Reflections
by ruinedbyrob
Summary: Mirrors don't always tell the truth. That's what Edward would have Bella believe. But when an overheard comment leads her to believe he's been lying, she runs, leaving behind the only friend she's ever had. Will perceptions change when she's forced back to Forks and her supposed best friend or will she allow the past to overshadow any chance she might have for a bright future?
1. Chapter 1

**I've had this idea kicking around for awhile and thought I would give it a shot. I'm a huge angst h00r and wanted to try my hand at it. **

**This is a subject that is near and dear to my heart. I hope you like it. **

**This is rated mature for future chapters. **

**Special thanks to my beta, Mullet86 for agreeing to help me with another story. **

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><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 1**

**Prologue**

**Bella- 15 yrs old.**

"Ok, now turn around and show me the back." I dutifully gave a quick twirl, allowing my Aunt Janet to see if the yellow party dress I was currently modeling satisfactorily hid my giant butt and wide hips. "It's perfect." She announced clapping her hands and smiling at me. I turned back to the mirror. I don't think I would have used the word 'perfect' to describe anything having to do with me but I was pleasantly surprised at how nice the dress looked. It had a tapered waist that hid my stomach, showing off my waist and was long enough to hide my chunky thighs. The neck line wasn't plunging by any means, but it gave a hint of cleavage and the cap sleeves hid my arm fat.

"You're beautiful Bella. The boys won't know what hit them. I'm going to go pay for the dress. You get changed. We'll need to hurry home so you can get ready. Have you given any thought to how you'll wear your hair? I think a loose bun with curls around your face would be beautiful." Her petite hands twisted my dull brown hair into the style she was describing.

"See? It's lovely." I looked into the mirror. The hairstyle was very feminine and made my neck look slender. It also gave the illusion that I actually had cheek bones under the pudginess of my face.

"No. I want to wear it down." As much as I liked the way I looked with that hairstyle, I reminded myself that _he_ liked my hair down, loose and wavy.

"OK, sweetheart, whatever you prefer." Aunt Janet didn't try to talk me into it or demand that I give into her superior fashion sense. She just gave my shoulders a quick squeeze, smiling at me once more in the mirror before rushing out of the dressing room.

And that's why I loved her. She didn't push.

Aunt Janet was the mother I wish I had. Someone who accepted that I wasn't going to wear short skirts with Ugg boots just because some anorexic model in a magazine said I should. No. Aunt Janet accepted me the way I was. Sure she was the epitome of fashion. Always dressed to the hilt and could give Miss Manners a run for her money on any day ending in Y. And she was determined that she passed on those traits to her son and by default, me. But she never forced an issue. She always led by example. It didn't matter how someone else was dressed, how they acted or where they lived. She used to tell me that you couldn't choose where you came from, or whether you grew up in a mobile home or a castle. But you could choose how you treated people. And everyone deserved to be treated with the same respect and courtesy as you would treat a Queen or King.

My mother Renee, by contrast was nothing like Aunt Janet. While she too was always dressed to the hilt and polite, somehow it always felt faked. And her demeanor would change dramatically depending on where she perceived you to be on the social ladder. If you were above her, she was all compliments and smiles. If you were below her, she was insulting, short and rude. You can imagine where an overweight daughter landed on that ladder.

I shook off the thought of my mother before it ruined my day and did one more twirl in the mirror. I smiled thinking I'd never thought I'd looked pretty before. I wasn't crazy enough to think it was just the dress that had changed my attitude. I knew it was the reason I was wearing a dress that made me happy.

Grudgingly I took off the dress and put back on my baggy jeans and t-shirt. In spite of my now frumpy attire, I smiled again. Tonight I was going to the 'End of Summer' dance on the arm of Edward Cullen. My best friend for the last three summers and the boy I had an all consuming crush on for the last two. I hugged the dress to my chest and sighed. For the first time in my life I couldn't wait to have people look at me.

**Chapter 1- Return to Forks**

When I was 13 years old my mother and I agreed that it would be in both of our best interests if I spent some time with my dad. We came to this agreement after a three hour screaming fight.

She wanted to enroll me in an all summer 'Character Enrichment' camp, which after looking at the brochure I came to realize was code for 'fat camp'. I refused and a tantrum ensued. I wasn't upset over the fact that the camp was designed to teach me how to manage my weight. The truth was, I needed to lose about 15 -30 pounds and had been unsuccessful in all of my previous attempts.

No, it was the fact that two years prior to our epic battle, my mother had gone and married a man 12 years her junior. Phil was a right fielder for the Arizona Diamondbacks. Their marriage had catapulted her into a whole new social stratosphere where country club dances, spa lunches and afternoons at the stadium were not a choice but a lifestyle demand. I didn't fit into that lifestyle. As much as my mother tried to fit her round daughter into the svelte square hole, it just didn't work and she had subsequently decided that she'd much rather travel the country with him and his pro baseball teammates, than stay home and take care of her frumpy daughter.

I wasn't good enough for my mother and her friends. So I was being pushed aside, pawned off if you will, and I didn't like it.

Not that I was surprised that my mother would prefer the company of young, gorgeous and physically perfect men to her overweight child who hid in her room reading books instead of being outside in the sweltering heat of the Arizona sun. But I was still mad about it.

So, at 13 years old I found myself on a plane heading from my home in sunny, dry Phoenix to spend the summer with my dad in cloudy, wet Forks, Washington. Could I have found a bigger extreme to plunk myself down into? I doubted it.

I'd been born in Forks and lived there until my mom left my father when I was a baby but I'd only spent a handful of days there over the past 10 years. Forks had never been 'home' and Charlie had never been 'dad'. I now had three months in the Pacific Northwest to get myself reacquainted with Forks and Charlie. For propriety sake, my mother had decided that I would come home after the summer and return to Phoenix for school. While she could tell her country club friends that her decision to travel with Phil for the summer was because she would be so lonely without me, she would have a much harder time explaining my absence when school started. No, as much as she wished I wouldn't come back, she didn't like how that would appear to her friends.

And appearances were paramount to Renee.

"Charlie, there she is!" I heard my father's name and I lifted my head and turned towards the sound.

"Bella!" The sound of my name being yelled across the terminal made my skin crawl.

Dear God, please strike me down. Kill me now. Please let there be another Bella on the flight. One that didn't mind attention being drawn to her by an over exuberant aunt. My eyes quickly scanned the sparse arrival area of the Port Angeles International Airport looking for another Bella.

No such luck. I slumped my shoulders forward, praying that my face would stay hidden within the lengths of my dull brown hair, and trudged towards the sound of my aunt's voice.

"Bella! We're over here sweetie!"

_Please don't look. Please don't look._

As if I needed more proof that God was not partial to 13 yr old fat girls, the 15 people standing in the small airport all turned towards the noise. And stood witness to my embarrassment. I inwardly cringed at the thought of attention being drawn to me.

"Bella, Bella over here!" I gave a half wave in acknowledgement to the couple waiting at the baggage claim area. I recognized my father immediately. His stereotypical cop moustache was easily recognizable and the petite brunette standing next to him with the huge smile was my Aunt Janet. Unable to wait for me to finish the 15 foot trek over to where they stood, she came bounding over and immediately enveloped me into a tight hug.

"We're so happy to see you." "Did you have a good flight?" "Are you hungry?" The questions came at me in rapid succession.

"Janet, give the girl a minute to breathe." My father proceeded to extract me from my overly friendly aunt. She relinquished her hold on me but didn't stray far.

"How have you been kiddo?" He asked, giving me a brief squeeze.

"Good." I answered with a weak smile. Despite this man being responsible for half of my DNA, and judging from the slight paunch he was hiding underneath his cop shirt, more specifically he was responsible for my slow metabolism, I didn't really know him.

"It's been a while. It's good to see you." I nodded in agreement at his words.

"Well, let's grab your bags and get this show on the road." Charlie clapped his hands together, turned and motioned towards the baggage carousel.

I hadn't spent a lot of time with my dad but I remembered and always appreciated that he didn't mince words or waste time with unnecessary sentiment.

I was surprised to see two boys stepping over to my dad. Where did they come from?

Aunt Janet walked over and put her arm around a lanky blond boy. "You remember your cousin Jasper don't you?" She pushed him forward a bit. He looked up under a shaggy mane of dirty blond bangs and gave me a half smile.

"Hey." He gave a barely perceptible nod of his head.

"Hey." I nodded back to him. This was the boy who used to call me 'Smella Bella'? And who at our last meeting cut all the hair off my Secret Dream Barbie in a fit of 10 yr old male anger?

I quickly checked him out. He didn't look a lot different. He was still thin and needed a haircut. I was not a fan of boys with messy or shaggy hair. Honestly, I wasn't a fan of boys no matter how they wore their hair. The adolescent males in my old school took teasing and harassing to a new level of awful. I tended to avoid boys at all costs.

I probably outweighed him by 30 pounds.

_Awesome_

That's just great I thought_. _Nothing like being reminded that I'm huge to make my day a bit brighter. He had thesame color blue eyes that his dad, my Uncle Mark had and he still shyly looked down when he spoke. Something we had in common. I wondered if he ever got to where he could throw a football. He hated that I could throw one with not only superior strength but accuracy.

"Hi. I'm Emmett!"Before I could continue contemplating Jasper's lack of athleticism, I was knocked out of my silent reverie when a bear cub masquerading as a teenage boy stepped forward, pushing Jasper off to the side and grabbing my hand in a tight grip. He was wide where Jasper was thin and taller than my cousin. He had dark brown, almost black wavy hair and warm hazel eyes. He looked all cute and cuddly and like a bear cub there was the underlying threat that he could do some serious damage if he wanted too.

"I'm a friend of Jasper's." He told me as he grabbed my hand in his two giant paws and proceeded to vigorously pump my hand up and down, giving me a huge smile. Good grief, the boy had dimples the size of moon craters. Despite my normal habit of resisting eye contact with all humans, I couldn't help but give him a small smile back. Who could resist dimples on a bear?

"Emmett, let the girl go." My dad's amused voice rang out.

The boy/bear let go of my hand and gave me a wide grin as he ambled over to the lone luggage carousel where Jasper gave him a quick nudge. I watched in amusement as Emmett immediately grabbed Jasper in a headlock.

It wasn't 30 seconds before a full wrestling match began. Emmet clearly had a weight advantage over my cousin but apparently Jasper was not opposed to fighting dirty. I watched as he stuck an elbow into Emmet's side causing the bear/boy to fall forward, thus loosening his grip on his prey. I couldn't help but laugh at their antics. Are all boys like that? I wondered. My experience with males was pretty limited to playground humiliation and lunchroom ridicule. I'd never been privy to their playful side. However, I was well acquainted with their cruel side.

Charlie chuckled and stepped in to separate them. "Boys, don't make me get out the handcuffs, again." They disentangled themselves laughing good naturedly and giving each other one more quick jab to each other's arms.

"You'll get used to them." I jumped at the sound of my aunt's voice. Damn, skinny people sure can move quietly.

"You'll be one of the guys in no time." I doubted her prediction but nodded anyway. She gave me another hug and pulled me over towards the carousel that was now spitting out luggage in short drivels. I saw my bags come careening out of the shoot and stepped forward.

"Those are mine." I pointed at the two non-descript grey duffels.

Jasper and Emmett both made a grab for the bags. Seemingly in an effort to try and beat the other to some sort of prize.

Once my bags were secure in the hands of the two boys, we walked out of Port Angeles International and headed towards a small parking lot.

The sky was overcast and the air was much cooler than I was used to. I zipped up my hoodie to avoid the chilly wind.

"A bit cooler than you're used to huh? You'll get used to it." I doubted Charlie's prediction. I shrugged my shoulders and followed him through the lot.

"We didn't think you'd want to be driven into town in my patrol car." My father said as he motioned towards a dark blue Chevy Tahoe parked at the curb.

"Yours?" I asked, pointing to the SUV. I'd never seen Charlie drive anything other than his patrol car.

"No." he laughed, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "It's Janet's. We, well, she thought you'd prefer a less public entrance into Forks."

I nodded gratefully and looked for my aunt. She was at the back of the truck trying to mind the boys and the luggage.

"Jasper Charles Hale, don't you dare throw that bag. There might be breakables in there. Emmett Michael Cullen, put the umbrella back. It's not a sword." I tried to hide my mirth as the little woman attempted to corral the two boys.

I hopped through the door Charlie opened for me and was immediately surrounded on both sides by Jasper and Emmett. Their bodies encroached on my space in the middle of the seat. I was not prepared to be so close to them. I immediately pulled my legs and arms in tighter to my body, attempting to make myself seem smaller. _Yeah, that's really going to work Swan. _I rolled my eyes.

Charlie got into the driver's seat with my aunt in the right seat. "Boys, don't crowd Bella." She voiced from her seat where she was checking her hair in the visor mirror. Emmett gave me a sly smile and scooted a couple of inches to the right. I wanted to smile back at him but years of trying to be invisible made me lower my eyes and look down at the floor.

I spent the next 45 minutes dodging random elbows and answering my aunt's rapid fire questions:

"Did you bring your swimsuit? We usually spend most of the summer out back in the pool."

"I'm not sure." Me in a swim suit? In front of strangers? Male strangers? Um, no, not gonna happen.

"Does any of the scenery look familiar?"

"Not really." I moved forward in my seat so I could look past Emmett and out the window at the lush greenery passing alongside the car. The tall pine trees and snow capped mountains were a sharp contrast to the brown and rocky landscape I was used to.

"Everything is so green. And wet." Well stated Captain Obvious.

Being from the Southwest, I wasn't used to the color of lush vegetation, always preferring the warm and soothing color of brown and tan to the harsh tones of green.

I leaned back into my seat and tried to relax as Aunt Janet continued her drive time oratory.

"Jasper, tell me you did not just lick Emmett's hand." I had no words for that except, yuck.

"We're going to barbeque tonight at the house. You're not a vegetarian are you?"

"No." Look at me. Do I look like someone who avoids cheeseburgers?

"What is that god awful smell?" The last question elicited a barrage of giggling from both boys. I could do nothing but cover my face with my hands in a fruitless effort to avoid the stench. Seriously, what do they feed these Forks boys, sauerkraut and liver?

"Charlie, do you smell that?" I could no longer contain my laughter and joined in with Jasper and Emmett.

"Alright you three what's so funny? Charlie, I think there might be something wrong with the car. That smell is getting worse." Aunt Janet rolled her window down and stuck her face out for a whiff of fresh air. Her perfectly coiffed hair was being beaten to death by the wind as she attempted to escape the stink. I briefly met my father's eyes in the rearview mirror. They were crinkled with contained laughter.

"I'll take a look at it when we get back." He promised her, suppressing a chuckle.

The rest of the trip was less eventful as the boys settled into a game of ISpy and Aunt Janet pulled out a book to read. It was some teen story about a vampire in love with a human girl. She said it was good and that the hero was 'dreamy". She promised to lend it to me. I covertly rolled my eyes at the thought. I was much more interested in the new Jason Bourne installment than a lame love story. It served no purpose for a girl like me to get romantic ideas in her head. Nothing good could come from dreaming about something you'd never have.

The silence in the car was welcomed. It gave me a chance to think about what had happened in the last five hours. I'd been unceremoniously dropped off at the airport by my mother and stepfather. Mom had given me instructions to not take her absence as an opportunity to overeat.

_**Short flashback-**_

_**Airport terminal- Phoenix- This morning**_

"Just because I won't be there to remind you what a healthy serving size is, does not mean you can eat as much as you like. If your father stays true to character, your meals will consist of greasy diner food. It will be even more important for you to watch your calorie intake while you're there." Her words were punctuated by a disapproving look at my body. "And for god sakes, take this opportunity to work on your attitude. Being sullen and sour faced will not land you a boyfriend."

I could do nothing but hang my head at my obvious shortcomings.

"For goodness sakes Isabella, stand up straight. Slumping makes you look even heavier."

"Yes mom." I said with my eyes still cast downward.

"Now, I fully expect you to come home thinner. In Forks you won't have the heat to blame for not exercising. No excuses Bella. I mean it."

I could only nod in agreement. If my mother wanted to spend the last five minutes we had together for three months berating me for my unhealthy habits, what choice did I have?

"I hate to interrupt but we really need to get going and don't want her to miss the plane." Phil said, breaking in before my mother could give me more instructions. I smiled gratefully at him. He gave me a quick wink as he put my bags on the ticket counter.

"Oh, of course. Do you have your ticket?"

"Yes."

"OK, try not to get lost when you change planes in Seattle."

"Yes mom."

We stood there for a moment staring at each other. The differences between us never seemed stronger. Her strawberry blond hair and tan complexion were a huge contrast to my dull brown hair and pasty skin. Her shiny blue eyes the opposite of my boring brown. Where she was thin and firm, I was thick and jiggly.

Thankfully Phil broke our stare down with a big hug. "I'm going to miss our movie nights. You have a good time and don't let anyone push you around. OK?" He pulled away and gave me a look that said, _she means well_. I doubted he was right about my mother's motives but I appreciated the sentiment. The only thing that had made the last two years bearable was Phil. He was always quick to diffuse a fight between my mother and me. And he never once made me feel badly about my weight.

When it was the off season, he and I would spend every Saturday night watching scary movies and eating contraband junk food. He said that what my mother didn't know wouldn't hurt us. Mom always had some social event to go to on those nights so it was just Phil and me.

"I'll miss you too." I said to him truthfully.

"Phil, baby, we really should be going. I still need to get my outfit together for the Sneedly's dinner party tonight." They were going to a summer kick off block party tonight. I'm sure my mother was ecstatic that I wouldn't be attending. She was finding it increasingly more embarrassing to be seen with me in public.

One more quick squeeze and Phil stepped back, leaving me once again staring at my mother. He nudged her forwards with his shoulder and nodded in my direction. She took a deep breath and put her arms around me in a small hug that lasted about 10 seconds before she stepped away. To say it was awkward would be an understatement.

Renee wasn't a hugger. Sure, she and her friends could air hug and kiss like Beverly Hills Housewives, but when it came to me hugs were few and far between.

"Yes, well don't be late for your plane. I do not want a call telling me to come back for you because you got distracted and missed your flight."

"I won't mom." I'd rather lose a pinky toe than call her for help.

"Goodbye, Bella. Have a good summer." Phil waved as he turned around to leave. My mother turned on her Manolo heels and walked away without another word or glance.

I stood in the terminal and watched them walk away into the bright Arizona sun. I suppose it wouldn't have been odd to see a 13 yr old girl cry or sniffle a little as she watched her mother unceremoniously walk away knowing that she wouldn't see her for three months. But truthfully all I felt was relief. I would be outside of Renee's sphere of influence for three blessed months.

No more 6:30 AM wake up calls to go running, or disapproving looks when I would unthinkingly choose to ingest a couple of potato chips. I wouldn't have to endure the fake smiles and comments from her as she introduced me to her friends, or have to pretend I didn't care when she chose to go alone to mother/daughter spa and shopping dates with her friends and their daughters.

I was happy to be going away. I knew that living with Charlie would be fairly solitary but I was used to that. At least he wouldn't make disapproving noises over my food, clothes, music and reading choices.

The plane ride to Seattle was uneventful. I'd switched planes in Seattle without missing my connecting flight or falling down an elevator shaft. The plane to Port Angeles was smaller than the one I flew into SeaTac on and thankfully less crowded. I was able to nab a single seat for the hop and was allowed to absently stare out the window without worrying about overflowing onto my neighbor's seat or spilling a drink into their lap.

_**Backseat of Aunt Janet's Tahoe-**_

_Bella- 13 yrs Old_

_On the road to Forks, WA_

When I had exited the jet way in Port Angeles, I'd felt as if a small weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could finally take a deep breath. I didn't anticipate that the next three months would be perfect. I was still me and as such I knew it was a foregone conclusion that I would trip over my own feet, dress like a "fat ghetto clown", _thanks mom,_ and attempt to relatively stay off of everyone's radar until I would make that walk on the jet way in reverse.

I settled back into my seat between Jasper and Emmett and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Looking out of the window, I contemplated my new reality. I didn't know what awaited me in Forks. All I was sure about was regardless of what was waiting for me when I returned to Phoenix and the cold arms of my mother, for the first time in a long time I wasn't dreading tomorrow.

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><p><strong>AN** What did you think? I'm already working on chapter 2. So, if it sucks let me know before I waste anymore time on it. LOL!

I would really, really appreciate a review. Even if it's only a couple of words to tell me I should take up knitting and quit wasting everyone's time.

Have a great weekend.

Christa


	2. Chapter 2

**Quick thank you to all of you lovely people who were so kind to leave a review. You're the reason I keep going.**

**Special thanks to my Beta, Mullet86. You would not believe what she has to put up with!**

**Disclaimer: I checked my closet, under my bed, even that junk drawer in the kitchen where all of the old ketchup and sporks end up. Still no evidence that I own Twilight. But I did find an old snack size Snickers bar. BONUS!**

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><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 2**

We pulled onto the main road in Forks and I strived to find something familiar. Not because I needed to feel at home here. Bella Swan didn't really belong anywhere so 'home' was just a word.

As happy as Charlie appeared to be at seeing me today, he'd never fought very hard to have me spend more time with him.

The occasional summer and Christmas' over 13 years appeared to have been enough. Even when Renee's quest to change me brought me to tears, Charlie insisted I stay with her. My tears did little to change his perception that a daughter needed to stay with her mother, even when the daughter was being bombarded daily with disapproving looks and disparaging remarks. Eventually I realized that he just didn't want me around more than he had to and developed a thicker skin to shield me from my mother's sharp barbs.

No, I didn't expect to see something that would make me feel at home. I could only hope to find something that might spark a memory replacing a couple of the bad ones I'd carried with me from Phoenix.

We drove pass a small park. I noticed that despite the grey skies and slight chill in the airit was full of children with their parents. The only swing set was completely full and the lone slide had a line of kids awaiting their turns.

When the teeter-totter came into view, I felt my breathing hitch. The green and red boards conjured memories of the park close to the home I'd grown up in. The hot Phoenix sun had washed out the yellow and orange paint until they were light shades of their once vibrant hues.

I'd loved the feeling of weightlessness that came when it was my turn to be catapulted into the air. Every spare moment I'd had as a child would find me at the park and undoubtedly in line waiting on dancing feet for my turn on the sun weathered board.

Despite the fact that I was larger than most children my age, there was never a shortage of kids willing to play with me on the teeter totters. Even when there needed to be two of them to equal enough weight to move me, it didn't matter. We were kids. All that mattered was having fun.

I closed my eyes, shutting out the images of Charlie, Aunt Janet and the two boys who shared my space in the back of the car. I allowed my mind to drift back to a time when I wasn't aware of all the teasing, name calling and bullying that I'd be subjected to.

Back to a time when I had friends and hoped that someday a boy would like me.

My early childhood was OK.

I guess.

Mom wasn't as bad when I was younger. There were occasional critical looks, limits on desserts and speeches about how I'd always be the 'fat girl' unless I changed my ways. But for the most part as long as no one else brought attention to my general pudginess, she pretty much let me be.

Of course that all changed when I was 10 years old. Renee started dating Phil and overnight my mother was different. I was no longer able to brush off or ignore the knocks to my self esteem.

It's so much easier to look in a mirror and see the positive things about yourself when someone you love and trust is standing beside you pointing them out. Instead, I'd look into a mirror and see my mother's defeated face as she held yet another pair of jeans or cute top that wouldn't fit my body.

Once Renee got a taste of the high life, my days of being left alone to just be pudgy Bella Swan were over. Renee was enjoying a new status as the arm candy for an attractive, young and wealthy man. There were people to impress and a status quo to maintain. As such, she needed a daughter befitting her new stature.

I definitely didn't fit that bill.

The occasional looks and speeches became daily occurrences. Complete with morning weigh ins and a food journal that was turned in every night to her for review.

Mom wasn't always the perfect size she is now. To her credit she worked damn hard to go from a size 8 down to a four. We started eating healthier and she worked out every day. She cut and colored her hair and started wearing more sophisticated clothing. Gone were the long peasant skirts, oversized t-shirts and flip flops. They were replaced with madras shorts, fitted polo shirts and ballet flats. Once she and Phil were married, the clothing budget around our house increased. As did the house itself.

No more clothes and furnishings from WalMart or Target for us. It was all solid oak tables and Donna Karen labels. I still wore jeans and t-shirts but they now came from the women's sections in Macys and Bloomingdales.

I never cared where my clothes came from. A baggy t-shirt from Target was the same to me as the one that came from Bloomie's. They all looked the same on my pear shaped body. This, according to my mother was sloppy.

I couldn't care less who made my bookcases and night stand as long as they provided a home for my beloved books and CD collection, I was good. But Renee cared and that's what mattered.

Not to say I didn't benefit from the whole Phil/Renee union. Our new house had a theater room where I could indulge my film addiction. I had my own room with an attached bathroom where I could sit and soak in a bubble bath until my fat little toes shriveled up like pink raisins.

My walk in closet was the size of my entire 'pre-marriage' bedroom. I had rows and rows of hanger space to hang party dresses, cute tops, short skirts and tight fitting jeans. Instead it's where I hung my t-shirts, loose jeans and hoodies. Sturdy shelving units lined one wall, ready to hold sexy heels and cute sandals. My collection of non-descript Converse, two pairs of flip flops and one pair of low heels sat in their place A beautiful dresser drawer unit sat in the middle of the room, its drawers waiting to be filled with satiny and lacey bras, panties and cute pjs. The drawers were too small to hold my sweats and collection of oversized Forks PD night shirts that I slept in. Instead they were filled with plain white bras, granny panties and my collection of colorful and wacky socks. My mother used to take a look into the room and sigh. She grieved for the party dresses, short skirts and strappy heels that would never grace its walls and shelves.

I'd like to say that I didn't allow her attitude to affect mine, but that would be a lie. As her relationship with Phil intensified, so did my self loathing. Despite grandma Swan promising me that when I got taller the extra ponds I was carrying would even out, I knew that unless I was destined to be over six feet tall there would always be an extra roll around the middle and more than an 'inch to pinch' on my legs and hips. I resigned myself to being the 'fat girl' but Renee would not give up so easily.

In the last year Renee had really upped the stakes in the 'Battle of Bella's Bulge' game. Using everything from dream Hawaii vacations to the promise that I could have whatever car I wanted on my 16th birthday in order for me to lose weight. I tried. I really did. Who wants to be fat? But for every pound I lost, two would be gained back. She'd had me on Atkins, Nutri-System, Weight Watchers and the ever popular (and smelly) cabbage soup diet.

No matter how I wished it were different, my reflection in the mirror never matched the one my mother longed to see.

An elbow in the ribs from Emmett jolted me from my pity spiral. I looked over to see him pointing enthusiastically out of the window. His bushy eyebrows were dancing wildly over his blue eyes and those dimples were on full display.

Apparently the bear/boy was very excited about something.

Aunt Janet was turned in her seat facing me with a big smile on her face. Jasper was faced away, looking out of his window, not wanting to be a part of whatever had Emmett and his mother so excited. I looked up into the rearview mirror. Charlie wouldn't meet my gaze, his eyes quickly darting away from mine.

Something was up.

Groaning, I pushed the hair out of my eyes, and leaned around the overly excited boy to peer out the window.

_Oh no!_

I recognized my aunt's house. The beautifully cared for yellow and red rose bushes were just as beautiful as I remembered. I could see the thick vines of the climbing Clematis. They were covered in dark fuchsia flowers. The thick vines trailed up and around the painted railings and columns of her front porch. I saw the porch swing with its thick cushions was just as inviting now as it had been the last time I was here.

But there was something new.

A giant brightly painted sign that said, "Welcome home Bella!" in huge purple letters. There were balloons in every color of the rainbow tied all over the porch and around the front fence.

I wanted to scream, run, cry, throw myself out of the car and take my chances with the local wildlife.

Anything but get out of the car. I could live off nuts and berries for the summer. Right? Maybe I'd lose weight. It was a win win situation.

But I didn't do any of that. I did what I always do. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and pretended it didn't bother me.

"Surprise!" Emmett and Aunt Janet both yelled as we pulled into the driveway. They shared a co-conspirator smile with each other. I guess I could mark Emmett off of the very short list of people who hadn't publicly embarrassed me.

I wish I could say the worst thing outside of the car was the embarrassment of the sign.

Unfortunately it wasn't.

There were about 15 people standing in the driveway. They were standing in several small groups .

In classic form, the adults were standing together and the kids were grouped in smaller groups. Boys on one side of the driveway, girls on the other. I only recognized one person, my Uncle Mark.

_Not good._

"We thought we'd invite a couple of the neighbors around to meet you." Aunt Janet said off handedly as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

She invited a _few _of the neighbors over? Aunt Janet clearly needed a refresher on what a _few_ meant.

"Since your dad will be working, you'll be staying here with us during the day. So I thought you'd like to meet a few of the other kids in the neighborhood." The last of her statement was punctuated by the firm slamming of her door.

_Say What?_ I hadn't agreed to that. I quickly looked for a denial from Charlie but found only his retreating form as he got out of the car.

_Traitor._

I sat unmoving, both boys rushed out of the car, not bothering to shut either door.

To the right of me was a group of strangers that had evidently been called together to stare and point at the pudgy, non-descript, shy daughter of the Chief of Police.

To the left was a clear shot to the woods.

Decision made.

I slowly began to edge my way to the left, towards freedom when the hulking form of my Benedict Arnold of a father blocked my path.

"Let me help you." He reached out and grasped my hand, pulling me out of the safe haven of the Tahoe.

I tried to grab onto the door handle to slow my exit. "Bells, unclench the claws." Charlie reached in and forcibly removed my hands from the handle.

Liar!

"Don't embarrass me in front of my community."

My eyes shot up at my father's command. The tone of his voice was familiar, as was the stern look in his eyes.

The warm and affectionate greeting I'd received at the airport was forgotten as my father pulled on my hands. He was more focused on keeping his place in the Forks social ladder than he was on his embarrassment of a daughter.

The location and the parent might be different but I'd been here before.

Resigned, I got out of the car without falling on my fat butt and causing a scene.

Charlie quickly shut the door and grabbed my arm, tugging me towards the first group of strangers.

"Jim, Lawrence, Carlisle, I'd like you to meet my daughter Bella." I was unceremoniously pushed towards the men standing nearest to us.

"Why Charlie, she's not nearly as fat as you said she was." My head shot up at the sound of the horrible statement. My mouth gaped open as their laughter rang in my ears.

I looked at my father; surely he hadn't really said that awful thing.

Charlie laughed and awkwardly clapped a hand on the shoulder of the man who'd uttered the hurtful statement. "Aww Jim, you always know how to break the ice." All but one of the men joined in the laughter.

I could feel the tears begin to gather, threatening to spill out onto my cheeks.

"Jesus Jim, that's a damn rude thing to say. How would you like it if I said that about Lauren?" Through my tears I caught a glimpse of my savior. He was tall and had blond hair with piercing blue eyes. He smiled and came to stand in front of me, shielding my quivering body from the amused men.

My father stood there with his own head hung down.

Not looking at me.

Not sticking up for me.

Was I really that hideous that my own father wouldn't stick up for me?

"For god sakes, come down off your high horse Carlisle. She knows I was only kidding." Jim's voice was laced with irritation.

My savior gave a curt glance in their direction before speaking to me in a firm but welcoming voice. "Don't listen to them Bella. Jim has a big mouth and tends to think that just because he's the mayor of this tiny burg he can say any damn thing he feels like. Charlie didn't really say that. Its part of the same old and tired shtick he uses on everyone. I'm Carlisle by the way. I think you've met my son Emmett."

He was Dimple's father?

I looked up again and saw the friendly smile. Ah, there they were. Not as deep as Emmett's but just as pretty.

"Yes." I replied quickly and resumed my head hanging.

"Hey, why don't I introduce you to some of the less insulting residents of Forks? " With that he gently tugged on my arm and led me away from my silent father and the irritating mayor.

I could still here their laughter as we rounded the front of the Tahoe.

"Bella!"

Suddenly I was wrapped in a bear hug.

"I'm so happy to see you." I recognized the scent of my Uncle Mark before I did his voice.

Uncle Mark was a psychiatrist with a penchant for making models of Civil War battles. His was the unique and frankly, sickening scent of hospital and model glue. As much as I hated the way he smelled, I heartily hugged him back. He was one of the kindest men I'd ever met. He was also warm, funny, affectionate and he always listened without judgment.

He was the male version of Aunt Janet.

He pulled back and looked at me, "You look upset sweetheart. Are you OK?" I nodded and smiled feebly at his concern.

"Oh, I think the trip has most likely worn her out. Plus meeting all these new people", Carlisle gestured to the crowd "has probably been a bit overwhelming for her."

"Of course it has." He nodded in understanding to Dimple's dad. "Come on let's get you inside and allow you to catch your breath before your aunt starts showing you off." With that he began to lead me around the side of the house away from all of the good people of Forks.

I smiled in thanks to Carlisle and he winked one of his beautiful blue eyes at me before running interference with the group of designer clad women my aunt was dragging towards us.

"Ladies, how lovely you all look." I could faintly hear his voice as we moved further away.

I wished I had the self confidence to give that man a hug because he was rapidly becoming one of my favorite people.

Uncle Mark opened the gate to the backyard and led me further behind the house. I could hear the laughter of the other kids as we rounded the corner.

"Jasper, son, come here."

Jasper quickly detached himself from the group and came bounding over to us.

I grimaced as they all turned towards us.

"Son, take Bella and introduce her to your friends."

Apparently, I could not catch a break today.

"Um," How did I tell them that all I would much prefer to go into the house and crawl into a closet full of spiders than be subjected to the stares from the other kids? "Um", Both Jasper and Uncle Mark waited for me to finish my sentence but my mind was as dull as ever and couldn't seem to get out a coherent sentence.

Before my mind could engage, I saw Emmett begin to wander over to us. Much to my chagrin the others followed.

Slowly the group made its way to us.

"Guys, this is Bella." Emmett proclaimed, sweeping his hand towards me.

Just as I imagined, the two boys and three girls stared, their eyes raking over me as they found and catalogued my shortcomings for future use.

"Jasper, introduce Bella to your friends." Uncle Mark ordered before turning to head back to the front of the house. He gave my shoulder a squeeze before walking off.

"Bella, this is Mike and Tyler." Jasper said, motioning to a blond and a black haired boy. Both only nodded in acknowledgement. I did the same.

"And these lovelies are Lauren and Tanya." Emmett walked to stand between the girls and put his arms around their shoulders, eliciting giggles from both.

"Oh Emmett." The strawberry blond girl admonished while slapping playfully at his puffed out chest.

Had I wandered into a bad episode of 90210?

"So Belinda, you're from Arizona right?" Lauren asked, moving my attention from the not so subtle flirting going on between Emmett and Tanya.

I wasn't sure if she had slipped on my name or it had been deliberate. My gut told me it wasn't a slip. But I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.

"It's Bella, and yeah I'm from Phoenix." I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes. I didn't want to see any confirmation that the bullying had already started.

"You're awfully pale for being from the dessert." Mike blurted.

"Yeah, isn't Arizona supposed to be sunny?" Tyler chimed in.

"Maybe Becca is allergic to the sun." Lauren mused. "I'm sure that kind of allergy would make it very difficult to go outside and tan or you know, be active." She spoke to the boys but pointed to me as she spoke.

Both boys nodded in agreement.

"Good thing you moved here then Becca, Forks rarely sees the sun. Now you can get outside, maybe take up jogging." Mike offered.

"Bike riding" Tyler followed Mike's lead.

"Hiking"

"Swimming" This came from Lauren. "Do you have a suit? I'm sure we could find something at Layne Bryant that might fit you. Of course we'd have to drive to Port Angeles to find a store like that but I'm sure Mrs. Whitlock would gladly take us."

And so it had started.

Mentioning the name of a clothing store that specialized in carrying large sizes confirmed that my size had been not only noticed by the skinny dark haired girl in front of me but that it would be used against me.

"Did I hear something about shopping?" Tanya extracted her slim body from Emmett and sauntered over to us, her shiny hair bouncing as she walked.

"Yes, Becca needs a swimming suit." Lauren informed the other girl.

"Hmmm, I'd offer you one of mine. But that wouldn't work. Would it?" Tanya smirked while motioning towards me and then back to her much smaller body.

Oh, yes. It's started.

"Tanya, her name is Bella not Becca." Emmett informed her, smiling kindly as he came over and stood by me.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I misheard." She smiled sweetly.

I knew it wasn't sincere.

"Yeah, sorry Bella." Lauren apologizes offhandedly while looking over at Jasper and batting her lashes.

I glanced at my cousin. His blond head was down and I could see the all too familiar family trait of a blush stain his cheeks.

Oh, great. He likes these girls. And I was stuck here during the day.

For the whole summer.

Perfect.

"Jasper, Bella, Emmett, "My aunt's voice rang out across the lawn. Everyone turned towards it.

Aunt Janet was standing in front of a big grill and several tables laden with food. She was motioning us over.

Preoccupied with the start of bullying season, I hadn't noticed that the adults had all moved to the backyard and were sitting down to eat.

"Food!" Emmett exclaimed, clapping his hands together excitedly. "Time to get our chow on!" He began walking towards the feast with the rest of the group following closely behind.

I hung back planning to sneak back to the front of the house. Maybe hide in the car. The last thing I wanted to do was have these people watch me eat.

"Bella, aren't you coming?" Jasper called back over his shoulder as he walked away.

"Yeah, Bella you look hungry to me." Lauren leaned into Tanya and whispered something that caused both girls to giggle. They covered their mouths with their hands.

I felt myself stiffen at their display. The looks they were sharing between them left no mistake that they were sharing a laugh at my expense.

I know this because I've paid the bill before.

Many times.

"Bella, come over here and eat." Charlie's voice was loud and demanding as he called for me.

I knew my chance for escape was lost.

Slowly I plod my way across the yard. I go and stand with Charlie in line. All of the kids have already sat down at a table. I can hear their chatter and laughter from my place in line.

Charlie hands me a plate and leans down close to my ear, "Your aunt went to a lot of trouble to prepare this barbeque for you, act like you appreciate it." I took the plate and nodded. I know he's right. Aunt Janet did go to a lot of trouble and she was only trying to make me feel welcomed. It's not her fault that fat girls are uncomfortable in crowds of strangers.

"Charlie, is this your girl?" A tall woman with a models figure asks as she walks towards us. The color of her hair and porcelain skin, tags her as Tanya's mother. She comes to a stop in front of us. Charlie has a hard time taking his eyes off of the woman's generous cleavage.

"Carol I'd like you to meet my daughter Bella." Charlie nudges me and tips his chin towards the woman.

"Hello dear. I'm Tanya's mother." She has the same insincere/sweet voice as her daughter. Her smile reminds me of the way my mother smiles with her high society friends.

It's one of those tight lipped smiles that never quite reach their eyes. There's no sincerity or warmth behind it.

"Hi." I offer weakly.

"Sally, come over here." She motions to an equally model like woman. She must be Lauren's mother.

"Look, this is Charlie's_ little_ Bella." Carol emphasized the little and gestures towards me.

"How nice, I'm Lauren's mother." Sally looked me up and down before turning back to Charlie and Carol. "I see she takes after you Charlie."

I swear Charlie giggled like the Pillsbury Dough boy when she patted his slight paunch.

Oh, I get it. He's fat and so am I.

Nice.

"Careful Sally, we don't want to make Lawrence jealous." Charlie laughs and steps back from the two woman.

"Oh Charlie," Sally smirks and pats his arm all flirty.

_Gag!_

"Well, it was nice to meet you Bella." Sally begins to walk away, grabbing Carol's arm and tugs.

"I'm sure we'll be seeing you around Bella." Carol says over her shoulder as they walk away. Their hips sway back and forth as they navigate their way across the lawn in high heels.

"They're very important people in this town Bella. It wouldn't hurt you to smile at them."

Before I can offer an apology or a promise to do better, Charlie walks away, leaving me alone in the food line.

I hastily grab a hamburger sans bun, off the plate. I remember Tanya's remark about the bathing suits and bypass the chips, potato salad and baked beans, instead opting for a couple of carrots.

Holding my meager meal, I look around for an open seat and see Charlie sitting with that awful Jim and the other guys.

No thank you.

I see Uncle Mark and Carlisle sitting off to the side in two deck chairs deep in conversation. I'm sure they would welcome me, but I don't want to intrude.

Aunt Janet is a no as I see her flitting around all of the tables being the warm and gracious hostess she is.

There's room at the kids table but I think I'd prefer to have a root canal than be subjected to more snide remarks from Tanya and Lauren.

I grab water from the artfully arranged cooler and walk unnoticed to the front of the house. I climb the steps and settled into the comfortable porch swing.

For what feels like the first time in hours, I take a deep breath.

I tuck into my burger and carrots, thankful for the solitude.

I'm about halfway through my meal when I notice two people waking up the driveway. The caramel haired woman is carrying a tray laden with pie tins. Her bespectacled son is lugging one of those big plastic ice cream containers. He's twirling it side to side by the flimsy handle.

"Edward Anthony, please stop doing that. You'll break it. "

"No I won't mom." He promises. I watch as he twirls around again before they're hidden from view. I can see the flimsy handle twist from my seat on the porch.

"Yes you will and your brother will try to die when there's no ice cream for his pie."

"I got this mom."

I watch silently as the boy does an uncoordinated spin.

"Edward!" They disappeared behind the car but I could hear the distress in her voice right before I heard the clunking of a plastic tub hitting the ground.

"Ow!"

"Baby, are you OK?"

I still can't see what's happened but by the sound of the woman's concerned voice, I can only guess that Edward Anthony's claims of, "I got this." were false.

Curiosity gets the better of me and I jump up to see what happened.

It only takes me a moment to reach them.

The woman is kneeling down next to her son. She's got a hold of his ankle and is tentatively touching it.

"Ow! Mommy that hurts. "

"Oh, sweetie I think its swelling. Wait here and I'll go get your dad."

"Mom, I'm sorry about the ice cream."

I look down and I see that he did indeed drop it. The sweet creamy dessert is now running slowly down the driveway.

"Oh honey, forget about the ice cream." She leans up and gently touches his face.

"But Emmett…"

"Baby, forget about Emmett. He's not going to die if he has to eat cherry pie without ice cream. Now, wait here and I'll get your dad. OK?"

Emmett? This boy must be Emmett's little brother.

He sniffed and nodded his head. I watched as his mom planted a quick kiss on his forehead before walking towards the backyard.

I watch as she walks away, amazed that she didn't see me observing them.

I'm kinda hard to miss.

I decide to leave the boy to his sprained ankle and ever growing puddle of vanilla ice cream. I shuffled my feet backwards, preparing to run back to the solitude of the porch.

"I can see your shoes."

Damn! I look down and curse my giant clown feet.

"You might as well come all the way out."

I gather my courage and once again peeked around the front of the car.

"Hi."

"Hi." I lamely answer back.

He was leaning back on his elbows. One knee is bent up while the other is laid out straight in front of him. The ankle of the straight leg is visibly swollen and his other knee is badly scraped and bleeding.

I see the blood and begin to feel dizzy.

I lean on the car for support and slowly work my way to a sitting position in front of him. From this angle his bent knee is blocking its bloody twin, so I can breathe again.

He stares at me questioningly, but he doesn't say a thing.

We sit in silence for a moment. I pick at my nails until I finally get the nerve to speak.

"I'm sorry you fell."

"Don't be. I'm a klutz. I do it all of the time." He smiles weakly and gestures towards his swelling appendage.

"I'm Edward by the way."

"I'm Bella."

"Oh, you're the reason we're here for this shindig." He gestures towards the backyard with his hand before resuming his reclined position.

"Yeah, I guess so." My head takes its normal downward position as I'm reminded of the people in the backyard I'm currently avoiding.

Another moment of silence.

"You know when you think about it, this is all your fault."

I whip my head up at his accusation and meet his eyes, normally I take blame without question. But there's no way I'm to blame for this self described klutz falling and spraining his ankle.

"My fault. How is this my fault?" I felt my face redden and I clenched my fists in growing anger.

"Simple, if you hadn't come to Forks, there wouldn't have been a party, my mom wouldn't have made pies which required ice cream, I wouldn't have had to carry said ice cream which threw my balance off, finally causing me to become gravely injured." He stopped, gestured to his foot and smiled widely. Obviously proud of the way he'd laid the blame at my size eight feet.

_I don't think so buddy_. Maybe it was the stress of the day taking its toll or the anger I'd suppressed from the interaction with Lauren and her merry band of jerks or maybe it was the red meat I'd just ingested. Whatever it was, for the first time in a long time I was going to stand up for myself.

I held up three fingers and counted down. "First, it wasn't my idea to have this stupid party." I dropped a finger. "Secondly, I certainly didn't ask your mom to bake any pies," one more finger drops "and thirdly, you fell because you were twirling around like a drunken ballerina which had nothing to do with me and everything to do with your lack of coordination and grace." I looked him straight in the eye and let the last finger drop slowly.

His eyes narrowed at my last statement and the smile that had been on his lips disappeared.

He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me.

The silence that usually was soothing to me suddenly had me feeling uneasy.

Despite being quite proud for defending myself, I felt bad for making him angry and wondered if I hadn't unjustly taken all of my frustrations out on the hurt boy.

I was rarely on this side of the fence. I didn't feel as good as I thought it would.

I'd decided to apologize for my rudeness when I heard a commotion coming from the side of the house.

We both turned to watch his mom lead everyone from the backyard towards us.

Edward groaned and laid flat on his back, throwing an arm over his face, clearly unhappy with the crowd his mother was bringing with her. He winced as the movement jarred his puffed-up ankle.

My natural instinct to avoid people kicked in and I struggled to lug my bulk up gracefully from my sitting position on the driveway. I hastily brushed debris off my jeans as I moved to hide from the mob that was headed our way.

"He's over there Carlisle." Edward's mom pointed towards us.

I backed up and tried to blend in to the car as the crowd advanced.

"What happened son?"

"I fell, what else is new?" Edward shrugged as his father approached.

Carlisle knelt down and began examining the puffy limb.

Emmett pushed forward from the adults and stopped to stand right behind Edward. His entourage followed closely behind him. "Geez Ed, trip over air again?" He clapped a big meaty hand on his brother's head, ruffling his red hair.

"Cut it out Em." Edward shook the offensive hand off.

"Emmett, leave your brother alone. He's hurt." Their mom knelt down beside Carlisle, with a concerned look on her face.

"Aww, come on mom. Evel Knievel spent less time in the emergency room." He laughed. "And he was on fire most of the time."

Tanya, Lauren and the guys laughed along with him. Edward's face turned bright red.

"Emmett, that's enough!" Carlisle spoke firmly and directed a pointed look at his son.

Emmett quit laughing and looked sufficiently chastised. The group of barking hyenas quit laughing too, but kept exchanging snide looks and smirks.

I inwardly cringed as I watched the others continue to make fun of Edward.

"It doesn't appear broken, just badly sprained. We need to get you home and get some ice on it and get these scrapes cleaned up." Carlisle stood up and reached a hand down to his son.

Edward reached up and took his father's hand, struggling to stand up without putting any weight on his damaged foot.

The scrunching of his eyes gave evidence to the pain the sprained ankle was causing him.

He leaned heavily on his father as he fought to stay upright.

"Hold up E," Emmett moved away from the pack and hunched down in front of Edward "Let me give you a ride home."

Edward looked down at his bloody knee, "You'll get blood on your clothes."

Emmett laughed, "You think I'm scared of a little blood?" He took a hold of his brother's arm and tugged him forward.

Edward cautiously climbed onto his brother's wide back.

Emmett stood up carefully. So Edward's foot wouldn't be jostled.

The teasing was forgotten as the bond between the two boys became evident.

"OK boys, lets get going." Carlisle turned to Aunt Janet, "Thank you for dinner Janet. It was wonderful, as always." He leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before leading the boys down the driveway.

"I'm so sorry we have to go. I'll call you tomorrow." Edward's mother gave my aunt a quick hug.

"Don't you worry about it Esme. Take care of Edward. We'll talk later." She waved as the family walked away.

Carlisle reached out and grabbed his wife's hand, pulling her closer to him and wrapped an arm around her waist. Esme put her head on his shoulder as they followed their sons down the driveway.

They looked like the perfect family.

Not for the first time I wondered if my life would have turned out differently if I'd had the benefit of growing up with both of my parents in love with each other. Would I have had a brother or sister that would good naturedly tease me one moment but then lovingly carry me when I couldn't move on my own? What if I'd had a big brother that defended me on the play ground when the likes of Jason Good taunted me with chants of "Jelly Belly Bella"? Or a sister who would work out with me for fun, not frustration and would show me how to apply makeup without complaining about my perpetually pale skin or the lackluster sheen of my hair.

"Good bye, Bella." Edward's voice carried up to the lingering crowd, breaking me out of my self pity party.

I returned his wave with a small one of my own.

Maybe we could be friends.

I allowed myself a small smile at the thought of possibly having a friend here in Forks.

That smile disappeared when I heard Lauren's comment to Tanya, "Looks like big Bella has taken a liking to little Edward." Both girls erupted into giggles as they passed by me on their way back to the party.

Back to reality Bella.

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><p><strong>AN: Ok guys. What did you think? The next couple of chapters will be shorter as the kids get to know each other over the next couple of summers. **

**Believe it or not but my grandfather used to say Jim's line every time he met someone's wife, girlfriend or sister. He thought it was funny. **

**I didn't agree.**

**As always, thank you for reading and reviewing! *blows kisses to you all***


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is my first attempt at writing angst. I hope you all bear with me as I feel my way through the tangled web that is a teenage girls mind. I have no intention of having Bella wallow forever in a pit of despair. But I want to make sure we all understand where she's coming from. **

**As always, big hugs and sloppy kisses to my beta, Mullet86. She really works hard to make this story presentable.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and I never will. I console myself with pretzel M&M's and repeated viewings of my Water for Elephants and Remember Me dvds. **

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 3**

My surprise and unwanted garden party continued after Edward and his family left. I could hear the laughter of my aunt's neighbor's carry from the backyard to the relative safety of the empty front porch. The shrill sounds of the women were a stark contrast to the deep guffaws of the men. Even having only met them this one time, I could tell they weren't laughing because they thought whatever lame joke Mr. Stanly was retelling was really funny, but rather because it was expected of them.

Confirmation of my theory came from Charlie. His fake laugh was easily distinguishable from the genuine one he used when his friend Billy would come to the house to watch baseball. That laughter had a genuine tone to it as they'd sit around telling stories about 'the one that got away'. At least that's the way I remembered it from when I was little.

But Charlie has changed since I've been gone.

I had a feeling that Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark weren't very good friends with the people still milling around their backyard, drinking their alcohol and eating their food. They'd both ventured to the porch to hide out with me at least once before the evening finally ended.

Aunt Janet tried to get me to come back to the party, claiming that Lauren and Jessica were asking about me. Our eyes met briefly before her face cracked under the pressure of the lie and a small apologetic smile appeared on her face.

Looking away from me, she ran a hand down the front of her shirt, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles. "Well, I'd like you to come back. I'm sure Uncle Mark, Jasper and your father would like you to come back too."

I shot her a look that said, "I'd rather have my fingers nibbled off by rabid ferrets than accompany her back to the party." It was actually more of an "I'd really rather not" kind of a look.

Sighing, Aunt Janet slapped my legs with her hand indicating for me to scoot over and sat down beside me on the swing. We rocked in companionable silence for a moment.

"Bella, I'm sorry you're not having a good time." I wanted to contradict her but couldn't force the lie past my lips so I stayed silent and continued moving my legs in rhythm with hers.

"I know having all of these strangers in your face the minute you arrived isn't really in your comfort zone. But they tend to hang out here and I wanted you to be comfortable around them. I'd even hoped maybe you would find a friend or two." She cocked her head at me and offered a small smile. I knew she meant well, but there was really no way that was going to happen.

I nodded and muttered a low, "It's OK." It really wasn't but Aunt Janet had always been kind to me and the last thing I wanted to do was make her feel worse than she already did.

"No, no it's not." She moved her arm off me and leaned back into the swing. We rocked slowly in silence for a moment. The smells of Aunt Janet's meticulously cared for flower beds wafted through the night air. The light lavender and jasmine scents were soothing. It was a memory I'd always carried with me from my sparse time in Forks. And was probably why I favored lavender scented lotions and soaps.

"I should have been more sensitive to your comfort." I wanted to tell her I understood and that I wasn't mad at her for having the party. But all I could do was nod and twiddle my thumbs. Twiddling was a nervous habit I'd developed when Renee began dating Phil. Whenever the inevitable subject of my weight came up, the twiddling would commence. It drove Renee crazy and would eventually cause her to change the subject or send me to my room where she couldn't see the aimless circle dance my thumbs would be engaged in. Now, it was a defense mechanism that kicked in whenever there was a subject I wanted to avoid.

And talking about those girls definitely fell into that category.

I felt Aunt Janet tense up before she spoke, "Jasper told me how Lauren and Tanya acted." She paused and let out a sigh. "I didn't realize that those girls had become stuck up bitches just like their moms."

I whipped my head around to look at her; my eyes were wide with surprise. I'd never heard my aunt say an unkind word about anyone. Much less call them a bitch.

She gasped as her hands flew up to cover her mouth. Now, both of our eyes were widened in surprise at her outburst. Our eyes held in a staring contest, both of us unbelieving of what we just heard. I broke first and started to chuckle. Aunt Janet blushed before her own laughter came rolling out.

The porch swing shook and the chains creaked with the force of our laughter.

"I shouldn't have said that." She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to catch her breath. "It was mean."

"But it's the truth." I offered quietly. Having gotten my mirth under control, the recollection of how those girls and their male counterparts had made me feel killed my laughter.

My brief interaction with a few of Fork's females gave credence to my statement. Lauren, Tanya and their mothers were bitches.

Aunt Janet sighed and nodded, "Yes, yes it is, unfortunately."

Suddenly she grabbed my shoulders, forcing me to turn back towards her. The force of her actions startled me. "Look at me Bella." She looked me straight in the face. Her eyes bored searchingly into mine, while reaching forward and moving the hair off my face to push an errant lock behind my ear.

"I want you feel at home here." She said earnestly.

_Yeah, right. Like that's going to happen._

I nodded lightly and shook off her hold, not comfortable with the feelings she was invoking in me. I know she cared about me. I knew her words were sincere. Aunt Janet had never been anything but wonderful to me. Yet I was still uncomfortable with her attention.

Like a coward I turned my eyes forward to resume staring at the green and white checkered pattern of the chair cushion.

"Will you make me a promise?" She asked softly, turning her head to look at the same mesmerizing piece of outdoor furniture, giving up on trying to maintain eye contact with me.

"Ok." I offered weakly. It was my pattern to agree to whatever anyone asked of me. My acquiescence to their request whether I intended to honor it or not, usually not, typically resulted in them leaving me alone. This was what I wanted so I tended to make quick promises out of habit.

"I want you to promise me that you'll talk to me if something is bothering you." I started to nod in agreement once again, "No." I stopped in mid nod. The force in her voice caught me off guard. "Don't just nod your head at me thinking that I'll accept it and move on." Out of the corner of my eye I watched my Aunt's delicate hands clench quickly three times. "I know what you're doing Bella." The swing shifted as she moved her body so she could face me.

"A promise means nothing if you have no intention of keeping it." The swing stopped rocking as she stretched her legs out and braced them on the wood porch.

_Crap. She's on to me._

Before I could attempt a halfhearted denial, she began speaking again.

"I care about you and I know that things have been difficult these past couple of years", she sighed softly before continuing, "but I really want you to enjoy yourself while you're here. "

I nodded quickly keeping my head down.

"You can have as little contact with those girls as you want. I'll limit their time here. " She stopped speaking for a moment and stared off into the empty porch. Her eyes narrowed and her mouth was set in a hard line. "They can spend the summer in _their_ homes eating _their_parent's food while parading around half dressed." That last part was said with a bit of venom. I'm guessing Aunt Janet was not happy with her son being subjected to the budding cleavages of the two girls. "I won't have them upsetting you in any way."

"I mean it Bella. I want you to leave Phoenix behind. All of it." The last bit was delivered forcefully. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she meant. I could only guess that the black cloud I carried over my head was easily recognized by someone as caring and nurturing as she was.

I wanted to turn to her. I wanted to throw my arms around her and surround myself in her warmth and acceptance. I wanted to ask what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I do as Renee asked and lose the weight so she would love me? What was wrong with me that I would choose to stay lurking in the shadows instead of shedding this bloated body like a snake shedding a skin it has outgrown? Why couldn't I take my place and dance out in the light with all of beautiful people? Why can't I change?

But I didn't.

Opening up was an invitation for a discussion that I wasn't ready to have.

So I sat next to the woman I'd wished was my mother and let the moment pass.

And pass it did. It wasn't but minutes later when Charlie came around the corner of the house and up the porch steps. They creaked slightly under his weight.

"There you two are." He stood with his hands on his hips in an exasperated manner. "Your guests have been wondering where you'd gone off to Janet. I expected this hiding from Bella but you?" His eyebrow rose accusingly as he scolded his sister.

Aunt Janet patted my knee affectionately and got up off the swing to face my father. She walked right up to him and began to poke him in the chest. "Charlie, you can stow your reproach in your shorts. I'm not one of the juvenile delinquents you caught painting pictures of boobs and penises on the Johnson's barn. Besides, the most important guest, the guest of honor is out here." She stopped poking him in the chest long enough to point to where I was sitting. Charlie moved back a step under Aunt Janet's assault. "Furthermore, my other guests will be fine until the alcohol is gone. Plus, I'm sure Sally and the other girls don't need me to leer down their shirts as long as you men are around."

My father grimaced slightly at her thinly veiled accusation. "Yeah, I saw you Charlie. Don't try to hide it." Her tone turned playful as she teased him about looking down Sally's shirt. She smiled and cocked her head to the side, waiting for my father's reply.

I used my hand to hide a laugh as I watched the imposing figure of my father being called out for indiscreet boob leering.

"Well, um, I um..." He stammered and rubbed his neck in what I would guess was an attempt to buy himself some time. "I can't say as I blame you. Those doctors in Seattle do good work." She chuckled and left Charlie standing there in his guilt to come and stand in front of me.

"Bella, sweetheart, I'm so glad to have you here." Aunt Janet reached down and pulled me up off the seat, embracing me tightly. I guess the night had taken its toll on me. I didn't fight her at all. I just let myself sink into her arms, relishing the comfort that she offered.

"I'll see you tomorrow", she gave me a quick kiss before pulling back from me and squeezing my forearms enthusiastically. "We'll go shopping and get your rooms all decked out. OK?"

I nodded as she let me go and turned to leave the porch. She stopped where my father stood, motioning for him to lean down. I watched as she whispered into his ear. His face was solemn as he nodded in acceptance at her words. After reaching up on her tip toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, she gave me a small wave and bounded down the steps, hurrying back to her guests.

_Wait, did she say rooms?_

"Bella, are you ready to go?"

Guessing that my only other option was to go back to the party, my answer was fairly predictable. "Yeah, I'm ready." I'd figure out what Aunt Janet meant about _rooms_ later.

"Well come on then." He turned and walked down the stairs leaving me to follow. We stopped at Aunt Janet's Tahoe and got my luggage out of the back. He wordlessly handed me my backpack before reaching in and grabbing both duffels.

"Can you get the door?" Charlie asked over his shoulder as he began walking down the driveway lugging my summer attire down the driveway.

I nodded and closed the door before following him to the patrol car parked at the curb.

The short drive to Charlie's was made in silence.

I wanted to ask him why he left me in Phoenix when I begged him to take me away. I wanted to know why he let Jim say those things to me at the party.

But I didn't.

I packed it away into a box and threw it down into the dark basement of my mind where I stored all of the hurt and injustice I encounter in my life.

I don't know what I expected when we walked into the house. For whatever reason, I wasn't surprised to see that it hadn't changed much in the years I'd been gone.

Besides the additions of a giant flat screen TV and a plush leather recliner, the furniture was the same as it had always looked, worn and tired.

I silently followed Charlie up the creaky stairs to my room. Like the furniture in the living room, the carpeting on the staircase was old and worn.

True to form, I slipped on the frayed runner. I grasped the banister attempting to slow my descent. As I pulled my bulk back up to a relatively upright position, I was shocked to see my school pictures lining the wall to the second floor.

I stood dazed in the stairwell clutching the railing tight in my hands. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. You'd be hard pressed to find any pictures of me in Renee's house. She only displayed a few of my baby pictures in Phoenix. I guess my chubby cheeks and roly poly body were cute at one time.

Yet in Charlie's house I was on display in all of my grandeur from kindergarten pigtails to this past school year, seventh grade. My fingers trailed over the photos. Their cheap gold frames were cold to the touch and left smudges of dust on my fingertips.

Suddenly I was overwhelmed with emotion. Did my father care enough to display pictures of me in his house? He wasn't hiding me away like my mother did.

I wasn't expecting this type of display from him. He'd gone from what I thought was genuinely happy to see me at the airport, to throwing me to the wolves at the party, to displaying my pictures in his house.

His constant changing mood swings were confusing the crap out of me. I didn't know what I was supposed to think and it was very unnerving.

"Bella, are you coming?" I jerked from my position on the stairs, hastily wiping the dust off my fingers onto my jeans to quickly walk up the last couple of steps.

I came to stand beside my dad at the threshold of my childhood room.

I smiled widely up at him, my round face practically glowing with the thought that maybe I hadn't completely lost both of my parents. And I guess in appreciation for maybe actually caring about me.

Charlie looked uneasy under my toothy show of gratitude. "Are you OK?" He asked, frowning. I nodded enthusiastically. "Then why do you have such a goofy look on your face?"

_Goofy?_ _Not__cute__or__loving__or__sweet__… __but__goofy?_

My face fell at his obvious agitation. I didn't have but a second to contemplate the loss of our father/daughter moment. He reached into the room and flipped on the light. I was immediately assaulted by a bright pink bedspread.

_Ugh_!

Talk about a pink nightmare. It had blue, purple and green butterflies allover.

It looked like an elephant had thrown up ten gallons of Pepto Bismol all over the bed.

I blinked my eyes several times, trying to acquaint them with the hideous sight and turned to look at the rest of the room. The walls had at once been painted a bright yellow but were now more of a faded cream color, which only made the pink bedcovering appear even more hideous. There were no curtains on the windows. Only generic blinds and the two rugs on the floor looked just as worn as the furniture downstairs.

"I didn't change anything since the last time you were here." He stood in the middle of the pick nightmare and motioned around the room with his hands, "I know how you girls are about people touching your stuff."

_Stuff?_ Did he mean the old Raggedy Anne doll lying haphazardly on the bed with her frayed smock and knotted hair, or the worn pink piggy slippers peeking out from under the bed that were at least three sizes too small? Or maybe he meant the tattered Barbie and My Pretty Pony coloring books lying on top of the desk.

The only thing in that room I would consider mine was Grandma Swan's old rocker in the corner, finally a good memory from Forks. I didn't pick out the décor or the things that were strewn about. But that rocker was mine. When Grandma Marie died, Charlie and Renee were tasked with cleaning out the house. Renee had insisted that none of grandma's old things were coming into her house. So Charlie had dutifully packed up and carted off all of his mother's treasures just as his wife had asked of him. But when the rocker was taken to the curb… my little three year old body couldn't move fast enough. I threw myself into the soft but worn cushion and refused to get out of it. Renee finally relented and allowed the rocker to be saved from the dump, but demanded that it be put in my room, hidden from sight. Rocking in that chair while Charlie read to me is one of my few happy childhood memories. Unfortunately it was only a couple of months after I saved the chair that Renee decided to leave Charlie.

My chair along with all of the other things that Renee didn't need anymore was left in Forks along with my father. I often wondered why I wasn't met with the same fate.

"We used to rock for hours." From my place in front of the rocker, I couldn't see his face but I could hear his voice and it almost sounded as if he were… wistful?

"I used to read to you before bed. Do you remember that?"

I nodded, keeping my head down. I remembered sitting on his lap, his big arms surrounding me as he read The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and Wind in the Willows. I'd be wrapped up in my towel straight from a bath and on his lap as he regaled me with the adventures of Pooh and Piglet. I absently trailed my fingers across the worn wooden arm rests, rubbing the smooth surface while trying to swallow down the lump that was growing in my throat as I remembered how he would change his voice to depict the characters of the books.

Those nights with Charlie in my rocker started my life long love of books and were the few really happy moments I had from my previous life in Forks.

"I tried to get Renee, um, your mom to let me send it to you after you guys left. But she refused." I stopped rubbing to look at him.

He was looking out the window, his mouth turned down at the memory of my mother.

"You did?" I was surprised at his admission. I wasn't surprised that Renee hadn't allowed him to send me the chair, she wanted no reminders of her life in Forks, but rather that he'd tried to send it to me in the first place.

He slowly rubbed a hand across his forehead as if he were trying to ease an ache. "I tried, but your mom refused." He sighed and walked closer to me. The floorboards creaked as he moved across it. "I guess I just wanted you to have something happy from your childhood here. But when she rejected my offer, I kept it in your room here, where it would always be waiting for you when you visited."

He reached out and laid a hand on my shoulder, the weight of his hand was comforting. "I guess I underestimated how infrequent those visits would be." He sounded almost regretful that we'd been apart for so long.

_Did Charlie miss me?_

My eyes welled with tears at the thought of how different my life might be if I'd been living with a parent who may have actually wanted me around.

"Bells," my face warmed at his use of the pet name that only he called me, "I know things haven't been easy for you, um, in Phoenix."

His voice tapered off as I felt the familiar warmth of embarrassment bloom in my cheeks at his mention of my life in Phoenix. I stood still and silent, not wanting to lose the comfort of his touch and not trusting myself to speak.

"And I'm real sorry about that, but this isn't Phoenix." He removed his hand from my shoulder and stuck both of his hand in his pants pockets and began to rock back and forth on his heels. His police department boots squeaked as he moved. All too soon the warmth of my father's touch, the small connection we were sharing, was gone. "But this is Forks, a place where everyone knows your name and your business." He continued, "You need to try to fit in. I need you to fit in. You can't hide here, especially being the Chief's kid. Do you understand?" He questioned.

Did I understand? I'm not sure I did. Was he warning me that being Chief Swan's daughter in Forks would be any harder than being Renee's fat offspring in Phoenix? Because I doubted very much it would be.

Charlie's hand came to once again rest on my shoulder; I didn't feel any comfort this time. On the contrary, this time I felt the firmness of authority instead of the affection of a parent. "Bella, it will be easier on you if you try." He tipped my chin up to look at him. My eyes squinted involuntarily under the harshness of the overhead light. "Do you understand?" he asked again. His touch was gentle yet I still fought the urge to pull away.

"Yes." I stated simply.

Charlie smiled and released my chin. "Good girl."

He stepped back and moved toward the door, "I'll leave you to unpack and do whatever it is that girls do before going to bed." At the doorway he turned back, "You remember where everything is right?" I guessed he meant where the towels and such were kept. I nodded affirmatively. This wasn't that big of a place. What I couldn't remember, I figured I could find.

"Ok then. Uh, your aunt will want to start early so you better get some sleep." I nodded and turned back towards the pink nightmare covered bed. "Um, Bella, I…", Charlie stuttered. I stood still by the bed, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

Moments passed.

Finally I turned to him but all I saw was his back as he retreated out of the room. I heard the door to his bedroom shut. I guess we're done trotting down memory lane for tonight.

After rooting around in the bathroom cabinets, I found clean wash cloths and towels. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Clicking off the light and walking down the short hallway, I settled back into my old room.

My flannel sleep pants and t-shirt would've been much to warm to wear in Phoenix, but they were just right for the cooler weather of Washington. Tugging back the pink atrocity of a bed covering, I climbed into bed and snuggled into the Strawberry Shortcake sheets. With a heavy sigh I allowed the events of the day to run through my mind. The events at the airport with my mother were ones that I hoped didn't linger as they were bound to give me nightmares. The reunion with Aunt Janet and Charlie had gone well up until arriving at the party.

_Ugh,__the__party._

Turning over onto my side, I tucked my hands under my face. I felt the wetness of a tear drop onto my folded hands. I'd held them in all day but under the cover of darkness, alone in my old room, I no longer had the strength to keep them in anymore.

The girls' reactions were predictable. I was used to it and could have easily ignored them if I hadn't already been so rudely accosted by that awful Jim and his laughing troupe of followers, which included my own father. His disregard for my feelings had hurt more than I cared to think about. His story about the rocking chair hurt too. Just in a completely different way. If he missed me, if he'd wanted to see me more often, why hadn't he? Why had my summers been spent trying to avoid the incessant barbecues and pool parties that my mother and her friends seemed to thrive on instead of being allowed to lay around in Forks where the cooler temps would be much more conducive to my normal attire of choice; baggy jeans and loose fitting tops?

Why hadn't Charlie demanded I come to Forks? Why?

Sniffling, I turned over to my other side, the mattress moved as my bulk shifted positions. The only thing that I can say wasn't predictable was Edward. Sure we only spoke for a moment and he was in pain for the entire time, and maybe I let my temper get the best of me when I called him an "uncoordinated ballerina". But he had still called to me and waved goodbye as he left. No one else but the little copper haired boy had bothered. And that was unexpected.

The teenager in me wanted to fight the fatigue, but the little girl couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. Leaning over the bedside table, I switched off the yellow Care Bear lamp and let my exhaustion take me.

I awoke not to the brightness of the morning sun as I usually did in Phoenix, but rather the clanking of pots and pans and the murmurings of my father.

The grey light coming through the windows was not much of an incentive to get out of bed. Neither was the smell of burnt toast coming up from the kitchen. I pulled the comforter over my head, successfully avoiding dealing with both.

"Bella!"

"Bella time to get up!" Charlie's voice was loud and rumbled through the small house. I'd hoped he'd forgotten I was here.

I peeked my head out of the comforter just enough to see what time it was. The clock in Cheer Bear's tummy read 6:45 AM. Groaning at the ungodly hour, I pulled the comforter tighter over my inert body snuggled deeper into my warm cocoon.

"BELLA!" I heard heavy footsteps start up the stairs. I tried to make my body obey my dad's call to get up. But my limbs felt like they were encased in cement and my brain was still foggy from the pity party I'd thrown myself the night before.

I lay very still on the bed thinking that if I didn't move he wouldn't see me.

_Yep, straight A student right here._

The heavy thud of Charlie's boots echoed in my room. He stood silently next to my bed and I lay very still not acknowledging him. It was almost like an old fashioned Mexican standoff. I figured I'd eventually win as he had to get to work and I had no where I needed to be.

_Hahaha, it sucks to be a grown up and have a job. _

The joke was on me when my warm, fluffy and brightly tinted comforter was ripped off the bed. "You have ten minutes to get ready to leave the house for the day." His eyes were narrowed as he took in my still form. "Now Isabella."

I didn't know my father very well, but it didn't take a genius to understand that the tone used to deliver his demand was not one to be ignored.

I jumped out of bed. Well, not so much jumped as rolled. And when I say rolled, I mean rolled. My knees and palms were the first body parts to hit the dusty wood floor.

"Ow, ow." I winced in pain.

"Are you alright?" Charlie asked, sighing.

I wanted to crawl under the bed and hide but judging from the number of dust bunnies already inhabiting the space, I'd be an unwelcome guest.

"Yes, I'm ok." I whispered, keeping my head down, ignoring the heat of embarrassment rushing to my cheeks and the throbbing pain in my knees and hands.

"Well alright, you still need to get ready. I have to be at the station in 20 minutes." From my position on the floor, I watched Charlie's feet leave the room.

Nine minutes and thirty seconds later I was dressed and downstairs. I'd grabbed my ipod and a couple of books to take with me to Aunt Janet's. I still wasn't happy about the fact that I was being deposited there to be watched over like a three year old. But I hadn't had a chance to talk to Charlie about it. Our little moment the night before ended quickly and left me in no shape to take him on over my daytime accommodations. Bringing it up now after making him late was probably not a stellar idea either. Maybe by Christmas I'd have the courage worked up.

My stomach grumbled loudly. "Maybe next time you'll get up when I call you." He tilted his head towards my vocal belly. We were late, no time for breakfast. Not even enough time for a burnt piece of toast.

_Grumble,__grumble._I put a hand over my stomach, trying to muffle the sound.

We pulled onto Aunt Janet's street. I couldn't help the twinge of anxiety that began gnawing on my brain.

What if those girls came over?

What would I do?

Where would I hide?

"Bella, are you going to get out of the car?"

"Huh?" I hadn't noticed we'd stopped. I rested my hand on the door handle but couldn't bring myself to open it. Even though the atmosphere in the car was a bit cold, it was more desirable to the unknown horrors that could be lurking inside Aunt Janet's house.

"Bella, you need to get out." He prodded. "I have a job to do and I can't get it done with you sitting in the car." He leaned over and opened the door. "Go on. Your aunt will be waiting for you."

I nodded and grabbed my bag off the floor.

"I don't know when I'll be home." He paused to check his watch, grimacing at the time. "I'll let Janet know my plans. And Bella," at hearing my name, I peered into the cruiser. He was leaned over the seat looking at me. " try and have a good day, Ok?" With that, he reached across the seat and grabbed the door handle shutting the door and was gone.

I stood in the driveway and watched the patrol car disappear down the street.

I turned and looked at the house that would be my day time home. It was a nice home with its wide inviting porch and many windows that made it appear as if it were smiling.

Like it was happy to see you.

Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark had purchased it when they got pregnant with Jasper. They envisioned a house full of children and bought accordingly. Unfortunately, its four big bedrooms housed only three people and after four miscarriages, my aunt and uncle decided to stop trying to fill it with more children. That was just one of the differences between Renee and Aunt Janet. Aunt Janet loved children and wanted more but was physically unable to have them. While Renee barely acknowledged the one she had and wouldn't even consider having more, even though she was perfectly capable of bearing more kids.

Despite the 'happy' appearance of the house, I still had a sense of foreboding. I was being silly. I had nothing to fear here. Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark had never been anything but loving to me. And despite my childhood skirmishes with Jasper. He'd never really hurt me and at times we got along rather well.

_Get over it Bella. This isn't Phoenix. _

Pulling the collar of my sweatshirt tighter to ward of the still chilly air, I walked myself up the porch and lifted my hand to knock on the front door.

Before my fist could connect with the door, it was wrenched open by my hurried looking uncle.

I didn't have a chance to make a noise or move out of his way, before we collided as he rushed from the house.

I started to fall backwards, my arms flailing in the wind. "Bella, I didn't see you there." He grabbed my arms to keep me from falling. "I'm so sorry about that." He flashed me a quick smile and ushered me into the house. "Good morning. Come in, come in." Reaching down, he picked up his dropped briefcase off the porch and shut the door.

The wonderful smells of a home cooked breakfast hovered thick in the air as I followed him through the foyer. "Blueberry pancakes and bacon." Uncle Mark chuckled as my stomach renewed its complaining over missing breakfast. I blushed as my stomach grumbled its excitement over the menu.

"Janet." Uncle Mark called out as we walked down the hall.

"Mark? I thought you'd left." Aunt Janet called from the kitchen. "Sweetheart, did you forget your briefcase again or did you want to follow through on that little promise you made this morning in the shower? Jasper is still asleep. I'm sure we could…"

Uncle Mark blushed and quickly interrupted her. "Um, Janet, I found a hungry young beauty on the porch."

_What had I walked in on?_

"Bella!" Aunt Janet smiled widely and rushed forward to give me a hug. "Good morning sweetie. I didn't expect you so early." She was speaking to me but her eyes were on her red faced husband.

"How did you sleep?" Her questions came rapidly, "Are you hungry? I bet my brother didn't even feed you before he just dropped you off." Her last statement was punctuated with a slight frown that seemed to illustrate her belief that in fact I'd not been fed this morning.

"Um, no, I haven't eaten yet. But you don't have to go to any trouble. A bowl of cereal or piece of toast is fine." I looked wistfully towards the table and what looked to be the remnants of a delicious breakfast.

"Well, I'm off." Uncle Mark leaned down and kissed Aunt Janet's cheek. "I should be home by six. Call me at work if you need anything."

"You two have a good day." Uncle Mark winked at us and left the room.

Aunt Janet stared after him for a moment before turning back to me. "Sit, sit." She pulled out a chair, patting the cushion. "Let me get you something to eat before Jasper wakes up," I sat down and placed my bag on the floor at my feet. "or there will be nothing left for anyone." She went to the refrigerator and got out a carton of eggs and milk.

I thought that was funny considering the size of the skinny boy I saw last night. Compared to me, Jasper looked practically emaciated. Of course, next to me Santa Claus looked anorexic.

"I hope that pancakes are alright."

"You don't have to go to that much trouble. A bowl of cereal would be fine." I was only being polite. I really wanted pancakes. Aunt Janet was an excellent cook and the most home cooking that Renee managed was occasionally warming up a can of soup and making a grilled cheese sandwich.

The sounds of plates being taken out of the cupboard and drawers being opened was music to my stomach. "Don't be silly. It takes no time at all to make a batch of pancakes. Besides, once Jasper is up Emmett won't be far behind and I've seen that boy be forcibly removed from an all you can eat buffet." She started cracking eggs and measuring all sorts of powders. I had no idea what she was doing. While eating was a skill I'd perfected over the years, cooking was a mystery.

"Honey, can you get the baking powder out of that cabinet for me please."

"Sure." My chair scraped against the spotless floor as I got up.

_Baking__soda,__cream__of__tartar,__meringue__powder_… the list of things I didn't have any idea what they were used for grew as I rooted around in the cabinet. _Ahh,__finally_. I pulled the little can out and walked over to where Aunt Janet stood with her electric mixer plugged in and ready.

"Thanks sweetie." I stood and watched as she popped the plastic lid off and measured out some of the white powder before dumping it into the bowl with the rest of her ingredients. "Here, you run the mixer." She handed me the heavy appliance before hustling back over to the refrigerator. "I think we'll make ginger pancakes this time around." I stood at the counter holding the mixer away from my body like it was a contagious disease or a small child with a runny nose and sticky fingers.

"Hmmm, where is my grater?"

I watched her open another drawer.

"Bella, the mixer won't hurt you." She chuckled as she turned and saw me and the mixer. "Good lord girl, haven't you ever used one before?"

"No, um, Renee doesn't really cook." I sat the mixer down on the counter.

"How does she keep that strapping young husband and you fed?"

"Take out."

"Take out." Aunt Janet repeated under her breath and shaking her head in disbelief.

"Doesn't that get old?"

I shrugged.

"What do you say I give you some cooking lessons while you're here?" She asked clearly excited at the prospect.

I smiled at her enthusiasm. "I'd like that."

She clapped her hands together, "Great. Your first lesson is how to use an electric mixer." She forced the mixer back into my hand.

Reluctantly, I took the imposing piece of machinery from her and stared at it. My eyes narrowed as I sized up the domestic device.

_OK,__Bella,__you__can__do__this.__You__'__re__on__solid__ground.__No__ice,__stairs__or__rocks__to__trip__over.__You__can__do__…_

"I'm asking you to mix some pancake batter, not diffuse a bomb." Aunt Janet's hand came up and smoothed over my furrowed brow. "Are you done psyching yourself up?"

I smiled and nodded. I was being silly.

"Now, slowly lower the mixer into the bowl and turn it on. Simple right?"

"Yes." With a deep breath I lowered the mixer into the bowl and flipped the switch all the way forward. The mixer roared to life and in a heartbeat, I was engulfed in a white cloud of pancake mix. Aunt Janet quickly turned the mixer off. Laughing as she waved her hands around trying to dissipate the cloud of flour I'd let loose in her pristine kitchen.

"I'm so sorry." I leaned over the sink and shook my head, shaking the dust out of my hair.

Laughter bubbled out of her tiny frame. "Wow, I haven't laughed like that in a long time." She wiped the tears out of her eyes, leaving little smudges of flour on her cheeks. "Oh Bella, I can tell having you around this summer is going to be a hoot."

Usually people are laughing at me falling on my butt, making fun of my weight or something else I've done that was stupid. Their laughter always had a vindictive and cruel tone to it. But Aunt Janet's didn't. Her laughter was neither malicious nor spiteful. It was just fun. I couldn't help but laugh too. It felt good.

Once we'd gotten our giggles out, Aunt Janet was back to business. "Ok, this time let's start the mixer on low and gradually increase the power. This way we won't make it snow again." She lowered the mixer back into the bowl and together we got the batter mixed.

Under Aunt Janet's watchful eye, I successfully poured, flipped and stacked my pancakes. Before long we had a platter full of the fluffy golden brown discs.

Just as we were sitting down to enjoy the fruits of our labors, Jasper wondered in looking half dead. "Oh, look my son the zombie is up." Jasper grunted at his mother before taking a seat and filling his plate. The butter hadn't even melted before there was a knock at the back screen door.

"Good morning Emmett." My aunt called without looking up from her plate.

"Morning Miss Janet." Dimples ambled in, letting the door slam behind him.

Jasper grunted in greeting, never taking his eyes off his plate. Emmett didn't seem to mind as he pulled out the chair beside my cousin and grabbed a plate. I sat in awe watching the boys eat. How did they stay so skinny? Ok, Emmett wasn't what I'd call skinny, but still.

"Thesh is relwy gwood, mish Janet." Little pieces of pancake flew from his mouth as he spoke.

"Emmett Cullen, you know better than to talk with your mouth full." Aunt Janet smacked him lightly on the back of his head as she walked past him to put her dishes in the sink.

"Thank you for the compliment. But Bella made these." She winked at me as she walked back to the table. Both boys stopped eating and looked at me. Their cheeks full of my hard work. Jasper smiled and went back to eating. Dimples took a big drink from the glass of milk Aunt Janet had sat down in front of him. I watched his cheeks puff out and his Adams apple bob as he swallowed the huge drink. "You made these B?"

I nodded as he wiped his mouth with the back of one of his huge paws. "Wow! J-man, the good cooking gene must run in your family. What color is your apron? Can you make me an apple pie for lunch?" Jasper elbowed the bigger boy in the ribs and went back to eating.

Emmett brushed the poke off with a halfhearted laugh before looking back to me. "Seriously B, these are really good."

I blushed at Emmett's compliment. "Thanks." I said quietly.

He'd called me "B". I'd never had a nickname from a non-family member that wasn't a putdown. I liked it. It made me feel, I don't know, accepted.

"So, what do you boys have planned for today?" Aunt Janet asked as she finished washing up the mess from breakfast.

Jasper finally looked up from his plate, "Tree house." He stated simply.

Emmett nodded quickly in agreement. "Yep, we've got big plans."

"As long as these 'big plans' don't include fire, or power tools you're good. Bella and I are going shopping. I need you to promise to stay out of the pool." She turned to walk out of the kitchen, stopping to turn back to the boys. "And off the roof." She looked pointedly at Emmett who looked sheepishly at the floor.

"Yes Miss Janet."

"Awww, c'mon mom we won't do that again." Jasper's voice was laced with teenage agitation.

"Oh, I know you won't." She stared at her son, blue eyes boring into blue eyes. "Because if you do, you'll never see the light of day again." She pointed her finger at both of them in turn before turning to me.

Unconsciously, I sat up a bit straighter in my chair. I knew I'd done nothing to earn her ire but after seeing both boys shrivel under her gaze I wasn't taking any chances.

"Bella dear, I'm going to go change and we'll be off."

I nodded and watched her disappear around the corner.

With Aunt Janet gone I was left alone with the two boys. Luckily, they'd begun going over the plans for their tree house and had apparently forgotten about me. I listened quietly as they planned out their day.

"Are you sure the wood from the shed is still good?"

"It looks OK to me. I checked for dry rot and stuff."

Not knowing how long Aunt Janet would be, I took out my book and began reading, only tuning into their conversation sporadically.

"It will take all day to drag it over here."

"Not if we use the golf cart."

"I thought you were banned from driving it after, you know," Jasper held up his fingers and made the universal sign for air quotes. "the incident."

"Hey, that damn Chihuahua had it coming." Emmett clenched his fists obviously still upset over whatever transgression he perceived the small dog had perpetrated.

"Riiiiight, that little dog deserved to be chased into the pool for having a tiny accident."

"Hey, that was my favorite pair of Chucks." Emmett's face got all red at the memory. "Mom made me throw them away after that little yappy turd peed on them."

Jasper rolled his eyes at I chuckled quietly behind my book at Emmett's retelling of his beloved 'pee shoes'.

"Besides mom has a client meeting today so we'll have a three hour window of opportunity. She won't know we used the cart." Emmett punctuated his statement by shoving the last remaining pancake into his mouth, chewing and then smiling. Chunks of masticated food dropped out of his mouth onto the table.

"Geez, Em you're so gross." Jasper slugged Emmett playfully on the arm. Emmett just smiled and continued chewing.

In spite of the fact that I'd never before been in the presence of teenage boys without looking for the closest window to jump out of, I found that I was fairly comfortable with my cousin and his cuddly friend. In fact, I marveled at the plans they were making for their tree house and secretly wished to be included.

"What about nails and stuff?"

Emmett took a drink of his milk and brushed some crumbs off his shirt with his big paw. I watched the crumbs fall to my aunt's clean floor. "Dude, I got Eddiekins set up pulling all of the old nails out." My ears perked up at the mention of Edward. I wondered if I'd see him today.

"What's that going to cost us?"

"Cost?" Emmett asked. "My baby brother is all hobbled up with a puffed up ankle the size of a loaf of bread. Eddiepie can barely move. I had to carry him to the bathroom this morning so he could take a leak. He's basically at my mercy."

"Sweet." Jasper and Emmett shared a male version of a hug: the ubiquitous fist bump.

_Sweet?_ Having a brother who is physically hurt to the point that he can't go to the bathroom without your assistance is sweet? There were only a few things that I knew for sure. One was that until I was thin enough to wear a size 2, I would continue to be an embarrassment to my mother. Another was that if I wasn't already on the floor, I would be landing there eventually and lastly, I do not understand boys.

I tried to keep my mind on the book I was reading. But I found myself more drawn to the conversation between the two boys than whether Jason Bourne would ever find his identity.

"Are you still thinking two stories?"

"Naw, we better keep it to one floor for now. But we can always add to it."

"Windows?"

"Duh, it's Forks. If we don't have windows we'll only be able to use the darn thing two weeks out of the year."

"Yeah." Jasper nodded in agreement. "Security?"

_Security? What were they worried about, maybe a roving band of delinquent squirrels stealing their comic books and Emmett's snacks? _

"I was thinking a rope ladder. It's cheap and easy. Plus, there's no way Edster could manage such a feat with his injuries, not to mention his tiny little arms."

_Ah, they were worried about little brothers stealing their comic books and snacks._

Emmett began to wave his arms around like they were barely connected. Both boys erupted in laughter over his antics.

I shifted in my seat as Emmett danced around. I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable as they made fun of the younger boy. I'd been on the other end of that stick far too often to be unaffected when another was being made the butt of a joke. I knew that there was genuine affection between the two brothers. I saw evidence of that last night when Emmett carried Edward home after his accident. But I also knew from listening to Phil talk about his siblings that some of the worst episodes of hazing he ever experienced were at the hands of his older brother and sister.

Brothers are confusing.

Luckily, I didn't have to ponder the complexities and absurdness of the older brother/younger brother relationship much longer; the boys stopped their antics when Aunt Janet breezed back into the room. Her skinny jeans, fashionable top and simple ballet flats were perfect for a trip to the linen store. I quickly glanced at my attire, baggy jeans and a t-shirt under a worn out hoodie that said "Arizona Diamondbacks" across the chest. My attire didn't scream, "Girls shopping trip." but rather it yelled, "I have no sense of style and need help!" I wondered if shopping with Aunt Janet wouldn't be the soul crushing experience that it was with Renee.

She eyed the boys warily before speaking to me, "Are you ready to go dear?"

I nodded and tucked my things back into my pack, before walking over to where she stood in the doorway. "Sweetie, you won't need your back pack. You can leave it in the hallway." She indicated for me to set it down by the front door.

Both boys stood up and followed us to the foyer where Aunt Janet issued her last minute instructions to them. "Remember what I said, no fire, no power tools, no pool, no cooking. My microwave has never been the same after you two tried to make yourselves baked potatoes in it."

"How were we supposed to know you had to poke them?" Emmett asked under his breath.

"You should have asked." I chuckled at the thought of them blowing up potatoes in Aunt Janet's immaculate kitchen.

"There was one more thing." She tapped her lip with her fingertip. "What was it?"

We stood in silence for a moment before I blurted out, "You told them to stay off the roof."

Both boys whipped their heads in my direction, suddenly remembering I was present.

I stood very still, not believing that I'd spoken aloud. What was I thinking? They're going to hate me now. I quickly glanced around for a hole large enough to crawl into.

"Yes!" She pointed a finger at each boy in turn. "Stay. Off. The. Roof. Thank you Bella."

Jasper and Emmett both gave me a look, but neither boy looked as if they wanted to kill me, so I let out that breath I was holding. Jasper's eyes were a bit narrowed as if accusing me of some kind of traitorous act. But Emmet actually smiled, almost like he was proud of me for speaking up.

I did that. I spoke up. Yes, I may have thrown my cousin and his friend under the proverbial bus. But the pride I felt for actually engaging in a conversation where I wasn't called on by a teacher far outweighed the possible wrath I might incur from Jasper and Emmett.

Aunt Janet continued with her directions for the day, once more demanding their attention, "I've already spoken to Esme and you'll have lunch over there. We should be home by early afternoon", she grabbed her purse and opened the door."Jasper, be nice to Edward and include him in the tree house plans." Jasper and Emmett shared a sly look. I could only guess that poor Edward would be included in the plans. Just not the way he would hope.

"OK mom" Jasper promised.

"He's a good boy."

"I know mom." Jasper sighed, clearly agitated at his mother's affection for Edward.

"Don't you worry Miss Janet; I always look after my little brother." Emmett beamed with his dimples on full display for her.

Emmett was a butt kisser. Who knew?

For the second time this morning I pitied Edward.

Aunt Janet smiled and ruffled Emmett's hair. "I know you do honey." He smiled wider under her attentions. And if it were possible, I would swear that his dimples got even dimplier. Jasper rolled his eyes, obviously done with watching his friend suck up to his mother. He grabbed Emmett's arm and dragged him forcibly down the hallway, clearly disturbed at his friends display. Emmett waved as they left.

We stood at the door watching them go until they were out of sight.

Aunt Janet shook her head at their antics. "Lord help us if that boy ever decides to run for office." She grabbed her keys off the table and opened the front door. "He'll have every female within 100 foot radius of those dimples and baby blues opening their wallets, and on their knees pledging their support."

We looked at each other and giggled as we got into the Tahoe.

"Well Bella, we're fed, dressed and have credit cards with high limits. Are you ready for a day of fun?"

My normal reaction would have been to frown and deny that I was even capable of having a fun day. But this morning I'd already had more fun than I could remember. Who was to say the rest of the day wouldn't be just as great?

I turned to my aunt and answered truthfully, "Yes, yes I am."

* * *

><p><strong>Yay! A girls shopping trip. Who wants to go? Does Emmett remind anyone else of Eddie Haskell from 'Leave it to Beaver'? LOL! <strong>

**Next chapter will focus on Bella and Edward's friendship. **

**To all of you who have reviewed, thank you, thank you, thank you. You have no idea what it means to me to read your thoughts and encouragement. **


	4. Chapter 4

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I'm still setting the stage a little but I think you'll enjoy the interaction between Bella and Edward. **

** Reflections is beta'd by the perfectly coiffed, Mullet86. Love you Babs! **

**Reflections**

**Chapter 4**

"Your Uncle Mark is going to kill me when he sees this month's credit card statement." Aunt Janet grimaced as she struggled to close the door to the back of her car. "I don't think we left much inventory in the linen store" She chuckled. The beeping of the door confirmed that it was locked and our treasures were safely secured.

"You really didn't need to buy all of that." I said, gesturing to the overflowing cargo area of the Tahoe.

"Don't be silly." She admonished, unlocking the doors of the car and walking to her door. "What kind of aunt would I be if I didn't strive to make your stay with us as comfortable as possible?"

I clumsily hoisted myself into the passenger seat of her big SUV, marveling out how easy my petite aunt made the task appear. "Making me comfortable doesn't mean buying me two complete bed sets." I countered, buckling my seatbelt. Yes, two complete sets. I'd thought she was kidding when she'd mentioned outfitting my _bedrooms_ last night at the party. But it turns out she wasn't. Apparently I wasn't only spending my days at Aunt Janet's. I would also stay with her on the nights Charlie worked the late shift. She'd insisted on purchasing linens for both rooms as well as matching bathroom décor for my bathroom at her house. "I really don't need all of this to be comfortable." I mumbled, halfway embarrassed that she was making such a fuss over me when my own mother rarely acknowledged me much less worried about my level of comfort.

She started the car and adjusted the temperature. Despite the cloudy cool weather, the inside of the Tahoe was a bit on the stuffy side. I tilted to vent so the cool air blew on my face.

"First, it's not about need Bella. I wanted you to have these things." She paused and leaned over to pat my knee. "Secondly, I strongly believe that a beautiful girl should be surrounded by beautiful things. If I left it up to your father, you'd be surrounded by plaid and drying yourself with a 'Shamwow'. "She winked and began to back out of the parking stall. I let her absurd assertion that I was beautiful pass. I didn't really feel like having that conversation. But I couldn't hold back a chortle at her sad but true 'Shamwow' statement. I'd noted the lack of towels in Charlie's bathroom last night. In fact, I'd noticed the lack of several things in the house. Things like soap that didn't smell like an Irish Spring, washcloths, Kleenex, cleaner for the tub or the toilet, toothbrush holder and anything that resembled a bath mat. It was a sparse, no frills type of room, much like the man who inhabited it. Charlie's bathroom was a world apart from the overly decorated bath I had at Renee's house.

Thankfully, Aunt Janet's tastes in décor was somewhere in the middle of the two styles, neither early lumberjack nor pretty princess. She'd allowed me to pick the linens for both rooms and demanded that they be different. For my room at Charlie's I'd chosen a simple shiny dark purple comforter with dark purple stitching. It was feminine without being too frilly and pink. Like the stuff that currently adorned my childhood bed.

For her house, I'd chosen a taupe colored comforter with lavender flowers and sage green leaves and vines. Aunt Janet had insisted on purchasing the dust ruffle, pillow shams, curtains, rugs and everything for the bathroom that matched the bed set. I even got new sheets that matched both comforter sets. _"Bye, Bye" Care Bear sheets!_

In spite of the Tahoe's size, we easily maneuvered around the crowded lot. I guess the 'Bath, Bed and Beyond' store was the happening place to be in Port Angeles on a Sunday afternoon. I stared absently out of the window as Aunt Janet chatted excitedly. My mind started to drift and I began wonder how Emmett and Jasper were doing. They'd spoken so animatedly about their project this morning at breakfast that I couldn't help but be a little excited about it myself.

I absently rubbed circles onto the leg of my jeans as I wondered how much they'd gotten accomplished on their tree house. My thoughts took a turn and drifted to Edward. I'd felt bad when the two boys were picking on him at breakfast. As far as I could tell he was pleasant enough and sure didn't appear to be the pest that Jasper and Emmett made him out to be. But then again, I'm in no way an expert when it came to boy behavior so I could be wrong.

Funny enough, I found myself wanting to know more about Edward. I wondered how old he was, what grade was he in? He was obviously smaller than me but then again who wasn't? But he was also smaller than Jasper and Emmett.

Why was he doing a ballerina twirl in the driveway last night? Even as an admitted amateur on adolescent male behavior, I knew they didn't routinely do a lot of twirling.

"Does that sound OK?"

I snapped out of my daydream at her question.

_Crap!_ I wasn't listening. "Um, sure." I said uncertainly. _Double crap!_ What had I just agreed to? Knowing my aunt it could be as trivial as agreeing that I'd like pizza for dinner or as scary as agreeing to attend an all girls slumber party. Complete with hair braiding, toenail painting and _shudder_, talking about boys.

"Good. I'm so excited Bella. Jasper will barely allow me to buy him underwear at Target anymore. "She smiled widely as the Tahoe made a quick lane change.

_Wait, Jasper… underwear… What?_

My embarrassment at getting caught for not paying attention and possibly agreeing to something that I was unqualified to handle, quickly evaporated at the thought of my cousin Jasper in his tidy whities.

_Cringe. Shudder. Cringe. _

"We're going to have such a good time." She exclaimed. Her eyes shone with excitement at the impending fun times ahead. I grabbed the 'oh shit' handle on side of my door as the Tahoe negotiated another sudden lane change. Despite its bulk, my body shifted in the seat from the force of the maneuver.

_Holy Cow!_ Where did my docile aunt learn to drive? I was sure that Charlie would not approve of her erratic driving skills, but didn't have time to ponder her lead foot or blatant disrespect for proper passing procedures before she began weaving in and out around the traffic. Her giant SUV darted in and out of traffic, a close call with the back end of a Honda Civic, had me fearing for my life. I closed my eyes and cringed, hoping that the other cars on the road would have the good sense to get out of her way.

"Honk! Honk!" The horns of the other traffic blared as we barreled down the road.

"Out of my way granny!" Aunt Janet yelled out the window. I couldn't help but giggle at her outburst. "I don't get to drive in traffic like this very often." She admitted with a sheepish grin.

After a couple more close calls and a few more honked horns, we pulled into the parking lot of a mall.

_Another mall? No. No. No. I don't deserve that kind of punishment just for not paying attention. _

"This is going to be so much fun." Fun? If this were going to be fun, I'd be in a dark room with surround sound technology blaring the lines of a current thriller or action movie. There would be ice cold bottles of Diet Dr. Pepper, bowls of buttery popcorn and multiple boxes of Hot Tamales and Pretzel M&M's as far as the eye could see. I have several descriptive words I would use my impending foray into brick and mortar building before me. 'Fun' was not one of them.

"Um, OK." Still having no idea of what I'd agreed to or why we were in the parking lot of Hell, I followed her out of the car and tried not to let the fear show on my face as we entered the mall. As far as I was concerned, the slamming of the car door might as well have been the clank of a cell door on Alcatraz.

Have I ever expressed how much I hate the mall? Well, I do. I hate it with a passion. Fat girls with low self esteem have no place in a building with mirrors everywhere and pretzel and Cinnabon stands on every corner. Seriously, what can possibly be gained by making us watch blank eyed, plastic skinned mannequins wearing size 0 skinny jeans wander around places like The Gap and then tempt us with parmesan coated doughy goodness?

Oh 'Auntie Em,' you tempting bitch.

"I think we should have a quick lunch and then get started." Having come this far without knowing what exactly was planned, I merely nodded and followed her into the food court.

Several hours later we emerged from Hell laden with even more shopping bags to add to the bulging trunk of the Tahoe. Fueled by Chick-filet sandwiches and diet cokes, we'd visited every store in that place that sold plus size clothes. In addition to the new bed spreads and bathroom stuff, I now had two new pairs of jeans, three pairs of shorts, five tops, a pair of flip flops, and to my great dismay, a one piece bathing suit. It was called a 'skirtini'. I didn't care what you called it. The thing covered my thighs and that's all I cared about. We even got a purple cover up that did exactly that. It covered me from my neck to my knees. I didn't anticipate needing it since I had no intention to ever bare that much skin outside the privacy of my bathroom. But Aunt Janet insisted that I get it since she'd planned for many summer afternoons of lying around the pool. I doubted very much that the cover up, much less the 'skirtini' would ever see the light of day but allowing my aunt to purchase them for me made her happy, so I conceded.

Spending the day shopping with my aunt was much less stressful than doing the same with Renee. With Aunt Janet, there were no reproachful or disapproving looks and words. She was all helpful suggestions and funny comments. Not once did she chastise me when I couldn't fit my size 16 butt into a size 10 pair of jeans. She merely went out and got me the bigger size. When the young attendant at Hot Topic snidely remarked that the Scooby Doo t-shirt I was trying on didn't come in "hefty size", my petite and well mannered aunt went straight to the manager and demanded the girl apologize. She apologized through gritted teeth; we bought the shirt and after a quick reprimand from my angry aunt we left the store with a promise to never return. I hate to admit that I took any pleasure from watching another person being scolded, but, um I really did! Inside I was jumping cartwheels at witnessing the bully get a dose of her own medicine.

After the episode in the t-shirt shop, we wondered into the sweetly perfumed world of Bath and Body Works. Aunt Janet had claimed she needed to cleanse the stink of pettiness from her nostrils. One Cherry Orchid body wash for her and a Vanilla Caramel lotion for me, we were back in the overflowing Tahoe and headed back to Forks.

The drive back to Forks was filled with more horn honking lane changes and ABBA sing along.

Who knew Aunt Janet was a 'Dancing Queen' diva?

The rest of the drive was filled with more disco music and easy conversation. We talked about the new linens and clothes we'd purchased. We discussed paint schemes and the dangers of updating the early 1970's theme that permeated Charlie's house. Charlie was very set in his bachelor ways and any attempts to drag him into the current century could potentially be dangerous to anyone who tried it. He did carry a gun after all. But the possible dangers were nothing compared to the truly hideous avocado green, plastic barca lounger that now resided in the corner of Charlie's living room. That thing was an affront to anyone with eyes. I also had the sense that my aunt was not scared of Charlie. She may be small, but she sure wasn't timid.

"I wonder how the boys have gotten along while we've been gone."

I was actually wondering the same thing.

She let out a deep breath. "I hate leaving them home alone." She glanced at me briefly before putting her attention back on the road. "Not because I don't think they're old enough to take care of themselves mind you. It's just that those two seem to have a knack for ignoring common sense."

"A year or so ago, I left them alone for the afternoon while I went to the hair dresser's, only to come back and find burned popcorn all over the kitchen and one of my best pans scorched beyond recognition."

I straightened up in my seat as she continued regaling me with the boy's antics. "One time they decided to make themselves baked potatoes as an after school snack. They blew the door right off my microwave and I was cleaning potato off my walls, ceiling and floor for a week."

I couldn't help myself. I started to laugh. They'd all alluded to this incident this morning in the kitchen. I was hoping someone would give me the rest of the story.

She looked over at me and smiled as I giggled. "Oh, I can laugh about it now too. Of course having the boys scrub and repaint my kitchen helped."

As an only child and a fairly timid one at that, I was captivated by her tales of the boy's antics. I wanted to hear more.

"When we left you warned them to not go on the roof. Why?" She chuckled at my question.

"Oh lord, the roof incident." She paused to turn the radio down. "I blame your uncle for that one. It was his idea to get them that damn trampoline. He was being sentimental about his childhood summers." Trampoline plus roof? This cannot end well.

"The boys loved that thing, couldn't get enough of it. They even slept on it a couple nights." I giggled as my mind brought forth a hilarious image of my cousin and Emmett snuggled together on top of a trampoline.

"Despite my misgivings, we'd allowed them to take down the protective netting. Big mistake." She shook her head slightly from side to side. "I was inside doing laundry and your uncle was mowing the front yard. Thank goodness we were home when it happened." She paused and I could tell that despite how funny this story started out, something bad had also happened.

She took a deep breath before continuing. "Those two decided to climb up onto the roof and jump off onto the trampoline." My eyes got wide as I thought about the simple physics of that maneuver. "Did they get hurt?" I'd guessed by her earlier frown the answer was yes, but I asked anyway.

"Did _they_ get hurt?" She shook her head. ''Oh no dear, _they_ didn't get hurt"

I was confused. If they didn't get hurt than why did the incident still obviously upset her?

My confusion must have shown on my face. "It was Edward." She said softly.

"Edward?" I heard the alarm in my voice and cringed. I didn't understand why it was there and I wasn't sure I wanted to know. I decided to stuff that little unsettling tidbit in a box and deal with it later

She turned onto Orchard Drive; we had only minutes before we'd be home.

"Yes, Jasper and Emmett decided to try out their plan on Edward before jumping themselves." Her voice turned somber. "I was upstairs putting away towels when I saw him flying across the lawn. He landed in that big elm tree out back and ended up with a broken arm and numerous scrapes and bruises."

I gasped. I'd only just met Edward last night but the thought of him hurtling through the air to land in a tree and end up broken and bruised, disturbed me.

"That was my reaction too." She said in acknowledgement of my earlier gasp.

"Poor Edward, he's such a sweet boy but there's a lot of fight and determination in him too. Thank God because he seems to find himself in the middle of Jasper and Emmett's schemes more often than not. And unfortunately, he usually ends up bearing the physical brunt of whatever it is they've come up with."

Suddenly I remembered what Jasper and Emmett had said this morning in the kitchen. They'd talked about using Edward to do a lot of they're grunt work for the tree house. I hoped we would come home to find Edward unscathed.

"How do they get Edward to do that stuff?"

"Edward is the younger brother." She stated matter of factly. I tapped my fingers on my knees as I waited for more of an in depth explanation why Edward's age would have anything to do with why he'd be the guinea pig for Emmett and Jasper.

Finally, I couldn't wait for her to be more forthcoming. I gripped the arm rest and leaned closer to her. "I don't understand. What does being younger have to do with it?"

"I guess as an only child it would be difficult for you to understand." She paused for a moment and made what I'm fairly sure was an illegal left turn. Once the UPS truck that we barely missed was safely on its way to deliver another box of Amazon books or shoes from Zappos, she continued with her explanation. "Well, as the youngest he's constantly looking for acceptance from Emmett and Jasper. He does things like jump off of roofs, crawl under sheds and eat questionable things all in the name of being accepted. In order to be included, he tends to cater to them." With that, she shrugged and turned her full attention back to driving.

Leaning back into my seat, I mulled over what she said for a moment. Admittedly as an only child I was oblivious to things like sibling rivalry but if there was one thing I knew a lot about, it was how a person would be willing to do almost anything in order to gain acceptance. I was quite familiar with the sting of rejection and how the fear of one could push a smart person to do 'un-smart' things.

"Did you act like that with dad?" I wondered if it was just a male thing or a sibling thing. My knowledge was limited on both counts.

Aunt Janet tapped the steering wheel. "Well, I think it might be a little different between brothers. Grandma Marie would have beaten your father six ways from Sunday if he'd ever allowed me to jump off a roof." I nodded. Grandma Marie was a tough egg. She was fiercely protective of her loved ones.

"I remember one time I wanted to go fishing with him and Billy. He made me make the lunches, carry the poles and handle all of the worms." I looked at her in astonishment. The mental image of my petite, well coiffed aunt out on a boat handling dirty, smelly worms was practically inconceivable.

"Don't look so surprised." She gave me a side glance. "I have no problem getting dirty when the situation calls for it." I got another side glance with a raised eyebrow. "But I only did that once. Most of the time, your dad did his thing and I did mine. His things usually involved melting plastic army men with a magnifying glass while I occupied myself with things that were a bit more civilized."

"Is it just a boy thing to jump off roofs onto trampolines? "

"I think that's probably more of just a Jasper and Emmett thing." She laughed and pulled into the driveway.

"Well, the house is still standing and I don't see any evidence that fire trucks have been here." I looked out the window as she pointed to the still pristine lawn. "That has to be a good sign. Right?" She asked hopefully and cautiously unbuckled her seatbelt.

Having just heard about the things Jasper and Emmett could get into when unsupervised I laughed at her assumption that just because there were no tell tale truck tire marks on the lawn, that everything was OK.

"Let's grab a few things and then we'll have the boys unload the rest." I nodded and pushed my way out of the car. Shielding my eyes from the rare ray of sunlight to penetrate the murky Forks sky, I took another glance at the house for anything amiss. Seeing no scorch marks or broken windows, I headed back to help Aunt Janet unload our stuff.

I rounded the back of the SUV as the hatch came up. I found my aunt with her hands on her hips, surveying the mountain of bags threatening to spill out of the car. Suddenly there was a slight shift in the pile. "Whoa!"Aunt Janet screamed and slammed the door down before we could be buried under bags of linens and plus sized clothing.

"What say we just have the boys come and unload the whole thing while we sit on the porch sipping lemonade, like the two ladies we are?"

Hmmmmm, make the boys do all of the heavy lifting, while I sit in a comfy chair, sipping on a refreshing drink? "That sounds like a good deal to me." Laughing, we shook on it and walked up the stairs to the front door.

Slowly, Aunt Janet opened the front door and cautiously stepped into the house. Not seeing any broken furniture or water streaming out of the kitchen, we walked further into the house.

"Look!" Aunt Janet exclaimed, pointing to her still in one piece kitchen. "No potato on the ceiling and the door is still on my microwave." She clapped in mock excitement.

"I wonder where those two are." She leaned over the sink to look out the window onto the backyard.

"Found them!" I heard her exclaim as I was grabbing my backpack from the hallway and sat down at the table. "They're out here in the back yard." She pointed out the window. "Typical boys, they're surrounded by chunks of wood… and junk food wrappers?"

"No, no, no. Growing boys need ham and cheese sandwiches. Not Twinkies and Tim-Tams."

I chuckled at the sound of dismay in her voice.

"I bet they're thirsty. Don't they look thirsty?" Before I could agree or disagree she decided for me. "Why don't you take them out some drinks while I fix us all a snack?" The question was obviously rhetorical. Because before I could offer an answer, two ice cold glasses of lemonade were shoved into my hands and I was pushed out the door.

The sliding door slammed behind me and I was alone on the deck.

"Hi." The sound of the glass falling to the deck was followed by my scream of surprise.

"Oops sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Then why did you sneak up on me?" I questioned in a fairly gruff voice.

"Umm, sneak?" Edward smiled and gestured towards his crutches and puffy ankle.

Despite being surrounded by broken glass and a sticky, cold beverage, I had to laugh at the absurdity of Edward and his messed up appendage sneaking up on anyone.

"Ok maybe not." I grudgingly admitted.

"I heard a crash." Aunt Janet stuck her head out of the door and quickly surveyed the damage. "What happened? Are you OK?"

I nodded and pointed to where Edward sat on the deck.

She turned towards him. "Oh, hi Edward." He waved shyly. "How are you feeling? Better I hope." He nodded slightly. "Good to hear. Would you like a ham sandwich and a glass of lemonade?" He nodded enthusiastically. "Great. I'll bring it right out." Her head quickly disappeared back into the house, intent on feeding her growing boys.

I stood in quiet shock as I was left to stand in my sticky circle of carnage. She was just going to leave me here surrounded by shards of broken glass? Didn't she know I was clumsy? I'm surprised my mother doesn't make me wear a sign around my neck warning people of my aptitude for tripping over air and catching my shoe laces in escalator teeth. Boy that was an embarrassing trip to Macy's. But then again, weren't they all?

"Are you just going to stay standing there in that mess?" Edward raised his eyebrows quizzically from his comfy chaise lounge perch.

"No!" I snapped. I would eventually find a way out of the ring of flesh slicing shards. I hoped.

I was still contemplating my way out of the chaos with Edward watching silently, when Jasper and Emmett decided to wander in from their backyard construction site.

"What the hell happened here B?" Emmett asked, surveying the crash site.

"Geez cuz, you're still just as clumsy as ever." My soon to be dead cousin chimed in.

"So, B is a bit ungainly huh?" I glared at Emmett and again attempted to find an escape.

"Oh my god." Jasper exclaimed and gestured wildly with his hands. "Do you remember the time you tripped over Grandma Marie's poodle and landed face first into her dirty laundry basket?" My face reddened at the memory. "You got up and had giant white…" I launched myself at Jasper. But being the giant land mass that I am, 'launch' meant to only jump several inches off the ground and come to rest on my hands and knees in front of a surprised Edward. His eyes were as big as saucers as he took in my giant body huddled at his feet.

"Yeah, it was just like that only you don't have the granny panties and bra hanging off your head." The raucous laughter of both Jasper and Emmett was horrifying to my ears.

"Dude, you…" Emmett had to bend over to catch his breath before continuing. "You had a granny bra on your face!" Both boys were bowled over in their mirth.

"Grandma Marie's bra took up half of your face. You were stumbling around screaming that you'd gone blind." The two hyena's laughter got louder.

My forehead hit the deck as I used my hair to hide my red face. "Damn B, you're about as graceful as Eddie- poo over there." Emmett motioned to the now red faced Edward as he wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Stuff it Em." Edward retorted, glaring at his brother.

"Bumble, grumble, stumble…" Emmett muttered. He tapped his temple in thought as he mumbled to himself.

"Here let me help you." Edward thrust his hand down to help me up off the deck. I stared at him like he'd asked me to donate a kidney. His hand hung suspended before my face for about thirty seconds before he spoke again. "It's not dirty or anything." He looked down at his hand, turning it slowly to look at both sides.

"Don't believe him B, he picks his nose with that hand." Jasper pointed out. "I've seen it."

"Shut it Jasper."

I wasn't worried that his hand was dirty. I was surprised at his offer. No one had ever tried to help me up after one of my 'accidents'. Even as he made fun of my rescuer, my own family made no move to help me. Edward looked down and slowly started to withdraw his hand. _Oh no. He thinks I've rejected him. _Without thinking about the unlikelihood that Edward actually possessed the strength to lift me off the ground, I grabbed his hand. He smiled and pulled back. Between the two of us, I was able to finally get off the deck and landed next to him on the chaise lounge.

"Well it's nice to see one of you was brought up to be a gentleman." Aunt Janet suddenly appeared with a tray of sandwiches and a pitcher of lemonade.

"Here let me help you with that Miss Janet." Emmett stopped his incoherent mumbling and jumped up to grab the pitcher out of my aunt's hands. He sat it down on the table and turned to smile at her. "Kiss butt." I heard Edward mumble beside me. I choked back a giggle which earned a crooked grin from Edward.

"Thank you Emmett." Emmett beamed at my aunt. "Why don't you and Jasper go get the glasses I've laid out?" She waved them towards the kitchen. They lumbered off to do her bidding. "Grab a mop and a dust pan to clean up the glass." She yelled after them.

I sat silently next to Edward and watched while he picked at the flowered fabric of the chair as Aunt Janet busied herself with dishing up the sandwiches. Soon the return of Jasper and Emmett was heralded by the sound of two mop handles smacking against each other joust style. Emmett flew out of the door first. His back was to us. His feet shuffled in a dancing pattern as he met Jasper's lunges. "Boys, boys, that's enough." Aunt Janet's order was ignored as the clanking of the two mops echoed across the deck as they continued their dance. Sighing, she grabbed the dust pan and began picking up the glass pieces.

"You have besmirched my family name. Prepare to eat deck knave." Jasper lunged forward, forcing 'Bear Boy' back several steps.

"Thee will be the one eating deck you scurvy…"Emmett's voice trailed off as he slipped on the lemonade and fell on his butt. "Shit!" Emmett yelled. He wasn't on the ground 10 seconds before Edward started laughing. Jasper soon joined in. I sat silently on the chaise. It wasn't in me to laugh at another's misfortune. How many times had I been on the receiving end of that stick?

"Language!" Aunt Janet chastised, as she went back into the house to dispose of the broken glass.

As soon as she disappeared, Emmett hauled himself up from the deck. "Geez Emmett, you hit the floor so hard you wet yourself." Edward laughed and pointed to the big wet spot that adorned the back of Emmett's pants. "Watch it 'Special Ed'. At least I didn't break a leg walking across a flat surface." Emmett pointed to Edward's sprained ankle. The two brothers glared at each other. I spoke up in Edward's defense. "He didn't trip over air; he did a twirl and lost his balance." All at once three sets of eyes zeroed in on me. I shrank into my seat. The look I was receiving from Edward led me to believe that I just divulged something he'd prefer to have left a secret between him and the driveway.

"So, Eddikins was doing a little dance for you. Huh, B?"

"Were you wearing your tutu or was it at the cleaners?" Jasper teased.

I could feel the embarrassment roll off of Edward. His fists clenched and the tips of his ears turned red. If it were possible, I shrank even further into the seat, hoping to disappear into the flowered fabric.

"Shut up Jasper." Edward's voice cracked with his demand.

"Did you have your tights on or were you going commando?" Jasper rewarded Emmett with a high five.

"Stop it!" I watched Edward's fists clench and unclench as he fumed over the boys taunting.

"Wait, I got this." Emmett took a deep breath before continuing. "Where you practicing for that summer job as Tinkerbell at Disney World?"

Finally Edward had enough. He grabbed his crutches and got up off the chair. Emmett turned to him and the two brothers glared menacingly at each other.

Finally Edward broke the silence. "At least I never fell off a stage taking out the first row of the orchestra." It was Emmett's turn to be embarrassed. His blue eyes got real wide and then turned hard. While Edward's comment puzzled the hell out of me, it was readily apparent that there was more to that story. And that Emmett was not at all happy with his brother bringing it up. "You better stop right now Ed." Emmett warned. His lips were drawn tight and his voice was deep and strong as he glared at Edward. "I'm warning you."

"I'm not scared of you Em."

"Then you're not as smart as everything seems to think you are." Emmett spat back.

Jasper and I sat silently, watching the two brothers stare at each other. Edward's knuckles turned white around the handles of his crutches and his eyes narrowed into slits. Once again, my inexperience with sibling friction reared its ugly head. What was I supposed to do? Did I try to separate them? Did I yell for my aunt? I looked to Jasper and tilted my head towards the two boys, silently asking him to stop whatever was about to happen. Surely he'd seen them act like this before. He'd know what to do. _Right?_ He just shrugged and went back to watching them.

_Great. Now what?_

"What's going on" Thank God for Aunt Janet. "Boys, is there a problem?" Her stern tone caused both boys to turn towards her. I could visibly see the tension release in Edward as he loosened his grip on his crutches. Emmett's body relaxed as well. His shoulders slumped and he took two very deep breaths. "No Miss Janet, no problem." Emmett flashed his dimples and went to sit down in the chair next to Jasper. Edward resumed his position next to me on the lounge chair. "OK then, everyone grab a sandwich. There's carrot and celery sticks as well as fresh lemonade." Her statement did not disguise her tone. She knew something was going on with the two brothers, she was choosing to ignore it. Jasper and Emmett eagerly grabbed themselves plates of food and drinks. "Edward, would you like a sandwich?"

"Yes, ma'am." He said quietly. She hurriedly turned to grab Edward his snack.

"Bella, are you hungry?"

I shook my head no. "Some lemonade?" She turned and shook a glass at me. The ice cubes clinked seductively against the sides of the glass. I licked my lips, feeling the dry, chapped skin.

"I could use a drink." I got up to take the glass from my aunt but succeeded in tangling my feet up in Edward's crutches and knocking them over. In fear of being crushed by my bulk, Edward put his hands on my waist to stabilize my body.

His warm hands felt foreign and awkward on my hips. Only family ever touched me and even then it was usually hugs from Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark. Unsurprisingly, Renee was not very affectionate.

Edward had touched me twice in two days.

He wasn't even family!

"Whoa, are you OK?" I nodded quickly, shaking off his hands and sat back down, once again using my hair to hide my embarrassment. I also tugged at my shirt, hoping to hide my fat rolls.

"Stumble B" Emmett exclaimed, snapping his fingers. "That's what I'm going to call you." He beamed at me and took a huge bite of ham sandwich. Jasper shook his head at Emmett's outburst and continued eating his snack. Great one more name to add to the others. 'Stumble B' was mild in relation to 'Jelly Belly' and about a dozen more names I'd been called in my years as a fat girl.

"There will be no name calling Emmett." Aunt Janet admonished him while handing me my drink. She winked at me before turning and asking the boys about the construction of their tree house. As interested as I was in their plans earlier today, I found myself indifferent to them now.

The boys chatted to my aunt while I sat silently next to Edward. I sipped my lemonade, concentrating hard not to drop it. I was sure that even though I'd already dropped two glasses today, I was still under my daily limit for destruction.

"You know there's more to that story." Edward whispered to me, in between bites of his sandwich.

"Huh?"

"Emmett used to take ballet classes."

I quickly glanced at my aunt and the boys. They were still deep in conversation. "He did?" My mouth dropped at Edward's admission

Edward smiled at my expression. "Oh yeah, he was like a ballet savant or something. He wore the tights, the shoes… everything."

I could feel my eyes widen at the thought of Emmett in tights. _Yikes!_ That was just all kinds of wrong.

"What happened?"

Edward glanced slyly towards his brother before scooting closer to me. "He and my mom traveled all over the West coast with his dance troupe. Well, they did until the 'incident'." He used air quotes when he said incident.

I leaned closer so he wouldn't be overheard by the grumpy looking boy we were gossiping about.

"The troupe was performing in a contest for the privilege to tour Europe and perform for famous people like kings and queens." I was astonished. I looked over at Emmett, trying to imagine him as a ballet dancer. I couldn't. The boy was built like a pro wrestler.

Edward must have recognized my doubt. "Emmett didn't look like he does now. He was smaller. More like me." Edward frowned and lowered his eyes. I wondered if he felt a bit self conscious about his size. I smiled at him, hoping to covey that I could relate to what he was feeling.

"Well two summers ago he had a growth spurt."

"He got huge," Edward moved his hands like someone would if they were exaggerating the size of fish they'd caught. "Huge like he is now. Dad called him 'Left foot Louie' because he tripped over his feet all of the time." He grinned. I nodded in understanding, urging him to continue with his tale.

"They were doing a routine where Emmett was supposed to lift the ballerina up into the air, leap across the stage and then catch her."

"Emmett threw her way up into the air like she was a football, but when he did his leap, he over shot the target and fell into the orchestra pit." I covered the sound of my gasp with my hand. Edward grinned. "Yep. The girl fell onto the stage and Emmett broke both of his legs when he landed in the pit. He destroyed three violins, one cello and the conducter had to have a French horn removed from his… his um, his butt."

I covered my mouth trying to contain my giggles.

The sounds of my muffled mirth must have carried over to the part of the deck where my aunt, Jasper and Emmett were sitting. "What's got you two all giggly?" Aunt Janet asked, turning to look at us.

Edward smiled widely and stated simply, "I was just telling Bella a joke." My aunt's eyes widened, she winked at me before going back to her conversation with the boys. Apparently, both Cullen boys liked to dazzle my aunt with their smiles.

I looked over at Edward; his eyes twinkled as he made an exaggerated motion like he was throwing a ball up in the air.

He was obviously mimicking what Emmett had done to the ballerina. I couldn't hold in my laughter any longer. The thought of Emmett in a leotard surrounded by tiny girls in fluffy pink tutus was too much. Before I knew it, the sound of my own laughter filled my ears. Soon, the sound of Edward's laughter joined mine.

Our shoulders bumped together as we laughed. Instantly, I pulled away not knowing if it was OK that our bodies touched. I wasn't used to people touching me voluntarily. But when I moved away, Edward shifted his body closer and bumped my shoulder once more before leaning back.

It was…_nice. _

Once our laughter died down, Edward sighed and spoke again. "After that, Emmett was declared too big to dance with the troupe anymore. The lucky dog." Edward lowered his eyes and looked onto the yard. His statement was laced with what sounded like jealousy.

I knew there was more to this story. Emboldened by the bonding we'd shared over Emmett's brief ballet career, I cocked an eyebrow in his direction, silently demanding that he finish the story.

"Um, well, you see my mom was a classically trained ballerina. She studied at the Princeton Ballet School in New Jersey. I guess she was really good." He shrugged.

"And?" _Where did pushy Bella come from? I don't know but something about Edward made me feel comfortable being her._

He rubbed his neck and sighed. "She met my dad when he was looking at some clinic or something like that, a place where he could finish his doctor school." Wow, I knew from the brief moment I got to see his mom that she was beautiful but a real ballerina? Just wow!

"Anyways, one big fat Emmett baby later, she couldn't dance anymore. But she keeps hoping that one of us can." I sat in silence and absorbed his last statement, which was quite a feat because he said it in one rushed breath.

"Wait, let me get this right. You said that Emmett used to dance but had to quit because he grew to be the overgrown bear cub that I see now?" I gestured to where 'Yogi' was stuffing another sandwich into his mouth. I shook my head in wonderment as the whole sandwich disappeared in seconds. It's a wonder the boy still had all of his fingers.

"Bear cub?" Edward chocked.

"Yeah, he looks like a cuddly bear cub with dimples."

"Cuddly?" Edward's laughter became louder.

"Shhhh." I admonished. "He'll hear you."

Edward slapped a hand over his mouth in an effort to muzzle his sounds.

"Wait, you said that your mom keeps hoping that _one of you can dance_." Suddenly, Edward's laughter stopped. Uh, oh, I think I was onto something. I let the now silent Edward sit and stew for a moment while I figured the rest of the story out.

"So, does that mean that you dance?" Edward's whole body sagged at my statement. I guessed that was a 'yes'.

"Yes." He admitted quietly. He was obviously embarrassed.

I was quick to try and make him feel better. "That's nothing to be ashamed of Edward."

He shook his head and frowned. "You don't understand. Emmett was really good and he liked it but his size closed that door for him." I wouldn't understand? Um, I think I know a little about how a person's size will not only close doors, but also double and triple bolt them shut.

"Look at me." He demanded. "Look at my ankle." I winced as I did. It really looked gross. I mean like scary monster makeup gross. I don't think there are names for all of the colors his puffy foot was sporting. "Yeah, it's a beauty alright."

"I was late to your party because I was at dance class. And I fell in the driveway trying to perform a simple 'Spring Pointe'." I knew nothing about dance and had no idea if the maneuver he was trying to do was hard or not. Judging from the scowl on Edward's face, I'd guess it wasn't that hard.

"A 'Spring Pointe' is a very basic move." Hmm, I wonder if Edward can read minds.

"Finally my stupid stunted body is the right size for something and I end having absolutely no talent for it at all. Instead, I trip and fall doing a move a three year old could accomplish." He looked over at Emmett. "He had the talent but his body actually grows so instead of taking stupid ballet, he gets to play football and build dumb tree houses while I sit here like a baby." He took a deep breath. "They won't even let me work on their stupid tree house!" He threw his crutches to the ground. I flinched as they hit the deck.

"Edward are you OK?" Aunt Janet and the boys all looked over to us. She frowned but didn't say anything else.

Edward just nodded and picked his crutches up off the floor.

The house phone began to ring, Aunt Janet quickly rose from her chair and hustled into the house.

"I think I'm going to go home." He announced and unsteadily stood up from the chair.

"You can't, mom isn't home yet."

"I'll be fine."

"You know the rules." Emmett raised his voice and stood up.

"I'm not a baby Emmett!" Edward all but shouted and began shakily moving towards the door.

I went to get up to help him but perhaps sensing my intent; he turned to me and shook his head. I nodded and settled back into my seat. "Thank you" he mouthed.

"Edward, Emmett that was your mom. She wants you two to head home."

Edward's shoulders visibly sagged. I understood. He was about to make a point to his brother, only to be foiled by his own mother.

"Well, it looks like mommy saved you again Einstein." I didn't understand the hostility in Emmett's voice. And why call Edward, Einstein?

Edward didn't say a word as he resumed his journey towards the door.

I decided that I'd had enough fresh air and followed Edward inside.

"Edward, do you want me to drive you home?" Aunt Janet asked as she began taking food out of the refrigerator.

"No ma'am I can walk."

Aunt Janet shut the fridge door. "Are you sure? It'll be a long walk on crutches."

"I can do it."

"OK." She turned and went back to her dinner preparations.

I followed silently behind him as he shuffled down the hall.

"You don't have to follow me. I'm not going to fall."

"I know, I was just looking for my back pack." I shrugged.

"Uh, huh." Edward snorted.

He could think what he wanted, I needed a pen so I could do a crossword or maybe get a start on next years taxes.

_LIES!_ I was totally following him so I could help if he needed it.

Edward opened the door; I moved to stand next to him in the doorway.

"See? No accidents." He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.

I smiled and looked down at my shoes.

"I'll see you tomorrow right?"

"Where else would I be?"

"Maybe we could play a game or something. Do you like chess?"

I'd never played chess. Charlie had tried to teach me when I was nine years old. But I could never get the hang of it. "Um, I like Monopoly."

"Great. I'll bring my Star Wars edition. I'll even let you be the Milenium Falcon." His eyes widened as he spoke.

"Ok. That sounds like fun."

'Cool. I'll see you then." Edward smiled and made his way out onto the front porch. I don't know why he thought he was so clumsy. He made going down stairs look easy. I would have ended up in a rose bush by now.

Just like last night Edward stopped at the end of the driveway and turned to wave goodbye to me. I smiled and waved back at my new friend as he disappeared down the street.

Friend, I had a new friend.

Yay Bella!

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><p><strong>AN I'll keep this short and sweet. Many thanks to all who have taken the time to let me know you're reading my little tale, to those who have put Reflections on alert. I would love to hear your thoughts when you have a chance **


	5. Chapter 5

**Big hugs and kisses to my beta, Mullet86. She takes time out of her busy life to help make my ramblings readable. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyers owns everything. But she graciously allows us to play with them. **

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><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 5**

"Hey, you cheated." I grabbed Edward's Luke Skywalker game piece and recounted his moves.

"Ha! You were supposed to land on Imperial Palace," I moved his game piece the proper number of squares. "Which I just happen to own. That'll be 600 space credits please." I held out my hand expectantly and couldn't help but smirk as he surveyed the board.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked snottily.

"Am I sure I own this very valuable and lucrative property or am I sure that you cheated so you wouldn't land on said property?" I tilted my head and narrowed my eyes playfully.

Edward's eyes not so playfully narrowed back at me.

"Because the answer to both questions is yes, I'm sure. Pay up sucker." I held out my palm in demand of payment.

Edward's eyes narrowed and his lips puckered as he surveyed his dwindling property cards and bank account. I couldn't help but smile. He'd already had to sell off most of his property but had managed to hold on to the Shield Generator and the Ewok Village on Endor. I coveted both because it would complete my ownership of 90% of the board.

"Awww, come on Bella. You know that's my last property that means anything." He folded his hands and begged.

"I guess you shouldn't have spent all your money putting up space ports on Tattooine"

I was ruthless when it came to board games, Monopoly being my favorite.

_Space Slum Lord, thy name is Bella Swan._

"This sucks. I'm going to go and get a drink while I think about my next move." Edward grabbed his empty glass and started to get up from the chaise where we had our game set up.

"You can think all you want my friend but you know…Hey!" Edward had 'accidentally' bumped the board with his knee, sending all of the game pieces, money and property cards toppling to the floor.

"Ooops." Edward smiled evilly as my space empire fell to the floor in a heap of plastic game pieces and paper cards.

"You jerk. You meant to do that." I accused.

"Did not. It was an unfortunate accident." He tried to defend his unscrupulous actions. "Besides, we both know that you were going to win anyways." He shrugged and leaned over to start picking up the mess.

I heaved myself out of the chair and began helping him put the game back together.

"Yeah, we both did know that didn't we?" I uncharacteristically giggled, nudging him with my shoulder.

Edward looked at me from his position on the floor and smirked. "Don't be a sore winner Swan."

After the afternoon on the deck where my lack of grace had showed its ugly head, Edward and I had spent almost every day of the past month together. When we weren't playing board games, we spent our time reading comic books, watching movies and making Jasper and Emmett's lives hell. On the days when Edward had to attend his dreaded dance lessons I would get cooking lessons from Aunt Janet. To date I'd successfully made coconut brownies, macaroni and cheese, baked lemon chicken and chili.

The guys graciously sampled my food and in the case of Emmett, demanded more.

For once, life for Isabella Swan was good.

"Hey, do you want to go down and see if they'll let us in the tree house?" Edward cocked his head towards the backyard.

I put the lid on the game box and peered down the yard to where Jasper and Emmett had set up their club house.

"Um, I don't know Edward. They never let us and we ask almost every day."

"I know, but maybe today is the day." He looked covetously towards the boy's lair.

I knew how badly he wanted up in that tree but the guys, despite being ordered by my aunt to include us, had yet to allow either one of us to join them. Besides I was still unsure about the stability of the tree house itself. I mean two barely teen boys built the dang thing. Could I really trust their skills in building a structure that would hold me? My size had never been an issue with Edward but then again it hadn't really come up. I knew that sooner or later it would, because it always did but I wasn't in a hurry for that to happen. Especially if he was hit with the revelation that I was not 'standard size' by me falling through the floor of that stupid tree house.

Wanting to avoid landing on my butt and having to flee to Alaska in embarrassment, I tried to change his mind. "How about we fill up some water balloons and ambush them?"

"Naw. They're already in the tree house. They have the upper hand." He waved his hand dismissively.

"Um, we could lure them down with chocolate chip cookies and then... _splat_!" I smacked my hands together.

Edward's forehead wrinkled in concentration as he pondered my suggestion. He and I both knew that Emmett couldn't turn down any kind of baked goods. "Are the cookies already made?"

"No." More wrinkles.

"Can you even bake chocolate chip cookies?" He eyed me warily.

"I haven't tried." Edward's lips hardened. "But Aunt Janet says that if I can read the recipe I can make it." I hastily added. I needed to keep him on board with my plan to stick with a ground attack.

"Bella, why don't you ever want to go up there? Are you afraid of heights?" Edward's eyes softened as he spoke. I wanted to say yes, and tell him that the only reason I wouldn't climb that rickety old ladder and stand on the floor that had been constructed from the remnants of a dilapidated garden shed was my fear of heights. But I couldn't. He'd been too good of a friend for me to lie to him. Instead I stood in silence and let him think what he wanted, hoping that he didn't come to the correct conclusion.

"It's ok." He said softly." My dad doesn't like heights either. He has to get Emmett up on the ladder to clean out the gutters." Edward smiled encouragingly. "We can stay down here and find something to do instead." He got up and patted me on the shoulder has he walked into the house to refill his glass.

I watched my friend walk away and let out the breath I hadn't been aware I was holding in. How like Edward to try and make me feel better about a fear I didn't have.

I hated that I was holding him back. I hated that he would play another game of Monopoly or maybe a rousing hand of Cribbage with me instead of climbing that ladder and spending the day above the ground in 13 year old boy heaven. A wondrous place where belching out loud, scratching ones privates and spitting is encouraged. A place where the comic books always have crisp covers and the junk food is free flowing. I hung my head and willed the tears to not spill out as I worried about losing the first friend I'd had in a long time.

I was jolted out of my funk by the appearance of a frosty glass of lemonade swinging in front of my face. I reached out to get it only to have it pulled away.

"Nah, uh, uh, what's the magic word?" He teased.

"Um, please?" Edward grinned and shook his head no. My fun friend was back.

I playfully tapped my lips as I played his game. "Pretty please?"

"Nope. Try again." He took a big swig of his drink and had the audacity to smile as he wiped drops of the sweet liquid off his lips.

"Come on Edward, just give me the drink." I pretended to be angry. But the half smirk/half smile on his face let me know that he wasn't buying it. "Just tell me what you want me to say." I playfully huffed.

"Say, 'Edward Anthony Cullen is the best Monopoly player on Earth and Bella,' um, what's your middle name?"

"Forget it Edward. No lemonade is worth uttering that filthy lie. Besides, lying is a sin. And I plan to go to heaven."

He laughed. "Hmm, well that's too bad because I also brought two," He reached into his pocket and extracted two cookies. "freshly baked oatmeal raisin cookies." I licked my lips as the smell of cinnamon filled my senses. He smirked and took a giant bite out of one of the cookies.

"Mmmmm, sooo good." I watched in fascination as crumbs fell from his mouth. Apparently Emmett wasn't the only person with a weakness for baked goods.

"." I got it out all in one breath and lunged for the cookie. Edward's eyes narrowed but he relinquished the raisin filled disc of goodness. I started shoving it in my mouth before he figured out what I'd actually said. It didn't take long before I could see the wheels of understanding start to turn.

"Your middle name is Marie?"

June disappeared in a haze of board games, movie marathons and more thwarted attempts at breaking into 'Fort Knox'. Edward and I discovered we shared a penchant for animated movies one afternoon as Jasper was flipping through the channels. The movie 'Shrek' appeared and to my amazement, Edward parroted back the scene dialogue to the green ogre. I took up where he left off and the next day Edward showed up with a backpack full of animated films as well as other classics like, 'The Great Muppet Caper' and 'The Goonies'. We'd even celebrated Edward's thirteenth birthday holed up in the basement watching cheesy movies and eating salty snacks. Jasper and Emmett generally left us alone as they much preferred to hang out in the tree house than watch 'children's movies' with Edward and me.

But every once in awhile the weather would drive them indoors and we'd find our movie haven invaded.

"Watcha watching children?" Emmett's booming voice filled the dark room.

"Cut it out Em." Edward jerked his head away as Emmett ruffled his hair like one would a puppy.

Jasper plopped himself next to me and immediately stuck his hand in my popcorn bowl. "Ooh look Em, they're watching 'The Pretty Princess'." I scowled as half chewed popcorn pieces fell out of his mouth to land in his lap. Glaring, I scooted farther down on the couch to save my snack from further invasion.

"It's The Princess Bride not Pretty Princess." I angrily retorted as I fended off another attempt from my cousin the popcorn thief.

"Whatever. It has a pretty princess who pines over her pretty prince while wearing a pretty dress and having pretty flowers woven into her pretty hair." Emmett scoffed dismissively while stuffing his mouth with some of his brother's popcorn.

Edward angrily got up from his bean bag chair on the floor to sit beside me on the coach. I guess he figured safety in numbers when protecting ones salty snacks.

"Oh look Em, the pretty princess has been kidnapped."

"I bet her prince will save her. Yep there he is." Emmett's meaty paw pointed to the screen which depicted the Dread Pirate Robert's ship steadily gaining on the rogues who'd taken Princess Buttercup. "Jeez, that wasn't predictable at all." Emmett snorted and rolled his eyes.

"If you're going to make fun, leave!" Edward's green eyes glowed as he yelled at his annoying brother.

"Chill little bro, don't get your bloomers in a twist." Jasper laughed as Emmett dug in and got comfortable in Edwards vacated chair.

I could feel Edward's discomfort radiate off of him in waves as he sat stiffly beside me on the couch. He was embarrassed to be caught watching a 'girly' movie even though he'd been the one to choose this particular film. All summer he'd tried to gain entrance into Jasper and Emmett's club. And all summer he'd been denied. It was selfish, but Edward was the best friend I'd ever had and I'd been secretly delighted that he hadn't been allowed into the tree house because it meant he had to stay on the ground with me. Even though it was their fault he had no choice but to hang out with me, they still took great delight in making fun of him for spending his free time with a girl. The continued forced ballet lessons only made matters worse.

"Holy shit! Look at that giant climb the rope." Emmett leaned forward as the Andre the Giant's character climbed the cliff with three other characters clinging to his back.

"Wow. I bet you could do that Em." Jasper leaned forward as the scene continued.

"Yeah, I bet I could too." _Boys._

Suddenly, both boy's attentions were riveted to the screen as two of the characters began sword fighting. I turned to look at Edward. He shrugged and relaxed back into the cushions.

In the end Jasper and Emmett finished watching the movie with us, even forcing Edward to pause it so they wouldn't miss the fire swamp scene when they went to go make their own popcorn.

In true boy fashion, Em did attempt to climb the tree house rope with Jasper and Edward strapped to his back. But much to the boy's dismay, especially Edward's as it was the closest he'd gotten to the Promised Land all summer, Aunt Janet caught them and ended their attempt before Emmett had gotten more than a foot off the ground.

July brought warmer days and plenty of sunshine, the swimming pool that had sat unused since I'd arrived, was now filled with warm water and a brightly colored assortment of water toys.

I'd gotten lucky and was able to avoid my aunt's 4th of July barbeque by getting my period. I'd never been so happy to have cramps. Even though it was the third day and I wasn't in that much pain, I wasn't above using my monthly ailment to my advantage. Aunt Janet was sympathetic to my plight and made sure I had plenty of Midol, chocolate and a pile of magazines to keep me entertained while she hosted in the backyard.

Aunt Janet was completely in her element playing hostess to the hordes of neighborhood kids. She kept the lemonade and treats flowing like a river as her backyard was invaded by bathing suit clad teens and their parents.

I didn't know how I was going to explain to Edward why I wasn't going to throw on a suit and join him in the pool. He'd been counting the days until it was warm enough to swim. He said it was the one place where his skills outshone his brother's. Apparently, Emmett was still a bit of a baby when it came to getting his face wet. Like a coward, I chosen to hide out in my bedroom rather than having the, 'I'm fat so I don't wear bathing suits' conversation.

I'd thought I was pretty smart in my avoidance plan. But apparently, I was not smart enough. By mid afternoon Charlie came looking for me.

"Your aunt says you're sick." His statement came from the safety of the doorway of my 'Whitlock bedroom'.

"Yeah, I don't feel good." I confirmed simply while leafing through a recent copy of Vanity Fair. This particular edition had a guy in a black Amish hat holding an alligator on his shoulders. I'd heard Aunt Janet talking about him to Edward's mom, Esme. Apparently this guy was, "Sexy as hell." I don't know how sexy he was with a dinosaur laying across his back and a dumb hat on his head. But what did I know about sexy?

I'd hoped by keeping my explanation for my absence simple I would avoid any further conversation. But unfortunately, Charlie had a status in the community that called for a visiting long lost daughter to make an appearance at the bequest of said community.

"You don't look sick to me." He ventured into the room one step looking around at the beautiful room my aunt had given me. "Lauren and Tanya have been asking about you." I rolled my eyes. I'd hoped they'd forgotten about me. But evidently the chance to embarrass a fat girl at a pool party could simply not be passed up.

"Well, I am sick." I rolled over to my side and clutched my stomach for affect.

"Bella, it won't hurt you to come down and say hello. They're nice girls from important families."

I heard him take another step into the room. I pulled my knees up tighter and threw in a moan for good measure. Apparently the moan was rather unconvincing. An actress I am not.

"Get up Bella. Put on your swimming suit and come downstairs. Now!"

"No." I guess a bloated and cramping Bella was a lot more forceful than the regular one.

Charlie moved around to the side of the bed. He stared down at me with his 'I'm the Chief of Police and you will respect my authority' face. "That's enough Bella. I'm your father and you'll do as I say. Unless you're bleeding you can get up and go say hello to those girls and their parents."

_Bingo! Charlie had handed me the key to ending this conversation._

"Fine, I'll go. But I need to change my pad first." I moved to awkwardly to crawl out of my comfy haven. Charlie took a step back as the pieces began to fall into place.

"Pad?" His voice quivered as he spoke the word.

"Yeah Charlie, you know the kind that girls wear when they have their periods. There's a box behind you. Hand me one and we'll be on our way." Oh crampy Bella had some fight in her.

His eyes got wide and I swear that under that dark moustache his skin paled three shades. Who would have thought that all it took was the prospect of touching a sanitary pad would bring the big bad policeman to his knees. Lord help the people of Forks if a band of menstruating woman ever decided to bump off the diner.

For every step forward I took, Charlie retreated five, until he was again standing in the safety of the doorway.

"No, no, you go ahead and ah, lie down." His hands were up like he was trying to ward off an attack. "Do you um, ah, need anything?"

I tried not to smile as I turned around and settled myself back into bed. "I could use another glass of iced tea a heating pad and um, maybe a piece of that chocolate cake I saw in the kitchen."

"Ok, I'll um get your aunt. Just stay there." He turned and practically ran from the room. I'm surprised he didn't put up some of that crime tape stuff across the door to warn the public from wandering into the contaminated room.

I'd just gotten myself all situated back on the bed after Charlie's hasty departure when Edward appeared with a tray laden with glasses of iced tea and two big pieces of chocolate cake. I hadn't seen him yet today, instead choosing to hide out in my room. He was dressed appropriately for a summer pool party; brightly colored swim trunks, tank top and flip flops. Unlike Charlie, he breezed easily into the room.

"Hi. I brought treats." He held up the tray and moved towards the bed. I didn't have a chance to acknowledge his greeting before the weight of the tray pulled Edward forward and I had to lunge to steady him and save my beautiful comforter from becoming stained with chocolate frosting and raspberry tea.

"Oops, that was almost bad." He smiled sheepishly as he settled the tray on the bed. I chuckled as my friend began to dole out his treasures like a six year old girl hosting a tea party. I dutifully took my drink and cake from him as he got himself settled next to me on the bed.

He immediately began eating his cake, so I followed suit.

We sat in companionable silence for several minutes as we snacked.

"I like purple too." He waved his fork around indicating to the curtains, rugs and comforter. "Even though Emmett says it's a girly color." He sneered the last comment.

I thought for a moment about what I could say to make him forget Emmett's remark.

"That came from the boy who wanted to be a professional ballerina?" He nodded and smirked.

"Emmett is a girl." I snorted juvenilely.

"Yeah, he is isn't he? At least I don't want to take those stupid dance lessons." Edward laughed and went back to eating.

"And you don't wear pink tights either."

"You got that right. Mom got away with that once." He held up his fork to punctuate his point. A glob of frosting landed on his hand, I laughed as he unceremoniously licked it off.

We giggled over the visual of Emmett in his pink tights as we finished off our cake.

Edward took my plate and stacked it with his on the bedside table. I grabbed my iced tea to even out the taste of the sweet cake.

"Miss Janet says that you're not feeling good. What's wrong?" My glass stopped halfway to my mouth. What do I say? How do I tell my friend that's a boy that I got my period? Would he even know what a period was? I grimaced as my mind raced to find an acceptable way to explain my ailment to a thirteen year old boy without causing myself enough embarrassment to necessitate hiding in my closet for the next five weeks.

I grimaced as tiny drops of sweat trickled down my nose at the thought of explaining the complexities of the female body. Edward mistook my scowl for pain.

"If you feel that bad, maybe I should go." He leaned forward to get off the bed. I grabbed his arm to stop him.

"No. Please don't go." I pleaded. My response surprised me. I didn't usually mind being alone but after a month of having a friend, I found that I quite enjoyed having a companion.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure." I nodded enthusiastically.

"Ok." He leaned back against the head board and spent several minutes wiggling his shoulders and hips around trying to get comfortable. The whole bed jostled with his antics. He looked like a puppy trying to get comfortable for a nap. Finally, I couldn't stand it; I set my glass down and grabbed his shoulders, halting his movements.

"Stop. You're driving me crazy." I laughed as he cocked his head to the side. I half expected him to begin wagging his tail.

"What? You have a lot of pillows." He smirked and jostled the bed again, reaching behind him and tossing several of the decorative pillows to the floor. I watched as my pretty things landed unceremoniously to the floor.

"You could have gently moved them to the bottom of the bed." I pointed out.

He shrugged and leaned back against the headboard. We sat in silence as the sounds of the backyard party drifted into the room through the open window. I couldn't identify which girls were doing the screaming but I could definitely recognize Emmett's booming voice as he presumably chased the girls around the pool.

Edward nodded slowly as he looked around the room. Aunt Janet had said I could decorate the room any way I wanted but so far I hadn't gotten around to doing much more than moving over my favorite books and the afghan that Grandma Swan had made for me when I was a baby, from Charlie's. I'd ended up spending most of my time in the comfortable and inviting atmosphere of my aunt's house over the awkwardness and sparseness of my father's bachelor pad.

"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong with you? I mean, I'm taking a pretty big risk being here breathing the same air."

"How do you figure that?"

"Well, if you're up here hiding and not downstairs joining in on all of the fun, you must be really sick. I could catch it and the next think I know, I have boils on my butt that have to be lanced or something. Emmett would never let me live that kind of thing down."

"I don't have boils on my butt Edward." What I had was a butt that was to big to fit into a pair of shorts and a deep need to keep as much of my pasty white skin covered as possible. "It isn't like that."

His eyes darkened just a little bit as he leaned a little closer to me. "Whatever it is you can tell me."

I'd only known Edward for a few weeks and even though those had been the best weeks of my life, could I trust him to not hurt me? Would he understand? Would he be able to not give into the temptation of teasing me? My past experiences made me think, 'No'.

But then again Edward was different.

"Your eyes are narrowed. That means you're thinking really hard about something." His observation surprised me. "What is it Bella?"

"You won't understand Edward." I lowered my eyes and began rubbing the satin edging of my blanket. It was a calming technique I'd used since I was little. Feeling the satin move smoothly between my fingers soothed me and gave me something else to concentrate on besides the real reason I wouldn't accompany Edward to the pool.

I heard him sigh and out of my periphery vision, I could see him run his hand through his hair making the ends stand up in the typical disarray I'd become accustomed to seeing since meeting him. Evidently one of the side effects of chlorine was that it acted like hair gel, because that boy's hair was all kinds of stiff.

I looked up and was greeted with the warm green eyes of the boy who I called my friend. He smiled softly. "Try me."

Every bone in my body told me to tell him it was cramps. That wasn't a lie. He'd get embarrassed like Charlie did and that would be the end of it. _Right?_

Deep down I knew it would only be a brief reprieve, I knew that eventually the truth would rear its fat head.

Before I knew what was happening, I opened my mouth and the words just came out.

"I can't Edward. I can't go out there with all of those other girls dressed in their swim suits." My chin lowered as I willed myself to stay calm. Knowing that once he figured it out he wouldn't want to be my friend. He'd be just like all of the other kids who caved to peer pressure and dropped me once they realized I was different.

"Why."

_Seriously?_ I knew that my weight hadn't been a topic we discussed in between rousing games of Dominoes or squirt gun fights with Jasper and Emmett, but surely he'd noticed I wasn't like other girls.

The elephant in the room was not easy to miss.

"You know." I gestured to my body. I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Bella, I don't understand." He sounded frustrated. Join the club buddy.

Frustrated at his refusal to understand, I decided to put us both out of our miseries, "I'm fat Edward. You know hefty, large, big…I'm not like the other girls. I'm ugly." I threw in an exaggerated sigh and flopped down on the bed, pulling a pillow over my head to hide the tears that I knew would come.

My actions caused the bed to jostle and I felt Edward fight to keep from being thrown to the floor from the waves I'd created due to my flopping.

A couple minutes passed as he resumed his position on the bed. I laid there with the pillow covering my face, hiding my humiliation from my friend. Or should I say, 'soon to be old friend'?

I gripped the pillow harder when I felt him try to lift it from my face. We played tug a war for several seconds before he finally gave up and allowed the pillow to continue softly smothering me.

I heard him take a breath and then let out slowly, like he was processing the punch line to a riddle. "What does your size have to do with coming downstairs and having fun?"

_Was this kid for real?_

"I really don't understand the problem." He sounded sincere, but then I'd been fooled before. "Everyone is made different, it doesn't matter." I huffed at his words and cling to the pillow tighter.

"Bella look at me." He waited only a few seconds before another game of pillow tug of war ensued. We struggled until he was finally victorious. I closed my eyes tightly as he peered down at me.

"Bella, don't be stupid." He tugged at my eye lid, forcing it open.

"Stop Edward!" I squealed and slapped his hand away from my exposed eye ball.

"That was mean." He laughed at me as I rubbed my poor eye.

Edward's face became serious. "Bella. Talk to me."

I lowered my head and allowed my hair to hide my face. "I don't want to talk about it Edward."

I pulled back as Edward thrust his arm in my face. "What the heck Edward?"

"Emmett calls my arms 'chicken wings'."

"What?" I looked into his solemn face.

He moved his arm back onto his side, "Look at my legs." He straightens both of his legs out in from of us.

"Edward, what are you…"

"Look Bella, look at my skinny, white chicken legs." I opened my mouth to speak but Edward held his hand up to stop me. "No, you had your chance." He lifts up his shirt to reveal his pale white chest. He was so thin you could see his ribs prominently through his pale skin. "I'm not as strong as Emmett or as fast. I can barely carry one bag of groceries in from the car. He can carry three or four." He lets his shirt fall back down shakes his head. "Emmett has grown over a foot since last Christmas and I'm the same size I was when I was ten years old. He calls me, 'mini E'."

I put my hand on his arm and rub it reassuringly. Edward looked right at me and brushed off my touch, I would feel slighted if it wasn't for the hurt in his eyes. He was baring his soul but I didn't know why. I could only listen as he continued.

"I can't throw a baseball as far as he can or slam dunk a basketball. I can't even do a simple twirl in the driveway without falling and nearly breaking my leg." He stopped and took a deep breath, "Emmett was a dance prodigy and I still struggle to get fifth position correct after three years of lessons."

I wanted to cry for my friend. He sounded so sad and discouraged.

"I always get picked last to play on every team in school because I'm slow and clumsy." He lowered his head but I heard the hurt in his voice loud and clear. "Em and Japser won't let me in their stupid tree house. I can't even sneak in because I'm too much of a weakling to climb the stupid rope."

"I'm no good at anything." I watched silently as his shoulders slumped forward in what seemed like defeat. He put his hands up to cover his eyes.

I couldn't listen to him anymore. I wouldn't let Edward continue to put himself down like that. I threw off the pity party hat I'd been wearing. I had a friend who needed building back up.

"Edward, none of that matters. You're good at lots of things." I reached over and tried to move his hands from his face, but he pulled away and turned his back to me, continuing to hide.

My hands balled into fists so tight my fingertips turned bright white. I wanted to beat Emmett and the mean kids at Edward's school to a pulp for making my friend feel so small and insignificant. I struggled to find some way for him to see how wonderful he is and how little any of that other stuff meant to me.

I hadn't known him for very long, so I had to stick with what I'd learned so far.

"You're great at Monopoly." I blurted out.

"Yeah, great at losing." He snorted behind his hands.

"You don't lose all of the time." I offered. Edward turned back towards me with a cocked eyebrow. "Sometimes you almost win." I shrugged and smiled weakly hoping he'd find some solace in that. Unfortunately he didn't. Edward glared at me but at least he didn't turn away again. That was a good sign right? I quickly continued my efforts. "You have fantastic taste in movies and you rarely miss your target with a water balloon." His lip turned up at one corner in a half smile. No doubt remembering the defeat his brother and my cousin suffered at our hands only days before.

"That was pretty sweet." He admitted grudgingly.

"You're very brave."

"How so?" He'd turned completely around to face me. He leaned over the bed and grabbed a few of the pillows he'd hastily tossed to the floor earlier and tucked them behind his back.

"Well, you're always first in line to try my cooking."

"That's only because I'm already there. Otherwise, Emmett would always be at the front of the line." He wasn't lying there. Emmett was what Charlie referred to as a 'chow hound'.

"What else?" Edward moved to his side and leaned on his elbow as he prodded me for more examples of his bravery.

"Um," Come on Bella think. I tapped my thumb nervously against my thigh trying to come up with something that described his bravery. Edward smiled, "Got yourself into a hole with that one didn't you?" He gestured towards my twitching appendage.

He smiled. I'd put a smile on my friend's face. I wanted to high five myself and do a congratulatory lap but I still owed Edward a description of his bravery.

Suddenly it hit me. It was so obvious. "You befriended the fat girl." I was proud of myself for not allowing my voice to falter as I basically outed myself as a charity case. But I'd already taken my 'pity Bella' hat off, this was for Edward.

"Is that how you see yourself?" He was using his serious Edward voice. I shrugged and raised my eyes to him slowly. He looked hurt and upset. I looked back down onto my lap. I knew that I would ruin things eventually.

"Bella, is that why you don't want to join the party?" I couldn't trust myself to look at him.

I heard his exaggerated sigh at my silence and could imagine that he was doing the patented Edward move of pinching the bridge of his nose and squinting his eyes. I couldn't bear to look and see the understanding of what I really was on his face.

I felt the pressure of tears begin to form in my eyes. My hope was that Edward would take pity on me and leave me in my misery.

"Bella look at me." I guessed that hope was shot. I kept my eyes averted from him.

"Fine. Just listen to me then." I pulled the pillow closer to my chest.

"You just spent the last ten minutes trying to make me see that I'm not the weakling little boy I think I am. But you still think there's nothing to you except that you're a big girl? That's just wrong Bella."

His words hit home, "you're a big girl". Finally he understood. "I understand if you don't want to be my friend Edward." I sniffled out the last two words.

"For the love of Pete, Bella listen to me." I'd never heard him be so forceful before. I was actually a bit intimidated. "I don't care what you look like. It's never mattered to me. I care that you play Star Wars Monopoly with me and don't think I'm a dork for always wanting to be Luke Skywalker. I like that you watch The Princess Bride and don't make me feel like a girl for knowing all of the words. I love that you make me chocolate coconut brownies on Wednesdays, even though you don't like coconut because you understand how much I hate ballet but know that the brownies cheer me up. I like you because you _chose_ to be my friend. No one made you play with Emmett's freak little brother." I turned over to look at him, he was red faced and breathing heavily as his words spilled out. I sat up and put my hand on his leg. His last sentence disturbed me, why would anyone not want to be his friend?

"Edward, why would anyone call you a freak?"

"Really Bella?" He looked at me as if I'd gained 500lbs and had Princess Leia on leash. I don't think his eyes could have bulged out much more. "Are you serious? That's all you heard?" I'm sure that I should've taken a moment to go back over what he said in my head, but instead I just stared blankly.

He got off the bed and began pacing back and forth at the bottom of the bed. He'd alternate pulling at his hair with pinching his nose. Back and forth, back and forth, I swear his pacing was going to give me whiplash. When the room finally started to spin, I asked him to stop.

With an exasperated sigh, he stopped his pacing and looked me dead in the eye. He was frowning; I could see that he was angry. His eyes were usually a soothing green but when he was angry, they turned a bright unnatural color of green. I'd only been unfortunate enough to see him like this the few times he was really mad at his brother. Even Emmett knew better than to mess with Edward once his eyes 'Hulked out'.

Unconsciously I retreated farther from him on the bed. My body's fight or flight response was fully alert as Edward glared at me. Even though I'd never been on the receiving end of one of his fits, those were reserved for Emmett. I sat perfectly still, not wanting to unlash the fury of Edward.

Finally, his eyes went back to their usual color. The moment had passed but I still clung tightly to my pillow shield. "Bella, have I ever given you any reason to think that your size means anything to me?" His voice was serious.

"No" I answered truthfully before my brain could talk me out of it.

"Then why would you think it mattered now?" He moved to sit on the end of the bed by my feet.

"I don't know." It was the truth. I never knew why people had such a problem with my size. I only knew that they did. Babies weren't born with prejudices. That kind of behavior was passed down. And I'd seen generations afflicted with the disease.

"Yes you do." He was half right. I knew why today my weight was more of an issue, but I didn't want to admit it to him. The voices from the backyard party had been wafting in through my open bedroom window as unwelcomed back ground noise, but at that instant the very clear voices of Tanya and Lauren could be heard above the rest of the guests. They must have been sitting up on the deck. My window was directly above the little chaise lounge set Edward and I used for our Monopoly tournaments.

"I bet she won't come down." Lauren's nasally voice floated through the window.

"Would you if you looked like that?" Tanya asked.

"Hell no."

"I'd climb into a cave and die before hauling my fat butt out here in a bathing suit. I mean, do they even make suits that big?"

"Sure they do. They're called tents." Both girls erupted into evil laughter.

I wanted to crawl under the bed and never come out, sure that their words would make Edward see the mistake he'd made by befriending me. I chanced one more glance at my friend before I was sure he'd run screaming from the room never to return. Edward's face was pale and his fists were shaking. He turned to me, his eyes blazing. "Those girls", he stopped and took a deep breath, "they're the reason you won't come down. Their hateful words have you stuck up here in your room all by yourself." He was speaking to me but not asking any questions so I just sat silently while he put the pieces together.

"Bella, their opinions mean nothing to me. Nothing." I opened my mouth to speak but Edward held up a hand to stop me. "And they should mean nothing to you either."

"Edward, you don't understand…"

"Stop! We've just gone through this. If you want to be my friend then you have to start believing me when I tell you something." He got up from the bed and walked towards the door. I was confused; didn't he just tell me their words meant nothing? Why was he leaving me?

"I'm going downstairs. If you want to believe your friend then come down with me. But if you would rather hide from a couple of loser girls that mean nothing to either of us, then stay up here by yourself. It's your choice." He squared his shoulders and walked out.

All my life I'd longed for a friend like Edward and all I'd ever gotten were snide remarks and attitude from girls like Tanya and Lauren. I'd allowed their opinions to keep me locked away and hidden where I'd be sure to never find a friend.

Edward was right. It was my choice.

It took everything I had but I climbed out of bed and ran down the stairs, hoping to catch Edward before he walked away for good.

I turned to go towards the deck when I heard my name being called from the front porch. I opened the door to find Edward sitting on the porch swing. He smiled and motioned me to sit with him. With a deep breath I walked over and sat down, trying not to grimace when the springs groaned at accepting my weight.

"Thank you." I said quietly as we swung.

"You're welcome."

Minutes passed without either of us spoke again. The celebratory noises from the party were muffled but still audible though neither of us made any moves to join in. We sat there until it got dark, only moving off the swing to sit in the front yard as the fireworks started. Side by side we sat as bursts of bright light illuminated the black sky.

With his face pointed towards the red starburst Edward broke our silence, "I'm a genius."

"What?" I turned towards him and watched as the colors lit up his face.

"I scored a 163 on an IQ test when I was in fourth grade. I skipped fifth and was put in Jasper and Emmett's class." He spoke softly almost as if he was embarrassed to admit to being smart. I didn't know what to say. I'd wondered why someone almost a whole year younger than me was in the same class but it never mattered to our friendship so I didn't question it further.

"It's not normal for a kid to score higher than his teachers and be moved into the same class as his older brother. They wanted to move me another grade higher but I begged mom and dad not to do it. I even went on a hunger strike." I tried to hold in a chuckle trying to imagine Edward turning down food. You couldn't tell from looking at him, but he ate nearly as much as Emmett.

"It lasted one day." He smiled when my chuckle became a full laugh.

I got my laughter under control and went back to watching the best fireworks Forks, WA could offer. As we sat there amongst the explosions and vivid colors, I let the impact of what he'd said wash over me in gentle waves. Edward thought of himself as a freak, a weakling, a clumsy little kid when in reality he was none of those things. He was smart, or I guess now I knew he was really, really smart, but he was also one of the most sincere people I'd ever met, next to Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark. I'd never considered him as anything but just Edward. But the world saw him differently and he worked everyday to move past those people to get to the ones who accepted and loved him.

I'd been a fool to think that someone as wonderful as Edward would ever think of me the same way snotty girls like Tanya and Lauren did. And I was beginning to think, thanks to Aunt Janet, that my mother was wrong to treat me like she does too.

"Bella look!" Edward roused me from my thoughts with an elbow to the ribs and pointed to the sky as a magnificent explosion of purple, green, red, gold and blue lit up the area in giant star shapes. "Who knew that something so amazing and beautiful would come out of a plain paper casing filled with gunpowder and other flammable stuff?" He asked while still fixated on the display, the brilliant colors reflected on his skin as they danced across the night sky.

I watched my friend as his face filled with amazement and delight at the spectacle. He was right amazing things often came from plain packages that would be easy to dismiss.

My best friend was one of those 'things' and my heart filled with happiness thinking that just maybe he thought that I was one of those 'things' too.

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><p><strong> My beta thinks it's the best chapter yet. What do you think? <strong>

**The lovely Miss Rebecca Leonard made me a beautiful banner for Reflections. I'm working on getting a tumble page up so I can show off her beautiful work. I'll link it on the the next chapter and my profile as soon as it's up. Thank you Rebecca, it's perfect! **


	6. Chapter 6

Many, many thanks to Rebecca Leonard for making me a banner for Reflections. Still working on a tumblr page to display Rebecca's talents.

My beta Mullet86 was kind enough get this back to me before she left on vacation. I added some things afterwards so you might find a couple errors. Those are all mine. Sorry.

Thank you, thank you to everyone that have reviewed. I was trying to respond to everyone and it was eating up a lot of my writing time. I thought you would be happier if I just sat down and wrote. Please know that I read and appreciate each and every one. They really do make my day and give me the push to keep writing. Keep em' coming!

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><p>Reflections<p>

Chapter 6

The end of summer came swiftly and with the sunset of everyday, I could feel the weight of my impending return to Phoenix and my mother sit heavier on my shoulders. Luckily my days were continually filled with fun and sunshine in the form of my best friend Edward. After our talk on the 4th of July, I now referred to him as such with no hesitation.

I'd always dreamed of having a best friend, someone to share my deepest secrets and desires with. A friend that would make me feel better about myself when none of the clothes my mother had just purchased for me fit. A friend that would eat fudgie brownies with me in my room while talking nonsense and not give me that 'look' when more of my brownie ended up on the front of my shirt than in my mouth.

I finally had that friend.

Sure he rolled his eyes when I wanted to talk about how cute I thought the actor was from the vampire movie my aunt took us to last week. And he complained for hours after he fell asleep by the pool where I _may_ have put a few barrettes in his hair and applied a _very_ light coat of pink polish on only a _couple_ of toenails. But he was also the guy who gave the evil eye to Lauren and Tanya when they made a snide comment about the tight fit of my jeans when we stopped at JT's Sweet Stuffs to buy ice cream after our bike ride.

He was also the guy who was still relentlessly trying to get me up into that darn tree house.

"Please. Please. Please Bella. They won't be gone forever. We have to take our shot now."

"Edward, if they catch you up there…"

"Us. If they catch us," He clarified. "I have a much better chance of living through being caught if there's a witness." The tree house issue was still a thorn in my side. Edward had assured me that it was stable by pointing out that if Emmett hadn't fallen through the floor there was no way it would be a problem for me. After Uncle Mark and Dr. Cullen had spent an entire weekend shoring up the tree house's structural integrity, I felt slightly more secure that I wouldn't plummet through the floor to end up broken at the base of the big tree. But the question of how I was going to haul myself up that rope ladder was still unanswered.

"Please. I just want a quick look around." He flashed me what Aunt Janet referred to as 'puppy dog eyes'. I tried not to laugh when he pouted his lips together in such a way that they resembled a duck's bill.

"Dude, what's wrong with your face?" I giggled and poked him in his bottom lip

He pulled away. "Quit it." He demanded.

"What the heck is this?" I mimicked his pout.

"I don't know," He rolled his eyes. "It always works on my mom. Dad uses it whenever he's late for dinner and doesn't call. She gets this weird look on her face and stops yelling at him."

"Well, it looks weird." He just shrugged.

"Whatever. Can we drop it and get up there?" Edward moved to the ladder and placed his foot on the first rung.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, deep in thought.

"Now who's pulling faces?"

I opened my eyes to see a nearly hysterical Edward crunching his nose and eyes tightly while biting his bottom lip.

"You look like you need to use the bathroom." He was bent over with his mirth.

"Shut it duck boy." I moved around him and grabbed the rope ladder, knocking his foot off the rung and replacing it with my own.

"Seriously?" His eyes danced with excitement.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Why not?"

"Sweet! I'll hold it steady for you. " He exclaimed, grabbing the rope with both hands.

"Um, on second thought why don't you go first?" The thought of Edward having to watch my butt struggle up the ladder had taken a first row seat in my brain. I'd grown comfortable with him over the last couple of weeks, but nothing would make me that comfortable.

"OK." I moved so Edward could take the lead.

The ladder moved erratically as he began climbing.

"Hold it still Bella." I reached out and grabbed the ladder, halting its movement. Edward quickly scaled the ladder up to the tree house. I waited patiently as Edward entered the 'forbidden zone'.

I used my hand to shield my eyes from the sun and looked up at the tree.

"Edward!" I yelled. "What's going on up there?"

His fuzzy head leaned over the edge of the tree. "Geez Bella, why don't you announce it to everyone that I'm up here?" I snorted at the drama queen's statement. We were the only people home; there was no one to announce it to.

"Drama much Edward?"

"Just climb the rope Swan."

"Hold it still Edward!" My arms started to burn with the exertion of holding on.

Edward grabbed the rope to hold it steady. I put my foot on the bottom rung and put my weight on it. The ladder swung widely to the left. My arms felt like jello as I tried to climb. I made it to the second rung, the ladder started to swing in a small circle. I clutched the rope tightly.

My head started to hurt as the world spun around me.

I jumped off.

"Why did you jump off?"

My head hung low and my heart beat a mile a minute as I tried to stop the world from spinning. Fat girls don't do dizzy well.

"Bella!" I heard Edward calling me but I ignored him. I needed to figure out how I was going to get out of climbing that stupid ladder.

"Bella, c'mon we're running out of time."

"Just do it without me." I squinted up at him.

"No. You can do this. I'll hold the ladder steady." He grabbed the ladder and stopped it from swaying. "Please, Bella, I really want you to do this with me. Please." I could hear a slight whine in his voice but more than anything I could hear another meaning behind his plea. I'd been around Edward long enough to know when he was scared. He did a pretty good job of hiding it from everyone else, but I could hear it.

"Please."

I sighed and put my foot on the ladder, it started to do that spinney thing again, I held on tighter and willed it to stop.

I felt the ladder jerk once and then stop.

"I got it Bella."

Looking straight ahead, I began climbing. Edward yelled encouragingly as I slowly moved upwards.

"You got this Bella."

"One rung at a time."

"Slow and steady wins the race." I had to chuckle to myself. How many times had I heard my aunt use that expression? He was trying to be supportive. It was kinda cute.

"Just don't look down."

"For god sakes Edward, I'm only four feet off the ground." I snorted and put all of my concentration into climbing up the ladder without either falling to my death or throwing up my lunch.

"Hi!" Edward's smiling face was suddenly right in front of me. His distractions had actually worked. I'd made it to the top and didn't even notice it.

"You made it Bella." I smiled at his obvious excitement over my accomplishment.

He held out his hand to help me climb into the tree house.

"Uff." We fell backwards onto the floor. I was paralyzed with fear as I lay on top of my best friend. His eyes were wide with shock as my weight crushed him.

"Um, B, can you get off of me? I, I can't breath." He gasped.

His words stunned me into action and I quickly rolled off of him. Waves of embarrassment rolled over me. I covered my eyes with my arm. Why can't I just have one day where my weight didn't cause me embarrassment?

From underneath my arm I could hear Edward move up from off the floor. I continued to lie on the floor like a slug, wishing that the floor would open up so I could fall through it and disappear.

I could hear more shuffling around the tree house. Edward hadn't said a word about me nearly crushing him, the excitement over being up here must be overriding the fact that I nearly killed him because I can't push away from a buffet table.

Suddenly, my arm was pushed off my face and Edward's appeared. He looked at me upside down. He had a huge smile on his face and a Playboy magazine in his hand.

"Look what I found!" He waved the magazine in front of my face so fast that I had to actually close my eyes to keep from becoming dizzy for the second time today.

"Edward, stop." I reached up and halted his movement. He quickly moved back clutching his treasure.

"I finally have it." He exclaimed excitedly and moved to sit on the floor, clutching the magazine like it was the Holy Grail.

I carefully rolled to my side and awkwardly moved to my knees. Edward looked up at me, his eyes shining with excitement. Was he excited at the chance to get to see naked boobs?

"What do you finally have?"

His smile got impossibly bigger and took on an evil sneer. I was almost scared to find out the answer.

He leaned closer, his eyes shifting back and forth as if he was afraid someone was going to sneak up on us. It was really creepy.

'Edward, tell me what you mean."

"I have it Bella," He held Miss January in front of my face." I finally have something on Emmett." He grinned proudly and hugged the big boobied mag to his chest.

Ahhhh, now I understood. In Edward's hot little hands were the means to finally have a little leverage over his older brother.

"Do you get it?" I nodded slowly and smiled. "If mom found out he had this…wow, I can't even imagine what she would do to him." Edward's eyes were shining brightly. I shook my head slightly. How had I missed what a pretty green his eyes were? They looked like the moss on the trees behind my dad's back yard. I didn't know that color even existed until I came here. I wondered why I hadn't noticed it was also the color of Edward's eyes.

I was jostled out of my wonderings by a dancing Edward. I had to laugh when he executed an ungainly half twist, half jump combo that resulted in him falling to the floor. But instead of being upset or embarrassed, he adjusted his glasses and looked up at me with a huge grin from his crumpled position on the floor. I'd seen Edward happy before, but this was a new level. I wonder how long he'd been waiting for a chance like this.

"How do you think they got it?" I briefly wondered if my uncle or Edward's cute father was the unknowing porn provider. What would Aunt Janet say?

"Who cares?" His voice got louder as he stood up and resumed his dancing. "This is my ticket. All I have to do is play my cards right and I'll own this place." He waved his hands around, indicating that he meant the tree house.

I laughed at my little evil genius of a friend. He'd been in the place that he'd tried all summer to enter for barely 10 minutes. He should be basking in the accomplishment. But instead he was busy planning a takeover.

I grabbed the Playboy out of his hand as he waved it in front of my face for what seemed like the 100th time. The cover showed an incredibly beautiful blond with huge boobs.

My stomach dropped as soon as I got a good look at the cover. There wasn't an ounce of fat on her. Her skin was smooth and shiny. No freckles, moles, nothing marred her perfect skin.

She was the kind of woman that every little girl hoped they grew up to be. She was the kind of girl who didn't ever have to worry about being followed home from school and have insults hurled at her by all of the boys. No, this is precisely the kind of girl who would have had those boys eating out of her hands.

She was the kind of girl that I was expected to be. If I looked like her, my mom would finally be proud of me.

I took great pains to avoid looking at myself in mirrors or well, at all really. I'd seen other girl's bodies when we changed for gym class and god knows I'd seen the perfection that wandered around in bathing suits and skimpy clothes on the streets of Phoenix. But I hadn't really _seen_ a naked woman's body. I'd be lying if I wasn't curious to see what I was supposed to look like.

"Don't you, um, don't you want to look at it?" Edward stopped dancing. He scrunched his nose up and cocked his head to the side like a quizzical cocker spaniel.

"Do you want to look?" His voice squeaked a little. I did but only to see what I was supposed to look like, up close and personal and in color. But Edward didn't need to know that.

I shrugged, trying to look disinterested.

Edward walked over and looked over my shoulder at the boobie mag. He was unusually quiet.

I moved so I could see his face. It was all red and he looked a little scared.

"What's wrong Edward?"

Edward ran his hand through sweaty hair and pushed his glasses up, "I don't really want to look at it is that ok?" The embarrassment and unease was clearly evident in his voice and on his face. Jasper and Emmett may be ready to look at naked girls but I realized Edward clearly was not.

I guess I didn't need to look at the magazine to remind me of what my body lacked and if I was honest, I didn't really want Edward to be reminded of my short comings either.

"Of course it is Edward." I smiled reassuringly at him. He quickly flashed me the smile I'd grown so accustomed to seeing

"So, what do we do with it?" I turned the magazine over so I wouldn't have to be subjected to anymore perfection.

"Here, give it to me." Edward pulled out a tiny purple cube from his front right pocket.

"What is that?" I chuckled and pointed at his hand.

"It's a cell phone. Duh." I giggled as he grabbed the Playboy out of my hand to place it gingerly on the milk crate table. He moved it around on the table trying to get the best angle.

"When did you get a Barbie cell phone?" I got my giggling under control long enough to get one more jab in.

"My mom got it for me after I wandered off at the End of Summer Ball last year." He ignored my jab and answered off handedly.

_End of Summer Ball?_ I could see how preoccupied he was with the job at hand. So I bookmarked that comment for a future conversation. Because I really wanted to know what in the world an end of summer ball was and what my shy little friend had been doing at said ball.

Once photographic proof was recorded on the sparkly purple phone, we fanned out to investigate the rest of the room.

Just as I'd suspected, the inside of the tree house was filled with comic books, old bean bag chairs that had tiny white balls threatening to escape the frayed seams and mounds of candy wrappers. Two camp lanterns were served as the major light source and a weird smell permeated the dark interior. I wrinkled my nose at the combined smell of cherry Kool-Aid and something that smelled very much like the vanilla lotion that Aunt Janet kept stocked in all of the bathrooms. _Weird._

The smell or lack of cleanliness didn't seem to bother Edward; he snuggled deep into a bean bag chair that looked to be held together by silver duct tape. I shook my head at him as he stared intently at a dog eared copy of an X-Men comic.

I settled myself on the floor, figuring that it was the safest and probably the least dirty option. I got comfortable and caught up on the adventures of The Amazing Spiderman.

I have no idea how long we were in the tree house when the loud sound of car doors slamming caught our attention.

"They're back!" Edward's scared eyes met mine.

We scurried like roaches at daybreak. Comics were thrown willy nilly as we rushed to the door.

"Go." Edward ordered.

I grabbed the rope and froze. Climbing up was one thing, but going down…I was terrified of falling.

"Bella, go!" I stood frozen with my hand on the rope.

"We don't have time for this." Edward pushed me out the door, I had to grab the rope or plummet to the ground.

I barely had time to move one rung down before Edward jumped and followed me down the ladder.

"Keep going Bella." I huffed with my exertions, and kept my eyes on the quickly approaching ground. "You're doing great." Edward was nearly over taking me on the ladder. I could feel the heat of his body coming off his skin as he climbed down nearly on top of me. My heart was beating fast and I felt drops of sweat pool on my neck as we made our escape.

We were barely clear from the ladder before the slam of the back door carried across the yard. Edward and I quickly assumed lazy and what we hoped looked like innocent poses at the base of the tree.

"What's up Buttercup?" Emmett smiled widely and threw a punch at Edward's shoulder as Edward glared up at him from his position on the ground.

"What are you guys doing?" Emmett eyed us warily.

"Oh you know, just hanging out." Edward grinned and shoulder bumped me. I grinned back at my friend.

"What are you two grinning about?" Jasper grabbed the rope and looked up to the tree house. Emmett's eyes followed my cousin's eyes and tried to connect the dots.

Emmett moved quickly to where we sat. His body blocked the sun as he hovered over us. "Edward if you went up there…" His voice faltered and he clenched his fists.

Having finally made it up the ladder and saw the 'inner sanctum', I wasn't all that impressed. I couldn't understand why Emmett was getting so upset at the thought of Edward being up there, until I remembered the boobie mag.

Afraid that Edward's blush and guilty looking eyes were about to get him caught, I racked my brain for a diversion.

I didn't have to wait long.

"What's the big deal if we did go up there?" I cringed at the sound of Edward's confronting statement.

_What was the boy thinking? You NEVER poke a bear with a stick, Edward. Never! _

"Why, are you hiding something Emmett?" Edward taunted.

Jasper's face turned the shade of a ripe tomato and Emmett's eyes grew wide with worry as Edward's mouth curled up into a knowing smirk. _Uh, oh! _

Suddenly Emmett advanced on Edward. Sure that my best friend was about to depart this planet at the hands of his porn perusing sibling, I moved to block Emmett's advance, convinced that my bulk would be able to take the hit better than Edward's smaller frame. But my natural grace once again reared its ugly head.

My foot caught on an exposed root and I fell forward into the rope ladder. My arms got all twisted and I succeeded in getting myself snarled up in the rope. I clung tightly as the rope twisted violently. I lost my grip and let go of the rope and landed with an audible thud as my back hit the ground. My left leg was still firmly entwined within the knotted maze and was pointed straight up into the air. My poor right arm was bent painfully behind my back.

"Bella, are you OK?" I ignored Edward's stupid question as it was clearly apparent I was not OK. Girls who are 'OK' didn't do themselves bodily harm trying to walk three steps.

"Dude, did you see that fall? I don't think she's OK."

Screw you Emmett. Even if you're right. I though grumpily.

"Shut it Em. She could be really hurt." I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to block out the pain in my arm that was rapidly moving up to my shoulder.

I felt steady hands untangle my ankle and place it gently on the ground and a rougher set of paws push my torso up off the grass, releasing my arm from its prison.

As soon as I was once again upright, Edward was at my side surveying the damage.

"Your ankle doesn't look broken. Do you think you can walk?" I nodded and Edward grabbed my arm to help me up. I winced when he touched my shoulder. "Do you want me to get my dad?"

"No I'll be Ok. Just another bruise to add to the scrap book." I tried to smile reassuringly but the look on Edward's face told me that he wasn't buying it.

"Will you help me to the house?" I really wanted to sit down on something soft and put my bruised foot up. Edward nodded and we began to limp slowly towards the house. As we walked away, we could hear Emmett and Jasper discuss the situation.

"Em, what do you think?"

"Are you kidding me? Did you see that fall? There's no way Tumble B made it all the way up the ladder and back down without killing herself. Or at least breaking an arm or something." Emmett chuckled at my expense.

"I don't know Em, Edward had a really strange look on his face…"

"Pffft, forget about it dude. Eddie always looks like that. He makes the same face when he's constipated. The kid is weird. We're good." Edward stiffened at Emmett's comment, but I tugged him towards the house and safety.

"Forget it Edward." I whispered. The look on his face told me that he was itching to throw the magazine in his brother's face. "Now isn't the time." I urged. He nodded in understanding and we climbed the stairs to the deck. I hobbled through the door but Edward looked back towards the boys, they were beginning the climb up to the tree house. From the look on his eyes it was easy to see that he was longing to go with them. As much as I loved having him with me all of the time I knew that he wanted to be part of their group. Edward yearned for their acceptance and I understood completely what it was like for him.

With his head down and shoulders slumped, he followed me into the house. We may have won a battle today but the war he was waging was still going strong.

"Do you think you'll be back for Christmas?" I shrugged and went back to piecing together the helmet of the Spartan from the Halo puzzle we had spread out all over Aunt Janet's dining room table. As my days of freedom dwindled, Edward had become greatly concerned about my next visit. The truth was I didn't want to leave and knowing that my time with Edward was practically over depressed the crap out of me.

"What about spring break?"

"I don't know Edward." I sighed and went back to digging through the puzzle box.

"Aha!" I popped the green piece into place, finishing the portrait of John. Only the dead bodies of the Flood were left to flesh out. After the high of 'great tree house invasion of 2009' had worn off, we'd settled back into our normal routine of movies, puzzles and board games. The days ticking off the calendar made every game, every movie that more significant.

"You don't seem to know much do you?" I glared at my friend and went back to the puzzle.

"Bella. When are you coming back?" He demanded.

I pushed my chair back from the table; I tensed at the screeching sound the legs made against the hardwood floor. "What do you want me to say Edward? I don't know when I'll be back! Do you want me to tell you how little control I have over my life and that I hate the thought of going back to Phoenix? Back to my mom? Do you want to know why she won't let me stay?"

I continued speaking not giving him a chance to answer. My anger and frustration at my situation poured out of me in big chunks.

"Because then she'd have no one to be disappointed in, no one to belittle in front of her snotty friends and their perfectly proportioned daughters. Without her fat, ugly kid around there would be no reason for her friends to pat her hand and give her sympathetic looks as they lunch at the country club. No, she'll never let that happen. So to answer your question, I have no idea when I'm coming back." I flopped back into my chair, frustrated at the situation and angry that I let it mar even a second of the few moments I had left in Forks. I leaned over the table, laying my head onto my forearms and closed my eyes. I breathed deeply, filling my lungs with the sweet scents of the house.

The smell of lilac coming from the laundry room reminds me that at home, Renee insists on unscented detergents so that nothing interferes with the scent of her designer perfumes.

Another lung full of air brings the smell of the freshly baked peach cobbler wafting in from the kitchen. I try not to cry remembering what a wonderful time I had this morning with my aunt baking the cobbler. We laughed and joked as we danced to Journey, Tom Petty and Maroon 5.

I smiled at the memory of how Aunt Janet and I 'moved it like Jagger' all morning as we baked.

Finally the smell of freshly cut grass, dirt, and sunshine with just a touch of boy funk invades my space and cements itself into my memory.

Edward.

I lift my heavy head to find Edward's own head down as he diligently digs through the puzzle box. His unruly hair flops around with his quick and jerky hand movements. He looks to be working attentively but looks can be deceiving. I watch as he picks up and puts back the same piece three times. His giant brain is obviously preoccupied with something other than the puzzle.

I'm embarrassed at my outburst and figured that Edward's silence is a direct consequence of the airing my frustrations. I hated that my issues once again tumbled into the safe and happy home I'd found in Forks.

We sit in silence as I watch him pretend to concentrate on the Halo puzzle spread out before us. Just as I was about to crack a joke to try to lighten the mood, Edward decided to speak.

"I'm sorry; I didn't know it was so bad." His head is still down. He's using his serious voice.

"Why should you?" I tried to shrug nonchalantly and began to sift through the box of grey and army green puzzle pieces. I tried to appear like finishing the puzzle was more important thinking about than hell I was about to return to.

Edward reached over and stilled my hand in the box. "Bella, I may just be a kid but I know that a parent isn't supposed to treat their kid like that." His eyes weren't their normal dancing green. He has his 'serious eyes' on. They were dark green like an evergreen tree. Not the sparkly happy moss green they usually were.

"It's Ok." I shrug and pretend disinterest, hoping that he let it go.

He didn't.

"No it's not Bella." I nod quickly, hoping it's enough. Edward shakes his head and frowns, but lets it go.

I look around the bedroom that had been like a slice of heaven for the last 12 weeks. Running my hand across the comforter, I remembered the day that we'd picked it all out. I'd been so worried about fitting in, but my aunt gave nothing but openness and understanding from day one. She made me feel loved and welcomed.

I picked up last week's discarded New York Times crossword puzzle. It was only half finished; Uncle Mark and I had abandoned it deciding instead to take a walk after becoming so frustrated that we couldn't finish it. We'd only succeeded in actually finishing two puzzles since we'd started our Sunday morning ritual my second weekend in Forks. I pressed the crumpled piece of paper safely between the two cookbooks my aunt was sending home with me.

Two rocks glinting in the sun catch my eye. Reaching across the polished nightstand, I grabbed them off the windowsill. My fingers rub absently over the smooth sides. I chuckled as I remembered how much fun it was the day we went to the beach at La Push where Jasper and Emmett had spent hours trying to teach Edward and me how to skip rocks. The day had ended when after two hours of trying; Edward had successfully skipped his rock farther than both my cousin and his brother's best attempts. The smile on Edward's face was still evident at the bonfire that night where we ate hot dogs and Smore's cooked over the open fire. Charlie had joined us that night. He was funny and visibly relaxed, having left the duties of being the Chief behind him for the night. I put the rocks in my pocket.

I didn't need to find anything in particular that reminded me of Edward to take back to Phoenix. Edward was everywhere I looked and in every breath I took. He was in my heart and I didn't need an external reminder of just how much he meant to me.

I grabbed my duffle off the bed and slowly walked towards the door. I stopped at the threshold and took one more look back into my room. The bed was made; the pillows were plumped and laying decoratively along the headboard. It was a beautiful room. I'd miss it once I returned to the room I slept in at my mother's house.

Wiping a lone tear, I trudged down the stairs to have my last breakfast in Forks. The smell of my aunt's famous ginger waffles assaulted my senses as I stepped into the foyer. I set my bag by the front door and walked down the hallway towards the kitchen, glancing at all of the family pictures on the wall. I stopped in front of the two latest editions. One was a picture of Aunt Janet, Uncle Mark, Jasper and me standing in front of the Tahoe at Edward's summer dance recital. I had to chuckle at the memory. Edward was not a happy camper that day. He was so unhappy about his stupid ballet lessons, he'd practically made me promise not to come but then his mom and Aunt Janet had gotten together and decided that it needed to be a big group outing.

Edward looked so cute up on stage in his costume performing his routine. I don't know what he was so worried about. He only got off track once when Emmett started making fart noises with his armpits right as Edward was about to perform some kind of complicated step. He tripped but caught himself before he fell. Edward regained his balance and fell right back into step with the rest of the troupe, but not before shooting his brother a "I'll get you later' look. His mom didn't wait until later; she smacked Emmet on the back of the head. The smack was hard enough that it echoed inside the auditorium.

The last picture was of Jasper, Emmet, Edward and me out on the back deck. Aunt Janet had purchased a giant watermelon at the farmer's market and we'd spent the better part of the afternoon seeing who could spit the seeds the furthest. Who knew I had such talent? What got me was the look on my face. I was smiling. Not one of my usual 'smile because I have to' grins. No. This was a wide toothy smile. You could see from the picture that I was genuinely happy. I wasn't use to seeing that expression on my own face. It looked, nice.

The sounds of laughter interrupted my trip down memory lane. I walked into the kitchen to find my family gathered around the table. Uncle Mark, Aunt Janet and Charlie were laughing at something Jasper was saying. Judging from the faces and noises he was making, I think I can safely assume that Emmett was involved in the narrative in some way.

"Good morning sweetheart. Come sit down and I'll make you a plate." Everyone stopped talking and turned around as my aunt ushered me into the kitchen and pulled my chair at the table out.

"All packed up bright eyes?" I nodded solemnly at my uncle's question.

"I can't believe the summer is already over. I'm so sorry to see you go." A kiss was planted on my cheek as a warm plate of waffles was placed in front of me. I looked up to thank her only to get another kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes and just absorbed the love.

"Janet, let the girl eat. We'll need to leave soon." Aunt Janet nodded at Charlie and turned back to her stove.

Charlie gave me a slow wink. He still didn't say a lot, but over the summer we'd come to more of a normal relationship. Even though I'd spend 90% of my time at my Aunt's house, Charlie and I had managed to have a few dinners together. Most of them were had at the diner, but I'd used my newly acquired cooking skills and had cooked a few times for the two of us. Charlie was a big fan of my chili and chocolate chip cookies. I was happier with the relationship I had with Charlie now at the end of my visit than I was at the beginning. I only hoped that we were able to build on it over the next year. It would be nice to have one parent in my corner.

Finally.

Jasper passed me the syrup and I spread it all over my mouthwatering waffle. My eyes rolled back into my head as I took the first bite.

"Good?" I could only nod at my aunt's question. My mouth was too full of sweet ginger goodness to answer. "Eat up guys, there's more." I leaned back in my seat as three flashes of silver flew in front of my face as they fought to get to the fresh plates of waffles. As we ate, I kept waiting for the back door to slam open and Emmett to wander in with a red and white checked napkin tied around his big neck and a knife and fork in his big paws. Dimples could smell my Aunt's ginger waffles from miles away. But I knew that wasn't going to happen. The boys had been in Chicago for the last week, having to attend the funeral of their great aunt. I hoped that they would make it back before we had to leave, but Esme wanted to stay and help her uncle and mother get settled before coming home.

I hadn't spoken to Edward since they'd left. Aunt Janet had given me Edward's address and phone number. They were folded carefully and tucked into the front pocket of my jeans.

I finished my breakfast and got up to help my aunt clean up. She gave me a playful hip check as I grabbed a hand towel and started drying the dishes. We chatted aimlessly about the weather and how lucky we'd been to have had so much sun the past week. I didn't want to think about how much I would miss the overcast and cooler weather of Forks once I was back in the unending and grueling heat of Arizona.

"Bella, we need to get going." Charlie called to me from the table. I nodded and put the glass I was drying back in the cabinet. Sighing, I turned and walked back towards the table. Uncle Mark and Jasper had moved into the hallway and were waiting by the door. Aunt Janet followed me; her hand on my back was comforting as we walked to the door. Much like the walk down the jet way on my arrival, I never wanted this one to end.

At the door, Charlie grabbed my bag and went on out to the car. I turned to Aunt Janet but she just pushed me out the door, following close behind.

We trudged towards the cruiser. Charlie was only taking the morning off to take me to the airport. We were taking the cruiser so he could return to his official duties once I was unloaded at the airport.

How fitting that a police car would be my transportation to the airport where I would start my journey back to jail.

Jasper opened the door for me, I handed him my back pack to place on the floor. On the rare days that I wasn't with Edward and he wasn't with Emmett, Jasper and I had spent afternoon's together playing cards, watching movies and occasionally he'd even join my cooking lessons with his mother. We'd developed a quiet friendship over the summer.

"Have a good trip Bella." He squeezed my shoulder and gave me one of his shy smiles that I'd seen the Forks girls swoon over all summer.

"Thanks Jasper." My return smile was covered up when his father hugged me tightly. I returned my uncle's' hug. He was quiet just like his son. He let his actions speak for him.

"That's enough Mark. It's my turn." I let myself melt into my aunt's tight embrace.

"I'm going to miss you so much sweetheart." I merely nodded into her shoulder and sobbed, not trusting my voice to tell her how much this summer had meant to me.

How much she meant to me.

She tightened her arms around me, understanding without needing to hear my words.

"I know baby. I know." She leaned back and used her thumbs to wipe my tears. "All you have to do is call." I snuffled and nodded. I used my sleeve to wipe the snot off my face.

"Janet, we have to go." Charlie gently reminded us.

"Ok, ok. " She shot Charlie a 'look' before turning back to me. "Bella, you've been such a delight and I'm so happy to have had the opportunity to watch you blossom." My head jerked up in denial.

She nodded emphatically. "Yes, you have. And it was a wonderful thing to see. You've become more confident and you let someone get close to you." My eyes misted at her reference to my absent friend. She grabbed my chin and held my eye line. "Please don't let it stop baby. You're a beautiful girl and it's time you accepted that fact."

This time I didn't even try to stop the tears. I didn't believe what she was saying, but the fact that someone would say it to me and sound like they meant it, was huge. I hugged her tighter.

"Ahem." We broke apart at Charlie's not so subtle reminder that we needed to go. With one more kiss to the forehead, she let me go and I walked over to the cruiser. Jasper and Uncle Mark moved to comfort Aunt Janet.

Standing at the car I couldn't help but let my eyes wander down the street in the direction of Edward's house, praying that I would see him running up the sidewalk dragging his Monopoly set or clutching a new comic that he 'just had to share' with me. Sighing at the empty sidewalk, I moved to get into the car.

"Don't worry sweetheart. You'll see him again." She knew me so well.

Charlie backed out of the driveway as I waved goodbye to my family. I was already counting the days before I would be allowed to return to them.

I watched out my window until they were no longer visible, and then I let my sadness take over. Charlie was silent as we drove through town. We passed the diner and I recognized Sheila, the head waitress's car. She always made sure that I had a lemon wedge with my iced tea and snuck steamed veggies onto Charlie's 'Steak and Potato' platter.

When the high school came into view and I was reminded of the varsity baseball games that Edward and I had attended earlier in the summer. I wiped another tear as I remembered how Edward assured me that someday I'd be watching him play on that field. I'd missed Edward's little league season. I'd heard from my aunt that he was quite the pitching phenomenon. Though Emmett and Jasper were less sure about Edward's ability on the mound, I was still hoping that some day I would be cheering my friend on from the stands.

We passed the Welcome to Forks sign and got onto the highway that would take us to the Port Angeles airport. I settled back into the seat and allowed my memories to keep me company on my journey.

I was startled out of a nap by Charlie's exclamation of, "What the hell?" The cruiser skid to a stop at the side of the road. I leaned up to see what the commotion was.

My seatbelt was off and I was scrambling out the door before Charlie could stop me.

"Bella, get back here. What do you…" I slammed the door on Charlie and started off for the Pearl colored Escalade. The back door opened, Edward jumped out and started running towards me.

We stopped halfway between the two cars.

"I was afraid we were going to miss you."

"What are you doing here?" Our questions overlapped each other and we both started to chuckle.

"You first." My face hurt with the force of my smile. I was going to get to say goodbye.

"Well, our plane got delayed so we couldn't get to the house before you left and mom didn't know your plane information so we couldn't wait for you at the airport and then we had to stop and feed Emmett which made us even later and I just knew I was going to miss you." He stopped speaking and took in a deep breath of air.

"Hey, I wasn't the only one enjoying all the bounty that McDonalds has to offer so don't go blaming your lateness on me." Emmett boomed as he ambled over to us. "Hey Tumble B."

"Hey Em."

"You're the one that made us wait for the fresh batch of hash browns." Edward pointed out.

"Hey, is it a crime to want fresh browns?" Edward glared at his brother.

"It doesn't matter Edward." I could see the tell tale signs of a brotherly fight beginning to emerge. "I'm so happy to see you." I gushed.

"Me too."

"Bella!" I turned to see Charlie scowling and pointing to his watch. We'd run out of time.

"Um, I guess I have to go." I could feel the frown form on my face as I willed the tears to not fall.

"Yeah, I guess you do." He toed the ground with his sneaker and we watched a couple of rocks roll into the ditch. Our time was ticking away and I didn't know what to do.

I wanted to hug him and tell him that he was my best friend and that I'd never forget him. I wanted Edward to know that by simply being himself and accepting me the way I am, he made me the happiest I could ever remember being.

But the old doubts crept back in on me.

Would he let me hug him? We were close, I mean Edward had seen me at my worst but we'd never been overly touchy-feely.

Would he be embarrassed to be touching my fat rolls?

Would I smell OK?

Would his arms even be able to go around me?

All of my fears were forgotten when Edward stepped forward and had me in a tight bear hug before I could react.

At that moment, all of my issues disappeared as I felt Edward's arms tighten around my body.

I hugged him tight on the side of a road between Forks and Port Angeles. I didn't care about the cars passing or what their occupants thought of our spectacle. All that mattered was that when my best friend got back into the car with his family and drove back to Forks, he'd know what he meant to me and how much he's given me throughout the summer.

"Sweetie, they really need to be going." Esme's soft voice filtered through our little bubble. Edward slowly backed away, our hands meeting and gripping each other's before finally letting go.

Edward stepped back, I felt the loss immediately. But Esme quickly stepped in to take his place.

"You've been a great friend to him Bella. I hope you understand how much you mean to him." She hugged me tightly before stepping back.

"Outa my way mom, it's my turn." Esme shook her head at her oldest son but moved away and walked over to put a comforting arm around Edward. He'd taken his glasses off and was wiping his eyes. I didn't think they were wet because of the light mist.

"It's been real and it's been great but I can't say it's been real great."

"Emmett McCarty!"

"Ouch mom!" Esme had delivered a smack to the back of Em's head. I chuckled as he vigorously tried to rub away the sting. "She knows I was kidding. Right B?" I nodded and smiled. Emmett was a pain sometimes but he never intentionally hurt anyone. Even his jokes about my clumsiness didn't really hurt. It was just Emmett being Emmett. I don't know why but in the back of my mind I knew that if I ever needed him, he'd be there for me. "I sure am going to be sorry to see you go B. Now I'll have to play that stupid Star Wars game with him."

"He'll miss you lots. And so will I." Emmett whispered as he leaned in and gave me one of his famous bear hugs.

"Em, be good and let him up into the tree house every once in awhile." He winked and walked back to the car, flicking Edward's ear as he went by. Edward scowled at him but it was just Emmett's way of showing affection. I had every confidence that when they got home today Emmett would play Monopoly and watch Princess Bride to make his brother feel better.

"Bella, we have to go, NOW!" Charlie's voice had that authoritative tone he used for speeders and jay walkers.

I nodded to him and turned back to wave goodbye to Edward. I knew if I got close to him again, Charlie would have to pry me away. He was leaning into Esme's hip, she was hugging him tightly. Dr. Cullen walked over and handed Edward a brown paper package. He shook his head and hid his face into his mom's shoulder. Dr. Cullen smiled and started towards me with the package.

"Bella, he wanted you to have this." I accepted the square shaped package from him. "I'm so grateful to have met you Bella. You're a beautiful girl. Don't forget that." I nodded; he patted my back and turned back to his family. Both Dr. and Mrs. Cullen always made me feel welcome and special whenever I had the chance to be around them. It was easy to see where Edward got his big heart from.

"Isabella!" Crap! He was really agitated now if he was using my first name. I managed one more smile and wave before turning back to the cruiser.

I buckled the seat belt as Charlie pulled onto the road. The light mist had given way to a hard rain, making it difficult to see the Cullen's. I assumed they'd gotten back into the car. I waved again as we passed hoping that Edward could see me. Safely in the car I let the tears slide down my cheeks. They made dark marks on the brown paper square in my lap.

"Are you trying to miss your plane home?" I ignored his question.

I didn't want to go back to Phoenix. Only the knowledge that Charlie carried a taser, handcuffs and could probably outrun me, stopped me from jumping out of the car and running back to Forks.

Back to my family and back to Edward.

My aunt and the Cullen's told me I was beautiful. Did I believe them?

No.

Bella Swan was not beautiful. She still couldn't fit into a size 6 and her thighs still jiggled when she walked. But there was one thing that was different about me.

I'd discovered that I wasn't unworthy of love or friendship as my mom and lack of friends back in Phoenix would have me believe.

My aunt and uncle showed their love for me every day I was with them. The pictures on my father's wall made me think that even though he wasn't as demonstrative as Aunt Janet, he loved me as well.

Jasper and Emmett may have spent most of their time looking at porn in the tree house or chasing girls around the pool. But when they did spend time with Edward and me, they never acted like it was a chore. I was accepted as part of their group. Sure that may have involved some teasing here and there but it was never malicious. And they were just as prone to tease each other as they were to tease me or Edward. Mostly Edward.

Edward. The rain falling outside was nothing compared to the wetness running down my cheeks at the thought of him.

How do I put into words what someone like Edward meant to me?

He made me smile when I was sad. And made me laugh when I was mad.

He stuck up for me when others would put me down.

A smile or a light touch was always there when I needed them and Edward always knew when I needed them.

My best friend was a genius to the academia world, a sweet and gently son to his parents, a bratty little brother to Emmett and just another kid to the people of Forks.

But to me he was just Edward.

My Edward.

I may not be able to walk into any store and find clothes that fit like skinny girls can and I may trip over air and spend 50% of my time landing on my well padded behind. But if someone as special as I knew Edward was considered me his friend than Bella Swan wasn't all that bad. And that my mother was wrong.

"What did they give you?" Charlie's question reminded me of my gift. I wiped my tears and unwrapped the package.

It was a framed picture of the two if us playing Monopoly on my Aunt's deck. We were sitting side by side holding our respective game pieces up to the camera. Huge smiles were evident on both of our faces as we laughed at a joke that I can't remember specifically, only that we laughed so hard that Edward eventually fell out of his chair.

I rubbed my fingers lovingly over the purple frame and traced the words that Edward had written at the top of the frame in gold marker; 'Bella and Edward, best friends forever.'

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><p>I cried several times writing the ending. Leaving a good friend is hard but to leave the only one you've ever had...*sniff*<p>

The next chapter will center around how those two spend their time apart.

Please tell me what you think.

Until next time...

ruinedbyrob


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately I still don't own Twilight and I'm damn ticked off about it! I do however own a copy of Bel Ami and plan to have it worn out within the next week. *wink*

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><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

Chapter 7

The plane ride home was excruciating. Not only did I get the middle seat, but my big body was wedged between two older businessmen. Neither would be considered 'petite' themselves. One of whom drank his way across three states while the other kept showing me pictures of his grandkids. Between watching the drunk one hit on every female within a 10 feet radius and having to dodge the bad breath of the other guy while he boasted about Missy being voted prom queen as a junior, Kyle being the starting the quarterback for his varsity team as a sophomore or how proud he is of little Josie for practically potty training herself at a year and a half, I was actually craving being in the confined space of the car with my mother.

I was however spared that car ride. As I walked towards the luggage carousel where my new purple luggage, courtesy of Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark, would make it's way out of the bowels of the airport, I saw a handsome young man in a black suit holding a sign with 'Isabella M. Swan' in big black letters.

I looked around and didn't see Renee or Phil. I guess they had more important things to do instead of picking me up. I grabbed my two new bags and shuffled to the cute sign guy.

"Um, that's me." I pointed at the sign. He gave me the once over, frowning as he took in my attire.

"Can I see some ID please?" I could feel his sneer hit me in the chest and drip down my Def Leppard t-shirt and baggy jeans to finally puddle beneath my worn but still comfortable Sketchers. I guess I didn't look like someone who would have a car service pick them up at the airport.

"I don't really have anything. " Great the one time I actually wanted to be me and I can't prove it.

"No drivers' license or school ID?"

"I'm only 13 years old and school hasn't started yet." I explained. People were starting to stare. Great. Now I was getting a headache.

"I'm sorry Miss, but I really need to see something that proves you are who you say you are and not trying to grab the real Miss Swan's limo."

A limo? Why in the world would she send a limo? Now people are going to be staring at me the whole way home. Even when Renee wasn't even here, she managed to still make me feel self conscious.

"Look, I really need to get moving. If you can't prove who you are, I'll need to be going." He put his hat back on his perfectly coiffed sandy blond hair, crumpled the sign and began walking towards a garbage can.

He was going to leave me here. My mother didn't think to give him a description of me? Or call me in Forks to make sure I had some ID with me? Or be bothered to freaking pick me up herself?

The driver turned to walk towards the doors, his mind made up that I wasn't the girl he was waiting for. I panicked as he got farther away. What was I going to do? I didn't have a friend I could call. My only friend was a thousand miles and a time zone away. Besides, I didn't have a cell phone to even make the call. I only had the $10.00 Charlie pressed into my hand at the airport for a drink or a snack on the plane. I knew it wasn't enough to cover the 30 minute drive from the airport to my house.

_Think Bella. Think._

"Wait!" I yelled across the room. He stopped and turned, I took off dragging my luggage behind me.

"What?" He demanded when I reached him, all out of breath from my trek across the terminal.

"My luggage tags. They have my name and address on them." I pointed to the tags that were attached to my bags and breathed heavily as he bent down to take a look.

"These say Bella not Isabella."

_What the?_ Did I sit on this guy's lunch in another life? Why was he being such a jerk to me?

He smirked and turned to leave me again.

"Look Ryan," I'd leaned in and read his name tag. "Bella is short for Isabella and regardless the address is the same as is the last name. I don't know what your problem is but my mom hired you drive me home. And if you don't, you'll be paying the consequences. " I didn't know where that assertiveness came from, but thank god it showed up.

"Fine. This way." He huffed and I happily followed him out the door to a black town car sitting at the curb. He popped the trunk and without another word, I put my bags into the back.

I opened the door to the backseat and slid inside the luxurious car. I didn't realize how tired I was until I sank into the plush leather seat. Ryan wordlessly got into the front seat and rolled up the partition window. Normally I would sit and feel sorry for myself that the cute boy was being mean to me, but today I couldn't bring myself to care that he was acting like such a jerk. I just wanted to go home and see if I'd gotten any messages from Edward.

I stared out the window, longing for the plush green of Forks only to be met with the depressing brown tones of the dry Arizona desert.

After being practically thrown out of the car at the curb of the house with not even a goodbye from Ryan, I trudged up to the dark house. I didn't even bother ringing the doorbell. Digging my key out of my back pack, I let myself in the back door and entered the dark and empty house.

I won't lie and say that I'd been looking forward to being home and spending time with my mother. But it would have been nice to have someone waiting for me after being gone for the last three months.

I trudged up the stairs to my room. The only sounds in the house were the clunking of the wheels of my luggage as they banged on the stairs. At first I lifted the luggage so they wouldn't scratch the polished wood, but then I decided that if Renee couldn't be bothered to be here to hear the noise and see the scratches, then why should I care? I may have even allowed the wheels to drag a little longer than they needed to.

The door to my room opened and revealed a space that I no longer recognized. I guess while I was gone, my mother decided to redecorate my room. The bright orange and gold bedspread made me long for the mellow and comforting tones of lavender and sage that colored my rooms in Forks.

With a heavy sigh, I hoisted my bags onto the bed and looked around. She'd replaced everything. The drapes, rugs, lamps…everything was different.

None of it was me.

I unzipped my backpack and rooted around until my fingers felt the smooth painted wood of a picture frame. Smiling I walked over to the bedside table and pushed aside the garishly colored pot filled with plastic flowers; I placed the picture of Edward and me on the table and tilted it towards the bed so I could see it when I was lying down. I knew Renee would have a fit claiming that the purple frame clashed with the room's color scheme but I would fight her to keep it exactly where it was.

Toeing my shoes off and grabbing my lap top out of my bag, I leaned back against the ugly orange pillows and booted up my computer. For the first time ever, I smiled with anticipation as I logged into my email account.

My smile got even wider when I heard the mechanical voice exclaim, "You've got mail."

I clicked on the 'New Mail' tab and saw 5 new messages.

All of them from Edward.

I giggled when I realized that he'd sent an email an hour since I'd seen him last.

My finger quickly clicked on the mail tab and I began reading the first of his messages.

_Bella,_

_Mom says that you won't be home for hours and that I should wait until later to email you. But I couldn't wait to ask if you liked the picture. Did you? Mom said you would but I thought you might like a comic book or a movie better._

_Be glad that you didn't have to ride back in the car with us. Breakfast did not sit well with Emmett. We had to drive the last hour home with the windows open. And mom has banned Em from ever eating McDonalds again._

_Your friend,_

_Edward_

I laughed at the thought of the Cullen's being trapped in a car with Emmett after a greasy meal. I remembered all to well the ride from the airport when I'd arrived in Forks. I thought for sure something had crawled up and died inside that boy. I shook off the memory and hurriedly clicked on the rest of the emails. They ranged from quick notes asking if I were home yet to specific inquiries about my travel experience.

_Bella,_

_I did you get a window seat? I got to sit by the window on the way to Chicago but mom made me trade with Emmett on the way home. I definitely think the window seat is better. Did you know that the first jet engines were built at the same time in the 1930's by guys in Germany and Britain?_

_Your friend,_

_Edward_

Leave it to Edward to take a trip and learn something.

_Bella,_

_Are you there yet? LOL! It's me Emmett. Eddie had to run off to pee and left his computer unguarded. Sooo, did you break anything yet? What did they serve as a snack? We only got chips and half of a soda when we flew out to Chicago. Nothing on the way back. It was a total rip. I hear the toilet flushing. Gotta go before you know who gets his panties in a wad._

_later,_

_Emmett_

The next email revealed that Edward did indeed get his 'panties in a wad' over Emmett's unauthorized use of his computer.

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry about that last email. My brother evidently doesn't know the meaning of the word 'private'. Come to think of it, he doesn't know the meaning to lots of words. Hahahaha Get it?_

_Mom is making me go get a hair cut and new shoes this afternoon before school starts. Do you think I would look good with a buzz cut?_

_Your friend,_

_Edward_

Buzz cut? No. No. No. Edward had the most unique hair I'd ever seen. I sincerely hoped that he didn't get it all cut off. I hurriedly clicked on the next email.

_Bella,_

_I'm back. I guess you figured that out. Mom wouldn't let me get a buzz cut. She said my hair was to pretty to chop off. The hair cut lady agreed and I ended with the same boring cut as always. Guess who did get buzzed? Yep. Emmett. I guess his hair isn't as pretty as mine. *rolls eyes* When we got home dad said that buzzing Em was probably a good idea since that's how they'll make him wear his hair in military school. You should have seen it Bella. I thought Em was going to throw up. He turned all white and started to sweat. Then dad started to laugh and said he was only kidding. Emmett stomped off and mom hit dad in the back of the head. It was great._

_I'm guessing you're getting really close to home by now. I won't bother you anymore today. Mom says you'll need time to get settled and spend time with your mom. I hope you had a good trip and I'll talk to you soon._

_Your friend,_

_Edward_

I let out a deep breath now that I knew Edward didn't lose his hair. I don't know why for sure, but I just knew that his hair was important to me. Thank goodness his mom made him keep it. I laughed out loud in my empty room at the whole Emmett episode. I wish I could have been there to see it. I pushed my computer off my lap and wandered into the bathroom, needing to empty my bladder and wash some of the travel off before I sent my reply to Edward. I flipped the light on and was nearly blinded by the shocking brightness of the room. I had to shield my eyes from the glare as I made my way to the toilet.

When I left for Forks, the room was a light tan color. Now it was a bright ginger colored room with gold and red accents. It was awful.

Feeling my way out of the loud room, back to the equally atrocious bedroom I changed into some sleep pants and a t-shirt before wandering downstairs to find something for dinner.

The phone rang and I ran to grab it hoping it would be Edward.

"Hello."

"Bella?" It wasn't Edward but the sound of Charlie's voice still made me smile.

"Yeah dad it's me."

"So I guess you made it home alright?"

"Yeah I guess I did."

"No problems?" Well I almost got left at the airport by the guy mom sent to get me because she was too busy attending one of Phil's games to pick me up herself. And I'm all alone in the house until tomorrow night with very little food…

"No. No problems." I sighed. What good would come from telling him the whole story?

"Good. Good. Well, I gotta get back to work. I have to make up for the time I took off to run you to the airport this morning."

Dang. There goes that smile. "Oh I'm sorry dad. You should have let Aunt Janet take me."

"No, it's Ok. I, I just need to get going." I could hear the uneasiness in his voice. If I was remembering correctly, this may be the longest phone call I'd ever shared with Charlie.

"Ok. Well thanks for everything and I'm sorry you have to work late because of me."

"You're welcome and Bells, I really liked having you here this summer. Maybe we can do it again next year?"

My heart soared and the smile reappeared on my face. "I would really like that too."

"Ok then, um, goodnight"

"Goodnight dad." I hung up the phone and continued my search for food.

Apparently my mother hadn't taken the time to do much grocery shopping in preparation for my return. Big surprise there.

After scouring the pantry and refrigerator, I finally find some ham that didn't smell too bad, a couple of carrots and some roasted tomato Triscuits. I grabbed a glass of milk, my meager dinner and went back to my room.

I munched on my crackers and typed out a letter to my friend.

_Edward,_

_I'm finally home. I didn't get a window seat but I think I met the 50 year old version of Emmett. He had horrible gas and not much hair. LOL! I bet he looks even funnier with the buzz cut. Say "Hi" for me and give his head a good rub. I didn't know that the jet engine was invented so early and by two guys in different countries. Thanks for the info._

_I'm glad you didn't end up with a buzz cut. I'm not sure it would work with your glasses._

_I stopped typing and finished my 'dinner'. As I drank my milk, I contemplated that last sentence. Why didn't I just tell him that I thought he had pretty hair? It was Edward for crying out loud. I shouldn't feel weird about how I feel. My finger hovered over the backspace button for a few seconds. But something kept me from deleting what I'd written._

_Hey, if Emmett got sent to military school, you would be the new half owner of the tree house. Maybe it's time to use the 'secret weapon'? Something to think about._

_I'm all settled in my room, or what used to be my room. While I was gone my mom must have gone blind because she painted my room and bath in the grossest colors ever. I may have to wear sunglasses just to not go blind from the glare. Emmett would probably love it!_

_I just finished dinner and am getting ready for bed. Tomorrow will be filled with doing laundry and getting ready for school on Monday. You're so lucky you have an extra day before your school starts. What are your plans for tomorrow?_

I decided not to tell him that I was alone and how awful Ryan treated me at the airport. Or that I'd found a hastily scrawled letter on the refrigerator from Renee telling me that they wouldn't be home until late Sunday night. I didn't want Edward to feel anymore sorry for me than I feared he already did.

A big yawn caught me off guard. I hadn't realized I was so tired. I moved my plate and empty glass to the floor beside my bed. With Renee gone, there was no reason to be in a hurry to clean them.

I needed to go to sleep. I was exhausted and would need all of my energy as I started another horrible school year. My eyes misted over as I re-read what I'd written so far. I missed them all so much and it was only the first day. How was I going to get through a whole year of my life in Phoenix when I knew there was a place that was better? A place where I had family who met me at the airport and friends who hijacked their brother's computer just to say 'Hi'. A place where people genuinely cared about me and checked in to make sure I was OK. My mother hadn't even called to see if I'd gotten home safely.

But Charlie had. I smiled and got myself tucked into bed. I decided to forego brushing my teeth for one night. I didn't think my retinas could take another trip to the bathroom. I needed to finish my letter and then hit the hay.

_I have to go to bed now. Travelling all day really takes it out of you. Tell everyone I said hello and that I made it home OK. Oh and you might want to think about getting a screensaver password. I don't think your Darth Vader door alarm will stop Emmett from sneaking into your room and getting on your computer._

_Your friend,_

_Bella_

_P.S. I love the picture. I have it on my bedside table. It's the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see every morning._

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><p><em><em>That damn Renee! Can you believe she did that to Bella? I was rather proud of the way Bella handled herself with that snobby limo driver. Maybe she's brought a little of that newly acquired self confidence back to Phoenix with her. I hope you tune in next time to see how she handles another school year.

Until next time,

RuinedbyRob


	8. Chapter 8

Many thanks to all of you who took the time to send me a review. You have no idea how wonderful you made me feel with all of your kind words and encouragement. [kisses]

My lovely beta mullet86, is on a well deserved vacation so all mistakes are mine.

**Disclaimer:** SM owns all things Twilight.

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><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

Chapter 8

"Move it fats!" I cringed and lowered my head as Corey Baptiste pushed his way past me into the lunchroom.

"Jesus Swan, did you gain _more_ weight over the summer?" Corey and the rest of his posse laughed at Jason Good's rhetorical question. I tried to blend into the wall as they all passed.

Knowing from past experiences that once Corey and his crew began taunting and teasing me they weren't going to stop, especially if I sat anywhere within their eye sight with food, I decided that skipping lunch would be the best choice for me today.

I grabbed my Geometry book out of my locker and headed outside to find a quiet and hopefully shady spot to sit and study for the lunch period.

It was September, and the Arizona sun was still bright enough to cause the temperature to rise into the 90's. Not hot by Arizona standards, but after spending the summer surrounded by blissful temps in the 70's and low 80's, I was still not acclimated to the dry heat.

I wiggled my shoulders against the rough bark of the tree trying to get comfortable. This wasn't my first choice to sit as it was in clear view of the lunch room, still well within Corey's reach but the shaded tables were already taken.

I ignored the grumbling emanating from my empty stomach and tried to concentrate on my textbook but the warm sun shining down coupled with my hunger made it difficult to concentrate on anything except how much I longed to be anywhere but where I was.

The new school year had started much like the old one ended, with me as prime bully bait for the local gang, my mother constantly reminding me about how much of a disappointment I was as she repacked the bags of clothes to return to whatever skinny girl store she'd purchased them from and once again I was alone. I found myself smiling at that last statement. While I may be physically alone, I was no longer completely without friends. Yes, friends' plural. Over the last couple of months I'd begun to regard Emmett my cousin as friends.

Ever since returning from Forks, I'd not only received daily emails from Edward but several from Emmett and Jasper. Most of Emmett's notes were detailing how wrong whatever Edward had said about him in the previous note was but on occasion, he would tell me about his day or tell me how cool his new video game was. Jasper's comments were less frequent and less animated than Emmett's, but still I was grateful to have them.

Smiling, I closed my textbook and leaned back against the tree. All pretenses of studying were out the window as I sat and let my favorite parts of his recent message ran through my mind.

"_I know I'm not supposed to correct the teachers, but what's the point of having a big brain if I don't get to use it?"_ Edward had written about correcting his history teacher on the actual date of American Independence. Edward's big brain had nearly gotten himself detention when he pointed out that it wasn't until seven years later that both the American and the British leaders signed a peace agreement that King George III agreed to America's independence. Using that logic, the actual date of Independence was September 3, 1783. He'd laid it all out so clearly in easily to understand language that Edward was shocked at his teacher's anger over his statement.

I chuckled to myself envisioning a proud Edward beaming at his annoyed history teacher.

The loud voices of my earlier tormentors carried across the quad. I lowered my head, hoping that my luck will hold out until the bell rings and they're called back to class.

The rest of the letter detailed the punishment that had been handed down from his parents for showing up his teacher. He'd been given the task of cleaning out his mother's flower gardens' in preparation for the coming winter, a task that if you believed Edward, would take him until Christmas to accomplish. He went on to gripe about his P.E. class and how absolutely unnecessary it was for him to be able to run a mile in 10 minutes. _You're preaching to the choir my friend._

The ringing of the bell signaled the end of my no-lunch, lunch hour. Shoving my unused textbook into my backpack, I hauled myself up and trudged back into class. I had only two more hours of trying to stay under everyone's radar before I could go home.

"Suck it in Bella." My mother's exasperated voice echoed my own feelings. She was currently attempting to shove me into what she liked to call a 'party dress'. Chinese finger trap was more like it. I swear the stupid pink thing was becoming tighter every time I took a breath.

"This was the biggest size they had. I had to go to three stores just to find this one." She complained, and I grimaced as she again tried to pull the zipper up.

"Mom, that hurts." I squealed, as the metal teeth dug into the skin on my back.

"Maybe that will teach you to turn down a doughnut every once in awhile." She puffed, trying to tuck in my skin. It was useless to point out to her that I had in fact turned down the doughnuts that were currently sitting downstairs in their white and green Krisp Kreme box. They'd been calling to me ever since Phil brought them home this morning. But So far I'd been able to resist their silky smooth glazed goodness.

However, with each frown on her face and complaint my mother uttered, I felt my resistance waning. Why deprive myself of that yumminess if I was still going to be subjected her barbs about my weight?

With a final humph of disappointment, my mother unzipped the pink nightmare that partially encased my body and pulled it off of me. "Well, I don't know what I'm going to find for you to wear to the luncheon."

The luncheon was the annual mother –daughter lunch at the local golf club. The group consisted of all the wealthy women in our neighborhood that my mother hung around with and their perfect daughters; all dressed up like it was the prom, complete with frilly dresses and corsages. They sat around a table munching on finger sandwiches, drinking tea and complaining about their significant others and how hot the new personal trainer at their gym was. As you can guess, I had nothing to add to either topic.

"Do you have anything suitable in here that fits?" Her voice was muffled from her position deep in my closet, but I could still hear the tone and it revealed that she already knew the answer.

No.

"I just don't see how I'll find something before Saturday." She looked disapprovingly at me as I pulled on my jeans. I hung my head and pulled my shirt on over my plain white bra.

"Do you have anything to say?" She asked irritated.

My head shot up and I looked her straight in the eyes. Here was my chance.

_Yeah, I have something to say. How about I say that you're a crappy mom? How about I tell you that after spending the summer in Forks, I now know what a real mom is like? They encourage with kind words and gentle advice. They're compassionate and loving with warm smiles and brief kisses on the top of your head. Instead of belittling me over the instant macaroni and cheese I had to fix myself for dinner, they make sure to fix a healthy meal and even stick around to eat it with me. Instead of trying to mold me into the 'perfect' daughter who wears a size 6, they embrace the size I am and make me see that it's not the size of the person's body that counts. But rather it's the size of their heart. And that instead of griping about me not having anything to wear to a party I don't want to go to, they would be planning on how we'd spend my birthday together instead of going to that stupid party! How does that sound Renee? _

But instead I stood staring at her with clenched fingers and pursed lips; I shook my head 'no' at her question. As much as I wanted to really say those things I knew that I couldn't say them. And I hated myself for being such a coward.

"I don't know what to do with you anymore. I guess you won't be going to the lunch." Before I could utter my usual apology for being such a disappointment and my thanks for not subjecting me to those fake women and their cruel and equally fake daughters, she walked out of the room.

I flopped down on my bed and flung my arm over my eyes. I took in several slow breaths as the last 30 minutes of my so called life flashed in before my closed eyelids. But before I could fall too deep into my pit of despair, a pinging rang out, alerting me to a new mail.

Without sparing another thought to Renee and her stupid party, I rolled over and opened up my email account to find a new letter from Edward.

_Bella, _

_Hi. Sorry that I haven't written much this week. I've been busy with school. Did I tell you that I joined the Yearbook staff? I think I did but anyway I got my first assignment. I have to write an article on the upcoming Fall Harvest festival and dance. Complete with pictures. Mom says that means I actually have to go to the dance. YUCK! Jasper and Emmett are coming with me. Emmett says he needs to "check out the new crop." Whatever that means and Jasper is going to be his 'wingman." Again, whatever that means. Plus, this weekend Mom is making me go to a stupid ballet camp. I leave tomorrow night and won't be home until Sunday, which means I'll miss talking to you on your actual birthday. So I'll want all of the details when I get home Sunday night. I mean it Swan. No skimping. If you get your learners permit make sure they take a good picture. Mom and Miss Janet are always talking about how awful their pics are so it must be a big deal. _

_The next time I talk to you, you'll be 14. Wow. You're so old. HA! _

_Happy birthday Bella._

_Edward_

_P.S. watch the mail._

I laughed at loud at the thought of Edward attending a school dance. After being forced to take ballet lessons for so long, he loathed any form of dance. Of course watching Emmett try to dance and impress the girls would be worth the price of admission but I knew that my shy and serous friend would still be unhappy about attending. I wished that I was going to be there. I've never gone to a school dance and but if I were in Forks, I'd definitely go with Edward. I couldn't wait to hear about ballet camp. I'm sure that I would get a full report and couldn't wait until Sunday so I could speak to him.

Feeling much better about my day, I decided to wander downstairs to check the mail and maybe treat myself to a pre-birthday doughnut. _Suck on that Renee. _

"It was awful Bella. The whole thing came down. I was so mad at Miss Annie for making me do it after I told her that it wasn't going to end well." I was laughing so hard at his story. True to his word, Edward had called me the minute he'd gotten home from camp. He was currently telling me how he'd single handedly ruined the end of camp celebration when he'd misjudged a jump and landed on top of a portion of the stage set, a giant tree made out of chicken wire and papier-mâché.

"They're lucky it landed on Emmett because it would have killed anyone else." I laughed harder at the new imagery.

"I'm serious Bella, I could be calling you from jail. Do you think they'd still let me take advanced classes in lockup?" His tone was serious, but I couldn't stop laughing.

"Bella!" I could almost feel his glare through the phone.

"Ok, ok," I took a deep breath trying to regain my composure.

"First, I doubt very much a papier-mâché tree would kill anyone." He snorted his disbelief into the phone; I had to stifle another giggle. "And even if you did manage to hurt someone, there's no way you would be held responsible for it much less actually sent to jail."

"You don't know that."

"Edward." It was my turn to use a serious tone.

"Ok, maybe you're right. But Emmett was really ticked off. You should have seen it. We were picking pieces of shredded tree out of his hair and clothes all the way home and dad almost had to give him stitches for one of the cuts. I thought he was going to cry."

"Really?" I'd seen Emmett get in and out of a lot of scrapes over the summer but not once did I remember the big bear actually crying.

"Well maybe not cry. But his lips quivered a few times." Edward's laughter rang out over the line. "And dad got the whole thing on tape. I mean the whole thing! He didn't stop taping until mom made him check Em's cuts. It was hilarious. We'll have to watch it when you come home for Thanksgiving."

I winced when he mentioned me going back to Forks for Thanksgiving. There had been no mention of me visiting for the holidays. So I did the only thing I could do, I dodged it.

"Yeah, the next time I'm back we'll definitely have to watch." Even though Edward couldn't see how my face blotched over my deliberate dodge, I hung my head low and diverted my eyes. I stared at my god awful comforter as I waited for his reply.

"Ok." He answered his voice deep and sad. He knew I wasn't able to commit to going home anytime soon.

"So, what does it feel like to be 14 years old?" He finally broke the silence.

"Um, the same as being 13." My birthday had passed with a phone call from Charlie, Aunt Janet, Phil and a quick "Happy Birthday Bella" scrawled on the kitchen message board above a note from Renee saying that she would be out most of the day. She was gone all day.

"Really?" He sounded disappointed.

"What did you think was going to happen?"

"I don't know. Emmett nearly doubled in size when he turned 14 and started growing hair in weird places."

"TMI Edward, TMI!" Our laughter mingled over the phone lines.

"Nothing changed for me. I had a nice quiet day doing exactly what I wanted." That was not a lie. With Phil in Denver finishing up a series with the Rockies and mom attending her mother/daughter luncheon, solo, I had the house to myself. I'd watched movies, ate popcorn and read. That reminded me I needed to thank Edward for his gift.

"Thank you for the book and movie." Edward had sent me the new Stephen King and the Princess Bride on DVD.

"You're welcome. You didn't already have them right?"

"No. I love them and I've already started reading the book and watched the movie."

"Good. Mom wanted me to send you that series about the vampires and werewolves but I thought you'd prefer the Stephen King." Aunt Janet had actually sent me that series along with a beginners cook book. I had made fun of the books at the beginning of the summer but after seeing the movie, I'd changed my opinion and was actually looking forward to reading the books.

"I love them Edward."

We ended the call with a promise to talk soon.

"So then, dad got the hose out and started spraying everyone while Emmett chased them around with a wooden sword." Edward was relaying how the Cullen's had dealt with a group of would be Halloween pranksters. "I don't know who was more scared, the guys with the eggs or my dad. He was terrified that Emmett was actually going to hurt someone. You should have seen Em's face when dad turned the hose on him. He got him right in the crotch," Edward's voice dropped as he whispered the word _crotch_. " it looked like he'd wet himself! Everyone stopped what they were doing and laughed at him. He dropped the sword and ran into the house screaming for mom."

"You're kidding!" I laughed.

"No. It really happened."

"Oh wow I'd wished I'd been there to see that." I wiped the tears from my eyes. I'd spent the night handing out candy and watching a Halloween marathon with Phil. It had been a good night in my book but after hearing how the Cullen's had spent the night, I was wishing I'd been in Forks.

"I wish you had been here too." Our laughter died out as the impact of what he'd said hit both of us. I thought it would get easier to be away from him as time passed.

But it hadn't.

My school situation was the same as always. The bullies had taken a short break when football season started. Our school had adopted a "No Tolerance" rule for bullying. Which was laughable as it really did nothing to stop the bullying, it only slowed them down as they'd been afraid of getting caught and kicked off the team. But Halloween marked the end of that respite and I was fair game until basketball started after the Christmas break.

There were a couple highlights. Phil was now home for the off season so our movie nights were back on. And the upcoming holiday season meant that so Renee was gone a lot to planning meetings leaving me and Phil to fend for ourselves.

I loved it.

Thanksgiving passed without a return trip to Forks. I spent the day at home watching football with Phil. Thanks to several phone calls to Aunt Janet, I'd managed to cook a small turkey, cornbread stuffing, sweet potato casserole and gravy. Phil helped with the relish tray and he was in charge of making sure the Pillsbury croissants didn't burn. Renee wandered down right as we were sitting down to eat. She said very little but managed to eat some turkey and vegetables before leaving the table to return to her so very important party planning.

All in all, a good day.

"What did your mom say after he ate the pies?"

"Oh man, he got middle named and then sent to his room." Edward had called to wish me a happy Thanksgiving and was now telling me how Emmett had been banished for going crazy in a low blood sugar frenzy and ate both pies that had been set aside for the family meal. "Dad tried to smooth it over by claiming that it was his hormones or something like that but mom just got madder and then after the sugar hit Em, man he went crazy Bella. It was like watching a puppy on crack I mean he was running around in circles and I think I might have even been foaming at the mouth a little."

I really wished I had been there.

Christmas was spent in Wichita, KS with Phil's parents, Margie and Tom. They were lovely people who treated me like I was their blood relation. I was the oldest of the 'grandchildren'. I spent the day running after Phil's nieces and nephews, Tyler, Max, Alex, Ella and Chelsea. We played with Barbie dolls, Nerf guns and Legos. The big house was filled with laughter, fun and acceptance. Renee of course quietly disapproved of everything but she knew to hold her tongue in front of Phil so I was allowed to spend my holiday doing whatever I wanted which included eating the delicious treats that Margie had prepared and wearing my brand new hoodie that had the face of the vampire guy from the film my aunt had taken Edward and I too last summer on the front. Phil's sister, 'Aunt Brenda' had given it to me. It was dark and slouchy and I loved it. Aunt B said that all of the girls in her 8th grade homeroom class were crazy about him so she figured I would like it too. It didn't escape my knowledge that quite often I would catch her staring at the shirt and smiling.

"I can't believe we're this close and I can't figure out a way for us to see each other." Edward was thoroughly upset that his big brain couldn't come up with a way to erase the 700 miles separating us.

"Emmett has his learners permit but when grandpa caught us looking up the route and putting air in the tires of his Cadillac, mom demanded that he hand it over and we're now banned from going into the garage while we're here." He whined.

"You were going to have Emmett drive you here?" I scoffed in disbelief.

"Well…"

"Edward, that's crazy. You guys could have been killed." I couldn't believe that someone who was supposed to be a genius would think that it was OK to get into a car with their 15 year old brother and drive from Chicago to Wichita with no adult supervision.

"I looked it up on mapquest and it looked like a pretty simple trip. What's the big deal?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"The big deal is one, it's illegal and two, well, I don't need another reason Edward. The last thing anyone should be doing is getting into a car with your brother at the wheel." Seriously, watching Emmett ride a bike was scary enough. I couldn't imagine that big goof behind the wheel of an automobile.

"I had it all planned out. It's only an 11 hour drive." I could hear the determination in his voice, it worried me.

"Edward, as much as I want to see you guys, I don't want you to do anything as crazy as that. Promise me you won't try to do something like that again."

"Fine!" He pouted. "I just wanted to be around a normal girl for a change."

I laughed out loud. Ever since Edward had been made to attend the Fall Harvest party in October, he'd been receiving attention from some of the girls in his school. Attention that according to Edward was unwanted and a little scary.

"Are you still getting the letters?" I asked.

"Yes. Now they're stuffing them into my locker." He huffed.

"Are they still anonymous?" I heard his heavy sigh and I guessed the answer was yes.

"Bella, they talk about what colors bring out my eyes and… I don't know just stupid stuff." I could just imagine him running his hands through his hair like he always did when he was frustrated or worried.

"Well just hang in there only five more months."

"May right?"

"May." I promised.

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><p>I hope you like this chapter. The next one takes us back to Forks. Who is up for a Bella and Edward reunion?<p>

Thank you for reading- ruinedbyrob


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Stephenie still owns it all and I still want it! **

**Much love to my beta, Mullet86. I'd break out into a chorus of, 'Wind Beneath My Wings' but no one wants to hear that. So without further ado...**

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

Chapter 9

They say that for a kid the longest part of the year starts December 26th and lasts until the morning of December 25th. But for me the longest part of the year was waiting for May 23rd to finally get here. School let out on the 20th and my flight for Forks left Sky Harbor at 10 AM on Monday the 23rd. Renee and I didn't even have to haggle about my departure date. Before I could even broach the subject, she had me booked on the first plane out of Phoenix headed to Seattle. I guess she'd enjoyed traveling with Phil so much the previous summer that she couldn't wait to leave and get on the road this year. I'd also successfully avoided the spectacle of her pretending to be sad that I was leaving. Phil was on a three day road trip to play the Colorado Rockies, so we'd said our goodbyes over the phone the night before, leaving Renee free to pull up to the curb of the terminal and just drop me off without having to put on a show for Phil. With a quick, "bye mom" and a wave, I grabbed my bags and headed into the terminal. Two plane changes and five hours later, I was landing in Port Angeles. My welcoming committee would be smaller this time. Fork's schools were still in session until that Friday so it would just be Charlie picking me up. Edward would come to Aunt Janet's as soon as school let out. I couldn't wait to see my best friend again.

A year ago I would've been terrified to spend an hour in the car alone with him, but after last summer, I was confident that we would be able to survive the ride home.

Home.

I smiled at the word. Even though Phoenix was where I attended school and lived for nine months out of the year, Forks was home.

As soon as the gear touched down on the runway in Port Angeles, I had my seatbelt off and my back pack zipped up and ready to go. I watched the taxiway markers drift by through the window as I impatiently drummed my fingers against the arm rest. I was out of my seat and maneuvering my bulk down the narrow aisle towards the door before the attendant even had the door open. I heard a muffled "Enjoy your stay in Forks" as I speed walked down the jet way. Charlie and I had already arranged to meet at the luggage carousel so I headed there after a quick stop in the restroom.

"Bells over here." My eyes quickly found Charlie standing in his uniform by the door with my two bags already at his feet.

"Hi Charlie" I waved and made my way over to him. We exchanged a quick hug and proceeded out the glass door. I quickly spotted Charlie's squad car parked at the curb.

"Sorry kid, your aunt needed her car today. You're stuck with the cruiser." He opened the back door and placed my bags into the back seat.

"That's OK. I don't mind riding in the cruiser." I smiled at him and got into the front seat. I was sincere about not caring. It didn't matter how I got to Forks, as long as I got there. I would've ridden in the bucket of a tractor if it were the only mode of transportation available to take me to Edward. Charlie nodded and got into the car. With a click of his seatbelt, we were on our way.

The ride was silent and that was OK. Neither of us felt the need to fill silence with chatter. That was a trait I shared with my father.

"For crap sakes Bella, lean back. You're going to hurt your neck."

"Geez, you in hurry or something?" He chuckled as I smiled sheepishly and leaned back in my seat. I'd been bent forward in a power crouch urging the car to move faster along the highway. I briefly wondered if Charlie would consider abusing his power and turning on the siren, allowing us to erase the miles between us and home much faster than our current achingly slow and legal speed of 65 MPH. My fingers tapped nervously on the seat rest in anticipation.

"So, how have you been?"

"Good." I answered absently staring out the window at the glorious green of the Washington countryside. I'd only been gone nine months but the lushness of the scenery took me by surprise with its beauty. I let my mind wander as I stared at the brilliantly green blurs.

"So what do you think?" Charlie's question startled me from my tree watching.

"Huh?" Was my eloquent response.

"I asked if you wanted to skip going to your aunt's house tonight. We could order a pizza and watch the game. Just the two of us." I stared at my father not knowing how to tell him that the last thing I wanted to do was bypass my aunt's house to sit on old his plaid couch eating bad pizza and watching baseball. Not that I didn't like baseball, quite the opposite. It was the one sport that I really enjoyed to watch. It was also the one sport that I wasn't completely useless at. Phil gave me a baseball mitt when I was 11 and whenever he was home we always found time to play catch. He's even taken me to the batting cages a few times.

But the Mariner's weren't a big enough draw to make me miss seeing Edward as soon as I possibly could.

"Um, if it's alright with you, I think I'd like to go to Aunt Janet's tonight." I tried to project a face that didn't scream, 'Drive faster and leave me alone so I can be with my best friend.'

Charlie shifted uncomfortably in his seat and asked, "Do you need me to find you a restroom?" Ok, so apparently my 'Drive faster and leave me alone so I can be with my best friend.' face looked an awful lot like my, 'I need to urinate face.' Good to know.

I forced the muscles in my face to relax and tried again. "No, I'm ok. I just really want to see Aunt Janet." Let's try this again shall we?

"Ok. I guess we can do the whole father/daughter bonding thing later." _Father,bonding…Say what?_

Once again, my face must have relayed more information than I wanted to give away, "Don't look so surprised. I kinda want to spend more time with you." He chuckled softly, causing his thick moustache to twitch. He looked at me before shrugging once again focusing on the wet road.

I stared at the man next to me with my mouth hanging open. Who was this man and what did he do with my father?

He wanted to spend time with me? He wanted to bond with me? I didn't know what to say. Up until last summer, Charlie had been someone that I spoke to on the phone on Christmas and my birthday. I briefly wondered if maybe after this visit he might become 'dad' instead of 'Charlie'

"Bella!" I smiled as my aunt's arms engulfed me into a tight hug. Her scent of vanilla and warm sugar, is in a word, heavenly.

"I'm so happy to have you back home. Let me look at you." She stood back and held my hands out in front of her. "Sweetheart, you look wonderful." She let go of my hands and hugged me again.

"Hi Aunt Janet." I answered with a huge smile on my face and returned her hug wholeheartedly.

"Are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you need any laundry done?"

I had to chuckle at my aunt's excitement. "For crying out loud Janet, laundry? She just got here. What laundry could she possibly have?" Charlie laughed as he pushed past her to make his way towards the kitchen. "Is that the heavenly scent of cranberry and white chocolate chip cookies I smell?"

"Charlie, don't you touch them, those are for Bella." She yelled down the hallway at my father's quickly retreating form.

"C'mon sweetie, we better get in there or he'll eat every last one." She grabbed my hand and we proceeded down the hall into the kitchen where Charlie was hunched over the sink eating cookies with both hands.

"Charles Xavier Swan. I told you those were for Bella." Aunt Janet admonished her brother before walking over to the counter and forcibly removing the platter of cookies from his grasp. But not before he was able to filch several more from the dwindling pile.

"Theesh are weewly gwood." Crumbs fell from his lips as he spoke, but his mouth was so full of cookie I could barely understand what he was saying.

"For goodness sakes Charlie, don't talk with your mouth full. You'll choke." I sat down in the chair she held out for me and took a cookie off the offered plate.

"Milk?" I nodded as she grabbed a glass and headed towards the refrigerator. Charlie was right, these cookies were really good.

"These are great Aunt Janet." Crumbs fell to the table, I swept them up quickly with a napkin. I was as bad as Charlie.

"I'm glad you like them sweetie." She set down a cold glass of milk in front of me. I took a big drink and smiled up at her; she kissed my head and took the seat across the table from me.

"So, how have you been?"

"OK." I say quickly and take another drink of milk before wiping my mouth with my sleeve. I knew she wouldn't be satisfied with that answer for long. But I was in no hurry to tell her how on the very first day of school, the bullies started right up where they'd left off, how I'd still eaten lunch alone all year, how Renee had sent a car service to pick me up at the airport when I came home and hadn't even acknowledged my birthday in September or how I'd been counting down the days since I left before I could return to Forks.

It turns out I didn't need to tell her.

She knew.

"OK huh?" She questioned with a raised eyebrow. I nodded softly. "Well, we'll just have to work hard to make sure that this summer is better than 'OK' now won't we?"

I couldn't look away from her eyes. She had me in that weird aunt tractor beam where you knew that she could see right through your cleverly crafted façade down to your exposed, soft underbelly.

She waited silently for my agreement. "Yes, we will." I answered honestly.

"Good girl."

"Do I get a glass of milk too?" Charlie questioned from his position at the sink.

Aunt Janet and I laughed as chunks of cookie fell off his moustache to land on the pristine floor.

"Milk? I'll tell you what, you clean your mess up," she pointed to the now crumb ridden floor. "and I'll get you a glass. How about that?" Charlie's cheeks reddened as he surveyed his mess.

"Deal." I watched quietly as the brother and sister duo joked with each other and cleaned up the crumbs.

The ticking of the kitchen clock reminded me that Edward's school had just gotten out and if I knew anything about Emmett Cullen, the smell of fresh cookies would draw him to the house in less than 10 minutes.

"The boys will be here soon." My aunt's voice echoed my thoughts. "Leave some cookies for them Charlie." I giggled at the look of despair on his face when she once again removed the plate of cookies from his reach.

"Those cookies are too good for kids anyway." My father muttered as he watched the cranberry discs walk away from him.

"What did you say?" Aunt Janet's eyes were twinkling.

"Nothing." He mumbled. "I guess I better get back to work." He announced and pushed away from the counter heading for the exit. "I take it that you're going to want to stay here tonight?"

"If that's OK." I asked.

"Bella, your room is ready and waiting." My aunt smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

"Are you sure it's OK?" I was not used to people actually wanting me to be with them.

"You're always welcome here."

"I don't want to be any trouble."

"Seriously? You realize that I live with a fifteen year old boy and routinely play hostess to a slew of other teenage boys. Honey, you'll be a treat to have around."

We beamed at each other.

"Women." Charlie muttered and walked out of the kitchen.

I lugged my luggage upstairs to my room, pausing on the stairs to look at a new picture on the wall. Along with pictures of Jasper growing up and countless Whitlock holiday pics, there was a picture of me. Well, not just me, but a photo of Aunt Janet, Jasper and me out on the back deck. I barely remembered the day photo was taken, but the smile on my face was undisguised and as brilliant as the sun that was shining behind us.

I pushed open the door to my room where I was met with the calming tones of lavender and sage. Unlike my mother who took my absence last summer as an opportunity to completely alter my bedroom into a space that not only didn't reflect my tastes at all, but on occasion actually burned my retinas, my aunt had kept my little slice of heaven exactly the way I'd left it nine months ago.

I plunked my luggage down onto the bed and unzipped it to unpack a few things before…

"I smell cookies!" Emmett's booming voice rang out from downstairs. I dropped the fuzzy pink socks I was holding and hurried out of my room to find the boys.

"Stumble B!" Emmett's voice rang out in the kitchen as I walked in to the room. If I thought the mess Charlie had made on the floor was bad, Emmett had put him to shame. He'd been in the house for mere minutes and there was already a pile of cookie crumbs at his feet.

"Hi Emmett." I was barely in the doorway before I was crunched into his solid shoulder. My greeting came out more like, "Fi Emmeth." No one hugged as tightly as Emmett Michael Cullen. Despite being squeezed like a lemon, I twisted my head around, stealthily looked around the kitchen for Edward.

"He's not here Bella." My cousin informed me, chuckling as he stuffed his face with cookies. I guess I'm not as stealthy as I thought.

"Emmett, let her go. Her face is getting all red." Aunt Janet admonished from her position at the sink. She gave me a smile before turning back to washing the vegetables we'd be having with the dinner.

"Ooops, sorry B." Emmett unwrapped his vice like arms from my squishy body and gave me a dimpled grin before taking a seat at the table beside Jasper. They both went back to eating the cookies, leaving me waiting impatiently for an explanation for why Edward was not here in this room standing next to me.

I glanced at the clock again. It was nearly four o'clock. Where was he? I looked back towards the table, both boys were talking animatedly about their day and my aunt was now busying herself with drying dishes. I should have gone over and helped her, but I was feeling a little sullen, so instead I took the seat across from Emmett and my cousin.

"So what did she say then?" Jasper questioned, his eyes were wide as he waited for Em's answer.

"Dude, she said that I could call her." Both boys broke out into huge grins.

Oh great, not only was my best friend awol, but the two friends I was left with were talking about girls. I resisted banging my head on the table as they continued to chat like a couple of little girls at a tea party. All that was missing were the pink feather boas and plastic tiaras. I giggled at the mental image of bear boy wrapped in a feathered boa with a jeweled tiara sitting atop his dark hair.

"What's so funny over there B?" _Crap!_

I was barely able to utter, "Nothing." before being consumed by another fit of giggles as the image of Jasper in sparkly nail polish sipping out of a child's tea cup assaulted my brain.

My cousin's eyes narrowed as he took in my shaking frame. "I don't know it sounded pretty funny. Why don't you share?"

I shook my head no and willed myself to stop laughing but then Emmett knocked over his glass of milk and squealed like a little girl when the cold liquid hit his lap. I went from giggling to full on belly laughs when he started hopping around screaming. "It's cold, it's cold!" Aunt Janet rushed from the sink with a couple of dish towels, handing one to bear boy before leaning down to clean the floor.

"Emmett, stop jumping around, you're getting milk all over the place." Emmett stopped moving at my aunt's command.

"Hmm, maybe if you'd continued with your dancing you could have leaped away gracefully instead of looking like you wet your pants." I stopped watching the show in front of me at the sound of his voice.

"Edward!" I exclaimed and rushed towards the smirking boy in the doorway.

We hugged like it had been nine years, not the nine months since we'd last seen each other. As we hugged, I was aware of the physical changes that had affected my best friend in my absence. When I'd left last fall, he was shorter than me. But as I pulled back to get a good look at him, I was surprised to see that I was staring right into his eyes, eyes that were no longer covered by round discs of glass. Not only had he gotten taller, but he'd also gotten rid of his glasses.

"Surprised?" _Didn't it show on my face? Every other emotion I've ever had does._

"Um, ah, yeah." I stammered, stepping back to look at him.

Edward smiled and winked. Winked? Since when did my Edward wink?

"Ow, darn contacts." His eye contorted into another wink before he stuck his finger in his eye. Ahh, that made more sense. The lens was bothering him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I motioned to his eyes.

"I wanted to surprise you. Mom took me to my fitting after school today. Hey, are those cookies?" Just like the other two boys, Edward was drawn to the plate of baked goods.

I guess that explains where he's been.

I was left to stare silently at my friend as he walked towards the table. Besides the contacts and the added inches of height, there was something else different about him. But I couldn't put my finger on it. His hair was still the weird brownish red color that was similar to his mom's, his eyes were still the color of moss and he still had freckles covering his nose. But those cute sun spots had mostly faded and were now more like an all over tan. Even the way his t-shirt fitted him was different. It seemed to mold more to his body than I remembered.

"Come sit by me Bella." Edward beckoned me and pulled out the chair I'd just recently vacated. He passed me the cookie plate and I absently took one, only to set it down on the napkin in front of me. I sat silently as all three boys started going over their day.

"Was it just me or did the pizza taste funny at lunch?"

"It was just you." Edward and Jasper said at the same time and laughed when Emmett grimaced and rubbed his stomach.

"Did you get the notes from science?"

"Yes."

"Did you remember to turn in our history project?"

"Yes. How did you do on the algebra test?"

"A+ How about you?"

"B+" Jasper answered with a proud smile. "Thanks for the help." Edward nodded back at Jas and scooted closer to me. For a minute I'd hoped that we would have a chance to talk but he continued talking to Emmett and Jasper. I slumped back into my chair, feeling out of place. Like a puzzle piece that didn't fit. Last summer the two older boys were not at all happy about sharing classes with the younger Edward, much less including him in their conversations. But now they were also studying with him?

_When did this happen?_

"That English final is going to kill me."

"It wouldn't be so bad if you'd do the readings." Emmett glared at his little brother's snide comment.

Emmett's face quickly went from annoyance to excitement. "Oh my god, what did you think about Miss. Petra in art class? That shirt was unreal. I can't believe we could see her tits!" Emmett's outburst stopped all other conversation and caused Aunt Janet to walk swiftly into the kitchen from the laundry room; her hands were full of fluffy neatly folded towels.

"You saw what Emmett?" All three boys stiffened at her tone and lowered their eyes to the table. I watched in amazement as the tips of Emmett's ears glowed bright red. I wondered if that's what I looked like when I blushed. No wonder people laughed. I fiddled nervously with my napkin as she questioned the boys.

"Emmett? Edward? " She slowly looked at each boy in turn, both of them kept their eyes and head down, successfully avoiding her heated gaze.

"Jasper?" I watched stunned as she turned her full attention to her son. Edward kept his eyes down but I could see the pink tinge to his cheeks. Had he gotten an eyeful of the teacher's breasts too?

"Um…"Jasper's Adam's apple moved quickly as he gulped. He was stuck in the mom tractor beam like a deer in the headlights and Aunt Janet was driving an eighteen wheeler. I'd always heard the expression, 'eyes as big as saucers' but I'd never witnessed it in person. My cousin's eyes seemed to widen to at least three times their normal size as he stared in horrified silence at his mother's question.

"What did you see, son?" I guess she was thinking that her son may have lost his ability to understand the English language because Aunt Janet spoke very slowly and enunciated each word clearly. And judging from the two other mute males at the table, I wasn't sure she was wrong.

Jasper sat still as stone. Emmett's eyes met mine as he looked over at Edward but quickly returned to his lap.

"Boys." All three boys looked to her. "Whatever it was you _think _you saw_,_that kind of language is neither appropriate nor appreciated and I will ask you to refrain from using it in this house, especially with a young lady present." My aunt received quick head nods of acknowledgement from all three boys. Satisfied that her point had been made, she released Jasper from her paralyzing gaze and left the room. As she walked past me I could swear I heard her mumble, "Little tart thinks she can flash my 15 year old son her 40 something boobs. Oh hell no!" under her breath

Emmett exhaled loudly, "Holy shit Jasper, your mom is scary!"

Jasper punched Emmett's arm. "What did you think she was going to say? You were talking about our teacher's boobs."

"Damn _Jasmine_, lighten up a little. I didn't know she could hear us." Emmett winced and rubbed the red mark Jasper's fist had left on his bicep.

"It doesn't matter Em, Bella was here."

Emmett, pointed a finger at Edward, "You need to get a grip too _Edwina_." Edward's eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared at Emmett's slam. I watched the camaraderie they'd just been sharing melt away to be replaced with the normal adolescent male hostility I was used to seeing between the two brothers.

"Besides you don't care do you B?" Jasper and Edward watched as I quickly shook my head no.

"See?" Emmett grabbed his empty glass and carried it over to the sink, ending anymore discussion of their art teacher's chest.

"You're such an idiot." Edward mumbled under his breath. Now, this is the Edward that I know.

Emmett flipped his brother the middle finger. "Hey J, can I get those science notes?" Jasper nodded and they left Edward and me alone in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry about that Bella." Edward half smiled.

"It's Ok, really." I could care less if Emmett wanted to run naked through the streets of Forks as long as it meant I got to have a little alone time with his brother.

"No, it's not but you know how Em is." Yeah, I did and I knew that my earlier musings about him running naked through the streets would eventually come to fruition. I just hoped I didn't have the misfortune of being around when he crossed streaking off his bucket list.

An awkward silence fell over the room. I'd been counting down the minutes until I could see my best friend again and yet here I sat, silent.

"So how was your flight? Did you have to share a seat with anyone?" Edward knew about my seat sharing fear. I hated the thought of being squashed into a seat and possibly overflowing into the seat next to me.

"No. I got to sit alone."

"Good." More silence.

"So, contacts huh?" I asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, I thought it would be easier than trying to play in glasses." Play? Play what? The only games I knew Edward played on any kind of regular basis were Halo, Mario Kart and Monopoly. Wearing glasses shouldn't have been a concern.

"Play what?"

"Baseball silly." He chuckled and stood up to take his dishes to the sink. Baseball? Since when did Edward play baseball?

I turned to watch him at the sink. "Since when do you play baseball?" I knew that he'd loved to watch the game. We'd spent many afternoons watching games last summer. Edward was completely transfixed by the game. But Esme had never allowed him to play sports because it interfered with his ballet.

"I don't yet."

"What do you mean by 'yet'?"

Edward's face broke out into a wide smile I'd been waiting nine months to see. I watched him move to sit back down next to me at the table. "I have a plan."

"Are you going to tell me what your plan is?" And also why this is the first I've heard of it? I said that last part silently but I was pretty sure that my face belied my feelings because Edward lowered his eyes and his voice.

"Um, well, I'm going to be the ball boy for the varsity team this summer. I'll take care of their equipment and even get to wear a uniform for the games. The coach says they'll let me practice with them after my duties are finished." His voice raised an octave with his enthusiasm. "I figure by practicing with the big guys all summer, I'll be able to easily make the junior varsity team next year no problem. The coach says I have a lot of potential." He sat up straighter in his chair at his admission of the coach's praise.

He's obviously excited about his 'plan' but all I hear is that he's going to be busy all summer.

This summer? He's going to be gone every day?

I felt my face get warm as a feeling of dread came over me. I was here to spend the summer with my best friend and now he's telling me that I would likely be by myself for most of it? I wanted to crawl under the table.

"Um, Bella?" I let my eyes drift around the room, I couldn't look at him. I didn't want him to see the hurt. I didn't want him to see the disappointment on my face from knowing that he didn't want to spend time with me. That he'd moved on to new friends. He didn't need me anymore and I would be alone. Again.

"Bella stop." Edward commanded. I looked down to see his hand resting over my twiddling thumbs. I pulled my hands away and forced them to my sides. My nervous habit had given away my anxiety and he'd caught it.

He pulled his hand back and sighed. "You don't need to worry." I nodded into my lap, still not brave enough to look him in the eyes.

"Seriously Bella, you don't. Practice is from 3:30 to 5:30 Monday through Thursday with games on Saturdays. And the season is over by the Fourth of July. There may be some tournaments after that but we'll still have plenty of time to hang out."

I knew he was speaking but all I heard was the sound of my loud beating heart.

"You could even help me practice if you wanted. We could play catch or…"

He was interrupted by Emmett's loud call. "Yo bro! We gotta get home." His demand filled the silence that had fallen over us.

Edward slumped back into his chair and ran his hand through his messy hair. Like my thumb twiddling, that gesture was Edward's tell. He was upset. And it was my fault.

"Edward get your leotard wearing butt out here now!" Both of our heads shot up and looked towards the hallway. Emmett was very loud.

"One of these days…" He mumbled under his breath before answering his irritating sibling. "Just a minute Emmett! Geez!' We both knew full well that Emmett wouldn't wait another 60 seconds before he yelled again or came into the kitchen. Edward needed to go home.

The sound of Edward's chair legs scraping on the linoleum echoed in the room. "It's a school night…" I knew that he needed to go but I didn't know what to say. "Practice starts tomorrow; I probably won't be able to see you much this week because of school but…"

"EDWARD!" We both jumped.

"Emmett Cullen, somebody better be bleeding profusely for you to use that tone in my house." I could hear Jasper's laughter from the hallway as his mother berated his best friend.

Aunt Janet came into the kitchen carrying Edward's back pack. "Edward dear, you better get home. Bella will still be here tomorrow." She assured him. He nodded solemnly and took his bag from her outstretched hand.

"Yes Miss Janet." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him give me a quick look before heading towards the door. I kept my head down, staring at my lap.

"Bye Bella." He said softly and with a short wave, he left the room. I thought I was going to be sick as I watched him walk out the door. But the coward in me just let him go.

"Bella, what happened?" My aunt asked from beside my chair.

"Nothing." I whimpered.

I felt her arms pull me into her comforting embrace. "That boy looked like he just lost his best friend." She tipped my head to look into my eyes. "And she looks even worse."

Before I even knew what I was doing, my arms went tightly around her waist and I was sobbing into her apron clad stomach. "He won't even be around this summer. He'll make new friends and he won't need me anymore." I sobbed louder as I let the truth out.

"Sweetie, that won't happen." Her fingers were soothing as she ran them through my hair. Gradually my sobbing tapered off.

Aunt Janet pulled away and sat down in Edward's recently vacated chair. "Bella look at me." I stubbornly refused. "Look at me." She demanded and handed me a napkin. I wiped my eyes with the napkin and lifted my head up to meet her eyes.

"Esme has been trying to turn those boys into ballet dancers since they could walk. Emmett had real talent and showed a lot of promise but, well, I think we both know why Emmett was never going to make it as a professional dancer." I laughed in spite of myself. Emmett's physique was far more suited to being a linebacker for the Seahawks than dancing in the Nutcracker.

"Anyway, when Emmett stopped dancing she set her sights on Edward. Now, I love that boy like my own but he's always had, well, let's just say that he's not the most graceful guy." I nodded at her truthful words. Edward and I both missed out on the graceful gene. She smiled at my acknowledgment before continuing. "Edward is never going to be a professional dancer and he's never wanted to be one. After the debacle at camp this year, his mother saw that she wasn't going to be able to realize her dream of being a professional dancer through either of her sons. A couple weeks ago she finally relented and agreed to allow Edward to quit dance." My eyes widened in surprise. Edward quit dancing? Why didn't he tell me?

Aunt Janet chuckled at my expression. "I suspect he wanted to surprise you." I scoffed. He'd been full of surprises today.

She grabbed my chin and we locked eyes. "Bella, that boy has wanted to play baseball for years. But he's waited for a best friend even longer." She gave my cheeks a soft motherly pat before getting up and finishing her preparations for dinner.

Her words were deliberate and the meaning behind them was clear. I was being selfish. Edward had finally been given a chance to participate in sports, something he's always wanted to do and he'd waited to surprise me with the good news. I should have been happy for him. Instead I allowed myself to fall back into 'poor Bella mode' and my lack of self esteem made me hurt my best friend. He wasn't leaving me behind, he was just moving forward and he wanted me to come with him.

I didn't deserve a friend like him. But I wasn't going to give him up either.

I took a deep cleansing breath and got up from the table. I needed to figure out how I was going to make it up to Edward and a mindless activity would help me get my mind straight.

I walked over the where Aunt Janet was getting the plates out for dinner. "Here, I'll set the table." She handed them to me smiling. I grabbed silverware out of the drawer and started positioning the cutlery and plates on the table. My mood lifted slightly as we chatted while getting dinner on the table. My aunt kept me smiling with her stories of the boy's antics while I'd been gone. She'd commented that Emmett was really going to be a handful once he got his driver's license. I had to stifle the compulsion to tell her how he and Edward had almost stolen their grandfather's car over Christmas to come and see me. No, if she knew that Emmett would be even farther up on her radar. And after the 'boob' incident this afternoon, she was probably already thinking about limiting Jasper's exposure to his influence.

Better to keep that story to myself.

Dinner was filled with laughter and easy conversation. Uncle Mark had hugged me almost as hard as my aunt had when he got home. He said that it would be nice to have a little more estrogen in the house so he wouldn't have to make anymore visits to the mall with his wife.

Aunt Janet threw a pot holder at him. "And who is the one that keeps taking me to Victoria's Secret?"

Jasper choked on his milk and Uncle Mark winked at his wife, "I didn't say that I didn't enjoy the fruits of those trips, I just don't want to have to traipse through all those other stores to get to the good stuff." Aunt Janet blushed and Jasper groaned.

I loved these people.

"Why don't you go upstairs and call Edward before it gets too late?" I stopped drying the plates and looked over to her. "I know you want to fix things."

"I'm not sure how?" I admitted. I'd wracked my brain over dinner but nothing had come to me.

She walked over and took the towel out of my hands. "It's simple really. Your friend is starting a new adventure and you can either let him go it alone or take his hand and join him. You know which choice he wants you to make. You're just scared to admit that you are loveable and that you mean so much to all of us." She grabbed my chin and tilted as the tears started to fall. She quickly wiped them away with her thumbs. "It's true. Now, go upstairs, call that boy and tell him that you just got a new mitt that needs working in."

What was she talking about? I didn't bring my mitt. I opened my mouth to tell her but she stopped me. "You'll have one by tomorrow afternoon." She assured me and with a wink, walked out of the room.

I laid down on my bed and dialed the numbers Aunt Janet had given me. I toyed with the cord as I counted the rings, 1,2,3,4,5… "Hello" It was a deep male voice. I guessed it was Edward's dad Carlisle.

"Is Edward there?" I croaked out. My throat was suddenly parched.

"Bella, Is that you?" I sat up straight against the pillows, "Um, yes."

"Well hello sweetheart. How are you?" His voice sounded so genuine and kind. It reminded me very much like Edward's.

"I'm fine sir. Thank you for asking." Aunt Janet would be so proud of my manners.

"Good to hear. Edward has been so looking forward to your arrival. It's been nearly all he could talk about for the last month." Carlisle laughed softly into the phone. "Were you surprised by his news?"

"Yes sir I was." I answered honestly. Mr. Cullen didn't need to know that I was so surprised that I hadn't reacted very well.

"Good, He's been waiting so long for this chance. I think the coaches were a bit surprised by him too." The pride was undisguised in his voice. I knew that despite Esme not allowing Edward to join a team, he and his dad would play catch and hit the batting cages every chance they got. That realization only made me feel worse about how I reacted at his news.

"It was nice talking to you but I'm sure you didn't call to hear an old man prattle on." Old man? Mr. Cullen was hardly an old man. "Let me get Edward for you."

"Thank you."

"Edward! Bella is on the phone." Through what I guessed was his hand over the phone, I could hear shuffling and then the distinct tone of Emmett ask, "Stumble B is on the phone?"

I smiled when I heard Edward's reply, "She didn't call for you, you big oaf."

"You don't know that Edster. Me and B are tight." There was more shuffling and muffled conversation.

"Give me the phone you turd!"

"Take it twerp." I giggled as the voices turned from actual words to grunts and groans. I could imagine the two boys scuffling over the phone.

Finally I heard Edward say, "Give it here or I'll tell mom about the magazine." Oooh, Edward was bringing out the big guns. He was threatening Emmett with the Playboy we'd found in the tree house last summer. This was a threat that he used sparsely and only when he was really serious.

"You wouldn't."

"Try me!" Edward dared.

There was a moment of silence and I guessed that the boys were probably staring each other down. I knew from experience that Emmett would flinch first. Edward was very stubborn, especially when pushed.

"Take it Eddie, I'll talk to her tomorrow anyway."

I could hear Edward's exasperated sigh as he took whole possession of the phone. "Bella?"

All of the emotions I'd been holding in came rushing out with a croaky, "Hi." Why hadn't I been smart enough to bring water upstairs with me?

"Hi." It was definitely Edward's voice but I didn't recognize the sound of aloofness that was coming through with that lone word. It was however, easy to find the person to blame for the unnatural detachment in his voice. I only had to look in the mirror to find the culprit.

Here you go Bella, here's your chance to say you're sorry. I opened my mouth and willed the words that would fix this problem to fall out. "Um, what are you doing?" I could have slapped myself for how lame that sounded.

"Homework. You?" Dang it, the detachment was still there.

How did you apologize for raining on your best friend's parade because you're a size extra large black cloud?

"I'm about to finish unpacking. Um, so I wanted to ask you a question." I guess you avoid the apology completely.

"OK. What is it?"

"Do you, um, will you come over tomorrow after practice and help me work in my new mitt?" I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, waiting for his answer.

_Please, please understand that I'm apologizing and I'm sorry for being a selfish friend._

His silence was killing me. I pushed through the urge to throw the phone down and hide under the covers.

_Please. Please. Please. _I chanted to myself.

I avoided checking the bedside clock. I didn't want to know how long it was really taking him to answer. Was he waiting for me to say something else? Should I say something else? Couldn't he tell I was sorry? Edward always knew what I was trying to say without me actually having to say the words.

Maybe I needed to actually say the words?

Yeah, I should probably say the words.

I took what I'm sure was an audible deep breath. "Edward, I'm…"

"I'll be over tomorrow after practice. You should work some mink oil into the mitt so it softens a little."

"OK." I nodded enthusiastically in my dark room. I didn't care that I was alone and nodding like a demented bobble head, the detachment and aloofness I'd previously heard in Edward's voice was gone, replaced with the warmth that was all Edward.

"Anything else?" It was all I could think to say to keep him talking.

"Well, a batch of your famous coconut brownies would be nice." I could practically feel his smile through the phone.

"Deal" I would bake all day if that's what he wanted.

"Deal."

* * *

><p>I told Mullet86 that it was damn difficult to get into the mind of a 14 year old girl, even though I used to be one. But she said I did a great job with getting into the minds of adolescent boys. Go figure! How did you all think I did?<p>

Thank you for reading!

ruinedbyrob


	10. Chapter 10

Big hugs to my beta, Mullet86 and to Stephenie for allowing us all to keep playing in the world she created.

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

Chapter 10

My summer in Forks was disappearing quickly. Edward worked with the team nearly every day and much to his delight they allowed him to practice with them once his work was done.

Carlisle hadn't been kidding when he'd said that the coaches were impressed with Edward's ability. He'd proven to be some kind of baseball prodigy.

He was what they called a triple threat. He could run, field and hit. After having seen how accurately and hard he could throw the ball, they'd decided to groom him as a pitcher. Since he was still only fourteen, they had to be careful of damaging his still developing arm. So he was limited to how many pitches he could throw in a day and how long they would allow him to work out in the gym.

None of that mattered to Edward.

The joy I saw on his face after a practice was indescribable. Edward was in heaven when he was at the ball field.

I was in my own heaven every moment we were together.

Just like Edward had promised, when he wasn't at practice we were together.

We'd usually meet up every day around noon. Thanks to Aunt Janet's insistence that we continue with my cooking lessons, I would have lunch waiting by the time Edward would show up. Sometimes he'd come early enough to help cook and other times he and Emmett would show up just in time to wash their hands and sit down before I set the food on the table.

The slamming front door alerted me to the fact that it was noon. Aunt Janet smirked as the Emmett's voice bellowed down the hallway. "Stumble B! We're here and we're starving."

I rolled my eyes as the two boys bounded through the door. They both attempted to enter at the same time so there was a fairly comical moment where their shoulders fought for dominance in the doorway. You'd think that Emmett's wide shoulders would win the contest hands down. But all of the working out with the team had really begun to show in Edward's physique. He was no longer the scrawny little brother.

"Move Edgar" Emmett huffed as he pushed on Edward.

"Why don't you move you big moose?" Edward's face was red with his exertions as he pushed back.

"Boys. That's enough." They both stopped their fighting at my aunt's demand. Edward gave one last push and slid into the room first, leaving a ticked off looking Emmett to stand alone in the doorway.

"Hey B." I smiled at my friend as he took his seat. Ever helpful, Edward immediately began filling everyone's glasses with the fresh lemonade Aunt Janet had sat on the table.

"What's for lunch? I'm starving." Jasper came bounding into the kitchen from the basement where he'd been folding clothes. Aunt Janet believed that there were no 'boy only or girl only chores'; chores were chores and you helped where you were needed regardless of your sex. So in addition to mowing the lawn and trimming the bushes, my cousin also helped with the laundry, did dishes and was in charge of vacuuming. My aunt said his future wife would thank her some day for providing her with such a considerate and well rounded man.

Jasper grabbed Em's arm and pulled the pouting boy into the room with him. They both took their seats around the table.

I put the finishing touches on my spinach and mushroom quiche setting it next to the ham and cheese quiche I'd finished earlier.

"What the heck is this B?" Emmett's nose twitched like a bear sniffing out picnic baskets at a campsite.

"It's quiche, Em." I took my seat next to Edward and fluffed out my napkin.

"Quiche?" His face puckered up like he'd just licked a lemon. "That sounds like girly food. Do I look girly to you, B?" I couldn't help but laugh as he puffed out his chest and folded his arms into the classic 'gun show' pose.

Jasper poked him in the side and Emmett immediately dropped his pose, giggling like the Pillsbury Doughboy. "Yeah Em, you're not girly at all." Edward scoffed, helping himself to a big slice of the spinach and mushroom quiche.

"Seriously, what is this stuff?" Emmett was still suspiciously sniffing both pies.

We ignored him and dug into our food. As the quiche was a high calorie food, I made sure to put a big helping of the fresh fruit salad Aunt Janet had made on my plate, next to the slice of quiche.

"Wow, Bella, this stuff is awesome." Edward exclaimed. While my aunt raised an eyebrow at him for talking with his mouth full, I was all smiles at his appreciation for my food.

"It is really good." I smiled as my cousin added his approval.

Emmett sat silently for a few seconds watching everyone else enjoying their lunch. Finally, he took a small slice of the ham quiche. We pretended to ignore the big boy as he tentatively took a bite.

"Holy cow that's good!" We all laughed at his exclamation. I watched in amazement as his first slice disappears only to be replaced by two more giant helpings.

We ate in silence, everyone clearly enjoying the meal before Emmett once again broke the silence. "Compliments to the chef." He declared, pushing his plate back and patting his clearly full stomach.

Jasper and Edward got up and started to bus the tables. "So I guess you're a fan of quiche now?" Edward asked, forcibly removing Emmett's plate from the bear boy's paws, though not before he was able to use his finger to swipe up the leftover crumbs.

"I don't know about being a fan of quiche, but I sure did enjoy those cheese pies." His eyes twinkled and his giant dimples were displayed on his smiling face.

Edward rolled his eyes, as the rest of us laughed at his brother.

Once the leftovers were put away with large slices set aside for Emmett's afternoon snack, Edward and I wandered upstairs to my room where we had a hot cribbage game going.

Edward had learned to play from his grandfather. And after his passing last summer, he'd felt the need to start playing again. Evidently Emmett had no talent for a game of counting strategy leaving me to be Edward's novice partner.

After losing three out of seven games, I begged Edward to go outside. Seeing as he spent the afternoons playing baseball, he wasn't always in the mood to play catch before practice.

Today he didn't have baseball practice so we decided to ride our bikes around the neighborhood.

"C'mon Swan. Can't you keep up?" _Sure make fun of the fat girl._

I pumped harder on the pedals of my aunt's old bike in vain to try to keep up with the redhead racing ahead of me on his new bike.

Edward had received a fancy dirt bike for his birthday in June. I'd lost track of exactly what made his new bike "awesome" after he'd listed the 19' aluminum frame, Shimano 21-speed drive train and double wall alloy rims. A bike was a bike to me though I was thinking that my aunt could use an upgrade.

"Hey, let's go down to the park." I could only nod at Edward. I was breathing too hard to actually form words.

He was already headed for the swings by the time I got there. I put the kickstand down and followed him.

He was already pumping away on the swings when I joined him. I sat down and started slowly swinging, watching as my friend went higher and higher. After that bike ride, my legs felt like jelly, I didn't have the energy to swing for the stars like he was.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing I just need a minute." He nodded and continued his swinging.

After catching my breath, I started pumping my legs steadily gaining speed and height.

"C'mon Bella." Edward called from the stratosphere.

I gritted my teeth, narrowed my eyes and pumped my chubby legs as fast as I could.

Soon, we were neck and neck. Though I had a suspicion that he may have slowed down a bit so I could catch up.

We swung in for several minutes teasing each other over who could go higher. I had no delusions that Edward would win based on gravity alone, but it was fun to pretend.

In my attempt to outwit Sir Newton, I hadn't noticed that two more bicycles had joined ours at the side of the swing set.

"Hi Edward." The fact that I couldn't see the owner of the shrill and sing-songy voice didn't stop chills from running down my spine at the sound of the offending screech.

"Hey Tanya."

_Well there goes my day. _

"Look Lauren, it's Becca." Feeling fairly safe from my swinging perch, I glared at both of the girls. Hoping they couldn't see me through their dark glasses and shiny hair.

_Stupid shiny and bouncy hair._

They both gave a half wave which I returned with equal disinterest.

"What are you guys doing?"

_Was she serious? Did she not see us on the swings? _

"We're swinging Lauren." I chuckled at Edward's simple answer to her utterly ridiculous question.

Edward paid them no attention but I found my eyes continually darting over to the two girls as they stood at the base of the set whispering to each other behind their hands. I tried to tell myself that they weren't talking about me. But the smirks being thrown in my general direction were hard to ignore.

"Sooo Edward, I saw you playing with the baseball team last week." Tanya twirled a piece of her hair as she cooed.

"You were amazing on the mound." Lauren interjected, copying Tanya's hair twirling move.

_What were they doing?_

"Yeah, Edward, you throw really hard."

"Um, thanks Tanya." Edward answered, perplexed by the sudden attention from the two girls.

"You guys like baseball?"

"Oh sure. Garret is my brother. We go to all of the games. I'm surprised you haven't seen us."

"Yeah, well I'm working at the games. I don't have a lot of time to scan the crowd."

"Garret say's you're a really good pitcher, even better than a lot of the other guys on the team." Tanya beamed at Edward.

_Ugh. I thought I was going to be sick._

"Garret really said that?"

Tanya answered with a slow series of head bobs.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked the ginger-haired blur moving beside me, hoping that the answer would be an emphatic "Yes!"

My question was drowned out by their next little nugget.

"I heard him say that the coaches think you're the future of the team." Lauren chimed in.

_Double ugh.  
><em>

"Really?" Edward asked with a lot more interest than I would've liked to hear in his voice.

_Crap. _

"Oh yeah. He says that you have an arm like a cannon and great accuracy." The sickening sweet tone of Tanya's voice was only mildly less irritating than her taking the ridiculous sunglasses she was wearing off so she could flutter her eyes at Edward.

I'd seen my mother do that to Phil whenever she was trying to smooth a fight over or attempting to get him to buy her an outrageously priced bauble.

_Why would Tanya do that to Edward? _

"Wow. That's cool. Garret has a wicked slider. I'm hoping he'll teach me how to throw it this summer."

Edward had stopped actively swinging. He let gravity slow his momentum as he continued talking to the two girls.

"I could talk to him about it if you'd like." Tanya offered, taking a step forward and jutting her hip out toward us in an exaggerated movement, exposing a little hip skin.

"Um, thanks Tanya, but I think I'd rather I asked him myself."

_Hehe, you hear that T? He doesn't need your help. _

"Ok. Just let me know if you change your mind." She gushed through her heavily glossed lips.

"I will. Thanks again Tanya." My best friend beamed at someone who was most assuredly not my friend.

I'm not sure what exactly I was feeling, but suddenly the thought of Edward paying any attention to them was bothering me.

"Edward, look, I'm beating you."

I had gained enough speed and height that I was yelling down at him from my lofty perch.

"Nice, Bella." He began making up the ground he'd lost wasting time with the snooty sisters.

I smiled as Edward moved his attention back to me and our race for the sky. Soon we were both flying high again.

"You won't be winning for long B!" He laughed.

It didn't escape my attention when Lauren leaned in and whispered something into Tanya's bejewelled ear as we swung.

I pretended not to notice that they kept looking over to Edward and me while they conspired behind their long finger- nailed hands.

Edward, on the other hand was not as adapt as I was at ignoring bullies.

"What are you guys talking about?" He asked with sincere interest.

If both of my hands didn't have a death grip on the chains of my swing and if I weren't ninety percent sure that such a maneuver would end up with me on the ground writhing in pain, I would've reached over and smacked him for engaging the little harpies.

"Oh, I was just telling Tanya that I bet you could jump off the swing and land on your feet."

Lauren giggled while leaning in to hip check Tanya.

"Yeah, I bet that all of the working out you've been doing with the team has really helped your balance."

I swear if Tanya kept twirling her hair like that she'd end up pulling the whole piece right out of her giant blondish head.

_Hmmm, maybe I could give her a hand._

"Actually it has. And I've gotten stronger too." Edward beamed.

From my flimsy rubber seat, I watched in confusion as he quickly flexed his muscles. Was he showing off for her?

_Danger! Danger!_

"Oh, I can see that you have." The girls put their heads together and giggled at his actions.

"So Edward, what do you think? Can you jump from there?"

I had to close my eyes from the glare as Tanya flashed a mouth of artificially white teeth.

"Come on Edward, I bet you can." Lauren chimed in.

I knew that the girl's comments were not as 'innocent' as they wanted Edward to believe. I just couldn't figure out what their game was, but I had a strong feeling that I needed to get _my_ best friend out of here.

"Edward, are you ready to go?" _Please, please say yes._ I chanted silently in my head.

Silence.

Maybe he couldn't hear me over the wind whistling in his ears from the velocity of our swinging.

Or maybe it was the sound of whatever hair product was glopped all over Tanya's hair that crunched loudly as she aggressively continued to twirl and tug at her mane, regardless, I'd lost Edward's attention.

"Come on Edward. Show us your new talents."

_Ugh!_

I watched in disbelief as Edward appeared to gauge the distance to the ground from the swing. He kept looking to the ground and clenching his fists in the chains of the swing.

I never had a head for judging distances. I guess it was a talent you were born with, because I was never able to measure the difference between a foot or two feet when just looking at it.

It could be a thirty foot drop for all I knew.

_I was going to be horrible at parallel parking _

"Edward, no. It's too far. You could get hurt." I shook my head trying to dissuade him from jumping.

"It doesn't look that far." He shrugged at me in his cute Edward way.

"Edward, it's…"

"Jump. Jump. Jump…" The girls began chanting.

We both looked over to Lauren and Tanya. They'd started to clap their hands in time with their chanting. They looked like a couple of overheated, frizzie-haired wannabe cheerleaders.

_I hated cheerleaders._

I stopped swinging, in hopes that Edward would get the hint and stop all of this nonsense so we could leave.

Instead of slowing down and stopping as I'd hoped, Edward picked up speed.

My swing came to a complete stop. I was close enough to the horror twins to hear more of what they were saying.

"I can't believe how good he looks without those horrible glasses" The hair twirler said.

"I know!" Lauren exclaimed.

"We just have to keep scraping off the outer layers to get to the babe hiding under all that nerd." Tanya sneered.

_Nerd?_

"Edward is not a nerd Tanya!" I shot back before thinking. My need to defend my friend overrode my usual habit of keeping my head down around blond headed bullies.

While it appeared that Edward had not heard my outburst, the glares that I received from both girls assured me that they heard what I'd said.

"Exactly why are you here again?" Lauren asked, mockingly.

Tanya returned her attention to Edward, while I was the full recipient of Lauren's unwanted attention.

I kept my head down and watched my shoes rake across the gravel underneath my feet as my swing moved slowly back and forth.

"Don't you have friends back in Florida?"

"Arizona." I stated flatly.

"Whatever. Don't you have friends there you could bother? Why do you have to come to Forks to take up space?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat under Lauren's scrutiny. What she'd said cut right to the core.

I had no one in Arizona.

"Nothing to say Becca? You had plenty to say a minute ago when you eavesdropped on a private conversation."

Out of my peripheral vision, I saw Edward's swing picking up speed. Tanya was now standing in front of the swing set.

The sun was directly overhead, casting long Tanya and Edward sized shadows across the playground.

"You don't have any friends do you?" Lauren jeered.

"Edward is my friend." I all but shouted at her.

One side of her face curled up into an evil half smile. "Sure he is." She turned to smile at Tanya and then looked back at me. "For now."

I didn't have much time to think about what she meant before she walked back to stand next to Tanya.

They both started back up with their chanting to get Edward to jump.

"OK, stand back." Edward yelled. The girls giggled and each took several steps back.

He was really high now. If he were to jump…

I had to think fast. Edward could severely damage himself jumping from that height.

From the stories that Aunt Janet had told me, I knew that Edward was often on the short end of the stick when it came to dares from his brother, but I couldn't figure out why he was even contemplating doing such a reckless thing now.

Especially when the pressure was being applied by two girls that we didn't even like.

"Edward!"

"Yeah B?" He asked, whizzing quickly by on his swing. The look on his face was a cross between determined and apprehensive.

"If you hurt yourself, you won't be able to play baseball for the rest of the summer." I yelled back on his next pass.

_Surely he wouldn't jeopardize playing baseball just to avoid being teased by Tanya and Lauren. _

_He wouldn't. Right? _

"But you won't get hurt will you Edward?" Lauren quickly retorted, throwing a narrow eyed glare my way.

I met Lauren's glare with one of my own.

"Shut up Lauren!"

"Don't listen to her Edward. _I_ know you can do it." Tanya smiled sweetly up at him.

I watched in confusion as Edward smiled back at her.

"Yeah Edward, _we_ have faith in you." Lauren was looking at Edward when she spoke but her words were meant for me.

"Please Edward, for me, please don't jump." The two girls snickered at my pathetic plea.

"It's fine Bella." Edward stated indifferently.

He didn't even look at me when he brushed off my concern.

Before I could utter another word Edward turned back to the girls and jumped.

I watched in horror as Edward's body left his swing.

Once of the lessons I learned early in life and experienced often, was that gravity always wins.

My neck craned towards the sky where the Edward size bird seemed to hover.

I knew that for the moment it appeared that Edward had defied Newton's law; but he wouldn't be able to enjoy his free fall for long.

I heard the gravel of the playground crunch as Sir Newton reclaimed Edbird.

The chains of the swing smacked me in the thighs as I pushed it out of my way in my haste to get to Edward.

I ran to where the girls were huddled over what I was sure was Edward's broken body.

Lauren's stick thin body was easily pushed out of the way to reveal my Edward standing upright, not crumpled and broken as I'd feared.

Not only didn't he appear hurt, but it also looked like he was actually enjoying the attention that Tanya and Lauren were heaping on him.

His head was down but his smile was evident on his red face.

"I knew you could do it!" She exclaimed sweetly while clutching his arm.

"It looks like Edward made a new friend." Lauren whispered as she roughly pushed me out of the way.

For a skinny girl, she has a lot more power than I anticipated.

"See Becca, he's fine. You should have had more faith, like we did." Tanya beamed from her position at Edward's side.

"He's fine alright." Lauren smirked, sidling up to Edward's other side and grabbing his arm.

"Edward, are you OK?" I asked. Ignoring the two girls, I stepped forward to see for myself if he was unharmed.

_No way was I going to take their word for whether my friend was hurt or not._

I gave him a quick visual going over.

He looked intact. There were no gaping wounds or bones sticking out but he could still have internal injuries.

"I'm OK Bella." He assured me with a weak smile.

I opened my mouth to voice my concerns but was interrupted by Tanya.

"That was awesome Edward."

I was astonished to see Edward give a genuine smile at her praise.

"Yeah you looked amazing," Lauren added.

"Really? You guys thought I looked good?" There was something in Edward's voice I hadn't heard before; it was almost as if he were looking for their approval.

Time stood still as I watched Edward allow those two twits ooh and aah over him.

Maybe we'd been out in the sun too long and Edward was suffering from heatstroke. Growing up in Phoenix, I'd seen people afflicted with high fevers from the sickness and I knew that sometimes high fevers made people delirious.

That would explain his ridiculous behavior.

He's demented.

"Edward are you ready to go?"

"Um, I guess." Edward shrugged his shoulders. The smile he'd been sporting during the Tanya and Lauren 'touch fest', slowly faded to an embarrassed frown.

Tanya quickly moved to step in front of me, blocking my view of Edward.

"Don't leave yet." She implored. "Come to my house. My mom made chocolate chip cookies this morning."

I rolled my eyes at Tanya's attempt to lure Edward into her web with cookies.

_Nice try Blondie, but Edward already has a cookie supplier. _

"Cookies?" I took a step to my right and watched in dismay as Edward licked his lips.

"My mom makes amazing cookies."

"She's a great cook." Lauren added.

"What do you think Bella; do you want to go to Tanya's?" Edward sounded a bit uncertain.

Both girls' heads whipped around to me. From the look on Tanya's face, it was clear that the cookie invitation was only extended to Edward.

I was not included.

What choice did I have? I was clearly not being invited to partake in the aforementioned 'amazing cookies.

"I think I'm just going home."

Edward frowned and began rubbing his neck. "Are you sure?"

He looked directly at me; his eyes were wide and honest.

While the other two pairs of eyes were cold and narrow.

Ignoring Tanya and Lauren, I looked straight at Edward and nodded. "Yes. I'm sure."

I turned away from them and went over to where our bikes were parked.

Aunt Janet's old three-speed was a welcome sight.

I kicked off the kickstand and threw my leg over the seat, using every ounce of grace I possessed to not fall and give Tanya or Lauren a chance at humiliating me.

Once I was stable, my feet hit the pedals and I rode across the playground to the exit.

I expected to hear the familiar sounds of Edward following me on his bike when I stopped at the crosswalk.

To my dismay I heard nothing but the normal sounds of a small town neighborhood. Sounds like doors and windows being opened and shut, dogs barking and children at play.

Not the sound of a fourteen year old boy rushing to catch up with his best friend.

Keeping the tears at bay was difficult as I followed the path back home. Luckily, the events of the afternoon left me with so many questions my mind was easily occupied with trying to figure out what the heck had just happened.

Maybe I should have asked him to come home with me, but it never occurred to me that he wouldn't follow.

I had so many questions whirling around in my head.

Was he enjoying their attention?

Lauren and Tanya made it clear to me on my first day in Forks that they were not interested in being my friend. They'd even made fun of Edward's clumsiness and his friendliness toward me.

So why were they being so nice to him now? And what was all that fawning about?

Weren't they doing the same thing to Jasper and Emmett last summer?

Would they use Edward to get close to Emmett?

I would have no problem believing they would do just that, but why go to all of the trouble of watching him play baseball?

I pushed those questions aside to focus on the one that really mattered, why didn't Edward leave with me?

Why had he chosen them over me?

The welcoming sight of my aunt's house came into view just as my legs started turning to jelly and the tell tale sting of salt began assaulting my eyes.

After stowing the bike in the garage, I made my way into the house through the laundry room. Stacks of clean towels and linens piled on top of the washer and dryer were evidence of my cousin's morning activities.

The kitchen smelled of baking and lemons. Looking around I spied a plate of fresh muffins. I grabbed a couple and continued up to my room. I tried to be as quiet as possible knowing that if my highly perceptive aunt caught one look at my face, she'd know that something was wrong and I wanted a chance to collect myself before having to explain why I'd returned alone.

After I was safely behind my closed bedroom door, I consoled myself with lemon poppy seed muffins.

Once I'd licked my fingers and brushed the crumbs off onto the floor, promising myself that I would vacuum later, I allowed the tears to fall, hating myself for being so weak.

I awoke to a soft knock on my door. A quick glance out of my window revealed that I'd fallen asleep and the warm afternoon sun had given way to the cool tones of twilight.

"Bella, are you in there?" My aunt's concerned voice carried through the closed door.

I scrambled across the bed and grabbed some tissues hoping to wipe the tracks of my tears from my face, as well as the evidence of the stolen muffins.

"Sweetheart, I saw my bike back in the garage. I know you're home. Please open the door."

The door wasn't locked. She could've come in at any time, but unlike my mother, Aunt Janet respected my privacy.

With a deep breath, I rolled off my bed and opened the door.

"Are you alright?" I nodded and was rewarded with a soft sigh.

Aunt Janet raised a hand and used her fingers to swipe under my eyes.

"I don't think you are but I'm not going to pry, yet." I offered a weak smile in appreciation.

She dropped her hand and motioned me to follow her down the stairs. I could smell her famous spaghetti sauce and my stomach began to rumble, despite my stolen snack from a couple of hours ago.

We entered the kitchen and she motioned to the plates and glasses set out on the cabinet.

Without another word, I began setting the table.

Dinner was eaten with gusto and plenty of chatter from my normally quiet cousin and uncle. Apparently Mr. Cullen had operated on a relative of one of the owners and in appreciation he'd been given tickets to the Mariners game this weekend.

He'd invited all of us, including Charlie.

I bet Edward was ecstatic.

Jasper cleared the table and filled the dishwasher as I washed the pots. After he finished, he left to go call Emmett and make plans for Saturday's big game.

It wasn't long after he'd left that my aunt came in. She leaned quietly against the counter and started drying the pans.

I knew I only had a moment before she'd start asking questions.

The last pan was dried, the counters were wiped down and the food was put away.

My time was up.

I watched quietly as she walked over to the kitchen table and pulled out two chairs, sitting in one and patting the other one. I sat down with a sigh.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure."

Aunt Janet frowned at my non-committal answer.

"Bella, you promised." I knew she was referencing the promise I'd made to her last summer in the porch swing.

I let the whole day roll out in a rush.

Aunt Janet didn't ask any questions or make any comments. She allowed me to get everything out of my system. After I'd finished, she handed me a napkin to wipe the snot that was leaking from my nose and poured me a glass of water.

The water was soothing as it coated my dry throat.

"Bella sweetie, your mother isn't going to let you stay here anymore if we end every day with you in tears."

I snorted at the assumption that my mother would care. She acknowledged the absurdity of what she'd said with a soft sigh.

"Okay, well let's see if we can fix one problem at a time, starting with Edward."

Suddenly my hands were the most interesting items in the room.

"I think I can explain Edward's actions today." I looked up from my captivating hands.

"I suspect that Edward was showing off a little for the girls."

"Why?"

"Well, it's what boys do."

"But they're mean to him and to me."

With a sigh, she leaned over and tucked me into her side. I sagged into her embrace.

"I know they are and he knows that too. He just forgot."

"When boys reach a certain age, they tend to throw caution to the wind and do stupid things to get a girl's attention. Do you remember the story I told you about your father when he was trying to get your mom's attention?"

"Yes."

"Does that sound like something he would normally do?"

I shook my head and couldn't help but giggle at the vision of my Police Chief father donning a red leather jacket and a sparkly glove to perform 'Billie Jean' at a school assembly.

"He did it to get your mother's attention. She loved Michael Jackson and your dad knew that. So he acted out of character, way out of character. He moon danced across the stage and got the girl."

"So, Edward wants them as friends? They're so mean."

"I don't think he does sweetie, he was probably so excited to have their attention that he didn't stop to think about who they really are."

I was so confused. Edward 'forget' how mean Tanya and Lauren are?

Edward may have had a moment of severe memory loss but that didn't explain Tanya and Lauren's change of heart.

"Why were the girls being nice to him all of a sudden when they were still being mean to me?"

"Ah, well that has to do more with Edward than you."

"Huh?"

Aunt Janet laughed at my less than eloquent question.

"Have you noticed any changes in Edward since you got back?"

"Yeah." I had noticed a few changes. He was taller, he didn't wear his glasses anymore and could out eat Emmett, but he was still just Edward.

"Do these _changes_ make you think of him any differently?"

I shook my head. "No. He's still just Edward to me."

Aunt Janet sighed. "I suspect that Tanya and Lauren have noticed the differences in Edward and they're altering how they treat him because of those changes."

"What difference does it make to them if he doesn't wear glasses anymore?"

"It's not just the glasses Bella. Edward is growing up. He's starting to leave his little boy look behind and he's becoming more mature looking."

"But they called him a nerd."

"They did?"

"Well, they said that there was a babe beneath all of that nerd." I mumbled.

Aunt Janet laughed. I pulled away from her to sit upright in my own chair. Why did she think it was funny that they called him a nerd?

"Bella, don't you see? Those girls find him attractive and they want his attention."

_Attractive? My Edward?_

"Yes Bella, Edward is becoming a very handsome young man." She smiled.

_Crap. Did I say that out loud?_

I felt my face heat up at my aunt calling my best friend handsome. Dr. Cullen was handsome. Edward was, well, Edward.

"You mean they were trying to get him to like them?"

"Exactly. Boys aren't the only ones who will resort to flattery, especially when they can't rely on their personalities to get boys to notice them."

What she said began to make sense. The way they were touching him and telling him how great he looked on the ball field, it was all flattery. And Edward fell for it.

"I would guess that he has no idea why you're upset with him and is probably even more baffled by the attention he received from those girls than you are."

"But he chose to stay with them. He wouldn't leave with me." I pouted.

"You said that he's still 'just Edward' to you. Right?" I nodded.

"Well, I think that he was enjoying being seen as more than 'just Edward'."

The way she said "just Edward" made it sound like a bad thing.

Was I treating him badly? Did I need to flatter him in order to keep him as my friend? Maybe I should start letting him beat me at cribbage and Monopoly more often?

"Bella, don't worry too much about all this." She reached over and smoothed the worry wrinkles that had appeared on my forehead. Her soft touch was like a balm to my overheated brain.

"I bet when you see _your_ Edward tomorrow, everything will be back to normal. Just remember to not lock him out."

"But he hurt me when he wouldn't leave with me and I was scared that he would get hurt when he jumped."

"Tell him that. Let him know how he scared you and that it hurt when he chose to stay at the playground with the girls, but don't hold it in because believe me sweetie, as smart and as sweet as that boy is, he's still a male, and he won't understand what's wrong unless you tell him."

"Okay." I promised.

Aunt Janet smiled and got up from the table and offered her hand to help me up.

"How about us Swans challenge your uncle and Jasper to a game of Wii bowling? I feel like kicking some butt." She winked.

Arm and arm we proceeded down to the family room to kick some Whitlock butt.

* * *

><p>Having never been a teenage boy, I can only guess at how one would act once the hormones might kick in. However, having been a chubby girl with a cute friend that was a boy, I know exactly how she would act. I had no idea that my friend Tony was such a 'babe' until all the other girls started paying attention to him. I lost him to the cute girls once we got to high school. *Sad panda face*<p>

Did you any of you lose a friend to the cute girls?

As always, thank you all for reading and reviewing. You guys are the reason I keep doing all of this.

Wanna know what I'm reading?

Completed stories:

Branching Inward by LifeinTheSnow

Night Must Fall by Katinki

If you haven't yet, put these on alerts. They're all fantastic stories!

The Living Will by 2carm2carm2

Salacious by cutestkidsmom

The Other Side of The Fence by Edward's Eternal

Revolution by knicort3

Happy reading!

ruinedbyrob


	11. Chapter 11

I want to thank my beta Mullet86, for once again cleaning up my messes. She's a real Georgia Peach and I lurve her!

SM owns the originals but these copies are my creations.

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 11**

The day after the swing episode, Edward showed up at the house and as Aunt Janet predicted, he acted as if nothing had happened. She'd advised me to not hold the whole 'swing incident' against him, so I didn't, but it was difficult. Especially when I could swear that he still had chocolate chip cookie breath when he'd come walking into the kitchen the next morning.

"Hey Bella." I grudgingly turned from my skillet to watch a smiling Edward walk into the kitchen with a covered basket.

_Be nice Bella. He's your friend._ _My friend that appeared to have a slight limp?_

"Hi." I'm lucky my face didn't crack with the effort it took to smile and pretend as if my best friend hadn't abandoned me for a pair of long legged snakes.

The need to get everything out in the open about yesterday was eating away at me. The fact that he'd chosen those girls over me, made the acid in my stomach burn.

I hated being angry with him and knew that it was up to me how much I allowed the whole episode to affect me. I guess the bigger problem was that I'd come to rely on him. He listened to me. He made me feel good about myself, he chose to spend time with me instead of others.

At least he did until yesterday.

Long after the talk with my aunt, my brain was still trying to digest the things that the girls had said. Their normal barbs regarding my lack of friends and usual backhanded comments about my weight were easy to understand.

The comments about Edward were not.

"What are you making today?" Lost in my mental musings, I hadn't noticed that Edward was now leaning on the countertop beside me.

Thinking about what my aunt had said regarding changes in Edward's appearance, I snuck a glance at him. He was dressed in his usual board shorts t-shirt and sneakers. I didn't know what Aunt Janet was talking about.

He looked the same to me.

I quickly gave the chicken a quick stir. "Chicken fajitas" Edward's eyes widened, he pushed off the counter and retrieved the basket off the table, setting it down between us on the counter. With a flourish, he removed the cloth to reveal several 'fresh from the garden' tomatoes, onions and green peppers.

"That's why mom had me up at the crack of dawn digging these out of her garden. He grinned and began to pull out the fresh vegetables, laying them out onto the counter. They'd already been cleaned. I would only need to cut them up and throw them in the pan for a quick sauté before adding them to the seasoned chicken.

"Where's Emmett?" I hadn't heard the telltale clomping of his big feet nor his booming voice when heralding his arrival.

"He may not make it today. " I wasn't happy to hear this. I'd been counting on the big dimpled goof's antics to keep my mind off yesterday.

"Is he sick?" I asked worriedly. It wasn't like Emmett to miss one of my meals.

"No, he's getting an eye exam before his test. Mom saw him squinting at the TV last week. She insisted that he get checked or no test. " That made sense. I knew that Emmett had been preparing to take his driver's test so I assumed that's what Edward meant.

"Man I hope he has to have glasses." He stated wistfully. I guess brotherly affection didn't extend to healthy eyes.

"When is his test?" I pulled out a cutting board and began slicing the vegetables.

Edward pulled a knife out of the butcher block and joined me. "Well, he wanted to take it this weekend, but since we're all going to the game on Saturday, mom pushed it to Monday." He dumped the green peppers he'd sliced into the pan with the chicken, onion and tomatoes. I quickly seasoned them and turned the burner down, allowing the flavors to meld a little before I served them.

"I guess we have a couple more days of it being safe to walk outside." Edward chuckled and moved to the sink, rinsing the knife he'd used to cut up the peppers.

I smiled at his joke. Emmett was a hazard to the public when he was just out walking freely. Not for the first time since Emmett became eligible to drive, I shuddered to think what the world would be like once he was behind the wheel of a car with a license to freely wreak havoc on the mobile public.

I watched Edward limp as he started placing the plates and silverware around the table. I'd bet my new jersey that he'd been hurt jumping off the swing, but I bit my tongue knowing it would open the door to the conversation I wasn't supposed to bring up.

"Something smells great." Jasper exclaimed as he walked into the room, pausing to slap Edward on the shoulder. "Hey Edward."

Edward nodded in greeting and took his place at the table. The microwave dinged, telling me that my tortillas were warm. I placed them on the table and turned back to the stove to get the vegetable and chicken mixture.

"Where's mom?" Jasper asked, covering his tortilla with guacamole and cheese. "Pass the chicken, please."

"Since we'll be gone on Saturday for the church's garage sale, she and Mrs. Cope are taking a bunch of clothes to the church today." I passed him the chicken and took the guacamole away before he managed to eat it all and passed it to Edward who smiled widely and put a giant spoonful on top of his mountain of chicken.

I proceeded to doctor up my tortilla with cheese, lettuce and the fresh salsa I'd made this morning. I took a small spoonful of the creamy avocado mixture but abstained from the sour cream.

In between giant bites of chicken fajita, the boys began to talk about the upcoming baseball outing.

"Are you going to bring your glove?" Edward nodded at Jasper's question. His mouth was too full to answer verbally.

"Dad says the seats are fantastic. We'll be able to see the whole field."

"Dude, did you see the game against the Rangers? Our pitching was on fire!" It was Jasper's turn to give an affirmative nod.

I focused on my plate and allowed their conversation to surround me.

The excitement over our upcoming baseball game outing had been the main topic of conversation around the house since it had been announced. Uncle Mark and Jasper went on a shopping trip for 'game gear', and the whole family was now decked out in Mariner's turquoise and white.

They'd even been able to find a jersey in my size. I was proudly wearing #23 in honor of Joe Saunders, a starting pitcher for the team. Joe had previously been a Diamondback and a teammate of Phil's. He'd even been to house a couple of times. I remembered that he had always been kind to me. I was excited to wear his number and to add his jersey to my collection of Phil's.

A snapping of Jasper's fingers in front of my face jolted me out of my little daydream. "Are you?"

"Am I what?" I pushed my cousin's sour cream covered fingers away from my face. Edward laughed from his chair beside me.

"Are you looking forward to the game?" Jasper slumped back into his chair taking a big bite of his fajita, leaving a giant glob of sour cream on the side of his face. Instead of a napkin, he used his sleeve to wipe it off. I frowned at his antics.

He wasn't acting like himself; he was acting more like Emmett.

My aunt would not approve.

"Jasper, use a napkin." He caught the wadded up tissue I'd tossed and laughed.

"So, are you?" I had no idea why it was so important for him to know how I felt but it was obvious that it was.

"Yeah. It'll be fun." I answered truthfully. I enjoyed watching baseball. Especially live at the field.

The boys spoke about random team facts as we finished eating. Not knowing anything about the Mariners, I got up from the table and began clearing the table. "Thanks." I muttered as Edward brought me over his and Jasper's dishes.

The front door slammed and the voice I'd been missing, echoed down the hallway into the kitchen.

"Never fear, Emmett is here!" We all laughed as Emmett suddenly appeared in the doorway.

"Hey, Em." Jasper called in greeting. Emmett charged into the room, taking a seat at the table.

"What did I miss here?" Emmett grabbed a fork and started eating out of the pan.

"Geez, Em, grab a plate. Don't be a pig." Edward admonished, handing his brother a clean plate. Emmett grinned at me and proceeded to build himself a fajita that a full grown Sasquatch would have trouble fitting into his mouth, but would be no problem for a teenage Emmett.

"Edward, what's up with the limp?" Emmett asked his mouth full of food. Edward and I both cringed as pieces of half chewed chicken and vegetables spilled out of his mouth to land on the table.

"Um, I hurt it." Edward answered in an annoyed tone.

"Ah, duh. How did you hurt it?" I tensed at Emmett's question. Leave it to Em to bring up the one topic I wanted to avoid.

"Drop it, Em." Edward delivered more dishes into my sudsy water. Our eyes met briefly before he quickly looked away, but not fast enough. I could clearly see a slight pink tinge to his cheeks.

"Okay. How about we drop that subject and attack another?" I turned to see Emmett smirk at his brother before shoveling in the last of his lunch.

"What subject?" Edward's question may have sounded innocent, but the tone he used was clearly a warning for Em to tread lightly.

A warning that Emmett promptly and predictably ignored.

"Oh, I don't know. Why don't you tell us about your date yesterday?" All heads turned to the red faced Edward.

Edward's hands were balled into fists and the redness that shown clearly on his face was quickly spreading down his neck.

"Edward, you had a date? With who?" I turned back to my washing at Jasper's questions. It was the best I could do without drawing attention to myself.

"It wasn't a date." I didn't have to be looking at him to know that Edward had answered through clenched teeth.

"It sure looked like a date to me. And with two girls no less." Emmett's voice changed, it sounded more aggressive.

I couldn't help but think that something bad was about to happen.

"Two girls? Edward you gotta spill." My hands clenched in the hot water.

"Leave it alone Jasper." _Yes Jasper, please leave it alone._ I silently pleaded for the conversation behind me to end.

"Allow me to fill everybody in." Emmett's voice rose several decibels with his statement. "Yesterday afternoon my baby brother had a date with the beautiful Tanya and fair Lauren."

"Wait, Em, I thought that you were supposed to go out with Tanya Monday after you get your license?" _Uh oh!_

"You are correct Jas, and weren't you planning to ask Lauren to the end of summer dance?" _Double uh oh!_

"Yeah, I was thinking about it." Was my cousin's soft response.

I could actually feel my eyes widen at Emmett's declaration. I turned from the sink to look at the boys. Emmett and Edward were glaring at each other with their arms crossed defensively over their chests while Jasper sat silently in his chair all slumped over looking dejected.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on. To Emmett and Jasper, Edward had moved in on the girls they wanted. And it didn't take a genius to figure out that Emmett was not all happy about his fourteen year old brother spending time with the girl he liked.

_Maybe Emmett would be on my side? _

I pulled out the plug in the sink. The gurgling of the draining water was deafening as the three boys sat silently, staring at each other. Wiping my wet hands on the yellow and blue striped towel, I prepared for my getaway and slowly started making my way towards the door.

I passed behind the stony faced Edward and was almost through the door when my cousin voiced a question I didn't want to answer.

"Hold up. Emmett, I think you're wrong. Edward was with Bella yesterday. Right Bella?" He asked hopefully. My traitorous feet froze in the doorway, halting my exit. "No way was it a date if Bella was with them."

Emmett's eyes flew to mine. "Is that true Bella? Were you there?" Emmett's face was hopeful and for a moment I wanted to lie. I didn't necessarily want Tanya, or Lauren for that matter, near anyone I cared about but it was obvious that Emmett's pride had taken a hit when he'd discovered the girl he'd thought liked him, was also spending time with his little brother.

I looked to Edward for guidance but he lowered his head to stare at the floor. His jaws were clenching furiously like Phil's do when my mother is being more demanding than usual. For a moment, I was taken aback at this quirk. The motion drew my attention to the sharp angle of his jaw.

_Why hadn't I noticed that his cheeks had lost their roundness over the summer and had been replaced with a more defined edge?_

_I wondered what other changes I'd missed_.

"Bella?" Emmett demanded my answer.

I ripped my gaze from Edward and turned to Emmett and blurted out, "I was there for awhile, but I wanted to leave and Edward decided to go with them." _ Enjoy your time under the bus Edward. _

_Crap! _

The hopefulness on Emmett and Jasper's faces faded quickly to be replaced with anger.

"You little turd!" Emmett exploded out of his chair, and took a menacing step towards his brother.

On reflex, Edward stepped back but quickly righted himself and stood up to Emmett's looming figure.

"You don't own her, Em!"

"You know I liked her!"

"Yeah, well she invited _me, not you, _to her house!" Edward taunted and punctuated his point by poking a finger in Emmett's direction.

I tried to shrink into myself as Edward's words caused the bigger boy's face to turn a bright red.

They both had their fists clenched tightly and were breathing hard as they glared at each other.

Sensing the danger, Jasper got out of his chair and walked to stand in front of the two Cullen's.

"Guys, I think we all need to cool down." He held up a hand in front of each boy, as if he could hold them off if one or both decided to attack. "Emmett, your mom will ground your butt if you fight."

"So?" Emmett asked as Edward's breathing picked up.

"So? Think about it. Your mom will cancel your driver's test. You'll be thirty years old before you can go parking with a girl."

We all knew that Mrs. Cullen couldn't really make him wait that long but the realization that the license and any subsequent parking would be on an indefinite hold, was enough of a threat to make the angry boy take a moment to think about his actions.

Emmett took a deep breath and leaned back from Jasper's hand. The tension in my cousin's shoulders relaxed a bit as his big friend seemed to stand down.

As much as Emmett appeared to shrink, Edward looked to be puffing himself up more. His shoulders were back and his spine was ramrod straight, causing his chest to appear larger and more solid. I recognized the posture from the afternoon at the playground. He did the same thing when he was trying to impress the girls. But he wasn't just trying to impress Jasper and Emmett; this was a blatant attempt at dominance.

Jasper turned to Edward. "You need to throttle back too, Edward. Do you really think your mom won't cancel us going to the game Saturday?" Edward's eyes instantly widened.

His jaw visibly clenched as he ground his teeth at Jasper's threat, but he dropped his shoulders and relaxed his stance.

The breath I didn't realize I'd been holding came out in a rush, reminding them that I was still there.

All three boys turned to me while I did my best Felix the cat clock impression, trying to avoid their stares.

"You left Bella?" Emmett's head shot back to his brother.

Jasper turned to stand solidly in front of Edward. His eyes were slanted angrily in a distinctly unlike Jasper kind of way.

"You left Bella _alone_ to go with Tanya and Lauren?" Jasper accused. Even though I should be angry at his assumption that I was some kind of child that needed constant watching, I was both surprised and comforted by my cousin's concern.

Edward's previous bold posturing was long gone as he hunched his shoulders and absently rubbed his toe at a nonexistent spot on my aunt's pristine floor. "She didn't want to come with us." He muttered to his sneaker clad feet.

Emmett snorted at Edward's explanation. "Who could blame her? Tanya is a bitch to Bella. Besides, I doubt very much Tanya's made B feel very welcomed. "

My stunned faced matched Edward's as we absorbed Emmett's words.

Edward's face changed from confusion to anger in seconds. "Whoa hold up." Edward took a step forward to stand in front of both of the other boys. His eyebrows were squished together and a v formed between his eyes and his voice was loud again. Judging from the look on his face, he was clearly as confused over Emmett's statement as I was.

"Didn't you nearly jump me because I had a few cookies with the girl and now you're calling her a bitch?" Emmett shrugged and sat back down into his chair.

"I never said I wanted to braid her hair and get makeovers together, I just want the chance to do a hands on investigation of her rocking bod." He moved his hands around in the shape of an hour glass. "She's a bitch to the tenth power but as long as she keeps her mouth shut, " he cocked his head to the side and shrugged. "I can deal with it."

"Dude." Jasper smirked and leaned over to share a quick fist bump with Emmet, who was smirking as well.

Emmett and Jasper continued to share knowing smirks with each other as Edward looked on perplexed and tense. I leaned heavily on the doorway for support as one clear thought rang through my mind, I don't understand boys.

Edward shook his head with a thinly disguised look of disgust on his face.

"You guys are a bunch of jerks." He sneered at the two smirking fools before walking around to sit on the other side of the table.

"Jerks? And why are we jerks dear brother?"

Edward answered immediately. "Because you guys don't really like Tanya or Lauren, you were only pretending to in order to, to touch their chests!" The indignation was clearly evident in his voice.

Emmett's face suddenly turned serious. I shifted nervously from my place in the doorway, worried that there might be another attempt at a fight as he moved aggressively in his chair to address his brother. "Jerks? You think we're jerks? You're the ass who ditched his best friend so he could go hang out with a couple of chicks that are cruel to her and up until two days ago never had a kind word to say to you either." He leaned forward onto the table and pointed a finger in Edward's face. "Regardless of how much I may want to touch Tanya's boobs, I would never do that to Bella."

My face reddened at Emmett's declaration. Edward had ditched me because he wanted to get her alone so he could touch her chest? Is that what Edward did with her? My stomach felt like I'd eaten a bag of rocks. I could feel the heaviness all the way to my feet. And while I knew that the burning in my stomach was caused by the thought of Edward doing 'that' with Tanya, I couldn't tell you why.

My eyes flicked back to Emmett as he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. "So tell me Edward, who's the real jerk in this situation." His accusatory tone was not lost on his little brother.

Edward's eyes widened and his nostrils flared. "Shut up Emmett." Despite the fact that his face showed the signs of being angry over Emmett's comment, his voice was quiet and controlled.

"Admit it Ed, you're no better than Jasper or me. At least we can admit what we want and we didn't ditch our best friend to get it." Emmett's words hung heavy in the now quiet room. Emmett stared at his brother's lowered head; Jasper looked out the kitchen window while Edward continued to stare intently at the kitchen table, the tips of his ears were red and I recognized the now telltale signs of my friend's agitation in the clenching of his jaw and fists. I moved to leave my perch in the doorway and make my way to my room. It might be considered a bit cowardly to retreat from the scene, but I needed a moment to process what had transpired this morning.

My anger over what Edward had done to me was replaced with confusion over what Emmett had implied Edward's motives for choosing Tanya's chest over me, and just a little sympathy over how Emmett's comments were obviously affecting Edward.

As I turned to make my way upstairs, the sound of the automatic garage door opening halted my movements.

Aunt Janet had returned and not a moment too soon in my opinion. If anyone could make sense of what had happened, it would be her.

All three boys turned their heads toward the door as it swung open revealing my aunt laden down with canvas bags filled with vegetables and fruit. She'd obviously stopped off at the Farmer's Market after leaving the church.

All three boys moved quickly to help her with the bags, no doubt looking for a distraction from the current topic of conversation.

"Whoa guys, I appreciate the help but slow down." I tried not to laugh as she was nearly knocked down in their exuberance to preoccupy themselves from the staring contest they'd been engaged in.

Aunt Janet walked to the counter, eyeing all of us curiously and began emptying the bags. I moved to help her. I took the long way around the table to avoid looking at any of the guys as they'd all silently resumed their seats around the table. "So, what's been happening here this morning?" She asked, handing me a bag of organic carrots and a shiny purple eggplant to put away. I shrugged at her and opened the opened the fridge to deposit the veggies in the appropriate crisper.

"Why are you all so quiet?" The boys all shrugged in unison. I nervously began twiddling my thumbs but stopped as soon as I saw my aunt's eyes widen at my tell. I grabbed the celery, a bag of what looked like baby spinach and stuck my head back into the fridge.

"OK. What did you break?" Her hands were on her hips and her eyes narrowed as she addressed the boys.

"Mom, we didn't break anything. Geez have a little confidence." Her offspring complained.

"Hmmph." My aunt huffed, clearly not believing her son but having no choice to move on as she couldn't find anything broken or missing as she looked around her kitchen.

"My mistake. But something is clearly wrong. Emmett is never this quiet unless something is wrong." Emmett grimaced under her stare.

"Um, we were debating the DH rule." Aunt Janet turned at the sound of my voice. She looked about as surprised to hear my voice as I was.

"Yeah, Emmett and I are for the rule while Bella is on the fence." My cousin spoke up. "Where do you stand, Edward?"

Edward lifted his head and looked around the room; his eyes met mine briefly before he turned to Jasper. "Uh, I can see the benefits from an offensive argument but…"

"So you think it's alright for the pitcher to pretend he's better than the rest of his team by kicking back on the bench eating seeds while everyone else has to expose themselves and take a turn at bat?"

The calm that had descended on the room evaporated with Emmett's statement.

"That's not what I said!" Edward countered loudly.

"Maybe in not so many words…but you have yet to admit that a pitcher has the same agenda as the first basemen or left fielder." The challenge was thinly veiled at best.

"Agenda?" Edward asked.

"Yeah you know, they all have the same goal."

"Which is?"

"To score, little brother. To. Score." Emmett's normally cheerful face was contorted into a sneer that I found frightening.

Edward's face once again took on the faint tinge of anger as Emmett's answer hit him right between the eyes.

"That was a low blow don't you think, Em?" Jasper shook his head at his friend. Em just shrugged as Edward continued to fume from his chair.

"Boys, I don't think this DJ thing is…"

"It's DH mom."

"Whatever, Jasper. Regardless, it's just a game, there's no need to get so worked up over such trivial things." She gave an exasperated sigh and muttered something about hormonal teenagers before leaving the room.

The four of us were left in much the same positions as we were when this all started. The three boys were all glaring menacingly at each other while I stood confounded in the doorway.

One fact remained true, I did not understand boys.

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><p>Poor Bella, teenage boys are so hard to understand. As a matter of fact, they don't get a lot easier to figure out as they get older. I mean, who thinks it's OK to wash their nasty golf shoes in the bathroom sink?<p>

If you're not reading **Deviant** by Planetblue, you're seriously missing out!

Thank you for reading!

ruinedbyrob


	12. Chapter 12

**REPOST: **Sorry guys. I had a little formatting problem with extra spaces and unnecessary dashes. I think I've got it fixed now.

**A/N: ** To say that the last two months have been busy, is an understatement. Only two more weeks of little league and then I'm free!

I want to thank everyone for your reviews and encouragement. This update is for you!

Giant sized Emmett hugs to my friend Mauigirl60 for graciously stepping in as Beta while mullet86, languishes pool side on a TWO WEEK cruise.

I heart you hard B!

**Disclaimer:** SM owns Edward, but she lets me borrow him and I love her for that!

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 12**

"Bella, would you grab the sun block from the guest bathroom closet?"

"Yes, I'll get it!" I yelled from the top of the stairs.

"Thank you, sweetheart."

I zipped up my small overnight bag, grabbed my iPod from its dock and shoved it into my pocket, along with my ear buds. We had a three and a half hour drive plus a ferry ride from Bainbridge Island to Seattle; I wanted to leave the iPod charging for as long as possible. Even though I was dreading the long ride, I couldn't deny that I was definitely excited to be attending the game. Plus, since we had such a long drive, the Cullens and my family were going to spend the night at a fancy hotel before doing the whole trip in reverse Sunday morning.

When Aunt Janet had showed me the pictured of the hotel my excitement grew as I imagined myself lounging on the elegant looking linens of the Seattle Marriott Waterfront Hotel. Jasper and Emmett were, of course, more concerned with the size of the pool and whether or not there was room service.

Actually, Emmett had been the one most concerned with room service.

I didn't know what Edward was most looking forward to. After the kitchen incident, Edward had made himself scarce, citing baseball practice was keeping him busy. It's not as if I hadn't seen him since the standoff, we just hadn't spent any time alone. Even though he'd fought with both the other boys, he seemed to prefer their company over mine. We'd only watched a couple of movies as a group complete with pizza and an ill-fated game of poker.

Who would've guessed that Jasper could bluff like a pro? Edward hadn't been bad either. He was able to bluff his way through a few hands, but Emmett and I had been crap at hiding our hands. Em's dimples had given him away every time and, apparently my eyes would get really big when I had a good hand.

Aside from the poker and movies, we'd done nothing just the two of us. It was almost as if Edward didn't want to be alone with me.

I'd be lying if I wasn't a little bit relieved not to have to face Edward alone. We hadn't spoken at all about what had happened that afternoon at the playground, or the aftermath in the kitchen. The truth was that I didn't know what I would say to him if we were alone. The fight between the boys had answered a few questions but had, in reality, only left me with even more unanswered questions.

It was still dark out so I turned on the light in the bathroom and searched out the sun block my aunt wanted. The game started at 2:00 P.M. We were due to get on the road by 7:00 A.M., which should get us to the hotel by noon, allowing us time to get checked in before making our way to Safeco Park for the national anthem.

After pushing aside several stacks of neatly folded towels and travel- sized containers of mouth- wash, shampoo, toothpaste, deodorant and anything else a guest might need while enjoying the hospitality of Mark and Janet Whitlock, I finally spied the sunscreen. I chuckled at the SPF 15 label. In Phoenix, I never left the house in anything less than a 30 SPF, but in excessively green and cloudy northern Washington state, I rarely needed sunscreen at all. I guessed that my aunt was hopeful our time in Seattle would be blessed with sunshine. I wasn't as hopeful but placed the bottle in my bag and headed downstairs.

"Mark, did you remember to have the oil changed?"

"Yes, my love."

"Jasper, did you get the soft- sided cooler out of the garage? I have bottles of chilled water and fruit in the fridge."

"Yes, Mom."

"Is the GPS loaded with the addresses?"

"Yes, dear."

"Where did I put that atlas? Son, go into the library and see if it's in there."

"Mom! We have a GPS. We don't need an atlas." Jasper's frustration with his mother was clearly evident in his voice.

"Jasper! Do _not_ speak to me with that tone."

"Sorry Mom." Jasper hung his head in contrition -or was it frustration? I wasn't exactly sure, now that I knew he had a knack for hiding his emotions.

I stood quietly in the hallway and watched my aunt directing my uncle and cousin. Uncle Mark hid his small smile as his wife chastised their son.

Aunt Janet reached over and patted her son's cheek, he smiled back at her.

"It's OK, son, but we still need to find that atlas."

"Mom…" I couldn't help giggling at Jasper's moan. I guess it had been frustration.

"Stop! You can't always rely on newfangled technology. Batteries die, clouds block good satellite reception… but a good ol' paper map will never fail you." Jasper rolled his eyes as he passed me on his way to the library to retrieve the atlas.

"While you're in there, grab my crossword puzzle books, a box of trivia questions, a deck of cards, and my knitting. I'll prove that we don't need to rely on technology to keep us occupied on this trip!" she yelled after him. He muttered something under his breath as he rounded the corner, but I couldn't make out what it was.

_Trivia questions?_ _Crossword puzzles? Knitting?_ I looked at her in confusion. I knew for a fact that she'd already packed her Kindle _and_ iPad.

"It's not often I get the chance to spend three hours of unrestricted time with my- fifteen year-old son. " She winked at me and turned back toward the kitchen.

I followed her into the room, dragging my bag behind me. "Here's the sun block you wanted."

"Thank you Bella." She took the blue plastic bottle and handed it to Uncle Mark who packed it into a big orange and pink plaid beach bag and went out into the garage.

I placed my bag on the floor by the door wanting to pack a couple of granola bars and maybe a banana, before carrying it to the car.

"Let's see…I have water, Powerade, fruit…I wonder if I should make a few sandwiches?" I watched my aunt's body move quickly as she took her treasures out of the refrigerator and placed them on the counter closest to her.

"What do you think Bella, do you think a few sandwiches would be a good idea?" I shrugged, opening the cabinet to grab my granola bars.

Aunt Janet pulled her head out of the fridge. "Oh, granola bars. Great idea. Your uncle loves the ones with almonds and chocolate chips." I handed her the box and she added it to her growing mound of travel food.

"So, sandwiches?"

I shrugged again not knowing what to say. If she made sandwiches, I would probably eat one, especially if it was a turkey and Swiss on the yummy asiago cheese bagels sitting on the counter, but I really wanted to save my appetite for the food at the game. I was rarely given the chance to indulge my love for stadium food vendors as I was usually with my mother. I would sit in my prime seat right behind home base, munching carrot and celery sticks while the heavenly aromas of super nachos, hot dogs, pulled pork sandwiches and chili-cheese fries assaulted my senses as the other spectators enjoyed their Saturday afternoon treats.

I guessed maybe Emmett and I had more in common than I realized.

"It won't hurt to make just a few." She stuck her head back in the fridge and proceeded to pull out various cold cuts, cheeses and condiments.

I chuckled and opened the bagel bag.

"Mom, I found everything you wanted except the atlas. Are you sure it's in there?" Jasper came into the room, with his arms loaded with his mother's demands.

Aunt Janet turned around with a piece of bread in one hand and a knife covered in mayonnaise in the other, and addressed her son. "Forget the atlas, we have a GPS." Jasper groaned as she'd just negated her earlier argument. He piled the articles on the table and stormed out of the room.

"Wait until he finds out I'm going to be picking all the music, too." She chuckled and went back to her sandwich making. I laughed at her playful attempts to mess with her son.

Several sandwiches later, we were on our way. Uncle Mark had to calm Jasper down when his mother plugged in her iPod and the 70s pop sounds of ABBA and the Bee Gees filled the Tahoe. Soon we were all singing to the music happy to be on our way.

We stopped for a restroom and photo op at Crescent Lake before returning to the 101. It was nice to see one of Charlie's favorite fishing holes. Well, it'd been his favorite until they changed the rules in 2002 to catch and release only. Charlie wasn't happy about no longer being able to enjoy the delicacy of Beardslee trout, but still visited the tranquil and picturesque lake several times a year. I'd never accompanied him on one of his fishing trips, not being able to stomach the smells that were usually present. However, the clear blue waters and beautiful landscape looked enticing enough to lure me to visit.

After snapping the obligatory picture of us standing in front of the lake, we were back on the road. Aunt Janet wanted to stop in Port Angeles to pick up a book she'd ordered, but Uncle Mark said that we were already behind schedule and would have to get it on the way back.

That was when I noticed that Jasper has his mother's pout.

I fell asleep somewhere around Sequim Bay and was shaken awake by my cousin as we drove onto the ferry at Bainbridge Island. Jasper and I spent the 13 miles glued to the railing, watching the waves rolling beneath the bow of the big ship.

We exited the ferry and got on the Alaskan Way Viaduct for a very quick trip to the hotel.

"Look, Mark, there it is!" Jasper and I crowded to the left side of the car to get a glimpse of the hotel. I'm sure my mother would've said that the two hundred dollar a night hotel was sub-par but, to me, it looked like a palace.

Uncle Mark and Aunt Janet had a fairly brief but heated debate over which parking service to use. Uncle Mark and the hotel valet service won out over the slightly cheaper off-site parking garage, citing that it was silly to stay at such a lovely hotel and cheap out on the parking. My aunt pouted briefly until we walked into the lobby. All four of us were immediately drawn to the amazing blown glass structure in the middle of the lobby. The colorful and vibrant structure sat on an elevated tabletop under a cutout of a circle and a stunning crystal chandelier. The bright yellows, reds and blues of the blown glass were reflected all over the lobby in the carpet, paintings and gorgeously upholstered furniture.

I tried to keep my mouth closed as we walked through dazzling lobby to check in, but I found myself gaping at the opulent surroundings. The attendant handed Uncle Mark two key cards, he handed one to Jasper and pocketed the other one.

Charlie had been called into work for the weekend when Sam Uley's wife Leah, had gone into early labor.

I would now be sharing a room with Jasper.

The moment of panic I experienced when I was told I'd be sharing a room with my fairly estranged father, was nothing compared to what happened when I was told that I'd be sharing one with my fifteen year old _male_ cousin. I nearly panic attacked my way to the emergency room. Luckily, my highly perceptive aunt noticed my obvious discomfort and quickly moved to calm my fears. One long hug, several deep breaths into a paper bag and a quick conversation later, I was breathing normally and no longer contemplating running away to join the circus. Aunt Janet promised that we'd be so busy with activities; we'd hardly be in the room at all. So really, it wasn't a big deal. I was not entirely convinced, but didn't have a choice unless I could convince her to allow me to sleep in the car. I did, however, pack the least revealing pajamas and robe that I owned.

I shuffled along the brightly colored carpet, as Aunt Janet ushered all of us into the elevator. We were slightly behind schedule after losing time on the great parking debate, and she was determined to be ready before the Cullens arrived. After spending a lifetime on 'Renee time', I had to admit that being early to appointments and events was a refreshing change.

"Okay kids here's your room." Uncle Mark pointed to the off -white door with the numbers '316' printed boldly in gold. Jasper moved to open the door but was stopped when his dad reached out and held him back, warning him sternly not to lose the key card. Evidently, there had been a previous incident where a four year old Jasper had lost several hotel keys on a family trip to Disneyland. Well, more like he'd become enamored with flushing them down toilets or dropping them from the highest point of any ride he happened to be on.

Jasper swiped the key out of his dad's hand. "Geesh Dad that was like ten years ago. Can we please let it go?"

"When you've repaid me the two hundred dollars it cost to replace all those keys, then I'll let it go." Uncle Mark quickly retorted.

"If you hadn't been so keen on staying in a quaint hotel with real keys instead of key- cards, we wouldn't have had that problem." My aunt came to her son's defense while grabbing the remaining keycard out of her husband's hands and moving swiftly down the hallway. She stopped several doors down and expeditiously opened the door. "Hurry it up Mark, I want to be back down in the lobby within 20 minutes." Uncle Mark gave his son one last look of warning then turned to follow his wife into their room, dragging their two bags and the cooler behind him.

"He's never going to let me live that down," Jasper lamented, as he swiped our key- card through the reader. Once the audible click was heard, Jasper turned the shiny handle and we trudged into the room.

"I call the bed by the window!" Jasper screamed, running over to the roomy bed and flopping face down onto the white duvet. He fell with such force that the numerous pillows, which had been artfully arranged on the bed, erupted into the air and buried him.

Laughing, I kicked his discarded back- pack out of my way, gingerly sitting down on the end of the other bed. I placed my duffle beside me and gently ran my hand over the silky duvet, allowing my fingers to trace the design stitched into the cover.

With Jasper passed out under his pyramid of pillows, I took a moment to glance around our room. Along with the opulent beds, we had a 42- inch flat screen TV, a luxurious looking leather recliner, and a desk and chair combo. Like the lobby, the curtains, carpet and other decorations echoed the same bright colors and textures.

I was just about to follow Jasper's lead and lie down on the bed when a series of rapid knocks sounded on our door.

"Kids. Lobby. Now." Jasper groaned at the sound of his mother's voice resounding through the thick door.

"Ugh. I was just starting to relax," Jasper mumbled from underneath his pillow pile.

"Maybe she'll give us five more minutes?" I offered.

I had to giggle when my cousin's face appeared from beneath the pillows and rolled his eyes at my absurd suggestion.

"Yeah, I didn't think so." I got off the bed and smoothed out my butt smudge on what was otherwise a pristine bed.

"Help?" he asked, holding out his hand. I reached down grabbing him and with little effort on my part, I had him liberated from his cushion prison.

In true boy fashion, he was picture perfect with one quick head shake of his blond head, leaving no sign that only moments ago, he'd been buried under polyester and cotton. In true Bella fashion, I was a mess. One quick look in the mirror revealed that the granola bar and sandwich I'd consumed in the car had decided to stick around in the form of little granola nuggets and crumbs, which clung to my shirt and the folds of my neck.

I quickly tried brushing off the crumbs without alerting Jasper to their presence. After the tell-tale crumbs were gone, I turned my attention to my hair.

My little nap in the car had also done a number on my usually unruly hair. Groaning at my reflection, I grabbed the hair tie from my wrist, ignoring the red constriction marks, and quickly gathered my hair into a tight ponytail.

I grimaced in the mirror as I tried to straighten out my jersey, but the wrinkles kept reappearing. I tried tucking it into my jeans, but then my stomach and thighs showed. I quickly pulled my shirt back out and tugged it into place around my bulging frame.

"Arrghhh!" I uttered in frustration. The shirt was even more wrinkled now. My mother's favorite saying about me dressing like a rodeo clown echoed in my head as I pointlessly tried to straighten my outfit.

"What's wrong?" Jasper asked, retying his shoes at the foot of his bed.

"My hair is a complete mess and my shirt is wrinkled. I look like I traveled from Mars instead of Forks." I pointed furiously at my clearly disheveled appearance.

Jasper eyed me carefully and frowned, "You look the same as always." He shrugged dismissively and began digging in his back pack.

_Boys! _

I turned away from my irritating cousin and once again, assessed my reflection, focusing on my hair. Not only was my hair tangled, but it also looked _dingy? _ Maybe that wasn't the right word. I just knew that it wasn't anywhere as shiny or bouncy as Tanya's or Lauren's.

I'd taken my shower last night instead of this morning because of our early departure. So, I knew my hair was clean but I regretted not staying up to blow it dry instead of going to bed early, letting it air dry as usual.

_Maybe I should try to curl it? _My fingers twisted the dull strands hanging from the hair band into waves, as I tried to envision my hair in beautiful, shiny, bouncy curls.

_Would Edward like my hair if it was curled like Tanya's?_

I eyed the clock and wondered if I had time to wash it again. Maybe if I put it into a braid I'd be able to camouflage how stringy and dull it was. My head cocked to the side as I pondered how to make myself look…more put together.

"Bella!" My body jolted at Jasper's bellow, startling me from my trance.

He was standing at the open room door, with narrowed eyes, his foot tapping impatiently.

_Hmmm, another trait he inherited from his mother. _

"Are you going to stand there all day primping, or do you plan on attending the game with the rest of us? He pointed to the bedside clock. We'd been in the room for nearly an hour. My aunt would be freaking out if we were late to the game.

"What are you doing?" he quizzed.

My cheeks flushed in embarrassment at being caught _primping_.

"Nothing," I answered quickly, dropping my hand from my hair and chancing a quick glance at him.

Ignoring my cousin's raised eye brow, I rushed to my bag and grabbed my baseball mitt. Shoving my wallet into my jeans pocket, I pushed past Jasper and went out into the hallway.

The door clicked behind us as we walked in silence to the elevator. Jasper poked the button and the doors opened immediately. I hastily moved into the empty car and looked down at the carpet, avoiding his eyes.

The doors closed and we began our descent. The elevator dinging to signal each floor we passed was the only sound as we made our way to the lobby.

Thankfully, the ride was short; soon, the door opened, depositing us in the lobby where my aunt was impatiently waiting. I was the first out and quickly walked over to my aunt's side, still avoiding eye contact with my cousin.

"Where have you two been?" Aunt Janet demanded, giving us each a slow stare. "I was just about to leave both of you behind." She gestured wildly to Jasper and me. Uncle Mark laughed at her idle threat and began ushering us towards the door.

"I guess it's a good thing that the Cullens will now be meeting us at the park or we'd be late, and you know how I feel about tardiness. I'm disappointed in you, Son. " Jasper and his father both rolled his eyes at her statement. They knew first-hand exactly how she felt.

"Well, we would've been here sooner but _someone_ had to stand in front of the mirror for twenty minutes, trying out new hair styles and messing with her outfit. " His finger pointed accusingly at me. Both of his parents turned to stare at me.

The lobby suddenly felt small and very warm as my humiliation grew under their scrutiny.

Uncle Mark cleared his throat." Um, well, let's not worry about blame and just get going." He grabbed Jasper and tugged him roughly toward the front door.

"But Dad it wasn't…" The rest of Jasper's statement was lost as they exited the hotel.

I watched them go, hoping that Aunt Janet would follow closely behind.

"Bella?"

_No such luck. _

I took a deep breath and turned, seeing my aunt frowning in a worried motherly kind of way. Her familiar Swan brown eyes were filled with concern.

I chewed absently on my bottom lip, trying to think of something to say when she asked the question I knew was coming.

I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder and tensed. "Bella, is everything OK?"

I didn't even bother with not trying to tell her the problem. Instead, I let it all out.

Aunt Janet took a step back as I blurted out "I look ridiculous!" to the unsuspecting people in the bustling lobby.

Before my cheeks pinked, registering embarrassment, my arm was quickly grasped and I felt myself being tugged into a small secluded corner. Aunt Janet let go of my arm and fixed me with a calm yet demanding look.

"Now, what makes you think you look ridiculous?" she asked in her no non-sense mom voice.

From the look on her face, I knew there was no reason for me to beat around the bush.

So I didn't.

"My hair is dull and stringy, my clothes are all wrinkled and I have bagel crumbs all over me!" My hands slapped heavily against my thick thighs as I let them flop unceremoniously down to my sides.

Aunt Janet's eyes grew wide at my exclamation.

I studied the glossy floor of the lobby as I waited for my aunt to question me further, before telling me that everything was going to be all right and that I was just being silly.

My crazed behavior flashed through my addled brain as I waited for my aunt to fix me.

_Since when did I care so much about what my hair looked like? I've always allowed it to kind of run wild, not caring how it looked. And when did the condition of my clothes become such a concern? Much to the chagrin of my mother, I've always just let my clothes hang from my frame in any way that best hid my fat rolls. Why, all of a sudden, was I worried about the condition of my clothes? And, why did it matter to me what Edward might think about my appearance? _

My mind swam with these questions for which I had no answers.

"Bella! Bella…" My aunt's voice broke through my thoughts.

I shifted my eyes from the floor up to my aunt's smiling face.

"Bella, would you like me to braid your hair on the way to the field?" I nodded slowly. My head hung low in confusion as I waited for the words that would explain what the heck was going on with me.

"Okay then. We'd better get going so we aren't late."

Without another word, she grabbed my arm and pulled me through the doors that Uncle Mark and Jasper had recently gone through.

_What? Where were my words of wisdom? Where was my, "It's going to be fine Bella."?_

I followed dutifully behind her, much like a puppy.

_A roly- poly, ungainly puppy with stringy hair. _

Unlike a puppy, I didn't follow because of a promised liver -flavored treat. Rather, I followed because quite honestly, I had no idea what else to do. Truth was, I wanted to see the game. I'd been looking forward to it all week and throwing a hissy fit and locking myself in my room over a wardrobe malfunction just wasn't me.

Regardless of how screwed up I was.

During the time it took for my meltdown in the lobby, Uncle Mark had the car pulled around from the lot. It was parked right in front of the door which delighted my aunt, since it meant there wouldn't be any time wasted walking to the car.

Aunt Janet marched up to the dark blue SUV and threw open the back door, startling her son.

"Mom! What's going…" She cut him off with a jerking thumb motion. "It looks like you're in the front row today, blondie."

"_Blondie"?_

While I couldn't see my own face, I could only assume that it mirrored the stunned look on Jasper's face, at my aunt's uncharacteristic words.

"Mom…" He stammered.

"Go! Get in the front!" Jasper slowly began scooting toward the door, keeping a wary eye on his mother.

"Go on, slow-poke!" My cousin screeched as his mother swatted his butt. The swat worked. Jasper was out of the back and into the front seat before I could blink.

Aunt Janet giggled when he quickly engaged his door lock. Laughing, she climbed into the car and scooted all the way over to the seat directly behind her husband, exuberantly patting the seat next to her.

"Hop in Bella. We have places to go and cute boys in tight pants to watch." Who was this person and what did she do with my aunt? Jasper looked horrified at her words, but my uncle had a little smile playing on his lips as his eyes met my aunt's in the rear view mirror.

"Um, OK." Her smile grew wider as I pulled myself up into the car and sat down next to her. As soon as my door was shut and my seat belt buckled, Uncle Mark gunned the engine and we were gone.

"Turn around sweetie." I shifted in my seat so that my back was turned to her. She made quick work of my hasty ponytail, pulling the band out and combing out the tangles.

We'd only driven a block or so when Jasper turned sideways in his seat and looked back at us. "What are you guys doing?"

"Why are you messing with your hair now?" he asked annoyed.

"Ow!" Jasper exclaimed as his mother quickly rapped his knuckles with her brush.

"You turn back around, mister, and don't worry about what we're doing back here!" she ordered, as he recoiled and turned back around in his seat. He began mumbling again but I couldn't understand what he was saying, though I guessed it had something to do with my crazy behavior.

Aunt Janet ignored her muttering son and began tugging on my head, indicating that the braiding had begun.

"You have lovely hair Bella. I don't know why you can't see your potential." Instinctively, I knew trying to correct her would be useless, so I just shrugged in response.

"There, all done. Let me get my hairspray now…ooh look, I have a ribbon we can use. Look this way." I turned and barely got my eyes closed before being assaulted with the aerosol adhesive.

Aunt Janet scrutinized her handiwork for a moment before shoving her travel can of hairspray back into her large handbag, only to pull out a container of blush and mascara. Jasper rolled his eyes before turning back around in his seat and muttering, "Girls!" as Aunt Janet began applying blush and mascara to my cheeks and eye lashes.

"There we go. Pretty as a picture." Aunt Janet patted my cheek and proceeded to put her things bag into the cavernous bag she called a purse.

I tried in vain to catch my reflection in the window, but the sun was so bright that it was impossible to see anything. I doubted very much that I was 'pretty as a picture.' However, I was fairly satisfied that the issue with my hair had been somewhat rectified and I no longer looked like someone who lived under a bridge.

Sighing, I flopped back into my seat and watched the Seattle cityscape flash by the car window. Jasper seemed fascinated with the high rise buildings and bustling traffic as he stared intently out his window. I suppose that his having lived your life in a small town like Forks gave him a reason to be impressed. My having grown up in Phoenix, made me less enthralled with tall buildings and fast cars.

"Aren't you glad that we called ahead and reserved a spot?" Aunt Janet huffed slightly at my uncle's question while we gathered our things to take into the ball park.

"I suppose so, if you don't mind paying forty dollars just to park a car. My goodness, we'll spend almost as much in parking this weekend as we will for the hotel!" she griped, and began walking out of the Safeco Field parking garage. The ballpark was just across the street from the garage, and I was very happy with how close we were to the field. I knew that it would've been a struggle to keep pace with my aunt if she was in a hurry.

Uncle Mark caught up with my aunt and took her hand, never breaking stride. "Think about how much time we'll save getting out of the park since we're only just across the street." Wisely, my uncle had eased her dislike of spending money for parking by appealing to her love for moving efficiently out of crowded parking garages.

She smiled at him as he stopped her, leaning down to give her a quick kiss.

"C'mon guys, we're out in public!" Jasper complained, giving his parents a look of disgust as he pushed by them on the sidewalk, attempting to put as much distance between himself and his affectionate parents as possible.

Aunt Janet let go of Uncle Mark's hand and caught up with her mortified son. She put her arm around him and planted a giant kiss on his cheek. "MOM!" he exclaimed, pulling away from her and vigorously wiping off her kiss.

"Oh, Jasper, don't be such a fuddy-duddy." She put her arm back around him, giving him another squeeze. Jasper relented, and they continued walking into the ball park together.

"Shall we, pretty girl?" Uncle Mark held out his hand to me. Before I could talk myself out of it, I grabbed his hand and we hurried to catch up with Aunt Janet and Jasper.

"Do you see them?" Uncle Mark shook his head 'no' at his wife's question, as we made our way to our seats in the Keybank Diamond Club section right behind home plate.

"Jasper!" Emmett's loud booming voice was easily heard even in the bustling stadium. Jasper waved in response to Emmett's loud greeting.

I followed along behind my family with trepidation. Edward had turned in his seat at his brother's enthusiastic greeting and I was overwhelmed with a feeling I couldn't explain. Part of me was elated at seeing him, but part of me was equally unenthusiastic about spending the day with him. My feelings over what had happened with Tanya and how it had affected me since then were confusing. After my earlier meltdown in the hotel, I wasn't sure how I'd react to him.

"Jasper, I'll bet you five dollars that 'Stumble B' doesn't make it all the way down the stairs without falling. Ow!" Esme handed out swift justice to her eldest son in the form of a not-so-gentle slap to the neck for embarrassing me.

"Emmett, I raised you better than to embarrass a lady, especially in public!" Emmett's face turned red at his mother's scolding.

"Yes, ma'am," he muttered, rubbing his neck.

Even though he'd been the one to ultimately be publicly embarrassed, I couldn't help but feel that all eyes were still on me. I grasped the handrail firmly, taking each step slowly as I made me way to where the two families were waiting.

I mentally congratulated myself upon successfully arriving at row five without breaking a wrist, spraining my ankle, or falling on anyone. My victory was short lived when I was told that my seat was in the middle of the row and I would have to crawl over my uncle, Aunt Janet, Esme and Carlisle to get where Edward, Jasper and Emmett were waiting.

_Oh, Carlisle._

I was barely able to contain my clumsiness and manage to stay upright around Edward's father on a good day. How was I going to be able to make my way to the middle without falling on my face or fatally injuring the cute Dr. Carlisle?

Beads of sweat rolled off my nose as I imagined crushing his foot or God forbid, losing my balance and falling into his lap, crushing his legs.

_Oh, my God! He might never walk again!_

Sensing my apprehension, Dr. Carlisle winked at me and had the boys all move down one chair so I could sit at the end of the row.

_I wonder if he would consider adopting me._

No. On second thought, spending all day dreaming about how cute your adoptive father was would probably be frowned upon by society. Besides, then Emmett and Edward would be my brothers and having to share a bathroom or really any room with Emmett was more frightening than crushing a random foot here or there.

Plus, there was that whole Edward situation- still no answers, just more questions.

Smiling back at Carlisle, I settled in my seat, pleased that I was able to fit without _anything_ hanging out or bulging over the seat rests. I wasn't settled for long before the whole row shifted again, as the parents all moved down and the boys then moved to their vacated seats.

I nodded in greeting as Edward sat down next to me, with Jasper and Emmett to his left.

Emmett leaned around Jasper and spoke. "Hey, B…, um, I'm sorry about the whole stair thing. You know I was just goofing on you." Emmett flashed me one of his dimpled smiles. How could I not forgive him?

"It's OK, Emmett." I shrugged and leaned back into my seat, wanting to forget the whole thing.

Edward shifted around and pushed roughly on his brother's shoulder, earning him a menacing growl. "No, it's not Ok. He shouldn't have done that to you. It was wrong. He shouldn't think that it's alright to treat you like that. Even if he didn't mean it cruelly."

Edward's outburst had me blinking in astonishment.

If this had happened weeks ago, I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but as it came on the heels of the Tanya episode, I was somewhat surprised to hear Edward attempting to protect me.

"I said I was sorry, Ed. Geez, throttle back a little. And, besides, B knows I'd never do anything to hurt her."

"Boys, no fighting!" Carlisle admonished from his seat. Emmett huffed before leaning back into his own chair with a loud thump.

The adults resumed their conversation, while Emmett and Jasper began studying the complimentary game programs that had been placed on our chairs. I took their cue and opened up my own, not so much because I was super interested in the names of the umpires or what groups were being honored today, but because I wasn't ready to face Edward.

As I absently flipped through the magazine, I could feel Edward shifting around restlessly in his own seat. I wanted him to say something. I wanted him to tell me why he'd ignored me the last few days, why he'd chosen Tanya over me and why it bothered me so much that he had.

"You've done something different with your hair, I like it," he said

Well, I hadn't been expecting that.

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><p><strong>AN:** I hope you all thought it was worth the wait. Please let me know what you thought.

Thank you for reading,

ruinedbyrob


	13. Chapter 13

I'm baaaaack! Did you miss me? I missed you! I want to send huge thanks to all of you wonderful people who donated to the Fandom 4 Oklahoma cause. I hope you like my story and those of you who weren't able to donate don't worry, all contributing authors are eligible to post their donated stories after Sept. 1st.

My beta is the wonderful Mullet86 and she's truly the wind beneath my wings.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight or its characters. I do however own this plot and a half eaten bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos.

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><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 13**

_"And another strike out for Saunders. I don't know about you folks, but I'm sure glad to have him here in Seattle. Folks, don't forget to check your seat numbers for the seventh inning race around the bases. First prize is a free one hundred dollar voucher at the team store with vouchers for the food court for second and third place." _The announcer's voice rang out through the park as the teams changed positions for the top of the fifth inning.

So far the game had been great, the Mariners were tied with the Minnesota Twins in the fifth inning. There were tons of foul balls as the Twins attempted to hit Saunders fast ball, but so far we'd all been unsuccessful at catching any of them.

A fact that was really beginning to upset Emmett.

"Damn it!" He exclaimed, throwing his baseball glove down on the concrete as another foul ball was stopped from reaching us by the giant cargo like net draped in front of our seats.

"Emmett Michael Cullen!" Jasper, Edward and I all giggled as Esme leaned forward and called down the aisle to chastise her eldest son.

"Sorry, mom." Emmett huffed before flopping back into his seat.

"Dude, you got three named." Jasper teased, throwing an elbow into the grumpy boy's ribs.

Emmett glared and pushed Jasper's arm off of him. "What the hell", he lowered his voice so his mother couldn't hear him. "is the point of having these awesome seats if we can't catch a ball?" He pointed angrily at the offensive net.

"It's not like you'd have a chance at catching one anyway." Edward taunted.

"And why is that?" Emmett's normally cheerful voice was uncharacteristically angry, although lately I'd been hearing this tone more and more when he spoke to his brother.

Edward held up his glove and said simply, "Because I'm here." His tone of voice was even and controlled, but the look on his face was clearly challenging. He'd found something that he was better at than his big brother and he took every opportunity to remind him of that fact.

"Whatever, dude," Emmett quickly dismissed Edward's taunt and turned his attention to Jasper. "Let's blow this pop stand and go check out the food vendors and maybe find a few cute baseball groupies we can spend some time with." Emmett's eye brows moved suggestively. Jasper nodded in agreement and both boys moved to get out of their seats.

Ever observant, Aunt Janet called out to the boys as they attempted their escape. "Whoa, where are you two going?" All of the adults turned their attention to Emmett and Jasper, whose forward motion was halted in front of Edward and me.

"We're going to go get something to eat." Jasper answered swiftly and prodded Emmett with a swift elbow to the ribs to hurry along. They take one more step before Esme stops them.

"Just order something from the club house. I don't think you need to be out wandering around." Aunt Janet nodded in agreement as both boys groaned in frustration.

Edward and I watched in silence as the boys and their mothers attempt to explain their positions to each other. Jasper and Emmett's bodies blocked our view of the game, so we really had no choice but to watch the show going on in front of us.

Finally the boys switched tactics.

"Dad, c'mon, can we go?" Emmett whined. Both Uncle Mark and Dr. Cullen were now stuck between their wives and their sons. Both knew that regardless of what side they choose, they'd have someone angry at them.

"Janet, what does it matter if they eat at the clubhouse or at the food court?" Uncle Mark asked quickly, before turning his attention back to the game, where short stop Brendan Ryan had just slammed a double to right field. The crowd erupted as the Mariners pulled ahead of the Twins, four to three.

"I don't see why…" Aunt Janet kept talking but no one listened as another crack of the bat sounded and the crowd roared in approval. Edward, Jasper, Emmett and I jockeyed for position as we all tried to see what had happened. I pushed Emmett away from me who then blocked Edward's view. He pushed both Emmett and Jasper, who then pushed each other until once again the dads were forced to step in.

"That's it!" Dr. Cullen exclaimed, pushing Jasper off his newly flattened left foot. "Boys, you have one hour to get up, walk around, get yourselves something to eat and then get your butts back into your seats." Without waiting for the arguments of their mothers, the boys rushed out of the aisle and scampered up the stairs, leaving Edward and I alone.

Well, alone as you can get in a crowd of forty thousand people.

After his earlier comment about my hair, Edward and I had settled into a companionable silence. We'd cheered when appropriate and yelled at the umps when we decided an unfair call had occurred against our team, with the comic duo of Emmett and Jasper filling in the silence.

However now, it was just the two of us.

"You didn't want to go with them?" I offhandedly asked, honestly wondering why he hadn't gone with the other two boys.

"Naw, I'll wait until you're ready to eat." Edward shrugged and stretched his legs out, taking up a bit of Emmett's empty space. _When did his legs get so long?_

_He wanted to wait for me?_ "What if I don't want to eat anything?" Okay, so that was never going to happen but I wanted to hear what he'd say.

"Then eventually I'll go but not until you're sure you won't go with me." Edward continued to stare out onto the field, while I was left to stare at him.

Did he mean what he'd said? He'd wait for me? Was that his way of apologizing for leaving me at the playground? Or did he simply mean that he wanted company when he finally decided he was hungry or maybe he just didn't want to go with Emmett?

Groaning, I put my aching head into my hands and gently began massaging my temples.

When did I start over analyzing everything he said? And why couldn't I stop?

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Edward nudged my side with his elbow. I peeked at him through my hands, half expecting him to be laughing at me. I'd be laughing at me if my head didn't hurt so badly.

Edward's face was completely devoid of humor. There was a wrinkled 'V' between his eyes, just over his nose. I knew from experience that Edward's face did that when he was serious. He stared at me intently, waiting for me to come to some kind of realization.

About what I wasn't sure. These days I always seemed to be a step behind him.

The last couple of days without him had been awful and I was due to go home in a week. Edward's emails and calls were the only things that got me through the school year. Since I knew that I couldn't spend the next nine months without speaking to him, I decided to do as my aunt suggested I do days ago; I was going to ask him what he meant.

I took a deep breath, rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans and went for broke. "Edward, why did you leave me at the playground and go with those other girls?" _Whoops._ That's not what I'd meant to ask. I could tell from the widening of his eyes, that he hadn't been expecting that question either.

His silent stare unnerved me. I looked away and began to fiddle with my discarded game program, looking anywhere in the stadium but my mute friend.

The deafening cheers and the bustling of the crowd enjoying the game were lost to me as I waited anxiously for Edward to answer.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as Saunders took the mound, signaling the top of the seventh inning. Our conversation, which had started at my insistence at not wanting anything to eat was proving to be moot as my stomach began to grumble. I wondered briefly if I were to leave and get a pretzel if Edward would still be sitting in the same position when I returned.

The grumbling became more violent, actually causing me a bit of pain. I decided to go ahead and get something to eat when Edward spoke, "I um, I don't know."

My stomach's vocal demands were forgotten as I processed what Edward had said. _I don't know. _

I blinked slowly several times like you do when your brain needs a few minutes to process something stupid you've seen or heard. .

"You don't _know_? How could you not _know_?" I asked incredulously. Didn't he make the decision? Wasn't he the one who chose to leave me? His answer wasn't good enough because it didn't answer any of the questioning and second guessing that I'd been doing to myself since this whole thing happened.

Edward's shoulders sagged; he bent forward to lean onto his knees. To the casual observer, it would appear as if he was just watching the game very intently. But the clenching of his jaw told a different story. His eyes were closed, he was breathing heavily and his hands were closed tightly into fists. I knew him well enough to know that soon he would run his hand through his hair and tug on the coppery-brown strands in frustration.

_4,3,2,1… and cue hair tug. I bet Tanya wouldn't have been able to predict that quirk. _

He was still bent over his knees, with both hands clenched tightly in his hair. I watched silently as he tugged mercilessly on the strands. My heart was torn with wanting him to hurt as much as I'd been hurting and hating to see someone I cared about in pain.

Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer; I reached out and gently touched his right knuckle, "Stop, Edward." He flinched at my touch, shifting slightly away before letting out a deep breath and letting go of his hair. My hand dropped quickly to my lap as I waited for him to say something.

The sounds of the ball park faded as Edward lifted his face, his green eyes seemed shimmery. As if they were swimming in water. I grew uncomfortable under his stare and looked away. I began fidgeting with the thick braid hanging over my shoulder. The silkiness of the ribbon that Aunt Janet had tied at the end was comforting as I wove it in between my fingers, over and over and over…

"Stop, Bella." The heat of his hand seared mine as he leaned over and pulled the ends of the ribbon out of my fingers to re-tie the bow at the base of my braid and a tiny rush of excitement flowed through my body causing all of my nerve endings to tingle.

"There. All done." He smiled his crooked little 'Edward smile' and sat back in his chair.

My feelings over what he'd done at the playground and the way my body had just reacted to his touch had me even more confused. I wanted to yell and push at him for leaving me alone and then a small part of me wanted to twirl my hair and bat my lashes, all in an attempt to get him to touch me again.

_Geez, I was such a mess. _

Thoughts of what I wanted to say next were lost as Edward spoke, "Bella, I didn't mean to hurt you. You understand that, right?" The honesty of his statement was impossible to refuse, as it was clearly written all over his face. He seemed relieved when I nodded quickly. I'd never thought that he'd meant to hurt me, but my question as to why he left me was still unanswered.

"I know your intent wasn't to hurt me, but you did, Edward, so much." I don't know if it showed on my face, but I knew the words I'd spoken were just as honest as his had been.

His face paled at my statement and he began cracking his knuckles. Maybe my face was more expressive than I'd thought?

My words hung over us like the foul ball net that Emmett hated so much. It was keeping the outside world out but we were not going to get what we wanted until it was gone.

And the only way to do that was to take it apart, piece by piece

I tried to keep the emotion in my voice under control, I'd heard Uncle Mark tell my aunt that you were much more likely to get your point across if the emotion was kept to a minimum. Of course I overheard him saying this when he and my aunt were having a heated 'discussion' regarding whether Jasper should be allowed to get his learners permit. Despite my aunt's _passionate_ and at times, loud arguments, Jasper had his permit and had begun driving lessons.

I would try to emulate my uncle to get the answers I wanted; besides, I really didn't want the whole world to see me cry on the jumbotron.

Taking a deep breathe, I tried to get him to understand how I'd felt. "When you chose her over me," Edward opened his mouth to speak but I held up my hand to stop him. "you made me feel like I didn't matter to you. And I don't understand why you would want to spend time with her after the way she treats you and me." I paused and took a moment to gather myself. My voice was shaky but still fairly calm. I looked to the scoreboard and noted that we were now at the top of the seventh inning and that the Twins had evened the score at four all. We were almost out of game and nothing between us had been settled. If I knew my aunt at all, she would be hustling us out of the park the minute the game even looked like it was done so she could avoid the crowds, and I knew that once Emmett and Jasper showed back up there would be no room for a quiet conversation.

I shifted back in my seat and turned my head to find Edward staring at me. His lips were tightly pressed together and the corners of his lips were turned down into a tight frown. I didn't like how his lips looked so thin and pale. They were usually so plump and berry red.

_Plump and berry red?_ I was losing my mind. And what do you do when you're losing your mind? You open your mouth and turn your verbal filter off. _Everyone does that, right?_

"I don't understand why you would choose her over me, especially knowing how she treats me. I don't like the way it made me feel when you_ let_ me walk away from you and I… do you think she's pretty? Do you want her to be your girlfriend? Do you think her hair is prettier than mine? Do you want to kiss her? Did you touch her boobs?"

There, it was all out. For the first time in a week I felt as if I could take a deep breath. While I leaned back in my seat and congratulated myself on unburdening my fevered mind, Edward sat silent next to me.

His wide eyes blinking in slow motion was his only movement. I figured he needed a minute to process everything so I waited.

I bought a glass of lemonade and a bag of peanuts from the stand vendor and waited.

I clapped and cheered when the Mariners pulled ahead after Kyle Seager hit a home run and waited.

I did the wave as it came around.

I contemplated running up to the clubhouse for a sandwich and a soda, but figured that would be rude. So I waited.

Finally I couldn't take the waiting anymore. I stole a glance at Edward while absently pushing my discarded peanut shells into a small pile on the floor in front of me with the toe of my sneaker.

The visual that met me was all wide staring eyes, deep breaths and tightly clenched fists. Perhaps the unburdening I'd done was too much for him? I quickly run the conversation through my head while managing to finish my lemonade with minimal spillage on my new jersey.

_You made me feel like I didn't matter. __**Check. **__ She's mean to me. __**No denying that fact**__. Hmmm, so far, I don't see what would cause him to go catatonic…Did you touch her boobs?_

_**Oh my god!**_

My hand shot up to cover my mouth, dropping my empty drink cup to the hard cement. It bounced once or twice before rolling down the stairs to finally land at the bottom of the stands.

_I asked Edward if he touched her boobs! I asked if he wanted to kiss her! I asked if he thought her hair was prettier than mine!_ I crossed my arms around my stomach and began rocking back and forth in my chair.

_What had I done? He'd never speak to me again._

Edward and I sat silent and stonily amidst the roar of the other 40,000 fans in Safeco Field. The words of my ill-conceived outburst hung over us like a cone of silence where forethought and tact didn't exist, at least not where I was concerned. While I'm sure his brain was trying to figure out how he could ever have considered a moron like me a friend, mine was calculating the odds of a foul ball slipping over, under or around the protective net and smacking me in the head where the commotion of carting me off the hospital and treating what I'm sure would end up as a skull fracture, would buy me some time to come up with the evidence I needed to plead insanity. Actually it was entirely possible that he'd already come up with the conclusion that I was insane on his own.

I suppose it shouldn't have come as such a shock to me that I was insane after my behavior this morning in the hotel. Really, the writing was already on the wall. Instead of braiding my hair, my aunt should've locked me in a closet until whatever was going on with me had passed.

_How long does puberty last? _

I grimaced as my stomach grumbled its discontent at only being fed peanuts when there'd been a clear promise of actual greasy, yummy stadium food being consumed today.

_Low blood sugar!_

_Yes! That was the ticket. I would claim that my verbal diarrhea was a side effect of low blood sugar and not the insane ravings of a lunatic. Edward would surely forgive me knowing how crazy I get when I'm hungry. Not even Emmett would stand between me and the last chocolate chip cookie when I get that crazy look in my eyes. _

Edward's continued owl-eyed stare prompted me to action, I opened my mouth to put my plan in motion when the boisterous sounds of Emmett and Jasper returning from their successful scavenging trip interrupted me;

"Holy crap! Who broke Edward?" Cringing, I slunk down in my seat as Emmett's super loud and super uninvited declaration caused the whole row to turn towards his red faced brother.

Could this be worse? If Edward had ever considered giving me another chance, it was long gone now that my insanity had caused him to be the center of attention.

Edward was forced out of his comatose state when Emmett and Jasper pushed their way back down the aisle to their seats. He was once again moving but the confusion lingered in his eyes.

Emmett paused to fluff Edward's hair on his way by. "Dude, if you don't close your mouth, someone is going to stuff their garbage in it."

"Shut up, Emmett, you dick." Edward growled and pushed Em's hand away as it came dangerously close to landing back in his hair. The joy I felt at knowing that I hadn't actually broken him, was quickly eclipsed by the anger I felt in his voice. Edward was using his 'I'm not happy' voice. And I knew that my verbal ridiculousness was the cause of him being unhappy.

"Edward, language!" Esme admonished loudly from her seat. It astounded me how a parent can tune out every whine, complaint or question their child uttered, but their fickle ears heard every hint of a possible swear word.

Edward swung his face towards his mother. From the widening of her eyes, I could only guess that the look on his face was not pleasant.

"Edward what's wrong?" Esme's now concerned voice rang out from down the aisle.

_Great!_ Now I had Esme upset, which meant that my aunt would soon follow.

_What had I done? _

Any hopes I'd had of slowly slinking off into the sunset without having to explain to the entire world how I'd single handedly managed to lose my mind and break my best friend in the middle of a baseball game were lost as Emmett's voice once again rang out.

"Yeah, little brother, what's wrong?" His lips and eyebrows scrunched up as he scrutinized Edward's face.

"You're looking a little flushed. No, wait; there's a slight blush to your cheeks." He reached out to pinch Edward's face.

Edward wasted no time and soundly slapped the offensive hand away.

Emmett pulled his hand back and howled in mock pain.

"Geez, Edster, what's got your panties in a wad?"

"Shut up Emmett you dick!"

Carlisle leaned behind Jasper and Emmett to slap the back of Edward's head. "Edward! That is enough!"

"Sorry, dad." Edward muttered while rubbing his head. I could tell that the very last thing he was sorry for was calling Emmett a dick, but I also knew that Edward wouldn't disobey his father.

Sensing that Carlisle was at the end of his rope, Emmett stopped taunting his brother and went back to watching the game, leaving Edward and me sitting silently under the thick and sticky web of insanity I'd woven earlier.

A quick glance at the scoreboard revealed that I'd missed the last inning of the game and we were now in the top of the eighth inning with one out with the Mariners up by one. If I could just hold on until the end of the game, my plan was to get lost in the crowd and hide out in the hotel room until we left for Forks tomorrow.

My leg began to fidget nervously as I counted the minutes until the end. Despite the fact that I'd screwed everything up and possibly lost Edward forever, my stomach continued to loudly proclaim the fact that it was _still_ empty.

"Bella…"

"What?' I eloquently blurted out in surprise at the sound of Edward's voice.

"Are you ready to get some food?" I nodded without hesitation. He could've been asking me to donate a kidney and I would have agreed. _Edward was speaking to me again. Did everyone hear that? _

Edward gave me a small smile and got out of his seat, turning to call down to his mom. "Mom, we're going to go to the club and get something to eat." He didn't wait to hear an answer and motioned with his hands for me to get up. With no thought but to follow Edward, I quickly hoisted myself out of my chair and hurried behind him as he started up the stairs.

I heard our names being called as we climbed the stands, but Edward never slowed down and I wasn't going to be left behind again. So, we ignored the voices of our respective guardians and went into the club house. Something exciting must've happened on the field because all of the people were crowded around the windows leaving the buffet table unguarded. My stomach voiced its excitement over the array of foods displayed on the table, but my heart was still beating in an irregular rhythm at being alone with Edward.

I picked up a plate and followed behind Edward as he went through the buffet line. I grabbed a Philly cheese steak on a toasted wheat hoagie, a bag of chips and a bottle of iced tea, promising myself and the plate of assorted pastries that I would be back for them later, and followed Edward to a table in the corner. Edward was already devouring his bacon burger and cheese fries.

"I'm guessing that the burger is really good?" I handed him a napkin and pointed to the glob of ketchup smeared on the corner of his mouth. Edward nodded sheepishly and wiped off his mouth.

Edward went right back to eating and I followed suit with my super gooey yumminess on a bun. My stomach ceased its griping as soon as the seasoned beef, caramelized onions, peppers, mushrooms and melted provolone cheese found its way down my throat to the waiting arms of my empty belly.

We ate in silence, both of us totally consumed by the feast in front of us. Aunt Janet would've been disgusted by our table manners and Renee would've had a conniption watching me shovel Edward's cheese fries in my mouth, but I could care less as I just sat back and enjoyed lunch with the person that I hoped still wanted the job of being my best friend.

"I'm going to grab something for dessert. Do you want anything?" I shook my head as Edward pushed back his chair and headed for the buffet table. As soon as I'd seen the plate of éclairs on the buffet, I'd known that my next trip to the buffet would not be pretty. I didn't want Edward to watch me devour my dessert like a dog annihilating a chew toy. Instead, I took the opportunity to finish off my pickle spear and wipe off the remnants of my cheesesteak from my face.

Edward returned just as I was cleaning off the spot of melted cheese I'd dropped in my lap. It wasn't a real meal until Bella dropped part of it on her clothes.

"Go ahead. I know you want one of these éclairs." He held out the plate with two giant puffy pastries.

Every day the bus to school drove past 'B's Bakery'. And every day as the bus idled at the stop light, I would stare out the grimy bus window into the crystal clear picture window of the bakery where plates of sinful looking desserts beckoned me with powdered sugar and chocolate covered fingers. There were cakes, pies, brownies, cookies, artfully decorated cupcakes… everything a fat kid starved for sugar could wish for. But the one thing I really wanted, the treat that had eluded me was the puffy, lighter than air pastry with a vanilla custard filling and shiny chocolate topping. Every year for my birthday, I'd promise myself that I'd find a way to get my hands on one, and every year I'd failed. Renee either refused to allow any kind of sweets, opting for a sugar free option or she'd forget my birthday altogether, like she did last year.

Leave it to Edward to be the person to fulfill my baked goods fantasy.

I closed my eyes as the custard and rich chocolate topping melted on my tongue. I tried to savor the heavenly treat, I really did, but like anyone that has been given something they've coveted from afar, I snarfed that pastry down as fast as I could without choking.

"Geez, Bella, slow down. You'll choke," Edward laughed and took a normal sized bite of his éclair. "If I'd known how much you liked those I would've gotten you two." His jest made me realize how much of a pig I was being. I bet Tanya wouldn't have inhaled her éclair. Actually from the looks of her I doubted Tanya ate anything at all.

_Stupid, shiny haired, skinny girl. _

I covertly grabbed my napkin and tried to slow my decline into total pigdom by daintily dabbing at the chocolate that had collected at the corners of my mouth and on my fingers and on my shirt and…seriously…how did I get it in my hair? _Crap!_

My frantic attempt to clean myself up was cut short when Edward started to speak. I stopped trying to get the chocolate out of my hair and met his solemn gaze.

"About um, what happened," Edward stopped to run his hand through his hair. I recognized his nervous habit and raised him two twiddling thumbs. I didn't know what I was more afraid to hear, why he'd left me or what he'd done with those girls after they'd gone. His reddened face gave me no clue as to which topic he'd choose and it suddenly occurred to me that despite the insane questions I'd spewed in the stands, I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answers. "Like I said, I never meant to hurt you. You know that right?" The sincerity shining in his emerald eyes was undeniable. _Why did it make me feel sad?_

My fist closed reflexively around the crumpled napkin while I digested what he'd said.

Edward sighed deeply and began fidgeting with his his bottle cap. I was mesmerized by the cap and watched it spinning in tight circles across the polished table.

I barely had time to blink as Edward's long fingers grabbed the cap off the table and drilled it roughly into the nearest garbage can, with a loud _'chunk'_ as it slammed against the metallic sides.

"Bella, answer me!" I rarely heard Edward raise his voice and out of those few times, his anger was almost always directed at Emmett. This time, it was all me.

Edward sighed in frustration at my silence and started to push away from the table, as if he were going to leave. Without thinking I reached out and grabbed his hand, halting his movement.

I released his hand immediately, and let them fall into my lap. "I know, Edward."

Our gazes never wavered from each other as he calmly took his seat.

"If you know, then what's this all about?" The frustration was back in his voice.

"I was hurt, Edward. Whether you meant it or not, you hurt me so much when you chose them over me." The hurt was evident in my voice and I didn't care.

"Why?"

"_Why_?" Did he seriously just ask me that?

"Yeah, I don't understand why it's such a big deal. So I spent the afternoon with Tanya and Lauren. Big deal." The offhanded tone he used and nonchalant shoulder shrug did way more to tick me off than the words he'd said.

"It's a big deal because you _chose_ to spend time with someone who is nasty to me every chance she gets instead of spending time with the person who's _supposed_ to be your best friend." Buckle in ladies and gentlemen, direct Bella was up to the plate and brought her big bat.

"She invited you to come too, you _chose_ not to go." My eyes narrowed slightly as he leaned over the table and delivered his pitch.

"She didn't mean it." I'm going to call that a slow dribble to the pitcher. Technically it was a hit, but judging from the look in his eyes, it wasn't going to get me very far.

"Why would she say that if she didn't mean for you to really come with us? And how do you know she wasn't being sincere?" He shook his head back and forth in that irritating way that people do when they think you've lost your marbles and were making no sense.

"Because of the _way_ she said it." I crossed my arms over my stomach and willed Edward to read my mind. I needed him to understand what I meant without needing more of an explanation from me as it was clear that I'd been reduced to muttering about tones of voice and innuendo.

"I don't get you people." He muttered under his breath. Edward sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Apparently my mind control powers were lacking.

"What do you mean by _'you people?'_ "I echoed his frustration, not only did I not understand the actions of the other girls; I didn't even know how to relay my feelings to him without sounding like a loon. And the worst part was I knew I sounded nuts, but I couldn't help it. It's as if my brain was shooting off fireworks and every explosion brought on a new emotion that I didn't know how to handle. And for some reason, I blamed Edward for me being upset.

Edward groaned and then fixed me with an intense stare. " Girls… you guys say one thing and mean another. You pretend to be interested in baseball but all you want to talk about is what I think of your hair, do I like your new dress, how different I look since I started working out, do I want to go to the movies with you, or how much you like my hair. You kiss me when I'm not ready for it; you pretend everything is fine when it isn't. You expect me to know what you're thinking without giving me a clue…" He trailed off, shaking his head and looking away from me towards the big window facing the field. He was taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly, attempting to calm himself. "I don't understand what you all want from me."

I couldn't really blame Edward for not understanding what I was so clumsily trying to get him to see. I was unable to vocalize the hurt I'd felt knowing that he didn't see me the same way he saw Tanya or even Lauren. I wasn't even sure if I understood it myself, yet I expected him to just know how I felt… _Wait; did he say something about a kiss? She kissed him? Did he like it? Did he kiss her back? _

The lunch I'd so thoroughly enjoyed not twenty minutes ago, suddenly felt heavy in my stomach. I wanted to run to the nearest bathroom and either cry or throw up. Maybe both.

"You kissed her?" My leg started to shake and my skin started to feel all clammy.

"Well, more like she kissed me." His eyes darted to the left, avoiding mine.

_Don't ask, don't ask…. _"Did you like it?" I wanted to throw up the minute I asked. But the lunacy of an almost fifteen year old girl knows no bounds.

"I'm not sure." I watched in horror as the tips of his ears turned pink. And the corner of his mouth turned up into a tiny smile.

"You're not sure? How can you not be sure?" Seriously? Again with the "I'm not sure" crap? What sense does that make?

He shrugged and continued avoiding my eyes.

"It's a 'yes' or 'no' question, Edward." I demanded. The shrillness of my voice must've surprised or possibly scared him, because his frightened eyes met my glare.

"I _think_ I liked it. She smelled nice and her hair was really soft."

"Well that's just great!"

"Why are you so angry?"

"I don't know!" I half screamed at him.

Edward lowered his voice and moved to touch my hand. "Bella, what's wrong?" I pulled back my shaking hands and tucked them underneath my legs. I didn't know why, but something told me that at that moment, I wouldn't be able to tolerate his touch.

Edward slumped in his seat dejectedly. "Bella, I don't know what you want me to say. I already told you that I didn't mean to hurt you. You believe me right?" I nodded but continued to look away from him. "I answered your questions. What else you want from me?"

He had a right to ask that question. The emotions swirled in my head like one of those hypnotist wheelie things. Which as my still size 16 butt will attest, do not work. There was a part of me that didn't want him to spend time with Tanya and Lauren because he was my friend. They had their chance with him but chose instead to berate and ignore what a wonderful person he is. And now all of a sudden he's worth their time because he's working out and playing baseball. I was his friend when he was just a comic book reading, Monopoly playing and dance class attending, kid.

He was mine and I didn't want to share.

And grouped in with my teen logic on friend ownership, way back in the far corner of my addled brain, behind the discarded Care Bear sheets and fuzzy pink Miss Piggy slippers of my childhood, there was a hint of what I vaguely recognized as jealousy peeking out. I wasn't just jealous that he'd spent time with someone else, I was jealous that he kissed a girl and _possibly_ liked it.

Suddenly everything Aunt Janet had said last week made sense. Edward wasn't 'My Edward' anymore. She'd said that he was changing and that girls would start to take notice. I'd nodded and agreed with her, but the truth was that until presented with the fact that not only were girls taking notice of his changing body, confidence and self esteem, but that HE was also noticing things like how they smelled and that their hair was soft, I'd deluded myself into thinking that I might be all he would need.

The look on Edward's face window was startling. My friend was in turmoil. He looked like I felt, terrible.

He had the same look on his face when we'd found a half dead bunny in his back yard the summer before. We couldn't figure out what was wrong with it. There weren't signs of an obvious injury yet it just laid there stretched out under a bush. When we would approach it, the poor thing would try to move but its back legs wouldn't respond. Edward was beside himself. Esme had told us to leave it alone and Edward's father would take care of it when he got home that night. But Edward wouldn't leave it alone. He brought his laptop out to the yard and we sat for hours by the bunny looking up solutions on the internet. There was surprisingly very little on the care of wild rabbits. He brought it a dish of water and much to the horror of his mother, he'd gone through her garden plucking several choice vegetables and presenting them to his patient, hoping he'd be able to entice it to eat. No matter what Edward tried, the bunny continued to lay there unmoving, watching us with sad and scared brown eyes.

Later when Emmett and Jasper had wandered through the back yard, there'd been several tense moments as the older boys wanted to 'put it out of its misery'. Edward fought them back claiming that when his dad arrived home, he'd be able to fix his new friend. Eventually they got bored and left. When Aunt Janet called me home for dinner, I regretfully left, leaving Edward sitting beside 'Bugsy'. As I'd walked away I heard Edward telling the non-responsive animal that as soon as Bugsy got better, he would build him a cage and bring him into the house where he'd never have to worry about being chased by dogs and cats. Where he'd have fresh vegetables to munch on every day. I'd called the house later that night hoping to hear good news but instead I was presented with a distraught Edward. Carlisle had diagnosed 'Bugsy' with a broken back and claimed that there was nothing he could do for him. Through Edward's sobs, I'd learned that Carlisle told him that if left in his current state, 'Bugsy' would eventually die a painful death of dehydration or be eaten by a predator. Edward had been the one to administer the shot that had mercifully ended Bugsy's life. The next day at the funeral, I'd seen the same look on his face as I was seeing now; frustration, anger and hurt were evident in his scowl and sad green eyes.

Edward was a genius and as such there was very little he couldn't figure out, but when presented with a problem that his big brain didn't understand, he'd become angry and despondent. I'd seen it when he couldn't fix 'Bugsy' and I was seeing it on his face now.

I couldn't help him with 'Bugsy' but I could at least try to stop acting like a crazy person and own up to my part in putting that look on his face.

I pushed down my own feelings of frustration and anger and tried to open up to my friend.

"Edward," I took a deep breath as his eyes met mine, pleading for me to give him the answers he needed. "I've been acting like a jerk." I paused and waited for his smirk to disappear before I continued. "I'm sorry."

"Then tell me why you've been acting like this?"

"I'm not sure." I answered honestly but looked away at his questioning eyes.

I heard his familiar sigh of frustration. It was a sound that I'd become more familiar with than I liked to admit.

"You're not sure? Bella, you ask me questions I don't have the answers for. You ask me to explain why I left with Tayna and when I can't, you don't believe me." I opened my mouth for a retort but Edward stopped me with a wave off. "No, my turn to talk." I nodded as he continued.

"Look, I didn't choose them over you, at least not in the way you think I did. Bella, you're my best friend but I feel different around Tanya. The things she was saying…it made me feel, I don't know, _different_."

"Different?" His face turned a light shade of pink at my question.

"Um, well, not Edward the smart nerd who can repeat every line from every Star Wars movie on command, or Edward, Emmett's little brother the clumsy dance guy. She made me feel like I was Edward the athlete. Tanya treats me like the girls treat the other guys on the team. Her attention made me feel… powerful. "

_If Tanya treated him like a regular guy…"_How do I treat you?" As far as I could tell, he hadn't mentioned anyone treating him like he was the most important person in their life. He had to know that's how I feel about him. _Right?_

"You treat me like I'm your best friend. And you're my best friend." He assured me as a small smile appeared, pushing the scowl off his mouth.

Those words should have made my heart blow up from sheer happiness, but hearing them made me realize that I wanted him to care about me as more than a friend. "Edward, I care about you more than anyone else in the world." In for a penny, in for a pound as my aunt would say.

I released the breath I'd been holding and waited for him to catch up.

"I care about you too, Bella. " He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes in the universal language that said, _"Didn't we just cover this?" _

"I know you do but…" My voice trailed off. I couldn't bring myself to actually say the words, _I want you to hold my hand and think my hair smells good…I want you to kiss me._

The crowd suddenly erupted in cheers and screams, drawing Edward's attention to the field. His eyes widened in excitement as he rushed from our table to the big picture window and started cheering along with the other fans gathered around him. By the look and sound of the celebration, the Mariner's must've done something big.

The elation of the cheering crowd was lost on me as I sat alone amongst the remnants of our lunch. Our recent conversation played back in my head slowly. The words I'd said and the feelings behind them came rushing onto me like a heavy falling curtain or a furious wave, pulling me down into the depths of the cold ocean with the realization that I wanted a lot more from Edward than he was probably willing to give me.

If I told him how I really felt, assuming that I what I thought I was feeling was accurate and not just bad cheese steak, he might freak out. I knew deep down in my heart that Edward wouldn't hurt me on purpose but if I pushed him, I stood the chance of losing him forever. I mean after all, who would pick me over a girl like Tanya as a possible kissing partner?

Certainly not 'The future of Spartan baseball'.

My shoulders slumped as I watched Edward interact with the other fans in the ritzy club house. Their cheerful smiles and self assured back claps were in stark contrast to the darkness and uneasiness that currently surrounded me. They all moved with the grace that came with confidence and knowing where you fit in the world.

Edward was no longer the ungainly, bespectacled boy that suffered from low self esteem and confidence.

He belonged with those kinds of people.

He didn't belong with someone like me. I knew that, and in time I had a feeling that he would figure that fact out for himself. Was it wrong to want to keep him as long as I could?

"Bella, did you see that?" I shook my head and smiled as a hint of the old Edward I loved appeared on his less than boyish face.

Edward came rushing back to the table. "Michael Saunders just hit a home run, driving in Montero and Ackley. We're ahead by three." His excitement was so cute.

"Um, that's great."

"We should probably get back to our seats. The game is going to be over soon and if I know my mom and your aunt, we'll get our butts chewed for sure if they have to come looking for us." I nodded, grabbing the rest of our garbage to throw away and followed him out of the clubhouse.

The excitement we'd experienced in the clubhouse was nothing compared to the sounds of the crowd in the stands. If I hadn't been deep in the throes of a pity spiral, I'm sure I would've joined in with their revelry.

Edward hurried down the stairs to our seats. I followed at a more leisurely pace not wanting to give Emmett a second chance at watching me fall down the stairs.

By the time I was safely in my seat, the Twins were back up at bat with their last chance to try and take the game from the home team. Edward, Emmett and Jasper were talking animatedly with each other about the previous homerun and boasting about how they were sure, to quote Emmett, "The Twins didn't have a chance in hell of winning the game." I smiled at Edward when he tapped me on the shoulder in excitement when relief pitcher, Tom Wilhelmsen struck out his second batter. The Twins had one more out left with the tying run at bat.

I stood up and clapped with the rest of the crowd as the count went to two strikes and two balls. I did the wave as short stop, Doug Bernier dug into the batter's box and let the ball number three pass him by.

The excitement built as the crowd began stomping their feet in anticipation of the last out that would seal a Mariner's victory. Bernier took a few practice swings and took his stance. The stands went crazy when he hit a foul ball down the third base line.

"Emmett Michael Cullen! Get down from there!" My current heartache was momentarily forgotten as Emmett leapt from his seat and began climbing the foul ball cargo net in front of us. Edward, Jasper and I laughed and pointed at him as he hung there with a big goofy smile on his face and his glove poised over the top of the net in hopes of snagging a foul ball.

Park security came rushing down the stands. "Ma'am, you have to get him down from there. The net can't hold his weight." Esme could only nod at them as Carlisle and Uncle Mark tried to grab Emmett's ankles.

"You hear that, and Em? The net can't hold your fat butt." Edward yelled up to his precariously perched baboon of a brother.

The net wavered erratically as he let go with his right hand to flip us the 'finger'.

"Oh my God! Emmett, stop moving!" Esme screamed at her eldest son.

In the confusion, we hadn't noticed that the game had resumed. I held my breath as Bernier took a swing and knocked a foul ball back towards Emmett.

"I can't watch." Esme exclaimed, hiding her face in her hands as Emmett leaned way over the top of the net to snag the ball.

"I got it! I got it!" He yelled enthusiastically. Everyone in the park clapped and screamed as Emmett clambered down the net with his prize.

"Ma'am we're going to have to ask you to leave the park." Esme nodded weakly at the security guy, with a groan, she and Aunt Janet bent to quickly gather their things from the seating area.

Uncle Mark's laughter was in stark contrast to the embarrassment evident on Carlisle's face.

"Did you guys see my awesome catch?" Emmett asked over his shoulders as his father ushered him up the stands via a stern hold on his neck.

Jasper laughed and pointed behind us back towards the field where Emmett's exploits were being replayed on the jumbotron. "Dude, everyone saw it."

Emmett's eye's widened to the point where I thought they might pop out of their sockets. "See that Stumble Bee? I'm a star!" I didn't even try to hide my amusement as Carlisle shook his head and pushed Emmett up the stairs.

"I knew it was only a matter of time before he got us thrown out." Edward muttered as both families trouped out of the stands.

"I'm so embarrassed."

Aunt Janet laughed. "Oh Es, just be thankful he didn't fall and break something."

"By the time I get done with him, he'll wish he only had a broken foot." Esme vowed.

Jasper, Edward and I giggled as we came upon the families at the exit where Esme was trying to discipline her euphoric son while Carlisle stood quietly by shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose. _Hmmm, so Edward's trait was inherited from his dad._

"…and another thing, if you think you're going to keep your license after this… this embarrassing and dangerous display…" Her speech was interrupted when a group of kids ran up to Em asking for his autograph, which Emmett was more than willing to supply.

"Oh lord, there'll be no living with him now." Esme threw up her hands and leaned on her husband, hiding her face in his shoulder. He patted her back softly as Emmett signed the kid's programs.

"Edward, why don't you ride with us back to the hotel? Let's give your parents a moment with your brother."

Edward shrugged,"Um, sure." Esme smiled gratefully at my aunt as we started towards the Tahoe. I looked back to see Emmett being pulled towards their car by his irate mother. From the look on his face he'd not considered having to be alone in an enclosed space with his parents when he'd made the decision to jump on that net.

The excitement of Emmett's daring feat was the topic of conversation as we settled into the car and headed back to the hotel.

"I can't believe he did that."

Edward snorted, "I can."

"It was so cool." Jasper's comment earned a quick reproach from the front seat.

"It was most certainly not cool. It was a silly and dangerous thing to do. Just think how upset his mother would've been if he'd been hurt." Aunt Janet scolded.

"He got a game ball. He might even be on Sports Center. Worth it." Jasper countered under his breath.

"Son, that's enough." Uncle Mark's voice was stern, but his eyes were smiling in the rear view mirror.

Jasper huffed but wisely stayed silent.

The ride to the hotel was blessedly short, and with all of the excitement at the field, I hadn't had time to dwell on my newest problem. The problem that was currently sitting right next to me. The 'problem' that I was trying desperately not to lean into and sniff his shirt.

_Oh god. What was wrong with me? I wanted to sniff his shirt? I knew what Edward smelled like. He smelled like sweat and grass and…boy._ I hung my head down and let out a little groan.

"Are you okay?" The object of my affection or delusion, whatever the case may be, asked.

I nodded quickly and looked out the window.

I could feel him shift nervously beside me. "Are we okay?" He half whispered in my ear. I stiffened at his voice and nodded again.

"Are you sure?" I knew that he wouldn't stop asking until I spoke, so with every ounce of sanity I still possessed, I plastered a smile on my face and turned towards him.

"Yeah, we're good." He visibly relaxed but it didn't quite reach his eyes. We both knew that there was still something wrong, but neither of us knew what exactly it was nor how to begin fixing it.

So we did what normal teenagers do, we shoved it under the rug and hoped that somehow, we'd wake up the next morning with the whole thing magically resolved and everyone was back to normal.

But I knew that wasn't going to happen.

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><p>Rut Roh Shaggy, I think I see angst ahead. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter. It was a bugger to write and took over three weeks to get it right.<p>

As always, thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it very much.

ruinedbyrob


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: SM still owns the originals, but these faded copies are mine and I love them dearly.

My beta is Mullet86. She corrects my grammar and punctuation without asking for anything in return. Thank you J! I did a little tweaking before posting this chapter. All mistakes are mine.

* * *

><p>Reflections<p>

Chapter 14

"Bella, do you need any laundry done before you start packing?" I sighed heavily at my aunt's reminder that I was once again leaving my safe haven in Forks. Well, somewhat safe. There were portions of this summer that I'd much rather leave behind me.

I kicked my beloved purple suitcase and answered my aunt. "No, thank you. I'm good."

_Good _was the opposite of what I actually was.

As I returned to gathering up the remnants of my baffling summer, I couldn't help the memories that floated out as I packed.

I aimlessly shoved socks, undies and other random articles of clothing into my bag.

When I got to my Mariners jersey, I stopped packing and plopped down onto the, bed. My fingers rubbed absently up and down the satiny sleeve of my number twenty-three jersey. The memory of the actual game was faded against the brighter and louder memories of my conversation with Edward. The day had started out confused and ended with my head even more twisted up. My hands clenched tightly around the shirt as I remembered how Edward admitted to kissing Tanya.

_Technically_, he'd said that _she_ kissed _him_, but the end result was the same. His lips touched hers. The moment that admission left his lips, sooner if I was being honest, I knew that my feelings towards him had changed. My aunt had tried to warn me. She'd told me that Edward was changing into a young man and that the girls would soon be all over him. I hadn't believed her. I chose instead to wrap myself in the delusion that I'd never have to share Edward and we'd be best friends forever.

Up until Tanya had decided to press her shiny, pink lips all over my best friend, it had been an easy sweater to wear. He'd appeared to be unaffected all through the last school year when girls started leaving notes in his locker. We'd shared several emails and phone calls laughing over their attempts at gaining his attention. The late night giggling phone calls/hang ups, calling his name across the cafeteria…all of their attempts had been ignored, until Tanya.

I shoved my jersey in with the rest of my clothes and stood up to make another run through the room. My comic books were stacked neatly next to the bedside table with the most recently read copy on top. Usually Edward and I would trade stacks at least once a week. But this summer he'd been so busy with baseball and kissing shiny haired jerks that my _'read' _stack was triple the size of my _'to be read' _pile. On a whim, I grabbed them all up and carried them down the hallway to Jasper's room.

"Hey, do you want to read my comics while I'm gone?" I asked, poking my head into his room.

"Seriously?" I shouldn't have been surprised by his question. I'm a bit selfish with my comics.

"Yeah, why leave them sitting around all year?" I shrugged and sat the pile carefully down onto his desk.

"Wow! I mean thank you." He jumped up from his bed and began leafing through the pile.

"You've got the new Deadpool!" His eyes lit up with delight.

"I have the whole _Deadpool Kills The Marvel Universe_ series," I handed him one of my favorites. "This one is really good."

"Thanks." Jasper greedily grabbed the comic and hopped back onto his bed to start reading. I lingered in the doorway watching him devour the adventures of my favorite masked mercenary.

I turned to return to my depressing task when I was stopped by a question I didn't know how to answer.

"Hey, why aren't you saving these for Edward? " Why couldn't he just giggle at Deadpool's smart alecky remarks and leave it at that?

"Can't a girl share with her favorite cousin?" I asked hoping I sounded convincing.

Jasper's raised eyebrow proved me wrong.

"Uh, huh and the fact that you and Edward are being weird with each other has nothing to do with it?" My heart clenched painfully at Jasper's words.

The truth was that my cousin's astute observation couldn't have hurt more if he'd carved out my heart with a spoon.

After the game we'd returned to the hotel with the uneasy agreement that we were 'Okay' hung over our heads as we'd spent the night in close quarters with each other. Both sets of parents had decided that they needed a night away from the 'children'. They'd made arrangements to eat at some fancy restaurant, leaving the rest of us in the hotel with strict orders to not abuse room service and a rather threatening warning delivered to Emmett from his mother stating that, "He'd be sorry" should he even look cross wise at anyone. After delivering the warning, Esme slumped into my aunt's shoulder muttering something about needing a drink and they left.

They'd left the four of us congregated in Jasper's and my room. Emmett and Jasper had taken possession of the beds with Edward on the couch, leaving me the plush easy chair. Dinner had been ordered off the hotel menu and the television was on and set to ESPN in hopes that Emmett's antics would indeed show up on the highlight reel. While we waited for our cheeseburgers to arrive, the boys rehashed the day.

"J, did you get a load of that redhead that was checking me out at the pizza stand?"

"What makes you so sure that it was you she was checking out?" Was Jasper's eyebrow wiggling retort.

"Well it sure wasn't your skinny butt she was ogling. Everyone knows that women want a little something to hang on to." Emmett pushed his butt out and shook it in Jasper's face.

I was about to ask Emmett how he would know what a woman would want when Jasper spoke up.

"Get your giant butt out of my face you juvenile baboon!" Jasper had exclaimed attempting to push Emmett out of his face without actually touching his butt. A task made more difficult as Em continued dancing around.

"If you morons don't stop dancing around like a bunch of hyped up circus bears, you're going to get us thrown out of here and mom will be even angrier." Edward's exclamation caused the other boys to stop their odd dance to glare at him.

Edward's harsh tone surprised and angered the boys, but to me, it showed that all wasn't well in 'Edward land'. And I could only guess that the turmoil evident on Edward's face was also evident on mine, though I wasn't drawing attention to my confusion by poking the giant bear in the room with a stick.

The night had continued with Emmett and Jasper hogging most of the room and the conversation. Dinner arrived followed by a lot of excitement when Emmett's dimpled face did indeed show up on ESPN's highlight reel. I admit that watching Em hang from the net with the excitement of catching the foul ball clearly showing on his face, was amazing. We all took time out to revel in his 'moment' before reality once again set in. Well, it set in for everyone but Emmett, who was sure that soon there would be offers rolling in for him to appear on "American Gladiator".

The night had ended after several hands of cards. We'd started with hearts but had ended up playing poker using sticks of gum, M&M's and IOU's for betting. Jasper once again came out on top but it was Edward's inability to bluff to Emmett that was surprising. His tells were easy for me to see, but it was rare that they were so blatant that even Emmett noticed them.

It's not as if Edward and I were trying to avoid each other, but it was obvious that we weren't actively engaging each other in conversation either.

Luckily, with Emmett around the spotlight was never on the two of us for very long. His animated chatter and clowning around made it easy to keep my mind focused on him rather than the thoughts of Edward's lips touching Tanya's or the fluttering in my stomach that occurred whenever he smiled or laughed.

Around midnight the adults returned to find all of us in various positions all over the room. Edward and I each had a bed while Jasper and Emmett were on the floor. After waking us all up, and confirming via the front desk that we hadn't accessed any pay per view porn channels, much to Emmett's annoyance, Emmett and Edward were ushered out of our room.

The next morning was a blur of activity as Aunt Janet went into packing mode. We'd only been in the hotel for twenty-four hours yet the way she'd acted you'd thought we'd been here for weeks. It was actually kind of a blessing, her preoccupation with checking and re-checking under beds, in showers and drawers kept her from questioning me about my conversation at the ballpark with Edward.

We'd met Edward and everyone for breakfast in the hotel restaurant. Edward and I sat next to each other, chatting casually, munching on made to order omelets and fresh orange juice while watching Emmett stuff himself with Belgian waffles, bacon and biscuits with gravy.

The conversation at the table was animated and thanks to Emmett, loud. There were more than a few people who turned to watch our table. A fact that Emmett attributed to his celebrity status, while Edward concluded it was more due to the fact the other diners had never seen one person shove so much food into his face at one time. Edward's point was proven when Em stuffed an entire waffle into his mouth and proceeded to choke. Carlisle gave Em one quick Heimlich 'hug' which displaced the waffle chunk and Esme delivered a swift smack to his back with a clear look of displeasure on her face at having her eldest son once again drawing unwanted attention himself.

After breakfast, we all headed to the parking lot where Emmett begged to be allowed to ride with Jasper. Esme had quickly given her permission claiming that she had a headache and could use a little quiet while glaring at her eldest son.

Edward quickly invited me to ride with him and his parents. Of course I accepted. Regardless of what was going on, he was still my friend and not accepting his invitation would draw even more attention to the fact that Edward and my relationship had changed.

We all got into our respective cars and headed back to Forks. The ride home was made in relative ease. Edward and I chatted about the game, Em's antics, which elicited a groan from his mother in the front seat and what our plans were for the rest of the summer. He still had commitments with the team and the weekend before I left to go back home, he would be participating in a tournament in Port Angeles. Pretty much all of the cities along Highway 101 with a high school baseball team would be attending. Edward was very excited because the coaches had hinted that they may take him off the bench and put him in the game. Not as a pitcher but Edward wasn't upset. He'd play any position as long as he got to play. I smiled at his enthusiasm and promised to go, even if I had to ride with Emmett to get there.

I remembered passing Port Angeles, but the next thing I recalled was being gently shaken awake by a sleepy eyed Edward as we pulled into my aunt's driveway.

We said goodbye and promised to meet the next day for a movie after baseball practice.

There wasn't a movie the next day or for the rest of the week. Only a phone call telling me that his coaches had put the team through a rigorous practice and he was too tired to do anything but sleep. He'd asked for a rain check and I'd cheerfully gave him one, knowing that there was little chance he'd cash it until baseball season was over for good.

The weekend of the tournament arrived and I kept my promise to Edward. Jasper and I, after very stern warnings from both sets of parents, got into Emmett's newly acquired Ford Explorer and set off for Port Angeles. It wasn't a new car, but it was in decent shape with brand new snow tires and heated seats. Emmett's elation at finally being behind the wheel of his own vehicle was not dampened by his strict orders to follow closely behind the Cullen's Escalade all the way to Port Angeles.

We arrived in Port Angeles in one piece but not without three phone calls from Esme to Jasper's cell phone, telling Emmett to _"slow down."_

Despite his proclivity for speed, I was quite impressed with Em's driving. There was none of the boisterous behavior in the car that I'd come to expect from Emmett. He even admonished Jasper for having the radio too loud. It was if the moment he got behind the wheel, he grew up become…responsible.

Honestly, it was a bit discerning.

Our seats in the stands were nowhere as comfortable as the ones we had at the Mariner's game, but the fact that we were here to watch Edward play was hugely more important to me than a comfy chair.

The Spartans had the home field advantage as they squared off against the Hoquiam Grizzlies. Much to all of our disappointment, Edward didn't start the game, but his happiness to be suited up and on the roster was easy to see as he sat smiling on the bench. The game was fairly straightforward. The Spartans ended up beating the Grizzlies 4-3 with no appearance from Edward. With that win, they advanced to the second round against the Sequim Wolves.

Again, Edward started the game on the bench; we were halfway through the seventh inning when Demitri Steyvski sprained his ankle rounding the bases off a hard hit double to center field. We all clapped loudly as Demitri limped off the field but I clapped even louder as number twenty-three took his place at second base.

I found myself leaning forward in my seat as Edward bent over and began to lead off from the base. When he scored a run after stealing third, I jumped up and screamed loudly hoping he would hear my cheers, but somehow I don't think it was my enthusiastic clapping that caused his cheeks to turn bright red and a huge smile to appear on his sweaty face.

No. From my seat high up in the stands it was a no brainer that the cheers of the group of tank top and shorts clad girls sitting right behind the team bench that caused him to put a little more swagger in his step.

I recognized Lauren and Tanya immediately, but was unable to place the other three girls. Emmett soon noticed the girls waving and calling to Edward. In a tone that positively dripped with jealousy, he supplied their names as well as muttering about how they'd be cheering for a different Cullen as soon as football season started in September.

Apparently Jessica, Kate and Siobhan were frequent cohorts of the other two girls. That little nugget of knowledge put them firmly on the list of people I didn't like. In my mind I knew I was being unfair. These new girls had done nothing but cheer for my Edward. But in my confused and befuddled mind, the fact that they cheered for him while waving their skinny arms and shaking their big chests in his general direction was cause enough to make me not think kind thoughts about them.

The Wolves met the same fate as the Grizzlies only this time, number twenty-three had one run, one hit and no errors in right field entered into the official game record. Edward looked as happy as I'd ever seen him when they announced that the Spartans would be moving on to the finals against the Port Angeles Roughriders, although I'll admit to a twinge of jealousy as the team celebrated their win together. I knew that Edward had made friends on the team; I'd just never seen the camaraderie in person.

Carlisle and Esme left the stands to get sodas and to stretch their legs while the teams took a breather before the last game. Jasper and Emmett had found a couple of friends from school and left me alone to save our seats. Players of both teams meandered around the field as the crowds changed to get ready for the two teams to compete in the finals.

The gaggle of girls followed the Spartans as the teams changed benches. Once they had their bags and equipment stowed in the new dugout, several of the other guys wandered over to the fence. I watched them closely as they interacted with the girls, especially when Edward joined them. To my amazement, my usually shy friend took center stage within the group. He must've been telling a joke as all of the girls were laughing and flipping their hair around as they hung on the fence in front of Edward and the other guys.

My lip curled into a snarl when Tanya reached through the fence to touch Edward's arm.

"I'm going to use the restroom." I announced to Esme as I passed her on my way down the stands.

I stuck my hand under the faucet and tried to smooth the wayward strands of my braid down. After wiping my face with a damp paper towel, I took one more look into the dirty bathroom mirror. Unfortunately, a quick wipe down would only wipe away the grit and grime from sitting outside for the last several hours, it would not change my cheeks from pudgy to lean. It wouldn't make my boring brown eyes suddenly pop with beautiful color or suddenly give my dull hair the shiny sheen or bounce that the other girls' hair had, but there was very little I could do about those shortcomings here in the dingy bathroom of a baseball park.

An unexpected blast of heat hit my face as I walked out of the restroom. The sun had come out from behind the clouds and was rapidly raising the outside temperature and giving me an idea of how I could walk over to Edward without looking like some ridiculous groupie.

"One fruit punch Powerade, please." I handed over my dollar to the concession guy and turned to make my way towards Edward.

"You'd better watch yourself 'G', I think Edward is looking to take over your spot on the roster and maybe move in on your sister too." I winced as Tanya giggled and reached out to touch Edward's hand through the fence. He grimaced slightly but pulled his hand back before she could grab him.

"If he thinks he's going to take my spot on the mound, he'd better start working on a new change up, because the one he has sucks," The bigger boy nudged Edward's shoulder good naturedly. "As to my sister, all I can say is good luck buddy," He paused to put a firm hand on Edward's shoulder. "because you're going to need it." Everyone in the group except Edward laughed. Instead, he turned a funny shade of pink and ducked his head shyly before joining in with their laughter.

Hearing Edward join in with the laughter halted my forward movement. I started to hustle back to the stands when I heard Edward's voice calling me back.

"Hey, Bella!"

I turned back towards him. He'd moved away from the center of the group and waved me over, a broad smile covered his sweaty face. I clutched the sports drink tightly, plastered a smile on my face and walked over to the fence.

"Hi!" Edward called out. He walked right up to the fence and beckoned me closer. Squaring my shoulders and taking a deep breath, I ignored the glares from Tanya and company and headed over to Edward.

"Here," I handed him the drink I'd purchased at the concession stand. "I thought you could use a cold drink." Edward smiled widely and leaned over to take the bottle of red liquid.

"Thanks Bella, I…"

"That's great Bell, but I already brought Edward a drink." I stiffened at Tanya's use of yet another nickname for me, but kept my mouth shut. I followed her manicured finger's movement to the bottle of grape Gatorade sitting on the ground next to Edward's feet.

Tanya flashed her fake smile and edged a little closer to the fence. "If he drinks both of them, he'll have to leave the game to pee. We can't have that now can we?"

I had a sudden feeling of déjà vu when she reached over to take the Powerade from Edward's hand.

"No." Edward pulled his hand out of her reach. "Actually Tanya, I barely drank any of the Gatorade and fruit punch Powerade is my favorite." My mouth fell open as Edward handed Tanya the barely touched Gatorade, before opening the bottle I gave him and took a big drink.

_Did he just…reject Tanya's beverage? What the heck just happened?_

"Thank you Bella that really hit the spot." Edward smiled broadly and wiped the red drops from his lips with his arm.

"You're welcome." I managed to stammer, ignoring Tanya's heated gaze.

Edward took another drink as Tanya huffed beside me. "Edward, I bought that for you." She whined.

"I didn't ask you to do that Tanya."

"But I wanted to…" Edward held up a hand to stop her.

"Thank you for thinking of me, but I'd rather have the one Bella brought. B, Come meet the guys." He motioned towards the rest of his team who were all staring at us. I hesitated. I hadn't really thought this plan all the way through. I'd just wanted to bring him a cold drink on a hot day. Okay, _maybe_ I saw Tanya give him the Gatorade. And _maybe_ I bought the Powerade knowing that it was his favorite and _hoped_ that he would pick my offering over hers. But I hadn't anticipated having to meet the guys on his team or the other girls in Tanya's pack.

"Bella come here and meet the guys." I wiped the condensation that had collected on my hands from his drink onto my jeans and moved over to where Edward was standing with his team. Tanya and her girls moved back a step as I approached the fence. I didn't honestly know which group I was more nervous to be around. The group of guys was intimidating enough, but the girls with their glares and defensive posturing were really freaking scary.

"Who do we have here?" The guy I recognized as the short stop asked. He was smiling, but the smarmy tone of his voice and the way he was looking at me, like I was a circus freak oddity was making me very uncomfortable.

"James, this is Bella." Edward answered and then made the same introductions to the rest of the crowd.

I returned the head nods and random "hey" before returning all my attention to Edward.

"So, are you Ed's girl?" James asked with a smirk. My breath quickened at his question. _Was I? Did I want to be his 'girl'? Would he want me to be his 'girl'? What would it mean to be his 'girl'? _

I held my breath, waiting for Edward's answer.

"No." He answered quickly, shaking his head back in forth. "She's just my friend."

_Friend? Not best friend, just a friend?_

My face burned with, what I felt was a denial of how much I meant to him. Hadn't he just told me a week earlier at the game that he cared for me and that I was his _best friend_?

At least I thought he had.

I guess I was wrong. _Again._

The other boys nodded at Edward's statement, accepting his answer easily, but the shaggy, blond haired one, the one they called James, looked right through me. His eyes were emotionless as his lips curled up into a knowing smirk before grabbing his mitt and announcing he was going to begin warming up for the game. His stare left me feeling as if I'd been evaluated and found to be lacking.

It was a familiar feeling.

He turned and walked over to the dugout. One by one, the other boys followed suit. Edward watched them go before turning back to me. "It looks like I need to get back to work." He announced happily, grabbing his mitt and the PowerAde from the ground at his feet. There was no indication at all that he understood how his casual words had made me feel.

"You better get back to the stands so you'll have a good view. I'm going to start at third base." He proudly proclaimed.

"Ok." His face fell for a second at my less than enthusiastic tone.

"Don't worry. I'll be right up there cheering you on." I quickly righted myself. This was his day and I needed to be supportive. I'd figure everything else out later.

His smile reappeared.

"We'll be cheering for you too, Edward." Tanya announced sweetly as the rest of her group bobbed their heads in agreement.

"Um, thanks guys." With a quick wave, Edward ran off to join his team leaving me at the fence with the hyenas.

It wasn't thirty seconds after he left before the leader bared her teeth.

Tanya whipped around quickly to face me, her balled up fists planted firmly on her slim hips. "You go right on being his _friend_ Becca, because I don't have any interest in being _just his friend_." She snarled before leading the pack away. I could hear their laughter as they sauntered away to take up their position along the fence behind the dugout.

I wished I didn't understand what she meant, but there was no doubt in my mind that Tanya wanted Edward to be her boyfriend. My only thought as I trooped back up the stands was that I didn't think Edward was on board with her plan, at least for now anyway.

"Bella, that was very sweet of you to take that drink to Edward." Esme called down to me from her position at the opposite end of the row. "I'm sure he appreciated your thoughtfulness."

I smiled at her and sat down next to Jasper just as the teams took the field. My eyes were drawn to where Edward was warming up at third base. I was amazed at how graceful he looked as he scooped up grounders and threw them effortlessly to first base and home plate. I'd been playing catch with Edward for the last two summers, I knew he had an amazingly accurate arm, but it was a shock to see how good he really was in a game. While his intelligence and age had held him back from being accepted by most of the older students in his school, that division wasn't evident at all on the field. Edward's constant battling with his mother over giving up dance for baseball and his nightly practices with his dad, coupled with summer sessions with me, had clearly paid off. It was clearly evident that he'd been accepted by his teammates. He was one of them and I couldn't have been happier for him to have achieved his dream.

Once the game started my mind was occupied with cheering the Spartans on to another victory. Edward played the whole game adding another double, two runs batted in and three stolen bases to his totals. I clapped and cheered along with everyone else as the Spartans beat the home team five runs to three.

Edward was required to ride home on the team bus, so it was Jasper and me in the car with Emmett headed back to Forks.

The ride home was uneventful except for a minor parking lot scuffle between Em and Jasper over whether there would be eating in his car. One quick mention of what Jasper referred to as, 'the cocoa incident' and Emmett quickly relented and grudgingly allowing Jasper to bring his soda and nachos into the car. It was difficult to keep a straight face as the boy I'd personally seen drop, spill or wear more food in a weekend then most people even attempt to eat in a week, issued a stern warning to both us that we better not make a mess in his car.

After thanking Emmett for getting us there and back in one piece, Jasper and I entered the house where we were promptly ordered to wash up and "Get our butts to the dining room for dinner."

Over my aunt's famous poppy-seed chicken casserole with steamed broccoli and homemade bread, we were quizzed about Emmett's driving and the game.

"Did you enjoy the games?" We both nodded, each taking a turn giving her a play by play of the day's events.

"How was riding with Emmett. Was the speed limit ever breached?" We both shook our heads 'no'.

"Did you remember to wear your seatbelts?"

Jasper rolled his eyes before answering. "Mom, would you relax? Please."

My aunt quickly turned her critical eye on me. I reiterated what Jasper had been trying to say with his eye roll. "Believe it or not, Emmett is a different person when he's behind the wheel. There was no speeding, dangerous lane changes or unnecessary fart jokes."

"You mean there are times when a fart joke is unnecessary?" Uncle Mark asked cheekily.

"Dear, don't encourage them."

After dinner I retreated to my room to go over the day's events. I'd successfully lived through a road trip with Emmett at the wheel. I'd gotten to watch Edward's talent on the ball field take center stage. His talent was undeniable and the fact that he was only fourteen years old only made his abilities even more noteworthy. Despite the interaction with Tanya and her crew, I was going to consider this a good day. I smiled to myself thinking about the look on Tanya's face when Edward had rejected her offering and had chosen mine. Her pretty face had contorted into a something quite ugly. I don't think Edward noticed. Not that it mattered. I'd seen her lose her cool and as brief as it was, I was definitely going to consider it a victory. However, her comment about wanting to become Edward's girlfriend had lessened that winning feeling somewhat. As had his comment to his friends that I was _just a friend._

I tucked the feeling of my half win around me and allowed myself to fall into a deep sleep.

The morning after the tournament brought abnormally bright rays of sunshine streaming through my sage curtains. As I lay in bed watching the rays of light dance around my room, I was overcome with a feeling of contentment. It was an emotion that was fairly common to me when I was residing in Forks, though it had been somewhat spotty this summer. With Edward's absence due to his rigid baseball schedule, I'd found myself alone more often than not this trip. Coupled with his willingness to spend some of his free time with girls like Tanya, this summer hadn't been what I'd expected when I'd stepped off the plane in Port Angeles ten weeks ago.

I'd been absolutely bursting with excitement over escaping the oppressive heat of Phoenix and the contemptuous glares from my mother only to find out that my best friend had grown up while I was gone. He wasn't a grown up like my aunt or Charlie were; it's not like he had a job and a mortgage, but there was a measurable difference in his physical appearance and attitudes. I'd been slow to recognize the changes in his appearance, but the realization that my glasses wearing, shorter than me, ballet dancing friend had grown nearly five inches in my absence, switched from glasses to contact lenses and had traded his ballet shoes in for a baseball mitt, hit me like a ton of bricks. After the brick dust had settled and Aunt Janet helped to sort my feelings out, I was able stand back and see that he wasn't the same kid that attempted a twirl in the driveway only to end up on the ground with a severely sprained ankle and a gallon of rapidly melting ice cream the night of my arrival last summer.

No. He wasn't a boy anymore. I knew it and more importantly, so did girls like Tanya and Lauren.

"Bella, what are your plans for the day." Aunt Janet asked while setting down a glass of orange juice next to my rapidly disappearing stack of blueberry pancakes.

I wiped my mouth as delicately as one can when there's delicious boysenberry syrup dripping down ones chin. "Um, I guess I should get started on my packing?" I asked hoping she'd have a list of chores errands that needed to be done. Anything I could do instead of preparing myself to return to Phoenix.

"Well sweetie, you know how I feel about doing a thorough packing job," Jasper kicked my foot under the table and rolled his eyes. My aunt was the definition of a 'packing perfectionist'. "however, maybe you should leave the packing for a day and instead give Edward a call to come over and watch a movie?" The clanking of Jasper's fork hitting the table at his mother's uncharacteristic statement echoed off the yellow kitchen walls.

"Son, pick up your silverware and close your mouth. You look like something your uncle would catch and eat." Jasper instinctively reached down to pick up his discarded utensil, laughing quietly at his mother.

"Do you want me to make some popcorn?" Edward's eyes narrowed in thought.

"Hmm, let's wait on that for now. I'm still kind of full from lunch." He rubbed is stomach dramatically.

I nodded and hit play on the Blu-Ray player. The sounds of the circus filled the room as the movie Water for Elephants began to play. Edward had wanted to watch Battleship, and we'd had a momentary disagreement over what to watch. In the end, we'd played 'Paper, Rock, and Scissors' to decide who got to decide the first movie. I'd beaten him two games out three, Edward almost always chose paper, so we were about to enjoy the new movie starring the actor from the vampire movies that Aunt Janet had me hooked on. It was the first time that I could remember Edward and me not agreeing immediately on what movie to watch.

"You know if you're going to act like a complete dork every time that goof comes on the screen, I'm going to insist that there be a batch of your famous chocolate chip cookies in my near future." He rolled his eyes as I sheepishly unclenched the pillow I had in a death grip and let out the breath I'd been holding.

He shook his head playfully and turned back to the movie.

Silently we watched Jacob and Marlena fall in love under the worst circumstances. And we both held our breaths when Rosie the elephant took a beating.

When Jacob and Marlena jumped the train and spent the night together in the hotel room, my eyes were glued to the screen as they expressed their love for each other.

However, Edward was not as interested. He made unrestrained gagging noises as the two main characters kissed and touched each other on the small hotel bed.

"Stop it." I whispered while elbowing him in the ribs.

"I don't know what you see in that guy."

"What do you mean?"

He pursed his lips together until they resembled a ducks bill.

"Well, look at him. I don't even think he's athletic." _Huh?_

"So?" My question dripped with annoyance.

"Girls only like guys who play sports." He murmured.

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is." His voice turned serious. The teasing tone he'd used earlier to demand I bake him cookies was gone. "No one wanted anything to do with me until I started playing baseball. Now I get invited to girl's houses," He paused and tugged harshly at his hair. " and dances."

_Dances?_

I paused the movie. The object of my cinematic affections face filled the screen as I turned to address the boy who held all of my real life affection. "What dance?" I swallowed thickly awaiting his answer, and dreading it all the same.

Edward leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs, sighing heavily. That familiar lump in my stomach churned and gurgled.

"Um, well, Tanya, she um… "Edward leaned back into the couch, letting his head sink heavily onto the padded headrest.

"She what, Edward?" I demanded.

Edward groaned and rolled his head to the side. I couldn't see them closely in the dim light of the room, but I knew instinctively that they would be a bright green, just like they always were when he was trying to figure something out, but the answer was eluding his big brain.

"She asked me to take her to the End of Summer Ball."

"What did you say?" I managed to keep the squeak out of my voice even though my lungs could barely manage to hold air.

"I told her I was busy and couldn't go."

"Oh."

"I told her that I was spending that night with my best friend before she left to go home."

I couldn't help the smile that curled at my lips. "What did Tanya say?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing. She just kind of stood there looking stunned. I thanked her for asking me and then walked away."

"You didn't want to go to the dance?" I couldn't help but ask him why he'd said no to her invitation. Did he not want to go to the dance or was he just wishing someone else would ask him?

"Are you serious?" He scrunched up his nose in distaste.

I shrugged at his question. "Yeah, I mean, you don't think it might be fun seeing the country club all decked out? I hear they have a live band," I leaned over and nudged him playfully. "and a chocolate fountain."

He cocked an eyebrow at me and rubbed his chin, deep in pretend thought. "A chocolate fountain you say?" I nodded.

"Can you imagine Emmett dressed in his Sunday best in a room with a chocolate fountain?"

"Oh my gosh, it would be a massacre."

"He'd have chocolate dripping down the sides of his mouth like a vampire on a blood binge. Only with Em, it would be marshmallows, cookies and strawberries that would be on the endangered list, not necks." We both laughed at the mental image of Emmett running around the fancy club dining room with melted chocolate dripping down the corners of his mouth.

Our laughter dies down to low chuckles until finally we were once again sitting in silence.

"Bella, did you, um, did you want to go to the dance?"

_Was he asking me to the dance? What do I say? _

My heart was beating faster as I tried to decipher his intent. In the end I knew that as much as I didn't want Edward to go to the dance with Tanya, I also knew that I wasn't ready to go with him either.

"No, not this year anyway." Edward smiled, clearly relieved.

I won't lie and say that his relief wasn't just a little too evident on his face for my liking, but his next words were music to my ears.

"I'll make a deal with you, next year if we _both_ want to go, we'll go together." He held his hand out, I placed mine in his.

"Deal." We both smiled as we shook on our 'maybe' date for next year.

"So, about those cookies…"

I laughed as his stomach grumbled. I pulled him up from the couch and we trooped up the stairs, leaving the TV on and my pretend boyfriend's face staring at me from the screen. There wasn't a lot that could drag me away from Jacob Jankowski, but for Edward, I would sacrifice almost anything to make him happy.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So, do you think she's beginning to really understand that her feelings for Edward are changing?

There's angst a'coming folks. Remember that I believe in HEA, so please keep that in mind for the future.

The support I've received from the last chapter was in a word,** AWESOME**. Thank you so much for the reviews. I wish you all could've seen how big my smile was as I read them all.

One more thought. DiorRob owns my butt! How about you?

ruinedbyrob


	15. Chapter 15

Thank you to my Beta, Mullet 86. You are the Almond Joy creamer in my coffee.

**Disclaimer: **S. Meyer now and forever owns all that is Twilight. I own this plot. Please don't steal it from me.

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

Chapter 15

"Well, _I think _it would be a good chance for you to meet other girls your age. You spend far too much time in your room on the computer. It's not healthy, Isabella. And it's certainly not helping your complexion or your _weight issue_." My mother's eyes narrowed and she looked pointedly down her nose at me as she sneered the last two words of her newest attempt to get me to agree to yet another fat camp for the summer. She could throw in lines about me meeting girls my age and needing to develop friendships, but the true intent of her words was to remind me that I was fat and it was unacceptable.

"Renee, leave her alone." My eyes widened at the sound of my stepfather's voice. My mother was not amused at his interference and frowned in his direction.

"Phil, I hardly think that it's in her best interest to sit up in her room getting _wider_ when she could be…"

Phil cut my mother off, "_Wider_? Have you looked at her lately?" My mother turned quickly to give me an appraising look. I found myself cowering under her scrutiny.

"No", Phil put his hand on my shoulder. "stand up straight. Let her see what you've accomplished." With my eyes still on the ground, I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and stood up straight. To my surprise, I found myself staring at my mother's forehead. Over the last year, I'd grown taller than her.

Renee waved her hand up and down in front of my body. "I see nothing different here."

Phil exhaled in frustration. "Renee, she's lost over fifteen pounds in the last six months. What do you think we've been doing downstairs? "

After Phil's baseball season was over, we'd resumed our movie watching tradition in the basement, but we'd also started another. In September, during the last game in a series against the Diamondbacks, Phil had suffered a back injury. He would recover fully but was given a strict regimen of off season conditioning in order to be one hundred percent for spring training.

At first he'd watched the movies with me while working out gradually, as I watched him lift weights and ride the stationary bike, I found myself walking on the treadmill beside him as we enjoyed our movies. My intent hadn't been to lose weight, but with Phil's gentle encouragement and companionship, I found myself looking forward to our time together. I hadn't become one of those girls who spend all of their free time at the gym hoping to maintain a size two, but I began to enjoy working out and did like the feeling of my jeans fitting a bit looser.

"Fifteen pounds? I find that hard to believe. She looks _exactly_ the same to me. Besides, she needs to lose much more than a _measly_ ten pounds before it will make a difference. " The proud

stance I'd affected during Phil's praise was replaced with my normal slouch upon hearing my mother's belittling comment.

Out of my periphery, I saw Phil open his mouth to answer my mother. With a shaky breath, I beat him to it. "It's fifteen pounds not ten." Phil squeezed my shoulder in silent support.

"Whatever. I hardly think five pounds matters in the grand scheme of things" She remarked offhandedly, waving her hand in the air. Her perfectly applied acrylics glistened in the brightness of the kitchen light. I wasn't surprised at my mother's dismissal of my small accomplishment, it was expected. However, I was surprised at my step-father's support. While he and I had always shared a close friendship, I'd never before had him stand up and defend me against my mother.

"Renee, I think you should try to be a little more encouraging and less critical to our daughter." Renee turned a quick eye towards her husband.

"My daughter." She corrected quickly. Her voice turned shrill and mean. "She's _my _daughter and as such I think I should have the most say in how _I_ deal with her."

Behind me, I heard Phil take a deep breath and then let it out slowly.

"Renee, after we got married you made it very clear to me that you didn't want to have any more children. When I accepted your choice, I accepted the fact that Bella would be the only child in my life. As such, I do think of her as my daughter. We may not share a drop of DNA, but we have a lot in common. She's a smart, funny, kind and beautiful girl. Why can't you see that?"

My eyes widened as what Phil had said registered in my mind. He thought of me as his daughter? I was touched and turned to see true affection shining in his eyes as he smiled warmly at me.

Renee's heels clicked loudly on the polished travertine floor as she moved several steps backwards, her hand over her heart in mock hurt. "Are you implying that I don't care for _my_ child, that I don't have _her_ best interests at heart?" She exclaimed loudly. Phil quickly left my side and moved to put a comforting arm around my mother.

"I didn't mean to imply that you don't care about her…I just think that sometimes you can be a bit…harsh. Baby, please don't cry." He pleaded as she sniffled into his shoulder.

"All I want is to have a daughter I can do things with. Do you know what it's like to attend all of the mother-daughter events alone? It's horrible. I, I…" Her words were muffled as Phil hugged her tighter and turned to lead her out of the room. He gave me a small smile over his shoulder as they rounded the corner and entered the hallway that would lead them to their wing of the house.

I was left standing alone in the empty kitchen. The warm moment I'd been sharing with Phil had dissipated quickly as my mother took back the spotlight.

My mother's words echoed in my head as I climbed the stairs leading to my bedroom. I tried not to let what she'd said affect me. I tried to tell myself that my weight loss was quite an accomplishment, despite my mother's less than supportive words.

I knew that Phil was downstairs comforting a woman that made the choice to attend all of those events alone. She chose to hide me away. Part of me wanted to be angry at my stepfather for backing down to her, but then who was I to begrudge her the comfort of her husband? And the fact that he even attempted to stand up for me was a huge gain. Despite everything, knowing that Phil not only considered me his daughter but thought that I was funny, smart and _beautiful_…left a warm feeling in my stomach.

Renee's attempt to send me to fat camp made me realize two things. One, I would never gain her approval until I looked like everyone else. And two, summer was approaching and with it, my return to Forks.

There was no way I was going to miss going home this summer. Edward had promised to take me to the End of Summer Ball this year. Even though the promise was made under the pretense that it gave him an out when girls like Tanya Denali or Lauren Sheppard asked him to go, I'd come to the conclusion that not only did I want to go to the dance, I wanted to go with Edward and more importantly, I didn't want _him_ to go with anyone else.

My stomach actually hurt when I thought about him going to the dance, the movies…or anywhere with one of those girls.

I'm sure Aunt Janet would know what these new feelings for Edward meant. She'd have sage and motherly advice to give me. I hadn't wanted to talk to her over the phone, choosing to wait until I was back in Forks to sort out these new and unsettling emotions that kept fluttering around in my stomach.

I lay back onto my bed and allowed my thoughts to wander to the ball. Truth be told, I'd been thinking about our pact since the minute we shook on it last fall and my thoughts had been much more focused and happier in the last few months.

In fact, all things considered this year had been fairly good. I'd even managed to make a friend.

Angela was a transfer from Minnesota. The harsh sunshine and severe heat of Phoenix didn't agree with the pale, quiet girl from the state of a thousand lakes. It was the first day of school and I'd already taken up my perch under the tree to avoid the notice of usual suspects.

As I sat underneath the heavenly coolness of the large ash tree, something caught my downcast eyes. I'd looked up to see Angela walking across the quad with her head down and a string of bullies trailing behind her.

I don't know what possessed me to forego my usual 'keep my head down and don't draw any attention to myself' mentality, but when I saw the evil looks on Corey and Jason's faces, I knew I had to do something.

I called out and waved her over to my tree. My outburst caused the whole yard to stop their mid-day activities. Angela looked startled, the teachers looked surprised to find out I wasn't in fact a mute and the bullies, well, the bullies looked angry at having whatever horrible things they were going to do the new girl stopped.

Angela smiled shyly and hurried over to sit beside me on the dry grass.

The other students and the faculty gawked at the two of us Corey as and his gang scuttled back into the shadows of the school. I gulped as he turned his dark, cold eyes on me. I knew, eventually he would make me pay for thwarting his plans.

"Hi, I'm Angela." I shook her offered hand and gave her my name, not thinking that she'd remember it past the end of the school day.

I was wrong.

It turns out that in addition to being the same shade of pale, Angela was just as painfully shy as I was, perhaps even more so.

She'd confided in me several weeks after our first meeting that she hadn't spoken to anyone besides the school faculty when she'd arrived. I was astounded. I knew why no one spoke to me I was unacceptable. But Angela was thin, smart, funny and kind.

There was nothing wrong with her, yet she'd still chosen to be my friend.

Angela's shyness disappeared once we began hanging out. She'd become a fixture at my house, deciding that the quiet of my house was more preferable to the chaotic din of her house and the twin tornadoes she called little brothers.

"Bella, some guy named Edward is asking to chat." Angela called from my computer desk.

Our discarded English notes crunched and crumpled under my weight in my haste to get off the bed.

"Edward?" I half screeched.

"Whoa there girl, just ask me and I'll move." Angela laughed, as I practically lifted her off my desk chair.

I smiled sheepishly at her in apology and quickly opened up the message window.

"_Hey."_

"Hi." I quickly typed back.

"_What are you doing?"_

"Studying with a friend. You?"

"_The same." _

I stared lamely at the blinking cursor. He was with a friend? Who? Was it Tanya? My stomach clenched at the thought of him alone in his room with that shiny haired viper.

Angela's not-so-gentle elbow to the ribs pulled me out of the black hole of despair I was about to dive head first into. I decided to not act like the jealous idiot I was and try to have a decent conversation with the very person who turned me into a jealous idiot.

"So,what are you studying?" I tried to sound casual.

"_We're working on a history paper. What are you working on?"_

"Bella, you might want to stop before you chew that thing right off." Angela laughed and pointed at the lip I'd been chewing as I tried to remember whether Emmett or Jasper were in Edward's history class.

I ducked my head in embarrassment.

"Angela and I are working on an English paper. We have a report on The Scarlet Letter due Wednesday." I added her name hoping he'd return the favor so I could stop acting like a fool.

"_Good ol' Hester Prinne. When are you getting here? " _

I avoided Angela's questioning eyes as I huddled over the keyboard like a mouse guarding her cheese. "Um,not sure. Why?"

"_Mom is making me have a 'real' birthday party this year and I want to make sure you're here." _ Ugh! The soft thudding of my head hitting the desk repeatedly echoed off the hideous colored walls of my room.

"Do you mean a girl, boy party?" I asked already knowing his answer.

"_Yesssss. Mom wants me to have a stupid pool party" _

"Who would be there?" My hands shook as I typed.

"_I don't know, people from school." _I could imagine his non-committal shoulder shrug. Edward had only built upon his popularity from the year before. As a sophomore on the varsity baseball team, he was accepted into all of the junior and senior cliques. To him, they were all just "people from school", but I knew they would be the Forks High School elite. And among them would be the shiny haired bane of my existence.

"_Anyway, mom wants me to get the date of your arrival so she can start planning the stupid thing."_

Since I knew there was no way out of attending his pool party, I reluctantly opened my desk drawer and pulled out my e-ticket.

"I get there June 10th."

"_You'll be here in plenty of time and mom will get off my back. Only three weeks until I see you! __"_

"Yeah, three weeks! " I smiled despite my apprehension about the party, I couldn't wait to see him.

_** E. Cullen has left the chat.**_

"So, you gonna tell me who E. Cullen is and why he has you grinning like a fool?" I glanced quickly at Angela. Her left eyebrow was cocked in the classic, 'spill it' motion.

"Um, he's um, a friend?"

"A _friend_? Riiight. Bella, I'm your friend and I'd be willing to bet all of the money in my yellow piggy bank, Petunia, that you don't blush or grin like that whenever you talk to me. Is he your boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend?" I exclaimed and then promptly choked on my saliva.

"Whoa! I didn't expect that reaction." Angela began pounding on my back while I tried to breath.

Finally my brain reengaged and I was once again able to breathe and swallow at the same time.

"Are you OK?" I nodded and took a drink of my water. Satisfied that I was capable of drinking out of a real glass like any three year old, Angela sat back down on my bed.

I took another sip of water. "No."

" 'No' what? No you're not okay?" Her eyes tilted up to my face questioningly.

"I'm fine. I meant no, he's not my boyfriend. We're, um, friends." The statement sounded hollow to my ears.

"Hmmm, it sounds as if you'd like to be more?" I hadn't heard the longing in my voice, but it hadn't escaped Angela's notice.

"I'm not sure." I admitted.

"Then you're already halfway there. He obviously likes you very much, all you have to do is let him know that you want more." Angela smiled and picked up her worn copy of 'The Scarlet Letter', convinced that it was that simple.

I turned back to my computer and watched the cursor blink over his name. For someone like Angela, it may be as simple as declaring her feelings, but for someone like me, it just wasn't that easy.

With a deep breath, I reached up and turned the monitor off. I shoved my ticket to Forks back into my desk before joining Angela on the bed. Together we returned to combing through the rampant symbolism in The Scarlet Letter.

I thought my face would split open with the force of my smile, as I spied my aunt waiting for me at the luggage carousel.

"Bella, sweetheart, you look fantastic." I couldn't help but blush at my aunt's praise. "How much weight have you lost?"

"Just a couple of pounds." I shrugged.

"I'd say it's more than just a couple of pounds." She smiled and gave my arms a playful squeeze before grabbing one of my bags and guided me out the doors of the Port Angeles airport to where her Tahoe was waiting.

We chatted easily as the familiar Washington landscape passed by the windows. No matter how many times I made the trip from Phoenix to Forks, I never failed to be amazed at the color contrasts. When I left the dehydrated, dull browns of the desert for the lush, deep emerald greens of Forks, it felt as if I was shedding a heavy coat.

I may be returning to Forks weighing fifteen pounds less than when I left, but it wasn't the loss of unwanted fat that had me feeling lighter, I knew it was the acceptance, friendship and unconditional love that had always met me as soon as I stepped off the plane in Port Angeles.

"So, I thought in honor of your return I'd invite a few people over for a special dinner tonight." I groaned at her words as the thought of the last 'special' dinner my aunt had held in my honor flashed through my mind.

"Don't worry," My ever observant aunt had picked up on my body's tense reaction to her statement. She reached across the Tahoe and gently patted my knee. "it's just a small dinner and a very exclusive guest list." I breathed easier at her promise and enjoyed the rest of the ride home.

After thanking Uncle Mark for helping lug my bags up to my room, I made a quick call to Charlie and then decided to take a shower.

I wiped the condensation from the mirror and surveyed myself in the foggy mirror. The ever present Forks humidity had activated the curl in my usually straight hair and I could already feel my skin rehydrating from the past year spent in the unforgiving Arizona sun. .

I took a deep breath and shook up the can of newly purchased mousse and attempted to 'scrunch' it into my hair like Angela had shown me. While the mousse did its job of taming my wayward curls, I surveyed my wardrobe. My small weight loss had escaped my mother's notice, but it hadn't fooled all of my clothes. While I could still wear my jeans with a belt, the loose summer pants I normally wore were hanging off my hips and the little stringy thing around the waist was not helping to keep them up.

After several minutes I finally decided on a pair of light weight jean-like Chinos that I could cinch tighter with a belt and paired it with a short sleeved, lavender cotton shirt with an elastic collar. Angela had told me that the scooped neckline was flattering to my shoulders and clavicle. I liked it because the sleeves were long enough to hide my arm fat and I thought the little eyelet flowers were pretty.

I dabbed on a little more moisturizer making sure to get underneath my eyes. If I learned anything from my mother, it would be that if I didn't start paying attention to the sensitive skin under my eyes the dry Arizona air would have me looking thirty years old before I was out of my teens.

I also added a thin layer of mascara to accent my plain, brown eyes. Having a pretty girl for a friend came in handy when it came to learning how to camouflage my many imperfections.

Once I had my hair scrunched, my pants cinched tight around my waist and my skin moisturized, I headed downstairs to help with dinner.

"Do you need a little help there Stumble Bee?" Emmett offered, as I successfully set down the tray laden with glasses and a pitcher of fresh brewed ice tea.

"Thanks, Em, I think Aunt Janet has more trays in the kitchen."

"I'm on it!" Was his enthusiastic reply as he bounded from the deck to into the kitchen.

"You'll be there tomorrow, right?"

I nodded at Edward's question, as I took the chair next to him at the table. "Are you kidding? Miss your debut as a starting pitcher?" I nudged him gently with my shoulder noticing how he barely moved when I tried to push him.

I think Edward gained the weight I lost over the last year.

The guy was solid.

"Coach just wants to see how I do in a game situation. I'll probably only pitch a couple of innings." He said modestly trying to hide the smile of pride on his face.

"I hope you don't choke and fall off the mound like you fell off the stage at ballet camp." Edward narrowed his eyes at Emmett's joke. Em laughed at his brother's obvious displeasure and continued stuffing his face with the chips and salsa he'd brought in from the kitchen.

"Son, boys who missed a year of school because they nearly broke every bone in their body by falling off a ballet stage, landing on top of nearly the entire orchestra, shouldn't throw stones." Carlisle admonished a clearly embarrassed Emmett.

"I'm sure you'll do fine." I assured him and basked in the blinding smile he gave me.

As a thank you for the spectacular meal Aunt Janet had prepared, all three boys and I left the adults on the deck to do what adults do and cleaned up the dishes.

"B, hand me that towel." I threw the slightly damp dishtowel to Emmett and went back to my sink full of warm water and lavender bubbles.

"Ow! Damn it Em, that hurt!" Emmett's giggling filled the kitchen as he re-twisted the towel to take another shot at Edward's cute butt.

Allowing my hair to hide the blush I was sure was creeping up my face, I quickly pushed the thought of Edward's butt out of my head and busied myself with the dishes.

"Shit!" Emmett exclaimed as Jasper executed a well-placed snap to his bicep.

Edward joined the other two and soon the whole room was filled with the sound of snapping towels and random swear words.

After hearing Edward squeal as the older boys ganged up on him, I decided to join in the fun.

I firmly grabbed the trigger of the sprayer and called out to Em.

"Oh Emmett."

"Yeah, B?" He turned and I hit him square in the face with a stream of water.

Time stood still as we all stopped and watched the huge drops of water drip down Emmett's stunned face.

Emmett's face turned red, his nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed as he stared down at me. For the first time since meeting Em, I was afraid that maybe I'd poked the wrong bear.

I casually slipped the water hose back into the sink and began edging my way towards the door.

I was nearly to the hallway when I yelped in pain.

My hand went immediately to my hip where I'd just been snapped and my eyes flew up to see a smiling Emmett twisting his towel for another assault.

"So you wanna play do you, Stumble B?" I hesitated, and watched a look of genuine concern cross his face before I grabbed the closest towel and fired off a shot at the nearest butt.

"What's going on in there?" My aunt asked loudly from the deck at her son's yelp.

It was so easy to feel comfortable with the guys. The way they kidded and horsed around with each other made me long for a sibling. I'd always hoped that when mom and Phil got married, I had a chance for a little brother or sister, but after hearing Phil's words in the kitchen, I now knew that dream was never going to be a reality. And as long as I had my Forks family, I was okay with being an only child.

An early afternoon breeze blew through the open windows, ruffling my curtains and cooling the warm room.

"Here, trade me." I handed over the Deadpool comic I'd just finished to Edward and accepted the newest Spiderman from him.

I reached over to grab another monster cookie from the plate at my side at the same time Edward did.

"Ow!" We both exclaimed and pulled back our respective hands as a jolt of static electricity jolted us both.

"Geez Bella, what was that?" I shrugged my shoulders and shook my fingers trying to dispel the strange buzzing feeling that was coursing through my hand and up my arm.

"Maybe you need to speak to your aunt about using a stronger fabric softener." He suggested before breaking the remaining cookie in half and leaving my half on the plate before going back to reading his comic.

I acknowledged his words with a nod, knowing that the shock we'd just shared had nothing to do with the amount of fabric softener Aunt Janet used and everything to do with the fact that my whole body tingled like a live wire when Edward was around.

"Edward."

"Yeah." He mumbled as cookie crumbs fell to the floor from his full mouth onto the blue 'Dr. Who' tee shirt he was wearing. A tee shirt that now strained to contain his wider shoulders and chest, where last year it was loose all over.

I'd been back in Forks for a little over a week and in that time I'd cheered Edward on as he pitched five no-hit innings before relinquishing the mound to a senior pitcher, cooked dinner for my father and helped him give his house a deep cleaning, including new paint and linens for my room. Charlie had pretty much told me I could do whatever I wanted to my room, so with a little help from Edward, gone were the yellow walls and Care Bear sheets.

We'd replaced them with a soothing slate gray paint, Chinese character pictures and bamboo shades. I'd almost had a mini heart attack when I'd let Edward into my room. As if the teddy bear sheets weren't enough, the thought of Edward seeing all of my chubby childhood pictures was about to make me forget the whole thing and sentence myself to sleeping in the room of a four year old girl forever. But in true Edward style, he'd muttered a quick, "Cute" and went about preparing the room for paint.

I'd done all of that and still been able to avoid any talk about his party. But the time had come and in two days' time, the Cullen's backyard would be filled with party guests wishing Edward a happy fifteenth birthday and enjoying Carlisle's barbeque expertise and Esme's amazing baking skills.

"Do you think all of the people your mom invited will come to the party?" I asked from my perch on the bed.

"I don't know. I guess so. What else is there to do in this town?"

He had me there. From what I gathered from Jasper, there was indeed little to do in Forks. And if you were fortunate enough to be invited to a party, you went.

"Why?" He asked from his spot on the floor.

"Well, I don't know very many people here besides Emmett, Jasper and you. It might be easier for you and me to celebrate together and then you can enjoy your party without having to babysit me." _Brilliant Bella._ I congratulated myself on a sure fire way to get out of having to sit in the shadows while Tanya and her gang paraded around Edward in the sunlight.

Having given such a logical statement as to why I didn't need to be in attendance at the pool party, I allowed myself a moment to stare at the back of his head marveling at how the sunlight brought out all of the colors naturally present in his hair. My mother and her friends would pay big money to have hair the color of Edward's.

_Hmm, so pretty…_ My fingers reached out to touch a silky strand when he suddenly turned towards me.

Edward frowned as I pulled my hands back from his head and let them fall to my lap. "What do you mean it would be easier if you didn't come? And why would you think I'd need to babysit you?" He demanded.

I'd expected him to counter my point and had another argument ready. "I just thought it since it was a party for your _school_ friends it would make sense if I stayed away." My fingers were still itching to get to his hair. I started playing with the satin band around my blanket, hoping that it would placate my sudden need to touch him.

Edward got up on his knees and leaned his elbows on my bed so that his face was at the same level as mine. "This is _my_ party for _my friends_ and you're my _best friend_." His words were complimentary but the tone was harsh.

The force of his statement surprised me. Edward rarely used such a harsh tone with me. I opened my mouth to speak but he wasn't done.

"And what do you mean you don't know anyone? You know Emmett, Jasper," He counted off the names on his fingers." the guys from the team and even though you aren't friends with Tanya and Lauren, I… I thought you'd put that behind you to be there for me!"

I watched in confusion as his shoulders sagged and he leaned down onto the bed, laying his head onto his hands.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to act around all of those people. They totally ignored me or picked on me my entire life and then all of a sudden I'm acceptable because I can throw an eighty mile an hour fast ball?" He paused for a moment to take a deep breath. "We get along and everything but, you…you're the only one who accepted me when I wasn't 'the future of Spartan baseball.'" He paused to quickly wipe off a tear. "I need you there Bella, you're the only one I know who likes me for me!"

I had to hold in my tears when I saw just how much stress this party was putting on him and how much I had unwittingly added to it. Without thinking, I reached out and put my hand on his strong back. Through his slightly damp shirt, I could feel his chest expand and decrease with the deep breaths he was taking.

"Edward, I'm sorry. Of course I'll be there." I promised, while rubbing small circles on his back and hating how selfish I've been.

"Yeah?" He mumbled into his hands.

"What kind of jerk misses her best friend's birthday?" My hand fell away as he lifted his head from the bed.

Edward flashed me a half smile. "Thank you, jerk."

"You're welcome, jerk." I chuckled and gave his shoulder a not so gentle push.

We shared a smile before the heaviness of the situation returned.

"I know why you don't want to come," My eyes flashed to his, quickly before I dropped them to stare at the leaf pattern on my bedspread. "You're afraid that Tanya and those other girls will make fun of you."

He wasn't completely wrong. I was worried about the queen and her pack of hyena's, but what he didn't know was that my biggest fear was having to watch the other girls fawn over him and even though he professed to not be looking for their attention, it had become apparent after watching his reaction at his games, that he wasn't altogether opposed to their attentions either. My eyes drifted to the side of the room, searching for anything to look at other than his face. _Oh look, there's that pink sock I was looking for. _

"But Bella," I forgot all about the stupid pink sock when I felt the warmth of his hand cover mine. "I promise I won't let them hurt you." The truth in his deep green eyes was unmistakable. He meant what he was saying and in that moment I wanted nothing more than to let him take care of me, but while he was promising to keep me safe for the duration of the party, my heart kept screaming, "Forever".

I nodded at his promise, pushing down all of the emotions that made my heart beat faster and my hands sweat when I was around him.

"Good." He breathed easier and sat back down on the floor, picking up his discarded comic satisfied that the matter was settled. And I guess it was. There was no way I wouldn't attend the party and risk hurting him. I would deal with the shiny haired horde. For Edward I would deal with almost anything.

After Edward left, I wandered back up to my room and flopped back onto the bed. I lifted my right hand and watched the waning sunlight filter through my still buzzing fingers. I smiled, thinking about how warm and strong his hand had felt as it laid over mine.

Sighing, I got up and turned on the light on the bedside table. I picked up the now empty cookie plate and our discarded comics and placed them on the table before taking the long walk to my closet. Edward may have promised to protect me from the girls but he never said anything about finding me something suitable to wear.

It only took a few moments of staring into the sparse offerings of my closet before I knew that I would need some expert advice.

"Well, I still think you should reconsider wearing a skirt." I rolled my eyes at Aunt Janet's clearly absurd suggestion and kept leafing through the racks of the meager offerings at the Sequim JC Penney store. She'd wanted to make the trek to the mall in Port Angeles, but I really couldn't bear the thought of going all the way over there only to find nothing that fit. Nor did I want to chance a trip to Victoria's Secrets and be subjected to my aunt trying anything on. _Shudder._

So, here we were trying to find something, anything suitable for the party and large enough to cover my ample butt.

"How about this one?" I shook my head at the blue, sleeveless sundress. Aunt Janet shrugged and moved onto the next rack.

"This?" Another head shake. _Does no one wear sleeves anymore?_

Another twenty minutes passed before we were successful.

"You look lovely Bella." Aunt Janet assured me as I dutifully trudged out of the dressing room to the bank of mirrors where she waited.

I tugged here and pulled there in attempts to hide a few _problem areas_, but I had to admit that all in all the lightweight tan pants, Aunt Janet called them clam diggers, and a mossy green peasant blouse. The sleeves were long, airy and covered my arm almost to my wrist. _Bonus!_

Despite the elastic at my hips, which Aunt Janet assured me did not make me look 'hippy', I had to admit it was pretty and the color of the blouse reminded me of Edward's eyes.

Satisfied that at least the wardrobe portion of my party dilemma was solved, we made our way back home.

My clothes were laid out on the bed, my new sandals were substantially broken in so blisters wouldn't be a worry and I was freshly showered waiting for Aunt Janet to come up and do my hair. We'd spent a couple of hours looking through fashion magazines trying to decide on just the right look. Ultimately, we'd decided on long curls upswept into a high ponytail. A ponytail wasn't new to me, but the shiny, bouncy curls were. As I admired the miracle Aunt Janet had created I made a mental note to ditch my Paul Mitchell shampoo for the lavender Wen she used. In addition to the little mascara I was wearing, Aunt Janet had brushed a little dark pink eye shadow and a thin line of eye liner. The bronzer she applied to my apple cheeks actually made them appear less round and just the tiny bit higher.

"Bella! Lets go!" I was startled out of my little daydream by Jasper's voice. As accustomed as I was to Emmett yelling the house down, this was a new thing from my much quieter cousin, and could be contributed to the fact that we were going to a pool party. A party where he could expect to see girls in bikinis. A party where his mother would not be in attendance to notice him staring at said girls, in bikinis. Needless to say, he was a little excited.

With one more look in the mirror, I said a few more; "This is for Edward" and left the safety of my bathroom.

"Bella come on, lets…" Jasper's statement faltered as I made my way down the stairs.

"You look lovely Bella." I blushed at my uncle's compliment.

"Doesn't she?" My aunt asked while taming a wayward spiral. "Jasper, don't you have something to say to your cousin?"

"You look…nice." My ever obliging cousin answered with a quick smile before adding, "Can we please go now?"

"Of course, go and have a good time." Jasper's eyes lit up and practically vaulted towards the door.

"Jasper! Wait for Bella." His mother ordered.

"Oops, sorry." He smiled sheepishly and stopped at the threshold, holding the door open for me.

My bravery faltered the closer I got to the door. Despite the new clothes and pretty hair, I was still me and I'm sure the 'mean girls' would be able to see right through…

"Bella, whatever dark thoughts you have going on in that beautiful little brain of yours you need to let it go and enjoy your best friend's birthday." I nodded at my aunt's words and hurried to catch up with Jasper.

"Glad you could make it J-man. Looking good Stumble Bee." Emmett's booming voice welcomed us into the Cullen's large home. Emmett looked every bit the beach bum in his navy blue board shorts and white tank top. The sleeveless top was no doubt chosen for its ability to adequately show off Em's newly acquired arm muscles.

"Checking out the guns, huh, Stumble Bee?" My face reddened at the accuracy of his taunt.

He put an arm around my shoulders and guided me through the foyer. "Don't be shy. I look good." He flashed his dimples as I pushed his arm off and joined him and Jasper's laughter.

My laughter ceased the minute we stepped onto the Cullen's deck. The backyard had been transformed into a beach. Complete with sand, sun umbrellas and girls in bikinis.

"I know, right?" Emmett's smirked at Jasper. "It's a buffet of boobs and scantily clad butts."

I reached over and gently closed my cousin's gaping mouth. He didn't even register my touch, which would be all the more comical if I weren't also overwhelmed by the sight before us.

There it was my worst nightmare. Beautiful, thin and barely dressed girls grouped around my Edward.

I tugged absently at the hem of my blouse, suddenly wishing it covered more skin.

"Bella! Welcome." I turned from the beach party on the yard and turned towards the smiling face of Esme Cullen.

"How pretty your hair looks." I smiled under her praise. "And don't you look the part of a professional beach bum." Her last words earned a smile from my puka shell necklace wearing cousin.

Esme waved the boys out into the yard and turned back to me.

"I pushed him into having this party. Edward has always been a little too smart, a little too deep and a bit overpowering for the other kids his age. Until you, he never had a close friend." Esme slipped her arm around my waist and pulled me gently into her side. I went willingly into her embrace. "Watching him flourish and open up around you has been such a joy. I know that the acceptance and friendship you've given him was the push he needed to go after his dream of playing baseball. And his talent has propelled him into the forefront, but his shy nature keeps holding him back." She sighed gently while looking out onto the yard. "My hope for this party was for him to be able to interact as 'Edward' and not as the young man with the golden arm who is expected to take Forks baseball into the playoffs for the next several years."

"Bella, I know you're uncomfortable and I understand why," I hung my head so she wouldn't see the possibility of tears. "but you must realize that so is he. And having you here is a huge comfort to him." I nodded at her words, attempting to not cry at the truth.

"I want you to enjoy yourself, but I'll understand if you don't want to spend a lot of time out here. You come into the house for a little 'Bella time' whenever you need to, and you come to me if you need anything. Okay?"

"I will. Thank you."

"No need to thank me, sweet girl." Esme patted my cheek and went inside the house. I resisted the urge to follow, wanting to save my escape route open for when I really needed it.

Instead, I slowly made my way down to the yard where the rest of the guests were enjoying the party. I took a seat at the nearest empty table and breathed a sigh of relief as the shade offered by the umbrella not only cooled my heated skin but offered me a place where I could survey the rest of the party in anonymity.

It was easy to find Emmett. He's had produced several super soaker water guns and with the help of my cousin, were running around squirting anything that moved. The squeals of the girls echoed throughout the yard as they ran to avoid Emmett and Jasper's guns.

"Emmett!" Carlisle called from behind me. "Stop that! No running around the pool!"

I turned to find Carlisle standing to my left trying to balance a platter of hamburgers and hot dogs. "I swear, that boy will be the death of me." I chuckled at Carlisle's statement from my shaded seat.

"Oh, I didn't see you there, Bella." Carlisle admitted.

"Would you help an old man out and run into the house for the other tray?"

"Of course."

"Great. I'll meet you at the grill."

Grateful for the distraction, I scrambled up and went into house. Esme was bustling around the kitchen putting together the rest of the lunch. There were trays and bowls of food lining the cabinets along with various tableware.

Esme turned from the potato salad she was finishing. "Oh, Bella. Everything alright?"

"Yes. Carlisle wanted me to help bring out the rest of the food." I walked over to the tray of buns and assorted cheeses.

"Oh, thank you. I'm regretting not taking your aunt up on her offer of help. My big, strong eldest son was supposed to be helping me and he's nowhere to be seen."

"I'm happy to help." I picked up the tray and started towards the door.

"I won't turn your offer down, but I want you to get out and try to enjoy yourself too."

"Okay. I will." I promised.

I held the tray out in front of me much like a shield as I walked through the yard to where Carlisle had set up the grill. The job gave me the perfect cover to observe the party without giving anyone a chance to engage me in conversation.

"Thank you, Bella. I hate to ask but would you go back in and grab the seasonings and give this tray to Es?" I nodded and wandered back across the yard.

I continued to be the go between for Esme and Carlisle right up until it was time to eat. But my short reprieve was up once Carlisle placed the giant platters of grilled meats on the table already laden with food.

As everyone heeded Carlisle's call to eat, I attempted to blend back into the background, hovering around the table, handing out sodas, napkins…anything to keep myself busy.

"Hey Becca, where have you been hiding?" I cringed at the sound of Lauren's nasally voice.

I kept my mind on my work, ignoring her. Lauren eventually become bored and moved on. As do several other girls I recognized from Tanya's pack.

"Bella!" I hear Edward exclaim from the line. "When did you get here?"

"A little while ago." Edward's worries about the party seemed to have fallen away, if his beaming face was at all evidence of his feelings.

To my surprise, Edward left the line of his friends and came around to give me a brief hug. "I'm so glad you're here." He whispered in my ear. For a moment, I forget that I'm standing in the middle of a backyard filled with sand and people I could only regard as people who would just as likely as push me down a flight of stairs as say 'hello' to me.

I feel my face redden as Edward embraced me.

The hug is all too brief for my liking.

"I've never seen you greet anyone like that before. And here I thought we were friends. I guess you two are closer than I thought." Edward released me and moved off to my side as the voice I recognized from his ball team rang out.

"I guess you haven't been paying attention, James, Edward and Bella are _very good_ friends." _Great. I was worried that I wouldn't hear from Tanya today. _

"It appears that you're right. There's a lot more there than I thought." The statement was benign enough, yet whenever James spoke, I couldn't help but feel as if there was always a double meaning to his words.

James and Tanya move quickly through the line.

More of Edward's teammates got food and moved to the tables without as much as a word to me.

Edward grabbed a cheeseburger and hotdog, promising to save me a place at his table.

"Bella, sweetheart, get something to eat and join the others."Esme ordered. Carlisle nodded in agreement, his mouth full of hamburger.

With a plate of barbequed goodness, I leave my haven and make my way towards Edward's table only to find that he's flanked by James on his left and Tanya on his right. I stopped just a few steps away from the table and debate whether I should interrupt the laughter coming from the table. I ignore the looks I get from the other tables and wait for Edward to notice me.

Finally, Edward sees me. "Hey!" He called to me in greeting.

"Um, let me make you some room." I stood there with my plate in hand and watched as Edward attempted to get his friends to clear a spot. They all shifted around until there was a tiny spot next to him and Tanya. Edward patted the spot and motioned for me to sit down. I moved forward but it didn't take me but a second to see that the space was too small for me to fit.

"C'mon Bella." Edward encouraged as Tanya smirked beside him.

"Um…"

"Hey, Stumble Bee! I saved you a seat." I could've cried in gratitude to Emmett.

Edward's head swiveled towards Emmett's table and then back to me. I knew he wanted me to sit beside him but I couldn't bring myself to admit that my butt was much too big to fit into that space, in front of all these people.

"Um, I think I'll go sit with Em. You go ahead and eat with your friends." I hated the look of rejection that crossed his face as I walked towards Emmett's table, but there was no way I was giving Tanya more chances to make fun of me.

I hadn't taken three steps before I heard Tanya's voice. "Let her go, Eddie. She _fits_ in over there better than here."

"Yeah E, I mean we'd have to lose half of the team to make enough room." James added.

I ignored the accompanying snickering and kept walking. I had other friends I could sit with.

"Here B, sit by me." I smiled as Emmett scooted over for me to take the space next to him.

"Let me introduce you to everybody. That raven haired beauty is Alice." He pointed to the girl that my cousin was smiling like a complete loon over. _Boy, my aunt would kill for this gossip._

"Hi, Bella, nice to meet you."

I shook her offered hand. "Hi."

"And this flaxen haired temptress to my left is Rosie." I had to shield my eyes from the glare off Emmett's smile as he introduced me to the beautiful blond sitting next to him.

"Nice to meet you." She nodded at me before elbowing Em in the ribs. "It's Rose you tame ape."

"Isn't she awesome?" Emmett asked, rubbing his side as Rose rolled her eyes.

"Ignore those two." Alice waved towards Em who was attempting to talk Rose into taking a bite out of his hot dog. "So, how long are you in Forks?" Alice asked and took a huge bite out of her cheeseburger.

How she didn't choke I'll never know.

"I'll be here all summer." She nodded and took another huge bite.

"Good. We need all the help we can get handling these two." She nudged Jasper with her shoulder eliciting a giggle from my red faced cousin.

I smiled and took a bite of cheeseburger. I was delighted to see that Alice and Rose ate like normal girls who actually enjoyed their food. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't worried about what I looked like as I ate.

The girls and Em bantered back and forth with Jasper offering a word here and there, but mostly he just stared shyly at Alice.

Em was in the middle of regaling us with the tale of how he and Jasper got banned from driving the golf cart around the neighborhood after Em ran over the neighbor's dog, when Edward plunked down beside me with his plate of half eaten food and tight tee shirt.

_Ugh! Virtual face palm!_

"You forgot about the part where mom made you empty your piggy bank to pay for 'Sweetum's vet bill." Edward added, before casually taking a drink of his soda.

"Dude! How could I forget? It took me another summer of mowing lawns to pay for my bike and I swear that little rat pooped on every lawn just to spite me."

Everyone laughed at the thought that a five pound Chihuahua would carry out a vendetta against Emmett.

"Why did you move?" I asked him as the conversation resumed around us.

"Because I wanted to sit with my best friend and she was over here." He answered before casually taking another bite of his burger.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: ** I was 9,000 words into this chapter and STILL wasn't happy. The lovely Mullet86, very gently suggested I stop goofing around, cut the chapter in half and update. As usual, she was right. This chapter will set the next one up nicely and I promise, it's the chapter you've all been waiting for.

**Disclaimer:** SM owns Twilight.

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

Chapter 16

"Are you sure you don't need anything?"

I smiled and shook my head at Edward's question. "No. I'm good thank you." He smiled and leaned back into his lounge chair.

Since lunch, Edward had hardly left my side longer than it took to use the restroom or replenish the ice in his soda. We were currently lounging comfortably under a colorful beach umbrella on padded lounge chairs.

While the rest of the Fork's youth frolicked around us, I basked in having Edward's attention. He was still social with his guests, running off to join a quick game of 'bags' or taking a turn off the diving board, but for the most part we were content to trade movie quotes, discuss the latest plots of our favorite comics and plan out the rest of our summer. We were currently discussing going into Port Angeles to see the new Fast and Furious movie.

"If we go, mom will let Emmett drive us."

"Which means we'll also have to take Jasper." Edward nodded at my statement.

"Which means that we'll probably have to take those two girls." I followed Edward's finger as it pointed at the two bikini clad girls who were splashing my cousin and his brother in the pool.

"Probably." I admitted, taking a sip of my drink. "But they're not so bad. The dark haired one, Alice, she was nice to me at lunch."

"What about the one Emmett is all goofy for?"

"Rose? Um, she was fine. She didn't say much."

"I guess there's no way around it. Should we plan for Wednesday night?" I nodded in agreement. Wednesday was the only weekday there was no baseball practice and the movies in Port Angeles were half price at the matinee.

"I'll ask mom tonight. It's still my birthday so denying me would be horrible parenting. Right?"

"For sure. You should hit her up for a car while you're at it." I laughed at his reasoning but quickly agreed with him.

"Oh, you think…?"

"No, Edward. There's no way they'd get you a car."

"What if I used my lady killer smile on her?"

"Your what?"

I was stunned when he flashed a smile that made me want to offer him all of my comics, my cherished autographed Ryne Sandberg ball and anything else he might want. I didn't know why, I just knew that if he asked me for something, I'd give it to him.

Someone called his name from the pool and Edward looked away. As soon as I was released from his gaze, I sucked in a deep breath and took a drink of my cold soda in an attempt to cool my heated face from the inside.

"Hey, are you okay?" I nodded and waved off his concern while trying to get my bearings without appearing even more nuts than usual.

_Oh my god! What just happened?_

"I'm fine. Edward, what was up that face you made?" I asked shakily, needing him to tell me what was going on before I was forced to seek medical help.

"Oh that. Well, my grandfather called me a 'lady killer' and said that I'd be able to get girls to do my bidding as long as I smiled at them like that. Right after he said that grandma smacked him on the head and told him to not encourage me. But I figured I'd try it on mom." He chuckled and dipped his head slightly. I felt my heart start to accelerate again as he looked at me through the dark fringe of his impossibly long lashes.

_Oh no._ I was having a heart attack. I couldn't breathe and yet I never wanted him to stop looking at me like that. I was going to die and I was strangely fine with it.

"Yo Edster! Mom says to come over here so we can have cake!" I'd never been more thankful to hear Emmett's voice in my life.

"Alright!" Edward yelled back and got up from his chair. "You coming?"

I nodded. "I'll be there in a minute. You go ahead."

Concern etched his face. "Are you sure you're okay? You look a little…off. I bet it was the hamburgers. Mom let Emmett make the patties and I'm sure he didn't wash his hands." I laughed at his quick jump to blame his brother for whatever it was that was going on with me.

"I'm fine." I assured him. "I'll meet you over there."

He nodded slowly, disbelief still evident on his face. With a deep breath he turned and walked towards the center of the yard where everyone was gathering around the cake.

_Get a hold of yourself Bella! _

Filing my reaction under 'stuff to ask Aunt Janet about', I ran the cool sides of my glass quickly over y face and forehead, before getting up and joining the others.

"Happy Birthday Dear Edward, Happy Birthday to you." Everyone clapped and Emmett hollered something about a monkey as Edward blew out the candles.

Esme began doling out the cake and I braced myself for a comment from Tanya as she walked up beside me with a large slice of the rich cake.

"You're not having any cake, Betsy? Probably a wise choice." She paused to take a large bite of the decadent looking dessert. "You know what they say a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the…"

"Here Bella, I saved this piece for you." Edward walked up and hands me a moderately sized piece of cake on a bright green plate. I tried not to smile as the rest of Tanya's statement died on her red lips.

"Thank you." I took the plate from him and took a bite of the sweet awesomness .

Edward smiled and took a bite of his own cake. "Chocolate mousse cake was a good call right?" I nod enthusiastically and take another bite, resisting the urge to groan at how wonderful it tasted.

"I hear that one piece of this cake is over 600 calories." Startled, Edward and I both turn to Tanya, having forgotten that she was still there.

"Hmm, you better give me yours then." Emmett reached around from behind me and grabbed her plate, taking a huge bite right off her fork.

Tanya's eyes narrowed before stomping off into the crowd.

"That girl is a bitch."

"Rose! We don't even know her." Alice admonished.

"I know all I need to know." Rose replied. Alice just shook her head at the confident blond and went back to eating her own cake.

Esme had decreed, much to the dismay of Emmett, that there wouldn't be gifts. Once the cake was eaten, the party began to wind down. Edward was occupied with seeing his guests off, Emmett and Jasper were equally as occupied with Rose and Alice, so I began helping Esme and Carlisle with the cleaning up.

"I can't thank you enough for all of your help. You've really been a godsend."

I smiled at Esme's praise and continued picking up the discarded cups and plates.

"Would you be a dear and take these out to the garbage bins beside the house?" Esme pointed to the two large garbage bags we'd just finished filling. "The strapping young man that caused me eighteen hours of immense pain when I pushed his melon sized head into this world is nowhere to be found." She lifted her hand to guard against the setting sun and scanned the yard for her wayward son. "There he is. I have a bad feeling that blond girl may already have him by the nose." I chuckled at her comment. I'd thought she meant Edward until she mentioned, 'melon sized head'.

"Bella, I'm going to go inside and start the dishes." I nodded as she walked quickly into the house. It didn't escape my notice that from the window over the sink she'd have a clear view of where Emmett and Rose were perched close together on the deck.

I grabbed the bags and started walking around the side of the house. The bags were heavier than I'd anticipated, and the bag in my right hand began to slip. I stopped right before I rounded the corner of the house to get a better grip. That's when I heard their voices.

"Seriously, what's up with Cullen and that girl?" My feet planted themselves firmly in place when I recognized the voice of one of the guys' from Edward's team. .

_What girl was he talking about? Tanya?_

"Dude, I don't know but if he doesn't want to get a reputation as a 'chubby chaser' he better get his head out of his ass." Ah, the _girl_ was me. I couldn't see them clearly through the hedge, but I was sure I'd heard the their voices before

"Guys, I think they're just friends." A third voice entered the conversation.

"Friends?" I could practically hear the sneer in James's voice. "It doesn't matter if they're fucking cousins. If you want to run with a group of gazelles, you don't hang out with elephants."

I wanted to run, but I was afraid that my retreat would alert them to my presence. I was stuck.

"James is right. Look, Alec, Edward's arm is going to take us to State for the next three years. We need to be protecting our investment."

"You got that right, Felix." I could hear what I guessed was the slapping of palms. "And that means steering him away from the wildlife and towards the honeys. Jesus, if Tanya was any hotter for that kid she'd self combust."

"Shit, did you get a load of her in that tiny bikini?" Felix asked.

"I've been sporting a semi all day because of her." All three guys joined laughed at James's statement.

"Look, any guy that would rather hang out with a beached whale instead of a ripe honey like Tanya or any of the other girls, is either gay or in some serious need of help. Since he hasn't made a pass at me in the shower, I can only conclude that the kid needs help. We need to take him under our wing and turn him into the stud pitcher the team needs him to be."

"Agreed."

"Alec, are you in?" James asked.

"It's just…well if they're just friends. What harm could there be in them being friends?"

"Jesus, have you been listening to a word we've said? Kid Cullen is about to be the brightest star in the sky and as such he's going to draw in the scouts. We can't have his reputation for befriending fat chicks to hurt our chances at getting a look too."

My ears began to pound with the force of the blood rushing through my body.

"Plus, there are the other teams to consider. Do you want to be taking the field among pig snorts and elephant calls? Think about it Alec, it's for the good of the team. I don't know about you, but a college scholarship would come in handy." I had to force the hamburger I'd eaten at lunch to stay in my stomach as Felix spoke.

_Would the other teams do that?_

"Or a nice minor league contract." James added.

"I guess you're right. How do we do it? I don't want to be mean to her." The other two boys guffawed at Alec's concern.

"We don't have to be mean to her. All that would do is earn her his sympathy. We just need turn to our good friend peer pressure. It's guaranteed to work."

"But we need to be careful. No getting him kicked off the team for drinking, smoking or any of that other bullshit. And I sure as hell don't want to raise any flags with Emmett. He seems attached to _what's her name_ too."

"Good point, Felix. The last thing I want to do is tangle with that moose. "As much as their conversation sickened me, knowing that they were afraid of Emmett gave me a small measure of comfort.

"Ok. I'm in." My heart sank even further as Alec agreed to their plan.

"Hey, my sister is in town from Whitman. She brought a couple of sorority sisters with her. What do you say we go make ourselves _known_ to them?" Felix suggested

I listened as all three boys retreated to the front of the house in pursuit of older women. I waited behind the bushes for several minutes, wanting to make sure they didn't come back before I came out of hiding.

My biggest fear was embarrassing Edward.

Once the garbage was safely inside the bins, the overheard conversation replayed in my head.

The things they'd said came rushing back at once.

"_chubby chaser"_

"_beached whale"_

"_you don't hang out with elephants"_

"_pig snorts and elephant calls"_

"_befriending fat chicks hurt our chances at getting a look" _

My back hit the side of the house as my legs gave out. I slid to the ground not caring about soiling my new clothes. I'd become accustomed to being a disappointment to my mother. I'd never live up to her expectations. But the thought of embarrassing Edward…ruining his chances of getting a scholarship or a spot on a minor league team because of me…the thought was devastating.

My mind raced with thoughts of what they would do or say to Edward to make him hate me. If James and the others did what they said they'd do, not only would I lose Edward forever but I would lose him in the worst way possible, he'd realize I was a fat loser and want nothing to do with me.

I crossed my arms over my stomach as it cramped with the thought of not having Edward in my life. I would go back to being friendless, back to having no one.

"Bella! Bella!" My breath caught at the sound of Edward's voice.

"Mom, I can't find her!" I swiped absently at the tears that filled my eyes. I couldn't let him find me like this.

"Keep your voice down. Look around the house by the bins." Esme had pointed him right to me. I knew I had only minutes before he'd come around the corner and find me sitting in a disgusting heap. I quickly sniffed back the snot that was running down my chin and wiped the hot tears tracks from my cheeks. I pulled myself up using the wooden fence surrounding the two garbage bins for leverage. I'd just gotten straightened up and was furiously brushing grass off my rear just as Edward rounded the corner.

"There you are!"

"Here I am." I hoped my voice sounded more sincere than my smile looked.

"I've been calling for you."

"Sorry. I was taking out the garbage." I pointed lamely to the bins behind me.

"Yeah, thanks for that. Mom just told me how much you've been helping out today." Edward smiled warmly at me. Even though the other boy's conversation was still fresh in my mind, smiling back at Edward was an automatic reaction.

_He was so pretty._

"I think everyone is gone. Do you want to stay over and play a game or watch a movie?"

I nodded furiously at his invitation. Say no to a chance to spend alone time with Edward? If James and Felix had their way, I wouldn't have many more chances.

"Great." He chuckled at my bauble head impersonation. "You go in and pick something. I'll go and get us something to drink."

"OK."

For the next two hours, my best friend and I laughed at the antics of Johnny in the control tower and Ted Stryker in the cockpit of the seemingly doomed 'Airplane'. I sipped on my Cherry Coke Zero and let the comedy writing of the Zucker brothers wash away all of the bad that had landed on me earlier.

As the actors on the screen battled slap stick humor and blow up dolls, I chanced a glance to my right and for a moment I allowed myself to stare at the boy next to me. Not for the first or even second time in the last couple of days, I was struck by how much Edward's looks affected me.

I may not be as savvy as my aunt when it came to understanding what these new feelings meant or how to deal with them, but I couldn't deny any longer that I felt more than friendship from him. And I couldn't deny that I wanted him to feel more for me.

Regardless of how hard James worked on his plan, today was my best friend's birthday party and he'd chosen to spend nearly all of it at my side and for once in my life, I was going to enjoy the moment and not worry about what might happen.

June and July ended without any noticeable influence over the way Edward treated me from James and his crew. Then again, I didn't see much of him due to his game schedule. July was even worse. The team was traveling all over the Southwest playing tournaments. Edward was now a full time starter in the pitching rotation and with his help, the Spartans were quickly becoming known on the high school circuit as the team to beat.

They'd been traveling the country for the last three weeks playing in various tournaments in the Southwest. Emmett, Jasper and I drove to all of the games within the state but, Esme drew the line at allowing him to take us to the farther states like Texas, New Mexico and Florida. As a family, the Cullen's had made several trips to watch him play and when they returned, Esme, always made it a point to tell me how much he missed me and wished that I could've gone with him.

I was grateful for the information, but inside I was dying to be losing so much time with him. Our time apart did make the moments he was home that much more important. At first, I was afraid that he'd want to spend his time home with his new friends, but to my love sick eyes, it appeared that Edward missed me almost as much as I'd missed him.

When he was home, we fell right back into our usual pattern of movies, comic book reading and bike rides around the neighborhood. Most of the time it was just the two of us since Emmett and Jasper had officially began dating Rose and Alice.

With Edward being so far away from them, the Cullen's had caved and retired Edward's purple Barbie phone. Armed with a new iPhone, Edward had become somewhat of a social butterfly. He had a FaceBook page and a twitter. Both medias were constantly being updated with his stats. I took particular interest in his FaceBook page. I watched as his friend list grew daily with pictures of beautiful girls. It was bad enough that I was in competition with the likes of Tanya and Lauren when he was in town, but it was so much worse to see that he was picking up such pretty admirers from different states. What made matters worse was that these new girls weren't your run of the mill high schoolers. Oh no, they were clearly the cream of the crop, all shiny hair, clear skin and bright smiles and all of them were vying for Edward's attention. It would've been very easy for me to throw in the towel and give up on him. However, the fact that Edward still made it a point to text or call me nearly daily, gave me the just enough courage to believe that I had a chance.

Thank goodness Phil had the forethought to include me on his family plan when he upgraded my phone earlier this year. Edward and I traded several texts a day. Today was special, because instead of receiving texts, Edward had called.

Although I hadn't detected a change in his behavior where I was concerned, there was no doubt that the older boys were having an effect on his attitude.

"You should've been there, Bella, I was on track to throwing a no-hitter until that asshole ripped a dinger to right. Thankfully, Joe was there and threw that fucker out at first."

"_Asshole?" "Fucker?" _Who was this person?

"Um, yeah, I wish I could've been there too." I blamed the shock of his language for my lame answer. "You guys still ended up winning though, right?"

"Hell yes, we won! Didn't you hear me say I almost pitched a no-hitter? Geez, Swan, why don't you try cleaning out your ears and listening." He chuckled.

His tone was joking but it stung just the same.

"Right, I'll do that." I tried to cover my discomfort with a small chuckle of my own hoping to put an end to that part of the conversation.

"So, we have two more games here in Texas and then we're home for two weeks before the tournament in Florida." He uttered excitably.

I really wanted to match his enthusiasm for the Florida tournament as it was going to be held in Orlando at Disney world and I really wanted to go. The Cullen's were going to make it a family vacation. Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark had planned to take Jasper and me to the games, but a colleague of my uncle's had to take early paternity leave, so our trip was cancelled. Esme offered to take Jasper and me with them, but Aunt Janet felt it was too much of an imposition. I was crushed when she'd said no and briefly thought about talking Charlie into taking me, but that impulse passed quickly when I overheard my aunt and uncle discussing the costs. That amount of money would mean nothing to the Cullen's or Renee and Phil, but it would be a lot to ask of a man on a civil servant s pay.

"I really wish I could watch you play in Florida." I told him honestly.

His voice became softer. "I wish you could be there too. Are you sure you can't make it? Maybe I could get mom to leave Emmett and bring you instead?"

"I don't think your mom would do that."

"You never know. Ever since the 'net incident' at the Mariner's game, she hasn't been too happy with taking him anywhere public." I smiled at the reminder of Emmett's antics at the Mariner's game last summer. He'd posted the segment from ESPN onto Youtube and gotten over two thousand views. He considered himself a legend for having gotten on TV. I suspected that half of those views were Emmett watching himself, but I couldn't prove it. "Besides, I'd much rather you were here instead of him."

I chuckled at the blatant honesty in his voice while my insides fluttered at the thought he'd rather I was with him. "Edward, he's your brother."

"He's a giant pain in my ass. Besides, I'll get my fill of him as soon as baseball is over. I only get you until August." I let the first part of his statement go and focused on only the last bit. _'I only get you until August.'_ There go those flutters again.

Hearing his words made all of the feeling that had been developing over the last year come falling down on me. I wanted to tell him then that I didn't want to be just his friend. I wanted more because he was everything to me.

"Edward, I need to tell you…" The sound of his hotel door slamming open, interrupted my confession.

"Yo, Edward! Get off the damn phone with today's _flavor_. Coach says to get on the bus now or he's benching your ass!" Even from several states away, James's voice still had me cringing.

"Hold your damn horses!" Edward yelled back. He sounded very comfortable shouting at the older boy. "Hold on a second, Bella." I waited on my end, listening to the muffled conversation between the two of them. I heard James mutter, "Fucker", and then there was laughter from both boys before the sound of the door opening and closing.

"Sorry about that. I have to go before coach has an aneurysm. I'll talk to you later?"

"Uh, of course. Have a good game."

"Always do."

Edward disconnected and I was left staring at his face on my contacts list. The face that I had grown to love still had the same bright emerald eyes, framed with impossibly long and dark lashes. The same dazzling smile still made me sigh every time it was directed in my general direction, but the words he used, the disrespectful tone…they were foreign to my understanding of Edward. And only made me more aware of the changes he'd gone through while under the influences of people like James. It also made me wonder if or when that influence would begin to impact our relationship.

Knowing that the only person who would call me was on a bus in Texas, probably being ogled by girls prettier, less pale and thinner than me and using foul language, I plugged in my phone and left it to charge on my nightstand. I gathered up the towels from my bathroom and the old sheets I'd stripped off the bed and headed downstairs. I'd promised Jasper I'd bring them down an hour ago, but the call from Edward had distracted me.

Jasper and Emmett's voices met me as I made my way down the stairs. They were discussing their double date from the night before. After much debate, my aunt and Jasper had agreed on a set of dating rules or guidelines as Jasper liked to refer to them when his mother wasn't within ear shot. He had a curfew of midnight and for the time being, he was only allowed to double date, or bring Alice to the house when his parents were home. Jasper had made several objections to the rules, but his mother was adamant that there would be no 'little Jaspers' running around until well after college.

"Hey, Stumble Bee." I smiled at Emmett's familiar greeting.

"Finally!" Jasper exclaimed as I handed over my laundry basket. "I've been waiting for a flipping hour for these." He grabbed the basket and disappeared into the adjoining laundry room to resume his chore.

"I'm sorry, I was on the phone with Edward." I apologized over my shoulder to my cross cousin and began emptying the dishwasher.

"How is my baby brother?"

"He's good. We couldn't talk very long. They were waiting for him to get on the bus."

"Yeah? The coach has him on a pretty short leash after the trouble he got into."

I paused putting the glasses in the cupboard, and turned to look at Emmett. "Trouble? He didn't say anything about being in trouble."

Emmett's eyes lit up at the prospect of tattling on his brother. "Apparently, 'Romeo' got caught after curfew in the hotel pool with one of his groupies. The coach called mom. She blew a fuse. Dad had to stop her mid-way through packing a bag to go and bring her 'innocent' baby home." Emmett laughed.

"No way! Shy little Eddie was with a girl?" Jasper asked, taking his recently vacated seat at the table.

"Yep. I can hardly believe it myself. Baby bro is growing up and trying to get him some. I'm so proud." Emmett wiped a mock tear from his eye.

My whole body clenched at Emmett's words.

_Edward was with a girl? _

_At night? _

_In a pool? _

_Alone? _

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><p>Please don't hate me for the cliffie. Believe me, it really was for the best. The next chapter is nearly finished. Stick with me. We're almost there!<p>

Thank you for all of the support.

ruinedbyrob


	17. Chapter 17

**Here it is. The one you've been waiting for. I think a tissue warning is valid for this chapter. I'll be available for hand holding at the end.**

**I want to give a shout out and a giant THANK YOU, to Mauigirl60, for graciously stepping in and being my emergency beta on this chapter. Thank you B! *Mwah*  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. I own this plot and the laptop used to write it.**

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 17**

"Whoa, Bella, are you okay?"

My heart clenched at Emmett's words just as my hand clenched around the glass I was holding.

"Em, grab a towel; she's bleeding all over the floor!"

"Bella, let go of the glass!" I looked through watery eyes to see my cousin pulling apart my tightly clenched fist. As he pulled to release my fingers, pieces of glass fell from my hand into the puddle of blood at my feet.

"Shit, man, she's shaking."

"I think she's in shock! Help me move her to the chair." Their hands were ice cold against my hot skin.

"911! We need to call 911!" Emmett's frantic shouting jolted me out of my stupor.

"No. I'm okay. I'm okay." My shaking voice and hands belied my statement, as I watched Jasper wrap my bleeding hand in one of his mother's yellow dish towels.

"Holy crap, B! You had us scared to death!" Emmett exclaimed, plopping down into the chair next to me in an exhausted- looking heap.

I smiled weakly at Emmett's concern.

With my wounded hand firmly wrapped up, my cousin took the seat next to me.

"What was that about?" he asked quietly. Just like his mom, Jasper's quiet voice spoke volumes.

"Yeah, what the hell _was_ that? I mean, you were straight up frozen. Though it was pretty bad- ass the way you crushed that glass with your Kung Fu grip." I kept my eyes averted from both boys and concentrated on the throbbing pain emanating from my right hand, instead of thoughts of my Edward swimming with half -naked girls.

"Bella, we need to take a look at your hand to see if you need stitches." I nodded to Jasper and followed him to the sink. He turned on both taps until the water ran lukewarm, and unwrapped my hand. Blood never bothered me, but as Jasper removed the tight wrapping, I was overcome by the pain.

"Em, catch her. She's swaying."

"I got you, B." I vaguely registered Em's arms come around me. I let him hold me up as Jasper inspected my hand. The pain of the blood rushing back to the wound completely overrode the embarrassment of Emmett being able to feel the ever- present fat rolls around my stomach.

"We'll have Dad take a look when he comes home, but I don't think it looks deep enough for stitches." I nodded absently at Jasper's assessment of the wound, not caring if I was left with a scar on my hand. I was more worried about the one that had just been left on my heart.

Emmett tightened his hold on me and I felt my soft stomach start to squish against his strong arms. "I'm good, Em." I pulled out of his arms, covering my embarrassment with a reassuring pat on his arm.

"Are you sure?" He let me go but stayed close, obviously not trusting me to stay upright under my own power.

"No, really. I'm fine," I assured him and wrapped my hand in a paper towel.

"Go sit down," Jasper ordered in a tone I recognized as similar to the one his mother used when she was frustrated.

I complied, watching guiltily as he began cleaning up my blood and the bits of broken glass from the floor.

"So,what the hell was that, B?" Emmett asked again, quietly from beside me.

"I, um, I don't know. I guess my hand must've cramped up or something," I answered calmly. It would serve no one, especially me if I lost control right now.

"That wasn't a cramp, Bella." Jasper tossed the bloody paper towels into the bin and sat down across the table from Emmett and me. I kept my eyes trained on the table top. He was right and if I looked at him, he'd know it, too.

No one spoke for several minutes. I could feel the stares of both boys on me, no doubt trying to figure out how many shades of crazy I was.

"Bella," Jasper said.

I took a deep breath and raised my eyes to Jasper's.

"What happened?"

I couldn't tell them I'd had a mental snap over hearing that Edward was caught with another girl. No, I couldn't let them know that. So I lied.

"I don't know."

Jasper eyed me quizzically, disbelief clearly showing in his expression.

"Well, whatever the hell it was, it scared the pudding out of me!" Emmett exclaimed, rubbing his hands roughly over his closed eyes. "I was afraid we'd have to give you a slap to get you back." His words were meant to be funny, but I could hear the concern in them.

I owed both boys an explanation and my thanks. "Thanks for taking care of me. You guys were great. Really, I don't know what happened. I couldn't even feel the glass. It won't happen again." They would have to take an IOU for the explanation.

"You're welcome, B, always happy to lend a hand to a damsel in distress." Emmett patted me tenderly on the back, smiling broadly.

I returned his smile, avoiding my cousin's more discerning look.

"So, who wants to hop in the car and head to the diner for a cheeseburger? I'm starved. This hero stuff is hard work." Emmett rubbed his stomach for effect.

"You guys go ahead, I'm going to take a few aspirin and lie down." I got out of my chair, being careful not to bump my throbbing hand.

"You sure?"

"Yes." I nodded at Emmett.

"Okay then. You up for it, J?"

"Yeah, let me wash my hands and I'll meet you at the car."

Emmett gave me another brotherly pat on the back and left to wait in the car.

As soon as he was out of the room, Jasper turned his attention back to me. "Bella…"

I had to stop him. I at that moment, I was not capable of discussing the situation.

"I'm fine Jasper, really." He let out a deep breath of frustration at my interruption and walked over to the sink.

I watched my quiet cousin methodically wash out the blood from the dish towel before washing his hands. Figuring he was occupied, I turned to make my escape, as I could only contain my distress and embarrassment for so long.

I was three steps out of the room when his words stopped me cold.

"What happened at the pool with that girl doesn't change anything. You know he cares about you." With my back turned away from him, he couldn't see the tears of frustration threatening to spill or how hard it was for me to keep from crumpling to the floor.

"When guys are together in a group, there's pressure and we do stuff, sometimes stupid stuff that we wouldn't normally do. Just keep that in mind when you hear things. You're very important to him . . . to all of us." I choked back a sob and ran upstairs to my room.

Two Advil later, and with my injured hand elevated on the pillow beside me, I started thinking about what had happened and how I was going to deal with the situation. Jasper's reassurance that I was important to Edward kept running through my mind.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that my 'lock up' occurred just as Emmett was taking about Edward's night- time activities. I acknowledged that the fact that Jasper was able to guess there was more to it than the shock had me a little scared. If he could see that, who else could? He'd also mentioned peer pressure. The fact that he'd noticed it right away was even more disturbing than the possibility that I had _I love Edward Cullen_ written on my forehead for everyone to see.

James had promised to use peer pressure to get Edward to dump me. All summer long I'd heard and seen glimpses of the changes in him, but whenever he was with me, he was still the same old Edward. Well, maybe not exactly the same. He was taller, more graceful and he had biceps that made my palms sweat whenever he flexed. But when we were together, it was as if the time we were apart never existed.

Was I just being a blind idiot and ignoring the facts? The old Edward would never have sneaked out after curfew and go swimming with strange girls. Or use such bad language either.

Despite how he treated me when it was just the two of us, Edward _was_ changing.

I would need to change, too, unless I wanted to lose him.

My freak out in the kitchen was more than embarrassing.

It was sad.

When Edward returned from the road, he'd find a new and improved Bella.

Edward might have spent a little time at night with those girls in the pool, but when he finished the tournaments and returned home, he would spend his days with _me_ and would be accompanying _me_ to the End of Summer dance. That knowledge put a smile on my face as I tucked my bandaged hand under the pillow and drifted off to sleep.

"You know, if we could get a cord long enough to reach up here, we'd be able to watch the Mariners game." I glanced up from my book to give Edward a speculative look. His perfect teeth sparkled brightly in the sunlight as he smiled widely at me, waiting for my answer.

"And what would we watch the game on?" I asked calmly, tapping my fingers knowingly against the crisp book cover.

"Well, a nice thirty-two -inch flat, screen would fit nicely over in the corner." He motioned to the opposite side of the tree house.

As the summer progressed, Rose and Alice became bigger parts of Jasper's and Emmett's lives. Their free time was now consumed with 'hanging out' with their girls. They gradually lost interest in the tree house and Edward and I wasted no time in taking it over.

It had taken a little practice, but I was now able to navigate the dreaded rope ladder with the finesse of a baby hippo. That, in my estimation was a far sight better than the three-legged elephant impression I'd started out with.

Our comic books, board games and other stuff had migrated to the tree. It took us almost an hour of pushing and pulling to get the cooler up there but it was worth it. Now he was taking about hauling a TV up?

"Um, I don't think the reception would be very good up here." I was _so_ not going to haul a TV up that rope ladder.

"What? We can practically touch God from up here. The signal would be awesome."

"Too many leaves," I stated flatly and returned to my book.

Edward had been back in town for nearly two weeks. His season was over and our friendship had picked up right where we'd left off at the beginning of the summer with no noticeable changes in the way he treated me.

I'd made my peace with what I'd overheard in the kitchen two weeks ago and, I honestly just wanted to move forward. I only had a little time left with Edward before I had to return to Phoenix, precious little time to come up with a plan to make him realize that I was the girl he should be sneaking out to meet after curfew. I was the only girl who should be posting 'selfies' on his Facebook page. Actually, I'd never do that sort of thing, but I wanted to be the only one with the right to post.

Unfortunately, the reminder of my breakdown in the kitchen had not gone unnoticed by my aunt. She'd noticed the bandage on my hand immediately upon returning to the house. And my answer of, "It's nothing" was not received very well. She'd almost gone into 'interrogator' mode. I never fared well up against 'interrogator' mode. Luckily, Jasper returned from his outing with Emmett and had reinforced my assertion that the wound was indeed nothing. However, the look he gave me after his mother inspected the cut, made it clear that he felt there was more to it than a 'hand cramp', but he'd let it go. And that was only just one of the reasons my cousin had become one of my favorite people.

Using my book as a cover for my leering, I watched Edward lean out the window to survey the leaf situation. My breath caught as his white t-shirt rode up over his hip, flashing a sliver of tanned skin. Since he'd returned from the tournament in Florida a week ago, I'd found myself taking every opportunity to watch him. I'd gotten quite adept at what I liked to call 'Covert Edward Watching'.

My heart had skipped a beat when he'd taken off his shirt earlier to show me the bruise on his side he'd gotten covering home base in the last game of the tourney. I'd nearly fainted when he'd invited me to touch the bright purple and yellow wound. I'd wanted to hunt down and hurt the boy who'd barreled into my Edward and left such an ugly mar on his otherwise perfect skin. My face had betrayed my murderous intent, causing Edward to laugh and remind me he was okay. Since then, I'd had to fight the urge to stare at him and keep my wandering hands to myself.

Subsequently, I'd become an 'Edward skin junkie'. Nothing was sacred. I'd even named the two moles on his neck, Bert and Ernie beckoned me to touch them constantly. I also had a particular fascination with his fingers, but couldn't figure out why.

"Hmm, you might be right. Oh, well. I guess it's better this way. Emmett would've killed me when he saw the empty space on his dresser."

With the question of us stealing Emmett's new TV and getting cable in the tree house seemingly closed, he sat back down and I willed my breathing to slow to normal, after being exposed to the PG-13 skin show.

We'd just returned to our reading when Edward's phone rang. I watched, fascinated by the way his long fingers moved across the slick surface of the phone

"Hey, James." The hairs on the back of my neck stood up at the mention of his name.

"Not much, just hanging out. What's up with you? Yeah, that sounds good." Edward's eyes met mine briefly before he stood up and turned away to face the opposite wall. He continued his conversation in hushed tones.

I suppose I should've left and given him some privacy, but as we were in a tree, there was no really no place for me to go. So I sat there and listened. Besides, it wasn't as if he and I kept secrets from each other. Well, there were the, _'I might be in love with you' and the 'I got caught after curfew with a couple of skanks' _secrets, but that was it.

_Right? _

I had to strain to hear him, but I could still make out his words. "No, that's fine, I want to see that movie. No, I understand. Dude, please, she won't be a problem. Tell Royce he still owes me for the bet in Orlando. Screw that! I totally earned my reward. Coach was pissed. Don't even get me started on the crap I had to take from Esme. He more than owes me the large popcorn and box of Hot Tamales I want as payment." Edward paused to laugh at something James said before answering in a low, breathy tone. "Oh, yeah she was totally worth it. I'll see you all then. Later."

Edward swiped his long fingers across the phone to end the call.

_Stop looking at his hands. Stop looking at his hands._

He turned back to me with a look of embarrassment on his face. He quickly replaced it with a small smile before shoving the phone into his front pants pocket and returning to his bean bag next to mine. I continued to read my book, pretending that I didn't overhear his phone call or that I desperately wanted to know who _she _was and what the _problem_ was. And who was _'totally worth it'? _

My mind spun in circles trying to decipher his conversation as we continued to read -or in my case, pretend to read- in silence for several minutes before Edward received another call from his mother, telling him to come home for dinner.

I tamped down the feelings of dread that had taken up residence in my stomach flying around like sadistic butterflies with sharp horned foreheads. I nodded or agreed at the appropriate moments while Edward chatted normally about mundane things as we picked up our stuff and climbed down from the tree.

We'd just put away the remnants of our afternoon snack when Edward, grabbed his back pack and started for the door. As was our usual procedure every day we were together, I followed behind, to see him out and make our plans for the next day.

Edward opened the door and walked out onto the porch, I waited to hear what he'd say about tomorrow. He reached the stairs and turned back to me.

I plastered a smile on my face, waiting to hear what he'd say.

"Um, I'm going to be busy helping my mom all day tomorrow." My fake smile faltered as I watched him stare at the floor. I hated that he was lying to me.

I could've baited him by asking what he and his mother were going to be doing and offer my help, but I already knew he was lying. Why torture myself with more lies? In fact, why lie to me at all? If he wanted to go to the movies with his other friends, why didn't he just tell me? As much as I was afraid that he might start allowing their prejudices to alter the way he felt about me, I never said a thing when he chose to do something with the guys from the team.

"I'll see you later, okay?"

What was I going to say? _No?_ I nodded quickly and turned to go back into the house. I didn't want him to see how his lie affected me.

"Bella!" My hand paused over the doorknob; I took a deep breath and turned back to Edward.

I stood silently, watching him pull at his hair and stare at the ground.

Finally, he spoke. "Um, so, I guess I'll see you this weekend?

"Sure, Edward. Have a good time at the movies tomorrow." I gave him a small wave and walked into the house.

As soon as the door closed. I quickly moved to the living room and peered through the curtains; Edward was still standing where I left him at the top of the stairs, staring at the door with a stunned look on his face.

I hadn't intended to let him know I'd overheard his conversation. However, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a tiny bit of me that wasn't just a little happy at the look of surprise on his face.

From my hiding place behind the gauzy curtains, I watched Edward walk away with his head down and shoulders hunched.

After Edward's sad shadow was no longer evident on the sidewalk, I wandered into the kitchen. A quick look at the clock reminded me that Aunt Janet, Uncle Mark, and Jasper would all be returning home soon and I still needed to finish preparations for the spaghetti dinner I'd promised.

Despite the turmoil that was bouncing around my brain, I'd managed to pull off dinner without burning myself or any of the food. I'd even managed to participate in the conversations around me without alerting my aunt to the most recent Edward drama, I'm guessing my aunt's attention was easily diverted by Jasper's admission that he'd asked Alice to the End of Summer dance and wanted permission to borrow the car for the evening.

"Speaking of the dance, Bella, we need to plan our trip into Port Angeles for dress shopping." The fork I'd been using to push around my mostly untouched food, clattered against the plate.

I'd forgotten that the dance was a week away. We hadn't spoken about it since he'd come back. I guessed we were still going.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Three pairs of concerned eyes were upon me at my aunt's question.

"Nothing, I just slipped."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I was just being spacey. You know me." My diversion worked. My aunt and uncle both laughed before returning to their meal. Jasper was not as easily convinced. The now cold spaghetti was suddenly very interesting. The act of actually eating gave me the excuse I needed to avoid my cousin's accusing eyes.

Dinner ended without any more utensils dropping and a promise to go shopping with my aunt next week.

I spent Friday helping Aunt Janet. We worked in her vegetable and flower gardens, weeding and pruning the flourishing plants. Her constant conversation kept my mind off the fact that instead of spending the day with me, my best friend was out for the afternoon with a group of people who'd made a pact to pressure him into dropping me as a friend.

Saturday morning, Charlie unexpectedly showed up at Aunt Janet's and invited me to go with him to La Push for a barbeque. Truthfully, I wanted to tell him I was busy. I wanted to wait until I heard from Edward, but I'd been neglecting my father this summer so I said I'd go. Besides, Edward had my phone number. He could call me when he got done with his _friends_.

The barbeque wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. Spending time with Jacob and his friends was a lot like playing in the park with a pack of Labrador puppies. They rolled around in the sand, nipping and picking at each other all day. Jacob was easy to talk to and was always quick with a joke. My time with him reminded me of what it was like to be around Edward before things had gotten all complicated. His antics kept my mind off my Edward problems and the fact that I hadn't received any calls from him all day.

Another plus was throughout the day nobody teased me, purposely mispronounced my name or made me feel unwelcomed. They'd even taken me along on a small trek into the woods. Jacob made sure they slowed to my speed and helped me navigate the unfamiliar terrain.

We didn't leave La Push until well after eleven. Charlie felt it was too late to take me back to Aunt Janet's, so we headed to his house. I guess there wasn't a signal at the beach because as soon as we were back in Forks, my phone lit up showing several missed calls and messages from Edward. I didn't want to lie, but there was a part of me that felt a tiny bit pleased about missing his calls while I was at the beach with my new friends.

However, that didn't stop me from listening to his messages the minute I'd shaken Charlie and had settled myself into my room.

**10:00 AM** -_"Hey, it's me, um, Edward. Do you want to come over and watch a movie?"_

**11:15 AM** - _"Hi. Mom says she'll take us to the diner for burgers and fries if you want to have lunch before the movie. Call me back. Oh, this is Edward again." _

**12:30 PM** -_"I guess lunch is out. Probably a good choice since Emmett invited himself to go along. And you know what a freak show that can be. If you want us to bring you something back, call me. Bye."_

**2:00 PM-** _"Bella, are you okay? Why aren't you calling me back? I'm wondering if your phone isn't working. I'll call Miss Janet's and see if I can get ahold of you." _

I nervously chewed my lip as his last voice message ended. He'd sounded worried that he couldn't get a hold of me.

His text message was even more upsetting.

_**I guess u r OK. Just ignoring me. Have fun w/ your new friends.**_

_Oh, crap! _

Was I now supposed to feel bad about going to the beach? Why was he so upset that I was with new friends when he'd been out the day before with his other friends?

Was he jealous? If so, was that a good thing or a bad thing?

There was nothing I could do right now. It was too late to call him and I didn't think that a text message would be enough.

The excitement from the barbeque had exhausted me. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.

"Did you enjoy La Push?" Aunt Janet asked as we shucked the sweet corn on the deck. After a quick breakfast of Pop Tarts and water (Charlie needed to do some serious grocery shopping), he dropped me off at my aunt's before heading back to La Push to meet Billy for fishing.

He'd invited me to go along, but I'd felt that having me on a boat was a disaster of epic proportions waiting to happen. After watching me almost fall down the stairs just walking into the kitchen, he agreed and took me to his sister's.

"I had a good time. Everyone was very friendly." She nodded and handed me more corn.

"Yes, the Quileute's are a very welcoming people. Your father and Billy have been best friends since childhood. Billy has a son about your age."

"Yeah, Jacob. He and his friends were very nice."

"You know, Edward called here looking for you."

"I didn't have a signal at the beach. I saw the messages when I got home."

Aunt Janet stopped shucking and wiped the tiny beads of sweat from her brow. "When I told him where you were, he sounded a bit . . . upset. Bella, are you and Edward having an argument?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Care to expound on that?"

I wasn't ready to tell her about what I'd overheard in Edward's yard on his birthday. Or the worries I had that those plans were coming to fruition. Not to mention the fact that I just might be in love with him. And that he had no right to be angry about where I'd spent my day when he left me to go spend the day in Port Angeles with a bunch of jerks.

Geez, there was a lot of room to expound on.

"No."

Ignoring her raised eyebrow, I wiped the corn silk from my hands and gathered my cleaned ears of corn. With a sigh, Aunt Janet followed me into the kitchen.

"Well, I guess you'll have a chance to clear the air tonight."

I stopped rinsing the corn and turned to her. "Huh?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you? I've invited the Cullens for dinner." She smiled and went back to her dinner preparations.

I'd returned Edward's messages this morning only for it to go straight to voice -mail, three times; thanks to my aunt I guessed Edward and I would be clearing the air. I glanced quickly up at the clock, in about an hour, to be exact.

Full of righteous indignation and just a touch of worry, I descended the stairs for dinner.

The Cullens had already arrived and were all out on the deck with my family. I took a deep breath and joined them.

"Bella!" I smiled as Esme enveloped me into a tight hug when I stepped onto the deck. "How nice to see you."

Carlisle was next.

_My God, he smelled amazing! _

I made a mental note to ask Edward what kind of cologne his dad wore. I might have to give my pillows a spritz or two.

Emmett greeted me with a dimpled smile and a one- armed hug while Edward simply gave me a small wave from his chair.

Hmm, a small wave, no smile and hardly any eye contact. It would appear that Edward was, indeed, upset with me.

Everyone around us went back to their conversations, leaving Edward and me in silence.

I let out a deep breath and took the seat next to Edward.

"Hey."

"Hey." He muttered, while staring intently at the toe of his shoe.

_Well, that was productive._

I guess it was up to me to move this along.

"Um, so, there's apparently no cell signal at La Push. I didn't get your messages until we got home late last night. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Did you have a good time?" he murmured, sullenly.

_Oh, that was not a good tone._

"Yes. The beach was nice," I answered honestly.

"So, you just sat at the beach all day?"

"No. Jacob showed me his dirt bikes and the car he's fixing up. We also hiked a little. You know coming from Phoenix, I'm still having a hard time getting used to how green everything . . ."

"We?"

For the first time since I stepped out onto the deck, he raised his head and looked at me.

"Um, yeah, Jacob and the guys."

I met his eyes and held them for a moment before he lowered his head and resumed staring at his feet.

"I'm so glad you and the _guys_ had a good time."

A bitter retort sat on my tongue at the sharpness of his words, but I swallowed it down, for now.

"Thank you. They were all very nice, very welcoming. Do you know Jacob Black?"

Edward nodded sharply. "He plays on the La Push team."

That was interesting. _Why didn't I know that Jake played baseball? And why is Edward clenching his fists?_

"Do you guys play against them?"

"We play them in the pre-season." That explained it. I usually came back to Forks just as his regular season started. Judging from his attitude, I was guessing the teams were well matched.

"How do you know him?"

"Jacob?" Edward gave another small nod.

"Um, he's the son of my dad's best friend. Apparently, Jacob and I were inseparable when we were little."

_If what my father said was to be believed. _

"So, I guess it was pretty awesome to be reacquainted with your best friend!" Edward spat. I expected him to be angry about me missing his calls but this level of hostility was . . .weird.

I uttered the only word that I felt expressed my honest feelings about what he'd said: "What?"

Edward frowned, pushed up from his chair and walked off the deck. I looked around and saw that nobody seemed to be paying attention to Edward and me, so I moved quickly to follow him out into the yard.

I'd expected him to be up in the tree house, but instead he'd opted to sit on the ground, opposite the house. With our backs against the giant tree, we'd be nearly invisible to the rest of the family.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I not –so- gracefully situated myself on the ground next to him.

"Nothing."

I watched as he pulled handful after handful of my aunt's grass out and tossed it into the area between us, almost as if he were building a wall to keep me away.

I pushed the mound of dead grass out of my way and scooted closer toward him. "Then why are you killing the yard?"

His fist opened and the grass fell to the ground.

"I'm not."

"You're not what? Killing the grass? Because I think my aunt would beg to differ." I laughed and pointed to the bald patches that surrounded him.

Edward frowned at the damage he'd done and leaned back against the tree. His fists curled tightly under his legs, immobilizing them from doing more harm.

My fingers combed through the thick blades as I waited for him answer me. The grass was cool in the waning sun. In fact, the days were gradually cooling, too. Just like the date circled on my calendar, it was yet another sign that my days in Forks were coming to an end, and another school year in Phoenix would be starting. To say that the excitement over my junior year was low would be an understatement.

"So, is he your boyfriend now?"

All the air was sucked from my lungs at his question. I imagined that my face looked like that of a cartoon character's face after being hit in the foot with an oversized sledgehammer, complete with bugged- out eyes and tongue hanging out.

_Was that supposed to be a joke? Was he suffering from sun stroke? _

"You don't hear me laughing and no, I don't have sun stroke. Mom had me checked." If his tone hadn't been enough of a clue, the anger flashing from his bright eyes certainly clued me in that I'd made those statements out loud.

A huff of frustration escaped from his pursed lips before he turned away from me. As confused as I was from what he'd just said, I longed to throw my arms around him and snuggle in the space between his broad shoulders, breathing in his scent.

_Maybe I was the one with sun stroke then?_

I shook my head, trying to shake out the inappropriate thoughts I was having regarding my friend's body and attempted to refocus on the clearly crazy statement he'd just made.

"Why would you think Jacob is my boyfriend?" I didn't even try to mask how annoyed I was at him for asking such an insane question.

As much as I enjoyed staring at his broad and strong shoulders, his silence was really pissing me off. He was acting like he jealous?

_Jealous of Jacob? Seriously? _

My elation over the prospect that perhaps Edward was jealous of my spending time with another boy was quickly overridden by the fact that I was the one who should have been all tense and broodingly silent while awaiting an apology. He was, after all, the one who was caught swimming with a strange girl after curfew.

He was the one ditching me for a group of douche bags who hated me simply because of what size jeans I wore.

I could feel my breathing pick up and the heat rise in my cheeks as I pictured him at the movies with Tanya and the 'push-up bra' crew.

He owed me an explanation.

I opened my mouth to demand one explanation for his actions when Edward beat me to it.

"I guess you'll be going to the dance with Jacob then." I could only assume my cartoon face reappeared at his statement.

"Edward, look at me!" I demanded. The strength of my voice surprised even me, yet it did the job.

Edward turned back to me; his cheeks were colored red to match my own.

"Why would I be going to the dance with Jacob?" Edward shrugged and looked away.

_When had he become such a brooder? _

As much as it pained me, I got up to walk back to the house. His refusal to give me any answers was not getting us anywhere and giving me a headache.

I was barely three feet from the tree when he finally spoke. "Why did you ignore me when I called you?"

I turned to glare at him. "I didn't ignore you. There wasn't a signal at the beach. I called you as soon as I got up the next morning. You ignored _me_."

"I was mad." His statement landed heavily in the space between us.

"Why? Because I found some new friends? It's not as if you weren't already busy with your_ other_ friends."

Edward's face blanched. "Bella, I . . . I'm sorry." I watched silently as he ran his finger through his already messy hair.

_Sorry for what? Sorry for lying to me about going to the movies? Sorry about being such a jerk because someone else wanted to spend the afternoon with me? _

"Why did you lie to me about going to the movies?"

Edward winced as if I'd poked him. "Because I didn't want to upset you."

"Why would I be upset?"

"Because I couldn't invite you to come with me."

"Why not?" I pushed.

"Bella, when I'm playing baseball, I finally feel part of something. I'm part of the team and they treat me like I'm one of them. They accept me."

"That's not what I asked."

"The guys . . . they don't know you like I do . . . it's complicated." He blew out a frustrated breath and went back to staring at his feet.

He looked so upset, I took pity on him. "It's okay, Edward, you don't have to explain." I already knew everything I needed to know. Well, almost.

"Edward, do you still want to go to the dance with me?"

"Did _you_ still want to go?"

I nodded at him, probably a bit more enthusiastically than I should have, considering that I was upset with him. Despite everything, I still wanted to be the girl he walked into the ballroom with. I wanted to get dressed up for him and I wanted him to want to do the same for me.

"Then I guess we'll go together." Edward grinned.

Yes, I wanted him to admit to being jealous of Jacob. I wanted him to tell me that I meant more to him than that group of losers he called friends. And yes, I wanted him to admit that he wanted more from me than just friendship. But, the fifteen- year- old girl in me chose to forget about everything except the fact that Edward Cullen was taking me to the dance.

I returned his grin with a wide one of my own.

"Okay, now turn around and show me the back."

I dutifully gave a quick twirl, allowing my Aunt Janet to see if the yellow party dress I was currently modeling satisfactorily hid my giant butt and wide hips.

"It's perfect!" she announced clapping her hands and smiling at me.

I turned back to the mirror. I don't think I would have used the word 'perfect' to describe anything having to do with me but I was pleasantly surprised at how nice the dress looked. It had a slightly fitted bodice that gave the illusion I had a waist and was long enough to hide my chunky thighs. The neck line wasn't plunging by any means, but it gave a hint of cleavage and the sleeves were long enough to hide my arm fat.

"You're beautiful, Bella. The boys won't know what hit them. I'm going to go pay for the dress. You get changed. We'll need to hurry home so you can get ready. Have you given any thought to how you'll wear your hair? I think an up-do with curls around your face would be beautiful." Her petite hands twisted my dull brown hair into the style she was describing.

"See? It's lovely." I looked in the mirror; the hairstyle was very feminine and made my neck look slender. It also gave the impression that I actually had cheekbones under the pudginess of my face.

"No. I want to wear it down." As much as I liked the way I looked with that hairstyle, I reminded myself that _he_ liked my hair down, loose and wavy.

"Okay, sweetheart, whatever you prefer." Aunt Janet didn't try to talk me into it or demand that I give into her superior fashion sense. She just gave my shoulders a quick squeeze, smiling at me once more in the mirror before rushing out of the dressing room.

Grudgingly, I took off the dress and put back on my baggy jeans and t-shirt.

In spite of my now-frumpy attire, I smiled again. Tonight, I was going to the End of Summer dance on the arm of Edward Cullen, my best friend of the last three summers and the boy I'd had an all-consuming crush on for the last two. I hugged the dress to my chest and sighed. For the first time in my life, I couldn't wait to have people look at me.

After the La Push episode (as I called it), life, as I'd known it, had gone somewhat back to normal. I was still ignoring the questions we'd left unanswered under the tree. I'd lived my whole life in the cold reality of who I was. I chose to spend my last week in Forks, pretending that Bella Swan wasn't the loser everyone in Phoenix thought she was.

In the week since the barbeque, Edward and I had a movie night, one bike ride to the park and several afternoons in the tree house. There was an underlying tension to our time together, but neither of us acknowledged it.

I wanted nothing to get in the way of ending the summer on a good note. Apparently, Edward wanted the same thing. I knew he was still friendly with the other guys, but he didn't mention them and neither did I.

I was hoping that the dance tonight would give me the opportunity to tell him how I felt; how I wanted to be his girlfriend and how much I wanted him to feel the same for me.

I was happy in my bubble.

"Why don't you go upstairs and get cleaned up? I'll do a quick steam on your dress. When you're ready, I'll help you do your hair and makeup." I smiled as Aunt Janet was unable to keep the excitement from her voice.

In fact, I was unable to hide the excitement I felt from my step as I bounded upstairs to my room.

The hot water felt wonderful and the lavender body wash smelled heavenly as I scrubbed myself down with my green shower puff. My hair glistened in the bathroom light as I used my hair dryer and round brush to give my hair lift and body.

My aunt was true to her word, laid out on my bed was my new dress, all pressed and perfect.

I tightened my robe as a cool breeze came in through the open window. If the goose bumps on my arms were any indication, I'd make good use of the short sweater Aunt Janet insisted we buy to go with the dress.

Voices from the deck below the open window interrupted my moment of solitude. I recognized the voices of Emmett, Jasper, and Edward. Never wanting to miss an opportunity to watch Edward unobserved, I rushed to the window and peered out onto the deck.

Much to my dismay, along with my cousin and the Cullens, I saw that James and Felix were with them. I hugged the wall just a little closer.

"J, that strength training is paying off. You were beating that ball like it owed you money!" Emmett exclaimed.

"You know it!" The sound of hands slapping and high-fiving carried up to the room.

"What about my man Edward throwing the heat?" asked the voice I recognized as belonging to James.

"Little bro, you were looking good."

"Good? The dude was on fucking fire," Felix added.

"Like I said, he was good." Emmett sounded slightly ticked off at Felix's statement.

"I think I'm going to grab a drink and then head in to get ready for the dance." I heard the sliding deck door open.

"Yeah, I think I will, too. Rosie said she had a surprise for me and I don't want to be smelling all rank. It might affect my surprise and you know how much I like presents. Edward, you might want to think about heading home, too. I'm sure Bella would appreciate it if you didn't smell all sweaty and nasty."

"Um, you go ahead." Edward sounded distracted.

I heard the door shutting behind Jasper and Emmett, leaving Edward, James and Felix alone on the deck.

I should've shut the window and gone on with my preparations. Instead I stayed hidden behind the curtain and listened.

"Dude, are you really taking _that girl_ to the dance?" I cringed at Felix's question.

"Seriously Edward? You could have your choice of any girl in town. Why the hell would you choose to take _her_? Do you not like _real girls_? Is that it? Should we be finding you a nice third baseman?" James and Felix both laughed.

"Shut up!"

"Whoa, Edward, did we hit a nerve? I just assumed that after the _pool _incident, you liked girls. Maybe I was wrong." My stomach tightened at James' mention of the pool.

"Hey, it's okay. We're an open minded bunch. You might ask Coach if you can use the girl's showers. The other guys might not be as forward thinking as we . . ."

"I'm not gay!" Edward shouted angrily, cutting Felix off.

"Then why the flying-fuck would you willingly take that fat cow to the dance?"

"Don't call her that," Edward weakly ordered.

"What? Don't call her fat? Or a cow?"

Tears began forming in my eyes at Edward's silence.

"Does she put out? Is that the reason? If it is . . . Jesus, man, every girl in this town is willing to spread her legs for you. You don't have to slum it with fat chicks to get your dick wet. You're better than that."

"Quasimodo is better than that." Their laughter at my expense rose up to my window like thick smoke, choking me with their words.

"God. Can you imagine it? Sex with that. . . _thing_. Just the thought of touching all of that flab makes me want to rinse my dick off with bleach."

"How would you even get it up for that?"

"Viagra?"

"Porn. Lots of porn. So, tell us Edward, how do you get it up?"

"We don't. . . I haven't had sex with her." I had to lean against the screen to hear him.

"No sex? That makes it even worse. You willingly spend time with _it_, and don't even get a blow job in return?" Felix's voice was heavy with disgust.

My hands were clenched tightly as I silently begged Edward to say something to get them to stop.

"Now, wait a minute Felix, let's not jump to conclusions. Maybe Edward has a good reason to hurt his reputation and embarrass the team by hanging out with Balloon Butt Bella. Go ahead, Edward, tell us why you're willing to slum it, we really want to know."

I don't know what hurt worse. James and Felix's hateful words or the silence of the boy I called my friend.

That was a lie.

I knew which hurt worse. But we'd been here before and Edward always came through when it counted. I just needed to have faith.

"Yeah, Edward, tell us why you'd choose to take a hippo to a dance where everyone will see you two together," Felix urged.

"You don't know her . . . she's my . . . we're. . ."

"Spit it out, Forrest!"

_Say it, Edward. Please. Tell them we're friends. Tell them how we finish each other's sentences. How we laugh at the same jokes and love the same movies. Tell them how we're exactly what we need to complete each other. Please. Please. Please!_

"You think I willingly spend time with Blubber? Hell, no! My mom pays me to be her friend. I guess she doesn't have any friends where she comes from, so when she's here, I pretend. You know, so she doesn't throw herself off a cliff or something. Not a bad way to make some extra cash." I barely recognized that hateful voice as Edward's.

_My bubble burst._

"Bullshit! You're trying to get us to believe that you willingly spend time with her huge ass for a little spending money?"

"Hey, you can believe me or not it's up to you. But like you said, I can get any girl I want. I think the Texas incident proved that. When I'm driving around in my brand new car next spring and you two assholes are still cruising in your rust buckets, you'll believe me."

Edward couldn't have hurt me more if he'd plunged a knife directly into my heart. I had to grab the windowsill to stay upright. My actions must've jostled the blinds just enough, because James looked up at the window. His smirk told me that my pain was visible from the deck.

I willed myself away from the window. The sounds of Felix and James congratulating Edward on fooling them followed me as I fell to my knees beside my bed.

I don't know how long I sat on the floor. My arms were wrapped around my stomach tightly as I rocked back and forth.

"Bella!" I felt arms come around me. "Sweetheart, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

All I could do was nod at her question. She didn't know how deeply the damage went.

"C'mon, sweetie." I felt her tug at my arms, urging me to the bed. I couldn't watch as she carefully picked up my dress and moved it out of the way.

"Bella, baby, tell me what's wrong." I leaned into the cool hand on my forehead.

"I don't feel good," I stammered.

"You don't feel hot. In fact, you're freezing." She pulled away from me to shut the window. The bed shifted as she sat back beside me. Where had she been twenty minutes ago?

"You're so pale. Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere."

"I'll go get your uncle. Stay here. Don't try to move."

I nodded. Moving wasn't going to be an issue.

_It was all an act?_

How could I have been so stupid? How could I have believed him? Of course he was my friend out of pity. That made sense. Edward being my friend because I was actually likeable . . . that made no sense.

James was right- I was a fat, _stupid_ cow.

"Janet, calm down."

"Hurry, Mark. Something is terribly wrong. Sweetie, tell Uncle Mark what's wrong."

"Bella, I'm going to take your pulse, okay?" I felt someone touch my wrist. "It's slightly elevated but not racing. Bella, does your stomach hurt?" I nodded.

"Are you having trouble breathing?" I nodded. Everyone knows you can't breathe without a heart. And mine was gone.

"Mark, she's having a heart attack!"

"No, I don't think so. Bella, lie down." I relinquished control of my body as they gently pushed me to the bed.

"Janet, cover her up. She's freezing."

I could hear them move about the room. Aunt Janet wanted to call an ambulance, Uncle Mark wanted to wait.

Suddenly the lies and hurt roiling around in my gut boiled over.

"I think I need to throw up."

Throwing the covers off, I ran to the bathroom and began dry heaving into the toilet. I flushed the toilet, watching the bile twist around and disappear, wishing my pain was as easily purged.

"Oh, thank God, it's only the flu. Mark, I've got her. Go back downstairs with Jasper." A comforting hand pulled my hair back and patted my back. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. It's such a pity you'll have to miss the dance."

I let my aunt clean me up and put me to bed, promising to check up on me. I embraced the numbness that began creeping up my body.

As I soaked my pillow with tears and snot, I could hear movement downstairs. I knew that Jasper must be getting ready to leave.

The sound of the doorbell caused my body to freeze in place.

Shortly thereafter, my aunt knocked softly on my door. "Bella, Edward is here."

Hearing his name caused the burning to return, I clutched my stomach again.

"Do you think you can talk to him?" I shook my head vigorously.

"Honey, he's all dressed up to take you to the dance. Don't you want to see him? "

"No."

"Bella, he looks so cute in his suit. So cute and disappointed…"

"NO!"

"Okay . . . okay, I'll tell him you're not feeling well."

I heard my aunt's footsteps on the stairs and a muffled conversation from what I presumed to be my aunt telling that asshole that he wasn't going to get the chance to humiliate me in front of the whole town.

As I lay there in my bed, tears running down my face while trying to hold myself together, I realized something.

I was done.

Done being the butt of everyone's jokes.

Done taking hit after hit with a smile and turning the other cheek.

I was done believing other people's lies.

I knew I couldn't change here, not while I was surrounded by the memories and feelings that up until an hour ago felt true, and certainly not where I would have to look at the face of the boy whose happiness meant more to me than my own.

No, I couldn't stay here any longer.

I reached over and dialed the phone.

"Mom, I want to come home."

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><p>Everyone okay? *Peeks from behind the couch.* I warned you it was going to be rough.<p>

What did you think about Bella leaving? How would you have handled the situation?

As always, thank you for reading. Please consider leaving a review. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time,

ruinedbyrob


	18. Chapter 18

**The votes are in, and Edward sucks! LOL. Read on to see how Bella deals with his douchiness.**

**Mullet86 is the wind beneath my wings, the chocolate in my peanut butter and the calm to my storm. Plus, she goes through my mess with her nifty red pen and makes things all pretty. **

**SM owns all things Twilight. I'm eternally grateful to her for allowing me to play with her toys. **

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

Chapter 18

"Bella! We're over here." My eyes searched for the face belonging to the voice currently yelling my name across the crowded campus.

Shading my eyes from the relentless Arizona sun, I finally saw Angela, waving her arms at me from a shaded bench at the center of the courtyard. Swinging my back-pack onto my shoulder, I stepped away from the shadow of the building and made my way over to my friends.

"Hey, girlfriend. How was the tour?" Angela asked, scooting over on the bench so I could sit down.

"It was fine," I answered simply, setting my bag on the floor at our feet, leafing through the pamphlet describing the sociology department at Northern Arizona University.

"Leave it to Swan to not mince words." I chuckled at Benjamin's statement. I guess I was more like Charlie than I realized.

"Sorry. Let me rephrase. It was absofreaking awesome! My life has been changed forever!" I shouted loud enough to turn the heads of several students walking by.

"Girl, you're crazy." Charlotte laughed, handing me a cup of what I hoped contained a skinny-soy latte.

_Yes! _My insides did a happy dance as I practically gulped down the slightly sweet and all-around yummy beverage.

I joined my three friends as they all laughed at my uncharacteristic outburst.

_My friends._

The thought made me smile. I took a moment to reflect on how I got here.

Nearly a year ago, I'd been betrayed by the person I'd considered my _best_ friend and had left Forks a weeping, broken mess. I'd left the family that loved and accepted me to return to a woman who barely tolerated my existence and a home that had never filled me with half of the warmth and contentment that living in my aunt's home did.

Yet, I did it because as much as hearing Edward call me 'Blubber' and tell his friends that our friendship was nothing more than a joke made me want to crawl into a dark hole and die, my time in Forks had given me something more than a fist sized hole in my chest.

Turns out, I'd found a tiny bit of backbone to go along with my broken heart. My newfound strength translated in having a lot less patience for Renee's incessant criticism.

"My God, Bella, did you not even try to curtail your eating while you were gone? You're as big as you've ever been. And what in the world is this horrible thing?" She held up the beautiful dress I was supposed to have worn on that horrible night.

The clucking sounds of her disdain pierced my ears as she carelessly picked through my clothes on the pretense of helping me get settled after my abrupt return from Forks. In true Renee style, instead of inquiring as to what was so wrong that I called and begged to come back a week earlier than expected (something I would normally never do), she simply sent the e-ticket and told me that I'd have to take a cab home from the airport. "Look at this awful material. And this color . . ."

"That's mine!" Her eyes were as big as saucers when I snatched the dress from her fingers. "I don't care to hear what you have to say about my weight or my clothes. In fact I'm done hearing any of your criticisms."

It took only a second for Renee to counter. "Isabella, what has gotten into you?" I ignored her question and moved to hang my lovely dress in the closet. "If this is how your father and his _sister_ allow you to act, then it's a good thing you came home. I swear they have a lot to answer for if they think that type of behavior is okay. Of course I shouldn't be surprised. Janet was always a bit too permissive with that son of hers. It's no wonder they only had one child. . . "

"Don't!" She could criticize me, but there was no way I'd stand for her to say one bad word about the woman who was more of a mother to me three months out of the year than Renee was the other nine months. "Of all the people in the world, _you're_ the last one that's allowed to criticize anyone else when it comes to parenting," I ignored her intake of breath and glare. "My aunt enjoys spending time with me. She asks me what's wrong when I'm sad and helps me figure out my feelings. She teaches me to cook healthy meals and is constantly telling me that I'm smart, funny, pretty . . . all you do is criticize me and make me feel badly about myself," my voice fell as I realized how much I missed having a mom.

While I didn't expect Renee to suddenly see how bad of a mother she'd been and scoop me into her arms, promising me that things would change and that we'd make up for lost time, I should've known that nothing I could say would change her attitude.

"Well, forgive me if I try to point out a few things you could work on to make yourself a better person. I don't have to stand here and take your abuse," she got up, brushing off non-existent particles from her fitted skirt. "I have a lunch to attend at the club. I'll let you get back to wallowing in how hard a life you've had while you lie on your large, comfortable bed in your gorgeously appointed room and play on your expensive Macbook or new iPhone." Leave it to Renee to confuse supplying me with material things was the same as giving me emotional and physical love.

As she walked out of my room, I could only shake my head and wonder if I would ever have a real relationship with her.

I'd been floating through the days since I'd returned from Forks much like a child's balloon that had escaped their sticky clutches, floating aimlessly through the sky, going wherever the winds took it.

Since returning home, I'd barely left my room.

I spent the bulk of my time lying on my bed, ignoring calls, texts and emails from Edward, as well as a few from my cousin and Emmett.

I had no interest in what Edward had to say. Did he expect me to keep believing his lies? Or pretend I didn't hear him sell me out to his friends?

Honestly, I couldn't figure out why he was even attempting to keep up the charade.

I cried myself to sleep nearly every night that first week home, staring at the picture of the two of us that he'd given me as we'd said goodbye after that first summer. I'd spent countless hours tracing my fingers over the words he'd written in gold marker across the top of the frame; _Bella and Edward, best friends forever_, trying to figure out if his lies started that far back or if they were more recent.

He'd looked so upset that day. We were both crying and when we'd hugged on the side of the road, in front of our families, I could've sworn his arms shook with the force of the embrace and the look of misery that showed on his face as he'd run to his mother for comfort, mirrored my own. I hadn't been faking any emotion. _Is it possible that he had faked his sadness or was it genuine at one time? _

I finally came to the conclusion that it didn't matter when the lies started. The fact remained that he thought I was a big, fat loser and payment was required in order to suffer through my company.

At first, I'd opened the messages from my cousin and Emmett. They both had asked why I'd left so suddenly and had expressed concern over how my departure had affected Edward. It was their concern for Edward that kept me from replying. It had made me sick to read that he was using my pain to garner sympathy from them.

His deception had no bounds.

My aunt was no better. As much as I adored her for always being the mother I wished I had, I became weary of her concern for the boy who willingly led me to believe he cared about me only to find out he'd been lying the whole time. When our conversations would turn to Edward and how confused and hurt he was over the way I left and my continued refusal to speak to him, I would shut down. It only took three stilted phone conversations before she understood I wouldn't discuss him. Soon, she stopped bringing him up.

They all did.

First it was Emmett, then Jasper and Aunt Janet. Finally around Christmas, Edward quit contacting me. I'd sent back the gift he'd sent as well as the one he sent for my birthday.

I had no interest in accepting any gift from him.

As far as I was concerned, Edward was out of my life.

To prove the point, the picture I'd counted as one of my most prized possessions, now resided in the darkest corner in my closet, wrapped in a horrible orange towel.

I should've thrown it away and watched it disintegrate into sharp, jagged shards of broken promises, just as his words had done to my heart. Instead, I chose to hide it, just as he'd hid his true self. I would use it as a reminder that a pretty face can hide the ugliest heart and to not be taken in by the nice words of a pretty boy.

As the school year progressed, the calls, texts and emails from Forks lessened until it was down to just calls from Aunt Janet at least once a month and from Charlie on my birthday and holidays. I guessed that Jasper and Emmett had realized I wasn't worth the trouble

A week after my return, another torturous school year started, as did the bullying. Corey and his band of brainless lemmings were still just as awful as always.

"Hey everyone, look, '_Bella Big Butt'_ is back in town. I thought I detected a shift in the tellaponic plate." Corey's assertion that my weight caused tremors in the Earth's crust when I walked wasn't new. The _new_ part was how I reacted.

"It's _tectonic_ not _tellaponic_, moron," I paused to give Corey a pointed look. "Your insults would make much more of an impact if you weren't so ignorant." My retort surprised both of us. Corey's shock was all the more perfect, since he was currently repeating his senior year, having failed nearly half of his classes last year.

The barley muffled chuckles of his _followers_ echoed in the bustling school hallway, causing an all too familiar blush of embarrassment to creep up Corey's face.

I guess I should have known my small victory wouldn't last long. Corey took a deep breath, his eyes narrowed. I knew he was about to fire off another insult.

I beat him to it.

"If you need tutoring, there's a sign-up sheet outside the guidance office." I tamped down my delight when he took a step back when I bumped his shoulder slightly as I pushed past him to my locker. Quiet comments like _'Way to go Swan'_ and _'it's about time somebody told him off'_ swirled around as the students moved throughout the hallway, leaving Corey standing alone.

Just as I'd stood all of those times in the past.

School had given me the distraction I'd needed. Throwing my energy into my schoolwork didn't make me forget what Edward had done, but spending time with Angela and her friends allowed me moments of happiness, and as the year went on, those moments became more numerous. Eventually, her friends became mine.

I hadn't become a social butterfly or anything. Not even close. But through Angela, I found a few people who appreciated me for me. Charlotte, Benjamin and Liam accepted me into their group and helped to lessen the emptiness in my life that losing Jasper, Emmett and Edward had created.

Calling them my friends and meaning it took nearly the entire school year, but in the end, their genuine friendship was what gave me the courage to keep standing up for myself against bullies like Corey and my mother.

Together, we'd gone to all of the school home football games (Corey was forced to watch from the bleachers as second year seniors were ineligible to play), I'd had them over to the house for movies (Phil was delighted to play host), and they'd talked me into attending the winter dance. We went to dinner and then had ridden in a limo to the venue where we sat together enjoying the music and each other's company.

My new friends had kept me so occupied, that the end of the school year snuck up on me. Before I knew it, school was over and for the first time in three years, I wasn't preparing to leave for Forks.

A fact that hadn't sat well with Renee.

"What do you mean you're not going back?"

I kept my voice calm against her shrill question. "I've decided to stay home."

"That's ridiculous! If you think that I'm going to cancel my summer travel plans simply because you've suddenly realized that Forks is the backwater, podunk town I've always known it was, you're sadly mistaken!"

I regarded Renee's words as I moved from the breakfast bar to rinse off my salad plate. Of course she would be more worried about how my staying home would affect her. She'd never asked what had caused my hasty return home. She never wondered why I'd sent back the gifts Edward had sent or refused to speak to him when he'd called.

No, not my mother. She only said something when her good time was impacted.

"Look, I'll stay home by myself. You won't have to cancel anything." I promised.

She pondered that explanation for a moment, before suddenly remembering she had a reputation to protect.

"That won't work. What would my friends say if I left my under aged daughter home alone all summer?"

"I'm seventeen. Or did you forget I had a birthday last September?" Actually, she had forgotten. Luckily, Angela hadn't. She and Charlotte showed up for my first slumber party. Complete with junk food and a pillow fight. My mother had celebrated my birth with a weekend trip to the Hidden Valley Spa with her friends.

"Don't get smart with me Isabella. I'm well aware of your age." She patted her head as if to blame me for the color touch-ups she endured every six weeks to hide the few gray hairs that dared to crop up on her perfectly coiffed blond head.

I defiantly folded my arms over my chest. "Well, I'm not going back to Forks."

Renee's eyes narrowed. "I could make you."

_Oh crap!_ She could make me. I wasn't an adult and Charlie still shared custody. If they both forced the issue, I would have no choice.

All of my momentary courage disappeared and I began to panic. "Mom, please. Please don't make me go back." My stomach twisted at the sight of her shrewd smirk. She had me and she knew it.

"Fine, I won't make you return to your father, if you agree to attend a summer camp."

She'd said _summer camp_, but we both knew she meant _fat camp_.

Instead of crafts, S'mores and songs around a campfire, I would be made to wear workout clothes and endure all manners of severe sweat inducing exercise in front of strangers, all while being made to feel as if I'd been exiled from polite society because I was fat.

She had me and she knew it.

With a defeated drop of my shoulders I uttered the words I never thought would leave me mouth. "Okay. I'll go to camp."

I would endure anything if it meant not having to return to the boy who had ripped my heart out for the fun of it. I couldn't return to face those girls who had known that it wasn't right for someone like Edward to be with someone like me and I'd never be able to stand up under the scrutiny of my aunt without spilling my secrets.

I wasn't ready to do that.

"Excellent. I'll begin making inquiries." The spring in her step as she walked away, made me want to vomit.

Beaten, I dragged myself upstairs and resisted the urge to throw myself out a window. Not even a woman as unfeeling as Renee would be so heartless to send a child with a broken leg to camp. _Right?_

Peering out my second story window out onto the hard stone driveway, I decided that the pain wouldn't be worth taking the chance on my mother having a heart.

It didn't take long for Renee find a place to stick me for the summer, in fact, for the first time in a very long time, she was putting her energy into something other than her appearance or social calendar. She'd come up to my room with brochures and websites to look up asking me what I thought about each camp. If it wasn't fat camps she was oohing and aahing over, I would've enjoyed the attention.

However, the allure of horseback riding, rock climbing and historic nineteenth-century ranch buildings that was causing Renee to grin like the Cheshire Cat, was alluding me.

She'd decided that two sessions was the best idea.

I would be gone for four weeks, returning home at the end of July, only a week before starting my senior year. At first, I was livid and ready to throw a fit over the length of camp; however this time, I had to keep my mouth shut as it was the only way to appease her and be allowed to stay away from Forks. Besides, Angela and everyone else were planning to do their school visits in the spring, so I would still be able to go with them before being shipped off to the unholy hell that was fat camp.

"Are you sure you won't be able to come for even a short visit?" I felt guilty telling my aunt that I wouldn't be coming up for the summer. She'd been happy about my decision to go on several college tours, though she'd mentioned several times that Jasper and the others would be doing the same thing and that I could go with them to see all that Seattle University and the University of Washington had to offer.

Despite feeling guilty for lying to her, I had to smile as she was unable to hide her enthusiasm for me attending college close to Forks.

Regardless of my best attempts at putting the best spin on where I was really spending my summer, I could hear the doubt in her voice when I told her that I'd decided to stay in Arizona and attend camp. I told her it was a creative writing camp, not wanting to admit that I was being sent off to forcibly lose weight, so I would be socially acceptable.

"I'm sorry, but it just won't work out this year." It took all I possessed to keep the wobble out of my voice.

"I'm going to miss you," she paused for a moment. "we're _all_ going to miss you." Despite the fact I knew she was referring to the _asshat_ that broke me when she stressed, _we're, _I was unable to keep the honest emotion out of my voice when I told her that I'd miss her too.

"Bella, I know it was more than a stomach virus that caused you to leave us. And if you want to discuss it, I'm here for you. Always."

I'd missed my aunt so much this last year. My pride had kept me from being honest with her and had denied myself her comfort, warmth, wisdom and love when I'd needed it the most. And yet I still couldn't bring myself to be truthful with her.

My phone call to Charlie was no less difficult than the one I had with his sister, though there were less actual words.

"So, I won't see you this summer?"

"Um, no. I'll be at camp pretty much the entire summer." I wanted to tell him that I would miss him and I was sorry that I'd left so abruptly without an explanation, but those words just wouldn't come out.

"Well, if that's what you've decided . . . then I guess all I can say, is I hope you have a good time."

He didn't say the words either, but his disappointment was evident.

For the first time since I started my quest to stay home to avoid Edward, I really felt the impact of my decision.

School ended and after two weeks of freedom, and a trip with my friends to Northern Arizona University, I began packing to begin my sentence at 'Camp Shane', aka, fat camp.

In preparation for my departure, Renee had purchased a new wardrobe for me in varying sizes. I laughed out loud at the size six and four pants and tops she'd bought, setting them aside, instead, packing the few articles that I concluded might be a more attainable size. She could hope all she wanted, but the odds of me losing enough weight to fit into a size even close to those, was laughable at best.

My departure for camp was made with little fanfare. Phil's season was in full swing, so our goodbye was quick. He'd tried to talk to my mother about not forcing me to go, but in the end she'd won.

I followed Phil out to the driveway where the car was waiting to take him and Renee to the airport.

"Bella, I want you to know that I'm not a fan of this camp thing." I nodded and handed him his team duffle. He took the bag from me, throwing it into the open trunk.

"I've always felt your mother's constant need to change you was wrong," he turned and put a comforting arm around my shoulders. "You don't need to change anything about yourself just to suit someone else. You know that right?"

I wasn't able to answer him before my mother came out of the house. "Hurry up, Phil, we don't want to miss our plane." Renee ordered as the driver quickly stowed the rest of her extensive luggage into the trunk.

Phil sighed, shaking his head slightly at her outburst before leaning down to give me a tight hug. "Try to enjoy your summer and know that I love you just as you are." He gave me a quick kiss on my temple before joining my mother at the car.

I watched Phil get into the car and prepared myself for Renee's parting words. She handed Phil her purse and turned to face me. "Bella, your car will be here precisely at nine tomorrow morning, I expect you to be ready," I rolled my eyes at her ridiculous assertion that I would be late. I've never made anyone wait on me my entire life. She walked closer to me so Phil wouldn't hear her words. "I expect to see a major improvement in your appearance and your attitude when I return in August," I glared insolently at her, promising neither of those things. "I don't know what has gotten into you this year, but I don't like it and it had better change." With that, she got into the car. I watched the black limo disappear before returning to my packing in the house.

I would attend this camp to appease her, and I would spend my summer engaging in physical activity with strangers in the hope that my body would become less of an embarrassment to my mother, but I would be damned if I went back to being the push-over that people like Corey and my mother bullied.

* * *

><p>AN:

So, what do we think? Did Bella react the way you'd think she would? How do you think she'll react to Renee's demand that her attitude and appearance change by the end of summer?

That's it for now. I'm off to watch the trailer for The Rover another 50 or 60 times. I'm soooo excited for that movie!

Hugs and kisses,

ruinedbyrob


	19. Chapter 19

**I know, I know. Hell must have frozen over. But I assure you that this is a real update. And I'm sorry that it took me so long to get it out. (twss) Sorry. I couldn't help myself.**

**My wonderful Beta is Mullet86. She was in the middle of moving, yet still took the time to correct my mistakes. She's no longer a Georgia Peach, but she'll always be the wind beneath my wings. **

**SM owns all things Twilight. But I own...never-mind. She'll always win.**

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 19**

"And the award for best attitude, for this session is, well, it looks as if this camper will have to make some more room on her awards shelf, Bella Swan." Thankfully, the darkness hid my blush as I got up from my perch on a fire pit log to accept the award.

"Um, thank you." I half smiled, half grimaced and took the small, glass, S shaped award. Thankfully the applause ended quickly as Counselor John moved on to the next camp award.

"Hey, how does it feel to be a two-time winner?" Tara my bunkmate asked. Like me, she was attending two sessions at Camp Shane. We hit it off the first day and were lucky enough to be assigned to the same cabin for the whole time.

Angela and Carmen were my friends, but in Tara, I'd found a kindred spirit. Like me, she had been bullied and made fun of in school. However, unlike me, Tara had chosen to come to camp. In fact, her parents had tried to get her to come home after the first session. But she'd stayed on. She wasn't using camp as an excuse to hide out from a best friend who'd stabbed her in the back. Tara was legitimately trying to lose weight.

Tara's father was morbidly obese and had suffered from complications from diabetes. In an attempt to not suffer the same fate, she worked very hard to change the relationship she had with food. Her attitude and dedication made me work harder to live a healthier life.

It turns out that camp wasn't as horrible as I'd thought it would be. Granted, I was forced to participate in group physical activities that had me sweating profusely. And I had to sit through daily affirmation classes, where counselors' Todd and Mindy, made us look into hand mirrors while repeating to ourselves how special, important, and beautiful we all were. The class was bogus. We all knew it. I suspected that even Todd and Mindy, dressed in their matching khaki shorts, green polo and shiny white sneakers, knew it too. Yet, we all showed up every morning after our daily hike and calisthenics to give ourselves the _Stuart Smalley _treatment_._

Afterwards, we'd have a light lunch of turkey burgers, sans bun, and raw veggies before heading off for swimming, canoeing, volleyball or rock climbing. I avoided the swimming and canoeing for the first couple of weeks, but then realized that everyone was just as self-conscious and out of shape as I was, so I soon let that all go and thoroughly enjoyed the pool and other water sports. But the best part of my day was the daily nutrition and cooking classes. Aunt Janet had started me on the road of healthy cooking, but camp took it to a whole new level. Camp Shane taught me how to figure out how much protein, fats and carbohydrates were appropriate for me to eat in a day. I learned how to cook balanced and filling meals while still hitting my macro goals for the day.

Camp Shane didn't allow the campers to have their phones or access to the internet for email or Facebook status updates. However, I'd received weekly letters from my aunt and several postcards from my friends including a couple quick notes from Charlie. Renee remained true to herself and chose to only communicate with the camp directors. She'd requested weekly updates on my weight loss and had expressed concern, i.e., unhappiness that I was not losing enough weight. She'd insisted that the camp cut my calories and increase my exercise. Luckily, the camp advisors decided that my overall health was much more important than the unrealistic demands of my mother.

By the end of camp, I'd managed to lose twenty pounds, over seven inches off of my waist and four inches off my thighs. With the weight I'd lost last year, I was down thirty-five pounds.

As predicted, the size six and four clothes my mother had purchased would remain untouched in my closet.

However, I was very proud that I was now wearing a size 16 jean and a 12 top and my weight had stabilized to one hundred and sixty-five pounds.

I was ecstatic.

Renee was not.

She would have to learn to live with disappointment.

"So, you have my email and phone number right?" Tara asked as we finished our packing.

I nodded and held up my recently re-acquired phone. "Got it right here."

"Good, I'm going to expect updates and sexy selfies." She pointed her finger in my direction.

"Don't hold your breath." I warned her, rolling my eyes.

Tara laughed and continued packing her brightly colored clothing. Unlike me, Tara wasn't afraid to draw attention to herself.

"Don't even try to tell me that you won't be showing off your new rocking bod!" Had I mentioned that Tara wore glasses? Big, thick ones.

I was about to remind Tara that she needed to get her prescription updated, when counselor Kelly walked into the cabin.

"Ladies, we need you to hustle up. Your parents are pulling in now," her voice softened when her eyes landed on me. "Bella, the car service is here for you." I nodded quickly at the reminder that no one was coming for me and continued stuffing my clothes into my suitcase.

My suitcase shifted as Tara plopped down onto my cot. "I wish I lived closer so you could come home with us. I hate that you're going home to an empty house." I smiled at my friend. Tara's family had flown all the way from Wisconsin to pick her up, yet my mother couldn't be bothered to drive a couple hours to get me or cut her current vacation in New York short to be home when I returned. It was difficult for Tara to understand, but I was used to being an afterthought in Renee's life.

I zipped up my suitcase and sat down next her on the cot. "It's okay. This way, I get a nice quiet car ride to gather my thoughts before dealing with Renee's disappointment."

Tara frowned at the reminder of my mother's displeasure at my weight loss. "I don't know what her damn problem is, you look amazing!"

"I guess it's not enough." I shrugged, knowing that it would never be enough. But I'd made peace with that fact and thanks to my time here at camp, I'd come to the realization that how I felt about myself was a hell of a lot more important than what Renee or anyone else thought, especially bronze-haired boys who lied and enjoyed hanging out with mean, shiny-haired girls.

"Your mom sucks."

"You're not wrong." We both chuckled at my quick agreement.

Tara sighed and leaned into my side, putting her head on my shoulder. I was new to the whole having a touchy-feely friend, but I was learning to adjust.

"You know who else sucks?"

"Who?"

"That stupid boy." My shoulders sagged for a moment at the mention of Edward. At the beginning of our second session, in that low after a sugar induced euphoria, brought on by a rare treat of frozen yogurt, I'd spilled the whole sordid story to Tara. She'd been dutifully horrified at what he'd done and had immediately begun plotting my revenge. Her suggestion that I spread the rumor that he was a thumb sucking, bed wetter was intriguing, but wasn't really feasible unless I was there in Forks to keep the rumors alive.

And that was not going to happen.

Even though he'd hurt me to the point where I'd run from the only home I had, I found that every once in a while my mind would betray me, and I'd remember the good times we'd had. The days playing Star Wars Monopoly while plotting to over throw Jasper and Emmett's claim on the tree house made me smile. As did the bike rides to the park, sans stupid girls and the silly moments where we'd sit on my aunt's back porch discussing the benefits of choosing to be a mercenary/hero like Deadpool over having to be the hero all of the time like Superman.

It was those brief moments, those quick flashes of a time where I believed the lies he told, that made me miss him and the friendship I thought we'd had.

"I still don't understand why you won't exact a little of revenge." Tara added, poking me in the side.

"Ouch! Stop." I squealed. Tara giggled, but removed her finger from the now smaller, yet still fleshy portion of my hip. "I think the best form of revenge is to move on, forget that he meant anything to me."

"Okaaaaay, and how is that working out for you?"

"It's working." I shrugged, non-committedly.

"Uh huh." I ignored her knowing look and continued staring at the toe of my shoe.

Tara let out a not very covert sigh of frustration. "I won't say anything else. I just wish for once you'd do things for yourself and told everyone else to kiss your skinny ass."

"Thanks." She nodded and stood up from the bed and grabbed her suitcase.

I knew our time had come to an end. Silently, we gathered the last of our things and walked out of cabin number twenty-three.

The camp was usually abuzz with activity, but our normal routine was nothing like the maze of duffle bags, suitcases and pillows left to sit in the hot Arizona sun, all but forgotten as the campers rushed around saying good bye to friends made over the summer.

I dragged my purple duffles behind me as I followed Tara to where her parents were waiting.

"There's Bella" Mrs. Kline exclaimed, pulling me into a tight bear hug. "She's going to miss you so much." She whispered as I willed the tears to not spill.

"Mom, we're going to keep in touch." Tara exclaimed, and extracted me from her mother's octopus like grip.

"I'll just let you girls say your goodbyes." Mrs. Kline sniffed and went to stand next to her husband at their rented car.

"Your dad looks better."

"Yeah. My weight lost has inspired him. He lost fifteen pounds this summer. All on his own." Tara announced, proudly.

We stood silently, not wanting to say the words we knew were expected.

Finally, Mr. Kline cleared his throat and tapped his watch, reminding us they had a plane to catch.

"Well, I guess I should go and find my ride, if he's anything like the last driver Renee sent, if I'm late, he might leave me." I winced, recalling the cute but mean driver that had picked me up at the airport two years ago upon my return from Forks.

Tara hugged much like her mom. "Promise you'll keep in touch." I nodded. "Promise you'll stop allowing jerks to make you feel badly about yourself." Another nod. "And promise me that you won't let what's his name cause you another moments grief."

I gently pulled away from her and looked her in the eyes, "I promise."

I didn't even bother to hide the tears as I watched their rental van leave the camp. It felt as if I was forever losing people and I could no longer deny how much it hurt to watch them go.

"Bella," I turned at the sound of Counselor Kelly's voice.

"Your car is right over here." She pointed to the east camp entrance where a white town car was parked. I nodded and started to gather my things. Together we walked the fifty feet to the car.

"I've really enjoyed having you with us this summer. You've worked very hard, you should be very proud of yourself."

"Thank you." I answered sincerely. I was trying to work on accepting compliments as part of my affirmation exercises.

As we neared the car, the driver stepped out. I stopped in my tracks and decided that God must truly hate me as I recognized the driver was none other than the same jerk who had belittled and ignored me the last time Renee was too busy to be bothered with me.

Knowing from experience that I'd get no help with my things from him, I began dragging my luggage to the trunk.

I rolled my eyes, ignoring Kelly's gasp as he opened the door and stepped out into the full light.

Finished loading, I closed the trunk to see Kelly laughing at something _doucheboy_ had said. It took everything in me not to gag as he unashamedly flirted with Kelly.

"Shouldn't we be leaving?" I smirked at the glare _blondboy_ shot me.

"Um, I guess I should let you get going. Have a safe trip Bella. Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything." She addressed me with her words, but her eyes were directed at him. _Ugh!_

"Good bye, Kelly." She nodded absently as I grabbed my last bag and climbed into the car. I shut the door firmly, ignoring the last bit of flirting going on.

Once the touching and furtive looks were done, _Asshat, _climbed into the front seat and started up the car.

His eyes met mine in the rearview mirror. "So, fat camp. How much did you lose?"

I looked him right into his pretty blue eyes and silently raised the privacy glass.

_Seriously? _ As I if I would ever speak to him about something so personal.

Or anything at all.

As I was alone in the house, I wasn't worried about having to unpack, so I left my bags at the bottom of the stairs and climbed the stairs to my room for a small nap. I would deal with my baggage on my own time.

"Isabella, what's the meaning of this?!" My eyes shot open at my mother's shrill voice.

Jumping off my bed I stumbled out of my room and headed towards my mother.

Renee was standing with her arms crossed across her chest in a fairly aggressive stance, while tapping the overly pointed toe of her expensive shoes at the base of my luggage pile.

"I don't appreciate you leaving your stuff thrown haphazardly on my imported Italian marble."

_Hello to you too mom._

Not wanting to start a fight, I hustled over to the pile and began gathering my things and took them into the laundry room. I got the detergent and fabric softener out and started sorting through three months of dirty clothes. I could hear Renee's Italian shoes clicking and tapping on her Italian marble as she wandered around the kitchen.

I tried to keep her obvious dismissal of my weight loss from hurting me as I started the first load of laundry.

With my luggage now empty, I started trekking them upstairs to put away. Heaven forbid they spend one more minute on my mother's imported floor.

"No, book both seats. The last thing I want to deal with is a grandma from Miami bragging about her honor student grandchild for the whole trip."

Home five minutes and she was already planning her next trip.

I started back up the stairs intending to stow my luggage and give Angela a call. I couldn't wait to see her.

"I'll also need you to make arrangements for the house," she snapped her fingers at me while still speaking on the phone. I stopped in my tracks and turned back towards her. "No. Don't cancel the gardener. Do you think the grass will stop growing just because I'm not here to watch it?"

"Don't bother putting your luggage away. You're going to need it." Renee ordered.

_I would? I was going to be included on this trip?_

"No, it's just Isabella. Go ahead and make the arrangements as we discussed. Email me tonight with the itineraries." Without even a goodbye or a thank you, she hung up.

I stood silently on the landing as her sharp eyes appraised my form.

I tried not to fidget under her gaze. It would only cause more sharp words.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and began to move from foot to foot under her scrutiny.

"Do stop that incessant dancing Isabella." She ordered.

"Where are we going?"

"_We_ aren't going anywhere." Her clarification only confused me more.

"But you said to not put away my bags and I heard you buy two tickets."

"I should rephrase. We're both leaving, just not together."

_Huh? _

"Come here and let me get a better look at you." Her long manicured fingers beckoned me closer.

I set down my luggage, took a deep breath and walked down the three steps to reach her.

_Show time._

As she scrutinized my appearance, I remembered what I'd learned at camp. Regardless of what she said or didn't say, as long as I accepted myself, I could let her words and disapproving looks wash over me like a cool breeze.

The ticking of the clock above the shiny sink was loud, yet soothing as I stood under her inspection.

I began counting the ticks and tocks. _One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi, six Mississippi. . . _

"Well, I would have liked to say I'm completely satisfied with the results, but I guess at this point anything is an improvement."

There it was. Not enough but better than nothing.

Surprisingly, her dismissal of my weight loss didn't hurt as much as I'd anticipated.

"I hope you plan to continue what they taught you. You have a year before college to get your act together and try to do things right this time."

Okay, quiet time was done. I opened my mouth to tell her I was pleased with what I'd accomplished at camp, and she could kiss my slightly smaller butt, when she spoke first.

"The house sitters will be here tomorrow to go over the house instructions. You need to pack anything you'll need to take with you and get them marked for shipping. I would suggest you pack enough clothes for three seasons." _House sitters?_ _Seasons? Where the hell were we going and how long would we be gone?_

"Where are we going?" Fear enveloped me, were we moving? Was I going to miss my senior year with my friends?

"Well, Phil has been invited to spend the off season as an instructor at the Major League Baseball Academy. We're leaving as soon as his regular reason is over."

"We're going to Europe?"

"Italy, to be precise. It's a wonderful opportunity for him. He won't last forever as a player, a coach's career has a lot more longevity. This break will go a long way in laying the ground work for our future."

_Italy? I was moving to Italy?_

"The shopping, fashion, vineyards . . . It will be like a second honeymoon for us." Renee's face lit up with excitement.

"But mom, I don't have a passport and I don't speak a word of Italian."

A deep ache began in the pit of my stomach and gained momentum as it moved up my internal organs to become a burning in my throat as Renee's elated smile turned into a smirk. "Oh, Bella, none of that matters. You're not going with us to Italy."

I swallowed deeply around the fire in my throat. "If I'm not going to Italy, then where am I going?"

"You're going back to Forks."

* * *

><p><strong>Rut roh Shaggy, we're headed back to Forks. That can't be good. Or can it? <strong>

**Okay, let me have it! **

**Thank you for reading!**

**ruinedbyrob**

**Btw, was CannesRob2014 freaking awesome or what?!**

Btw, was CannesRob 2014 freaking awesome or what?!


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** Hi, everyone. Sorry it's been awhile since I was here last. Things be crazy up in my life! But they're beginning to quiet down. (Thank God for summer camps!) I'd like to promise you all I'll be able to update weekly, but I can't lie to you. I honestly don't know how soon I can get the next chapter out. If my slow updating schedule causes some of you to quit reading, I'll understand.

To those of you who write reviews and leave me encouragement, THANK YOU! You guys are the reason I keep writing.

My beta is the beautiful and talented Mullet86. She's been really busy moving and still helps pretty my stuff up!

**Disclaimer:** SM owns the originals. But I'm quite fond of my facsimiles.

**Reflections**

**Chapter 20**

**Back to Forks**

**Story recap**- _After overhearing Edward's cruel words the night they were to attend the End of Summer Ball, together. Bella runs from Forks. She spends her junior year making new friends, standing up for herself, developing a healthy lifestyle and cutting all ties with her life in Forks. _

_A job opportunity in Italy for Phil, forces Bella back to Forks and to the very person she ran from. _

_Story note: The entire gang is starting their senior year of high school._

* * *

><p>"This is your captain speaking, we're beginning our final descent into Port Angeles International Airport, please buckle your seatbelts and return your seats to the upright position. The temperature on the tarmac is a balmy sixty-seven degrees. Thank you for flying Kenmore Air."<p>

I sighed heavily at the pilot's announcement. Once the single-engine Cessna Caravan came to a stop, I was only a short one hour and fifteen minute drive from revisiting the place where I'd experienced both the happiest and worst moments of my life.

As far as I was concerned, the pilot may as well have been giving the weather report for hell.

Normally, I would be bouncing in my seat at sight of the visible changes in color of the ground as the plane winged its way farther from the dry browns and tans of Phoenix to the lush greens of Washington.

However, this time my heart grew heavier with every glimpse of the color change that marked my return to Forks and Edward.

I pushed down the temptation to cry over lost friendships and misplaced trust and made my way off the single-engine plane.

My luggage was the first to come out of the chute and Charlie was inside the terminal waiting for me, wearing a pair of jeans and a fairly new looking plaid. By all accounts, this trip was beginning better than any of my trips home. However, the fact that I was back in Washington and on my way to Forks, was enough to keep the frown I'd worn since getting on the plane over four hours ago, firmly affixed to my face.

"Bella!" The clean scent of pine assaulted my senses as he pulled me into a quick hug.

"Hi." I managed a half smile. I wasn't happy about being here, but not unhappy to see him.

"Is this everything?" I counted the bags and nodded, following him out of the terminal towing a duffle bag behind me as we made our way to the parking area.

As soon as the doors to the terminal opened, I was assaulted by a cold blast of Chinook wind. _A balmy sixty-eight degrees?_ The pilot's weather announcement was another lie to add to the others I'd been told during my time in Forks.

Pulling my coat tighter around me, I trudged behind Charlie to the parking lot.

Charlie stopped abruptly at the back of a small two seat truck. "What do you think?" He asked, motioning towards the small truck with a flourish of excited arm movements.

"What?" I quickly scanned the small parking lot for the cruiser.

"The truck, Bella. It's mine. What do you think?" He grabbed my bags and proceeded to put them in the bed of the faded blue truck.

"Um, it's great." I threw in a quick smile for good measure.

"Well, I figured with you staying here for longer than just a couple of months, we needed a second car. If you play your cards right, I just might let you drive." His smile was so big and genuine; I hated to remind him that I didn't have a driver's license. So I just smiled and nodded.

The interior of the truck was just as faded as the outside, but the seats were comfortable and clean and it had what looked like a decent radio. Maybe learning to drive in this thing wouldn't be so bad?

"She sticks a little in third gear, but I think you'll get used to it pretty quickly."

_A stick shift? He expected me to learn on a stick shift? _

"Charlie, I don't know how to drive."

"What? How do you get around in Phoenix?"

"Usually we use a car service." I shrugged.

"That figures" he snorted. "Well, I guess I'll have to teach you. I don't know when I'll find the time. But we'll figure it out." Without another word, he started up the truck and we left the airport grounds.

I tucked the prospect of driving lessons with Charlie away for another day and focused on the passing scenery.

We traveled the road to Forks in a comfortable silence. Both of us lost in our thoughts. This was one of the nice things about Charlie. Unlike Renee, he could be at peace in his own head. If Renee wasn't complaining about my weight or wardrobe choices, she was constantly calling or texting a friend, making plans for a lunch or getting caught up on the latest gossip.

We were about forty-five minutes into our drive when Charlie woke me out of my stupor. "I didn't think about food. Are you hungry? We could stop off at the diner. "

"I'm really not all that hungry. I could make us something." I offered.

"Um, well, I haven't had a chance to make a grocery run in awhile."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Just once I'd like to have either of my parents be prepared for my arrival.

"Are you sure you don't want to have dinner at your aunt's house?"

"I'm sure." Aunt Janet knew I was coming back. She'd already contacted me about staying with her. It had been difficult to not run straight into her loving arms the minute my plane landed, but staying at her house brought back so many memories I wasn't quite ready to take on. Staying with Charlie would allow me extra time to bolster my courage before having to confront my bronze haired demon when school started on Monday.

"The diner is fine." _There had to be a salad on the menu somewhere between the steak and cobbler. Right? _

"Great! I've had a craving for their blueberry cobbler all week." Charlie exclaimed, patting his stomach and turning off the 101 into Forks.

I held my breath when the Welcome to Forks sign came into view.

_I was really here. _

With my grilled chicken salad sitting heavily in my stomach, I followed Charlie's lumbering form up the narrow staircase to my room.

"Do you remember where everything is?"

"Yeah." There really wasn't much chance I'd get lost in the small two bedroom home, but it was nice he'd asked.

"I guess I'll leave you to your unpacking. I'll, um, leave money and a list on the table for your shopping trip tomorrow."

"Okay." I guessed that the fact he was leaving a list meant he wasn't going to be going with me. I hoped my wagon was still in the shed.

As I was contemplating the logistics of getting all of the things we would need back to the house, Charlie stopped halfway in the doorway and turned back towards me.

"Bella, I don't know what happened to make you leave and stay away this last year. Whatever it was had to be pretty bad to cause you to run like that," he paused to rub a hand roughly across his moustache. "You know, if you want to talk or something- I know we don't have a real close relationship and as much as I'd like to lay all of the blame at your mother's feet… I, I guess as time went by and you got older, it was harder for me to relate to the young woman you've become. I know that I could have done more. And I'm sorry I didn't."

I wanted to throw my arms around him and sob out the whole story. But more than anything I wanted to thank him for caring.

"You know your Aunt Janet is always there for you and I'm grateful to her for that, but I, um, I want you to know that you can always come to me too. I don't know how much help I'll be with, you know, _girl issues. _But I can at least listen."

My eyes misted up at his sincerity. "Thanks, dad." Charlie gave me a small smile before walking out of the room.

Exhausted from the trip, both mentally and physically, I decided to forego the unpacking until tomorrow after my grocery run. . After getting cleaned up in the small bathroom and changing into my PJs, I climbed into the twin bed, noting that from the musty smell of the sheets and blankets, laundry would need to be a priority as well as stocking the fridge.

The meager light of the morning sun poked its way into my room, gently prodding me to get up. In Phoenix, the gentle poke would've been more like a knife slice through my eyelids.

I preferred the Forks method.

With my list in hand and my little red wagon in tow, I made my way towards Lake Pleasant grocery. I'd left most of my unpacking, but had the foresight to dig out my iPod and a water resistant jacket. Both were life savers as I'd underestimated the length of the walk to the store and in true Forks fashion, a light mist had begun falling.

"Hon, that'll be one hundred, thirty-three dollars and fifty-seven cents." I handed over the two crisp one-hundred dollar bills to Darlene. "Here's your change." I took the change, shoving it deep into my pocket. "Derek, will help you out to your car."

I watched the freckle faced Derek finish bagging my things. "Um, thanks but I decided to walk." I pointed towards my wagon parked right outside the front doors.

"No worries. I'd be happy to take them out for you." I led him out to the wagon watching as he expertly packed my six bags into the wagon.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" I shook my head and returned Derek's smile. I bent over to pick up the handle and was shocked to find a slight blush to Derek's face as he raised his eyes from my butt.

I felt a warmth rise on my face when I realized what he'd been doing.

_Did a boy just check out my butt?! _

"Um, I, um, I didn't get your name." He stammered slightly as he tried to cover his ogling.

"I'm Bella." I felt my own cheeks heat up.

"Did you just move here?"

"I guess you could call it that." I couldn't tell him that I was here in Forks under duress

"So, I'll see you at school on Monday?"

"Yeah, I'll be a senior."

His face fell slightly at my admission. "Oh, I'm only going to be a junior."

"So?"

"Well I don't know a lot of seniors. They tend to stick to their own class."

_Great. I'd hoped that Forks would be different from my school in Phoenix. _

Without even thinking, I reached out and touched his arm. "Hey, I don't know _any_ juniors and now you know _one_ more senior."

His face brightened and he smiled. "Thanks Bella."

"You're welcome. I kind of need to get going before the rain starts again." I pointed to my grocery laden wagon.

"Oh, yeah, sure. Um, I guess I'll see you Monday?"

"Definitely. Don't be surprised if I seek you out for directions."

"I'll be happy to be your guide."

"Okay. See you then." I waved and started on my way back to Charlie's.

Thankfully the heavy rain remained at bay as I made my way home. I put the groceries away, setting out several chicken breasts to thaw out on the counter. I was planning to bake the chicken with steamed vegetables and mushrooms. I planned to keep up the healthy diet I'd begun at camp and figured it wouldn't hurt Charlie to eat a little healthier in between the _Blue Plate_ specials at the diner and weekend fish fries at Harry's house.

I left dinner thawing on the counter and began stripping the beds and gathering towels and rugs to fill up the washer.

Time flew by while I'd unpacked and had set the house back to rights. Working had also kept my mind off what was coming Monday. Starting a new school was daunting enough, but knowing that I would be in the same school as _him_, possibly sitting in the same classrooms- was causing my anxiety level to go through the roof. Not to mention the fact that in addition to facing Edward, I'd also have to face Jasper and Emmett.

I had no idea what I was going to say to them. I would of course ignore Edward, but ignoring my cousin and that giant bear boy would be impossible.

The third load of laundry was in the washer when Charlie arrived home.

"What's that awesome smell?"

"Dinner," I stated simply and pulled out the baking dish full of chicken and veggies, setting it on the table next to the bowl of fresh salad. "Grab a plate and dig in." I invited.

Charlie had a funny look on his face as he ladled a healthy portion onto his plate. "What do we have here?"

"Baked chicken and mixed vegetables." I watched expectantly as he took the first bite. No one had eaten my cooking since Phil, last Thanksgiving. I'd really missed watching other people enjoy my cooking.

"Is there a sauce?" I shook my head at his question and began eating. Charlie took another tentative bite.

"What do you think?"

"It's good. Maybe think about a sauce or rolls next time." I held in a laugh as Charlie took another helping of everything.

After the dishes were done and the laundry was folded and put away, I slipped into my fresh sheets exhausted from the day's exertions and fell asleep almost instantly.

Thanks to Charlie's general sloppiness and all around reluctance to do any housework, I was able to keep myself fairly busy with cleaning the entire next day. In Phoenix, we had a day maid, a grounds keeper and a service that washed the cars. I was never given household chores. But thanks to Aunt Janet, I'd learned how to handle the simple things that kept a household in fairly decent order.

"Are you all set for school tomorrow?" Charlie asked in between bites of grilled cod and asparagus.

I nodded and pushed around the food on my plate. My appetite waned as Monday morning loomed closer.

"It's good that you'll already have a few friends there."

I nodded absently.

Charlie lifted a forkful of fish, giving it a serious look. "So, given anymore thought to my sauce suggestion?"

I chuckled lightly at his persistence. I got up to take my nearly full plate to the sink. "Isn't the fish good?"

"Well, yeah, it tastes great but a nice butter sauce…"

"A sauce adds unnecessary calories and hides the delicate taste of the fish." I finished scraping my plate into the garbage.

I ignored Charlie's grumbling behind me and started filling the sink to do the dishes.

"So, Jasper will be by about seven-thirty." I dropped the sponge into the warm, soapy water.

"What? Why?" I sputtered.

"I just told you. Until we get your license sorted, he'll be driving you to school."

What little I'd eaten was threatening to reappear. "Why can't you take me?"

"Um, because I have to be at the station by six-thirty every morning in order to be home at night. What's the problem? Your cousin is an excellent driver."

I'm sure he was. Or else my aunt wouldn't allow him anywhere near the driver's seat of a moving vehicle. His skill level wasn't the problem. The way I'd left things between us was the problem. My stomach rolled at the thought of being in an enclosed space with my cousin.

"I just don't want to be a bother to him." Not exactly a lie.

Charlie chuckled, standing up from the table to bring me his nearly spotless plate.

"Your aunt is beside herself with happiness that you're back in town. After I told her you didn't have your license, she made Jasper acting as your chauffer a condition for allowing him to use his car during the week. He should be grateful as heck that you need a ride to school. Besides, as soon as you pass the Driver's Ed course this semester, you'll be driving yourself. Thank you for dinner." He ruffled my hair playfully before grabbing a beer and heading for the living room.

I heard the lineup for the Mariner's waft through the hallway as he settled in for the game.

I wasn't thrilled when he'd suggested I take Driver's Ed this semester. He'd decided that it was the best solution, citing that it would take him twice as long to teach me with his current schedule. But now, knowing that I was dependent on my cousin for rides, I was determined to get through that class as fast as possible. I would be the best first time driver in Forks High history.

After laying my clothes out for the morning, a new pair of jeans and dark green henley with three-quarter sleeves, I crawled into my still fresh sheets and willed myself to sleep. I knew that I'd need all of my wits about me for tomorrow.

I forced myself to eat a piece of toast and a banana while I waited for Jasper to arrive. My nerves hadn't allowed me to sleep past five-thirty this morning, allowing me plenty of time to work up a raging case of anxiety.

Charlie had laughed out loud when he'd come downstairs at six-fifteen to find me already dressed and waiting at the small kitchen table. He thought I was excited about starting the new school.

He was one-hundred percent wrong.

At seven-thirty on the dot, a small, blue SUV pulled into the driveway.

There was no honking and he didn't come up to the door.

He just sat there in the driveway staring at the house.

Knowing that I would be unable to put off the inevitable for any longer, I grabbed my back pack and headed out to the car.

Jasper never said a word as I opened the car door and climbed inside.

As soon as I clicked my seatbelt, Jasper put the car in gear and pulled out of the driveway.

We rode in silence for several minutes. I wasn't sure how long it would take us to get to school and as horrible as I knew it was going to be, I didn't want to start every day in a silent car next to a family member that probably hated me.

Even if I kinda, sorta deserved it.

"Thank you for driving me to school." I tried to sound cheerful.

"Sure." He responded flatly, never taking his eyes off the road.

"With any luck, I'll have my license by the end of the semester. So hopefully you won't have to do it for long."

"Uh, huh."

"Yep, soon I'll be cruising the mean streets of Forks in a faded blue mini-truck with equally faded plaid seat covers."

"Uh, huh."

"Jasper, I want to…"

"We're here." Jasper interrupted my lame attempt at an apology.

I looked out onto the parking lot of Forks high school. Geez, it was so small. The whole two story building could have fit into the gym of my old school.

There were twenty to thirty students milling around the small parking lot. All dressed in jeans, long sleeved shirts and various other layers. Forks' style was a far cry from the tank tops, mini-skirts and shorts I was used to seeing.

I wondered what my friends in Phoenix would think about the clothing choices of the Forks students.

I quickly took inventory of my attire. Surprisingly I'd dressed appropriately for the occasion. Renee would be so…

"That was a shitty thing you did to us." Jasper interrupted my musing.

I turned towards Jasper, "Jasper, I'm so…"

"Save it," He said exasperated. "You owe me…_all_ of us an apology. But there isn't time for that now." He opened the door and got out of the car. I grabbed my bag and followed him.

I quickly caught up with him. "You'll have to check in at the office." He pointed to what I assumed was the main entrance to the school, his pace didn't slow a bit nor did he look at me as he spoke.

"The lunch room is over there, but we eat out here in the quad when the sun shines." I nodded at his directions. Part of me grateful for the help, the other part just happy he was speaking to me.

I followed him through the metal double doors and entered Forks high.

Jasper melded easily into the crowd of milling students. I followed him to a row of lockers about halfway into the building. He stopped in front of a bright green locker and quickly accessed the lock. I stood next to him, watching as he emptied his back pack into the locker.

He slammed the locker door. "Go down the hall and turn left. The office is on the right side."

"Jasper, I…" I wasn't sure what I was going to say, but felt I needed to try again.

"Just stop. Go get your schedule; I'll save you a place at lunch." For the first time since I got into his car, he looked at me. "You can start your explanations then."

I didn't have a chance to say anything else before he turned and walked away.

Resigned to my fate, I trudged towards the office.

In Phoenix, I didn't have to try very hard to be invisible. Here in Forks, it was a different story. There were only eight people in my calculus class, ten in my English and only twelve in history. There was no chance of hiding in classes this small.

I'd done the required introductions in each class. And had endured the stares and whispering that went hand in hand with being not only the new girl, but being a BIG girl. Yet, I still counted my morning fairly lucky; I'd made it through my morning classes with no Edward sightings.

I dragged my feet as I entered the lunch room. Unlike Phoenix, where we ate in shifts, here in Forks, it appeared that the entire student body ate lunch at the same time.

I hoped that my luck held out through lunch.

My knuckles were white as I gripped my tray and scanned the room for a quiet little corner to hide in. I'd briefly thought about resuming my normal lunch routine of eating outside, but the dark skies and light mist hitting the school windows had quickly changed my mind.

I'd just begun heading for a nice, empty corner behind what looked to be a soda machine when I felt two arms grip me at the waist.

"Stumble B!" My balance was never great, but balancing a lunch tray with a full back pack, while being grabbed from behind by a giant bear boy, put every bit of natural grace I had to the test.

"Emmett!" I exclaimed as my grip on the tray began to slip.

"Ooops! I got it." He gracefully righted my tray, while still behind me.

With my precarious balance restored, I turned to greet the boy I'd shamefully pushed out of my life.

My mouth gaped as I looked at him. He was always big, but now he was huge.

"Like what you see, B?" He chuckled, and waggled his eyebrows at me.

I had to laugh. Emmett was never good at the eyebrow thing. He always looked as if he was having a small stroke.

"Be careful, my Rosie won't hesitate to cut a-bitch if she senses another female trying to get a piece of her man."

"Um, she has nothing to worry about I promise." I smiled.

"You say that now, but I haven't unleashed the full power of the Cullen charm yet." He boasted, grabbing my back pack and motioning me to follow him across the lunch room.

I blanched slightly at his mention of the Cullen charm. I knew firsthand how devastating that particular trait really was.

I kept my eyes firmly affixed to Emmett's broad back, aware that I was being watched by the other students and not wanting to chance an Edward sighting.

"Look who I found. She was about to dump her entire tray on her new shoes, but I swooped in and saved the day." He sat my tray on the table and sat down next to the gorgeous Rose, slinging his arm around her shoulders and giving her an affectionate squeeze.

I took the seat next to him and looked around the table. In addition to Rose, I saw Jasper and Alice. I felt another twinge of shame as I realized my cousin and Emmett had grown up relationships and I was too caught up in my own world to take the time to notice.

"Geez, Em. The whole school saw you grab her and nearly dump her tray." Rose lightly slapped his arm.

"Baby, I love it when you get rough." Emmett grinned.

Rose rolled her eyes, before returning his grin.

"Ignore those two, they have no sense of propriety." Alice gave Em and Rose a stern look, which was ignored fully by both of them. "How is your day going so far?"

I swallowed thickly before answering. "Um, okay?"

My cousin's intense glare was making me uncomfortable, in spite of his girlfriend's obvious attempts at doing the opposite.

"You sound like you're asking Alice how your day is going. Did you need her to answer for you or are you capable of answering questions? Because I have a few questions you owe answers."

"Jasper!" Alice admonished. She and Jasper shared a fairly intense glare for several seconds.

"Apologize to Bella."

"No. I deserved that." I felt four pairs of eyes hone in on me.

"Bella you don't have to say anything." Alice promised.

"The hell she doesn't!" I cringed at Emmett's outburst. "Look, I love you B, you know that but you owe us an explanation," his voice had lowered but it was still demanding. "You left and then you just cut us out of your life. _All of us_."

His implication wasn't lost on me.

I kept my eyes to the table top while I figured out what to say. I knew I'd hurt them with my actions. I told myself I was justified because of how deeply I'd been hurt. But after hearing the anger in both his and Jasper's voice, I wondered if maybe I hadn't been a bit selfish.

"Bella," I forced myself to look at my cousin. "Why did you leave like that?"

"And why did you cut us _all_ out of your life?" Emmett added.

"Guys, I don't think this is the time or the place to have those questions answered." Alice put her hand over mine. I barely knew her, but at that moment, I couldn't have been more grateful for her friendship.

"Babe, we've waited a year to hear these answers." Jasper's voice was considerably more kind than it was a minute ago as he spoke to Alice.

"Then you can wait four more hours." Rose added, while giving Emmett a stern look. I would've laughed at how she was able to calm the giant boy if I wasn't the cause of his anger.

Taking a deep breath I addressed the two people I'd wronged. "Jasper, Emmett, I owe you both explanations. Cutting you out of my life was wrong and I'm very sorry I hurt you. But at the time I was just trying to protect myself."

"Protect yourself from what? You know I'd annihilate anyone who'd hurt you." Emmett was getting worked up again.

"Let her talk." Rose again gentled the bear.

"No, Em is right. Bella, we'd never let anyone hurt you. You're not making any sense."

I knew that Jasper and Emmett wouldn't allow anyone to hurt me. As much as everything in my world had turned upside down that night, I knew in my heart that if I'd said something to either of them, Edward wouldn't have walked away unscathed.

"I'm sorry."

Jasper snorted at my lame reply. "I don't get it, you were in a good mood when you and mom left to go get your dress. You were talking about hair styles and other girly shit." I nodded slowly at Jasper's speech. My blood heated as I recalled how wonderful that night had started.

I'd been so happy in my stupidity.

"And then all of a sudden you're sick. Mom is freaking out, dad sends me off to the dance without you and by the time I get home, you're gone."

"Yeah, Edward showed up at the club alone looking like someone had punched his puppy." Emmett chimed in.

"Well, speak of the devil." Rose sneered and pointed to the door. Everyone turned to look towards the cafeteria entrance.

There stood Edward.

My chest tightened as I took him in. Even as I'd cursed his very existence for the last year, I never denied how cute he was. However, the boy standing across the room from me was no longer _cute_.

He was breathtakingly beautiful.

He was taller, broader, stronger, his hair was more wild and his eyes… they were even more green than I'd remembered.

He was more of _everything_.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"B…" Emmett's hand hit my back and the breath I'd been holding released in a rush. "Damn B, you have to breath."

"Jasper, is she asthmatic? Look how pale she is."

"J, I think we need to take her to the office."

The scrape of chairs moving startled me out of my stupor. Unable to speak I shook my head at their questions and tore my eyes from Edward.

I was too late. Jasper saw my reaction.

While Alice, Rose and Emmett were contemplating calling 911, my ever observant cousin had seen my reaction to Edward.

"She's okay." Jasper assured them all in a calm tone, never taking his eyes from mine.

"Dude, look at her. She forgot to breathe. Who forgets to breathe?" Emmett asked exasperated, before sitting back down at the table.

"Bella, are you sure you're okay." I nodded at Alice, while trying to get a hold of myself.

All of the self-confidence I'd managed to build up over the last year had shattered into a million pieces at my first glimpse of the boy I'd loved.

Determined to not revert completely into the doormat I was a year ago, I gathered up what pieces I could and spoke. "I'm fine." Alice didn't look convinced.

"B, that's the second time you've scared the shit out of me. Don't fucking do it again." Emmett ordered, his voice full of genuine concern.

"Okay." I weakly promised.

"Now that Bella's…whatever that was is over. Can we address the fact that 'doucheward' and the boob crew are making their way over here?" Rose asked.

Everyone groaned.

Except for Jasper.

"Bella, let's go." His voice was demanding in its quiet tone. He got out of his chair and began walking over to me.

I understood what he was doing. He didn't know what had happened that night but he'd figured out it had something to do with the boy walking our way. And he was trying to spare me the confrontation.

As strong as I wanted to believe I was, I knew I wasn't yet ready to take Edward head on.

I nodded quickly and grabbed my back pack, ignoring the confused looks from the others as Jasper and I prepared to leave.

"Well, what do we have here?" Even with my back turned, I knew that voice.

There was no hope of leaving the room without seeing him. Jasper laid a protective hand on my shaking arm.

"What do you want Ed?" I could hear the sneer in Emmett's tone. While they'd fought like normal siblings for as long as I'd known them, Emmett's voice held a hard edge that surprised me. He was already angry and Edward hadn't yet said a word.

"I don't want anything." Even his voice was deeper.

"Then keep moving asswipe." Rose's tone echoed her boyfriend's.

"Wow, such ugly words from such a pretty mouth. You use that same mouth on my brother?"

I heard Emmett's chair scrape against the floor and felt his presence directly behind me. "Don't speak to her like that shit head."

"My deepest apologies Rose. Apparently my big brother is quite _fond_ of your mouth." I heard Alice gasp and the tittering laughter of several new voices.

I gasped at his malicious words.

"Why you little fucker."

Jasper let go of my arm and moved to stand behind me and beside his friend.

"Let it go Em."

"Hey Jasper." Edward greeted my cousin. "I didn't see you there. Who is your friend?"

"None of your business."

"Well, that's not very friendly. And everyone knows how friendly I am. Right ladies."

"Yes, Edward."

"Oh, yes, Edward."

My already upset stomach began rolling as I recognized the voices of Tanya and Lauren.

"Leave it, Edward. She doesn't want to speak to you."

"Oh, don't be so mean, J, introduce me to your friend. She looks like she's _big _enough to speak for herself."

Lauren and Tanya laughed at his mocking words.

With that one sentence, all of the pain, anger and hatred came rushing back and I heard his awful words from that night repeated in my head, reminding me once again that a pretty face doesn't mean a pretty heart.

With every bit of hatred that he'd planted over a year ago, and all of the confidence I'd gained over the summer pushing me forward, I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and turned to face the boy I used to love.

Those lips I'd once thought of as perfect, lost their smirk as recognition crossed his now pale face.

"Bella?" He said my name in a breathy whisper.

"Hello, Edward."

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><p>PLEASE don't hate me! I didn't mean to leave you with such a cliffie. But it just felt right. *braces for impact*<p>

The next chapter has already been started. I hope to update soon.

To all of you that celebrate, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

Stay safe, and I'll see you soon.

ruinedbyrob


	21. Chapter 21

To all of you who have taken the time to leave me a few kind and encouraging words, thank you. I sincerely hope you feel this chapter was worth the wait.

My beta is Mullet86. She's as beautiful as she is kind.

SM still owns everything Twilight. Big thanks to her for allowing us to play with her toys.

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

Chapter 21

_With every bit of hatred that he'd planted over a year ago, and all of the confidence I'd gained over the summer pushing me forward, I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and turned to face the boy I used to love._

_Those lips I'd once thought of as perfect, lost their smirk as recognition crossed his now pale face._

"_Bella?" He said my name in a breathy whisper. _

"_Hello, Edward."_

Edward stumbled back at my cool greeting; his cheeks went slack as all of the color drained from his face.

The cocky demeanor he'd been displaying to everyone only a moment ago vanished as he took in my presence.

He looked lost, so much like the Edward I'd remembered from my first visit to Forks. But I held my ground against his searching green gaze.

I was the hurt party here.

A harsh silence fell over the table as they all took in the scene between Edward and me.

Edward was the first to break.

"What are you doing…when did you get here?" He stammered.

"She got here this weekend." Jasper spat, taking my arm and pulling me away. "Now move back."

"Wait!" Edward's hand shot forward as if to stop me, but seeing Jasper's glare, quickly let it fall to his side.

He shook his head as if trying to clear it. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming back?"

I was momentarily stunned by the hurt echoing in his questions, but quickly tamped it down at the sound of Tanya's nasally voice.

"Look Lauren, it's Becca."

"Hey, Becca. What's new?"

"Definitely not that hair style or those jeans." Both girls erupted into laughter.

Before I could open my mouth to tell them to go to hell, Rose beat me to it.

"Tanya, you're such a bitch."

"Screw you, Rose." Lauren quickly bit back.

Rose smiled and leaned forward in her chair. "Why don't you and Slutanya slide your ample asses back on over to the locker room. I hear the golf team is practicing getting their balls in holes. That should be right up your alley."

Tanya's cheeks heated to a medium-rare pink at Rose's words.

"Oh look, Tan, Rose was able to take Emmett's dick out of her mouth long enough to string a whole sentence together. Rose's eyes narrowed at Lauren and her lips curled evilly as she opened her mouth to fire off a retort.

The squeal of Rose's chair echoed throughout the room as she pushed roughly from the table. "At least my man can rest assured that his dick is the only one my mouth touches. We can't say the same for you two whores." She pointed at a red-faced Lauren.

Alice, sensing a battle was about to begin, jumped from her seat and stood in between Rose and Lauren. "Ladies, ladies, this really isn't the place…"

"Shut up dwarf." Tanya fired.

Alice pulled herself up to her full height of about five feet and prepared to launch herself at the taller girl. Jasper quickly moved from my side and grabbed Alice around the waist, stopping her forward momentum.

"Babe, no."

"But she called me a dwarf!"

"If the pointed shoe fits…" Tanya pointed to Alice's petite feet.

"That's an elf you moron!" Alice screamed.

Lauren turned to Tanya with an evil smile. "She's right, Tanya. Dwarves are stockier and have ugly hair everywhere. Alice is definitely a dwarf." Both girls laughed.

Jasper was barely able to contain Alice as she struggled to get at Tanya and Lauren.

Emmett didn't even attempt to hide his chuckle as his girlfriend referred to Tanya and Lauren as loose women.

Tanya petulantly stomped her foot. "Eddie, are you going to let her talk to us like that?"

I tore my eyes from the floor show and looked at Edward, fully expecting him to defend them. He ignored Tanya; his eyes were glued to me.

The surprised expression on his face hadn't changed since he'd first seen me.

While Emmett, Jasper, and by this time the entire Fork's high school student body watched, the girls continued trading insults.

As the name-calling flew around us, Edward and I stood staring at each other in silence.

I steadily grew uncomfortable under his intense green gaze and began to fidget, breaking my eyes from him to stare at the very uninteresting toe of my shoe.

Soon, another set of shoes joined mine. Edward and I were toe to toe.

I took a deep breath and met his bewildered gaze. "Bella, why did you leave me?"

His voice was so low I could barely hear his words.

My heart clenched at the miserable sound of his voice, but quickly hardened.

_Be strong Bella. Show him that you're not the same girl that you were a year ago._

Steeling myself for the words to come, I looked him straight in the eyes. "I guess I got tired of being lied to." Surprisingly my voice didn't betray me; my words were clear and calm.

Edward's eyes widened. "I don't understand. I've never lied to you." As calm as my voice was, his was shaky.

My eyes shot back to his face. He sounded as if he actually believed what he was saying.

He sounded so sad.

For a moment I was oblivious to all of the chaos going on around us and really looked at the boy standing in front of me.

Edward sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair. The familiar nervous gesture made him look so much like the boy I used to know.

I saw the boy that had befriended me and defended me against the very girls that were now trading insults with his brother's girlfriend.

The boy who I'd spent hours playing board games, watching movies and reading comic books with on long summer days.

The boy that had included me in his schemes to take over his brother's tree house and against the odds talked his mother into allowing him to give up on her dreams of having a professional ballet dancer for a son, so he could follow his dream of playing baseball.

That boy was standing in front of me with pain in his voice and confusion in his eyes.

_Maybe I owed him an explanation? _

_No. _

In between seeing the boy that had been my only friend, my whole world, I also saw the boy who stood on my aunt's deck and spoke those horrible words that broke my heart.

"That's a lie." I said flatly, taking a step back from him. As much as I hated to admit it, having him so close made it difficult to keep a clear head.

His eyes grew wide. "What are you talking about? You're not making any sense. Let's go somewhere quiet and talk." He angrily replied and moved forward to grab my arm.

"Don't." I ordered, moving out of his grasp.

His arm dropped to his side with a frustrated huff. "Bella, you're acting crazy. You stood me up for the dance, ran off in the middle of the night and then stopped talking to me." His voice took on a more demanding tone. "You _owe_ me an explanation."

His demand fell flat at my feet.

I owed him nothing.

I'd noticed the changes in him the minute he'd walked into the cafeteria.

It was time he learned that I'd changed too. "After what you did, I don't owe you a _damn thing_!"

Edward stumbled back, as if I'd hit him in the chest with my fist rather than my words.

"What the hell are you talking about? You lied to _me_!"

He wasn't going to make me buckle.

I took a deep breath and held my ground.

The new Edward smirked at my defiance. "What? You don't believe me? You don't think making me believe that I meant something to you and then just throwing me away isn't lying? Don't forget it was _you_ who left. And it was _you_ who wouldn't return my calls or emails for an entire year! He fumed, punctuating each 'you' with a finger point to me.

Even though he'd not raised his voice, Edward's chest heaved with the exertion of his words.

"You didn't even say goodbye."

I winced at his accusations.

When I'd envisioned our first meeting upon my return, I in no way expected to feel the kind of pain that his words evoked.

My head dropped so I couldn't see his face and he couldn't see mine.

He was right. I did those things. And I'd felt more than justified in doing them, as he'd done the lying and throwing away first. But as hard as I tried, I couldn't push down the feeling that I'd been a tiny bit wrong in the way I handled things.

He'd clearly been hurt by my actions. The question was, was my hurt worse than his?

I furiously chewed the inside of my cheek as his accusations sunk in.

Before I had a chance to think any further on Edward's words, we were interrupted by a demand from Tanya. "Eddie, tell your brother's whore to apologize to us!"

To her and my surprise, Edward ignored her and continued staring at me. I stiffened slightly when both Lauren and Tanya slinked from behind him and wrapped their manicured fingers around his thick upper arms.

Their smiles were fake, but their intent was clear. They were making sure I understood that he belonged to them.

Edward shifted slightly at their touch, but didn't shake them off.

"So Bella, you've come back. Will you be leaving in the middle of the night again or are you planning to stick around this time?" Tanya's mouth curled into a cruel smile.

"Don't forget to stop speaking to the only friend you ever had while you're at it too." Lauren's mouth mirrored her friend's bright red smile.

Apparently Edward had confided in them about my departure.

I wondered what else he'd done with them.

At their not so subtle reminders of how I'd left, all appearances of the boy I knew disappeared and the arrogant Edward that had walked into the cafeteria not ten minutes ago was back.

As was the boy who had lied when he told me I was very important to him and that he'd never hurt me. And so was the jerk that lied to me and told his other friends that the only reason he spent any time with me was because his mother paid him to paid to spend time with the fat girl that no one liked.

"Eddie, we only have a few minutes left and I'm famished." Lauren whined.

"Yeah, let's go find a better class of people to eat with." Tanya huffed while turning her nose up at my cousin and his friends.

Edward was silent as the girls began tugging him towards the lunch counter, but his mask of arrogance was firmly back in place. His eyes were cold and the stiffness had returned to his shoulders.

They'd walked just a few feet away when Edward turned back towards the group and came to a stop right in front of me.

"Welcome back Bella." I took a step back as he leaned in. His scent was as intoxicating as the sneer he wore was ugly. "Stay the fuck out of my way. I no longer have time for people _like you_."

The venom practically dripped from his mouth.

I watched them walk away wondering where the old Edward had gone?

If he'd even been here at all.

"Are you okay Bella?" I nodded quickly at Jasper's question. I didn't trust myself to speak.

All the bravado I'd started out the day with, had slowly disappeared.

Emmett came around and put his arm around my shoulders, giving me a gentle squeeze. "Sorry about all that. Edward has become a bit of an…"

"Asshole." Emmett gave Rose a withering look. "What? He's an asshole and he hangs around with assholes." Rose shrugged, taking a drink of her bottled water.

Emmett sighed. "He's um, changed in the year you've been gone." I wanted to point out that he'd changed before then, but it was clear that in the year I'd been gone, he'd gotten worse.

"You know, I could handle him being an asshole if he'd drop the skank twins. They make my skin crawl." Rose shuddered with revulsion. There was clearly more to her dislike of Tanya and Lauren than the obvious.

"Well, we all know that's not going to happen. Those two have their hooks so deep into him he'll carry the scars for life." Alice snorted.

My confrontation with Edward had lasted less than fifteen minutes, yet I knew Alice's statement was correct.

The bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period.

I hadn't eaten a thing and yet my stomach wasn't growling in hunger. Instead, I felt as if I'd swallowed a bowling ball.

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly. I followed Rose and Jasper to literature class and sat quietly as the teacher went over the readings we'd be discussing over this semester, my fight with Edward replayed in my head.

By the time I met Alice and Emmett in gym, I was rethinking every action I'd taken a year ago.

Instead of learning the intricacies of volleyball, I swatted at the questions swimming around in my head, paying no attention to the balls that whizzed around my head.

The ride home was an extension of my afternoon. All of the hate I'd felt was in direct turmoil with the feelings that my conversation with Edward had roused.

I still hurt, I still felt betrayed, but seeing him in person, hearing his voice…made me wonder if that's all I felt.

"You're not going to be able to keep mom at bay for much longer." With Jasper speaking to me again, the car ride home was a lot more comfortable than the ride to school.

My head lolled against the window. "Yeah, I know." The day's exertion had taken its toll. I could barely hold my head up.

"And you still owe us an explanation. And when I say _us_, I mean Emmett and me. Edward can suck it." After today's display in the lunchroom, it was clear that Edward was no longer on Jasper's favorite person list.

I observed my cousin's posture as he drove. I wondered if he was aware that when he spoke about Edward, his fingers clenched slightly on the wheel.

"Jasper, do you think it's possible to pretend something for years without the other person figuring out they're being lied to?"

"Um, I guess it's possible but the person lying would have to be a pretty damn good liar and the other person would need to be fairly gullible. Why?"

"Just wondering." I sighed and pressed back against the cool seat. _Was Edward that good of a liar? I tried and couldn't come up with another instance where I'd caught him in a lie. _

"Bella, it's obvious something heavy happened between you and Edward. It had to be pretty bad to make you leave like you did and for him to fully embrace the lifestyle of a giant ass hat."

"How bad has it been?" I blurted before I could think about what I was asking.

"Bad."

"Jasper." He knew I needed more.

His eyes flicked quickly at me before returning to the road. "You sure?" I nodded.

"Right after you left, Emmett swore he could hear Edward crying in his room at night," Jasper paused at the stop light and turned right towards Charlie's house. "You'd been gone about a week when I found him up in the tree house surrounded by comic books. He wasn't reading them, he just, he was just staring at them. When I asked what he was doing, he ignored me and climbed down and walked away."

We pulled into Charlie's driveway. Jasper turned the car off and leaned his arms onto the steering wheel, staring out the window. "At first, he was hanging around with Em and me like old times. We played catch, went to the movies…we even took it easy on him because it was evident he was hurting." I wanted to tell him to stop, but I'd asked for this.

Jasper leaned back into his seat and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, "When you stopped talking to me and Emmett, Edward got worse. He stopped hanging with us and started spending all of his time with the guys from the team and the dugout dollies." At my confused look, he explained that girls like Lauren and Tanya who tried to score with baseball players were referred to as 'dugout dollies'.

"Anyway, by Christmas we barely saw him except at school and even then he ignored us. Once school was out and the baseball season was in full swing, I didn't see him at all. Em still got a glimpse of him every once in awhile when Esme decreed a family dinner or fun day. But things weren't the same. Edward and Em, you know they've always fought and stuff like normal brothers, but they were also friends. Now, Edward treats him like the enemy. You saw what happened today." Of course I had. It had been awful.

"That's normal operating procedure now. He walks in with the flavor of the month, they trade insults with Rose, Edward says something douchie and we all tell him to leave." I cringed at the thought of Edward 'tasting' either one of those girls, or any girl if I was being honest.

"Edward has become one of those douche bag jocks that thinks his shit doesn't stink. For Christ sakes! Emmett was an All State tackle last year and will probably get a scholarship to the college of his choice, but you don't see him acting even remotely like an asshole."

My heart fell. I didn't know Emmett had become a football standout. As his friend, I should have known. While I'd been attending Friday night games in Phoenix, rooting for players that I cared nothing about, my friend was becoming a football star and I didn't even congratulate him.

I've been so caught up in my hurt, my betrayal that I'd been a terrible friend to Emmett.

"He's rude to the underclassman, even though by age he is an underclassman," Jasper shifted so he could look at me. "He stays out all night with the other assholes on the team and he's drinking like a thirty year old has-been."

_Edward was drinking and staying out all night? _

"Emmett and Edward are the closest to having brothers I'll ever get and like Emmett, I feel as though I've lost a little brother," he paused and looked at me across the console of his car. "And a sister." I felt the knife twist in my heart.

I was a terrible cousin.

"B, when you guys were talking, I saw him change. For a minute there, I could have sworn I saw the old Edward. Did you see it?"

I nodded slowly and looked out the window. Jasper was far too perceptive for me to allow him to see my eyes.

I heard him sigh from his seat. "Then there's still hope we can fix him."

_We?_

"Jasper, I don't think I can…"

"Hey, you and Edward were as close as two people could get. Judging from what I saw today, there's still hope," he leaned over the console and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. _"For both of you."_

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><p>Okay, I'm fully prepared to receive more hate mail for Edward. But before you grab a shovel and start digging a hole, I ask that you hang with me. I won't lie. He's a bit slow on the uptake so changes won't happen over night, but they'll happen. I'm a HUGE fan of a redeemable Edward and this one has a special place in my heart.<p>

Thank you all for reading! And thanks to the gorgeous Robert Pattinson, for constantly giving me such beautiful visuals to keep me company as I write.

Enjoy!

ruinedbyrob


	22. Chapter 22

Many thanks to all of you who have reviewed and have given me encouragement. You guys seriously are why I keep writing. I need to address a few people who have expressed (not very nicely) their displeasure at my slow update schedule. I'm hate that I can't update more often. I wish the words flowed quicker, that I didn't have to work 50 hours a week and that I could spend all day writing. But the world **never** does what I want and I have to play the cards I'm dealt.  
>If you decide to flounce this story because you're pretty sure you'll be dead before it completes (actual words from a reviewer) I understand. To those of you who continue to hang with me and my characters, <strong>THANK YOU!<strong>

My beta is Mullet86. She takes time out of her life to pretty my words up and I'm forever grateful to her.

Disclaimer: SM owns it all. I make NO MONEY for writing this story.

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 22**

"Bella, honey, I'm so glad you're here," Aunt Janet pulled me in for another hug. "You look amazing."

I blushed slightly under her acknowledgment of my weight loss.

My cousin's prediction that I wouldn't be able to elude my aunt for much longer had been correct. I'd been in Forks less than a week before being practically threatened with being disowned if I didn't present myself at my aunt's house for dinner. So, my first Friday back in Forks found me sitting around the dinner table with my family.

"Doesn't she look wonderful, Mark?" Aunt Janet beamed, releasing me into my uncle's embrace.

"She does. But then she always did." Uncle Mark winked and gave me a quick hug.

My aunt had gone all out for my welcome home dinner, grilled lemon pepper chicken, twice baked potatoes and assorted veggies. Everything looked fantastic.

"So, how are you getting along at school?" My aunt asked while pouring me a giant glass of iced tea.

I took the bowl of grilled asparagus from my cousin and spooned several spears onto my plate. "Um, okay."

It was the best answer I could give her. In truth my week had been one awful hour followed by another with brief interludes of 'ok-ness' brought on by my lunches with Emmett, Jasper and the girls. It's not as if my classes were difficult. I've never been accused of being a genius, but I could hold my own. No. It was the stress of avoiding another confrontation with Edward at school.

After our initial confrontation, I'd grappled for hours with thoughts that I'd perhaps overreacted and had misjudged him.

After a couple hours of contemplation, I'd come to the conclusion that I hadn't misjudged or overreacted.

I'd heard him correctly and even though he didn't realize that I could hear him, he'd still said those words.

I'd waited over a year to confront him, yet I hadn't done it yet. The thought of not only having to deal with Edward, but also of being subjected to the comments of whomever was with him at the time was holding me back. In my absence Edward had become quite social and was rarely alone.

I'd been lucky enough to only catch glimpses of him in the hallways as we changed classrooms, and a handful of looks as he and his gaggle of leeches, if what Rose said about them were true, passed through the lunchroom on the way to their exclusive eating area in the corner of the room.

The glares we exchanged were in a word, cold.

The conflicted feelings I'd felt that first Monday had quickly disappeared and gave way to the now familiar anger and disdain that I'd been harboring for him the last year.

However my luck had run out this morning.

_~~Earlier that day~~_

"Welcome to driver's education. It's my job to turn you into safe, responsible drivers before setting you loose on the unsuspecting Forks public." I listened to Mr. Birdie while looking anywhere but at the boy who was leaning casually against the red tool box that was shoved in the corner of the tiny garage.

The rest of the class stood around the beige Nissan Altima that was to be the car I would be learning to drive.

Where my other classes were attending by seniors, this class was open to every student that was at least sixteen years old.

I'd been dealt a double whammy. Edward was a senior and sixteen years old.

"Listen up people. You'll be driving in groups of three. From now on you'll have lab every Monday and drive every Friday afternoon. When your last name is called, stand with your group."

"Klauer, Anderson, Minks. Siedl, James, Henley. Swan, Mauser," Mr. Birdie paused as a yelp of pain followed by a chorus of swear words was heard from across the garage where the auto shop class was working.

"Wait here." He demanded and rushed off to assess the damage.

I moved to stand next to Derick, avoiding Edward's gaze.

"Hey, Bella. I guess we're going to be driving partners."

"Looks that way." I returned Derick's wide smile.

"How has your first week been?"

_Horrible. Abdominal. Crappy._

"Fine." I lied.

"Great. Have you had any trouble finding…" He was interrupted by Mr. Birdie's return.

"And that's why we wear safety glasses people! Now, where were we? Yes, Mauser, Swan," there were only four names left to call. My breathing picked up as he readied to read the next name.

_Please don't say Cullen. Please don't say Cullen. Please don't say Cullen._

"Cullen."

_Perfect._ Now I would have a front row seat to watch Edward earn the license that would allow him to drive the very car his friendship with me had afforded him.

Mr. Birdie rattled off the last three names as Edward smirked at me from his spot in the corner.

"Okay, I want everyone to stand with their groups. We're going to have a quick quiz on the parts of a car and what they do." Everyone groaned at the mention of the word "quiz". My back stiffened as Edward sauntered over to take his place with Derick and me.

"Hi, Edward." Edward ignored Derick's offered hand and eyed me coldly.

"Ignore him Derick. He's an ass." Whoa. That fell out of my mouth with no thought at all.

"Don't listen to her. She doesn't even know me." Edward bit back.

My eyes narrowed and I leaned closer into Edward's space. "That's true. I don't know _this person at all_." I fired back. I hadn't wanted to fight with him at school, but I wasn't going to stand here and let him snub Derick.

Derick's freckled cheeks reddened at our exchange. "Hey Bella, it's fine," he flashed me a smile and turned to Edward. "You probably don't remember me, but I was in your class until you got moved up a year back in elementary school. We sat next to each other in Mrs. Hollenbach's class. We used to play four-square at recess."

Edward's face softened as he turned away from me to address Derick. "Sorry, man that was a long time ago. I guess we have every Monday and Friday to get reacquainted." Edward happily clapped Derick on the back.

Derick smiled at the attention. _Et tu brute?_

I pushed past the urge to throw up as the two of them made googily eyes at each other.

"No, I get it. It's okay. You got moved up and found a whole new set of friends."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that I can't reconnect with an old friend," Edward turned and looked right at me. "You should never throw a friend away. Right, _Bella_?"

I wanted to smack the smirk right off his face. "You should try living by your own words, _Edward_."

Our eyes narrowed as we silently accused the other.

"You guys know each other. I thought you just moved here?" Derick asked me.

"I did just move here," I promised a confused looking Derick. " I used to spend the summers here and…our paths… crossed." Edward snorted and shook his head.

Derick's face lightened. "Oh. I thought when we talked last week you were brand new to Forks."

"Wait, you _two_ know each other? You were with _him_ last week?" Edward questioned harshly.

Derick opened his mouth to explain but I cut him off with a definitive "Yes. So?"

"How? Where…?"

_Really? He thought he deserved answers?_

"Cullen! Pay attention!" Mr. Birdie demanded. Edward's eyes snapped from mine to the front of the garage. "Tell me what the normal psi is for the tires on our training vehicle."

The whole class turned to look at the silent Edward.

"Well?" Mr. Birdie narrowed his eyes while he waited.

"I don't know." Edward muttered, staring at the ground.

"What voltage is the battery?"

"I don't know." Edward answered through clenched teeth. He'd always hated not knowing everything and I could only guess that it had always gotten worse now that he was king of the school.

Mr. Birdie scoffed and called on Derick.

"Thirty-five to thirty-seven psi. The battery should be twelve point six volts at full charge." Derick answered quickly.

Mr. Birdie smiled. "Good job. Cullen, you could learn a thing or two from Mauser." He turned and went back to addressing the class.

Ignoring Edward's sour glare, I leaned in and whispered to Derick. "How did you know that?"

He shrugged and whispered back. "Last spring, my older brother bought a nineteen sixty-nine Camaro to fix up, but he's a crap mechanic. It turns out I'm not." he grinned. "He promised that if I helped him get it running, I could drive it while he's away in Florida for school. I got it running last week. As soon as I get my license, would you go for a ride with me?" His blush was so cute.

"Of course. I'd love to go with you." I answered quickly as Derick's grin widened.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Edward's jaw was clenched tightly as he stared at Derick and me.

I wondered briefly what his problem was, but was interrupted when the bell rang and everyone gathered up their books to leave. Derick turned to say something to his long lost friend but Edward rushed past Derick and me and disappeared out the door.

Derick looked crestfallen at Edward's snub. "Don't worry about it. Like I said, he's an ass."

_A week later._

"So, today is the big day right?"

"Wuh?" I mumbled at Charlie with a mouthful of oatmeal and raisins.

"Driving?" he paused and eyed me as if to ascertain whether I'd lost my mind. "It's Friday, today you start driving. Aren't you excited?"

I shrugged in response and went back to eating my breakfast.

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Just be careful." I gave him a thumbs up not trusting myself to tell him exactly how I felt about being held captive in a moving metal box with Edward, while trying to concentrate on listening to Mr. Birdie's instructions and not to kill everyone onboard.

Two weeks of riding to school with Jasper, had softened him towards me. I was still looking for the right time to talk to him and Emmett, but school work and their active social lives had kept them busy after school and on the weekends.

"You realize that you're not from Texas right?" Jasper ignored me, reaching over to turn the volume up on today's country song selection. We'd agreed that he got to choose the radio stations Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Of course I'd made the deal allowing him an extra day before I discovered his penchant for awful country songs.

It wasn't often that I was able to get my cousin's goat; I hated to pass up any chances that came my way. "If your wife really had left you, stolen your new pickup truck _and_ ran over your dog, would the first thing you do is write a song about it?"

"Shut it." He said slyly, never taking his eyes off the road.

I chuckled at him and decided to stop poking the bear.

"Alright Mauser, check your mirrors again and proceed to slowly back out." Derick expertly backed out of the lot and pulled out into the street. My sweating palms had nothing to do with the inexperienced driver at the wheel and everything to do with the person sitting next to me.

The back seat of our training car may have been adequate for two adults, but I was finding it positively claustrophobic.

"Wow, it's been almost two weeks and you're still here, it must be some kind of a record." Edward kept his voice low enough so only I could hear his snide comment.

"Lied to anyone today?" I shot back.

"Still making no sense Swan? What happened to you?"

"Me? You're the one that's changed."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I confirmed, crossing my arms over my chest protectively.

"Well, finding out that the person you trusted the most has no problem just throwing you away will do that to you."

My fists clenched at his statement. I really wanted to slap him right across his perfect, stupid face. But the backseat of the driver's ed. car was so not the right place for this conversation.

Instead, I threw out my own barb. "Actually I know _exactly_ how that feels."

Edward leaned across the seat, towards me. "I'm getting really tired of your riddles. You owe me answers."

His cologne smelled so good. I rolled my window down to allow a little fresh air in and to keep from taking a deeper snortful as his scent surrounded me in the close confines of the car.

"Swan, roll up that window! Didn't we discuss distractions on Monday?"

"Yes sir." I mumbled and rolled the window back up.

Edward chuckled humorlessly as he moved back to his side of the seat.

I hated that his presence still affected me like this.

"Pull over here. Swan, you're up." I unbuckled my seatbelt, grateful to put a little distance between us.

"It's easy Bella, just relax." I smiled at Derick's encouragement as he passed me to take my place in the back seat.

"Okay Swan, use the checklist you learned Monday, and pull away from the curb slowly."

My hand shook as I flipped on my turn signal and let off the brake.

"Whoa!" Mr. Bridie yelled. The car lurched sharply as he applied his brake, stopping me from pulling right out in front of the yellow Volkswagen bug.

The small car honked angrily as it passed.

"What did you do wrong?"

I knew from Monday's lab that I was only given one strike when we were in the car.

The shaking in my hands was worse as I wracked my brain to come up with the answer.

_Seat adjust-check_

_Seatbelt-check_

_Foot on the brake-check…_

"Time's up. You didn't check your mirrors before pulling out. Cullen, you're up." My head hung low in embarrassment as he marked what I could only guess was a big fat X next to my name on his ever present clipboard.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out of the car. The passing traffic served to remind me that if I didn't get my act together, I may never be joining them.

"Good job, Bella. Remind me to never let you drive my new car." Edward brushed past me on his way to my newly vacant seat.

My anger boiled over at the mention on the car. The car that he'd boasted had been purchased at my expense.

"Fuck you and your new car!" I seethed.

Edward's jaw fell open at my language. In truth I was just as surprised as he seemed to be.

"Such language," he mockingly put his hand to his chest. "You used to be such a sweet girl."

_That was it._

Oblivious to the fact that we were standing alongside what passed as a busy street in Forks, and that our teacher and classmate were watching from the car, I opened up and let everything out.

"You know what else I'm not?" I continued without giving him a chance to speak. "I'm also not the same girl who blindly believes the lies of _friendship_ from an asshole who tells his friends that the _friendship _is nothing but a means to a new car."

I watched with glee as the color drained from his face. "Yeah, I heard what you said and I understand now that everything you'd _ever_ said to me was a lie. So go ahead and continue acting like an ass. I've come to expect nothing less of you." I didn't even try to keep the smile of justification off my face.

There. It was out. Now he knew why I left and he knew it was his fault.

I'd just thrown the first grenade in our battle and it had landed all over Edward's pretty face.

"Cullen, Swan, get in the car! Now!" Mr. Birdie's voice shook with restraint.

I turned and opened the car door, leaving a silent Edward standing in the street.

Derick was also silent as he scooted over to let me in, but his blue eyes were wide with surprise.

"Cullen!" Mr. Birdie demanded.

"Sorry, Mr. Birdie." Edward muttered, as he got into the car.

I offered no apologies as I strapped myself into the worn, beige seat.

Mr. Birdie continued Edward's lesson and somehow we made it back to the school. Though I don't remember much except the occasional glances I would get from Edward in the rearview mirror.

I had returned his quick glances with vindicated glares.

"Bella, um, Liam is having a party tonight. Are you going to be there?" Derick asked as we gathered our bags from the backseat.

I shut the door to the car and looked at him quizzically. "I thought you didn't associate with seniors?" I teased and was rewarded with a big grin.

"Well, he's kind of my cousin. My aunt and uncle are out of town this weekend and if he wants me to keep my mouth shut about the party…"

"Ah, so an invite for silence?" He nodded sheepishly. "I don't know if I can go but…"

The slamming of the driver's door reminded us that we weren't alone.

Edward pushed past Derick as he retrieved his book bag from the back seat.

"Bella, can we talk?" His voice was still harsh as he glared at Derick, who paled a little under his icy stare.

"I have nothing to say to you," Edward's nostrils flared at my words. I turned back to Derick. "Derick, I would like to come to the party tonight. Would it be okay to invite a few friends?"

"Yes!" He quickly nodded.

Edward huffed crossly and stormed away from us towards the school. I felt my lips curl slightly as I watched him walk away.

I'm not a tad bit ashamed that there was a little extra hop in my step as Derick and I made our way into the school.

My victory over Edward had given me a push to mend things with Jasper and Emmett, but Alice had accompanied us home after school. So once again I would wait for a better time.

As Jasper's attitude had melted towards me, I'd begun spending more time at his house. After school study sessions with Jasper and Alice and family dinners were much more inviting then spending the rest of my day alone at Charlie's. Though tonight would be the first time I stayed over since I'd moved back.

"You've only been here two weeks and you're already being invited to a senior party. You move fast girlfriend." I ignored Alice's waggling eyebrows.

"Derick is just a friend." I assured her and continued eating my freshly baked monster cookie. I was still giddy over my victory this afternoon and had rewarded myself with a treat.

"Just a friend, huh?"

"Yes, Alice."

"Hmm, a friend that has invited you for a ride in his car and a party." Her eyes twinkled with her teasing.

"So," I turned to Jasper, ignoring the meddling girl to my left. "You guys will go with me right?"

He smiled and looked at his girlfriend's vigorously nodding form. "I guess so." He chuckled.

Suddenly Alice jumped out of her seat as if it were on fire. "I've got to go call Rose and coordinate outfits. Do you need help getting dressed?" She asked hurriedly.

_Did I?_ I've been dressing myself since I was four years old, but this was my first senior school party. Yet the idea of the petite Alice, or perfectly shaped Rose seeing me undressed, made me want to vomit.

Seeing the slight distress in my eyes, Alice moved to put me at ease. "You know what? It's the first party of the season and Liam is a pretty low key guy. No need to get too dressed up for a keg of bad beer and a couple bags of chips. Wear your favorite pair of jeans, a cute top and you're good."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Oh and wear your hair in a high pony tail. No fuss, no muss." She skipped over to Jasper, planting a loud kiss on his cheek before waving goodbye to Aunt Janet as they passed in the hallway.

"What's this about a party?" Aunt Janet handed her laundry basket to Jasper.

"Just a little get together at Liam's." Jasper offered off handedly, as he walked into the laundry room.

"Liam is Siobahn and Alistair's, son right?"

"Yeah." Was muffled answer from her son.

"Hmmm, how do you know Liam, Bella?"

"Um, I don't. I mean I know he's a senior. But I was invited to the party by his cousin, Derick."

My aunt's eyes lit up at the mention of Derick's name. "Derick, that cute little red headed bag boy from the grocery store?"

"Mom!"

"What? He's adorable." Jasper made gagging sounds as his mother laughed.

"You're going with him, Bella?"

"No." _Whoa. What?_

"Are you going with Edward?"

"No!"

"Oh. I was hoping that you two would be able to rekindle your friendship." I scoffed loudly at the word 'friendship'.

Aunt Janet eyed me warily before taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

"He hasn't done well since you left."

I'd heard a bit of this sort of thing from Jasper but I was all ears for my aunt's view. In truth, I shouldn't care. I didn't need to know how he'd fared after I'd left.

But something made me comment.

"Really?" I pretended to be surprised by her statement.

She gave me a cautious look. "What have you heard?"

She caught me. She always caught me.

"Um, I heard that he'd been going out a lot."

"He certainly has been taking advantage of his new position in the school hierarchy. He came out of his shell, maybe a little too well," I watched as she went to the sink and began putting the clean dishes away. "He was very depressed when you left. Carlisle debated putting him on medication, but then all of a sudden he snapped out of it, though his new attitude left something to be desired."

"Jasper said he'd been staying out all night and drinking?" Sorry about the tire treads on your back, cuz.

Aunt Janet stopped in mid-air with a glass in each hand and turned towards me. "Who told you that?"

I shook my head and shrugged. She knew who had told me.

She set the glasses down on the counter. "I know that he may have been caught drinking a time or two, normal kid stuff. Not that I approve," she pointed out to me. I got the hint and nodded appropriately at her warning. "But out all night drinking? No. Carlisle and Esme wouldn't put up with all night benders. They'd send his butt to military school if things got that bad."

_Hmm, I wondered why Jasper had made it sound as if Edward was practically a weekend drunk?_

Aunt Janet walked over and sat next to me at the table, taking my hand. "Sweetheart, what happened between the two of you?"

I shook my head and pulled my hand away from her. She sighed heavily and got up from the table to resume her chore. "Fine. Don't tell me. But don't you think for a moment that I haven't figured out that the misunderstanding between the two of you was the cause of you to leave here in the middle of the night and the catalyst for the sudden change in Edward's attitude."

I opened my mouth to add that the change hadn't been sudden and it wasn't a misunderstanding, but after the look she shot me, I thought better of it.

"So, you go right ahead and stew in your own juices if you wish. I won't say another word about it, except," I tried not to roll my eyes. I knew there would be an _except_. "To say that you need to have it out with Edward and move on, either with him or without him. And you my beautiful girl owe your cousin and Emmett an explanation. They love you and you cut them out of your life. As much as you mean to me, I won't have you treating my boy that way."

With that, she walked over to me, planted a kiss on my forehead and left the room.

"What's with the look?" Jasper closed the laundry room door and crossed the kitchen to snag a cookie off the plate on the counter.

"I think I just got told off by your mother."

Cookie crumbs fell out of his mouth as he laughed. "Did she end the telling off with a forehead kiss?"

"Yeah."

"Yep. You totally got 'mommed'. Now you'll think about and feel guilty about whatever wrong you did yet, still be secure with the knowledge that you're loved. Classic parental psychology." He snagged another cookie and headed upstairs.

_Damn. _

"Don't drink anything unless one of us hands it to you." I nodded at Jasper's instructions. We were in his car headed for the party; he and Alice were giving me a few pointers in school party etiquette. Upon learning that I'd never attended an honest to goodness high school party before, Alice had wanted to do a formal indoctrination complete with a slide show. But Jasper distracted her with kisses until it was time to leave for Liam's.

"And don't go to the bathroom alone. Always take a buddy."

"Why?" Surely I would be allowed to pee in peace?

Alice snapped the visor closed after expertly applying lip gloss to her already shiny lips. "Because drunk boys can be very 'handsie' when they stumble upon a lone female in a dark hallway. Safety in numbers, Bella."

I scoffed at her assumption that I would be enticing enough for any boy to put his hands on me. Even one that was drunk.

"What? You look fantastic. We'll have to beat the guys off you." She waved dismissively at me from her seat.

I wiped my sweaty palms on the legs of my jeans and wondered for the thirtieth time since getting into the car, if I'd made a mistake by agreeing to the party. I knew that my quick promise to Derick had been in part a reaction to my victory and partly because my friendship with Derick was upsetting Edward.

Agreeing to attend a party where there was a fairly good chance that Edward and his posse might show up was probably not a good idea. Yet, here I was.

I was so confused.

"Don't forget about the guacamole rule." Jasper's reminded Alice from the front seat.

"What?" I'd spaced out for a minute.

"As a rule we don't eat anything that didn't come right out of a wrapper."

"Especially at Liam's." Jasper chimed in while Alice nodded in agreement.

"Why?"

"Lots of reasons. But the main one to be worried about tonight is the Kate factor."

"Um, the Kate factor?"

"Yeah. Liam is dating Kate. And as such whenever he has a party she decides to play Suzie Homemaker and cooks," Alice turned in her seat so she could look right at me. "Kate can't cook. No even a little bit. Last year Emmett ate nearly half of the bowl before discovering that Kate used rotten avocados and mayonnaise in the dip. She's also let it sit out all day before serving it. Emmett thought it was black bean dip."

"Oh my God, he was bent over Liam's mom's rose bushes for an hour! Baby, remember? You had to help him walk to the car." Alice wiped at her eyes and chuckled.

Jasper was laughing so hard the car lurched sharply to the side of the road before he was able to regain control.

"So unless you want to spend the night throwing up into the bushes, don't eat the guacamole or anything else that looks like it didn't come in a wrapper."

"Got it. No drinking, no peeing and no eating. Should be a fun night."

"And no sneaking off with any boys. Especially that Derick kid." Jasper threw me a pointed look in the mirror.

Alice slapped him lightly on the arm. "What? Don't you listen to him, Bella. If you find a guy that tickles your fancy, you drag him into the nearest, darkest corner and suck the lips right off his face. That's what I plan to do." As soon as she spoke, the visual of my cousin wandering around with no lips assaulted my brain.

Liam's house was a big two story, brick colonial complete with columns and a circular drive that was already filled with assorted cars. A big wooden fence ran alongside the house, hiding the backyard from view, but the lights were bright and able to shine through announcing that there was indeed a party going on back there.

Emmett's rose bushes were full of large, fragrant flowers and lined the steps to the front door. Both Jasper and Alice giggled as they passed them.

Jasper reached for the door knob only to have it pulled open from the other side in a rush.

"Bella!" Derick exclaimed. "I'm so happy you could make it." He beamed at me and ushered us in with a flourish of his arm.

"Nice to see you too, Alice, Jasper." Alice smiled sweetly at him as she passed. Jasper just mumbled something about _freckle-faced gingers_ as he moved into the house joining the rest of the crowd, leaving me on the porch with what appeared to be a slightly tipsy Derick.

"I really am happy you could make it."

"Thank you for inviting me." _Awkward much Bella? _

"Um, so, come in." I chuckled as he teetered a bit, sloshing a few drops of the amber colored liquid onto his jeans. "Oops," he exclaimed, rubbing at the stains on his jeans before biding me entry with a flourish of his arm.

I entered the house and was immediately hit with the smell of beer, strong cologne and perfumes mixed in with a hint of something that smelled strongly of burnt skunk.

The door shut behind me. "Can I get you a drink?" I remembered Jasper and Alice's warnings about not accepting a drink from anyone but one of them, but surely accepting a drink from Derick was okay?

"Sure, thanks."

He smiled warmly. "Wait here." I nodded and watched him weave his way through the crowd.

I glanced around the house looking for anyone I recognized. I saw a few people from my classes, but the rest of the people were strangers. Forks wasn't a big school, but the amount of people in the house looked to be two to three times the size of the senior class.

Instead of standing around looking as out of place as I felt, I moved further into the house in search of Derick or anyone else I might know.

"Stumble Bee!" My head whipped around at my nickname to see Emmett standing on top of a stone coffee table waving at me with a red solo cup in both hands and an exasperated looking Rose clutching at his waist, attempting to get him off his perch.

"Lookie everyone, it's mah guuurl, B." I covered my chuckle with my hand at his slurring and made my way towards the spectacle.

Despite having a drink in both hands, Emmett jumped gracefully from the table and enveloped me in a hug.

"I sooo glad you're here. I mished you lots." He slurred loudly.

"Em, you just saw her at lunch." Rose reminded him, taking both cups from him and setting them safely on the table.

He stopped the hug, but kept one of his heavy arms slung across my shoulders as he turned to address his scowling girlfriend. "I knowed that Rosie, I mean when she left us," he turned back to me, his voice was just as loud as before but now it held a slightly sad tone. "Don't leave again Stumble B. Promise to not leave no more without telling me why."

His words hurt without intent. "Em, I promise." I patted him on the back as I staggered under his weight.

"Okay. I forgive you." He hugged me tightly while the party went on around us.

"Alright, big guy, let's go get you some water to drink." Rose gently pried Emmett off of me.

He immediately encircled her in his big arms. "Rosie! Bella is back!"

"I know baby. I know." She smiled at me as she led him towards the brightly lit dining room, passing Derick on their way.

"There you are," Derick held out a red solo cup. "I hope beer is okay."

Despite being a seventeen year old high school student I'd never drank beer before. "Thanks," I took a tentative sip of the lukewarm drink. My shoulders lurched forward as I gagged on the bitter and sour liquid.

"Are you okay?" Derick looked a bit scared.

I nodded quickly trying to hide my distaste. "Fine. Um, I'm not used to keg beer. I usually drink cider." I quickly lied, remembering the strawberry and hard apple cider my aunt had in her refrigerator.

"Oh, let me get you one." _Crap! _Now I would have to try and keep that down too.

"Toga! Toga!"

"Emmett Michael McCarty, get down from there!" Rose ordered her blanket draped boyfriend.

"Aaah, Rose, let ush have shum fuuun."

"Okay, you're cut off too," Rose glared at me. "Give me the bottle slur girl."

I weaved from her freakishly long arms, clutching my Red's Apple Cider to my chest.

"Run B!" Emmett ordered as he jumped down from his perch on the shiny and expensive looking table, grabbing his bossy girlfriend around the waist.

Not wanting to risk losing my new best friend in a bottle, I took Em's advice and took off toward the other end of the house, dodging other party goers as I went.

"Bella!" I heard Rose call my name. "Jasper, grab her!"

My designated driver cousin tried to grab me while keeping a hold of his tipsy girlfriend.

"Ha!" I laughed and dodged his arm, spinning out of his reach. My clever maneuver may have allowed me to elude Jasper, but it also caused my head to swirl and twist.

Black dots danced in front of my eyes. I lost my balance and began to topple forward. I put my hands out in front of me and started to go down.

I expected to hit the floor, but at the last minute a pair of arms reached out and grabbed my upper arms, saving me from doing a face plant onto the floor.

As the room spun around me, I slouched against the hard body that was keeping me upright.

"Whoa. I think you've had enough."

_Oh God. I knew that voice. I used to love that voice. _

"Jesus. She can't even drink hard cider without fucking up."

"Shut up, Tanya." The voice ordered.

I struggled to get away, but the arms I used to fantasize about holding me close, tightened.

"Stop struggling. You don't want to fall and hurt yourself, do you?"

"For God's sake Edward, don't you think she can stand on her own?" For once I agreed with the blond bitch.

"Let me go." I croaked and attempted to pry his hands from me.

"No," he moved in close. His words were barely above a whisper as he breathed them into my ear. "Never again."

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><p><strong>Next up:<strong> The whole story comes out and Emmett loses his sheet!

Thank you for the support!

ruinedbyrob


	23. Chapter 23

As a thank you to all of you wonderful readers who reviewed with encouraging words and understanding regarding my busy schedule, I'm posting this chapter a bit earlier than I had originally anticipated. When you get to the end, please don't hate me. Just remember that I posted this out of love. :)

Many, many thanks to my amazing Beta, Mullet86. She took time out of preparations for her ten day cruise to correct my many mistakes and smooth out my wrinkles.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM, but these two messes are all mine.

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><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 23**

"_Let me go." I croaked and attempted to pry his hands from me. _

"_No," he moved in close. His words were barely above a whisper as he breathed them into my ear. "Never again."_

I was paralyzed.

Edward was holding me in his arms, something I'd wished would happen for what seemed like forever, but this was wrong, all wrong.

"Let me go." I whispered hoarsely, my throat suddenly dry. Partly from the delicious strawberry tasting drink that Derick had kept me supplied with all evening and my body's reaction to being in the arms of the boy that had destroyed me once and still held the power to do it again.

"No."

"Please." I pleaded.

"No."

The bright lights, loud music and constant chatter of our classmates all dimmed as he held me.

His words echoed in my head. Dare I believe that he meant them?

"Stumble B! Where are youuuuuuu?!" Emmett's loud and drunken question seemed to bounce off the walls of the large house.

"She's over here." Tanya waved him over to where I stood captive in Edward's arms.

Edward's arms tightened as the crowd around us shifted to reveal a fast, yet totally uncoordinated Emmett.

"There you is," he turned back towards the crowd, and waved a bare arm. "Guys! She's ova here!"

"I've been looking all over for you! Hey, you found Edward. Outta my way people. " I watched silently as he lumbered over to us, pushing half drunk people out of his way, tugging on his toga and balancing a new red cup as he moved through the crowd.

"B, are you choking?" Edward loosened his grip at Em's question. If I pushed hard, I might be able to break free, though there was a big part of me that didn't want to leave his embrace. That part of me was a glutton for punishment.

"She tripped over her stupid feet and Edward had to save her. As usual." I stiffened at Tanya's sneering comment.

"Shut up, Tanya."

"But Edward…"

"I said shut up!" Tanya's eyes grew wide at Edward's order and the surrounding shiny-haired lemmings became quiet.

"Bella, are you okay?" Jasper asked from behind Emmett's wide shoulders.

"She's fine, J."

"I didn't ask you, Edward." Jasper moved from around Emmett and came forward. "Let her go."

"Jasper, I'm not hurting her…"

"Hey look, Edward caught an elephant." Everything stopped at James's statement.

James and Felix sauntered through the crowd with various other senior classmates in tow.

"Edward, if we throw peanuts at her, will she dance?" Their laughter rang out. I felt Edward's body stiffen behind me.

"Shut the fuck up, Felix!" Emmett roared, taking a step towards James and his group.

Felix held up his hands in mock surrender. "Whoa, 'Big E'. I was just making a little joke."

"There's nothing 'little' about her." James added, laughing into his red cup.

"Are you two looking to die?" Suddenly, Emmett sounded sober. He threw his cup down, the amber liquid inside splashed out onto the beige carpet. Unconcerned about the mess he'd just made on Liam's floor, he advanced on them with clenched fists.

Jasper jumped in front of Em and put a hand on his chest, causing Emmett to stop his forward movement. "Em, if you fight they'll throw you off the team. Think about this. It's your last year to make a good impression on the college scouts." Emmett took a breath and nodded at my cousin. His body relaxed slightly at Jasper's words.

"But they called Stumble Bee an elephant." My face reddened in embarrassment. Em's statement was loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I know. But they're asshole jocks who know nothing about her. We should pity them. They don't know what they're missing by dismissing her like this." I almost choked up at my cousin's statement. In truth, if Edward's arms hadn't been around me, I'd fallen to the floor already.

"Pity us? You fucking pity us for not wanting to associate with a fat pig?"

"You call her that again and I'll fucking help Emmett kick your ass." Jasper yelled over his shoulder at Felix as he pushed on Emmett's heaving chest.

"Fuck you, Jasper!" Felix yelled.

James moved in front of Felix before he reached Jasper's back. "Calm the fuck down, Felix," He turned to address Emmett and Jasper. "For Christ sakes you guys are willing to fight over her? Sure, it's all kinds of Christian to be nice to the fucking leper in the room, but come on, she's an eye sore and the only reason to even associate with her would be for stellar blow jobs or if someone was paying you to be her friend. And since you both have steady girlfriends whom take care of all your BJ needs, I can only assume you're both being monetarily compensated for hanging around her, " he winked at Jasper and leaned in closer to him and smirked. "Unless you know, you're into the cousin lovin'"

"You fucking asshole!" It was Emmett who held back Jasper this time.

"No one uses her like that you dirty fucker and no one gets paid to be her friend." Emmett screamed, as he held onto my struggling cousin.

At their words, I felt Edward's arms loosen. We both knew what was coming.

I wanted Edward to get what was coming to him. I just didn't want my humiliation would be broadcast to everyone in Forks. And thanks to James, that's exactly what was about to happen.

"James, no. Please."

James ignored Edward's plea. "Oh, really? No one gets paid? Are you sure about that?" He smirked and nodded his head in our direction. I felt everyone's eyes on me and Edward.

"Edward already told us how your mother paid him to be her friend," Emmett's eyes narrowed and darkened as he absorbed what James was saying. "Who knows, if a new car was offered to me, I might pretend not to be disgusted by fat chicks myself." James spat.

All at once Emmett and Jasper converged on Edward. As soon as those hurtful and embarrassing words were out of James's mouth, Edward pushed me from behind into Rose's waiting arms, and whispered "I'm sorry" into my ear as Rose enveloped me.

"You told them that?!" Emmett roared. His eyes zeroed in on Edward.

Edward paled under his brother's scrutiny. Alice closed in tightly next to me and Rose.

"You liar!" Jasper yelled.

Edward stumbled back as Jasper moved forward. Tanya and the others that had been hanging around him slowly moved away as the two older boys moved menacingly towards him.

"You lying little shit! You were her best friend! She ran because of you!" Jasper screamed and reared back his fist. Edward braced for impact as the whole room took a collective breath.

As much as he'd hurt me, as much as what James had just said only made those wounds reopen and bleed for everyone to see, I didn't want Edward hurt.

Not like this.

"Jasper, no!" I screeched, but neither he nor Emmett paid me any attention.

"J, stop!" Emmett grabbed Jasper's arm just as it began moving quickly towards Edward's face.

"Let me go, Em!"

"No!"

The whole room went silent at Em's declaration.

"I'll deal with this." Emmet let go of Jasper's arm and as quickly as a toga wearing, two hundred and fifteen pound linebacker can move he grabbed Edward by the shirt collar, pulling him slightly off his feet. "You have a lot to answer for brother."

Edward made no attempts to stop his brother from manhandling him.

"Emmett, no!" I yelled.

"Rosie, get her out of here." Rose nodded quickly at her furious boyfriend. I struggled as she and Alice began pulling me out of the room. I looked over to Edward, our eyes met over the heads of our classmates. His eyes were calm as they seared into mine.

"Let me go," I demanded, pulling on their arms for my freedom. I tried to look back at Edward over my shoulder as the girls led me away. "He'll hurt him!"

"He deserves it." Rose sneered as we moved through the house. The screams of the girls and the noises of the boys fighting echoed behind us as we made our way unsteadily down the front stairs to Emmett's jeep.

I leaned up against the overgrown Tonka toy and cradled my aching head into my hands. I wanted to get back into the house and stop whatever was going on, but the emotional toll of what had already happened, coupled with the amount of alcohol I'd consumed had rendered me almost incapable of standing up straight.

"Here, Bella," Rose handed me a bottle of water as Alice pushed me into the back seat. "Drink the whole thing. You can thank me in the morning."

I moved silently into the jeep. The tears moved unchecked down my cheeks. Rose's declaration that Edward deserved what he was getting echoed in my aching head.

_Why?_ Why was I so upset that Jasper and Emmett were defending my honor? I wanted Edward to hurt. I wanted him to understand how much he hurt me, but more than anything else, I wanted him to tell me why he did it and I wanted to believe him.

"It's true isn't it?" I looked up at Alice's question. "He said that to those jerks and you heard him."

I nodded and turned to stare out the window. A slight mist had begun falling, and was coating the windows of the Jeep.

"What an asshole. I hope Emmett kicks his stupid twat associating ass!"

I tensed at her statement.

"Rose, stop." Alice's eyes darted from me to Rose.

"What? He's a total fucktwit. He deserves every bruise Emmett is going to give him." Rose uttered, unapologetically.

"I know but…well, it's upsetting Bella." Alice gave me a small smile and patted my leg.

"What the hell, Bella?," Rose's eyes flared as she stared at me in the rearview mirror. "You don't want him to pay for his crime? That's bullshit!" For as pretty as Rose was, her mouth was as dirty as some of the guys on Phil's team.

"I…um, I do want him to pay. But I never wanted them to fight." The tears that had been trickling down my face were now falling like boulders.

"Honey, don't worry. It'll be okay." Alice promised from the front seat.

Rose snorted but held in her opinion.

How could I make them understand what I was feeling when I wasn't sure I understood myself? I only knew that the thought of Jasper, Emmett or Edward being physically hurt because of me, caused me more pain than Edward's lies and tonight's humiliation.

Silence reigned in the car. Each of us lost in our thoughts as we finished the drive home.

After assuring the girls that I would be fine, they reluctantly left me at my aunt's house and went to their respective homes.

It was barely midnight. Our curfew was one am, yet Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark had already gone to bed. They'd left the hallway light on for us and I in turn left it on for Jasper, hoping that he wouldn't be far behind me.

In the warm and safe walls of my bathroom, I brushed my teeth and attempted to scrub all of the humiliation off my face. Afterwards I climbed into bed and resisted suffocating myself with my pillow.

My thoughts were as scattered as they bounced around in my head.

_Was Edward hurt? Had he hurt either Emmett or Jasper? Did he tell them everything? Did James tell them? _

_Did the bitch brigade hear everything? _

I pounded my pillow into submission as I struggled to find a comfortable position. It was no use; the events of the evening wouldn't quit their parade through my brain. At one-fifteen, there was a soft knock on my door. If I hadn't been tossing and turning in painful wakefulness, I'd have missed it.

"Bella, are you up?"

I turned towards Jasper, who was standing in my doorway. "Yeah."

He nodded and gently shut my door and moved to sit on the end of my bed.

I shifted and sat up. Jasper's body was facing away from me. Even with the moonlight shining on his face, I couldn't tell whether or not if he was damaged.

I was reaching out to touch him when he turned to me. "Why didn't you tell me?" My hand dropped to the bedspread as I pondered his question. There were of course many things I could say, I chose the truth.

"I was embarrassed," he nodded at my answer. "I didn't want to tell you what he'd said."

"Why did you push Em and me away when you _knew_ how much we cared for you?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Because talking to you guys brought back memories of him, of what he'd said and I couldn't take it."

I gasped as he turned to look at me, even in the dark I could see that there was a large bruise under his left eye.

"Oh, Jasper, I'm sor…"

"Save it," he snapped. "You were being selfish. You cut us out so you wouldn't hurt more, but all you did was throw us away. We were your friends, we loved you. You had no right to do that to _us_!"

"I know, I'm sorry." I sniffled as my eyes began leaking again.

Jasper let out a sigh and raked his hand across his face, wincing as he grazed his cheek. "Bella, tonight was the first time I ever physically fought another person. I fought for your honor. Not for my girlfriend or even my mom. I hit another person tonight and took punches for _you_! Do you finally understand what you mean to me? Emmett fought his own brother for you, don't you ever belittle our feelings for you again. Do you understand?" I nodded, swiping at the tears that were dripping off my chin.

"Good," he stood up and placed a kiss to the top of my head. "Do me a favor and run interference with my mom in the morning? I think I might need a little extra sleep."

"Of course," I answered shakily. "Is Emmett okay?" I wanted to ask about Edward too but I was afraid that after everything that had happened tonight he'd be angry if he thought that I was worrying about him. I didn't understand the concern myself, I couldn't expect Jasper to understand.

"Are you kidding? Emmett is built like a brick shithouse. There's hardly a scratch on him. As soon as he sleeps off the booze, he'll be fine."

Jasper began walking out the door only to stop at the doorway to speak to me over his shoulder. "You know it's funny, as the punches were being thrown everyone fought back except Edward. He just stood there and took it," he chuckled humorlessly. "It was almost as if he welcomed the pain. Like he was expecting it and knew he deserved every bit of what he got." Jasper was gone before I could ask any questions.

Suddenly the exhaustion of the night's events bore down on me and I was pulled under into its embrace. I was just about to float away into an oblivious sleep when my cell phone chirped with a text alert. My heart beat quickened as the R2-D2 tone rang out loudly in my quiet room. I hadn't heard the excited chirps and whistles of my favorite Star Wars character since last year, since I stopped communicating with Edward.

With a shaking hand, I swiped a finger across the screen and tapped the text tile. My heart clenched at what it said.

"_It was all a lie."_

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><p><em>Please, please, please<em> don't hate me. It had to happen like this in order to get this chapter posted now. Just remember, things are really happening now and we're getting close to the end. These two characters are so close to my heart, I hope I'm doing them justice.

Please keep the reviews coming, they really keep me motivated.

Love to you all,

ruinedbyrob


	24. Chapter 24

**Look! It's another chapter from me before Christmas! I credit this chapter to all of you guys. I read all of your wonderful reviews, and wanted to respond to all of them, but then I thought that you'd prefer a quicker update. Please know that even though I may not have responded personally, your words made my day and prompted me to write quicker. Thank you!**

**Much love to my beautiful Beta, Mullet86. Believe me, this would be a lot harder to read if she didn't go through every chapter with her little red pen.**

**SM still owns everything Twilight and I still don't! But I'm not bitter. Well, maybe just a little.**

**When you get to the bottom, please consider dropping me a line to let me know what you thought of the chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 24**

_Ouch! _My hands went immediately to the sides of my head. _Oh my God, the pain!_ Even the light pressure of my palms on my temples hurt.

I tried to sit up but fell back into the pillow moaning loudly with every movement.

_I will never drink again. _ I promised myself as a wave of nausea rolled through my whole body.

Forcing one eye open, I looked over to the clock. It was eight-thirty in the morning. I'd had nearly seven hours of fitful sleep, yet I felt as if I'd received none. I knew from experience that my aunt wouldn't allow us to sleep much longer. And since I'd promised Jasper that I would run interference for him, I hauled my weary body out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom.

Not even a hot shower was able to revive me. I looked like hell and felt even worse. My entire body hurt. Muscles I didn't know I had ached and throbbed with every movement, no matter how small. If this was the aftermath of drinking, I couldn't figure out why people did it willingly.

Of course the several hours of crying after reading Edward's text probably didn't help either.

I didn't even attempt to do a thing with my hair. Wet and uncombed is how I presented myself to my aunt and uncle.

"So, what do you think?" At the sounds of my arrival, Aunt Janet turned from where she was holding up paint samples to the kitchen wall for my uncle's approval.

"Good morning glory." The sun was so bright in the room I had to shield my eyes.

"What's wrong Bella?" Uncle Mark asked, watching me stumble around the all too bright room.

"Um, nothing. Just a headache." They exchanged knowing looks as I poured myself a large glass of orange juice and pondered whether today should be the day I start drinking coffee.

Aunt Janet set her paint samples down on the table, taking a seat and patting the one next to her for me. Knowing that there was no way out of this, I sat down.

"I'll let you two talk. And I'll get _you_ a couple of Tylenol." I smiled gratefully at my uncle.

I drank my juice slowly as my aunt sat quietly beside me. She may not have been making any noise but her eyes and facial expressions were speaking loud and clear.

"Did we have a little too much to drink last night?"

My eyes fell guiltily to the table.

"And is it something you think you're going to continue to do?" Her voice was much calmer than I'd anticipated.

"I don't ever want to drink again!" I exclaimed, laying my head down on the table and closing my eyes.

"Uh, huh. That's what we all said." She chuckled and patted my hand. "As the adult I'm going to give you the talk and then we'll discuss the repercussions. First, underage drinking is illegal. Any altercations you have with the law may follow you around for the next two years, but they'll also impact your father's standing in the community." I hadn't even considered how my actions would affect Charlie when I accepted that first drink from Derick.

"There's a reason the drinking age is twenty-one. People your age tend to make very bad decisions when it comes to alcohol. Drunk driving is not only illegal, but it's one of the most selfish acts a person can do. I won't bore you with the statistics or scare you with video but I will tell you that I've seen what happens when people take on things they're not mature enough to handle, it's not pretty and I don't want to see your or someone else's future negatively altered because of choices you made under the influence of alcohol or any mind altering substance."

_I was pretty sure she was talking about sex and teen pregnancy. So not a concern for me. Now, if she'd said that drinking leads to embarrassment, fighting and cryptic texts from people who broke your heart, I would have to agree. But she didn't, so I'm leaving all of that out._

"I will be telling your father what's happened. I'm sure there will be repercussions from him and I trust you will learn from them. Now, having said all of that, I won't lie and tell you that I was an angel at your age or that I didn't make mistakes, but I can assure you that Grandma and Grandpa Swan didn't allow me or your father to get off easy when we made those decisions. So, since you're in my house and got blasted under my watch, I'll be taking it upon myself to teach the lessons for now. Today you and my beloved son, who I assume is still in bed with his own headache, will be draining, scrubbing and preparing the pool for winter," She smiled and pushed back from the table. "I'll be headed upstairs to wake up my son and then you two can get started."

I loved that woman, but the evil smile she had on her face as she left to wake up Jasper, had me very scared.

"Bella," I rolled my head to the left towards Uncle Mark's voice, my head was still too heavy and sensitive to actually pick it up from the tabletop.

"Here's the Tylenol," he chuckled lightly and handed the two capsules. "I know that your aunt has already talked to you, but if you need any clarification or…"

"Mark! Get up here and look at what your son has done!" Uncle Mark visibly cringed at my aunt's demand.

He gave me a quick look. "Do you know what's going on?" I nodded.

"Is he okay?" I nodded again.

"It's not a tattoo is it?"

Despite the pain, I managed a weak smile and shook my head 'no'.

Relief crossed his face. "Thank God. A tattoo is at the top of your aunt's 'Over my dead body' list. Well, this is going to be fun." He said mockingly and left the room to handle the situation.

I finished my orange juice and willed the healing powers of those blue and red pills to work quickly.

I wondered how much of the pain in my head was due to the alcohol and how much was due to the text from Edward.

That text haunted me all night.

After everything he'd said, the feelings they'd provoked and how I'd changed because of what he'd said, those five small words were still able to turn me inside out.

_What had he meant? Did I want to know? Would it change anything? _

So many questions.

I had no answers.

"All I know is that we have to stop this behavior now." Aunt Janet sounded highly agitated as she and my uncle walked back into the room.

"Honey, calm down. Boys fight."

My aunt turned from her place on the counter and glared at her husband. "Not _my_ boy."

"Yes. Even _our_ boy." He replied evenly, walking over to her and laying a gentle hand onto her shoulder.

Aunt Janet sighed into her husband's shoulder before lifting her head to look at me. "Bella, do you know what happened?"

This was it. I knew that eventually I'd have to come clean to my family. After what happened last night, I owed them all more than just an explanation.

I opened my mouth to spill my guts, but stopped at Jasper's entrance into the kitchen.

"Mom, leave Bella out of it." My aunt sighed loudly and rubbed a heavy hand over her forehead at her son's words.

Jasper, looked, well, like hell. The bruise I'd gotten a glimpse of last night was much worse this morning and had spawned another one on his neck below his left ear. His knuckles were red with visible scrapes and scratches.

He gave me a little smile as he walked to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of juice and an apple, sparing a glance over at his parents, before sitting down in the chair next to me.

"Are you okay?" He asked then took a big bite of his apple.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

Jasper swallowed his bite of apple and wiped the juice off his chin, "I'm good. I think Alice is going to really dig the look." One eyebrow lifted at his words.

"Does Alice, like the bad boys?" I asked, playing along with him.

"She's definitely got a thing for bad boys." He grinned.

"Oh for the love of God," Aunt Janet exclaimed, her face red with anger. "Jasper Charles Hale, if you think fighting like a common thug is attractive you have a lot…"

"Honey, I got this." Uncle Mark patted his wife's arm reassuringly.

"Mark, our son was fighting…he physically hit another person and was hit! Look at his beautiful face!" Jasper rolled his eyes at his mother's exclamation.

"I know, baby," my uncle soothed calmly. "I'll have a talk with him man to man and get to the bottom of everything."

Jasper sighed next to me. "I won't tell him anything." He whispered.

His words, as kind and protective as their intent was, filled me with regret. I'd already caused more trouble to the people who loved me. I didn't want to add lying to my sins.

"No, it's okay. Tell him. I'll talk to your mom."

"Bella…"

I held my hand up, stopping him. "Really. It's time."

"You're sure?" I nodded, grateful for his concern but resolved to my course.

Jasper smiled at me and turned to his dad. "Let's go." He got up from the table and walked out of the room. With one more reassuring hug for his wife and a quick smile for me, Uncle Mark followed his son.

"So, I guess now that the _boys will be boys_ portion of my morning is over, you're ready to tell me what the hell is going on?" I was a tad shocked at my proper aunt's language.

"Yes."

"Okay, let me get a drink and then I want the whole story." I gathered my thoughts while she poured herself a giant cup of coffee, I was about to ask for a cup when I saw her go to the liquor cabinet and dump a healthy amount of what looked like chocolate milk into her cup.

"This," she said, while screwing back on the bottle of Kahlua and placing it back into the cabinet. "Is one of those moments when I'm very grateful for my age." She gave me a quick salute with her cup and took a long drink.

Her face was decidedly more relaxed after she lowered the cup. "Now, tell me everything."

"Oh, honey," my face was tucked comfortingly into my aunt's soft shoulder. "I understand why you didn't say anything but I wish you had. You shouldn't have had to deal with this by yourself."

She held me tightly for another moment before pushing me back to wipe the tears from my face with her thumbs. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. And I'm so disappointed in Edward. I have half a mind to call Esme and tell her."

"No. Please don't." I begged.

Her lips twisted into a frown for a moment. "You're right. It wouldn't do any good."

She got up from the table and walked back over to the coffee pot. Instead of getting a refill, she washed out her cup and turned the machine off.

After setting her cup into the sink, she turned and leaned heavily onto the counter. "I felt so badly for him when you left. That night, the night of the dance, he stood in our doorway all dressed up in his suit with flowers and had the nerve to look absolutely heartbroken. And the whole time you were upstairs dealing with his betrayal." Pain flashed through my body as I remembered that night.

"After you left, he'd come over here and mope around as if someone had run over his puppy. You know he used to cry to me?" I looked up at her words.

She nodded. "Yep, he'd sit right there at my table and cry over your absence. He'd tell me about how much pain he was in over your refusal to speak to him… how he didn't understand why you'd left him. And the whole damn time, it was his fault, his betrayal…I just don't understand."

Aunt Janet's voice grew soft. "I know he was legitimately hurting when you cut off contact. I _know_ he was. Bella, I just can't believe that he meant those words."

My head dropped at her statement. I could still hear his voice betray me to those jerks. I could still feel the heat on my face as James had stared up at me from the deck. Where Edward's words had cut deeply and began the hemorrhaging, James' knowing smirk had cut me right to my core. His face was forever seared into my mind as a witness to my humiliation.

"Bella, have you spoken to him?"

"No." At least not civilly.

"Do you think you should?" If she'd asked me this same question yesterday morning, the answer would've been hell no. But, after last night…the way he'd held me…the text…I was so confused.

"I don't know." I croaked.

She nodded and walked over to me. "I have one question, do you believe he meant what he said that night?"

_Did it matter whether I believed he meant it or not? He'd still made the comment and I'd still heard it. _

"I don't know."

"Sweetheart, I know you're hurt and confused. But I think you owe it to yourself to find out," Aunt Janet leaned in and kissed the top of my head. "Now, I'm going to go check on my son and then I expect the two of you to get started on the pool."

_What? She still expected us to do that?_

"Yes. I still expect you and your drinking buddy to pay for your crimes."

"After you spray the cushions with the cleansing solution, they have to be laid out flat to dry."

I gave Jasper a mock salute and set back to my task. We'd been working on our project for nearly three hours and I was once again promising myself I'd never drink again. This crime and punishment stuff sucked. Aunt Janet took pity on us about an hour ago and had treated us to a lunch break complete with take-out bacon cheeseburgers and baskets of fries. I had to admit that after eating the greasy food, my stomach and head had started to settle down.

"I'm going to go mix the stuff to scrub the pool with. Can you finish up the cushions?"

"Yeah, I'm almost done."

"Good. Scrubbing the pool won't take long and if we hurry, I might still be able to spend a little time with Alice before my war wounds heal." Jasper winked and set off for the kitchen, swinging his bucket and whistling.

_That kid was entirely too cheerful. _I thought as I continued my scrubbing. However the tune he'd been whistling was stuck in my head and before I knew it, Fitz and the Tantrum's, 'The Walker' was ringing out on the patio as loudly as my broken head would allow as I scrubbed the cushions.

"Bella." My hand stopped in midair at his voice.

"Bella, can we please talk?"

I put the scrub brush down onto the deck and leaned heavily on my knees. My position showed him an extremely unflattering angle of my butt. I didn't care.

"Bella…"

"Edward, what are you doing here?" Jasper had returned.

"J, please, I just want to talk to Bella."

"I think you've said enough about Bella." Jasper's voice was angry. I heard his bucket of pool cleaning solution hit the deck.

"I don't want to fight. Please, please just let me talk to her."

I wouldn't allow more people to be hurt because of me.

I got off my knees and turned to face them. Edward's back was to me. But I could see Jasper clearly; his hands were clenched into tight fists. Edward's stance was much less aggressive. Where my cousin's shoulders were tense and his breathing was rapid, Edward was hunched and looked resigned to another beating.

"Stop." I demanded as Jasper took a step towards Edward.

They both turned towards me.

"What?" Jasper's eyes were flashing with anger.

"Please. I don't want any more fighting." I begged.

Jasper's mouth opened up to say something, but I stopped him with one word. "Please."

"Fine," he turned his attention back to Edward. "I'm going to be right over there. So, you watch yourself." Edward nodded solemnly as Jasper grabbed his bucket and walked to the pool.

"Oh my God!" I couldn't help but gasp as Edward raised his head.

Both of his eyes were covered in large, dark purple bruises. His top lip was swollen and split, and it looked as if someone had taken a cheese grater to the left side of his face.

I pointed to his cheek. "That looks, um, really painful."

"It'll heal." He said solemnly.

"I'm still prettier than Emmett." He tried to smile, but ended up grimacing from the pain.

This boy hurt me, willfully. Yet, at the sight of him in physical pain made me hurt.

_I was so screwed up._

Since he'd asked to speak to me, I decided to wait for him to make the first move.

The sounds of the afternoon swirled around us as I waited. I contemplated going back to my scrubbing when he finally spoke.

"Can, we sit?" He pointed to the deck chairs behind us. Without a word, I turned and sat down.

As he sat down, I couldn't help but think about all of the other times we'd sat in these same chairs as friends.

Now we sat as…I wasn't sure what we were now.

"Bella," he started and then stopped to stretch out his long legs. "What happened, um, you weren't supposed to hear."

"No shit." I snorted.

Edward sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "What I said, I didn't mean it. It was stupid and I'm sorry." He looked up at me with hopeful eyes.

"Well, I guess that clears everything up. You _lied_ to me, you _broke_ my heart...But as long as you're _sorry, _I guess that's it." I brushed my hands together sarcastically and went to stand up.

"Wait," he reached out and put his hand on my arm.

I glanced angrily at where he was touching me. Last night against my best intentions, I relished his touch. Wanted his touch, but today, now, it wasn't the same.

"I'm sorry." Edward quickly removed his hand. "Please stay. Please." He pleaded.

I sat heavily back into my chair, crossing my arms over my chest and waited for him to say something that would make me understand.

Out of the corner of my eye I watched Edward fidget in the chair. He ran through all of his normal tells. In the past, I would've found his hair pulling and nose pinching endearing. Now, I just wanted him to get on with it.

"I just wanted them to like me." He muttered.

"I liked you." I reminded him, quietly.

"I know." He responded just as softly.

"You were my friend, my best friend and I blew it." I nodded silently in agreement.

Edward cleared his throat and started speaking in a rush. "All of my life I've wanted to be accepted. I wanted to be like Emmett, he's always been good at whatever he chose to do, ballet, football…it didn't matter, he always succeeded and always had tons of friends. I couldn't do anything right, I was always alone and I had no friends," he stopped and looked me straight in the eye. "Until you. You showed up and it was if someone flipped a switch and the world got brighter. And I'd finally found my own place in the world, I found acceptance, I found a friend."

Edward turned to look at me. His eyes shined a watery emerald green.

I hardened my heart against his admissions and unshed tears. He'd been the cause of too many of my own tears.

He swiped quickly at his eyes and continued. "Your friendship gave me something I'd always lacked, self-confidence."

I snorted at his words.

"I know what you're thinking. Like Emmett and Jasper, you're thinking that I'm a cocky asshole. Or like my parents, you're thinking that I'm allowing my hormones to override my brain and make bad decisions that will haunt me." He said the last bit in an imitation of his mother's voice.

"Once I became part of the baseball team, the guys acted as if I were important. They needed me. Everyone treated me like a celebrity. I went from Emmett's little nerd brother to the team star. Suddenly, the older guys wanted to talk with me instead of at me and the girls," he paused, biting his lip and giving me a sheepish look before proceeding. "Well, the girls suddenly noticed me. When we played on the road all of these strange girls would come up and talk to me and wanted to spend time with me! I was popular."

I turned my head and resisted the urge to vomit remembering what I'd heard about his time spent with those girls.

"Anyway, you knew what I was like before…"

"I do remember what you were like before," my voice was surprisingly strong as I cut him off. "You were happy, nice, funny, smart, and respectful. I always needed you. You were_ mine._"

"I meant you were my best friend." I tried to cover my out-loud admittance as Edward's eyes shot to mine.

"You're my best friend too." He said eagerly, leaning forward in his chair and pushing his body closer to mine.

"You mean I_ used_ to be your best friend. Because a best friend would never have said such a horrible lie about someone they cared about." I shot back as Edward's body deflated and sank back into his chair.

"Bella, I…"

"Just tell me why." I ordered, my voice flat and demanding.

Edward swallowed hard several times. I watched his Adam's apple, another new and improved part of his physicality, bob with his motion as he stared straight ahead.

"I wanted them to like me."

And there it was.

That six worded, scratchy voiced admission was what I'd been waiting all this time to hear.

"You wanted them to like you?!" I bolted from my chair and stood facing the boy I thought I loved. "You threw me away because you wanted them to _like _you? I _liked _you Edward. I _accepted_ you, I _cared_ about you,_ I loved you!_"

My chest rose furiously with my rapid breathing. I was probably close to hyperventilating but I was beyond caring.

"You love…"

"Shut up! My turn to speak." His lips closed tightly and his eyes widened at my harsh words.

"Who supported your decision to play baseball?"

"You did."

"Who went to your games?"

"You did."

"Who waited patiently all summer until you were done with practice and could spare an hour of your time with her?"

"You did."

"Who counted those paltry hours spent with you as the only moments in her day that meant anything?

"You?" He looked up at me through the impossibly long and dark fringe of his eye lashes. It was a sight that used to make my knees weak.

"And who went back to Phoenix, to endure another school year of being ignored by her mother and bullied daily by the popular kids with only the promise of a summer dance to keep her motivated to keep waking up every morning?" My voice was cracking with emotion and I could feel the tears begin to well in my eyes, but I'd come too far to stop now. "A dance that the most beautiful and perfect boy in her world promised to take her to, only to have her heart smashed into a million pieces when he confessed to a bunch of come-lately assholes that he'd been only pretending to care about her because he was being paid to do it? Who threw his best friend away because he wanted to be liked by a group of guys who think she's a disgusting fat pig?"

I felt the hot sting of tears drip down my cheeks as I ended my rant. I swiped at them, irritated that once again this boy had brought me to tears.

"Oh, Bella." He groaned hoarsely and put his head in his hands. I watched his wide shoulders shudder with his deep breaths.

The adrenaline rush was wearing off. My head was pounding again and I was tired. The exhaustion went all the way to my bones.

I didn't know what to do. I had nothing else to say. I wanted to go upstairs and lay down.

"Bella, I never thought that. _**Never!**_ You have to believe me." Edward cried, his glossy green eyes bored into mine.

I closed my eyes and once again hardened my heart against him.

"You can't really think that's how I feel about you. Please look at me. Please." I allowed him to grab my hand.

Edward's fingers closed tightly around my limp hand. "Please look at me. I don't want to lose you. I need you in my life."

Against my best interests, I raised my head to look him in the eyes.

Edward looked awful. Despite the tan he'd acquired over the summer, he looked pale and his normal bright and vibrant green eyes, looked dim and dull.

I could feel my body react involuntary to the sight in front of me. In spite of everything, he was still the most beautiful boy I'd ever seen.

"I've hurt you, more than I could ever have thought possible..." The words sounded so sincere, but I'd been here before. The baseball game from two summers ago flashed through my mind. In that clubhouse restaurant he'd held my hand and begged forgiveness for choosing Tanya over me. He'd promised that I meant the world to him and that his actions were only in reaction to the attention she'd been giving him. Over our lunch of ballpark junk food, he'd promised that I'd never be pushed aside in his life and I'd believed him.

"…But I know if you just give me a chance, I can make it up to you. I will never hurt you again!"

I didn't believe him anymore.

With Edward's promises still spilling from his mouth, I roughly pulled my hand from his.

"No. I can't take another chance on you. You've pushed me aside **twice**," I met his questioning look with determined eyes. "I won't let you into my heart again only to have you decide I'm not thin enough or pretty enough to be with you the next time the 'cool kids' make fun of me." I expected to have to hold back the tears, but surprisingly, they weren't there.

"Bella, no. That will never happen again. I promise!"

"I don't believe you." I pulled away from him and headed for the door into the house. I paused with my hand on the doorknob and turned to look at Edward. There were real tears rolling down his beautiful face.

"Good bye, Edward."

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><p><strong>Chant with me, "She believes in HEAs. She believes in HEAs." I already have it worked out in my head and I think it's pretty good. LOL!<strong>

**Thank you for reading!**

**ruinedbyrob**


	25. Chapter 25

**I'm going to do things a bit different for the next couple of chapters. We're going to hear from both sides. I'm not doing my job if I don't give you all a chance to look inside Edward's big brain and maybe change your minds about wanting to push him down an abandoned mine shaft. I've been this Bella, I know it's not easy to understand the boy's point of view. ** I'm just asking you to give him a chance. ****

**Hugs and kisses to my beta, Mullet86. This week she started a new job, moved into a new house AND still took the time to give this a once over.**

**SM owns Twilight. But I own a carved Halloween pumpkin that is rapidly decaying on my front porch. Pumpkin pie anyone?**

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><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 25**

"_I don't believe you." I pulled away from him and headed for the door into the house. I paused with my hand on the doorknob and turned to look at Edward. There were real tears rolling down his beautiful face._

"_Good bye, Edward." _

It's been three weeks since I'd left Edward sitting on my aunt's deck with tears dripping down his face. It had taken every ounce of strength I possessed to not turn around and forgive him. I didn't even make it up the stairs. Aunt Janet found me on the bottom of the staircase sobbing into my folded arms. Without a word, she took me gently by the shoulders, guided me to my room and tucked me into bed, leaving me with a kiss on the forehead.

I lay in bed the rest of the day alternating between hating myself for telling him good bye and hating him for making me do it. By Sunday morning I was exhausted physically from crying and emotionally from the knowledge that every dream I'd ever had of a happy ever after with Edward was never going to happen.

When Charlie came to pick me up that night, the look on his face told me that I looked as bad as I felt.

One solemn shake of his sister's head had stopped any questions he was about to utter and we drove home in blessed silence.

Monday morning arrived and brought with it a determination to survive the carnage that Edward's actions had wrought. In the meager early morning light, as I dressed for school, the strength that I'd shown on the deck slowly returned. I wasn't over him. Not even close. But I promised myself that one day soon, I would be.

As per our routine, Jasper picked me up for school and tortured me with corny country music. Though that first morning, I found myself indentifying with the over the top emotions so prevalent in that music.

The only reminders of what had happened a scant forty-eight hours earlier were already starting to fade from his face and knuckles.

Edward wasn't in Drivers Ed lab that morning. His absence allowed me to breathe easier as the intricacies of parallel parking were diagrammed on Mr. Birdie's white board. I even managed a smile or two at Derick's animated retelling of his Sunday afternoon. After helping Liam clean up from the party, he never mentioned the fight, he'd spent the rest of his weekend chasing after his new puppy, a Golden Labrador that he'd named Emmett. As he described 'Emmett-Two's' fondness for pooping in his puppy bed and eating dirty Kleenexes he'd stolen from waste baskets, I found myself thinking less about the friend I lost and more about the ones I'd gained.

"So, _**I **_said, 'If you spent as much energy working on your basket toss as you do on trying to sleep with the gym teacher, we wouldn't be having this conversation.' "

"Oh my God! What did she say then?" Alice asked.

"She just flipped me off and walked back into the school. Case closed." Rose finished her tale with a large bite of cheeseburger.

Without knowing Irina Mitchell personally, I had to take Rose's word for it that she was attempting to sleep with the gym teacher and that her basket tosses were 'sloppy'.

With Irina's attempt at over throwing Rose's rule of the varsity cheerleaders' squashed, our corner booth in diner fell silent. Neither girl had mentioned the weekend's events all day. Nor did they explain Emmett's absence from school.

As thrilled as I was to accept their invitation to dinner, their avoidance of the topic was killing me.

Finally the dam broke. "Rose, where was Emmett today?"

She and Alice shared a quick look before she daintily wiped the ketchup from her mouth and answered quickly. "He was home."

"Why?" Having pretty much broken down after I'd left Edward, I hadn't had a chance to check on Emmett.

Rose let out a heavy sigh. "He's been suspended for the week."

"What? Why?"

"Because he beat the shit out of his brother and about ten other guys."

"Oh." My shoulders slumped and I leaned back into the padded bench seat. I knew that the consequences of Friday night would be bad, but I'd hoped that they would leave my friends relatively unscathed.

"Jesus, Rose! Have you ever heard of tact?" Alice slid close and put her arm around me.

"Look, Bella, it wasn't your fault. Okay? Edward had it coming and Emmett took care of things."

"But what about football?" I remembered Jasper cautioning Em about fighting during the season.

"Oh, don't worry about that. Since the fight took place off campus no one's season will be affected. They all just have to spend the week home."

"They?"

"Yeah, Felix, James, Alec, Alistair…" She rattled of several more names of guys I didn't know.

I guess that explained why Edward hadn't been in Drivers Ed this morning.

"Jazzy got lucky. If Edward hadn't covered for him…"

"What? What do you mean, what did Edward do?"

Alice removed her arm at my harsh demand. "Well, when the cops showed up…"

"Wait! The cops were called?"

"If you'd let her finish a thought, you'd get your answers." Rose rolled her eyes at my impatience.

"Sorry." I muttered.

"No, it's okay. Um, well from what Jasper told me, Kate got scared and called the police when the fighting rolled out by the pool. I guess she was afraid someone would fall in and drown. The cops showed and everyone started to scatter. By then Emmett had James and Felix on the ground and Jazz was," she paused and looked at Rose, who gave her a slight nod. "Well, he was fighting Edward. Edward grabbed Jazz and threw him through an unlocked gate. Jasper tried to get back to help Emmett but Edward locked the gate and told him to go home and take care of you."

_Edward had saved Jasper? Why would Edward send him to take care of me? Why hadn't Charlie said anything?_

"Hey, it wasn't your fault." Alice assured me.

"Of course it was. If I hadn't gone to the party none of this would've happened."

"Nah, ah girlfriend, none of that. What happened needed to happen. Justice was served and those little shits got what was coming to them. Emmett doesn't regret a damn thing and neither should you." Her blue eyes bored into mine until I nodded. "Good. Now, let's talk about something much more fun. I hear you have a birthday coming up."

Over warm apple crisp and vanilla ice cream, it was decided that I would be celebrating my birthday this year and in Alice's words, "You will enjoy yourself or pay the consequences."

The next Monday, Emmett's suspension lifted and he returned to school. On his first day back, I ran to him in the cafeteria and gave him a big hug. I never even considered that the whole school would be watching. I just needed to let him know how much his sacrifice had meant to me.

"I missed you too Stumble B." His tight embrace spoke volumes to me. I wouldn't undervalue his feelings for me again.

Not a word was spoken about the green eyed boy who sat in the corner table. He wasn't alone. But there was a distinct change in the attitudes of his lunch partners, they seemed slightly detached from him. Or rather he was detached from them. Tanya, Lauren and the others were seated around him while he nodded appropriately during their conversation, the frown he wore never moved from his face.

I knew that seeing Edward at school would be an issue I'd have to deal with I understood that just because I'd walked away from our friendship, it didn't mean that I could pretend he didn't exist. Not only was Forks too small, but his influence on my past was too great.

I took every day one at a time and enjoyed the company of people who chose to be with me.

"Alice, I'm not so sure about this party."

"What? Eighteen is a milestone and you need to recognize it! "Alice admonished me and continued leafing through her current edition of 'Part Planning Monthly'.

"Alice, if balloon bouquets, mirror balls and ice sculptures aren't her thing then you should back off." I tried not to laugh at the glare Alice shot the clearly unaffected Rose.

"Alice, I will agree to dinner, a movie or two and cake. But that's it."

"But, Bella, that's not a celebration worthy of a milestone." Alice pouted.

I had a feeling that if left up to Alice, Saturday afternoons would be celebrated as milestones.

"Take it or leave it."

Her eyes narrowed as she thought over my offer. "Hmmm, I guess the theater room would have enough room for everyone."

"Whoa. Who is 'everyone'?"

"Just a few people from school."

"How many?"

"Ten?"

"No."

"Eight?"

"No."

Rose chuckled as Alice and I negotiated.

"Fine! Five people. Can we have five lousy students from Forks High School attend your pizza and movie bash in the Whitlock's basement?!"

I pretended to think over her offer. "You drive a hard bargain. Okay. I will allow five Forks High students to help me celebrate my birthday." Her eyes lit up and she practically shook with excitement. "But I get to pick the five people."

"Sure. Sure." She readily agreed, and grabbed her planning notebook and sparkly gel-pen. "Give me their names so I can get the invitations designed and printed. I can't believe I only have a week to get everything ready."

I almost felt badly for what I was about to do to her. "Are you ready?" She nodded.

"Okay, Emmett Cullen, Rosalie Hale, Jas…"

"What the hell, Bella?!" She demanded.

"You said five Forks High students. You, Emmett, Rose, Jasper and I are all Forks High students."

Rose erupted into laughter. "She's got you! Oh my God! Someone finally outwitted the 'Party Planning Fairy'! I have to tell Emmett." Rose grabbed her phone and started texting.

"Screw you, Rose!" Alice screamed, throwing a piece of red licorice in the blonde's direction.

"Bella, c'mon. That's not fair. You have to give me something. It's no fun planning a party for these people," she waved her hand at Rose. "Emmett eats peanut butter right out of a jar _with his finger_; Jasper will like anything I like, because that's who he is, Rose is a bitch and isn't impressed by anything." Alice threw herself onto my bed in an exasperated heap muttering something about cheap frozen pizza and ice cream cake.

"Hey! I'm not a bitch." Rose complained, looking up from her texting.

Alice turned over and gave Rose a withering look.

"Okay, maybe a little." Rose admitted, giggling slightly.

As funny as it was to watch Alice throw tantrum over a party I didn't want, I did feel slightly wrong for tricking her.

"Would it make things better if I let you invite one person?"

She rolled over and opened one big hazel eye. "Who?"

"My friend, Derick."

**~~EPOV~~**

"I need you to move your car." Emmett ordered from the doorway of my room.

"The keys are right there." I pointed to the corner of my desk and turned back to my history homework. My report comparing and contrasting the Bloody Sunday shootings in Ireland, of 1920 and 1972, wasn't due for another week, but I had nothing better to do, having already turned down Lauren's invitation to a party at her house.

"You need to move it. Now!"

"Jesus, Em! Why can't you do it?"

"Because it's not my fucking car! Move it or I'm going to run the little foreign piece of shit over with my truck." He sneered and walked away.

I let out a deep sigh and grabbed my keys. I slipped on my shoes and followed him down the stairs. It had been almost a month since our fight and he still wouldn't speak a civil word to me. I guess I couldn't really blame him. If I were him, I wouldn't speak to me either.

I was an asshole.

"Give her this and tell her Happy Birthday from your father and me." Mom handed Em a medium sized box wrapped in black paper with white polka dots. "Oh, tell her if she doesn't like it, we can easily exchange it for something else."

"Will do." He grabbed her box and another smaller box that was wrapped in what looked like last Sunday's comics, off the hall table. I guess Emmett hadn't turned down any party invitations for tonight.

"Hey!" I exclaimed as he pushed me into the doorframe on his way through. "That hurt you dick!"

"Oh yeah? Does it sting as much as having your best friend sell you out for a little bit of popularity?" He taunted.

I felt my fingers clench and jaw tighten in reaction to his words. I advanced on him, ready to add more scars to my face and hands. Emmett's eyes narrowed and his breathing picked up. I knew he'd be willing to accommodate my wish.

"Boys! That's enough!" My mother admonished both of us from the hallway. Emmett huffed in annoyance and went to his truck.

I turned to follow when mom's words stopped me. "He's still very upset over what you did."

I sighed heavily and stared at the floor. "Mom, I understand his anger, I just don't know why he thinks he has to keep reminding me. I won't ever forget what I did."

"Edward,_ I_ still can't believe that a child I raised would say those horrible things. I want to smack you myself when I think about what you did," she sighed. "You'll just have to deal with your brother's anger. You dug that hole, now you have to lie in it. But, I'll talk to him about the violence. I won't put up with anymore fighting."

"Yes, ma'm." I hung my head, remembering the disappointment and shock on her face when she learned what I'd done.

"Hurry up, Edward!" Emmett yelled out his passenger window.

"Emmett! Stop screaming. Bella won't be mad if you're a little late. It's her birthday _all day_."

_Today was Bella's birthday. _I clutched my side as pain ripped through me. _I forgot her birthday. How could I have forgotten something so important? _

"But mom, I still have to pick up Rose and Mauser." Emmett protested.

_Bella was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. _The pain in my side got worse.

"Settle down, you have plenty of time. Edward, are you okay?" I brushed off her comforting hand.

_I wasn't invited but that freckle –faced bag boy was? _

I reached around my bewildered mother, grabbing my letterman's jacket from the coat rack, and rushed down the stairs to my car. Ignoring the icy glare from Emmett, I started my car and reversed out of the driveway, leaving black tire marks in my wake.

I didn't particularly want to be around Lauren and the rest of them, but losing myself for a couple of hours in a crowd, sounded a hell of a lot better than sitting alone in my room thinking about what I'd lost and what others, mainly that melanin deficient sack-stuffer, had gained due to my despicable action.

**~~~BPOV~~~~**

"You are not seriously going to wear that?" I rolled my eyes as Alice proceeded to go through my closet _again_.

"Here, wear the skirt with this blouse and…" she crouched down to look at my shoes.

"No."

Her head swiveled around as if it were on a pole. "What? Why not?"

"Because this outfit is fine."

"Bella, jeans, a sweatshirt and loafers are not appropriate to wear for a first date."

"Maybe not, but they're more than appropriate to wear when you're attending a high school football game in October. Besides, this isn't a date." _Or was it? I wasn't sure._

Alice shot me one of her famous, _I have so much to teach you_ looks. "Did he ask you to go to the football game with him?"

"Well, it was more of a, _can I sit by you at the game_ kind of thing."

"Did you decide to go to the game based on the possibility of sitting with him?" I nodded. "And will he be going out for the customary after game pizza with all of us?" I nodded again.

"It's soooo a date." She sang and returned to rifling through my closet.

I dropped heavily down onto my bed, the springs croaking in protest. Did I want to date Derick? Sure I liked him and he'd been hanging out more with all of us since he came to my birthday party last month. Since Edward had opted out of Driver's Ed, it was now just the two of us sharing the class car. And I had to admit, I looked forward to Friday's because I got to start my day with one of his smiles.

_Oh God. It was a date. _I started hyperventilating and my palms started to sweat.

"Alice, what do I do?" I asked, panicking.

"You wear this." She smiled as a navy blue, low cut sweater hit me in the face.

**~~~EPOV~~~**

My prowess on the baseball mound had earned me a permanent spot at the top of the Forks High School social ladder, so I was never alone. Unless I wanted to be, which was becoming more and more of an inviting option as the school year dragged on.

Even though my brother would just as soon set my hair on fire as look at me, I still cheered for him every Friday night, sitting in the frigid cold surrounded by people I didn't like, and a few that I downright detested.

The stands were full tonight. All of us cheering loudly as our first place Forks Spartans trounced the visiting, Hoquiam Grizzlies to clinch the top position in the state playoffs. My parents were here somewhere. I couldn't see them, but I could hear the cow bell my mom shook incessantly to signal every blessed tackle or sack Emmett accomplished.

"You don't mind giving Kate and Irina a ride to the 'Shack' do ya, honey?" I rolled my eyes at the unwelcome endearment.

I shook off Tanya's hold on my arm. "I'm not your fucking 'honey'. Get off me."

Surprise and rejection flashed in her eyes. She recovered quickly with a laugh. "Uh, oh, someone needs a little sugar to sweeten his mood." Before I could move out of the way, she leaned in and planted her lips on my cheek in a loud kiss.

"Dammit, Tanya!" I pulled away and rubbed vigorously at the bright red lipstick mark I knew she'd left on my face.

The girls all laughed and went back to their stupid conversation.

"Trouble in paradise, Cullen?"

"Shut up, Tyler!" He and Alistair laughed at my obvious annoyance. Just as they and everyone else had since the 'incident' at Liam's. They all knew they had me over a barrel. I had no other friends and would have to endure their teasing about my reluctance to permanently attach myself to Tanya or any other girl in that crew, unless I decided to go the route of the loaner-weirdo guy who never left his room.

Again, an option that was starting to look fairly freaking inviting.

I would have to sit quietly and take their snide and cruel remarks about me being a chubby-chaser. _Fuck! I hated that term. _But they wouldn't go any further than taunts and insults; I was the lynchpin to their season. Despite the fact that my lie had been the catalyst to a great number of them being severely beaten by my brother, my arm was in fact golden and they all knew it. Without me, their hopes for college scholarships and looks from major league scouts would die.

They needed me to play, but they didn't have to like it.

And I didn't have to like them.

"_Thirty-three seconds to go in the fourth quarter and the Spartans lead the Grizzlies by three touchdowns. Folks, I think we can all agree that the unanimous player of the game is number seventy-seven, Emmett Cullen. He might just be the best defensive end in the state of Washington." _

The crowd erupted loudly as Em's name was called, as did my mother's cow bell. In spite of our differences of late, I smiled at my brother's good fortune. He'd worked really hard over the last two years and had become a powerhouse on the field. There was a lot of talk around town that Emmett would have his choice of colleges after graduation.

The final buzzer went off and the Spartans chalked up another win for the season. I zipped up my coat and fell in line with the rest of the crowd and proceeded down the stands and out to the parking lot. I didn't wait to see if Tanya and the rest of her crew were following behind me, I could hear their ridiculous chatter echo off the darkened lot.

As much as I loved my new car, at the moment I sincerely wished I was still depending on my mom for a ride. The embarrassment of needing a ride from my _mommy_ would have been more desirable than dealing with the chaos that was currently going on inside this car.

"Dammit, Tanya, don't touch the radio!" I quickly grabbed my iPod and changed the music from Taylor Swift back to Vampire Weekend.

"Jesus, Edward. What's the problem?" The geese in the back seat all giggled at Tanya's discomfort.

I ignored her question and kept my eyes on the road. She recovered quickly from the snub and went back to chattering with Kate and Irina.

I wasn't surprised that the parking lot at 'The Shack' was already full. Not only was it the only pizza place in Forks, but unless you wanted to spend the evening with the 'over 60 crowd' that tended to hang out at the diner, this was really your only choice.

I waited at the car long enough to make sure the girls got all of their shit out of my car. If I had my way, they'd be finding another way home. Once the car lock beeped, I turned and quickly made my way to the restaurant.

The place was packed. It looked as if the entire population of Forks High School was crammed into the small restaurant. I'd been coming here after home football games for the last two years as the confident, popular and yes, arrogant starting pitcher for the Spartans. I would walk through the door and the crowd would part like the Red Sea, clearing my path to one of the big corner booths. No matter when I arrived, everyone would shift around so I could sit on the right end. Had to protect my pitching arm, don't you know?

Tonight, the crowd still parted for me, but unlike previous visits to the Shack, I would've been happier to have blended into the mob. As we approached the big, corner booth, I could see Tyler, Demetri and Alec already sitting down with several pitchers of soda in front of them. I knew from experience that we could easily stuff another ten people around the table. The girls piled in and engaged the guys in conversation. I was grateful for the break from their benign chatter.

I took my customary seat with a head nod to the guys and grabbed a menu. I knew I was going to order my usual, a medium thin crust with sausage, mushrooms, black olives and extra cheese, but the menu gave me something to focus on besides the assholes I was with.

Actually, to be fair Tyler, Demetri and even Alec, had been halfway decent to me after the fight thing. In fact, with the exception of Felix and James, most of the guys had been mostly silent and dismissive of the whole thing. After my suspension was lifted and I returned to school, the guys took every chance they had to taunt me about my relationship with Bella. But one more black eye to Felix and a kidney punch to James was all it took to shut the worse of the insults off. Once they learned that I wasn't afraid of another suspension or damaging myself if they dared to even mention Bella, they left me alone. For the most part.

"Yo, Edward, your brother was a freaking animal tonight." Even though Emmett had beaten the crap out of nearly every one of these guys that awful night, the prospect of winning a football state championship had healed most of their wounds.

"Yeah, he was." Emmett had really beaten down the Grizzlies' quarterback. I wonder if he'd envisioned my face on number seven's body?

"I heard there were scouts from UDub and State in the stands. Has Emmett been approached by anyone?"

I shrugged my shoulders. Unless one of my parents decided to tell me, I was completely in the dark about my brother's post high school football career. Or anything about his life, really.

Alec picked up his glass of Mountain Dew and held it high over the table. "Let's hope that the upcoming baseball season earns us all our own looks from the scouts." We all clinked glasses at his words. Despite everything, we were a team and would have to function as one if we wanted a successful season.

I was halfway through my pizza when my already sour mood was made worse.

"Never fear, the party may now begin." Felix's arrogant voice carried across the crowded room.

Having lost my appetite at their arrival, I threw the remainder of my slice into the greasy plate and slouched back into the weather beaten booth.

"Hey, hey, hey. It looks like the gang's all here." Felix and his date, a dark haired girl I didn't know, edged into the booth opposite of where I was sitting. They were closely followed by a silent James, who was with a red haired girl. Also someone I didn't know.

James sat directly opposite of me, the girl was perched on his knee, halfway into the aisle.

"Guys, allow me to introduce Leah and Vicki. They're sophomores at Peninsula College." James introduced the two girls.

The guys all looked duly impressed that he and Felix had snagged college girls, albeit community college girls, while Tanya and her crew all looked predictably jealous that these 'outsiders' had infiltrated their group.

Felix wasted no time and began poaching slices of pizza off everyone's trays. Every tray but mine. He hated mushrooms, which was why I'd begun ordering an extra helping.

"Damn Cullen, you have the fucking worst taste in pizza!" He exclaimed, making a face at my left over slices.

"I'll eat it." The red head answered loudly through her giant red lips.

"Vicki, I bet if you asked Cullen nicely, he'd let you have some." James crooned into the girl's ear.

She smiled seductively and slid off his lap and slinked over to me.

The strong stench of her perfume made my eyes water.

"So, what do I have to do to get a bite of your slice?" I cringed as she breathed her question into my ear. She leaned in closer and pushed her boobs into my arm.

"Just take it." Answered quickly, pushing my tray over to her.

"Are you sure I can't give you something back?"

"Fuck!" I exclaimed as her hand palmed my crotch.

"Okay. When?"

"Get off me!" Her eyes widened in surprise as I pushed her hand off my dick in disgust.

The whole table silenced as she slid back onto James' lap.

"I guess you were right about his tastes in women." She whispered loudly to James, while taking a huge bite of my pizza. Every one chuckled, though Felix and James were the loudest. Felix laughed so loudly, he started to choke. Tyler had to beat him several times on the back to dislodge the bite of stolen pizza.

"Screw you!" I threw down my napkin, grabbing my soda and crunching the ice loudly in irritation. Dr. Good was going to be so pissed at my next dental check-up.

"Aww, don't get your panties in a knot. There's your girl now." James leaned across the red head and pointed across the room.

I wouldn't put it past James to lie. Yet, I found myself glancing towards the door.

I saw Emmett walking through the crowd with Rosalie at his side. Everyone was patting him on the back in congratulations as he walked past.

I could make out Jasper and Alice as they followed a gleaming Emmett and Rose through the crowd to a table. But I couldn't see Bella.

I was just about to call James a freaking liar when I recognized a laugh that always brought a smile to my face.

My head swiveled back to the entrance.

I hardly recognized her.

Her long, shiny hair was pulled up into one of those high-tail things that girls like. I always thought her hair was prettiest when it was down, all loose and flowing. Especially, when we were outside where the sun would highlight all of the deep warm colors that resided within its depths.

She must've been cold because her skin was shining and there was a red tint to her cheeks. She was only wearing a thin blue sweater and jeans. My Bella always had a coat handy to cover up with.

I grabbed my warm jacket and started towards her.

I was three feet from her when I saw him.

Bella turned towards the table where Emmett and the rest of them were waiting.

He was behind her; his freckle-covered hand was on the small of her back, as if he were pushing her out of his way. My blood began to boil at the thought of someone pushing her. _She'd been through enough! _

I went to knock his hand away when she suddenly turned and laughed at something Derick said. I watched her slap at his arm playfully and then took a seat next to him at the table.

My brain churned with the facts I'd just witnessed.

_She'd walked in with him._

_She was laughing at something he'd said._

_She didn't even notice me._

My hand clenched around the collar of my jacket as I plowed through the rest of the crowd and out the door.

As luck would have it, my car was parked right in front of the damn window where they were all sitting. I could see their smiles and practically hear their laughter as I got into my car.

As much as I wanted to leave, I sat there staring at the group, the group that I used to be a part of.

A group that I would still be part of if I wasn't such an asshole.

Amidst all of their merriment, Alice's eyes caught mine through the smudged glass. Her wide smile disappeared as she stared at me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take the looks of hate and disgust on their faces.

Even if I deserved them.

I started up my car and pulled out of the parking lot kicking up a light sprinkling of gravel in my haste.

**~~~APOV~~~**

"What are you staring at, muffin." I loved it when Jasper used endearments.

"I just saw Edward."

"He was leaving, I hope."

"Yes, but…"

"But what?"

"He looked _really_ sad."

"Don't you think if anyone deserves to feel sad it's that jerk?" My usually sweet Jasper scoffed.

"No one deserves to feel that sad."

* * *

><p>Okay, I'm ready. Hit me with your thoughts.<p>

Thank-you so much for reading!

ruinedbyrob


	26. Chapter 26

I want to thank all of you for the wonderful reception the last chapter received. I read every review and with the exception of the guest reviewer, who without fail leaves me the obligatory death threat,(bless your heart for being so willing to add to my review count) every word warmed my heart and brought a smile to my face. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're enjoying my story. Thank you!

One of the guest reviews asked for a recap on the character's ages:

Bella- 18

Edward-17 He's a year younger than everyone else. Remember that due to his intelligence, he was moved up a year in school.

Jasper-18

Emmett-19 The Great Ballet Incident of 2001 (chapter 4) caused Emmett to miss a year of school.

Much love to my beta, Mullet86, for looking things over and never calling me an idiot for my punctuation fails. Word to the wise, I tweaked this chapter a bit after she sent it back to me. All errors are mine.

Disclaimer: SM owns the original, but this story is mine!

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

Chapter 26

"I don't know about this…" My voice trailed off as I looked into the mirror. The dark blue dress that Alice had picked out was a bit clingy for my tastes.

"Are you nuts? You look stunning," Alice walked up and handed me a pair of muted silver heels. "Here, these will look make your legs look fantastic."

"Heels? Are you nuts?" I shake my head and moved away from the clearly insane girl.

Alice sighed in frustration at my display. "Will you stop being a baby about this? Look, it's a low heel, a toddler could walk in these things." She gently placed the offensive shoes on the dressing room bench.

"First, a toddler could NOT walk in those things and yours and my definition of a low heel differ greatly."

Her eyes narrowed and her lips twitched. I was instantly on alert. "If I can find you a lower heel will you consider wearing them?"

"Maybe..."

"Great! Here." She produced another pair of heels from behind her tiny back and ran out of the small room.

_Dammit! _

"Bella! We're waiting!" I could practically hear the stomping of her size five feet. My shoulders slumped in acceptance. I slipped on the shoes and walked slowly out of the curtained doorway.

"See, Rose? Didn't I tell you the blue would be better than the peach?" Rose rolled her eyes at our over-excited friend.

"Yes, oh wise one. I bow down to your superior fashion taste." I laughed as Rose bowed deeply.

"You know, I don't think you really mean that." Alice's eyebrow hitched.

Rose grinned and shrugged her shoulders, all but confirming Alice's suspicions.

"Guys, I don't think I can do this." My head fell forward as I remembered the disaster that was my last attempt at attending a dance in Forks. I would have no place to run this time. Renee and Phil were still in Italy.

I felt comforting hands on my shoulders as Alice and Rose came to stand on either side of me.

"I know, what happened was awful. But this won't be like last time." Alice promised.

"How can you be sure?"

Alice turned me away from the mirror and lifted my chin so I could meet her eyes. "Because you'll be with all of us and we're going to have tons of fun..."

"And Emmett will continue the ass kicking he started in September, if Edward so much as farts in your direction." I'm sure Rose's comment was meant to lighten my mood, but I winced at his name. The pain was dulling, but it was still there. And I hated that the relations between the two boys were so strained because of me.

In the end, Alice got her way and in my bright red Macy's bag resided the silver heels and the dark blue dress. I would be wearing the aforementioned items at the Forks High School Winter dance. That's if I survived my upcoming finals and driver's test.

"I think we all deserve a treat." Alice exclaimed, dragging Rose and me in the direction of the Cinnabon stand.

"Oh my God! These things are better than sex!" I giggled as Rose's eyes rolled back into her head. She was practically inhaling her cinnamon bun.

"Rose!" Alice admonished. "There are children here." It was only a week until Christmas and the mall was full of families hustling from store to store in search of just the right gift.

"Oh please. You tell me that just the smell of these decadent buns of sweet bliss doesn't make your thighs clench and your panties…"

"Stop!" Alice clapped her hand over Rose's mouth.

Rose pushed Alice's hand off and went back to devouring her treat.

"So, Bella, do you want to give your opinion?"

"Huh?"

"Are these better than sex?" I choked on my bite of bun.

"Rose, are you trying to kill her?" Alice smacked me on the back and handed me her glass of water.

"C'mon Bella, spill your guts. Is it true what they say about redheads?" I spat my water out onto the table.

"I give up." Alice exclaimed, throwing up her hands and slumping into her chair.

"Ignore her. Is Derick a good kisser?" Rose's eyebrows arched, as she licked the sweet icing off her fingers.

"You don't have to tell her a damn thing, Bella." Alice promised.

"Um, I don't know. We've um, we've never kissed." I pushed the rest of my bun away and began fiddling with my paper napkin.

"What the hell, Bella? You guys have been dating for over a month. Is he studying to be a monk or something?"

I shrugged at Rose's question. My relationship with Derick was so confusing. I knew we were friends. We enjoyed the same movies, music…I introduced him to comic books and he introduced me to Settlers of Catan.

Was he my friend? Yes. Definitely.

Occasionally we held hands and I always looked forward to spending time with him. We sat together at lunch, we studied together and he was well liked by the rest of the gang.

But was he my boyfriend? No. I didn't think so. It was complicated.

"Bella, it's okay. Everyone moves at their own pace. The worst thing you can do is allow yourself to be pushed into something you're not ready for. Slow is good."

"Bullshit. Don't let yourself be pushed, Ali, is right on that account. But c'mon, have a little fun, girlfriend. What's holding you back? " Leave it to Rose to cut to the chase.

Her question was valid. What _was_ holding me back?

**~~~EPOV~~~**

"I think we'll give all of the cousins gift cards. That'll be okay, right?" I shrugged at mom's question and readjusted the three thousand bags I was lugging through the Port Angeles Mall.

"I'll get the boys Sports Authority certificates and the girls cards from Victoria's Secrets. Wait, is that an appropriate gift? Kayla is only ten years old. Does she even wear a bra?"

_That's it!_ "Mom, for the love of all that's holy! Can we not talk about whether or not my little cousin has boobs?" I repressed the urge to vomit.

"Aww, c'mon. We're almost done."

"Almost? _Almost?! _We've been in this collection of horrors for six hours! My back hurts, I think I'm dehydrated, my feet are swollen and you haven't let me stop for a snack since lunch over three hours ago!" I threw myself onto the nearest bench.

"Dramatic much, Edward? Fine, you sit here like an old woman and I'll run into _Vicki's_ for the cards. You know, when you offered to help with the shopping, I thought you'd be more fun." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked away towards the brightly lit pink and even pinker store.

Now I understood why my father had looked as if he'd won the lottery this morning when I said I'd go with mom. He could have given me a little warning about what I was getting into before he'd run off like a three year old at _Lego Land_ to watch football with Emmett. Not that I blamed him. I would've escaped too if given the chance.

Judging from the previous afternoon's events, I had at least thirty minutes to relax before mom made it back to my bench. I rearranged the bags so I could stretch my legs and settled in to people watch.

The incessant droning of Christmas music had nearly lulled me into a coma when I saw them.

They came around the corner of the food court swinging their bags as they window shopped.

I had to smile. She looked so happy, strolling through the mall with Alice and Rosalie. Even though I'd ruined our friendship, I was grateful that she'd found a few friends here in Forks. I knew how hard it was for her in Phoenix.

As they got closer, I put on my baseball cap and huddled into the mountain of bags like a stalker hiding from his victim in the bushes. In a way, that's what I was, a stalker.

After I'd opted out of Drivers Ed, I'd pretty much given up my only chance to see her. Seeing her now only made me regret my decision to beg my parents to allow me to skip the class and just take the driving test. I told them and myself I was doing it for her. I knew my presence made her nervous in class; though I will admit most if it was me pushing her buttons to get her to talk to me.

The smile that had been on her face vanished as Alice and Rose began pulling her towards a trendy clothes store. I watched as she vehemently shook her head at whatever Al and Rose were saying. They finally gave up and entered the store without her.

I continued to watch her from my bench, as she strolled through the crowd.

Finally, she came to a stop in front of a store window. The giant cutout of Batman and other superheroes was easily recognizable as the comic book store, Mayhem.

Mayhem was mecca for comic book aficionados like Bella and me.

The smile returned to her face as she peered into the brightly lit window. Having spent twenty minutes of today lingering in front of the same window, I knew what she was likely smiling about.

They were showcasing a rare series of Batman comics. The much sought after, "The Last Arkham" Batman: Shadow of the Bat, series. They had book number two and three. I know this because I was the owner of books one and four after inheriting them from my grandfather three years ago. They were in amazing condition and I'd already plunked down a hefty deposit for the other two books to complete my collection. I would hopefully be making the last payment as soon as I was able to access my trust fund in June.

By the time my grandfather's estate was finally settled, Bella had already run back to Phoenix. I couldn't wait to share my comic books with her. I'd waited and waited for her to come back, only to be cut out of her life instead. Watching her stare longingly at the window display of my favorite store renewed my desire to share my treasured books with her.

My only problem was that she hated me. For a moment, I thought about getting up and going over to talk to her. Surely she wouldn't ignore me in a mall?

Of course she would. And I wouldn't blame her.

_Still…_

"Hey, aren't you that pitcher from Forks?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sudden voice beside me. The little dude was ninja quiet.

"Geez, kid, you scared the crap out of me!" He shrugged his small shoulders and continued to stare at me through wide blue eyes.

"What?" I demanded. The staring was getting kind of weird.

"Are you that guy?"

"What guy?"

He pointed to my Forks baseball cap. "Pitcher dude for the Spartans."

_Pitcher dude?_

"Um, yeah, I guess I am."

"I watched you play all summer. My dad even took me to watch you play in the state tournament. You were awesome!"

"Thanks, man."

"Sure, sure. I'm a pitcher myself," he stuck his chest out a little at his boast. "Only they limit the number of throws and types of pitches I can throw in a game. It sucks!" I chuckled as he slumped dejectedly onto the bench.

I had to hold in my laughter as he stuck out his lips in a pout. He looked like Donald Duck with his lips all pushed out like a duck's bill.

"Hey, can you teach me to throw a split-finger fastball?" A scuffed up baseball suddenly appeared in my face.

"Here? Now?" I asked, pushing the ball and the scrawny arm holding it, out of my face.

"Well, there's space over by the hallway." My eyes followed his finger as he pointed across the busy mall.

Bella was still standing in front of Mayhem. If I hurried, I might be able to at least say "Hi" before she kicked me in the nuts and left me screaming on the floor.

_Worth it._

"Hey, do you think you could sit here and watch my bags for a minute?"

His face scrunched up, making the freckles that speckled his face stand out. He closed one eye and tapped his bottom lip in concentration. "What will you give me?" He finally asked.

_Give him? _

"You can't just do me a favor?" _C'mon little dude, I only need a minute._ I watched as Bella began checking her phone.

"I'll do it, _**if**_ you show me how to throw a split-finger fastball _**and**_ a curve ball."

_What the hell? Was this a kid or a mini extortionist in a chocolate stained t-shirt?_

"Fine, fine. Whatever." I absently promised, getting up from the bench.

"_Wait!_ We have to shake on it." Now his shirt made sense. The hand he held out had chocolate and what looked like waffle cone bits stuck to it.

I pushed back the _ick factor_ and shook his grubby little hand, and immediately began rubbing any residue onto my jeans. _Yuck! _

"_**Ha!**_ Now you _have to_ help me. It's a done deal. Geez, you have a lot of bags. My mom always comes home from the mall with lots of bags. Are you sure you're not part girl." I rolled my eyes at the little conniver.

"I'm not a girl! These are my mom's bags." Why was I defending my manhood to this kid when my best, _ex-best _friend, geez, that concept was hard to take, was standing not two hundred feet from me? I had more important things to worry about.

He shrugged in response and leaned back onto the bench with an annoying smirk on his face.

I gave up on him and turned towards Bella. I'd made it maybe twenty feet when Rose and Alice came barreling out of _Lulu's_. Their presence stopped me dead in my tracks.

They strolled right over to Bella, pulling her away from the comic book store and down the hallway.

My chance to speak with Bella was gone.

Disappointed, I turned back towards the kid.

"Hey, stop that." I yelled as he lifted his grungy little face out of one of the bags from Macy's.

"Dude, there's colored boxers in here!" I wrenched the Macy's bag away from him and plopped back down onto the bench.

"Didn't your mom ever teach you it's not polite to go through other people's things?"

"Hey, _you_ left _me _in charge of this stuff. If you'd never made it back, all of this would be _mine_. Girlie undies and all."

_Who was this kid?_

"So, when do we start our lessons? I'm pretty busy right now, you know, with Christmas coming up. And I have to be home every night by six for dinner, no exceptions."

"Lessons?"

"Uh, _yeah_, we shook on it. I think I might also want to work on my fastball. Maybe you could also teach some of my friends? Mom will probably make you also coach my older brother, Max." He said his brother's name the way I used to say Emmett's name, with a mixture of disdain and embarrassment.

"Kid, I don't think…"

"Edward, who is your friend." Several glossy pink bags landed at my feet.

"Hello, Mrs. Cullen. My name is Alexander Noah Smalling, but you can call me Alex." He stuck out his hand to my mom.

"I'm pleased to meet you, Alex." How mom resisted the urge to disinfect her hand after touching the little gangster was beyond me.

"I've just been sitting here keeping Edward, company while he was girl watchin'." He winked and leaned over to nudge me in the side with his bony elbow.

_Who was this kid? _

"How kind of you, Alex." The kid, Alex, beamed at mom's praise.

Bella wasn't just some girl. "I wasn't girl watching." I protested, glaring at the smirking Alex. Mom ignored me and began going over her Christmas list.

"Edward, I think we're finally done," she tucked the list and her pen into her purse.

"How does burgers at _Red Robin_ sound for dinner?"

_Never ending fries and stacks of succulent beef patties cooked to perfection?_ _**I'm in!**_

I jumped up off the bench and began gathering the bags for the trek to the car.

I was already on the move when I heard mom address the kid.

"Alex, where is your mom? I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone."

"She took my brother over to the shoe store," he pointed to the _Foot Locker_. "He has _ginormous_ feet. We have to special order them." Mom and I both chuckled and nodded our heads in understanding. Mom had been special ordering Emmett's shoes since he was twelve years old.

"Well, then we'll sit here and wait with you." I groaned and assumed my previous position on the bench. My Black Pepper Pub burger and overflowing basket of sweet potato fries were on hold.

"Thank you Mrs. Cullen." He smiled at her and scooted closer to me, making room on the bench for her. This kid was sickeningly polite.

"They shouldn't be long. And then Edward and I can exchange contact information."

"Um, why are we exchanging information?"

"So we can set up our coaching schedule. _Duh_." He shook his head at me as if I was a complete moron.

Time to nip this in the bud. "Look, Alex, there's not going to be…"

"What coaching schedule, honey?" Alex perked up and turned towards my mom.

"Edward promised to coach me and my friends on pitching. Our team could really use the help, especially from the best pitcher on the whole Western seaboard."

_Laying it on a little thick there kid. _

"Hey, I didn't really mean I would coach…"

"Edward, what a wonderful idea. Coaching would look great on your college applications and let's be honest, you could use the distraction after the whole Bella thing."

_Okay, I wasn't ready for that to be brought up._

"But mom," I'm not going to lie; there was a definite whine to my voice. "I have my own training schedule and what about my school work? You wouldn't want my grades to suffer this close to graduation." _Take that kid!_ No way would _any _mom be okay with taking time away from schoolwork.

"_Please_, you and I both know that your schoolwork isn't going to suffer. And I'm sure we can manage to find a little time in your week to help out the next generation of Spartan baseball." The kid's face shone as if he'd just won the lottery and was being paid out in candy and video games.

"Excellent." _Holy crap!_ The kid sounded like one of those old time movie villains with the curly moustaches and evil laugh.

I scooted a bit away from the kid. "Um, mom, I don't think this is a good…"

"Mom! Over here!" _The kid_ jumped up suddenly and waved wildly to a petite, dark haired woman and what I think was a kid, though he looked more like a tall, skinny, kid-like creature.

Mom stood up and tucked her Christmas list into her purse while smoothing down her hair, waiting for _The kid's_ mom to get to us.

_The kid_ started hopping around on one foot excitedly as his mother and brother made their way through the crowd to our bench.

"Mom, look! It's Edward Cullen." He pointed excitedly in my direction.

Alex's, mom smiled. "I see him, sweetheart." She put a hand on his shoulder to stop his dancing. "I hope you haven't been bothering him."

"Nope. I did him a favor. And now _he owes me_." _The kid's_ eyes sparkled with his declaration.

"Hi, I'm Esme Cullen. It's lovely to meet you." My mom and Alex's mom shook hands.

"I'm Julie Smalling, I see you've already met Alex. This is my other son, Max." She motioned to the kid standing next to her.

He raised a giant hand and muttered _"Hey"_ through his extensive orthodontics.

"Mom, Edward needs our contact information so we can set up a coaching schedule." The kid spewed out at light speed.

"He needs what? For what?" The kid's mom asked quizzically.

My mom laughed and turned to Julie, "Allow me to translate." The two moms' moved away from us to talk, leaving me alone with The Kid and his brother.

"So, this is Max." Alex pointed to his brother. I nodded in response as the two brothers side-eyed each other. It was a look I was quite familiar with.

As the two boys gave each other the stink-eye, I took a moment to get a good look at them. Alexwas almost the opposite in appearance to his brother. Where _The Kid_ was dark headed and had a light tan complexion, his brother was red headed and had the skin tone of Casper the Ghost. He was also taller than Alex. From my six foot-two frame, I'd guess him at somewhere around five-six, five eight. He was easily three to four inches taller than Alex and his mother. Both boys had blue eyes, though Max's stood out brightly against his pale coloring.

I felt a small kinship with Max. I had spent time as the red-headed, pale, gangly kid. From their mother's appearance, I deduced that Max took after their father.

For the first time since the little dude appeared at my side, he wasn't talking a mile a minute. I wondered if maybe he was broken.

As the oldest, I decided it was up to me to break the uncomfortable silence.

"So, Max, what position do you play?"

"Everything." He grunted.

_Well, that was helpful._

"Kid, I mean Alex, do you only pitch?"

"No. I also catch and play short-stop. In fact, I'm probably the best catcher in the whole league." Little dude was not lacking in self-esteem.

"You are not!" Max blurted out, his voice cracking a little as he denied his brother's claim.

"Am too!" _Uh, oh_.

"I'm just as good at catcher as you are and _I know_ I'm a better pitcher, PLUS, I play first base. You're not good enough to handle that position!" Max taunted and wiped the drool off of his chin with a sly grin.

_Oh, shit._ Little dude's left eye started to twitch and his hands balled up into fists.

If these two decided to throw down here in the mall, I didn't want it to be on my watch.

I glanced over to the moms for help. They were completely oblivious to the death glares the boys were throwing at each other, as they checked each other's phones. My heart sank when I realized they were probably going over schedules.

"You take that back Max!" _The kid_ ordered, advancing a few steps towards his brother.

Max straightened up, took a step forward and loomed over his brother. "What? You can't handle the truth?"

"Take that back Max!" Alex ordered.

"Make me, shorty!" Max practically snarled. I swear the drool was dripping out of his mouth like venom.

_Oh God!_ This was really happening. These two little animals were going to fight right here in the mall. Right here with me in the middle of it all. I felt light headed.

The Christmas lights twinkled and the holiday tunes buzzed around us as I stood witness to a _Saturday Smackdown _between the two brothers. Brothers, who, if my mother had any say in it, would be soon taking up all of my free time.

I had to do something to stop the upcoming brawl.

"Guys," I stepped in between them. "Stop!" Surprisingly, both boys' heads snapped up at my command. "Look, I'm sure you're both great players, we don't need to fight it out here in the middle of the mall." Max's light blue eyes narrowed and Alex pursed his lips together in restrained anger, but they both took a step back. _Thank God._ I didn't know what I would do if they actually started to fight.

"Boys! What's going on?" I felt my whole body relax as their mother came rushing back.

"I raised you both better than to come to blows in public. Alex, you've just lost video games for a week." The kid's eyes went wide and I swear his bottom lip started to tremble.

"Max, you've lost your phone and no camp-out this weekend." She handed out their punishment like a practiced veteran. Both boys groaned loudly after hearing their sentences.

"But mom, Max started it…" Alex's argument was shut down with one icy look. The older boy remained quiet but the look on his face clearly stated that he and his little brother would be continuing this conversation later.

"I'm so sorry, Esme…"

Mom held up her hand and stopped her. "Please, remember I have two boys. This behavior is nothing new to me." Mom promised Mrs. Smalling, patting her arm in reassurance.

The two moms shared a look of understanding.

"Boys, thank Mrs. Cullen and Edward for spending time with you today. Grab our bags, it's time I got you two animals home."

Both boys immediately grabbed her bags and turned to my mom, thanking her with sincere smiles plastered all over their faces. The change in their demeanor was startling. They'd gone from snarling, rabid animals to little angels in seconds.

I was so confused.

"Edward, thank you for watching them," she leaned a little closer, lowering her voice. "And thank you for stepping in, you know, before things got worse. I knew they'd listen to you. You're a hero to them, especially Alex." She leaned back and put an arm around the kid. "Alex, thank Edward for consenting to coach you."

_Consent?_ There was nothing consensual about this deal, I thought bitterly.

"Thank you Edward." The kid smiled up at me and held out his hand. Knowing there was no way I could get out of touching his filthy digits, especially with my mom standing here, I once again shook his hand.

I nodded and muttered a "You're welcome" while kicking myself for not choosing to sit on another bench, any other bench in this enormous building. Anywhere that wouldn't have put me in the path of this little con-artist. Of course, that would've always meant I'd have missed seeing Bella.

This bench was the right choice.

The older boy grunted something that sounded like, _thank-you_ and they all turned and began walking away.

"Oh, stop looking like it's the end of the world." I shot mom a glare, which set her off in a fit of giggles.

After she'd collected herself, we grabbed our own bags and started the walk to the car.

"So, Red Robin?" She asked after we'd packed the car.

As much as I wanted to go home and sulk over my missed opportunity with Bella and my bad luck of running into a mini-gangster that wanted to learn how to throw a fastball, my mouth watered at the thought of a juicy, bacon cheeseburger.

"Please!" I practically begged.

Mom chuckled and put the car into gear. My head fell onto the car window as we left the parking lot of the mall and headed closer to civilization.

"This is going to be good for you Edward. I see a lot of you in Alex." I glanced over to her from my seat.

_No!_ She didn't just compare me to that mini-gangster in a Deadpool t-shirt.

"Take that back." I muttered, sullenly.

She laughed. "No, you're just like him, smart, tenacious and willing to work for what you want. You've been graced with amazing athletic ability, but you wouldn't be where you are now if you hadn't had the benefit of your coaches and training counselors. Teaching those boys is your chance to give back to the community. They're going to be the future of Spartan sports. And know they'll have the benefit of being tutored by the reigning star."

_Wow!_ Her words shocked me. Mom and dad never allowed Emmett and me to think of ourselves as _stars_. They always insisted that we were part of a team, not the stars.

Maybe she was right. I owed it to the community to give back.

"You know what else? Those boys also play football." The corners of her lips turned up into a knowing smile. As her meaning became clear, I couldn't contain my own smirk.

If mom had her way, Emmett had coaching in his future.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

Not a lot of BxE in this chapter. Sorry, it needed to be done. Don't worry, we'll return to our normal programming with the next chapter. Having said that, what did you think of The Kid and Max? Those two are patterned after two boys in my life and will assist Edward to grow a little as we move forward.

Again, thank you all so much for your support. I appreciate all of you very much!

ruinedbyrob


	27. Chapter 27

******Edited Chapter 27******

I'm having a total failure with fanfic this week. Earlier this week I was alerted that Chapter 26 had disappeared from the story chapter list. Sure enough, it was gone from the drop down list but still listed in my author files. In a panic, I hit post again thinking that it would just reappear on the drop down list, not be listed as an entirely new update. I apologize to all of you who thought it was a new update. I also want to thank all of you that reached out to let me know what had happened. The fact that you guys care so much about my story makes me feel amazing!

Thank you to my beta, Mullet86 for fixing my mistakes.

**Disclaimer:** SM owns Twilight but I own this plot and I'm kind of partial to it.

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

Chapter 27

"I'll meet up with you guys later." Alice waved and Jasper nodded as I climbed the stairs to the library. It was the week of finals and for the first time in my life, I was a little worried about my academic performance. I'd never had to study as hard as I had this last semester. Of course, I'd never had a social life like the one I've been enjoying these past few months either. Unfortunately, my study habits and test scores reflected my good fortune. Just not in a good way.

I hip checked the library doors open and dropped my armful of books heavily onto the quiet corner table I'd claimed as my own. I was surprised at the low number of students who utilized the space. It was quite a contrast from the library in my old school. The space in Phoenix was brightly lit with natural light and modernly furnished; the counterpart in Forks was modestly appointed with darker, heavy furniture and relied heavily on overhead lamps. Even with the artificial lights, there were corners of the large room that were almost completely shrouded in darkness.

Thankfully, we were allowed to bring in our laptops and take advantage of the free internet, but if I wanted to print something, I had to save it to a thumb drive and use one of the archaic computers and printers provided by the Forks Education Department.

I was putting the finishing touches on my British literature report when a familiar bronze head of hair entered my peripheral vision. I don't know why, but I slide down a little in my chair to avoid detection. I'm not sure why I thought cowering in a chair would suddenly hide my large form, but I did it anyway.

I hadn't seen Edward for weeks. The only class we'd had together was drivers ed. His decision to drop the class ended our only contact. Not that I was upset about not having him in class, his presence in the cramped car made it extremely difficult for me to concentrate on driving. Once he was gone, my driving skills improved greatly. Mr. Banner had completely stopped using his red pen of death and having Derick in class was a wonderful bonus.

With my literature book covering most of my face, I peeked around the corner, and watched Edward move across the room. His back-pack was hiked high up on his shoulders and his Forks High ball cap pulled low over his eyes. He walked past the study desks and the rows of books to the east corner of the library, stopping at what I'd thought was a janitor's closet and took a set of keys out of his jeans pocket and unlocked the door. From my table in the corner, I saw him flip the light switch and enter the room. The door closed with an audible click behind him.

I guessed Edward was also utilizing the quiet of the library to study, but why did he have a private room? I looked around the library and the few other students scattered around took no notice of him. A glance at the wall clock alerted me that I had only twenty minutes left to study before I needed to get to class. I tucked the Edward sighting away and returned to my studies.

By Thursday, the mystery of the locked room was driving me crazy. Edward had either been arriving, leaving or already in the room every time I was in the library. I'd watched him from my corner all week and had gotten no further in figuring out what he was doing. I'd contemplated asking Jasper but with finals bearing down on us, we hadn't seen much of each other, especially since I'd started skipping lunch to add another hour of studying to my day. The only people I'd had any regular contact with this whole week were Charlie, the librarian, Mrs. Lawlor and Derick.

_Derick_. I smiled to myself. Rose's burning question at the mall, prompted me to move forward with Derick. Granted that movement was about as fast as an arthritic turtle moves on a good day, but it was still movement. Having never had a boyfriend before, I was completely in the dark as to how to let him know I was ready for more. Luckily, Derick had a little more experience with the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing than me and understood the looks and unintelligible noises I made when we were together.

I could now answer the questions Rose posed at the mall, well, the question about Derick being a good kisser. As far as I knew, he was the best kisser in the world. All he had to do was aim and hit my lips, right? For the last week, we'd been an official couple. Not much had changed, except we'd added kissing and touching. I really like the kissing.

I was still having a hard time with the touching.

The click of Edward's mystery door brought me out of my thoughts. Again, I watched him lock the door and put the keys back in his jeans pocket. With a wave to , he walked straight out of the library. His eyes never moved from the floor; he didn't notice the looks he received from the handful of girls in the room, but I did and I wondered why after everything I still felt a twinge of jealousy when someone else noticed him.

I glanced up at the non-descript state issued wall clock and saw that it was two-thirty; I figured he was probably headed to the weight room for conditioning. I remembered that Emmett had been complaining about being kicked out of his usual time slot in favor of the baseball team, and now had to get up at five in the morning to get in his work out. Yet another thing he blamed on Edward.

I was also done for the day, having taken my last final for the day third period. As a senior, I could have left after lunch. Somehow I found myself back in the library. I told everyone I was using the time to study for the driver's written and practical test I was scheduled to take tomorrow morning.

I wasn't.

In truth I wanted to see Edward. He looked so sad. He hadn't smiled once this whole week and he spent the entire time, alone in that room, with the exception of Mrs. Lawlor. She'd periodically go into the room for an hour or so and then leave.

On the pretence of printing a practice test, I wandered over towards his corner. There was a small, square window near the top of the wooden door. With a quick look over my shoulder to make sure I was still unnoticed, I peered into the small room.

What I saw only added to the mystery.

Against the south wall was a desk with a fairly large and new looking iMac computer surrounded by all of the normal things you'd expect to see in a teenager's study space; a Seattle Mariner's coffee cup held various writing tools, while a Chicago Cubs mug held an array of highlighters. Along the wall there was a small two shelved book case. I squinted, but wasn't able to read any of the book titles. On top of the shelf there was a printer and one of Keurig coffee makers with a basket full of those cup thingies.

On the other side of the room there was an overstuffed chair and a floor lamp. It was the kind of space you'd find in a bedroom or study where you could get comfortable and read for hours. However, the room failed to look truly inviting. The harsh, overhead lights and low grade carpeting didn't allow you to forget that you were in a school.

I jiggled the door knob, hoping to get in for a closer look.

"Can I help you?" My hand dropped guiltily from the knob at 's question.

"Um, I um, I was just wondering what was in here."

Mrs. Lawlor, smiled. "That's a private classroom."

_Classroom? Private?_

In for a penny…"What classes are taught in there?"

"Oh no dear, you misunderstand me. It's a _private _classroom."

"How does one go about getting the privilege of a _private_ classroom?"

The kind smile disappeared from the librarian's face. "You have to be smarter than any high school teacher within a hundred miles, refuse to leave home at fifteen years old for early college admission and give up on playing baseball."

Edward would rather lose a limb than give up playing ball. What she'd said started to click.

"He takes college classes."

She nodded. "Yes. By the time your graduation rolls around in May, he'll have finished his second year of college. I proctor his tests, but he does the rest himself," she pointed through the window to the computer on the desk. "He monitors all of his university classes on the internet. He completes all of his work and takes his exams without any face-to- face contact from his college instructors. He's really a remarkable young man."

I nodded, hoping to encourage her loose lips.

"Though, if baseball wasn't keeping him here, I think he'd have left us already. He's alone up here for the whole day. Those girls," she sneered a little but quickly caught herself. "Don't even hang around anymore. He doesn't appear very happy here at Forks. For some reason, it's even worse this semester." She added, sadly.

"I've said more than I should," she gently patted my arm and urged me away from Edward's room. "Don't you have your own tests to study for?"

"Yes." I thanked her and made my way back to my corner table.

No wonder I didn't have Edward in any of my other classes. For the last two years he was being taught in here, all by himself.

As I gathered my books, thoughts of Edward and his corner room kept swirling around my head.

It shouldn't matter to me that he spent the entire school day by himself in a dark corner room with nothing but books and a librarian to keep him company.

I shouldn't spare a thought for the boy that betrayed me and stomped on my heart.

I shouldn't care that even after everything he'd achieved; he was still an outcast.

But it did matter. I just didn't know what to do about it.

So, I did what any normal teenage girl would do. I shoved those thoughts into the back of my mind and moved on. At least that's what I told myself to do.

"If we had more time, I'd add some highlights." Alice's lips pursed together in thought as she twisted, pinned and sprayed my hair into a fancy up-do for the dance.

"Alice, it's okay. Really." I smiled appreciatively at my friend as she fussed over my hair.

"Okay, but soon we'll pencil in some girl time for hair color." I nodded and she left the bathroom in a swirl of satin.

Her departure gave me the first moment I'd had alone since this morning when she and Rose had arrived at Aunt Janet's for what Alice enthusiastically described as," pamper time." We'd taken over my aunt's master bathroom and spent the day giving each other facials, manicures and pedicures. Having never been to any of the events Renee attended with her country club friends, I was what Rose referred to as a 'spa virgin'.

After I got over my trepidation of having anyone see or touch me when I wasn't fully dressed, I enjoyed the heck out of my kiwi-mud mask and sugar scrub pedicure.

Apparently, I was a natural at being pampered. Who knew?

Aunt Janet had even joined in with our girl time. We all bonded over raspberry iced tea and despite Alice's warning that over indulgence could lead to bloating, chocolate truffles and vanilla popcorn.

Somewhere between my second glass of tea and third truffle, Rose decided to revisit the whole, 'Never Been Kissed' conversation.

"So, Bella, any progress with Derick?" I could feel my face heat up underneath the mud mask that Alice, promised would make my pores practically disappear. I hoped that the extra sweat I was now producing wouldn't stop the mask from working. I'd really like to have small pores.

"Rose, don't start that again." I love you Alice.

"Shut it, Tiny Tim," Rose waved dismissively in Alice's direction. "Judging from the melting of the mask on the girl's face, I can only assume that there has been a little forward movement." She quirked her left eyebrow in my direction.

"Bella?" Great, now Tiny Tim, um, Alice was in on it too.

"Um, we, well, we um, we've kissed." I quickly grabbed two cucumber slices and covered my eyes.

My hiding place was quickly discovered.

"Spill it, Swan." My eyes were rudely uncovered to reveal both girls staring down at me.

"I um, I thought about what you said and I, well…"

"AND!" Both girls demanded at the same time.

"Look, all I'm going to say is that we've moved on from hand holding." I wasn't going to tell them that just last night we'd gotten to what the internet refers to as second base.

I also wasn't going to tell them that when Derick touched me, I was in a panic over him touching ALL of me. Or that it was awesome and awkward at the same time.

Afterwards, I think we were both happy when it was over. His face was as red as I've ever seen it. I can only imagine that mine was just as crimson. In the wake of what we'd done, my emotions were all over the place. There were things I wanted to ask the girls.

For instance, was it natural for my stomach to clench with butterflies every time he touched my boobs? And was it okay that he seemed to really like my boobs? Did his boob fascination mean that he found the rest of my body gross?

And how did I tell him without making it a big deal that my boobs were a little sore from the constant touching?

_Ugh! _

I also wanted to ask them was how I got over the constant feeling of wanting to crawl under a bed every time I thought about Derick touching me. I held an unrealistic hope that perhaps they hadn't always been beautiful.

Even though Derick had never made a comment about my appearance other than to tell me how nice I looked whenever we saw each other, it was still difficult.

"What time are the boys going to be here?" My aunt asked, as she zipped up the back of my dress.

"Um, I think seven?" I chewed on my lip and looked at my reflection in the mirror. The memory of the last time I stood in front of a mirror wearing a party dress, flashed across my mind. A fine sheen of sweat began to form on my upper lip.

My aunt came up and gently put her hands on my shoulders. Our eyes met in the mirror. "Stop. You're beautiful and Derick is a lucky young man. This is not like the last time. " I nodded quickly, a little too quickly, at her assurance.

She didn't buy it.

"Bella, you have to stop this. What Edward did," she paused and took a deep breath. "What he did hurt you terribly. But look at where you are _now_. You have a group of friends that love you and a cute boyfriend that _adores_ you." I didn't know about the "adore" part. But Derick was cute.

This time I smiled when I nodded.

"Just one more picture."

"For the love of God, woman, you have enough pictures." Alice glared at Emmett, before ignoring him and positioning herself for another round of candid shots.

"Enough!" Jasper declared, and picked up his snap happy girlfriend. Alice continued taking pictures as he carried her out the front door to the waiting cars.

"When in Paris…"

"It's _When in Rome_ you dufuss." Rose laughed as Emmett grabbed her and followed Jasper out the door.

Derick and I were left standing awkwardly in the foyer with a smiling Aunt Janet and Uncle Mark. It was ridiculous for me to think that Derick could pick me up. I'd crush him like a bug. It was just a reminder that even though I'd moved forward in my life, my weight was still an issue.

"Um, I'll just grab the girl's sweaters." I moved past Derick and picked up the discarded items.

"Have a good time sweetheart." Aunt Janet called to me as Derick and I walked out to his car. We'd both passed our drivers tests and were now legal. Derick had just finished his brother's Camaro and was being allowed to borrow it for the dance.

The grey and black muscle car shone brightly under the streetlights.

"I'm so glad the snow has held off. I really didn't want to take you to the dance in my mom's car."

"Why? I don't care what kind of car you drive." I was going to a dance with a boy that had touched my boobs. My life was pretty good. What type of car I was in bore little relevance in my life.

"I wanted to take you in a car that was as rare and as beautiful as you are. My mom's Volvo station wagon is way too lame." My heart leapt at his statement.

"Thank you." I managed to stammer.

"You never have to thank me for telling the truth." He leaned over the arm rest and kissed me. The chill I'd developed from the walk to the car was immediately replaced with the heat from his lips.

He didn't deepen the kiss. It was sweet and simple. A lot like our relationship.

"Thank God for you!" Rose exclaimed, shoving her arms into one of the sweaters I'd brought. "I was freezing my butt off."

"Babe, your butt it still there. Believe me."

Rose's eyes narrowed as Emmett's hand reached around to grab her butt.

"Emmett Cullen, if you don't remove your hand from my ass right now, I'm going to rip it off and beat you with it!" Emmett paled slightly at Rose's promise.

"Um, it's a bit chilly." Alice grinned and put her sweater on.

"Well, it is winter." I grinned back.

I placed my hand in the crook of Derick's offered elbow and walked into my first formal dance.

**~~~EPOV~~~**

"C'mon Edward, one dance." Tanya whined.

I held up the school issued camera. "I'm here to take pictures for the yearbook, not dance."

"It's not as if they'll fire you if you stop recording these losers' awkward attempts at being cool for one dance! You're not even on the yearbook committee, you volunteered!" I suppressed the urge to point out that she was begging to do exactly what she accused our class mates of doing. "And you look so damn sexy in your suit. It would be a shame to not show you off."

I took a step back as she ran one of her shiny fake nails up the center of my chest.

"I'm not a new car or a pair of Louboutins, Tanya." She pouted when I pushed her hand off me.

"At least come over and sit at our table." I glanced over at the big table by the stage. James, Alec, Felix…they were all there with most of my baseball team and their dates. The girls were all dressed in short, tight skirts and the guys were in various items of dressy attire.

"No." The last thing I wanted to do was associate with those assholes on my own time.

"You know, Edward, I've been holding my tongue these past few months because I didn't want to stir up trouble. But you've been acting as if you don't want to even hang out with your friends anymore."

_Friends? _ They weren't my friends. At best they were my class and team mates. At worst they were shallow jerks who were using me to get a chance at a college scholarship or to boost them further up the social ladder. I know that now. I wish that knowledge hadn't come at the expense of losing my one true friend.

"Tanya, the people at that table aren't my friends and you know it."

"Oh, really? I suppose you consider those people friends?" She nodded towards the gym door where Emmett and Rose were walking into the makeshift dance hall followed by Alice and Jasper.

"If hadn't ruined it they would still be my…" My voice fell when Bella walked in.

She was stunning.

Her dark blue dress shimmered under the colored lights, making her skin sparkle. The dress wasn't nearly as short or as tight as the ones Tanya and the other girls were wearing. And her feet weren't jammed into sky high heels designed to make a woman's legs and butt look longer and tighter while working to deform the wearer's toes.

Nor did her face appear to be caked in layers of heavy makeup and eyeliner.

No, in contrast, her natural beauty shone through her sincere smile and honest eyes.

I followed the group as they made their way through the crowd. Bella looked so confident and happy as she took her place at the table with my brother and friends.

The dark part of my heart hated that her happiness might have something to do with the red-headed interloper at her side.

"You might have counted them as friends at one time, but it looks to me as if there's no room for you anymore. Face it Edward, _we're all you have now_." Tanya whispered into my ear before slinking away. My back stiffened at her truth. They were all I had. But it was still my choice to be socially connected to them. And tonight, I couldn't stomach the thought of being sociable with any of them.

I stood in the shadows of the gym, watching them all laugh at something my brother was animatedly acting out. From my stalking point by the bleachers, I shot a few pictures of the tables around me in order to appear more like the staff photographer I was supposed to be and less like the stalker I apparently was.

Eventually I moved around the room and took the pictures I'd volunteered to provide. However, as I skirted the outside of the partying public, I found my lens constantly landing on the brunette with the luminous skin and warm smile.

The irony of this situation hadn't escaped me. The girl I'd screwed over for a bit of popularity was dressed to the nines and dancing with someone else. While I was standing in the shadows actively avoiding the very people I'd chosen over her.

The fast beats of whatever mundane and utterly forgettable song Taylor Swift or Katy Perry was pushing out this week gave way to a slow song. The lights dimmed and the obligatory mirrored ball began to spin, casting its bright squares of light onto the entwined couples on the dance floor. I watched my pale replacement pull Bella out onto the floor. To my surprise, she got right up and followed him onto the floor.

The level of jealousy for the boy who had his hands on her hips was disturbing.

It was too dark to take photos, so I ventured over to the refreshments to get a drink. I knew to avoid the punch. Earlier, I'd overheard James boast about adding a little 'fun' into the giant glass bowl. I'd had my fill of his kind of 'fun' and chose an unopened bottle of water instead. In the aftermath of Bella's escape, I'd added underage drinking to 'Edward's list of stupid shit to stop doing.'

"Enjoying yourself, Edward?" I nodded quickly at Mrs. Nelson's question and took a long drink of my water as I scanned the dance floor for Bella.

"You're not dancing?"

"No, ma'am ." She and Strawberry Shortcake, were dancing under the giant snowflakes that hung from the basketball nets.

"Such a waste. A handsome boy like you should be dancing with pretty guurls." Mrs. Nelson, slurred and took a big sip of punch out of her red Solo cup. Apparently James had made good on his promise to liven up the punch.

"I'll dancshh with you." My smirk evaporated quickly as she fluttered her eye lashes and ran a painted fingernail down the front of my shirt.

"Um…"_ Oh God, somebody save me! I think I'm being hit on by the sixty-plus year old, Home Ec_ _teacher! _My eyes darted around for someone, anyone for help.

"Shhhh…" The painted fingernail was now on my lips. I took a step back, only to find my retreat halted by a wall. "Don't ruin the moment."

"Mrs. Nelson!" My body visibly relaxed after hearing Mr. Brannon's voice ring out. To my great delight, Mrs. Nelson staggered back at the principal's approach.

"What's going on here?" He demanded, grabbing Mrs. Nelson's elbow, righting her as she began to lean heavily to the left.

"Oh, pipe down Monte, have some punch." Mr. Brannon's eyes narrowed as red liquid sloshed out of her cup onto the gym floor.

Ignoring her protests, he took her cup and suspiciously sniffed the contents.

"Mr. Cullen, would you do me a favor? Helene, please stop." He slapped away her hands as they began tugging on his tie.

"Sir?"

"Please dump this punch down the nearest drain. And let's keep this," he motioned to the inebriated Mrs. Nelson, who was twirling a piece of her hair around a finger while, staring creepily at me. "Quiet. We wouldn't want a person's life ruined for one moment of questionable behavior."

"Yes, sir." I knew what such a moment could do to a person's life.

"Good man. Helene, let's get you some water."

"But I want to stay with the pretty boy!" Mr. Brannon rolled his eyes and pulled her away.

By the grace of God, it didn't appear that the display had attracted anyone's attention. Not wanting to push my luck, I stealthily grabbed the punch bowl and moved towards the nearest exit. The closest men's bathroom was down the hall and up the stairs. Not wanting to take the chance of spilling the whole think on myself, I chose to dump it down the water fountain, just outside the girl's bathroom.

During the whole getting groped in the dark corner by a teacher moment, I'd lost track of Bella. As the contaminated punch disappeared slowly down the drain, my mind drifted back to her. Watching her laugh at some presumably stupid thing Emmett had said or the ease that she engaged with Rose and Alice, and the smiles she kept giving Derick only reminded me of all that I'd lost.

My shoulders sagged with the constant pain of not having her in my life.

I missed her so much.

"Are you kidding me? You're still pining after that thing!" As the last drop of vodka laced punch dripped out of the punch bowl, so did my patience.

"If you say one more negative word about her, you'll regret it!" Tanya's eyes narrowed at my warning.

"Negative? Since when did telling the truth earn someone such a dire warning?"

I set the empty punch bowl onto the floor and faced her. "The truth? That's not what you're doing and you know it!"

Tanya opened her mouth but was silenced, when another voice entered the conversation. "Tan is right, Cullen. Calling an elephant an elephant is considered the truth. In any language."

"Fuck you James. You're an asshole and I'm fucking tired of hearing you run your damn mouth!"

James pulled himself up to his full height and leaned closer to me. Tanya wisely, moved out of the way. "You better watch your own mouth. Big brother isn't here to protect you."

"I don't need any one's protection. Especially not from a coattail riding turd like you."

His nostrils flared at my accusation. "I earned my spot on that team you little shit!"

"Oh yeah, right. But who keeps that team in the winning column? Because it sure as hell isn't your .205 batting average." I couldn't help but sneer my last words.

"You little fucker! You'd be nothing in this school without me! I did you a fucking favor by getting that fat assed whale out of your life. And this is how you repay me?"

"Favor?! You embarrass an innocent person to tears and tear her down to everyone that will listen and you think that's a favor? You don't even fucking know her!"

He took a step back, his dead eyes narrowed slightly as he delivered another blow. "You're right, I don't know her. She was _your_ best friend, yet all it took was a chance at popularity for you to dump her. What does that make you?"

If he thought his words would make me defend my mistake, he was wrong.

"It makes me the lowest form of fucking life! She's the most amazing person I've ever met. I had the best friend anyone could ask for and I turned on her for what? The chance to hang out with a bunch of mouth breathers and their fake- tanning groupies, with low self-esteem? You may win the prize for being the biggest asshole in the school, but _I'm the biggest loser_ because _I lost her_ and it's _all my fault_. I can't get her back, but I can sure as fuck make sure that fucking assholes like you, and jealous bitches like you," I pointed to James and then to Tanya, who had the decency to pale under my gaze. "Leave her the fuck alone. Whatever your end game was James, you got it. She's out of my life. But if you think for one fucking minute I'll forget your part in this, you're wrong." I spat in his direction and turned to leave. I got three steps before turning back around to unleash one more piece of truth.

"I know you and the rest of your merry band of assholes need _my arm_ to get you fucking idiots into college. Here's the kicker. I'm going to get a full ride to whatever school I want regardless of whether I play ball or not. Baseball is fun for me. But the minute I don't find it fun anymore, you guys are all fucked. So you better drop to your fucking knees every night and pray to God, Mohamed or fucking Santa Claus that I continue to find it _fun_! And you better make fucking sure that you bastards not so much as look cross ways at Bella!"

The metal doors slammed loudly against the brick walls as I left a shell-shocked Tanya and James, standing in the hallway and stormed out into the cold and damp night. The full force of what I'd said didn't hit me until I was in the car. My body was shaking so hard I had to use both hands to put the key into the ignition. I probably shouldn't have been operating a car at this point, but there was no way I was going to go back into that school tonight.

**~~BPOV~~**

"Bella, there you are. We went to the restroom and couldn't find you. What are you doing out here?"

"Alice, look at her. She's shaking like a wet dog."

"Look at her face. I think she's going to puke. If she pukes, I'll puke and I'm wearing Cavalli!"

"Geez, Rose! Just go get Derick. Something is terribly wrong."

* * *

><p>So? What do you think? I'm going to work really hard to have a short chapter out by Christmas.<p>

Thank you for all reading! Have a wonderful weekend!

ruinedbyrob


	28. Chapter 28

Here's the Christmas present I promised. One size fits all! 

Disclaimer: I'm not SM. I don't own Twilight, but this story is mine and I'd appreciate it if no one took it from me.

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 28**

"Bella, it's beautiful! But it's too much." Aunt Janet's blue eyes gleamed in pleasure as she examined the new Coach purse she'd just unwrapped.

I shook my head at my aunt's ridiculous statement. "No, it's not." I stated honestly. She was the closest I had to a real mom and deserved so much more than just a designer purse. But it was all I could offer to show my appreciation. Smiling at her obvious excitement over the gift, I turned to look at my uncle who was already chuckling over the John Cleese book I'd purchased for him. I'd been told that it was a must have for every Monty Python fan. If the look of joy on his face was any indication, I'd done very well with my gift choice.

"Look!" Jasper ordered from his place on the floor beside the tree. "You can see their insignias on the uniforms! This detail is unreal!" He exclaimed while examining each piece of the Civil War chess set I'd given him. Each piece represented a key figure in the war and was a perfect gift for my history loving cousin.

"Bella, who's this girl talking when I hold down the button thingy on this fruit phone?"

"Dad, it's an _Apple iPhone_ and that's 'Siri'. Um, think of her as your personal assistant. When she comes on, you can ask her a question and she'll find the answer."

I chuckled at his raised an eyebrow. "Really. Try it." I encouraged.

He scoffed, but raised the phone to his mouth. "Um, what's the best lake for trout fishing?" His eyes widened as _Siri's_ voice responded. _"Which variety of trout do you wish to catch?"_

I couldn't help but laugh out loud as my father began a serious conversation with his phone concerning prime fishing holes in the greater Washington State area.

It made me so happy to see my family enjoying their gifts. Gifts that were purchased with the money sent by Renee and Phil, who were immensely enjoying their time in Europe, if the hastily written Christmas card stating that very fact, with two thousand dollars of travelers checks was to be believed. I'd used every little bit of my mother's guilt money on my family and friends' gifts.

With my family fully engrossed with their gifts, I slipped off the couch and went into the kitchen. My aunt had fixed a giant breakfast this morning, complete with sweet rolls and an awesome egg and sausage casserole that I was going to make sure to make a staple for all future Christmas mornings. We'd abandoned the dishes to open presents, so I decided to start the clean up.

As the sink filled up with warm, soapy water, I allowed my mind to wander aimlessly, as it has done since the night of the dance, my mind chose to go over the events that had taken place in the front of the girls restroom five days ago.

With a few words, Edward had once again turned my whole world inside out. When I'd first recognized the voices in the hallway, I'd mentally prepared myself for another devastating blow. I was wholly unprepared to hear him defend me. _He defended me!_ He yelled at them. He called them asshole losers and he called me the _"the best thing in his life."_ Me! Isabella Marie Swan, was the best thing in his life. Edward told them he knew that they were using him. He'd called them on their crap and they'd stood there and had taken it.

When I'd heard him say those things, my heart swelled with joy. Edward had turned his back on his team, Tanya, and the group of people that had been his friends for the last two years. And he'd done it because of his feelings for me. Without even thinking, I'd walked out of the bathroom intent on finding him. I didn't really have a plan for what to do once I found him, but the fact that my friend had declared to the assholes that hated me that I meant something to him was the only thing driving me.

I'd left the bathroom to find only James and Tanya still standing in the hallway. The icy glares they shot my way, rolled right on by as my eyes searched for Edward. Guessing that after his speech he'd be too upset to go back into the gym, I headed for the parking lot, only to watch his car screech out of the lot. Mr. Banner would've had a stroke at the speed Edward was driving.

I'd missed him by seconds.

I wanted to know exactly what he'd meant when he'd said I was the best thing in his life.

I wanted him to tell me to my face that his association with Tanya and the rest of those people was over.

I needed him to tell me exactly what I was to him.

I'd thought I was over him. I thought that I'd moved on.

I was wrong.

Hearing the absolute venom he'd spat at James and Tanya was more telling than any of the words he'd used in the apology he'd made all those months ago on my aunt's deck. I'd been able to walk away from him then, I couldn't this time.

I hadn't realized just how much his words had affected me until Derick had draped my sweater over my shoulders and walked me back into the gym. The look on Emmett's face had said it all.

I'd scared them all again with one of my 'Edward zone outs'.

Derick. He'd been so sweet that night. We'd been having such a great time at the dance. And then I go and ruin it by allowing myself to feel things for Edward that should have been buried deeper than they apparently were.

Scrubbing the remnants of breakfast off Aunt Janet's Christmas dishes was actually quite soothing. A mindless task was just what I needed to attempt sorting out my feelings.

I knew that I had feelings for Derick. He was funny, sweet and always made me feel as though I was a priority.

He made me laugh.

He made me feel good about myself.

He was the first and only boy to touch me in any way but familial.

He was my first boyfriend.

My first kiss.

But, Edward was my first love.

"Bella, you're going to scrub all of the enamel off that plate." I looked down at the plate I'd been scrubbing aimlessly for minutes and handed it over to my cousin to dry. I hadn't even noticed him coming into the room.

"I'm guessing that you still don't want to talk about what happened Saturday night?"

I shook my head and continued washing while he silently dried and put the dishes away.

"Check it out! Mistletoe!"

"That's parsley you goof!" Rose laughed.

"Aw, c'mon Rosie, pretend it's mistletoe and give me a smackaroonie." Emmett closed his eyes and puckered his lips.

Rose's eyes glinted mischievously and motioned Jasper over. Alice and I both had our hands over our mouths to stifle the giggles as Jasper leaned in and gave Emmett a kiss.

Emmett's eyes flew open and immediately pushed Jasper away from him. "Gross!"

The room erupted into laughter as Emmett vigorously tried to rub, 'the Jasper' off his lips with whatever material was closest.

"Hey, that's my new cashmere scarf!" Alice exclaimed and grabbed her present out of Emmett's giant hands.

"What do you care? You actually enjoy having his lip germs on you." Emmett countered while spitting into a Kleenex.

"Jazz's germs yes, yours, no!" She cuddled the bright blue scarf to her chest and inspected it for damage.

"Well, that was pretty fucking sick!" Emmett exclaimed and dropped into the couch.

"Cheer up, big man. You still have a gift to open." Rose handed him the autographed football I'd found for him.

"Is it bigger than a bread box?" He shook the box. I'd covered the thing in bubble wrap. There was no way he'd be able to figure out what it was.

Like a four year old tornado, he ripped into the box. Bright colored paper and ribbons went flying everywhere.

"Oh. My. God!" He went from a four year old boy to a fourteen year old girl in one breath.

"It's a football autographed by Walter Payton! It's _THE_ Oct. 1984 football!" He got off the couch and enveloped me into a giant Emmett hug.

"Thank you, B! I love it!" I knew he would. Before the 'incident' Edward had told me of Emmett's love for the record breaking, running back. He'd told me how his grandfather and Emmett would call each other every Sunday and rehash the Bear's game. Their grandfather had been in the stands the day number thirty-four beat the National Football League's all time rushing record in 1984 at Soldier Field. Phil's agent knew a guy, who knew a guy and several phone calls later, one of my best friends had a memento of a cherished memory of his grandfather.

"Em, I can't breathe." He let go of me but didn't move away without giving me a small kiss on the cheek and whispering into my ear.

"I hope you know how much this means to me." His usual boisterous voice was calm and choked with emotion.

"I know." I assured him. He smiled and sat back down on the couch, cradling his football in his arms like a newborn.

This morning I'd had the pleasure of watching my immediate family enjoy their gifts and this evening, I'd gotten to do the same thing with my extended family.

Both Rose and Alice appeared to love the cashmere scarves and mittens I'd found. Emmett was clearly happy with is football and a quick phone call after lunch had confirmed that Derick was equally as taken with the model I'd found of his Camaro. Well, it would soon be his. After all the work he'd put into it, his brother had promised to give it to him after he graduated from high school.

Along with the clothes and photo album I'd received from my family, Rose and Alice had gifted me with a spa certificate. They both claimed that as much as I'd enjoyed our impromptu spa day at home, I was going to love the pampering at a real spa. Jasper had stolen my iPod and had filled it with a wonderful new selection of music from new- to- me artists. I'd barely turned it off all day. Emmett had given me a coupon book full of 'Emmett Bucks'. He'd excitedly explained that 'Emmett Bucks' could be used for a myriad of chores, including any heavy lifting and oil changes. We'd all received a coupon book, but from the look on Rose's face and Emmett's leering glances, her coupons were more interesting than ours.

Derick had given me a jewelry box. I didn't wear much jewelry, but I'd appreciated the thought nonetheless. It was already sitting upstairs on my dresser holding my Fossil watch and the pearl earrings left to me by Grandma Swan.

"Hey, there's one more present left." We all turned to watch Jasper pull out a gorgeously wrapped present from the back corner behind the tree. The paper was dark red with a deep gold ribbon tied into an intricate bow right in the middle of the box. It looked like one of those gifts that you pay someone at the mall to wrap for you.

"Who is it for?" Alice asked, peering over his shoulder to look at the tag.

"Bella, it's for you." Jasper got up and handed me the beautifully wrapped box.

"Who is it from?" Rose asked from her perch on the couch. She was pulled in tightly into Emmett's left side, while his football was tucked in on his right side.

I turned the shirt-size box over in my hands looking for an answer. "It doesn't say."

"Open it. It may be a surprise present from Derick!" Alice squealed excitedly.

Derick hadn't mentioned another gift when he called earlier, but it would be just like him to get me a surprise gift.

Laughing at the obviously over-sugared Alice, I began to carefully unwrap the mystery box.

Finally, I lifted the lid from the box and moved the red tissue paper to reveal the surprise.

I was dumfounded at what the box contained. I couldn't do anything but stare.

"What is it?" Alice asked.

"I don't believe it." I muttered to myself.

"For crap's sakes, what is it?!" Rose demanded.

I looked up and saw all four of my friends staring at me. With shaking hands, I withdrew the four books.

"They are _The Last Arkham Batman: Shadow of the Bat_, comic books. All four of them. In mint condition!" My voice became louder and more excited as what I was holding in my hands really sunk in.

"Comic books? You're this excited over a couple of comics? I think my dad has a few Archie and Jugglehead comics in the garage. You want them?" Even stuck in my euphoria, I didn't miss the sarcasm in Rose's voice. Though, knowing Rose, she wasn't trying to hide anything. Regardless, they needed to understand the full importance of what I was holding in my hands.

"You don't understand. These are rare. They're collector's editions. Look!" I demanded. "They're perfect!" I tentatively stroked the covers. Rose shrugged and began leafing through a Cosmo magazine. Alice smiled and went back to petting her new scarf.

Only Jasper and Emmett seemed to understand what I was holding.

"Bella, those are seriously what I think they are?" I nodded at my cousin. "Wow. Someone sure does know you very well. Who do you think they're from?"

"I don't know. Derick, knows nothing about comic books. He wouldn't be able to tell Spiderman from Venom. Maybe your mom?" It was a long shot, but my aunt had proves numerous times that she knew me much better than I thought she did.

"Hmm,no. Not even mom could figure out something so precise. I mean these comics are rare and only a person who really knew you and how much you love _this_ series would know to get them and be willing to spend a ton of money buying them."

Emmett's voice rang out in the quiet room. "I know who they're from."

We all turned to look at him. "Who sent them?" I demanded.

"Edward."

"What?" We all asked at the same time.

"He inherited two of them from my grandpa." he hugged his football a little tighter as he spoke.

"After what he did, why would he send Bella a gift?" Alice asked quietly.

"I guess he must've found the other two and thought Bella would appreciate them."

"Doesn't he realize how rare these books are? And to have all four of them…It's crazy to give them away like that."

"I doubt he cares." Em, shrugged at Jasper.

"He cares." I said simply, picking up the books and walking out of the room.

"Bella, where are you going?" Aunt Janet asked from the kitchen doorway. The silver tray in her hands was laden with plates of Christmas cookies. Uncle Mark was standing behind her with a matching tray of what smelled like mugs of hot chocolate.

"I have to go somewhere." I carefully laid my books on the side table and put on my coat.

"At this hour, on Christmas? What is so important?" I ignored her and finished dressing. "Bella!"

I didn't have time to explain any of this to her. I had to get to him. "Please, just let me go."

I heard a hushed whisper from my uncle and then a deep sigh. "Alright, go ahead; call me if you need _anything_. Okay?"

I nodded silently and left the house.

The air had a distinct chill to it as I walked the four blocks to Edward's house. While I was grateful for my new winter coat and mittens, I was seriously kicking myself for not changing into a pair of boots before rushing out of the house. While pretty, my patent leather loafers did nothing to keep my feet dry or warm.

My determination to get to him wavered as the Cullen home came into view. The house was beautifully lit up with Christmas lights and three automated polar bears frolicked on the front lawn while the north corner of the yard had a blow up steamroller with Santa Claus being run over by a crazed reindeer. The house looked like it had a split personality. And one of the personalities was slightly twisted.

I forced my attention back to the task at hand and walked up to the porch.

Despite the cold temperature, my hands were sweating inside my new North Face gloves as I rang the door bell.

As soon as the last chime of the bell rang out, I mentally chastised myself for my haste. I had no idea what to say to him.

The front of the house was dark with only the brilliant lights of the tree shining through the front window.

As I waited I started second guessing my decision to leave my warm home and friends to rush over here.

Maybe no one was home?

Had I left my home and walked all the way here to confront a boy that wasn't even here?

This was a bad idea. I should go home, warm up with some hot chocolate, eat a dozen or so of my aunt's delicious Christmas cookies and think about what I want to say to him and what I need him to say to me.

Yep. That's definitely what I should do. I turned to walk back to my aunt's warm house when I heard the door open behind me and the voice that had made my heart both swell with love and devastating pain since I've known him, called to me from the doorway.

"Bella, is that you?"

* * *

><p>I want to take a moment to thank all of you for the support you've given me and my Bella and Edward throughout this past year. There are many days where the very last thing I want to do is sit down and write, but knowing that you all are out there waiting, gives me the extra boost I need to hit the keys and keep plugging away. Your kind words and encouragement mean the world to me and I appreciate every one of you.<p>

Thank you again.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

ruinedbyrob


	29. Chapter 29

**Please make sure to read my A/N at the bottom for some exciting news.**

My beta is Mullet86 and she's awesome. Congrats on the new job,Babs!

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight and I don't. (Insert frowny face here.)

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 29**

"_Bella, is that you?"_

The sound of his voice pierced my heart just as cleanly as if he'd shot me with an arrow. The pain was truth, telling me that I hadn't thought this visit through and I may not be up to the task, but my shuddering breaths and shaking hands told another story. Even after everything that had happened between us, after all of the pain he'd caused me, I wasn't over this boy.

Slowly, I turned back towards the porch.

"Hi." The lame greeting fell from my mouth without thought. I quickly added, "Merry Christmas?" I didn't mean to voice it as a question. My mind was clearly on vacation.

Edward awkwardly shuffled his feet in the doorway. No doubt he was cold standing there in nothing but a tee shirt and what looked like sweat pants. He had only socks on his feet. "Merry Christmas. If you're looking for Emmett, he's not here. Actually, I thought he was with you guys at your party." He shifted his weight and looked at the floor. His shoulders were hunched in sadness. I recognized his pain. He felt like an outsider.

All at once my feet propelled me forward and the words I'd longed to hear from him for years fell from _my_ mouth. "I'm here for you."

As soon as I'd said the words my heart lifted with the truth they carried. I _was_ here for him. He'd held my heart for years and even though it was bruised and battered from his callous treatment, I couldn't deny that in a very real way, it still belonged to him. But I wasn't ready to hand it back over either. I just couldn't deny anymore that I needed him in my life.

"What?" Of course he'd question my words. My actions over the last year, especially the last six months, were in clear opposition of that statement.

"I'm here to see you. Not Emmett."

"Why?" A chilly gust of wind blew over the porch causing us both to shiver under its attack.

"Um, would you like to come in?"

I nodded and walked past him into the warm house.

"Here, let me get your coat." I shifted the box of comics in my hand and allowed Edward to peel my coat off. While he hung it in the closet, I took in the Winter Wonderland that was the Cullen house at Christmas. It looked as if every inch was covered with some type of holiday decoration.

"I thought Aunt Janet went overboard with the decorations, but… Wow!" I didn't know where to look first. The twinkling garland that decorated the banister on the staircase and every entry way or the artfully arranged ribbons and ornaments that adorned the hall tables. The hallway was dark, but for the light cast by the garland and the giant Christmas tree in the front room. I'd noticed its beauty when I'd first walked up to the house, but seeing it in person was spectacular. There must've been fifty-thousand lights on that one tree.

Edward must've noticed my awe at the decorations. "Yeah, my mom goes a little overboard with the decorations."

"No. They're beautiful. But, why is it so dark in here?" My eyes moved away from the spectacular view and turned to see Edward shrug.

"I guess I didn't see the need for all of the lights to be on since I'm the only one here. Besides, I kind of like just having the Christmas lights on by themselves. It's kind of comforting." I nodded absently; I understood exactly what he meant. All those years of spending horrible holidays with Renee had been bearable when I could finally escape her presence to sit quietly alone in the glow of the cheerful Christmas tree.

"I've been sitting in the den. Do you want to go back there?" I nodded quickly and followed him down the hallway to the den. In contrast to the rest of the house, this room was brightly lit. He'd clearly set the room up for comfort. The large couch was adorned with several holiday themed blankets and pillows. There was a six-pack of Mountain Dew on the floor beside the table that held a large glass filled with ice. The coffee table was covered with trays of holiday treats and bowls of brightly wrapped candy. There was enough here for three Emmett sized people.

"Planning for a long winter?" I joked, motioning to his mountain of provisions.

"Um, I wanted to be comfortable and only have to get up to pee." He chuckled and ran his hand through his already messy hair.

"I guess that makes sense," I agreed. "Do you mind if I sit down?"

Edward's eyes grew wide. "Of course. Please." He stuttered and began to gather up the wrappers he'd thrown haphazardly around the room.

I walked past him and took a seat on the end of the couch, brushing Hershey Kiss and Reece's Peanut Butter cup wrappers aside. "Edward, you don't have to worry about the mess. It's not like you were expecting me to drop by."

"You can say that again." He muttered quietly.

He'd said it quietly, but I could still hear the pain behind the statement.

"You sure do have a lot of chocolate." If he were a girl, the amount of chocolate in the room would lead one to think it was his time of the month.

"Yeah, I don't usually eat this much candy, but for some reason, today especially, the only thing that makes me feel better is chocolate."

I nodded in understanding. Over the last two years I'd ingested more than my fair share of the false happiness those sweet morsels provide.

He continued to pick up his mess. "Edward, leave it. Please." He swallowed and moved his blanket to sit down on the opposite end of the couch.

I sighed as I took in our positions on the couch. They mirrored our current relationship. In the past I'd always been the one on the end by myself. When I'd met Edward, that all changed. I wasn't alone anymore. I had him beside me with Emmett and Jasper covering me from behind. Now I had Alice and Rose along with Derick in my corner and Edward was alone.

We sat in silence for a moment. The movie he'd been watching when I arrived was the only sound in the room. Bruce Willis was climbing through a dark and cramped air vent trying to avoid the terrorists that had taken over his wife's office building.

"Die Hard, for Christmas?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well, it does take place on Christmas Eve and since I was the only one here, I figured I could choose whatever movie I wanted to watch. Emmett never lets me watch this one. He says the scene where John McClane has to walk barefoot through the broken glass, gives him nightmares." He grinned at Emmett's squeamishness for bare feet.

"So, why are you alone at Christmas?"

The smile that had just been on his face disappeared and was replaced with a frown. "Um, mom and dad always try to do something for the staff and patients who have to stay at the hospital over Christmas. Mom makes tons of food; they play games and have sing-alongs."

"It sounds like fun." I said honestly. It was just like Mr. and Mrs. Cullen to do something like that. "You didn't want to go with them?"

"I did. It's always fun, but dad said I'd make everyone even more depressed than they already were and not even my mom's famous coconut brownies wouldn't be able to help."

"That's hard to believe. Your mom's brownies can fix anything." I joked.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" I wasn't prepared for his directness. And it must've showed on my face as he tried to smooth it over a little.

"Not that I mind you being here. I just, I guess I'm just surprised. It seems as if all we've done all year is fight and I don't want to fight with you anymore." His fingers played absently with the ruffle on his blanket.

"I don't want to fight with you either." My eyes were trained on my lap as I quietly answered him.

"Then what are we doing? You haven't wanted to speak to me for months and then today you show up and talk to me like, like we're, I don't know, like we're friends." His confusion was evident in both his voice and the way he allowed his body to slump forward with his arms resting on his knees and his head hanging forward over his lap.

I didn't know exactly what to say. I couldn't just blurt out that I'd heard his fight with James.

"I wanted to bring these to you." I handed him the box containing the comics.

He lifted the lid and the look on his face turned from surprise to anger.

"I gave these to you." He pushed the box angrily in my direction. "I thought you would like them."

"I do like them. I love them in fact, but I can't keep them."

"Why? I can't even give you a gift? You hate me that much?" He threw his blanket on the floor and walked over to lean against the window next to the tree.

"Edward, no. That's not it." I never hated him. Well, I didn't hate him anymore.

I got up and walked to stand next to him. I looked out of the window; the Cullen's had even strung lights across their deck. The backyard looked as beautiful as the front yard. But I wasn't here to marvel at their holiday decorations, I was here to forgive their son.

I didn't want to be angry at him anymore. What he did to me and how he'd acted to his brother and the rest of his family after I'd left had been horrible. He deserved mine and Jasper and Emmett's anger. I know he did. But after seeing his private classroom apart from everyone else, and hearing his own rage and frustration when he'd finally come to the realization that James and the rest of them had been using him, I felt that he'd been punished enough.

And in all honesty I needed to do this for him as much as I needed it for me.

"Edward, I love the comics. You know how much I love that series, but I can't keep them. I know they were left to you by your grandfather."

He lifted his head from the window pane and gave me a questioning look.

"Emmett, told me." He shook his head and went back to leaning against the window. "I can't keep them, because they're something you shared with your grandpa. It's a memory you need to keep for yourself."

Without thinking, I put my hand on his back thinking to comfort him over the loss of his grandfather. He shuddered under my touch and I quickly removed it thinking I had overstepped my bounds.

"It's something I also shared with you. Please let me keep it. I've lost everything else." He spoke so softly, I had to strain to hear him.

His quiet admission was the push I needed to tell him the real reason I was here.

"Edward, I have something I need to tell you…"

He sighed heavily and turned to look at me. His eyes shone brightly in the muted light of the Christmas decorations.

"Before you say anything, can we, um," He sighed heavily and rubbed his hand heavily over his eyes. "When Emmett and I were younger we used to lie under the Christmas tree and look up at the lights. I find it comforting. Please?" I could only nod and follow him to the tree. It would be easier to talk to him if I didn't have to look at him.

Edward gracefully sat down and rolled onto his back so that his head was right under the colorful tree. Unlike the artfully decorated tree in the front room, this tree's ornaments were a mish mash of cartoon, comic book and popular movie characters. It was glorious in its pop-culture goodness.

I eased myself onto the floor beside him and rolled under the tree. My size didn't allow for a graceful drop. It also meant that my sweater had to be readjusted to make sure none of me was showing.

"Stop fidgeting, I mean, please, just stop worrying about how you look and enjoy the view for a minute," he sighed and turned to look at me for a second and then moved to stare up through the bottom of the tree. "I'm so sick of girls who spend more time working on their hair than their personalities."

I quickly dropped my hands to my sides. I didn't like the thought of being compared to girls like Tanya.

We laid side-by-side on the floor with only the muted sound of the guns going off and obscenities being shouted as the terrorists made one last stand against Officer McClane, as the dominant sounds in the room.

I attempted to gather my thoughts, but laying here like this, was so reminiscent of…

"Do you remember when we used to lie like this in the yard? You would call out the shapes of the clouds and I would day dream about getting into that damn tree house. Things were so much better then. Before I fucked everything up."

"Edward, I heard…" He interrupted me again.

"I know you'll never forgive me, I know that the last thing I deserve is for you to forgive me, but Bella, please tell me you believe me when I said I never meant to hurt you and I didn't mean the things I said to James and the other guys. I thought they were my friends. I thought they liked me and I wanted to be part of something so damn much that I betrayed the only person in my life that ever truly accepted me. The only true friend I ever had. I did it all for a little popularity." Just like the night of the party, the sincerity in his words could be heard clearly and the tears started gathering in my eyes.

"I'm sorry Bella, so damn sorry. I'm sorry I allowed my desire to be accepted by a bunch of assholes turn me into an asshole that hurts the ones he loves."

_He loves me?_ Suddenly, my throat began to fill up with saliva. Before I knew it, I was sitting up, coughing up my own spit, with Edward beating me on the back.

"Bella! Are you okay? Please be okay." I had to push his hand off my back so I could catch my breath.

"I'm good." I promised, taking a couple of deep breaths.

"Jesus! You scared to crap out of me." He blew out a deep breath and hung his head heavily between his folded knees.

"Sorry." I uttered, hating that I seemed to lose not only my senses but the ability to function where Edward was concerned.

I needed to gather myself and do what I meant to do.

"Edward, I didn't come here to return the comics."

He lifted his head to look at me. I braced myself against the feelings that always surfaced when he was this close. "Really?" He asked.

"Really. I mean, I can't keep them," instantly his shoulders dropped. "Wait, I can't keep them because they're all you have left of your grandfather. Not because I don't want them or because I won't accept a gift from you."

He breathing shuddered for a moment, when I laid my hand over his. I couldn't help the tiny smile that escaped, as this time it was his body that reacted to us touching. For once, I was touching Edward and didn't worry about how it was going to be construed. We both just needed a connection with each other.

"Edward, I came here because I heard what you said last week during the party," his hand tightened on mine. "I didn't mean to overhear, but I was in the bathroom and…"

"I'm so sorry..." His voice was ragged and hurried.

"Sorry about what? Are you sorry you yelled at your friends?" Afraid I'd been reading things wrong; I went to pull my hand away from his. But Edward only held onto my hand even harder.

"What? No! I'm not sorry I finally got the balls to tell those assholes off. I'm just sorry that you had to hear it," he sighed and gave my hand a little squeeze. "I don't want you to be exposed to their bullshit anymore and I don't want to hurt you anymore. It's all I seem to ever do. First with Tanya and Lauren, and then with James." He added quietly.

After that statement, we both took a minute to think about what he'd said. Our minds may have wandered, lost in our own thoughts, but our hands never moved from each other.

He was right. He had hurt me. _A lot._ More than I could remember being hurt before. Or maybe it was the fact that I'd never been hurt by someone I loved as much as I loved him. All I knew for sure was that I wanted the hurt to stop.

For both of us.

"Edward, what happened, it hurt." I paused as my whole body clenched with the memory of that night. "No, it didn't just hurt. You tore out my fucking heart!" Edward's eyes grew wide at my statement.

"Bella, I…"

"I know you're sorry. I get that you succumbed to peer pressure and that being accepted by the team was really important to you. I just didn't expect their acceptance was more important to you than I was."

"It shouldn't have been." He said quietly.

"But it was. If it hadn't been, you wouldn't have done that to me. I get that now. I also get that you didn't think I would ever find out. In my heart I know that you wouldn't intentionally hurt me."

"I wouldn't. I'd never hurt you intentionally. Even after I thought you'd thrown me away and then you came back, all I wanted to do was talk to you, spend time with you. But after the way you acted that first day in the cafeteria…"

"I know. That was mean."

"I deserved it."

"I know that too." We both chuckled lightly.

"But, you tried to talk to me at the party and I was, well, I wasn't in the right frame of mind to listen."

"Bella, you were freaking drunk!" His chuckle turned into a full out laugh. "Emmett was running around in a sheet trying to hug everyone and you were holding on to your drink like it was a security blanket."

"Yeah, we, uh, we were both pretty wasted." As funny as Emmett looked running around in his stolen sheet, the memory of what came after was as unfunny as things could get.

"Do you remember what I said to you that night?" He asked quietly.

I nodded and answered him, my voice croaked slightly with the words. "You said that you wouldn't let me go."

"Did you believe me?" As much as I wanted to believe, I didn't.

My silence was his answer.

"I don't blame you. I wouldn't believe me either." Edward sighed and pulled his hand from mine.

"I want to believe you. But…"

"…But I haven't given you a reason."

With the twinkling lights of his tree dancing above our heads and the music from the closing credits of his chosen Christmas movie playing in the background, we laid there on the floor in silence. I could only guess as to what Edward was thinking, but I was asking myself if I could ever let him in deep enough to believe him again.

"Bella," I turned at his voice and stared into the somber green eyes that belonged to the boy who'd owned my heart for as long as I cared to remember. "Will you give me a second chance?" He reached over and took my hand again, his heat instantly warmed my cool skin. "I know I don't deserve it, but I'm a selfish creature and I want you in my life. I'll do anything to make this up to you. Please tell me you'll give me a chance."

I came over here with the intention of forgiving him. My only thoughts as I walked out of my warm home into the cold night were to tell him I wanted him back in my life. No, I needed him in my life. He was a part of me and as much as his actions had left me bloodied and bruised, the understanding of what had driven him to those actions and remembering everything we'd shared, had pushed me down this path. I wouldn't be the person I was today without him.

With that knowledge, I turned to Edward and gave him the only answer I could. "Yes."

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><p><strong>AN: Whew! That was a long time coming. How will they move forward? Will the others accept him back and what's Bella going to do about Derick? All those questions will be answered in the next chapter. This was a big step and it had to be done right. Thank-you for reading. I truly appreciate your support!  
><strong>  
><strong>News: I've just submitted a story for the May to December Romance Twific contest being held here on . There are a lot of great stories in this contest! See if you can pick mine out of the crowd! <strong>


	30. Chapter 30

**I'm baaaaaack! Did you all miss me? I missed you, bunches and bunches! While I've been away I entered the May to December contest. WOW! If you guys haven't had a chance to read those amazing entries, I urge you to get to them ASAP! The amount of talent in this fandom is astounding. I'm so privileged to be a part of it. My entry, Tequila Courage is up on my author's page. Thank you for all of your support!**

**Not much ExB this chapter. Instead, I've chosen to fix another relationship. I hope you agree that this was needed before we really dig in.**

**As always, many thanks to my beta, Mullet86, for using her red pen and fixing my mistakes. **

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. I own a filthy Ford Edge, that I affectionately call 'Eddie'.**

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 30**

"Damn it, Edward, why are all of the lights off?!" The sounds of a commotion coming from the front of the house jolted me out of what could only be described as a sound sleep. I quickly turned to my left and was relieved to see Bella still lying beside me. I smiled to myself as the lights from the tree danced in Bella's hair, shining like multi-colored gems around her head. After our talk, we'd lain quietly hand in hand under the lights of the tree and had eventually succumbed to our weariness.

"Why the fuck are the lights off? I nearly died tripping over your damn…" Emmett's question died when he saw Bella and me under the tree.

"Edward," Bella sighed sleepily, before slowly opening her eyes. She smiled at me briefly, before turning to see Emmett standing in the doorway.

The spell was broken. She quickly let go of my hand and moved to get up from the floor.

"What time is it?" She asked, as she sat down on the couch.

"Late," I answered simply.

"Hey, Stumble B. What's going on?" Emmett asked as he tightened his hold on the football he was clutching.

"We've been, ah, talking. I was just getting ready to leave," Bella answered.

She stood up and began walking towards the door.

I followed her out into the hallway leaving a perplexed looking Emmett alone in the room.

We didn't speak as I helped her into her coat. I didn't know what to say, but didn't want her to leave with this silence hanging between us. Especially since it appeared we'd come to some sort of truce.

I opened the door and shivered as a gust of cold wind rushed past us into the warm house.

Bella walked briskly past me to the door onto the porch. She stopped and turned back to me. "Edward, when I said that I wanted to give you another chance, I meant it, but…" My heart clenched at the _"but". _

"…But the rest of the group, well, they may not be as forgiving."

"Oh." Honestly, I hadn't given the rest of the group a second thought. My focus was on repairing my relationship with Bella.

"Yeah, they've become quite protective of me. Especially Emmett and Jasper." I nodded at her words. Truthfully, I was grateful for the relationship my brother and Jasper had with her. She'd needed them when I'd had my head up my ass.

"Rose and Alice will take a lot of winning over. Well, maybe not Alice so much but Rose kind of hates you." I huffed at her words; Rose didn't _kind of hate me_. She loathed me and I wasn't one of her biggest fans either.

"And then there's Derick…" _Shit!_ I'd forgotten about him.

"Is he your boyfriend?" I asked quietly.

I got my answer as Bella's eyes sparkled briefly.

"Yes." I nodded at her confirmation.

"Okay, it looks as if I have my work cut out for me," I said solemnly.

Ever attuned to my feelings, Bella reached out and laid her hand on my arm.

"Don't worry,_ I _want you back in my life. Everyone else will just have to deal with it," she promised, giving my arm a gentle squeeze before turning and walking off the porch and down the sidewalk. I returned her wave and watched her walk away.

"You should have offered to give her a ride home, Assward." My shoulders slumped at Emmett's statement. He was right on both counts.

I threw open the closet door and grabbed my coat, while shoving my feet into the nearest pair of shoes.

"It's too late now. She's already halfway there," Emmett said scornfully as he walked past me to the stairs. He stopped halfway up and turned back. "If you hurt her again, I'll end you. Brother or not."

I watched silently as he climbed the stairs and disappeared around the corner to his room.

"I'll hold you to that," I whispered into the dark.

"If you don't move up on the ball, you'll never make that out at third!" Emmett yelled to his infield. "Get ready, here's a dinger!" The loud crack of the ball hitting the aluminum bat echoed across the field to where I was working with my pitchers.

Despite my fervent protests and what my father described as a 'teenaged girl hissy fit', mom had persevered in forcing Emmett and me to coach little league.

"Coach Edward, Max keeps missing on purpose," Alex huffed while shooting daggers at his grinning brother.

Sighing, I rubbed my temples, trying to push back the headache that was building behind my eyes.

"Max, are you doggin' it on purpose?" I asked, knowing he'd deny the accusation.

"No! Alex just sucks!" _Oh shit! _These two were a constant pain in my ass. They were also two of the best players I had. When they weren't trying to one-up each other or tear each other apart.

Mom said they were exactly like Emmett and I were at their age. I didn't take it as a compliment.

"Okay stop! Garrison, you trade with Max. Max, go join Emmett's group." Max grumbled, but hustled over to where to the infield was running drills.

"Alex, let's work on your curve ball." Alex nodded and got into position. We worked for another forty-five minutes before I called everyone in for last words.

As my team assembled in front of me, I couldn't help but feel excitement over the team that Emmett and I had had built. Little league season started in late March, so we were only two weeks away from our first game and by my estimation, we had a pretty damn good shot at being the power house team for the thirteen to fifteen year old division.

"Good work today guys. I'm happy with the improvement I've seen this week. We're two weeks away from opening day so this is no time to take our feet off the gas. I'm increasing our practices to three times a week and Saturday mornings. Okay, let's pick up our gear and I'll see you tomorrow." Like the true 'Diamond Dogs' they were, not one of them grumbled about getting up early on Saturdays for extra practice.

I'd busied myself with gathering up the balls and bats while Emmett began raking the infield, when I heard Max and Alex's raised voices.

Once again, that persistent ache behind my eyes began throbbing. Those two monkeys were at it again, only this time it looked serious. There was a group of boys I didn't recognize surrounding the brothers. Alex was in the middle motioning menacingly to the group with his arms.

I dropped the ball bag and rushed over to them before my little protégé got a beat down.

Emmett met me at the scene of the soon to be crime.

"Hey!" I yelled at them just as Max threw a punch at Alex's shoulder. Alex countered with a push to his brother's chest, causing him to stagger back into the crowd.

I pushed through the strange boys and grabbed Alex's arms while Emmett's big arms encircled Max around his waist.

"What's going on?" I demanded as we held back the two squirming boys.

"Hey, Max, you gonna let your little pip-squeak brother push you around like that?" One of the strange boys goaded Max.

"No!" Max fought against Emmett's hold.

"What's going on?!" I demanded.

"Max and these guys were making fun of me and then he let them throw my glove up on the top of the press box." Alex yelled, while glaring at his older brother.

"For the love of…" I looked up at the roof and there laid the black glove a good twenty feet off the ground.

I let go of Alex and turned my attention to Max. "Why?" I asked, simply.

"I dunno." He shrugged and shifted his attention to the ground avoiding eye contact with me.

"Well, somebody here has to have an answer," I demanded, channeling my mother.

"The kid needs to stop running his mouth about how good he is at everything. He needs to learn his place." I turned to look at the strange kid. He was a carbon copy of the boys on my team with his gangly arms, greasy face and metallic smile. I guessed he and the other three guys were Max's age or a little older.

"Who are you?" Em demanded of the interloper.

The kid pulled up his droopy jeans and stepped up to my brother. "We're friends of Max's, what's it to you, Pops?" He spat out.

Emmett's eyebrow crinkled and an evil smile slowly spread across his face. He let go of Max and within a heartbeat his hand shot out, grabbing the kid's collar and pulled him in close.

"What did you call me, _Bieber_?"

"You heard me, jockstrap!" I watched Emmett's neck turn red at the kid's lame put down. Slowly, the kid's feet left the ground as Emmett raised him up by his collar.

I had no allegiance to this pint-sized asswipe, but if I allowed Emmett to cause him any real harm, deserved or not, things would get bad for all of us in a hurry.

"Em, put the little creep down," I ordered sternly. "We don't have time for this crap."

Emmett's eyes narrowed and his hard glare shifted from the teen dangling in front of him to me. "Shove it, Edward! I'm not taking any lip from this wannabe juvenile delinquent or **you**!"

_Shit!_ Emmett and I had come to somewhat of a truce since Christmas. Albeit progress had been slow and there were still plenty of backhanded comments about my character, but he no longer constantly referred to me as 'Assward' and rarely questioned my authority on the ball field.

"Em, look around," I ordered softly and watched Emmett's eyes dart to the faces of the guys on our team. Our guys had congregated behind Alex and were watching the situation with wide, scared eyes. If he wouldn't listen to me, I knew he'd do it for our team.

Seeing the effect his hasty actions were having on our boys, Emmett grudgingly put the kid back down on the ground, but pulled him really close to whisper into his ear. I couldn't hear what he said, but the kid's face turned red and his eyes widened. He staggered back a little as Emmett finally let him go.

He caught himself quickly and turned towards his cronies. "This is lame. Max, why don't you give us a call when you wanna hang with the big dogs instead of these whiney puppies." He mock saluted my brother and then walked away with his cronies followed closely behind him.

I watched the little turd walk all the way to the parking lot before turning my attention to my own two problems.

First, I needed to separate them from the rest of the guys. "Okay, the show is over. Go home. We'll see you bright and early Saturday morning.

Everyone started walking away.

"Everyone but you two." I grabbed Alex and motioned for Em to grab Max.

"What the heck just happened?" I asked the brothers.

Predictably, Alex chimed in first. "Those big guys were calling me names and saying that I belonged in the girl's league because I couldn't pitch my way out of a wet paper bag!"

I turned to Max. "You let those guys say that about your brother?" Max shrugged his too large for his skinny body, shoulders.

I let go of Alex and rubbed both of my eyes with the heels of my hands. I swear, these two were going to give me an ulcer before I was twenty years old. And I was only with them ten hours a week. No wonder their mom always looked so tired when she dropped them off for practice. These two were going to send her to an early grave.

As much as I wanted to send these two on their way so I could go home and drown my sorrows in a glass of milk and piece of mom's chocolate cake, I was the authority figure here and I had to deal with this problem.

Finally Max spoke up. "He started it!"

"How?" I asked.

"He's always following us around."

"So what?" I asked.

"It's annoying! And when mom makes me take him with us, all he does is brag about how good of a pitcher he is and how he could take all of us on the field or threatens to tattle to mom over every little thing we do!"

"I am good!" _Not now kid!_

"You're a brat and I'm tired of having to do stuff with you just because we're related! Those older guys like me! I want to have my own friends and do my own thing without my little brother hanging around!" Alex's previously defensive posture sagged a bit and the color left his face as he listened to his older brother's declaration.

As a little brother, I felt the need to stand up for my own kind. "So, that gives you the right to allow other people to say mean things to him and make him feel badly about himself? All to be accepted by a bunch of saggy-panted idiots? Max, he's your teammate. Not only that, but he's younger, smaller and more vulnerable to those bullies! It's your job to protect him against people like that! I'm so disappointed in you, Max!"

"Gee, Edward, aren't you kind of an expert at throwing someone you're supposed to protect aside for a little popularity?" Emmett asked, accusingly as both Max and Alex's eyes got wide and their mouths clamped shut.

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

The tenuous threads of the amends afghan I'd been slowly weaving since Bella had given me another chance was unraveling. He was right. I was an expert at being an asshole.

Emmett hadn't forgiven me for what I'd done. I would still have to work on earning back my big brother's acceptance. But maybe I could help these brothers' not end up on the same dead end road as Emmett and I were on?

I took a deep breath and put a hand on both of the boy's shoulders, basically standing in between them as some kind of a middle man. Emmett backed up and stood with his arms crossed over his chest. He was giving me a chance to fix this.

"Look, I know that wanting to be accepted by those older guys sounds like the only thing in the world that matters. You have no idea how much I understand, but believe me you won't want their friendship when you realize how much you will lose to gain it." Max scoffed in disbelief. "No, really. When you discover, and you will, that those guys will never be real friends to you, you'll be left with nothing but broken relationships and you may not get the chance to fix them. If they want to be your friends for real, they won't make you turn on your brother or anyone else. They'll accept you for you. Listen to me Max, I know firsthand how this works and I know the pain of losing the people that mean the most to you because you were too busy being a dick to see that you already had everyone you needed." I quickly looked at my brother, his eyes had softened a bit and he nodded slightly in my direction as if to say, _"go on."_

"But I want to be one of the cool guys," Max softly whispered.

"Cool? You don't think you're cool?" I asked. He shook his head and looked to the ground. "Dude, you're the best catcher in the league." I felt Alex stiffen at my praise of his brother's skills. I pushed on his shoulder and he relaxed a bit.

"Really?" Max asked skeptically.

"Are you serious? Not only are you the best catcher but you're also one of the best first basemen we have not to mention you're the one that gets the team revved up and ready to play. You encourage everyone and you never quit. You're our leader."

Max looked to Emmett for confirmation. "He's right. You're the heart of the team." Em confirmed and then added his own thoughts. "You've got an arm that won't quit; you call out the outs and keep everyone's heads in the game. All of the guys take their cues from you. I happen to think you're pretty damn cool." Max's face broke out into a huge smile.

"Really?" He asked again.

"Do I look like the kind of guy who would hang out with uncool dudes?" Emmett asked.

Max shook his head. "You're damn right I wouldn't! And let me tell you this, that little thug…what's his name?" Em asked.

"Trevor."

"Yeah, well I promise you that underneath those stupid saggy jeans and dumb haircut, that kid is wishing he was as cool as you are. And I don't mean just because you're a jock." Max stood a little taller when Emmett referred to him as a jock. "You're smart, funny, kind, you help where you're needed and people can count on you. And that's the coolest type of guy you can be."

"Thanks," Max whispered.

Emmett smiled and walked up to clap a hand on Max's back. "You're welcome. Now, you and I are gonna figure out a way to get that glove off the roof." I watched them walk towards the garden shed.

"Coach Edward, do you think I'm a brat?" I sighed at Alex's question and turned to address the sad looking eleven year old kid standing next to me.

"Buddy…"

"It's okay. Everyone does," he said sadly.

I didn't sign up for this stuff! I knew how to play baseball. I was supposed to teach these guys how to throw the ball, hit the ball and catch the ball. This stuff pre-teen and teen angsty crap was way above my pay grade.

"Alex, I don't think you're a brat. More like enthusiastic."

"Huh?" Okay, this wasn't going to be easy.

"Look, I'm a little brother too," I sighed. "I know what it's like. I was the one following the big guys around doing anything I could to get their attention. Mom used to make Emmett take me with him and he hated it. I knew he hated it, but I tagged along anyway. I just wanted to be part of the group."

He nodded in understanding; his face was scrunched up in thought. "Was Coach Emmett mean to you? Would he have let those guys throw your glove up on the roof?"

I thought back. Was Em mean to me? He poked fun at me. He used to tease me about my hair and eye lashes, calling me Edwina. But was he mean? No. Not even when I was being an asshole. Looking back, everything Emmett did to me during that time was his way of letting me know how disappointed he was and how much more he expected of me. The guy wore tights for most of his adolescent life and had dreams of making it big on stage and yet he never changed or denied who he was for acceptance. Emmett is the football stud of Forks high and could own that school and everyone in it if he wanted to. Instead he was a friend to everyone, no matter what their social standing and never backed down from protecting those he loved. My big brother was the best person I knew and all he'd expected of me was to be myself.

"No," I said honestly. "Emmett may have poked fun at me a little, it's what big brothers do. But he would have kicked those boys butts if they'd messed with me."

"Then why did Max do it?"

"Because Max is confused. He thinks that he needs to impress those guys. He doesn't want them to hurt you, he just lost site of what and who is really important. Alex, you have to understand something, you have a lot of talent." His face broke out into a big smile at my praise. "But you can't rub everyone's nose in it. Especially your teammates and your brother."

"Do you really think I'm good?" What was it with these kids and the low self-esteem?

"Are you kidding me?"

He shook his head solemnly.

"Dude, you're the only eleven year old on the team. You're playing up two levels! If I didn't think you were good enough to be here, believe me, you wouldn't be. But you need to understand that this is a team sport. Every win is a _team_ win, every loss a _team_ loss. You play for the whole team not yourself because without them backing you up, you're just a guy throwing a ball. They know you're good but they can choose to make you look really good or really bad." I worried for a minute that I'd been talking to far over his sixth grade level, but he nodded his head in understanding.

"That's why Max was letting my pitches get by him today? Because I was being cocky and he wanted it to look as if I was missing the mark? He was taking me down a peg."

The little dude was very astute for his age. "Exactly. It's what big brother's do to keep their cocky little brothers from growing up to be giant jerks."

Alex smiled widely up at me. "Then you have the best big brother in the world because you're not even a little bit jerky." I stumbled back a step when he threw his arms around my waist in an awkward hug.

_If he only knew._

"Thanks, buddy," I replied sincerely, patting him on the back. Standing there in our awkward hug, I realized that this kid's acceptance meant more to me than those jerks I'd tried to impress.

Alex moved back and ended the awkward bro' hug. "Hey, whaddya say we go see how Max and Emmett are making out?" He nodded enthusiastically and we set off to where Emmett was just coming down the ladder with the glove.

"Hold it still, Max!" Despite all of his athleticism, my brother still had a problem with high ladders.

"I got it!" Max yelled up to him.

"Here you go, buddy." Em tossed Alex his glove once his feet hit terra firma.

"Thanks, Coach Emmett."

"Sure. Your brother helped too."

Alex took a step forward. "Thank you, Max." I was proud of my little buddy for making the first move.

"You're welcome. I'm sorry it happened." Both brothers nodded at each other. I had stifle a laugh, they really did act like Emmett and me.

"So, we good here?" Alex and I nodded at Em's question.

The honking of a car horn rang out in the park. We all turned to see Max and Alex's mom waiting in the parking lot.

"You guys better get going. We'll see you on Saturday." The boys grabbed their bags and ran off toward the waiting car.

Em and I finished dressing the field and then made our own way to the parking lot.

As if the forced co-coaching wasn't enough, mom had decreed that since we were both going to the same place we should ride together. Grudgingly, Emmett had been giving me a ride to practice, so we both climbed into his SUV.

"Edward, what you said today about how the older brother's job is to take care of the younger brother…" I nodded. "Well, I think I may have failed you."

"What?" I turned towards him in the cab of the truck. "No, what happened was all my fault."

"Still, I should have kicked your ass when you started acting like a douche. I saw the influence those guys had over you…I knew it was wrong, but you'd wanted to be on the team for so long-I didn't want to mess up your chances. But that shit you pulled with Bella…fuck man! That was absolutely the shittiestfuckingshit you could've pulled. She fucking loves you and you let those guys treat her like a goddamn disease!" His voice got louder and my head dipped lower as he continued. He wasn't saying anything new but I felt like I owed it to him to get it all out.

"Look, I'm going to try really hard to lighten up on you. What you said today, with the boys, I heard you loud and clear. You know what you did wrong and if Stumble B can give you a second chance, so can I."

Before I could speak, he started up the car and busied himself with driving us home.

I stared out the window and thought about the long climb ahead of me, but I knew that I would do anything I could to not disappoint the people I cared about. I also knew that with my big brother on my side, I would make that climb and I would make it up to all the people I'd hurt.

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><p><strong>Well? What did you all think? The next chapter will center around our two main players. <strong>

**Hope to see you there! **

**ruinedbyrob**


	31. Chapter 31

**Here's an extra long chapter to make up for the late update. I can't thank you enough for your patience.**

**Big thanks to my beta, Mullet86 for going over and over this chapter fine tuning my words and correcting my punctuation. Love ya, Babs!**

**Disclaimer: As always I don't own Twilight. But I sure do enjoy ripping their hearts out with teenage angst and then putting them back together. **

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><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 31**

~~BPOV~~

"You know, we could get a couple of hotel rooms and let the _magic happen._" My whole body cringed at Alice's suggestion. I've always hated Valentine's Day. I'd always thought it was because I was destined to die alone in the dark with empty cans of Cherry Coke and discarded bags of Oreo cookies littering my body. Now, I hated the cliché riddled holiday for an entirely different reason. Since this was my first Valentine's Day with a boyfriend, the pressure to make a grand romantic gesture was weighing heavily on me. Not to mention that since the girls had discovered the full extent of my sexual inexperience, they'd been trying to come up with ways I could make up for lost time.

"Um, I don't think so, Alice."

"Why? Don't you want to lose your V-card?" She asked skeptically.

Of course I did. _Eventually._ When the time was right and with the right guy. Neither one of those conditions existed at the moment.

Instead of trying to explain to her and Rose why I was content with my virginal status, I just shrugged.

"Bella, what's the problem?"

"Alice, leave her alone," Rose demanded, earning herself a glare from our petite friend.

"She's just scared," Alice said, turning back towards me. "There's nothing to be scared about. Just a quick pinch and then there's awesome touching, stroking and oh my God, the stroking…" I shifted in my seat as Alice's face got all blotchy and her eyes got a funny far-away look in her eyes.

"For the love of …holy shit! Alice, are you about to come?!" Rose exclaimed with disgust.

I'd been privy to many frank sex discussions between the girls and yet I still couldn't get comfortable when they spoke about orgasms and "awesome stroking".

"No!" Alice declared, indignantly, but the blush on her face betrayed her.

"Just because you and Jasper have finally managed to play _naked twister _doesn't mean that Bella and Derick have to take a turn _right now_."

"I'll have you both know that _my man_ is amazing at that game. And many others, including _naked leapfrog_." She boasted as her lips turned up into a slight curve. Not quite a sneer, but also not quite a smile either.

My stomach churned at the mental image of my cousin and Alice engaged in naked versions of favorite childhood games.

"I just don't want her to miss out on anything." Alice pouted.

"She's eighteen, _not eighty_!" Rose rolled her eyes. "Besides, who says Derick is the _one_?"

"Oh please! We all know that Derick is perfect for her," Alice exclaimed, dismissing Rose's question with an indelicate snort and wave of her hand.

I don't know how Alice could be so sure that Derick was the _one_ when I wasn't. Lately, my feelings for Derick had become, for lack of a better word, muddled. He was still the cute and sweet guy that held my hand as we watched movies at Charlie's house. Yes, Charlie had learned of Derick's existence in my life and from all accounts he was quite pleased. I don't know exactly what I expected from the man that had hardly acknowledged my existence for the last ten years, but I'm fairly certain most fathers' don't exclaim, "Thank goodness" and asked if he could call the boy that had, on several occasions, fondled his daughter's boobs, _son_. It just didn't seem normal. Derick was still the guy who never missed a chance to tell me how pretty I looked or never hesitated to open a door for me, but I was starting to get the feeling that all of that wasn't enough.

Over the last six months, I'd spent a lot of time with Derick. At first it was easy to overlook the fact that he'd never seen what I considered the real Star Wars movies, he didn't have any idea that Deadpool's favorite food is chimichangas, or understood that in a heated game of Star Wars Monopoly, you NEVER put a space station on Tattooine when you don't also own Endor!

It's not as if we didn't get along, we did. However, I was beginning to worry that when it came down to it, Derick and I didn't have enough in common to sustain our relationship. We didn't have the same tastes in movies, books, music-pretty much the only thing we had in even slightly common was an appreciation for muscle cars. Even that was tenuous at best since I really knew nothing about them other than I like the way they looked and sounded. He could talk for hours about headers and lifters.

What was becoming more apparent was how much I'd missed hanging out with Edward. Once I'd made the decision to forgive him, we easily fell into our old routines and were readily becoming the old Bella and Edward.

I couldn't deny that the boy who _had_ left me broken was slowly working his way back into my life and my heart.

But then Derick had never broken my heart into a million pieces either.

"Bella, what's got your brows all crinkled up?" Rose asked.

"Nothing." I shrugged, avoiding both of their quizzical looks.

Alice gave me a scrutinizing look before declaring, "She's lying."

"Yep." Rose agreed.

I sighed at them. "You want to know what I'm thinking?" They both nodded.

"Fine. First, I'm thinking about how much therapy it's going to take until the images of Alice and _my cousin_ playing naked…naked _anything_ is out of my head." Alice smiled cheekily at my statement. She clearly had no qualms about sharing the vivid details of her love life with us. "And secondly, I'm thinking about why my losing or keeping _my_ virginity is being decided by committee." I stated huffily and grabbed an orange out of the bowl on the table. I peeled my snack in the silence hoping they would both drop the subject as I didn't want to discuss why I wasn't on a hurry to lose my virginity to Derick.

Alice finally had the decency to look a tiny bit shamed. "Bella, we just don't want you to make the wrong choice."

"Unlike, Alice, I'm not pushing you to do anything. But I will second her thought about you making the wrong choice," Rose voiced her two cents.

I set my snack down onto the table, wiping the juice from my fingers daintily on my napkin and gave them my full attention. I had a bad feeling I wouldn't be happy with what they said next. "What do you mean by 'wrong choice'?"

They gave each other a long look. Alice spoke first. "As much as I'm fine with you looking past what Edward did and giving him another chance," Rose huffed at the mention of Edward's name. Alice silenced her with a reproachful look. "We're afraid you'll forget how lucky you are to have someone like Derick."

"Uh, huh, and?" I demanded. I knew they had more to say.

The girls shared a knowing look before Rose nodded at Alice to go ahead.

"Um, well, it's just that we know you had_ feelings_ for Edward and we don't want you to start thinking that there's a chance he might feel the same way and mess up what you have with Derick."

Alice couldn't have hurt me more if she'd hit me with a ball bat. I thought I'd grown so much over the last year, but with once sentence, all of my old insecurities came rushing back. "You mean you don't want me to forget that someone like Edward is out of my league? Oh, don't worry. I know that an ugly cow like me has no right to try and reach that high. Or are you telling me that I should fall to my knees in gratitude that anyone would ever want to be with me?" I spat at them angrily.

They both looked horrified at my statement.

_Good!_

"Bella, we didn't mean…"

"You can't seriously believe…" Both girls started talking at the same time, so I took the opportunity to keep talking.

"I'm not stupid. I know Edward doesn't feel that way about me. I understand that I'm not the kind of girl who gets to love that kind of boy." The mouths of my two friends dropped open in surprise at my declaration.

Rose recovered first. "Shut up!" She ordered me. "That's not what we meant at all!" I snorted and looked away from them.

"Bella, we really didn't mean that the way it sounded." Alice's big eyes pleaded with me to believe her.

"We just don't want you to get hurt." My expression stayed blank as Rose spoke.

I knew they cared about me. Their actions had more than once proven that to me. But the knowledge that I did love Edward and the thought that I was once again setting myself up for heartache bothered me more than I could express. I realized that I was taking out my own fears of opening my heart back up to Edward out on the two of them, but I was powerless to stop the feelings that were building up.

I flinched slightly when Alice laid a comforting hand over mine. "Bella, we just don't want you to get hurt. We know you and Edward had a very close friendship before, it's just…"

"It's just that you can't trust his ass. He already betrayed you once for a piece of ass and a little popularity," Rose said harshly.

My whole body deflated at her inference that Edward and Tanya had been intimate.

Alice's grip on my hand intensified as she turned to address our out-spoken friend. "Rose, why do you always have to apply everything with the force of a hammer?"

"Because, some people enjoy having their fingers _smashed_ and the only way to get them to stop, is to remind them of how painful it was the last time they did it!" Rose's eyes were narrowed and Alice's lips were pinched tightly as they glared at each other.

"That doesn't give you the right to be a bitch."

"Eat me, shortie!"

"Guys, stop. Don't be mad at each other." I implored them.

I squirmed a little in my chair as their attention returned to me. I didn't want to think about what Rose meant by, 'piece of ass' nor had I forgotten what Edward had done to me. But I could appreciate what they were saying.

"I understand what you're saying and I appreciate you both for being so protective of me, I really do. But my feelings for Derick have nothing to do with Edward." Despite the harsh words they'd just thrown at each other, they both shared the same skeptic look as they turned their attention back to me.

"It's just that the more time I spend with Edward, the more I'm reminded of how little Derick and I really have in common." Alice opened her mouth to protest, I quickly cut her off. "It's not that Derick isn't great, he is. I enjoy being with him. I just don't know where we go from here. We graduate in two months and then I'm off to college. He has another year of high school left." I shrugged and went back to snacking on my orange.

"So, you enjoy his body now and cut him loose at the end of the summer. Once we hit UW, you'll have your pick of the guys."

"Are you insane?" I spat out, choking on my orange slice. Alice quickly smacked me on the back, saving me from certain death.

"No." Rose answered simply, she raised an eyebrow, daring me to disagree.

"I think you need a second opinion. I never have, nor will I _**ever**_ have my pick of guys." My voice raised an octave at their ridiculous assertion.

"Bella, you have your pick of two guys _now_." My head whipped so quickly towards Alice that my vision had to catch up with the movement.

"So, you're both nuts." I stated simply.

Alice sighed and shook her head at me like a mother would an errant child. "Derick never lets you open a door, move a chair or lift a thing yourself. Edward uses your shared love of anything comic book or Star Wars to get and keep your attention. He doesn't want to share you with Derick. I can't believe you don't see that." "Derick is my boyfriend, of course he does nice things like that for me. Emmett and Jasper do that for you guys too." I reminded them as I scooped up my orange peelings and got up to throw it away.

"Yeah, sure they do. But that's because they know we're the best things to ever happen to them." Alice stated matter-of-factly.

"And if they didn't treat us like that, we'd kick their asses." Rose assured.

"Derick treats you like a princess."

I bristled at the thought that I was a princess. I was never _that kind_ of girl. "But that's my point, Alice. He does it because we're together. His behavior isn't out of the ordinary."

"Fine. Forget Derick. How do you explain Edward's behavior?"

I leaned heavily onto the counter top and tried to decipher what Alice meant. As far as I could tell, Edward was back to normal. Maybe he swore a bit more than he used to, but no more than Jasper and not nearly as much as Emmett. Gone was the total ass that was on display when I first moved back to Forks. He didn't hang around with those jerks from the team anymore. In fact, as far as I could tell, if he wasn't with us or with his little league team, he was alone in his room reading or watching movies.

"You don't know what you're talking about. Edward is acting like the old Edward. There's nothing to explain."

"Bella, do me a favor, the next time you're together, pay attention to how Edward acts towards you. I mean _really_ pay attention. I think you'll be surprised at what you see."

I gave Alice a half-hearted nod before turning around to wash my hands. I would do as she asked, but I knew there wasn't anything to see. Edward would never feel that way towards me.

February came and went without me _losing_ anything and without catching Edward making googily eyes at me or pledging his undying love, though Alice still insisted that his jealousy was showing up loud and clear.

I hardly saw Edward in February or the first part of March. He and Emmett were super busy with their baseball team, but he called nightly to give me the rundown on the day's practice and to retell the latest story about his two favorite players, Max and Alex. It was so funny to hear him praise them one minute and then talk about wanting to wring their necks the next. They drove him crazy with their sibling fighting but I could hear the genuine fondness he had for those boys in his voice as he retold their latest exploits. He'd made me promise to attend their first game, so today we were all taking our places in the stands to support the Forks Tigers.

"I swear to God, the next time Emmett asks me to swing by his house and grab his stupid cooler, I'm going to tell him he can kiss …count me in, because it's all about teamwork." Miraculously, Rose was able to censor herself just in time as a group of Tigers rounded the dugout just as she was about to not so kindly, inform Emmett where on her anatomy he could place his lips. The cooler in question was full of Emmett's game time snacks. He was beefing up for college draft days so the cooler was full of high protein snacks and enough Gatorade to keep a small army hydrated. We'd been taking turns lugging the heavy thing all the way from Alice's car, I could empathize with her anger.

"Hey guys!" Rose addressed the boys dressed in their squeaky clean new uniforms. "Can you point me to where Coach Emmett is hanging out?" She fluttered her eye lashes and smiled widely.

"He's, um,um, he's on the field." The blonde boy was clearly dazzled by Rose's beauty, as he was barely able to get the words out before drool appeared at the corners of his mouth. The dark haired boy was so gone, all he could do was stare.

Not one to pass up a chance to use her wiles on the opposite sex, Rose asked the boys to go get Emmett. Without another word, they ran off in the direction of the field in a dead heat.

"Rosalie Jacqueline Hale, did you just dazzle those two pre-teens with your feminine wiles?" Alice accused. We were both laughing at her display.

Rose smirked at Alice, "I sure as hell did. Did you think I'm going to trudge all the way out there with this damn thing?" She pointed to the heavy cooler. "Nu, huh, not this woman. If Emmett wants his meat, he can come and get it. I'm done." With that, she walked away and began climbing up the stands, leaving the cooler sitting on the ground. I shrugged at Alice and followed Rose up the stands.

"I'm never going to get a good tan before prom if the temperature doesn't cooperate." Rose complained, zipping up her jacket as a cool wind whipped up the stands. Senior prom was still six weeks away, yet Alice and Rose were already making plans. I'd managed to avoid most of their discussions. I knew that my luck was running out.

I'd eventually have to answer their questions about my plans for the dance and I was scared to death because I had no answers.

"I know!" Alice exclaimed. "Just look at my legs, they're positively see- through."

Alice squealed as Rose slapped her bare leg. "I don't know about see-through, but they're sure covered with goose pimples. Damn, girl, why would you wear shorts? It's barely fifty degrees out here!"

"It may be only fifty degrees, but the sun is out. I'm taking advantage of nature when I can." Alice propped her white legs up onto the aluminum stands and leaned back onto her elbows, allowing the sun to shine onto her face.

"I can get behind that!" Rose followed Alice's lead and leaned back.

"What about you Bella?"

I glanced at Alice. "What about me?"

Alice lowered her sunglasses and looked at me over the lenses. "Well, for someone who grew up in a hot and sunny state, you sure don't tan well. Don't you want to try and get a tan before prom?"

I shrugged and focused my attention on the ball field. My eyes immediately fell on Edward. He was to the side of the dugout talking animatedly to one of his players. You could say what you wanted about Edward, but no one could deny that he sure could fill out a baseball uniform. I grinned when he turned around to show the words _'Coach Edward'_ on the back of his jersey. He was so proud of the shirt; he'd brought it over to Aunt Janet's the minute he'd gotten it. Since he and Emmett were both coaches and both Cullens, they'd decided to go by their first names, though it was agreed that Edward was the head coach. Surprisingly, Emmett hadn't fought at all about naming Edward as the leader. Edward had remarked that it was the first time his brother had ever shown any kind of reverence for his baseball talent.

"You really need to start thinking about your dress." Alice poked me in the side. I swatted her hand away.

"Port Angeles trip?" She asked Rose.

"Definitely." Rose agreed.

Sighing, I tore my eyes from Edward to look at them. "Guys, look, I don't know what's going on with prom. So don't include me in any plans." I still hadn't dealt with my doubts regarding mine and Derick's relationship. The last thing on my mind was prom. Much less finding a dress.

Ignoring the choked noises coming from Alice, I directed my attention to the field where the umpire was calling the coaches to home plate for the start of the game. I have to admit that watching Edward and Emmett stand shoulder to shoulder at home plate as co-coaches, was heartwarming. I hated that there had been such a divide between them and was delighted to see their relationship was mending.

With the line-ups approved, Edward motioned for his team to take the field.

"I should have grabbed one of Em's Gatorades. Anyone want a drink from the concession stand?" Rose asked, as she got up from the stands.

"I'd kill for a Diet Coke."

"Okay. Bella, anything for you?"

"I'd like a water." Rose nodded and sashayed down the stands.

With the warm ups over, the first batter made his way to the plate. I could see the name _Smalling _printed on the back of the catcher's jersey. I assumed that was Max, the older boy of the _Dynamic Duo_. I leaned forward in my seat, concentrating on the smaller boy on the pitcher's mound, whom I assumed was Alex. I knew that Edward was a little worried about starting him today. He was younger than the other kids, but had the talent and ego of a much older player. Unfortunately, he also had the opening day jitters. I figured Edward was up there trying to calm him down as he warmed up. I wondered how the boy was holding up. The only pitcher I'd ever paid any attention to was Edward and I hadn't done that in a whole year. From the ease that Max was catching the pitches and the pleased expression on Edward's face, I assumed Alex was doing well. The ump called for balls in, signaling the start if the game. Edward gave the kid one more pat on the back and left the mound to join Emmett in the dugout.

"Bella, you're not listening to me," Alice stated, flatly.

"Sorry. What did you need?" The first batter was at the plate, my hands clenched and my shoulders tensed in anticipation of the first pitch.

"I asked how you expect to get a dress for the prom if you don't intend to go to PA with Rose and me?"

Alice's question wafted around my ears like an annoying gnat. I ignored her, turning my attention back to Alex, on the mound. The ball made a loud smack as it hit the middle of Max's glove.

"Strike one!" The ump yelled. On their own accord, my hands unclenched and clapped loudly with the rest of the Tiger fans.

As the clapping died down and Alex prepared to throw again, I was lost to the game. I didn't even notice that Rose had returned with my water until the fifth inning.

As the teams changed for the top of the inning, I stretched my legs and leaned back onto the warm bleacher. After avoiding anything to do with baseball for the last year, it felt good to get back out to the field. The sun had finally come out of the clouds after the third inning. It still wasn't very warm but the metal bleachers were doing a decent job of retaining some radiant heat and the rays felt warm on my face.

Alice and Rose were both looking at me intently as I stretched my tight muscles. "What?" I demanded as I cracked open the bottle and took a long drink. I'd been cheering the whole game and hadn't realized how dry my throat was.

"I had no idea you were such a little league baseball enthusiast. Or is it their coach that has you so enthralled?"

"I like baseball." I shrugged at Alice's question. She knew my step-father was a professional player, right?

"Uh, huh. Something makes me think that it's not the competition on the field that has you smiling." Alice and Rose shared a knowing look.

Disregarding their insinuation, I clapped and whistled as the Tigers took the field to start the next inning. By the bottom of the sixth inning, the Tigers led the Pirates by two runs. Due to Alex's age, he was only allowed to pitch a total of seventy pitches. By my calculations, Edward would have to replace him soon. As predicted, after he struck out the first two batters but then walked the next three, Edward walked out onto the mound and motioned for Max to meet him there. I clapped and yelled for Alex as he left the game. Max gave him a pat on the back and then welcomed the new pitcher. Edward looked up and gave me a small wave and a smile before following Alex off the field. At the top of the seventh inning, the bases were loaded with two outs. The Tigers led the Pirates by one run. If the Tiger's defense continued to shut the Pirate's down, the game would be over.

With two outs and the bases loaded, our pitcher took his position. The stands fell quiet as he reared back to throw. I glanced quickly at the dugout. The entire Tiger bench was crowded up against the fence with Emmett and Edward on either end.

"Ball!" The ump held up three fingers on his left hand and two fingers on his right, indicating that the batter had a count of three balls and two strikes. One more ball and we would walk in a run, giving the Pirates another chance at taking the lead. If we could strike this batter out, the game was over and the Tigers would win their first game of the season.

I crossed my fingers and leaned forward in my seat, willing the pitcher to throw a strike.

"CRACK!" The hard hit ball went straight up.

"Behind you!" Everyone screamed. Max immediately threw off his mask and frantically searched the sky for the ball. If he managed to catch it, it would count as an out and the game would be over.

I watched breathlessly as Max's long legs coiled up and then propelled him high into the air. His left hand stretched out and he snatched the ball out of the air.

"Batter is out!"

"They won! Edward won!"

"We know!" Alice yelled back at me. Both girls were clapping, but their eyes were on me.

"What?" Lately I felt as if all I did was ask that question.

Alice just shook her head and followed Rose down the rapidly emptying stands. I grabbed my empty water bottle and hurried to join them at the dugout.

"Garrison, way to stop that advancing runner at third base. You saved us a run in the third inning." A tall blond boy beamed at Edward's compliment.

"Alex, you pitched a great six innings." The boys all applauded the smaller boy who was smiling widely at their praise. "You pitched a total of sixty pitches with fifteen strike outs." Edward patted Alex on the shoulder.

"And, Max, wow! That catch was amazing. Way to hustle behind the plate! Let's all give ourselves a pat on the back. We won our first game! Let's keep working hard and make sure it's not our last. Good job everyone!" Everyone clapped and then the boys began gathering up their equipment.

"Baby Cakes!" Rose let out an uncharacteristic giggle as Emmett came from behind, picked her up and planted a giant kiss on her lips. I held in a giggle as I watched the reactions of the boys that were still in the dugout. The boys stopped gathering their equipment and stared in rapt attention at the public display, their eyes widened and mouths dropped open while Alex looked as if he'd just drank a glass of vinegar. Apparently, Alex was still a little young for the whole girl/boy thing.

"Not in front of the team!" Edward yelled at his brother. His face shared Alex's look of disgust.

Laughing, Emmett and Rose pulled apart. Both had the decency to look slightly embarrassed at the show they'd just put on.

"Bella, thanks for coming out today." The smile on Edward's face was contagious.

"You're welcome. It was a great game."

"Yeah, they didn't do half bad." He teased while playfully ruffling Alex's hair. The younger boy made a show of pushing Edward's hands away from this hair, but from the smile on his face, you could tell that he was eating up the attention from his coach.

"So, um, this is Alex." Edward gave the young boy a playful nudge.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Bella." I shook Alex's awkwardly offered hand.

"You're Bella?" I nodded in answer to the smiling boy.

"Coach Cullen talks about you _all_ _the time_." Alex offered with a sly smile directed at his coach.

"He does?" Alex nodded and comically waggled both eyebrows at Edward. Instantly, Edward's face took on an uncharacteristic blush.

"You did it **again**?!" I couldn't deal with that kind of heartbreak again.

I felt heat rise to my cheeks and unconsciously took a step away from him, frantically looking for Alice and Rose.

Understanding flashed across Edward's face. He immediately reached out and grabbed my left arm. "Bella, no! Not like that. Never again. I promise." He pleaded. I felt my hands begin to shake, Edward increased his hold on my arm.

"I can't do that again, Edward. You hurt me too much the last time." My voice waivered with emotion as the words he'd said to his last teammates, raced through my mind. When I forgave him, I thought I'd moved on or at least was able to trust him again.

Once sentence uttered by an eleven year old boy, proved me wrong.

I pulled harder on my arm, causing Edward to let go. "I can't do it again. How could you that to me again?" I turned and started walking away promising myself that I would not shed another tear over that boy.

"Bella, please…" He implored as he took my arm and halted my escape.

"Let me go," I ordered without turning to look at him. I would not let him see me break down.

"I said only good things, only the truth! Please don't go." He whispered the last three words. I couldn't see his face, but I recognized the sound of hurt in his voice.

Ignoring the sound of my head screaming to walk away forever, I took a deep breath and turned to look at him.

I'd seen Edward angry, excited, sad, cocky and happy. I'd never seen him look like this. He was breathing heavily in gasps and his face was drained of color. If I didn't know better, he looked like he might pass out or throw up.

I felt a tentative touch on my right hand. With my body all tense and ready to make a break for Alice's car, I hesitantly pulled my eyes away from Edward to see Alex's hand laying gently on mine. As soon as I glanced into his big blue eyes, he began speaking rapidly. "When he thinks we're doggin' it in the field, he threatens to have his best friend, Bella come out and show us how to play with passion. He never says we throw like girls, because that would be insulting to girls. He and Coach Emmett are always talking about what a good cook you are and they fight over the cookies you make for us. And when I make fun of my brother and the other guys for acting all goofy around girls, he says that when I get a little older and if I'm lucky, I'll find someone like you and understand why they're acting like that." He paused and took a deep breath. "Please don't be mad at him. He only says good things. I promise." Alex's eyes darted to Edward. He was clearly concerned about his coach.

"Alex, could you give us a minute?" Edward asked, giving the younger boy a tight smile.

The boy nodded slowly, his shoulders were slightly hunchedI watched him walk back to the bench where his brother and parents were waiting.

"I understand why you would react that way and I don't blame you for jumping to that conclusion, but you have to know that I learned my lesson and would never make that mistake again." My eyes misted up at his softly spoken words.

"Bella, I don't know what else to do to make you believe me. Please tell me what to do to make things right once and for all because I'm out of ideas." He sighed heavily before adding, "I won't be able to handle losing you again." I closed my eyes at his hoarse admission.

It suddenly dawned on me that he was afraid I'd walk away. Edward Cullen didn't want _me _to leave _him_. I opened my eyes and saw an emotion I've never seen before on his beautiful face; vulnerability.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I jumped to conclusions, I do trust you."

"Really?" He asked tentatively. I couldn't blame him for asking, he'd been on the receiving end of the blame for a while.

"Yes, really. I was being stupid. When Alex said that you'd talked about me all I could think about was the last…" I hadn't finished my sentence before Edward stepped forward, put his arms around me and pulled me against him in a tight hug.

"Don't say it," he murmured into my hair. "I'll never be able to completely erase what I did. I understand why you reacted the way you did. Are we okay?" I nodded against his sun warmed shoulder. In reaction to my non-verbal answer, his arms clutched me tighter.

It felt so right being held by Edward. But then it always had. Alice and Rose had been correct in their warning. I'd been lying to myself. I thought I was over him.

I wanted to be over him.

I was wrong.

So very wrong.

I knew allowing those old feelings to creep back in was dangerous. I understood that I would have to make some difficult decisions about my relationship with Derick and that the repercussions could be hurtful for both of us.

In spite of all that, I stayed in his arms.

"I never want this feeling to end." I whispered to myself, reveling in the feeling of being surrounded by my Edward.

"Me either." His low words pulled me out of my haze.

I pulled away just enough so I could look into his eyes.

"Edward…what did you mean?" His gaze was a steady glow of jade and his mouth was curled into a crooked grin, but my question went unanswered as Emmett's loud voice boomed out.

"Stumble B, are you okay? " Emmett's question startled me. I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with the fall out of our friends witnessing our hug I began pulling out of Edward's arms only to have him hold me tighter.

"Edward, I told you what would happen if you fucked up again." Edward stiffened at Em's threat but didn't let go of me.

"Step off Em! She's fine." Edward turned so that my face was hidden from the gang's questioning eyes.

"If she's fine, let her go." Rose demanded. I imagined she had her hands on her hips and was directing an icy glare towards Edward as she spoke.

"Bella?" It was Alice's soft spoken question that spurred me to action. She'd only said my name but what she was really asking forced my action as I didn't have any answers.

Sighing, I pulled away from Edward, ignoring his attempts to hold onto me.

"Guys, I'm fine. I was just congratulating Edward on the win." I smiled uneasily. Edward frowned at my words but stayed silent.

"You know I'm a coach too, right?" Em asked.

I opened my arms to him. "Of course I know. Great job coach." Em's hug while comforting, didn't make me feel the way I felt wrapped in his brother's arms. And that knowledge wasn't going to let me sleep easy tonight.

"So, pizza?" Leave it to Emmett to break the awkward silence.

Emmett's stomach wouldn't be denied. He quickly decided that everybody would regroup at Jeff's Pizza.

I avoided the questioning looks from both girls and Edward by offering to help Emmett lug his cooler and gear to the parking lot. Over Em's chatter about the game, I could hear bits of the conversation behind us, Alice's voice being the most prominent with occasional responses from Edward and Rose.

"Thanks for the help, B." Emmett slammed the trunk of Edward's car after we loaded his giant cooler.

"No problem." Anything to avoid dealing with the emotional chaos going on in my head.

"So, Edward and I'll meet you all there?" Emmett proposed, while impatiently jiggling the locked passenger door.

"Why don't you go with Alice? I'm sure you'd prefer riding with your girlfriend and Bella can ride with me." Edward clicked open the locked door after admonishing his brother's impatience with a frown.

Hmmm, share a small, enclosed space with the boy who once again is turning my life upside down or ride with the Alice and Rose and be inundated with questions I wouldn't be able to answer.

_So, basically my choices were death or death? _

"Dude, there's no way I can squeeze into that clown car." Emmett pointed towards Alice's fire engine red, _Fiat_. Emmett made a good point, considering I could barely sit comfortably in her tiny car.

"Yep, Emmett is much too big for my little car. I guess us girls will just have to meet you guys. Ladies, shall we?" Alice spoke rapidly, ending all discussion and ushered us towards her car.

"Bella, there's room if you want to…"

"I'm good riding with Alice." I quickly answered Edward before waving and climbed into the back seat of the toy car.

From the back window, I watched Edward gesture animatedly toward Emmett before climbing into his own car. Alice's car may be small, but it had the power of a giant and she drove it like Forks was a stop on the Grand Prix racing tour. She quickly left Edward's Volvo in the dust.

"So, you want to tell us just what in the sweet hell that was?" Rose asked angrily from the front seat when we were about two blocks from the park.

"Rose, perhaps a smaller hammer?"

"No! Alice, she made us feel guilty about worrying that this might happen and there she was wrapped around him like a blanket! I think a little force is fucking necessary!" Rose smacked her hand on the dash.

"Rose, calm down. She's just confused, we'll figure it out. And stop beating up my car!"

They were speaking as if I weren't even there.

"Guys!" My voice carried through the car louder than I'd intended.

"Edward and I had a misunderstanding and we were working it out."

"Bullshit! There was more going on." Rose's icy blue eyes challenged from the rearview mirror.

"Rose, it really was a misunderstanding, I was upset and he was comforting me."

"Comforting you? Did you see his face? He practically had his snout buried in your hair." _He did? _

"No…You must be mistaken. It was just a friendly hug."

"That was not just a friendly hug. It was more."

"No, I, we're just friends."

"Bella, you really don't see?" I shook my head at Alice's question and leaned back into the seat.

"That's it!" Rose and I squealed and grabbed anything we could hold onto when the car abruptly veered to the right bouncing over a curb, barely missing a head on collision with a mini-van and two small shrubs before coming to an abrupt stop in the parking lot of the Safeway.

"Damn it, Alice!" Rose screamed and slapped at Alice's arm. "What the actual fuck was that about?" Her eyes were wide in terror and her hands were shaking as she threw open the door and scrambled out of the car.

I was shaking too but hadn't regained the muscle control necessary to navigate out of the back seat.

"I guess that was a little too much?" Alice asked from the front seat. I knew why I was shaking but couldn't tell if her eyes were dilated from the speed rush or maybe the brush with death. Either way the girl was nuts.

I was contemplating just how crazy she was when Rose whipped open the driver's door and yelled. "Both of you, out. Now!"

Alice and I both got out of the car. I leaned heavily on the little car, still trying to catch my breath while Alice calmly took out her lip balm and ran it slowly over her lips.

She didn't even try to hide her smile.

"Wipe that smile off your face you little demon! You nearly killed us!" Rose fumed.

Alice put the cap back on and tucked the tube into her pocket. "It wasn't that bad." She tsk'd and moved to remove the branches from the shrubbery we'd nicked in our attempts to avoid the van that were hanging from her grill.

Rose looked at our unaffected friend and took a deep breath. She stretched her neck muscles and unclenched her fists several times before speaking. "Why did you do that?"

Alice skipped over to where I was still leaning on the car. "You were getting so angry at Bella, I thought we needed a little moment to refocus."

Rose swallowed several times. "Refocus? You tried to kill us so we'd _refocus_? Are you crazy?"

"No. My mom had me tested." Rose and I both stared at her. I even moved a little further away before she broke out into a wide smile.

Rose and I looked at each other and broke into laughter. The adrenaline rush of almost dying was working its way out of our system with almost hysterical laughter.

"Your mom needs to get a second opinion." Rose was bent over laughing. "Holy shit."

"So, can we talk calmly now?" Rose wiped her eyes and nodded. She walked over to where I was leaning on the car and took a spot next to me. "Good. Bella, we love you but you're absolutely oblivious to what's going on." I opened my mouth to protest. "Stop. Please, just listen to me. Edward is in love with you."

"You're wrong."

"No. I'm not."

"Rose, we've had this discussion before." I huffed in frustration.

"Yes, we have and you won't open your eyes to see the fucking…" Alice motioned to Rose to be calm. Rose nodded at her and continued. "You refuse to see the truth."

"Bella, why do you find it so hard to believe he's in love with you?"

"Because it doesn't make sense!"

"Why?" Rose asked.

"Because, because it doesn't!"

Alice and Rose each laid a comforting hand on my back. "You think that he can't love you, because you don't think you're pretty or thin enough for him to love you." I bowed my head and nodded. I couldn't meet their eyes.

"Honey, Derick wants you."

"It's different." I sniffled.

"Why?"

"Because he's not Edward!" I blurted out. "Edward can hurt me. I won't survive it if he hurts me again." My heart hurt just thinking about it.

"You're in love with Edward." Alice stated calmly. I nodded. It was useless to deny the truth. "Bella, I understand that you're scared. You've been through a lot with him. But that's the point. You and Edward have been through so much and you still end up together."

"You know I'm not an Edward fan." Alice snorted at Rose's understatement. "Okay, I really don't like the kid. I didn't get to know him until after all of that bullshit went down and the Edward I saw was an arrogant jackass. Emmett kept saying that it wasn't the Edward he knew but I based my opinion on what I saw and my opinion was low. It got even lower after we found out what he'd done to you."

Rose reached over and tipped my head up to meet her eyes. "Bella, he's changed. So much. He's not the Edward I knew and I while I can't confess to being fully on team Edward, I don't easily forgive people who hurt my friends. After what I saw today, however, I'll admit that the boy is hung up on you and he's changing _for you_. He wants to be the Edward you knew, your Edward. You've got to have noticed the changes."

Swiping at the salty liquid making tracks down my cheeks I stood up and pushed away from the car to stand a foot or so away from them.

"I know he's changed. I could never have forgiven the Edward that I met last August."

"Then why is this all so hard for you to accept?" Rose questioned.

I turned my back on them. How could they not see how ridiculous they were being?

"Bella, it's you that's being ridiculous." Of course I would say that out loud.

"You're hung up on the way you look. I get it." I snorted at Rose's insane insinuation that she knew how I felt. She was pin-up perfect.

"Did you know that I wanted to be a model? I'd wanted to be one since I was a little girl and finally when I was fifteen my mom took me to an open call in Seattle. They turned me down, claiming that they weren't looking for plus sized models."

I turned back to face them. "What? Were they blind?" Rose laughed at my disbelief.

"Yep. They said that a size ten was considered _plus size_ and told me to come back after I'd lost twenty pounds. I was devastated. My petite mom told them to stick their size ten up their asses and pulled me out of the room. I was in tears the entire way home. But my mom never stopped talking about how ridiculous those people were and that I was a perfect size. She kept repeating that as long as I was healthy and happy, the size of my jeans didn't determine if I were beautiful or not and that true beauty comes from within. I didn't believe her. I still wanted to be a model. So I started starving myself. Bella, I got down to one hundred and sixteen pounds." Astonished, I looked at Rose's five-foot-ten frame. At that weight she'd be nothing but bones.

Rose laughed at my flabbergasted expression. "Yeah, it was bad. I was a size four but I had no energy and I felt terrible. My parents were beside themselves with worry. After several counseling sessions, I realized that I needed to stop. I was lucky to not have done any permanent damage to my body."

"When I first saw you at Edward's party…I thought you were the prettiest girl I'd ever seen." I gushed, remembering how taken aback I was at the gorgeous blond demanding Emmett's attention.

"By then I'd gained back nearly thirty pounds and was wearing a size ten. Bella, can you guess what size my jeans are right now?" I looked at her curvaceous body in awe. She was perfectly proportioned, wide shoulders that met a substantial cleavage before tapering down to her slightly rounded hips that sat atop long and curvy legs. She was perfect.

"Careful there, girlfriend, you're going to make Emmett jealous." I blushed at her words, I was totally checking her out. "Bella, I wear a size twelve." My mouth dropped open. She was only two sizes smaller than me. "Do you think I'm fat?"

"No!" She smiled at my quick answer.

"Well those people at that modeling agency sure as hell would. But you know who doesn't, Emmett. He loves every pound, every curve and if you asked him what he loves about me, he wouldn't rattle off my cup size, okay, he'd make a crude gesture but then he'd be serious and tell you that he loves my sassy mouth and my take-no prisoners attitude. He'd tell you the loyalty I have for my friends and my willingness to always stick up for the underdog is what he really loves. I know that because he tells me. All of the time." Rose smiled and looked away for a moment as she basked in Emmett's love.

Alice gently took me by the shoulders, turning me to face her. "Bella, as women we've been preconditioned to believe that our attractiveness is directly related to our weight. We see it every day in fashion mags and gym commercials but the true measure of how beautiful a person is, lies within here." She tapped my chest, over my heart. "You have two guys in your life who know that. Now all you have to do is get your mind right so you also recognize your beauty." Her gentle words pushed passed my barriers and the tears fell unfettered to the asphalt.

"While I understand you want to guard your heart, the true reason you don't want to accept that Edward has feelings for you is because you're still under the delusion that your size means you're not worthy of his love."

"But I accepted Derick's attentions. I like Derick, he's good to me." I protested.

"I know he is and I know you like him, but do you ever think of a future with Derick?"

"No." The fact that I'd already been thinking that we'd be better off as friends added credence to their argument. But it didn't stop me from feeling horrible about possibly hurting Derick.

"I figured. Derick is a wonderful person but now I see that what you and Derick have is a great friendship and that's how you'll always see him." Alice emitted a soft apologetic sigh. "I know that Rose and I were pushing you towards Derick, but now, now I can see that you have a much deeper connection with Edward and that's worth investigating. You need to talk to him." My breathing hitched at the thought of doing as she said.

"What if…what if you guys are wrong?" Rose and Alice shared a look.

"Babe, don't you think knowing is worth the risk?" Rose asked.

"I don't know. I could lose him as a friend if..."

"Honey, if anything you've been through in the last year and a half proves it's that you and Edward will be friends forever, but if you don't figure this out you might be missing out on something more. Right?"

"I guess."

"No. There is no guessing here. You've been pining for that boy for months and vice versa. Bella, you have to _know_. You can't move on with anyone else until you do. But judging from the daggers he shoots Derick every time the poor boy looks at you, you have nothing to worry about."

So much of what they'd said made sense. And yet even more of what they said scared the crap out of me. What if they were right? What if Edward felt for me the same way I feel for him? What if he wanted to be mine?

Mine to touch, to hold,** _to kiss_…**

"I need to talk to Derick."

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><p><strong>So, do you think Alice and Rose are correct about Edward's feelings towards Bella? Have you ever been in a situation where you think there's more to a friendship? Did you take the chance to make it more? Was it worth the risk? <strong>

**As always, thank you for reading. **

**ruinedbyrob**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: This was a rough one, folks. There was a lot of write, rewrite, write, rewrite...You get the picture. Big squishy hugs to all of you who have been so patient with me. Unfortunately, writing has to come after my RL crap is finished.**

**Thank -you to my wonderful beta, Mullet86. She makes this all possible. **

**Twilight belongs to SM, but all of this heartache is mine.**

* * *

><p><strong>Reflections<strong>

**Chapter 32**

"So, then Max made this amazing throw to second base cutting off the lead runner and then Cole whipped the ball to Garrison... and then a spaceship landed in centerfield and all these rainbow colored E.T. looking dudes waddled out screaming about how they needed wives to repopulate their planet."

I nodded absently at Edward's speech. "And then what happened?"

Edward's eyes narrowed slightly. "The leader took Emmett for his bride and we're all invited to the planet Centauri next month for the wedding. What is wrong with you?" He reached across the leather couch to poke me in the side.

"Ouch. What?" I rubbed where he poked me and gave him a side-eyed glance.

"You're not paying any attention to what I'm saying," he accused. "What's going on?"

The truth was that I was paying way too much attention to him. I was paying attention to the mouthwatering way he smelled, how the usually boring colors of red, blond and brown looked amazing as they made up his unique hair color, how the green in his eyes changed intensity with his moods and how my heart sped up and my palms were suddenly sweaty every time he looked my way or touched me.

"Yes I am," I lied. "Max threw out a runner and um, Emmett is…**getting married?!**" My mind raced back through his previous speech searching for the pieces I'd missed.

Edward's laughter filled up the room with its beautiful sound. I smiled in spite of myself. He was so cute when he laughed.

"Seriously, what's got you so distracted?"

"Um…" _Think, Bella. You can't tell him that his very presence has you so distracted all you want to do is curl up next to him and soak up his warmth._ "I was thinking about an essay I need to write for my UW admission." _Nice save!_ I rewarded myself with a glance into his gorgeous eyes.

"So, you're going to UW with the rest of us?" I nodded and Edward's smile grew wide. "That's awesome! I was so afraid that you'd decided to go back to Arizona."

"Well, I've thought about it but with Emmett, Jasper and the girls all going, how could I leave them?" I smiled cheerfully while his smile faltered and he looked away. _What had I said?_

"What?"

Edward's lips twitched before turning into a frown. "I guess I'd hoped that you would want to attend UW because I'll be there." His voice trailed off as he looked down to the floor.

My breath caught in my throat. As much as Rose and Alice assured me that Edward _liked_ me, I found myself constantly surprised when he said or did something that added credence to their argument.

Ever the fat girl who had been hurt by the beautiful boy sitting next to me, I was still cautiously testing the waters before taking the plunge.

However, I was determined to not let my inner turmoil mess up the progress Edward and I had made since December.

"You're going to UW?" Affixing what I hoped was a friendly, not creepy looking grin on my face, I lightly fake punched him in the arm. "Just kidding."

"Ha, very funny." Edward deadpanned while I giggled. "Bella, I can't believe…"

"Can't believe what?" Emmett asked loudly as he entered the room and flopping into the chair across from Edward and me.

"I can't believe that you actually earned the grades to graduate. Much less get accepted to a college."

Emmett grinned and leaned back in his chair, flopping his giant feet up onto Esme's polished coffee table. "Just because I'm not locked up in the library whacking off to college coeds on the computer all day doesn't mean Emmett can't read good."

"Ha, ha," Edward deadpanned. "You're going on a football scholarship, Zoolander."

"Hmmm, I noticed you didn't deny the whacking off." Emmett laughed as Edward flipped him off.

As the verbal taunts began to escalate, my phone chirped from my pocket. I silenced it with a swipe of my finger and instantly felt a moment of guilt as the caller was someone I'd been unfairly avoiding all week. I felt even worse being here with Edward when he called.

My phone went off again. "Do you need to get that?" Edward asked while leaning over and trying to covertly see the caller ID on my screen.

I shook my head and quickly ended the call. "No, but I need to go. I promised Aunt Janet I'd help with dinner." Edward followed my lead and got up from the couch.

"Dinner? What's cooking tonight over at the Whitlock abode?" Emmett's eyes lit up at the prospect of being invited for dinner.

I hadn't expected to be called out on my lie. I struggled to think of a food that Emmett wouldn't be in a hurry to consume. The list was short.

"Oh, um, tonight is vegetarian night." His lip curled at the thought.

"You mean like salads and stuff but with grilled chicken or steak?"

For a moment there was hope in his eyes until I shook my head. "No brainiac, vegetarian means _no_ meat at all," Edward said, openly laughing at his brother's look of horror.

"Why would anyone do that?"

"Because it's healthy." I shrugged.

"That's crazy talk, without meat how do you expect to grow up to be a big girl?" Emmett joked.

"I think I have the _big girl_ part covered," I retorted without thinking.

Beside me, I heard Edward suck in a breath. "Bella, I didn't mean…" I held up my hand to stop Emmett from making what I'm sure was a sincere apology.

"Hey, it's fine. I get you were making a joke." Looks of horror flashed across their faces. "What? Everyone else can make a joke but the fat girl can't make fun of herself? " I tittered, trying to lighten the mood.

"No, it's not alright." Emmett said sternly.

"Okay, well I have to go. I'll see you later," I said flippantly, eager to leave the mess I'd created with a lie just so I wouldn't have to tell Edward I was dodging Derick's calls.

Emmett nodded silently as I walked out of the room.

"You know he didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"I know." I shrugged on my coat and walked to the door, Edward grabbed my arm as I opened the door.

"And you're not fat. So stop making jokes."

I should have nodded and walked away as this whole situation was my fault. But for whatever reason, like the fact that all week I'd been watching Alice and Rosalie shop online for prom dresses that I would NEVER be able to wear, or that after a week of stress eating over this whole 'Edward' thing, I'd gained nearly five pounds and my newly acquired size sixteen jeans were a little snug in the butt, I couldn't let it go. And there was a little, no, there was a big big part of me that needed him to tell me I'm not fat. I needed Edward to say that I was pretty and that he wanted me.

I rounded on Edward. "You either need glasses or you're a liar. You know I'm fat. I appreciate that you all dance around the subject but that doesn't change the fact that I'm not an _acceptable weight_."

Edward's face blanched at the words I'd heard my mother use a thousand times. "What the hell does that mean? _Acceptable?_"

Rolling my eyes at the boy I loved. "Acceptable is about seventy pounds lighter than my current weight."

"That's ridiculous! If you lost that much weight you'd be nothing but skin and bones."

"You mean like Lauren and Tanya?"

"Don't compare yourself to girls like Lauren and Tanya! Ever!" _Why was he so angry? Why was I picking a fight with him? Why would my stupid brain decide that picking a fight with him would force him to admit the feelings I hoped he had for me? I had no answers and yet I wasn't stopping with the goading._

"Oh please, don't pretend that those kind of girls aren't the kind that _**you **_and other guys like."

Edward's face changed from angry to stunned in a heartbeat.

"Bella, what's going on? Why are you acting like this? You know that I don't have anything to do with Tanya or any of those girls anymore." His voice was soft and concerned, but he still hadn't said what I needed to hear.

"You know what? Forget it. I really need to go." I turned and left the Cullen home with Edward standing on the porch with his mouth hanging open.

Later in my room after a light dinner of salad and fruit, I passed on the broiled chicken so I wouldn't feel so guilty about lying to Em, I tried explaining my explosion to Alice. "I don't know why I did it, Alice. I lost my mind and yelled at him because he didn't say the words I wanted him to say. It wasn't fair and yet I kept yelling at him." I could hear Alice's soft breathing on the other end of the line while I poured out my crimes against Edward. "Why would I do that? He probably hates me."

"He doesn't hate you." She softly assured me.

"Well, he at least thinks I'm brain damaged or crazy."

"Honey, all men think women are crazy. The fear that we'll turn on them in their sleep is what keeps them in line."

"Not helping."

"Okay, think about this, you _know why_ you went all bat shit crazy on him."

Sighing, I nodded to myself and answered her question. "Emmett made an innocent comment but it brought up all those past feelings and I needed Edward to tell me I was beautiful. But he didn't and then I got mad because I've been ducking calls from the guy that has told me I'm beautiful. _For what?_ Because you and Rose have some insane notion that Edward wants me?"

"What did Edward say, exactly?" Her tone was even and controlled. In contrast, I sounded like I was on the verge of a full on breakdown.

"He said not to compare myself to girls like Tanya."

"That's good."

"No, it means nothing. Don't you see? I could never compare with them. They're thin and beautiful and…"

"…and Edward said he didn't want them."

"Alice, I don't think that admission means he wants _me_," I half whispered, half sobbed into the phone.

"Let's forget that for a moment and focus on what else he said. You made the comment that you needed to lose more weight to be acceptable and he adamantly denied that. Right?"

"Yes," I said weakly.

"And he flat out told you to stop referring to yourself as fat."

"Yes." I agreed.

"Bella, you need to end your relationship with Derick and get this settled. I think you're wrong about Edward's feelings but you won't believe me until you see it yourself. You need to get straight with Derick before you actually do go nuts and take all of us with you." I couldn't help myself and laughed at her truth. I was on the edge. And only I could help myself back to safety. "I have one question. Do you want a romantic relationship with Edward?"

"You know I do."

"Then stop sabotaging yourself and get on with it! You're killing me!" The click of Alice's phone disconnecting the call echoed in my ears. With a deep breath, I made the call I'd been putting off for far too long.

"Derick, hi. Um, are you busy tomorrow night?"

"Are you sure that's going to be enough to eat? Here, eat some of my pizza." Ah, Derick, always worried that I wasn't eating enough.

I took the offered slice of pepperoni and pineapple with a smile and set in on the plate next to my Caesar Salad and muttered a "thank you." So far the evening had not been going according to plan. Not that I had a full proof plan to nicely break up with the sweetest boy I knew, but when I'd asked to see him I sure hadn't anticipated ending up at the most popular teen hang out in Forks on a Sunday night either.

"The exhaust I ordered from Holley Parts will be here next week." A slight nod of acknowledgement was the most I could offer as he excitedly described the parts he was going to put on the Camaro. "You can come over and watch me replace it and the headliner." I watched with a fake smile as he caught the cheese that was dripping from his pizza with his finger. Another night of watching him make adjustments to that car was about as high on my list as getting a root canal. He never notice that I tuned out when he went on and on about headers, lifters and timing belts. I suppose he did the same thing when I gushed over the new Star Wars trailer.

"Derick, um, I need to talk to you about something." He looked up from his pizza. Without thinking, I reached across the table and gently wiped the glob of tangy red sauce off the corner of his mouth.

"Thanks," he whispered with a red blush covering his cute cheeks. "What's up?"

I hadn't rehearsed what I wanted to say. I only thought to take Alice's advice and get it done as quickly as possible.

"Derick, I've been thinking about…" I trailed off when I heard Edward's voice behind me. As if what I was attempting to do wasn't difficult enough, now I had to hurt someone I cared about with the main reason I was doing the hurting standing behind me ordering an extra-large buffalo on wheat crust.

"Hey, are you okay?" I smiled at his concern and tried to refocus on him, not the conversation Edward was having with Katerina, the cute Russian exchange student who was working behind the counter tonight.

"_You are going to the prom dance, no?"_ My hands clenched at her over-the top accent.

"_Um, I don't have any plans to go." _

"_But you must go! You are ze most pretty boy in zees whole village."_ Really? Really Katerina? I thought in disgust. Her straight from a stereotypical femme fatal voice dripped with fakeness.

"_I don't, I, um, I don't know about that." _Good job, Edward. Resist the pull of that Russian twit.

"_Please, it is fact. None of zeez other boyz can compare to you. I would go with you. I would show you a good time."_ **Oh no she didn't!** I slammed my hand on the table and twisted around in time to see her run those claws she called nails up the front of Edward's chest. He had the decency to look embarrassed when she leaned over to give him a better view of her fake double Ds'.

"_Edvaard, American girls are so uptight."_ I had to lean over the back of the booth to hear her next words. "_In Russia, we are more open with our sexuality." _I watched in disgust_ as_ her eyes slowly raked up and down his whole body. She licked her giant red lips and then said. "_Edvaard, have you ever been with two women at once?"_

"**Get your nasty claws off **_**my Edward**_** you Russian bitch! He's mine!"** My outburst carried across the room drawing attention to my eavesdropping and the fact that I was dangerously draped over the back of the booth like a sloth hanging from a Cecropia tree. I slid back down into my seat with my head hung low and my eyes closed, praying that God would take pity on me and cause some kind of unnatural disaster or maybe a unicorn sighting…anything to take everyone's attention off the inappropriate idiot in the corner.

"Bella?" I don't know why I was surprised that Edward sounded so confused. I was confused as hell and those words fell out of _my mouth!_

"Hey." I muttered quietly, hiding behind my hair, and then like a dog that doesn't want to be reprimanded for some misdeed, I turned my head to the corner of the booth, employing the old, '_If I can't see you, you can't see me' _game.

"Derick."

"Edward." Derick gruffly acknowledged Edward's greeting

"Bella, what was that all about?" Edward questioned from somewhere behind me. I didn't have the courage to turn around and look at him.

"Yeah, Bella, what **was** that all about?" The full weight of what I'd done came crashing down onto me when I heard the hurt and anger in Derick's voice. I looked up and what I saw confirmed what I was worried about. His normally pale complexion was now a shade of red from what I guessed was a mixture of embarrassment, anger and hurt.

"Derick, I'm so sorry." I reached across the table towards his hand only to have him pull it away. My hand fell, dejected to the table top.

I looked up into his angry eyes, an apology on the tip of my tongue when Edward spoke again.

"Bella, is everything okay here?" It took everything I had not to turn and look at him. But the least I owed Derick was my full attention after I practically lifted my leg, claiming Edward in front of him and everybody else in this stupid place.

Derick's eyes darted quickly from mine to Edward's. "_Cullen_, I'd like a moment alone with **my **girlfriend," Derick said angrily.

"Judging from what just happened, I think _**my**_ friend wants to speak to me, Mauser." I was filled with shame as they glared at each other over the scarred wooden table top.

Son't you have a friend to betray somewhere?" Derick challenged.

"Stop," I said weakly.

"Screw you, Mauser! That's none of your damn business!" I'd never seen Derick's face look so menacing but I'd be lying if I said I didn't recognize the same look on Edward's face. Alice and Rose had been telling me that Edward didn't like Derick and I hadn't seen it. But the look on his face was unmistakable. They both looked ready for a fight and it was all my fault.

"Stop!" I held my hands up between them. "Edward, I need to talk to Derick."

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but I didn't think I could handle what he was going to say. "Please. I'll talk to you later." He frowned at my interruption but nodded.

I kept my breathing calm and even when he leaned into the booth. I could feel his breath on my ear. "Okay but you call me if you need anything." Derick sucked in a breath at Edward's assertion I might need **him**.

I nodded quickly and turned my attention back to Derick. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward move back and stand up.

"Mauser." Derick's eyes darted angrily to Edward but he remained silent.

"Edvaaard, don't forget your pizza." My fists clenched at the sound of her stupid voice.

"Thanks." Edward muttered from behind me.

"You're welcome. I put my number on zee receipt if you decide you want to have some fun." Derick's eyes narrowed, he was daring me to turn around. As much as I wanted to turn and give that slut a piece of my mind, I didn't. I owed Derick more than that.

"Um, yeah." Edward absently remarked before the door chimed signaling his departure.

I was left to clean up the mess I'd made.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" My mouth dropped open at his statement.

"I knew it. I tried to ignore it, but I knew it."

"Derick, I never meant to hurt-"He put his hand up, halting my lame excuses.

"Save it. I just wish I hadn't been so stupid and figured it out earlier." He chuckled humorlessly, shaking his head. "I thought we were good together. But I could never compete with him."

"No, Derick, it was never like that. It was never a competition." I wanted so badly to hold his hand but was afraid that I'd be rebuffed again. So I just laid them on the table close to his.

"Then what? That asshole hurt you to the point you ran from everyone you loved and just because he said he was sorry you let him back into your heart? I don't understand." How could I make him understand that Edward never left my heart and that I truly felt Edward had changed?

Taking a chance, I laid my hand over his. To my surprise he allowed me to hold his hand.

My eyes filled with tears from the pain I saw his eyes.

"Then why?" He croaked, using his free hand to swipe at the tears on his cheeks.

I felt my own cheeks grow damp. "Derick, my relationship with Edward is…complicated." He snorted and turned his head away to look out the window.

"Derick, please listen to me." He kept his head turned away. Sighing, I decided to go ahead and say my piece, hoping that he wouldn't hate me when this was over. "You're the sweetest person I've ever met and being with you has given me some of the happiest moments I've ever known but I just don't think we have enough in common to sustain this relationship past graduation."

I knew that my earlier outburst along with the _Derick and Edward stand-off_ had made our table quite the spectacle. I kept my eyes averted from what I'm sure was a gawking crowd of eyes and waited for Derick to speak.

With our hands still entwined, Derick finally spoke. "I knew that you going to college would be an obstacle but I guess I'd hoped that we would find a way. Do you really think we have nothing in common?"

"I enjoy spending time with you and we have fun together but be honest, do you really like reading comics?" He shook his head, no. "You don't enjoy watching or talking about Star Wars or baseball or-"

"Stop," he interjected. "Okay, I get it. But there's more to life than Star Wars and baseball."

"You're right, but I don't feel as if we share enough _likes_ to keep us going." My words sounded harsher than I'd intended.

"But I really like you." My heart broke.

I squeezed his fingers tightly. "I really like you too but-"

"It's Edward." He let go of my hand and leaned back against the booth in frustration.

I knew I would have to address Edward. Sighing, I tried to put together the right words that wouldn't needlessly hurt the last person who deserved it. "I won't lie to you and pretend that Edward isn't a big part of my life because he is. And as hard as I tried to cut him completely out, I couldn't. But I promise you, this isn't all about Edward."

"But some of it is." Derick snorted angrily.

"Yes," I said quietly. "I've loved him for years." The truth just fell out of my mouth as easily as I would tell someone my name.

"He won't love you like I do." Derick's quiet statement shocked me. We hadn't used the 'L' word to each other before. I felt that he was throwing it out there in an attempt to make me change my mind.

He was wrong. I wouldn't change my mind. I wanted to be loved, but I knew it had to be real and as much as I cared for Derick, he didn't love me the way I needed to be loved.

"I don't know that Edward loves me at all." I said truthfully. Derick's eyes lifted with false hope. I hated to dash them but not doing so would be deceitful. "I have to know. It's not fair for me to keep you in the wings while I find out. I care way too much about you to use you like that. You deserve better."

The dejection returned.

We sat in silence both of us hurting and neither of us able to just get up and walk away. I cared very much for Derick. But I loved Edward.

"What if," he paused, sighing, and then continued, "what if, what if he doesn't love you?" My breath caught at his sputtered question. I hadn't thought that far ahead. Would I be able to survive another Edward induced heartbreak? I wasn't sure I would but none of that changed my feelings for Derick. I wouldn't use him like that.

"Then he doesn't. But at least I'll know and I can try to move on. Regardless of how he feels about me, I don't see _us_ surviving past graduation." I was surprised that my answer was fairly well adjusted and completely in contrast to how much my heart hurt whenever I thought about the possibility that Edward would look at me as if I were out of my freaking mind when I admitted that I was in love with him.

Derick's normally cheerful blue eyes looked milky-gray and glassy in the low light of the restaurant. Our eyes would meet and then as if there was someone pulling a string on a marionette, both of us would drop our heads and look away.

After several minutes of fruitless gazes, I'd started gathering my things to leave. I could sit here all night and never be able to come up with the words that would make this less hurtful for him.

I started to move towards the end of the booth.

"Bella, I understand why you're doing this." I stopped moving and looked back at him. He scooted forward and took my right hand in his. "As soon as Edward came back into your life there was a part of me that recognized he meant more to you than just a friend and if you could truly forgive him, well, I knew that your heart mostly belonged to him and that I would never possess all of it. I guess I hoped that the part that did belong to me would be enough."

"Derick, I never meant to hurt-"

He reached over and wiped the tears dripping down my cheek. "Shhh, I know. I'd hoped that you wouldn't forgive him. But it's in your nature to forgive, especially people you love," he sighed. "I'll always be your friend and if you ever need me, all you have to do is call."

His hand fell from my cheek as he got out of the booth and stood in front of me. I looked into his face through watery eyes. "I'll always be there for you, but give me a little time. Okay?" I nodded and closed my eyes as he leaned in to kiss my forehead. We stayed connected for several lingering moments. I couldn't bear to be the one that pulled away first.

Finally, Derick found the strength and with one more quick kiss, he walked out of the bustling restaurant.

The music changed on the juke box and for a moment the restaurant was almost silent. The atmosphere fit the feeling of emptiness that was rapidly consuming me.

I'd just broken up with my first boyfriend. I'd just hurt a handsome, smart and kind boy who cared about me. And I did it because I wanted someone else? What kind of person did that make me? I'm not sure I deserved Derick or Edward.

"I have to give it to you, you have a lot of stomach." I looked up as Katerina began to clear the table. _Did she just call me fat? _

"Excuse me. What did you say?" I was a bit surprised at the heat in my voice but I was beyond allowing someone like her to make me feel badly about myself.

She reached across me to gather my uneaten salad and glass of warm soda. "You have a lot of stomach to break up weeth one boy and claim anozther in the same night."

"Guts, you meant to say I have a lot of guts." I laughed, thankful for the moment of humor.

"Dat ees what I said." Katerina's blue eyes rolled dismissively. "You must be very sure of yourself."

"I don't know about that, I may have just made a big mistake." I didn't know this girl and earlier in a fit of undisguised jealousy I'd referred to her as a Russian bitch, but in this moment she was my best friend.

"You were in a relationship with the red-haired one, no? But you really want Edvard." I nodded. There was no reason to deny it.

"What mistake have you made?" She questioned while finishing picking up our dishes.

"You don't understand. I don't know if Edward feels that way about me. We're friends but…and I just broke up with the first boy who ever wanted to even hold my hand much less call himself my boyfriend. I might have just needlessly hurt someone who cares about me for what? The hope that a boy like Edward would ever love someone like me?"

Katerina's eyes narrowed as she looked me up and down. I tried not to cringe under her scrutiny. "Why do American girls have such low esteem?" She asked herself. "You are a woman. You hold all of the cards. Men want to touch everything you have." She motioned to my chest and pelvic area. "The size of the woman is of no consequence where a real man is concerned. A real man wants intelligence, humor self-assurance and passion. Judging from the way you claimed the gorgeous Edvard in front of everyone, you have no problem with zee passion." She smirked. "So, what do you do now?"

"I guess I figure out a way to find out if Edward likes me." I shrugged.

"You figure out-blah, blah, blah," She mocked with another eye-roll. "**No!** You go up to that gorgeouz boy, grab him tightly and kiss him until you are both breathless. And while his toes attempt to uncurl from the pleasure of your mouth, you tell him that you want him. It is that simple."

"Um, I, I can't do that." I'd never even attempted to spontaneously hold Edward's hand.

"Yes, you can." She assured supportively.

"No offense, but you don't know me or Edward." An hour ago I was ready to scratch her eyes out with jealousy and now she was encouraging me to stake my claim on Edward? I didn't understand this girl. But I was willing to take her advice.

"Zat is true. But I know men and _that _beautiful man's reaction to you defending his honor was definitely ze reaction of a man who was proud of his woman."

Despite the fact she was being fairly nice to me, I was a tad bit agitated that she kept referring to my Edward as _beautiful_ and _gorgeous_. Not that he wasn't beautiful, he was. I just didn't appreciate her thinking about him. At all.

"You know I offered to have sex weeth him?" I nodded slowly as my blood began to boil at the thought of her earlier offer.

Katerina's mouth curled up into an almost sinister smile, "That offer is still good. If you don't go get your man, _I will_." So much for Katerina and I being best buds.

"Stay away from him." I ordered under my breath. As annoyed as I was with her behavior, I didn't relish making more of a scene. He wasn't even mine. Yet, I wasn't about to allow her to think she had any room to move in on him.

"Then you better move quickly, I'm not zee only one who has turned their eyes towards that handsome man. But since we are friendz, I will give you a head start. If that pretty, pretty man is still unattached tomorrow, I will make him an offer zat _he will not refuse_." My mouth dropped open at her statement. Did this Russian hussy just mis-quote the _Godfather_ to me?

"Mon Cherie, go. Go now!" Katerina ordered, and collected the dish bin before sashaying back to her position at the cash register.

I knew she was right about there being lots of girls have their eyes on Edward. I also knew that after graduation there would be even more vultures circling when the team began traveling again for summer. I didn't even want to think about the women that would catch their first glimpses of him when he hit the hallowed halls of UW. But dammit, I saw him first!

_I_ saw the beautiful person underneath his twelve-year old gawky boy exterior!

_I_ laughed at his lame jokes and let him cheat at Monopoly!

_I_ was the only one to **not** tease him about his ballet dancing!

_I_ kept his secret about him crying like a little girl when we watched Water for Elephants and Rosie was beaten by August.

_I_ was his partner in crime when we secretly laid out all of Emmett's nudie mags under his comforter for Esme to find!

_I_ held his hand when the bunny he found in the yard died!

It was _me_ he called nearly every day when he traveled with the team that first summer. _ I_ was the one he admitted to being home sick and_ I_ was the first one he called when he pitched his first no-hitter.

_I_ survived his betrayal and came out stronger on the other side! **He owed me!**

All of the firsts, secrets, good and bad times I shared with Edward came flooding back to me as I made my way out of the restaurant. **No one** knew that boy as well as I did. And **no one** was going to swoop in and take him from me. **Not without a fight.**

Without a thought about what I was going to say to him or the fact that it was nearly ten o'clock on a school night, I marched with determination past a smirking Katerina and right out to the parking lot.

The drive to Edward's house was just long enough to keep my blood pumping vigorously through my veins. I was pumped up and eager to lay all of my cards out on the table.

Edward's car was in the driveway and the lights were on in his room. Good. I was already late going home. Having to chase him all over Forks would have been inconvenient. However, the heavy rain that was now falling was damned inconvenient.

I closed my eyes and willed my breathing to slow to a speed less likely to make me pass out.

_You __**have **__to do this. You __**will survive**__ if he doesn't say what you want to hear. You __**need **__to know where you stand. _I repeated my mantra as I ignored the rain and climbed the porch stairs to ring the bell.

_Deep breaths, Bella. Deep breaths. _

Just as I reached to ring again, Edward opened the door. He was wearing his Forks Spartan sweats and a tight fitting gray tee shirt with nothing but white athletic socks on his long graceful feet.

I felt my recently calm breathing pick up again as the hallway light shining behind him illuminated the broadness of his shoulders and chest. _Ignore the pretty. Focus and get your answer! _

Edward blinked into the darkness, scratching absently at his right bicep. "Bella, what are you doing here so late? Are you okay?" I snorted at his stupid question. I hadn't truly been _okay_ for a while.

"No, Edward, I'm not _okay_ and it's all your fucking fault!" I hissed at him. Ignoring his perplexed look, I gathered all of my confusion, all of my insecurity and hurtled it at the boy who could make or break me with one word.

"I need you to answer a question and I need you to be honest with me! "

Edward peered out onto the porch as dog howled somewhere in the neighborhood, no doubt in answer to my escalating voice. "Bella, come in out of the rain. " I stepped back as he reached for me. If he touched me I would lose all my resolve.

"**No!** I can't do anything until I get what I came here for!"

"You're acting crazy. Calm down! Just come in out of the rain. I'll have mom make you some cocoa and-"

"**No!** You owe me answers Cullen, and I won't _calm down_ until I get them! " My body was rigid with emotion.

Edward's face contorted with confusion. "For fuck's sake," he uttered with an exasperated tone. "Fine!" He shot back at me in confused anger. "What's your question?" He was clearly agitated with my attitude and if I wasn't clearly out of my mind right now I would marvel at how much hotter an angry Edward was over the regular hot version. I put my Edward ogling on hold. I was too close to the finish line for his beautiful distraction.

With every bit of fight I had left in me, I forced out the question that had nearly burned a hole in my heart.

"**Do you want me?!"**

* * *

><p><strong>AN Are we there yet? No, but we're close. Really close.**

**Can't wait to hear your thoughts.**

**Happy Mother's day to all you American mothers!**

**ruinedbyrob**


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